Total Drama Island (2007) s01e14 Episode Script

1
CHRIS: LAST TIME ON TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND,
A NOTE FROM A SECRET ADMIRER
GOT GWEN AND BRIDGETTE UP IN EACH OTHER'S BUSINESS.
D.J. ACCIDENTALLY KNOCKED HIS BOY, TRENT,
OFF THE AIRPLANE,
SENDING HIM DEEP INTO THE EARTH'S CRUST.
LESHAWNA SHOWED EVERYBODY HOW TO HANG ON FOR DEAR LIFE
ON THE MOOSE RIDE.
HAROLD SHOWED HIMSELF TO BE AN ACE FLY CATCHER
UNTIL HE CAUGHT SIGHT OF HEATHER'S UNMENTIONABLES,
CAUSING HIM TO CRASH HIS WAVE RIGHT OFF THE ISLAND,
BUT NOT WITHOUT A LITTLE CANOODLING TIME
WITH THE FAIR LESHAWNA.
AND NOW LET'S SEE WHAT'S IN STORE FOR OUR CAMPERS
ON THIS WEEK'S EPISODE OF TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND.
CHORUS: DEAR MOM AND DAD, I'M DOING FINE ♪
YOU GUYS ARE ON MY MIND ♪
YOU ASKED ME WHAT I WANTED TO BE ♪
AND NOW I THINK THE ANSWER IS PLAIN TO SEE ♪
I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ♪
I WANT TO LIVE CLOSE TO THE SUN ♪
WELL PACK YOUR BAGS 'CAUSE I'VE ALREADY WON ♪
EVERYTHING TO PROVE NOTHING IN MY WAY ♪
I'LL GET THERE ONE DAY ♪
CAUSE I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ♪
NANA NA'NA NAANA NANA NANA NA NANA NANA NA NA ♪
I WANT TO BE, I WANT TO BE, I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ♪
I WANT TO BE, I WANT TO BE, I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ♪
(WHISTLING I WANT TO BE FAMOUS)
WHAT? NO BREAKFAST?
OH, DON'T WORRY, BRO.
THERE WILL BE PLENTY OF FOOD LATER ON.
(BOTH LAUGH)
WHAT'RE YOU TWO BOZOS SO GIGGLY ABOUT?
CONGRATULATIONS TO THE REMAINING TEN CAMPERS
FOR REACHING THE HALFWAY MARK IN THE COMPETITION.
YOU'LL ALL BE ON THE JURY FOR THE FINAL EPISODE.
WE GOT THE POWER, YEAH.
THE TWO TEAMS WILL BECOME ONE NEXT WEEK.
BUT FIRST,
ALL THE GIRLS WILL BE MOVED TO THE GOPHER CABIN
AND ALL THE GUYS WILL STAY IN THE BASS CABIN.
THIS WEEK'S CHALLENGE IS AS OLD AS HISTORY ITSELF.
A BATTLE OF THE SEXES.
AFTER EVERYONE IS SETTLED IN,
I'LL ANNOUNCE THE CHALLENGE
AND THEN, YOU'LL HAVE A BITE TO EAT.
READY FOR A LITTLE GOOD NEWS?
THIS WEEK, NO ONE WILL BE KICKED OFF.
OH, SWEET.
IT'S ALL FOR REWARD AND IT'S A GOOD ONE.
OKAY, TIME TO RELOCATE.
LET'S MOVE.
(BOTH SNICKER)
WOW, YOUR HAIR LOOKS GREAT TODAY.
SO NATURAL.
THANKS. I--
HOW DO YOU TAKE CARE OF IT?
YOU HAVE TO SHARE YOUR SECRET.
OH. IT'S NOTHING, REALLY.
WATCH IT WITH THIS ONE. SHE'S TROUBLE.
(GASPS)
(GASPS)
IT WAS, LIKE, REAL COOL WORKING WITH YOU.
YOU KNOW, TOGETHER, AS A TEAM.
YEAH, I'M GLAD WE GOT TO KNOW EACH OTHER
ON A DEEP LEVEL AND ALL.
YEAH.
-ME TOO. -BECAUSE I--
-OH, SORRY, YOU GO. -I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN
TO CUT YOU OFF.
BIG DAY AHEAD OF US.
I'LL MISS YOU.
HEY, DUDE, WHERE SHOULD I PUT THIS?
I WAS A BIT WORRIED ABOUT BEING THE ONLY NEW GIRL ON THE TEAM,
THEN I FIGURED IT CAN'T BE THAT BAD.
