Welcome to Wrexham (2022) s01e14 Episode Script

1
HUMPHREY: Uh, yeah,
I'm filming an audition
for a new
television program, um,
called Obi-Wan Kenobi.
It's a Star Wars thing,
so it's pretty cool.
[singsong] Making TV.
Making TV.
None of it's glamourous.
Oh, gosh. I do look fat.
That can't be helped.
I think I need to,
you know, reposition this
slightly over here.
All right, come on then.
Let's give it
the old college try.
[singsong] Checking it.
Checking it out.
PERSON: What was the direction
they gave you for the shot?
The direction they gave me
was to look
like you are walking
in some solemn
military ceremony type thing.
So I'm trying to sort of march
to a certain extent.
I mean, it looks stupid now
but imagine it in a Star War.
It'll be unbelievably cool.
[Star Wars theme playing]
[blasters firing]
All right.
It's in the can.
That's what they say
on the movies.
[theme music continues]
BUDDY: [singing] Every day,
it's a-getting closer
Going faster
than a roller coaster
Love like yours will
surely come my way
A-hey, a-hey-hey
Every day,
it's a-getting faster
Everyone said,
"Go ahead and ask her"
Love like yours will
surely come my way
A-hey, a-hey-hey
Love like yours will
surely come my way
[laughter]
[quirky music]
How are you?
- I'm fine.
Yeah.
RYAN: Hey, does anyone have
a glasses cleaner?
[laughter]
PRODUCER: The goal post?
RYAN: Yeah.
[indistinct chatter]
SHAUN: We got a surprise visit
by Ryan,
who's actually filming
some commercial work.
And obviously, you know,
to try and continue
to build the profile
of the club,
you know,
wanted to film it here.
So he's actually in situ
at this moment in time.
[laughing] Yeah.
JULIE: I don't know
what the advert's about.
It's a little bit extra
than our normal job, isn't it,
to do, to sort of, um,
facilitate that,
but it comes as part
of having this new world
with these new owners really.
I'm addicted to building
things and growing things.
Like, strategically thinking
about how we can move
the ball forward.
I'll lie awake at night
for hours just thinking about
how we can better center
this club on the world stage
and grow the football club
into something that just, like,
utterly sustains itself.
That's the sort of dream
that I have for Wrexham.
Hi, gents.
How's it going, everyone?
You guys all right?
PLAYER: Yeah, you?
RYAN: This will be painless.
I promise.
You won't feel a thing.
[laughter]
How's it going, everyone?
You guys all right?
Yeah, okay. Mullin.
Fucking collecting red cards
like a fuckingall right.
I might move Mullin
to over here somewhere,
if that's okay.
PERSON: Yeah, yeah.
'Cause I kinda want
a sharp, like
we're gonna do a little
something where, you know,
they all sort of mutter,
"Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We get it,"
and then somebody
I hear somebody say, "Idiot,"
or something.
I think it'll be Mullin.
Angus, you're gonna
give me the
the "We play in the winter."
And then who can
give me something
about, um,
"They play in the winter
in the upper leagues too?"
Kwame.
You wanna do it, Kwame?
- That's Kwame.
- Big Chris'll do it.
RYAN: You got it? Great. Great.
[laughter]
Attaboy.
Wow. It is cold out there.
Glad we don't play
in the winter.
PLAYER: Ryan
Dear God, we have gotta
get out of this league.
[laughter]
RYAN: Not so easy,
is it, motherfucker?
No.
RYAN: Yeah.
I was gonna point
towards Stanwick.
RYAN: Right, no.
Don't get fancy with it.
[laughter]
Don't get fancy
with it, rookie.
[laughter]
PERSON: Fucking hell, lads.
Idiot.
RYAN: Mullin!
I will shove a red card
so far up your ass,
people will think
it's your tongue.
Wanker.
RYAN: Mullin!
I will shove a red card
so far up your ass,
we'll need a team of doctors
to find my hand.
DIRECTOR:
Three, two, one, action.
- Idiot.
- Mullin!
I will shove a red card
so far up your ass,
people will thinks
it's your tongue.
Now
Let's talk
nighttime skin care routines.
1Password.
Simplest, smartest,
securi-er-est.
Thanks, guys.
Great work. Great work.
Just because last time we had
when the TikTokers were in,
it kinda took the focus away
from the game a little bit.
RYAN: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
GEMMA: Every game's
an important game.
So you want the lads
to be focused
and not kind of
messing about with
with doing other things.
But it is what it is.
ROB: Okay, we're gonna
stop down for a second
and do some Last Dance shit.
Because I want you
to totally understand
what's happening
in this episode.
And much like Michael Jordan,
I've got opinions.
I don't know if you picked up
on this,
but just a few moments ago
in the episode,
Kevin, our head physio,
referred to Ryan's visit
as a fucking disgrace.
Kevin, I agree with you.
