The Expanding Universe of Ashley Garcia (2020) s01e14 Episode Script

1
[in singsong] Good morning, everyone.
-Howdy.
-Hey.
-Mornin'.
-Hey, Ash.
And how are we all doin'
-this fine mornin'?
-Fine.
-Same old.
-Busy.
Oh, Ash, by the way
-happy birthday!
-[group] Happy birthday!
-[Victor chuckling]
-Aw, stop!
-[Victor grunts]
-No, for real, stop. You're hurting me.
[Ashley chuckles]
So, any special birthday plans?
Nothing too crazy.
I have some JPL work to finish up
this morning, and later,
Tad and I are going to Venice Beach.
We're gonna walk around
and pretend we're
[in Swedish accent]
foreigners from Sweden here on holiday.
-[in Swedish accent] Yes, we are.
-[both laugh]
People,
we have a disaster on our hands!
[sighs] T.P. Honeydew,
the author of the book
our musical is based on,
-is shutting our production down.
-That's a disaster.
Shutting us down? Why?
Her lawyer said, technically,
we never secured the rights,
and legally speaking,
T.P. Honeydew is, quote, "pretty mad."
-I can't believe this.
-We haven't even premiered yet.
And I learned all those lines.
Did so much reading!
You all have been working so hard.
Is there anything you can do?
Well, I talked to Ms. Honeydew
and told her that Only Human
is my favorite YA novel,
and using my powers of persuasion
[clicks tongue] I cried on the phone,
I convinced her to come and see a preview.
If she thinks our show stays true
to her original vision,
she'll let us do it.
Original vision?
What's that mean?
It means we're gonna have to change
the last scene
so it's closer to the book.
Here's the new ending.
Tad, there's some new choreography.
Victor, we'll need another song
for the finale.
And, Stick and Ashley,
the robot needs new movements
to be programmed.
You can't make Ashley work
on her birthday.
I will program Ichabod myself.
Oh, Stick, that's so sweet.
Are you sure you can do it?
Of course I can do it
if you remind me how to turn him on.
I'll figure it out.
You all have plenty of time to prepare
as long as you're ready by tomorrow.
-Tomorrow?
-What?
Tomorrow night is the only time
Honeydew can see the preview.
But there's so many changes.
My costume needs to be altered.
It's way too baggy.
Right now,
I could fit Stick in there with me.
I've scheduled
an emergency rehearsal tonight
from six to ten.
Get your stuff done, and then be there.
Oh, and you and I need to pick up
the audio gear today, too.
Right.
Aw, man. Tonight?
But that's when we were gonna have
Ashley's surprise pa
[group] Tad!
rking lesson.
Tonight was gonna be
Ashley's surprise parking lesson.
-This is why we can't do nice things.
-Really? Parking lesson?
Parking lessons was good.
She was buyin' it.
Oh, my God, a surprise party?
Aw, for me? I would've loved that.
Sorry, Ash. I didn't mean to blow it.
It's okay. I don't care. I-I don't care.
I guess with the rehearsal tonight,
it really couldn't have happened anyway.
I'm sorry, Ash.
I thought it would've been nice
since, you know,
you didn't have a quince last year.
[scoffs] Like I had time for that.
I was a little busy getting my PhD.
Really, I don't care. I don't care!
[chuckling]
I don't need to have a big party.
You guys have stuff to do.
Hey, how about we all meet up here
tonight at five?
If we all prep our musical stuff,
we can still celebrate with you
before rehearsal.
Yeah, I mean,
it won't be a surprise party,
but at least we could all be together
for carrot cake!
Carrot cake?
From Joan's Bakery.
Joan's Bakery?
The Joan? Carrot Queen of Pasadena?
Why are you so excited about carrot cake?
You know it's made from carrots, right?
I do. And raisins.
That's not any better.
It's my cake. I'll pick it up.
-What? No.
-Pick up your own birthday cake?
That's like trying to tickle yourself:
ya can't do it.
You guys are gonna be so busy today.
I've got this.
I'll drop it off here in the big fridge,
and I'll be able to pick up
my own candles.
Spoiler alert:
they're going to be the trick kind.
Ash,
you just ruined the surprise!
I guess we're even now.
[theme music playing]
[slow dance music playing on stereo]
Tad?
Are you
dancing with a broom?
Yes, but she means nothing to me.
-[stereo clicks off]
-What are you doing here?
Ms. Page says I have to learn this dance
called the waltz.
Coach said he'd help me,
but he hasn't shown up yet.
But I think I got my waltz down.
Oh! Oh
No.
I don't know how to waltz,
but I know it's not that.