I DON'T BUY THAT HYPE ABOUT HOW WELL GUYS GET ALONG
AND HOW CATTY GIRLS CAN BE.
NOBODY'S LEAVING
UNTIL I FIND OUT WHO ATE MY PUDDING POCKETS.
I ATE THEM. SO WHAT?
WHOA. POP THE BRAKES A MINUTE.
YOU'RE SO WHAT-ING ME?
THAT'S MY FOOD.
NO ONE TOUCHES MY FOOD.
WHATEVER. DEAL WITH IT.
IT SERVES YOU RIGHT FOR LEAVING YOUR JUNK
EVERYWHERE, ESPECIALLY THAT.
THAT IS BUGGING ME.
YEAH, IT'D BUG ME TOO
IF I DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING IN THE FRON
OR IN THE BACK TO SHAKE. YEAH?
WELL, YOU GOT SO MUCH JUNK IN YOUR TRUNK,
YOUR JEANS SHOULD COME WITH A TRASH COMPACTOR.
OOH.
YOU WANT A PIECE OF THIS?
UH-OH.
BRIDGETTE, IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.
COME IN, COME IN.
WELCOME TO OUR CABIN.
WE'RE LIKE A BIG FAMILY IN HERE.
BIG AND DYSFUNCTIONAL.
ANYTHING YOU NEED, JUST YELL.
THANKS FOR THE AWESOME WELCOME, HEATHER.
WELCOME TO THE CLUB.
IT'LL BE SO MUCH FUN,
AS LONG AS YOU DO EVERYTHING HEATHER SAYS.
OW!
(LAUGHS) YEAH.
WE LOVE JOKING AROUND HERE IN THE GIRLS' CABIN.
I MADE SURE YOUR BUNK WAS NEXT TO MINE--
HEY!
THAT'S MY BED.
OW!
SO WE COULD TALK AND SHARE
AND REALLY GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER.
OKAY, YEAH.
HEY, THANKS EVERYBODY.
I CAN'T WAIT TO GET TO KNOW ALL OF--
OKAY. PLENTY OF TIME TO CHAT LATER.
LET'S UNPACK.
THIS IS GREAT.
I BET WE'RE GETTING ALONG WAY BETTER THAN THE GUYS.
(GUYS LAUGHING)
ROCK THAT SODA POP, BROTHER.
(BURP)
(HUGE BURP)
(CLEARS THROAT)
NICE ONE.
THAT GUY DESERVES TO BE CAPTAIN.
SPEECH.
-SPEECH. -WHOO! WHOO!
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
(CLEARS THROAT)
I OWE IT ALL TO MY BIG BRO BACK HOME
FOR SHOWING ME HOW TO PULL BACK AND LET 'ER RIP.
(BURP)
-THOSE CHICKS ARE GOING DOWN. -(ALL CHEER)
HEATHER: WHAT'S MINE IS YOURS.
NAIL POLISH, SCRUNCHIES, EARRINGS,
JUST HELP YOURSELF.
WOW.
THANKS, HEATHER, BUT UM, I LIKE TO KEEP IT NATURAL.
LIKE MY MOM ALWAYS SAYS,
A LADY CAN ALWAYS USE A LITTLE BOOST IN THE LOOKS DEPARTMENT.
LESHAWNA: AND MY MOMMA TOLD ME,
AIN'T NOTHING FREE IN THIS WORLD.
WATCH WHAT YOU TAKE FROM THIS GIRL, BRIDGETTE.
MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.
WE'RE A TEAM AND WE GOTTA LIVE IN THE SAME CABIN,
SO THIS IS ALL OF OUR BUSINESS.
YEAH, WE'RE A TEAM.
WE SHOULD BE USING THIS AS AN OPPORTUNITY
TO GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER BETTER.
YOU WANNA PLAY THAT WAY?
FINE, BE ON THEIR SIDE.
THIS IS MY SIDE AND THAT'S YOUR SIDE.
OKAY, I PROBABLY COULD HAVE PLAYED THAT BETTER.
BUT LESHAWNA SERIOUSLY CREASES ME.
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU KEEP PUTTING DOWN THAT TAPE.
AND IF YOU CROSS IT, I'LL SMACK YOU DOWN.
YOU CAN CHOOSE THE WEIRD GIRLS IF YOU WANT.