And it's not because I don't
appreciate what Ryan is doing.
It is a very important part
of the project.
He is growing
the exposure of the club.
None of those reasons
are the reasons
why I think it is a disgrace.
I think it's a fucking disgrace
because he went without me.
He went to Wales without me.
And he seems to be having
the time of his life.
So let me give you an example
of the kinda stuff
that I'm doing.
Tell me a little bit
about what you know
about this evening, Rob.
What you're doing here.
I am here to celebrate,
uh, with members
of the Welsh government
and, uh, prominent Welsh people
and, um, some other people
who live in the area
and members of the media,
Saint David's Day.
I'm working.
I'm back here
in the United States
forging relationships
with the Welsh government.
REPORTER: Sounds like now
you've embraced the fact
that all of Wales see you
as an honorary Welsh
and ambassador for Wales
as well.
With great honor and respect,
um, accept that responsibility.
ZOWIE: The greatest asset
we have is our people,
including our newest member, Rob,
who we are just delighted
to claim as our own.
ROB: I'm trying to open up
lines of communication
and mutual respect between us
and an entire nation.
[all cheering]
[speaking Welsh]
I'm learning Welsh,
for God's sakes.
[speaking Welsh]
ROB: This is my teacher, Gwyneth.
She is the absolute best.
Hi, Gwyneth.
[both speaking Welsh]
[all singing in Welsh]
I-I don't know,
I thought it was important
to maybe get
a better understanding
of-of the country
and the people.
But apparently,
they don't seem to mind,
'cause everywhere he goes,
everybody just loves him.
Everybodylook at all the
smiles and theand the hugs.
Looklook at the way
Mullin's looking at him.
For Christ's sake. Look.
Let's just go to a commercial.
Let's just go to a commercial.
But I'm sure
it's gonna be one of his.
Recently,
and for no reason at all
Oh, oh, it is.
It is one of his.
What a big surprise.
And now I'm doing
a commercial for him.
I'm in a commercial
for Mint Mobile.
And I'm not affiliated
with this company at all.
They're not paying me
to do this.
I don't own a piece of the
of the company,
but Ryan assured me
that it's actually good for me
'cause it's great exposure.
And the most [bleep] up thing
is that he's right.
Lowering prices on every plan
to just $15 a month.
And I will stay the hell
out of the legal department.
is a competition
that's played between clubs
from the National League
where we play and below.
So over the course
of football season,
Wrexham play
in three competitions.
You got the League
that's the main one
that people really care about.
You've got the FA Cup.
That's probably the second
most, uh, exciting one.
Uh, and you got the FA Trophy.
Now, we all know
what the League is.
I don't need to go into that.
The FA Trophy
and the FA Cup are similar.
They're cup competitions.
They're knockout competitions.
Maybe you've seen
maybe you've seen Wimbledon.
Huh? Yeah? And the tennis?
All sorts of people enter.
They get whittled down until
there's only one team left.
Now, this happens
concurrently with the League.
Um, look, it's complicated.
I understand
you're probably quite confused.
But we've been doing it
for hundreds of years.
So just chill out.
It'll be fine.
COMMENTATOR:
And here we go, everybody.
A brief departure
from Wrexham's promotion
campaign in the League.
Today, Wrexham
and Stockport will face off
in the FA Trophy semi-final.
Wrexham is also
currently in second place
in League play
behind Stockport
in the fight for promotion.
But here
in this cup competition,
a win today would send
the Red Dragons
to the FA Trophy final
at famous Wembley Stadium.
Once again,
there is a burden of proof
on goalkeeper
Christian Dibble,
who is still struggling
to meet the challenge
of filling in
for the injured Rob Lainton.
RYAN: There the boys.
TERRY: That's incredible.
RYAN: There they go.
That's Tozer right there.
He's got the ball.
He's kicking it back and forth
Ollie Palmer.
Ollie Palmer right there.
He's a beast.
Receiving the ball.
RYAN: And that's Dibble.
A great keeper.
TERRY: Yeah?
RYAN: And got a great heart.
Mr. Lainton.
- Hi.
RYAN: How are you, buddy.
- Not too bad. Yourself?
RYAN: I'm all right.
How does it feel?
Uh-huh.
Has the surgery
been done already?
Feels good?
I mean, like,
the doctor feels good?
Oh, it broke my heart.
[laughs]
No, no.
Oh, yeah. It did.
We were like,
"No, no, no, no, no."
Can I introduce you
to my brother?
- Cool, sure.
- He's here. My brother Terry.
Terry.
TERRY: Hey.
It's Rob Lainton.
He's our goal
I won't try
to shake that hand.
He's the goalkeeper.
He's playing today, actually,
which is gonna be,
yeah, really interesting.
TERRY: Just put mitts on.
RYAN: Yeah. Absolutely.
It's my very first game
being here
other than trying
to watch clips from YouTube.
Come on!