If I can't waltz, I'll ruin our preview.
Help me, please.
Well, I need to go get my cake
and bring it down to Pat's, but
if you don't learn this dance
before rehearsal,
you won't be able to come
to my celebration. Gimme.
Uh, the dance instructions
in that binder are crazy confusing.
-No one can learn them--
-Got it.
[binder thuds]
-Wait, what?
-The leader goes
forward left, side with right,
close left to right.
Back with right, side with left,
close right to left.
See? You know it. Easy.
You learned that by looking at that sheet
for five seconds.
Yeah, I'm slowing down.
I'm not nine anymore.
All right, I'm off to Joan's. Bye.
-[door opens]
-Uh, wait!
I just remembered,
she also wants me to know
the fox-trot.
But don't worry.
I can use my brain real fast
just like you.
[takes a deep breath]
Gimme that.
[singing harmony for "Si nos dejan"
with recording]
-Ooh.
-Hey, Ava.
You like that harmony
-I did for the ending?
-[Ava P] Nice.
Ooh.
But you know what would be even better?
Ah-hup-hup-hup-hup-hup-hup-hup.
Thanks, but no thanks.
I do harmonies by myself.
Well, you know, I was on Broadway.
Yeah, through act one.
Hey, the audience loved me
until I vomited.
-[sighs]
-[tapping to beat with pen]
[sings harmony for "Si nos dejan"
with recording]
[both harmonize]
Whoa. You went low. That's killer.
Duh!
It's great. Do it again. Do it again.
Okay, one, two
[both harmonize]
Oh, my God, that's amazing.
I thought you liked to work alone.
I do, but you ruined everything
by being so good.
[sighs dramatically] It's a curse.
But we do make a pretty good team.
Yeah. We're like
Simon & Garfunkel
-but hot.
-[both laughing]
[gasps, panting]
We have now learned the merengue,
rhumba, Argentine tango,
-and the Chicken Dance.
-[chuckles]
That's all of them?
There's none you're forgetting?
Uh, I think there's one more.
You need to know all of these
for one scene?
It's a dance-off, hello?
I totally support you,
but this play makes no sense.
What's the dance?
Ashley, I need your help.
I'm sorry.
I have to teach Tad
every dance known to man.
Then I have to go get my cake,
so I'm kind of busy.
Actually, uh, that's it.
We learned all the dances.
I'll go practice with Broomy.
See you at Pat's.
[chuckles, scoffs]
[door closes]
-I'd love to, but I--
-[Brooke] So,
I tried to do the alterations
on my costume while I was wearing it,
but I kept on stabbing myself
with the sewing needle.
And then, I was gonna ask my brother
to put it on,
but I don't have the same body type
as a ten-year-old boy, thank God!
And I've had nine cups of coffee today!
I'm sorry, but I can't help.
I really need to go. My cake can't wait.
If you can't help me, it's okay.
I'll just-- I'll do it myself.
But I-I won't have time to rehearse,
and it'll just be all my fault
that the play doesn't go on.
My cake can wait a little. [sighs]
What is up with this dress?
I feel like I'm a bridesmaid
in Lady Gaga's wedding.
Hey, that was
a really solid pop-culture reference.
-You mean it?
-Hundo P.
Now you lost me.
Hundo P.
It means I agree with you 100 percent.
-Ooh, new vocabulary.
-Mm-hmm.
Okay, done.
Great. Cake-gettin' time. Unzip me.
-Uh-oh.
-Uh-oh?
Please tell me that's teen slang
for "okay."
The zipper's all messed up.
Snagged real good on the fabric.
But relax. I have a tool for this.
All right.
Hurry, I have to go get my cake.
Ash, what's so great
about your vegetable cake?
I just love it.
I haven't had that cake
since my eighth birthday party.
Remember,
my general theory of relativity party?
Oh, yeah. That was a rager [chuckles]
or at least I thought it was
when I was eight.
That was the last time
I had a real birthday party with friends.
After that, I went to college, and
my birthday celebrations
were never really that special.
Last year was especially tough.
What happened?
I turned 15,
and it would have been my quinceañera,
but instead, I defended my dissertation
for eight hours.
Then, I celebrated with my mom
and a Sara Lee pound cake.
Did you want a qui-- quincen-- cenata?
Quinceañera.
Just say "quince."
Thank you. Did you want a quince?
It didn't matter what I wanted.
There was no time, and
I didn't have any friends
to make a court of honor.
And it's not like I had time
to prepare a surprise dance.
Oh. Ash, I'm sorry. I'm bumming you out.
-Uh
-No one can have it all.
Not even Beyoncé.
She's allergic to most perfumes.
[sighs] But this year,
I'm gonna be with my favorite people,
having my favorite cake,
and I'm gonna go pick it up
as soon as you can get me
out of this monstrosity of a garment.
-How's that goin'?
-I almost got it.
-Really?
-Nope, you're super stuck.
But you said you had a tool.
Yeah this is just an eyelash curler.
-What?
-Don't worry,
the costumer has a tool,
but he's busy until rehearsal.
I guess I just have to cut you out of it
and totally ruin the dress.
No, don't. It's your costume.
I'll just
stay in this sleeping bag
on my birthday
until tonight
and come with you to rehearsal.
I guess I'll go
to the bakery looking like
looking like
Looking like a pile of dog beds.
Hundo P.
[strumming gently]
Hey, man.
Here are the keys to my truck.
I'd help you pick up the speakers
and stuff,
but I got an issue with my back.
I saw you on Instagram
playing basketball yesterday.
Yeah. Well, the issue is
that my back doesn't wanna
help you move stuff.
Well, I guess Ava
and I will pick up the stuff ourselves.
Good thing she's so strong
from all that Pilates.
She started a few years ago,
after she hurt her neck--
At the indoor trampoline place.
I know. You told me this story already.
-I have?
-Yeah.
You do realize that you talk
about new Ava all the time, right?
Okay, stop callin' her that.
And I do not.
Oh, by the way,
Ava did this really cool harmony today.
Dude.
You're such a mandilón!
No. I just enjoy her company.
I like the way she smells.
I like the way she eats Cheetos
with chopsticks,
so she doesn't get the dust
all over her hands. [gasps]
Okay, you're right. I like her.
So why don't you just go for it?
Because I think I still have feelings
for South Pole Ava,
and I don't want to start something new
until I know for sure.
I'm not that guy anymore.
Bro, you gotta get it together
and figure yourself out.
Call Arctic Ava,
and see
if you two are still feeling each other.
If you are,
then you know she's worth waitin' for.
If not, then, goodbye old Ava,
hello new Ava.
You're right. I should call her.
See if there's still something there.
Until then, I don't wanna lead Ava on.
-Which Ava?
-New Ava. [groans]
You're right, it's just easier.
Good. I'm gonna go before you start
telling me that trampoline story again.
-She almost broke her neck.
-She thought she could do a backflip,
but then realized she couldn't. I know.
I know.
[inhales sharply]
[line ringing]
[line beeps]
[takes a deep breath]
"Internet is slow and, at times,
restricted due to bandwidth."
Slow and restricted [sighs]
just like my love life!
Hello? Joan's Bakery?
How late are you open?
Five o'clock? Thanks.
Oh, and do you have, like,
a secret back door
for people to use who don't wanna be seen?
Hey, Ash, I need your-- whoa.
W-Why are you dressed like you're going
to a funeral in The Hunger Games?
The stupid zipper got stuck.
Now I'm trapped in Brooke's costume
the rest of the day.
On your birthday?
Aw, what a fun story that's gonna make.
Down-- down the line.
Well, all by myself,
I successfully trained
Ichabod the Robot to
repeatedly punch me
in the back of the head.
-So
-So you need my help?
If we're gonna have any chance
of being able to do the musical.
Ugh. Fine, I'll assist you.
But let's program the robot posthaste
so I can go get my carrot cake.
Oh, my God,
that's the nerdiest sentence
I've ever said.
Sure it is.
Okay, so with the new script change,
the last scene
where Sergio tears off Robio's skin,
revealing Ichabod underneath--
the chess match is now a dance-off
to the death.
Okay, so we just have to teach Ichabod
to dance
and how to kill.
What's the worst that could happen?
All right, let's get to it.
I'll make up some moves,
and you log them into the computer
like I taught you.
[techno music playing]
[Ashley] I feel something.
Okay, here we go.
Stick, you getting this?
Stick, you'd better not be taking
a BuzzFeed quiz.
I'm not. I'm getting it.
[laptop beeping]
Okay.
Ooh. [laughing]
[chuckles]
[laptop chimes]
Ichabod's going to be a dancing machine!
Literally! Whoo!
[Victor] I gotta call Ava.
I gotta call Ava.
I like your cologne.
Well, super-duper.
How about we turn on the radio?
Yeah, yeah.
-[smooth jazz playing on radio]
-[DJ] Today's as good as any
to go up to those around you,
hold them close,
and love 'em.
Now,
back to our 24-hour Barry White marathon.
You know what station I'd like? Silence.
[radio clicks off]
[sighs]
[laptop continues beeping]
-[techno music continues playing]
-[chuckles]
That's it.
The whole dance is programmed
and ready to go.
Nice job, Engineering Czar.
Nice job, Engineering Queen.
You know, at first,
I wasn't exactly that excited
about working on my birthday,
but programming Ichabod with you
was actually really fun.
Reminds me of the time you came
to the JPL lab.
Yeah. That was an omelet
I will never forget.
-And my first hug with a robot.
-[chuckles]
That was the night
I knew we'd always be
Look at the time.
We're almost supposed to be at Pat's.
Oh, no. I didn't pick up the cake.
They close in ten minutes.
[grunts]
I can't believe I lost track of time.
Oh, my God, I-I'm sorry, Ash.
Oh, I'll text tío!
[sighs] Hopefully, he can get the cake,
and we can all go to Pat's to celebrate.
[cell phone chimes]
Now he's responsible?
On my birthday?
[crickets chirping]
Hey, hey. Did you get a chance
to pick up your carrot
[nervously] Top tickets?
He's at the Luxor through December.
-Nice, Brooke.
-I tried.
By the time I got done helping Stick,
the bakery was about to close.
I tried texting tío
to see if he'd grab it, but
[message alert plays]
Oh! Finally, he's texting me back!
"Wasn't able to get cake.
Running an errand for Ava Page.
Will celebrate with you tomorrow.
Smiley face."
Great.
-[sighs]
-I'm sorry, Ash.
Whatever. I don't care. I don't care.
So, I don't have my favorite cake
on my birthday.
At least I'll be with my best friends.
[cell phone ringing]
[cell phone clicks]
-Tad?
-Hey, Ash.
Um, so, remember
when you taught me all those dances today?
Well, turns out Play Coach
actually needed me to learn the one dance
we didn't go over: the Lindy Hop.
So, I'm gonna go do that,
but no worries,
we'll get together this weekend.
But but today's my birthday.
-Right. Happy birthday! Gotta go!
-[line beeps]
Ash, you okay?
No. I know I kept saying,
"I don't care, I don't care,"
but you know what? Today's my birthday,
and I do care!
Read the subtext, people!
I did want a big party,
and I did want to be surprised!
And last year, I did want a quinceañera!
And now Tad's bailing?
How stupid could I be
to think he and I could ever be a thing?
I mean, how much could he really like me
if he ditches me on my birthday?
Ash, we're sorry.
Why don't we just go inside
-and try having a good time?
-And tío,
he chose running an errand
for a woman he just met
instead of being with me,
today of all days?
And I thought he'd changed.
I mean, maybe I should never have come
to live here.
I mean, what am I to him,
just some tax write-off?
Know what? I'm going in there
and telling everybody
it's Free Hamburgers Day at Pat's.
That'll show him!
-Free burgers!
-[guests] Surprise!
-[cheering and applauding]
-[sobbing] Oh, my God!
["How to Love" playing over speakers]
What are you doing?
Ladies and gentlemen,
if you're here to celebrate
Ashley's 16th birthday
and belated quinceañera,
-make some noise!
-[guests cheer]
[both laugh]
This beautiful dress
-was under that the whole time?
-[giggles] Yes.
And this wasn't your costume?
There's no emergency performance,
is there?
[laughing] No.
And let me guess,
T.P. Honeydew isn't threatening
to shut down the musical.
Nope. We were best friends in college,
and now she's super successful,
and I am [through gritted teeth]
so happy for her.
Ashley, come here.
Although she's already made a name
for herself
in the world of adulthood,
she did skip a few steps along the way.
So, it is my pleasure to present to you,
celebrating her quinceañera,
damas y caballeros,
big round of applause for
Ashley Garcia!
[guests cheer]
How'd you know my size?
I have a lot of experience with heels now.
[group laughs]
[crying happily]
-["No crezcas más" playing]
-[laughs, sniffles]
Another perfect fit.
[chuckles]
[sniffles]
[sighs]
May I?
I know this is usually the spot
in a quince
for a father-daughter dance,
but
I hope your fun uncle Victor is a
reasonable substitute.
[crying] You're no substitute.
[sniffles] You're the real thing.
[kisses cheek]
[sniffles] It's just,
how did you know I wanted all this?
Well, every time I heard you say,
"I don't care,"
I knew you did.
I just want you to have it all, m'hija.
[kisses]
[chuckles]
I'm the chambelán,
which means "the boy of honor."
I know. [laughs]
Mm. [giggling]
Hey, remember when I ruined
your surprise party this morning?
And when I said I didn't know
any of those dances?