BUT JUST SO YOU KNOW, ONCE YOU DO,
YOU'RE, LIKE, NOT ALLOWED ON OUR SIDE.
RIGHT, LINDSAY?
HMPH.
I THOUGHT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE A TEAM.
YOU KNOW, UNITED, TOGETHER, IN SOLIDARITY OR SOMETHING.
LET'S BUILD BRIDGES, NOT WALLS.
TAKE YOUR PICK.
YOU JUST DUG YOUR OWN GRAVE.
LET'S TRY TO GET ALONG, OKAY?
OTHERWISE THE GUYS ARE GOING TO CREAM US.
DON'T YOU GET IT?
TOUGH ROOM.
IT'S TIME FOR TODAY'S CHALLENGE.
-UH, WHERE'S BREAKFAST AT? -(BOTH LAUGH)
STOP DOING THAT.
LET'S JUST TELL THEM.
TODAY'S CHALLENGE IS "THE BRUNCH OF DISGUSTINGNESS."
YOU'LL BE GETTING A NINE COURSE MEAL.
EACH MEMBER OF EACH TEAM MUST FINISH EACH DISH.
YOU WILL NOT KNOW
IF THE NEXT DISH IS GROSSER THAN THE LAST,
NOT AS GROSS OR JUST AS GROSS,
JUST THAT IT WILL LIKELY BE GROSS.
TELL THEM WHAT THEY'LL GET IF THEY WIN, CHRIS.
THE WINNING TEAM SPENDS TWO DAYS AT A LOCAL FIVE-STAR RESOR
WHERE THEY'LL BE PAMPERED, EAT GOURMET NOSH
AND BE GIVEN ANTIBIOTICS AGAINST ANYTHING THEY MAY HAVE CAUGH
WHILE PARTICIPATING IN THIS CHALLENGE.
THE LOSING TEAM WILL GO HUNGRY TONIGH
AND SPEND THE NEXT TWO DAYS HERE,
ON TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND
WITH CHEF.
(ALL GASP)
WE ARE GOING TO WIN THIS CHALLENGE.
I JUST HOPE WE WIN, TO EASE SOME OF THE TENSION.
I MEAN, I'LL TRY ANYTHING ONCE, EXCEPT MEAT.
I CAN'T EAT MEAT.
(CLEARS THROAT)
TAKE A WHIFF BOYS, (SNIFFS)
'CAUSE ALL I SMELL IS VICTORY FOR ME AND MY GIRLS.
I'LL EAT ANYTHING.
EVEN MY GITCH IF I HAVE TO.
WILL I HAVE TO?
LET'S BEGIN THE CHALLENGE.
FIRST, SOME HORS D'OEUVRES.
ALL RIGHT, MEATBALLS.
BRING IT ON.
WELL, TECHNICALLY YOU'RE RIGHT, OWEN,
BUT THESE ARE KINDA SPECIAL.
IT'S BEEF TESTICLE BOURGUIGNON.
(CRIES)
TESTICLES?
ALL: UGH.
I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS TO MY BOVINE BROTHER.
IT'S THE HARDEST THING A MAN CAN DO.
JUDGING FROM THE WAY
THE GUYS WERE REACTING TO THE,
UH, DISH, I KNEW WE COULD WIN THE ROUND.
AH!
OH, OKAY.
GROSS ME RIGHT OUT THE DOOR,
BUT I COULD TOTALLY USE A PEDICURE AT THAT RESORT.
MY CORNS ARE GROWING CORNS.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
MMM.
YOU BIG BOYS CAN'T EAT A LITTLE MEATBALL?
COME ON.
WE CAN'T LET THE GIRLS WIN.
OUR MANHOOD IS AT STAKE.
WHAT'RE YOU DOING?
WHY AREN'T YOU EATING?
I'M A VEGETARIAN.
IT'S AGAINST MY PRINCIPLES.
ARE YOU SABOTAGING THE TEAM JUST TO SPITE ME?
I FELT SO BAD.
I HAD TO HELP HER.
IT'S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL.
SOMETIMES THEY CASTRATE BULLS FOR, UH,
MEDICAL REASONS.
(SIGHS)
IT WAS SO SWEET OF HIM TO HELP.
I CAN'T DO IT.
WELL, LOOKS LIKE THE GUYS LOST THIS ROUND.
THE FIRST CHALLENGE GOES TO THE FEMALE CAMPERS.
(ALL CHEER)
THANKS FOR THE TALK, GEOFF.