Let's fucking go!
Oh, I wish you were
out there today, Rob.
Yeah.
Reynolds, lad! Oh!
ROB: Ugh. Oh, my God.
I'd like to have my name sung
to the tune of "Guantanamera"
by 10,000 people.
That sounds pretty cool.
But, you know
he didn't even wanna do this.
This whole thing was my idea.
I should've bought
a football team in New York.
Even when he did, he was
like, "Eh, I'm not really sure
if I, like, am that into it."
Insane decision I made
a year and half ago.
Just totally fucking insane.
Now he's, like, going
without me.
He's going without me.
In case you're wondering,
this flight was booked
using Expedia.com,
proud sponsor of Wrexham AFC.
Oh, good, and now he looks
like a hero
in front of the sponsors.
I could do it too.
Expedia. Expedia. Use Expedia.
Expedia.com. Expedia.
Expedia. Use Expedia.
I love Expedia.
MARK: Welcome back, everybody,
to the second half
of the FA Trophy
semi-final between Wrexham
and Stockport County.
Stockport getting
a bit more lively.
Dribbles past one,
Dribbles past two.
Ball finds its way
to Connor Jennings.
And what a save
for Christian Dibble again.
Not once but twice this game,
he's come up with a huge save.
Massive chance for Stockport.
Johnson.
Dibble
with a strong lunge there.
[dramatic music]
[cheers and applause]
[cheers and applause]
[triumphant music]
[crowd chanting]
Wrexham going for Wembley!
[cheers and applause]
What a noise
on the racecourse!
[whistle blows]
There's the final whistle.
Wrexham are going to Wembley
for an FA Trophy final.
And it's that man once again.
Super Paul Mullin is the hero,
netting two stunning goals
in injury time.
An outstanding performance
by Dibble.
And some late fireworks
by Mullin
punch Wrexham's ticket
to Wembley.
Goodness me, Wrexham's recent
winning streak
has delivered
an FA Trophy final,
and they're proven beyond
a shadow of a doubt today
that they can not only compete
with the Stockport Counties
of this world, but beat them.
Automatic promotion
out the League.
Silverware and the FA Trophy
final is in sight.
And I ask you,
who can possibly stop us now?
That'sI mean, that's
RYAN:
I was so into this endeavor
as just, like a zoomed-out
macro project
that involved a club,
a business,
which is also the club,
and a community
and how those
kind of intersect.
ROB: Ugh, here it comes.
RYAN: I didn't expect to take
the red pill,
with respect to Wrexham,
and really kind of go down
that rabbit hole with them
and start to understand
the kind of
the actual fabric
and DNA of their passion
and love for this club.
It sort of transcends
wins and losses.
[soft music]
ROB: Oh, look, he's
everybody's best friend now.
Kissing babies.
Hugging everybody. Why not?
Oh, now he's hugging Ollie.
Ollie's not wearing a shirt.
That's cool.
And he's justyeah, hug him.
Hughug everybody.
He doesn't hug Blake this much.
Oh, now he'syep. Yeah.
Hug Jordan again.
Yeah, hug Paul again.
Hug Ollie again.
That'sthat's two.
All right, yeah, just
oh, and now he's
now he's hugging Ollie again.
That's a third
that's three times.
That's three times he's hugged
Ollie with no shirt on.
I meanKevin?
Kevin was just bitching
aboutthis is insane!
Kevin, don't hug him.
Kevin. Kevin.
I don't think I ever
really understood football.
But that Stockport match,
I feel it in my bones.
ROB: Okay. Okay. All right.
Fine, fine.
So I'm, of course, happy
that we beat Stockport,
and yes, I've been complaining
this whole episode,
but I am happy for Ryan
that he got to see
this incredible win.
And look how happy he is.
I mean, how can I be
upset with that?
After all, who can
stay mad at this guy?
He's just the best.
And I really do love him.
RYAN: That was nice.
I love you too, Rob.
ROB: Wait, what?
You can hear me?
RYAN: Oh, no, yes.
I heard everything.
ROB: How is that possible?
RYAN: Well, this is
the Hollywood episode, Rob.
Anything's possible.
ROB: Oh.
Okay. Uh, well, bye, I guess.
I miss you, buddy.
RYAN: I miss you too,
but I'm gonna see you soon
at Wembley.
SINGERS: [singing]
Here they come
Our mighty champions
Raise your voices to the anthem
ROB: Yeah, see you at Wembley.
RYAN: [laughs] I can't wait.
Oh, it's gonna be amazing.
ROB: Up the town.
SINGERS: [singing]
See the Reds
Who fight together
Speak their names
with pride forever
Marching like a mighty army
Wrexham is the name
Fearless in devotion, hey, hey
Rising to promotion, hey, hey
To the ranks of mighty heroes
Fighting foes in every land,
hey, hey, hey
History only tells the story
[child giggles, seagull cries]