Well, that was acting.
We had to keep you busy
so you wouldn't bring the cake here
and see all this before the party.
-I can't believe you did all this for me.
-[Tad] Why wouldn't I?
I'm your boyfriend, if you'll have me.
I'll have you.
About time you two caught up to us.
-Yeah, you crazy kids.
-[laughs]
Your acting this morning
when you ran in here
-[chuckles]
-that was honestly really good.
Yeah, it's always been a dream of mine
to act in front of
three kids.
[chuckles softly]
[guests cheer]
I seriously can't believe
you guys did all this for me.
Wait, back at the house,
you couldn't even say--
¿Quinceañera? Mi español es perfecto.
["Walk Like an Egyptian" playing]
-Surprise dance?
-[both giggle]
Come on, Ash, I know you know it.
[both laughing]
All the old paintings on the tombs ♪
They do the sand dance
Don't you know ♪
-If they move too quick ♪
-Oh, way-oh ♪
They're falling down like a domino ♪
All the bazaar men by the Nile ♪
They got the money on a bet ♪
Gold crocodiles ♪
Oh, way-oh ♪
They snap their teeth
On your cigarette ♪
Foreign types
With the hookah pipes say ♪
Way-oh, way-oh ♪
Ay-oh, way-oh ♪
Walk like an Egyptian ♪
[Brooke chuckles]
[group laughing]
[guests cheer]
-[techno music playing]
-[gasps] Ichabod!
We wanted all of your closest friends
to be here. [chuckles]
Time to do the Ichabod.
[Ichabod whirring]
[guests cheer]
Yeah! Thank you, thank you.
Big hand for the bot.
Big hand for the bot. Big hand.
[Ashley giggling]
Ashley, when you came back to Pasadena,
you were still a girl.
In a short time,
you've grown and matured
into a young woman.
So, I just wanna say
slow down.
[all chuckle]
When you were little,
I used to sing you a song as a lullaby
when I'd babysit you.
You remember it?
I think I do. [chuckles]
Santina, Ashley's mom,
was supposed to be here,
but there was a snowstorm in Boston.
She's with us in spirit.
By that, I mean she's stuck
in a Spirit airliner
on the runway at Logan.
[guests laugh]
Santina doubted
the whole idea of Ashley living with me,
but Ashley and I told her,
"This will work
if you let us."
I wanna dedicate this song
to Ashley's mom
-for giving us this chance.
-[guitar playing "Si nos dejan"]
[singing in Spanish]
[singing in Spanish]
-[guests cheering]
-[Victor grunts]
Well, I think that's it for the surprises.
Nothing could have made this any better.
-[Brooke giggles]
-[gasps]
Carrot cake!
Make a wish.
-[blows]
-[guests cheering]
[all exclaim]
-[all laughing]
-You got the trick ones!
[giggles]
The dance you guys invented
for the robot was so cool.
Yeah, we make a pretty good team.
And, Brooke, I can't believe you sewed
the zipper closed
on this dress without me realizing it.
You could totally be a spy.
I know.
[both laugh]
-Did you want me to cut you out of it now?
-No, I think I'll stay in it for
a few more days.
All right, who wants some dulce de leche?
I'll whip some up.
Tío, we just had carrot cake.
Yeah. So?
Good point. Get in there.
I'll give you a hand.
God. It was so sweet of you
to put all this together for your niece.
Well, I wouldn't have been able to do it
without all your help,
so thank you.
[chuckles] You must love her a lot.
Ah, I do. I do.
Also, her being here is great
for my taxes.
You know, that harmony you did
in our office is really something.
Well, all kinds of good things happen
when we get together.
I know I said I would never date
a rebound guy again, but
I changed my mind.
Don't blame me, I'm a Gemini.
-[cell phone rings]
-Ah.
-[cell phone continues ringing]
-[Victor] Uh
I'm sorry. I gotta take this.
-[quietly] Okay.
-[sighs]
[cell phone continues ringing]
You guys, tonight really was perfect.
Aw! You're just being nice.
Even if you are, keep it coming.
I'm stocking up on validation.
[Ashley laughs]
No, no, I'm being serious.
It really was perfect. Oh!
And I can prove it.
You know how I'm always keeping lists?
Well, I have one on my phone
called "perfect birthday,"
and you guys nailed everything.
Here, I'll show you.
Oh, no, I'll just streamcast it.
[TV clicks on]
Oh, I'm so excited, still.
I can barely type my password.
-Aw.
-[both laugh]
Oh, no, I-I didn't mean to do that.
What?
You you like Stick?
[swallows]
[theme music playing]