UH, WHAT? YOU'RE HELPING THEM, DORK?
YOU JUST COST US THIS ROUND.
YO, IT'S MY BUSINESS WHO I TALK TO.
GIMME A BREAK, MAN.
WE CAN'T LET THEM WIN.
-YOU BLEW IT. -COME ON.
-D.J. CHICKENED OUT. -ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
ARE WE HERE TO ARGUE
OR ARE WE HERE TO EAT A SERIES OF REVOLTING MEALS?
-ALL RIGHT. -FINE.
-SORRY, MAN. -SORRY ABOUT THAT, DUDE.
I COULDN'T BELIEVE HOW QUICKLY THE GUYS MADE UP.
EVEN I LIKE TO HOLD A GRUDGE FOR A GOOD SIX MINUTES.
SCORE NOW STANDS AT ONE FOR THE GIRLS
AND ZERO FOR THE GUYS.
AND NOW THE NEXT COURSE IN
"THE BRUNCH OF DISGUSTINGNESS."
YOU GUYS LIKE PIZZA?
I COULD EAT PIZZA ANYTIME WITH ANYTHING ON IT.
ANYTHING?
HOW ABOUT LIVE GRASSHOPPER PIZZA WITH TANGY JELLYFISH SAUCE
AND LIVE ANCHOVIES?
I COULD EAT PIZZA ANYTIME WITH ANYTHING ON IT.
HOW ABOUT LIVE GRASSHOPPER PIZZA WITH TANGY JELLYFISH SAUCE
AND LIVE ANCHOVIES?
EW. I HATE ANCHOVIES.
UGH.
MNH-MNH, THAT IS STRAIGHT UP NASTY.
I AIN'T EATING THAT.
OH, YES, YOU ARE.
I AM NOT MISSING OUT ON AN INDOOR HEATED POOL
-JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN'T KEEP DOWN A FEW
-(CHIRPS)
(SCREAMS)
GRASSHOPPERS.
OKAY, I CAN'T DO THIS.
I'M DIGESTING A BULL'S PRECIOUS COJONES.
YOU'RE GONNA EAT.
FINE.
CAN I GET A LITTLE PARMESAN ON THIS?
MMM.
DELICIOUS.
YOU'RE UP NEXT.
OKAY, SURE I'VE EATEN TUNA SALAD SANDWICHES.
BUT I NEVER WORKED OUT MY POSITION
ON EATING LIVE FISH.
BUT I HAD TO GET IN GOOD WITH THE GROUP.
GO BRIDGETTE, GO BRIDGETTE.
RIGHT ON, GIRL.
WHOA, BIG GUY, NO TAKING SECONDS UNTIL EVERYBODY'S HAD A SLICE.
THERE IS NO WAY I'M EATING THAT.
IT'S NOT EVEN FOOD.
LINDSAY,
LINDSAY, LET'S TRY A LITTLE YOGIC MEDITATION, OKAY?
FIRST, GET INTO LOTUS POSITION.
OM, OM, UMM.
NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, TEAMWORK.
FLY ME SOME FINGERS.
I'VE GOT A WEAK STOMACH.
UH, BE RIGHT BACK.
(THROWS UP)
WHEN I WAS A KID, MY PARENTS USED TO HOLD ME DOWN
AND FORCE FEED ME BROCCOLI.
THEY ONLY DID IT BECAUSE BROCCOLI IS
GOOD FOR YA.
I CAN DO THIS.
D.J., I NEED YOU TO HOLD ME DOWN
WHILE, GEOFF, YOU STUFF THE SLICE IN MY MOUTH.
AND NO MATTER HOW MUCH I SCREAM OR BEG,
YOU HAVE GOT TO FEED ME THAT SLICE.
HUH. SURE, I'M IN.
NO, STOP.
WAIT, IT WAS A JOKE.
I WAS KIDDING.
HA-HA, HA-HA, HA, HA.
I'M WARNING YOU, MY DAD'S A LAWYER.
MOMMA?
IT WASN'T THAT BAD.
I WAS PLAYING IT UP FOR THE CAMERAS,
YOU KNOW, TO BOOST RATINGS.
I DON'T REALLY MIND BEEF TESTICLES
OR LIVE GRASSHOPPER PIZZA WITH A JELLYFISH--
(THROWING UP)
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I CAN'T BE DOING THIS.
LITTLE GRASSHOPPER MINDING HIS OWN BUSINESS,
WHY WOULD I WANNA GO
AND BITE HIS LITTLE HEAD OFF FOR?
THE WINNERS OF THIS ROUND ARE THE GUYS.
(GUYS CHEER)
WHAT?
I WAS EXCITED ABOUT THE NEXT DISH.
I MADE IT FROM SCRATCH.
ALL RIGHT.
WHO'S READY FOR THE THIRD COURSE?
SPAGHETTI.
WELL, ACTUALLY, EARTHWORMS COVERED IN SNAIL SLIME SAUCE
AND HAIRBALLS.
NO, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
AAH, AAH, AAH!
I'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS.
OKAY, OKAY, I'M GOOD, I'M GOOD.
I LOVE SPAGHETTI.
SPAGHETTI IS GOOD.
-OKAY. -OM.
UGH.
(GAGS)
WHERE AM I?
DONE. (BURPS)
AND ONCE AGAIN,
THE WINNERS ARE THE GUYS.
GUYS: YAHOO!
COME ON, YOU GUYS,
LET'S SHOW THEM SOME GIRL POWER.
BRIDGETTE'S RIGHT.
-LET'S KICK SOME BOY BUTT. -YEAH.
JUST LIKE I'VE BEEN SAYING ALL ALONG.
WE'VE GOTTA ACT LIKE A TEAM.
WHATEVER.
CHRIS: ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY,
TIME FOR COURSE NUMBER FOUR.
NO NINE COURSE MEAL WOULD BE COMPLETE WITHOUT SOUP.
TODAY'S SPECIAL IS FRENCH BUNION SOUP
WITH HANGNAIL CRACKERS.
I THINK THEY JUST USED STUFF FROM CHEF'S BATHROOM FLOOR.
(GASPS)
I DIDN'T EVEN TASTE IT.
THE GIRLS WIN AGAIN.
-THE SCORE'S NOW TIED UP AT TWO.
-WE WON.
I THINK THE GIRLS REALLY MADE A BREAKTHROUGH
AS A TEAM.
ONLY FIVE MORE COURSES LEFT.
BON APPETIT.
CHORUS: YOU GOTTA EAT ♪
EAT TO WIN ♪
DON'T LET THEM GROSS YOU OUT ♪
DON'T LET THEM PUSH YOU DOWN ♪
STAND UP TALL AND SAY YOU CAN ♪
YOU GOTTA EAT EAT TO WIN ♪
YOU GOTTA EAT EAT TO WIN ♪
WOW.
IT'S STILL TIED UP.
WE'RE DOWN TO THE LAST COURSE IN THE CHALLENGE.
IT'S DELICIOUS DOLPHIN WIENERS.
HOT DOGS MADE OF DOLPHIN.
(GASPS) BUT DOLPHINS ARE OUR FRIENDS.
WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
IT'S ALREADY DEAD.
IF YOU DON'T EAT IT, WE DON'T WIN.
OH, I CAN'T.
I'M A SURFER.
I SWIM WITH DOLPHINS.
EAT IT!
NO, I'M NOT DOING IT.
YOU CAN'T PRESSURE ME.
I'M WITH YOU, SISTER, I'M NOT EATING NO DOLPHIN.
I SLAVE OVER A HOT STOVE COOKING DOLPHIN,
NO APPRECIATION.
OKAY, ENOUGH.
WE'LL SOLVE THIS BY HAVING AN EAT-OFF.
WHOEVER CAN DRINK
THE MOST SHOT GLASSES OF FRESH
DELICIOUS BLENDED COCKROACH
WILL BE THE WINNER.
THIS UNLIKELY SATISFYING BLEND OF EIGHT DIFFERENT COCKROACHES
IS VITAMIN RICH FOR YOUR BALANCED LIFESTYLE.
ON YOUR MARK,
GET SET, GO.
OWEN WINS.
LESHAWNA, YOU ARE COMPLETELY USELESS.
OH. SOMETHING'S COMING UP.
CHRIS: THE GUYS ARE THE BIG WINNERS TODAY,
AND THE GIRLS GO THEIR SEPARATE WAYS.
TWO DEFINITIVE CLEATS HAVE BEEN CEMENTED.
-(KNOCKING ON THE DOOR) -FOR NOW.
WHAT SHOCKING SURPRISES ARE IN STORE
FOR OUR CAMPERS NEXT WEEK AS THEY HEAD FOR THE BIG MERGE.
TUNE IN ON TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND.