Who's the Boss? (1984) s01e14 Episode Script

Take that, you dirty wax build-up.
Don't step on the floor! Hey, you! You missed a spot! - Hey, Jonathan, wait up! - Sam, don't- Don't worry, Sam, got it.
You could close the door! Somebody else is coming! That must be somebody else.
What's going on? What, what, what? Well, kids will be kids- - Sorry.
- Yeah, yeah.
Hey, Mona who was the big hairy kid with the wet nose? That's Grover, my new roommate.
Oh, well, look, so people will talk, huh? - As long as you're happy.
- You're right.
So tails will wag.
He did look like a big, lovable mutt, though.
There's an animaI out there attacking the children! - Oh, I like him.
- Oh, Angela, look at them.
They're just playing.
Hey, give me a kiss.
- He's not vicious? - Of course not.
He's just discriminating.
Hey, Grove.
Hey, Grove.
Oh, seems to like me.
Hey, she's all right once you get to know her.
That's Angela.
Hey, let's go down to Richard Welling's house.
I thought you were afraid of him.
Not anymore.
Just say the secret word: Angela.
- Isn't that cute? - Hey, Grove, take it easy.
Where did you get him, Mother? Does he have papers? Oh, he doesn't need them.
He's housebroken.
Oh, Angela, I mean, what was I going to do? Mr.
Brubaker was going to be thrown out of his apartment if he didn't get rid of him.
Well, how come they're letting you stay? Well, they're not.
- Eviction city.
- Eviction? Mother, that means you're getting thrown out.
Didn't go to graduate schooI for nothing, did she? Well, where are you going to stay? Mom, what are all those suitcases doing out there? Perhaps you'd like to stay here.
I never thought of that.
Mona's moving in.
All right! - It's only temporary.
- It's just temporary.
Hey, what do you mean, temporary? You're family.
Are you kidding? You need a place to stay, you stay here as long as you want, temporarily.
Hold on, Grove, dinner's coming.
I don't believe it.
There's nothing.
There are no apartments, and the houses are out of sight.
- Don't worry, she'll find something.
- I don't know.
It's been three weeks.
- This is good.
- Yeah, yeah, good.
It'll also give you a shiny coat and prevent doggy breath.
Great, great news, lookie loos! I am buying a condo, a brand-new condo.
- That's wonderfuI! Where? - It's in New London.
Oh, it's lovely.
It's all landscaped so beaut- Oh, Mother, well, New London is 60 miles away.
- There's nothing there but a NavaI base.
- That's another plus.
What's wrong with you staying here? That's the way I grew up, the way I was raised.
One family under one roof.
Aunts, Uncle Vinnie, your cousins.
- You take care of your own.
- Well, that's very ethnic, Tony and it's very touching but it's just not Connecticut.
Anyway, Angela and I wouldn't last 20 minutes under the same roof, would we? I got it.
I love it when I'm brilliant.
Are you kidding me? You can live right out there in the garage.
What are you gonna do, put her up on blocks? No, no, I mean the loft above the garage.
It used to be a barn, so it's big enough.
It'd be perfect.
Oh, great, it was good enough for a cow.
Use your imagination.
Some paint, some nails.
That loft'll make a terrific apartment and the best part, you'd be under different roofs.
Well, technically, we'd be under different roofs but, you know, Tony, it's still, you know close.
Well, New London is, you know, far.
So this is too close, and this is too far.
How many miles away should a mother live from her daughter? Eight.
You know, Tony, you're right.
It does have a separate entrance so people could come and go.
What people? The New York Jets, Angela.
I know two guys who could do the construction work, Battalia and Son.
Well, actually, I always have intended to do something with that space.
Bingo! And I suppose with the money I was going to spend on a condo I could make a pad there.
Oh, no, you don't.
No, you don't.
It's my barn, I'll do it, and I'll rent it out to you.
No way.
Now, look, if it's going to be my apartment, I want it to be my way.
Ladies.
It'll be both of yours.
See, Mona'll pay for part.
You pay for decorations and for furnishings.
You pay for part, Angela.
You pay for structuraI and the basic stuff, okay? You two are partners.
I love when things work out.
Oh, Mother, look at this.
Look how nicely they did this bathroom.
Where did they get those faucets? They're so blah.
Mother! They're the faucets I have! Oh, well, I'm sure blah can be functionaI.
But look here, Angela.
Angela, look at these beauties.
- These are the ones I'm going to buy.
- Mother! You can't put faucets like that in your house.
Suppose the children see them.
Fine, Mother, order the faucets.
What is this? $3500 for a bathtub? Well, I just got the basic modeI.
Eight jets, and it only seats two people.
Mother, I told you I didn't want to go ahead untiI we got an estimate.
I got an estimate.
A week from Wednesday.
You don't mind if the Battalias come in and have a beer, do you? I am paying them by the hour.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, they'll drink fast.
Come on in, guys.
- Hello.
- Hey, hey, hey, father and son.
Hey, hey, hey, mother and daughter.
- Dynamite faucets.
- Thanks, Dom.
- Mother.
- The man has taste.
Would you mind giving me an estimate on how much the bathroom will cost? Yeah, well, that depends on how many extras you want, you know? I mean, for example, do you want electricity? Well, yes.
You want water? She wants electricity and- You want to write it down, son, please? Electricity and water.
Do you want a door? Well, it is a bathroom.
Do you want it to open? Yeah, I think she wants it to open.
All right, we got electricity, water Okay, $2200.
- Yo, hey, paisan.
- Six hundred dollars.
Dom, look, I want you to make money, but let's not try to retire, huh? What are you doing? Are you gouging my friends? Tony, will you? I am just allowing myself a profit which is commensurate with the socioeconomic status of my client.
Yeah, what do you call that, Dom? Gouging.
Angela, with all the money we're saving now we can go for the 8-foot picture window.
What 8-foot picture window? The one in the sitting room that looks out through the elms.
- Right into my bedroom.
- Big deaI.
It's not as though anything happens there.
That wasn't necessary.
Why would you do that? - What did you get us into, Dad? - This is just a family squabble.
You know how families are.
Mother, you do not put a picture window in a rustic barn.
No picture window.
Who says, huh? No picture window, no Mona, no apartment.
Hold it with the okay? I mean, I don't care who lives in it.
AII I know is I'm building it.
I got a contract.
That's why they call me a contractor.
So that's where that came from.
Look, Mona, if you find yourself with a few extra minutes why don't you come on upstairs and watch me spackle.
What are you two doing? What are we talking about here? A bathtub, a picture window a couple of faucets that are rated PG-13.
- There's more important things in life.
- Yeah.
The most important thing in life is for her to run everybody's life! - I'm just trying to tell you what's right.
- What's right? You are a rigid, uptight, stick-in-the-mud! And you are a frivolous self-centred child! Face it, Angela, we have absolutely nothing in common! You're right, absolutely nothing! You've got a few things in common.
- You're both pig-headed.
- We're not-! It's fine, Mother.
Whatever you decide to do with the apartment is fine because I am never, ever setting foot in it.
Ever! - Come on, now - That's the best news I've heard all day.
- Is that a promise? - It is! Good, then I'm moving up there right now.
Mona.
Mona, there's no heat.
There's no electricity.
There's noth- You know, I thought Brooklyn was loud.
- Oh, hi, Dad.
- Hi, sweetheart.
- I thought I heard you in the shower.
- No, it's Mona.
She still doesn't have heat or water so as soon as Angela left, I snuck her in the bathroom.
Good idea.
A week out in that barn, and she must be kind of ripe.
Don't worry about it.
We're taking care of her.
Hi, everybody.
Hi, Angela.
I thought you went shopping.
Well, I got to the expressway and I realized I forgot my credit cards.
- What's the matter? - She just means it's terrible thing - to leave home without them.
- I'm lost without mine.
See? See? - Good luck, Dad.
- Thanks, have a good game.
Hey, sit.
I'll get them.
I'll get them.
- I'm here to serve.
- Tony - what is going on around here? - Nothing, nothing.
I want you to save your energy to fight them bargain hunters at Gucci's.
- Mother.
- Angela.
Oh, you still remember each other's names.
I must have made a wrong turn.
Which way is it to the health club? The health club.
Is she a riot? Is she-? She's- After everything, she hasn't lost her sense of humour.
- I have.
- Who will notice? Oh, here's 50 cents for the shower I took and I made a phone call.
Here's my dime.
- Mother.
- Yes? A phone call is 20 cents now.
Put it on my bill.
How long is this gonna go on? Go up there and talk to her.
I said I was not going up there, and I'm not.
You didn't mean everything you said.
She meant what she said, and that hurts.
And what really hurts is that she's right.
Sometimes I- I wish I were less like me and more like her.
- Aw, come on- - No, really, she's this free spirit and I'm so controlled and conservative, and I don't know, whatever else she said.
- Rigid and uptight.
- Thanks a lot, Tony.
Stick-in-the-mud was But she doesn't mean it that way.
Your mother has a hard time expressing her feelings about you but she feels.
She feels, let me tell you.
- Excuse me- - Excuse me, this is my house.
You do not come busting in here like this.
Right, sorry.
- Come in.
- Excuse me, Mrs.
Bower would it be all right if I borrowed your fire extinguisher? - Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, a fire.
- I got it, I got it.
No problemo! No problemo! Everything is going to be fine.
Don't worry about a thing.
Get over there quick! What happened? Well, the wires are smouldering a little bit.
But it's gonna be fine when we get the room rewired.
- Rewired? How much will that cost? - Oh, $1500.
Six hundred dollars.
Come in! - It's open.
- Yeah.
I guess the Battalias were right, huh? You should have sprung for the hinges.
Hey, Mone, look at this place, huh? Walls and everything.
It's great.
Yeah, I'm going to be in the next issue of Better Homes and Barns.
Hey, Mone, I'm sorry about Angela catching you coming out of the shower.
Beats running naked through the car wash.
I never know what to tip those guys who toweI you off.
My man, Grove.
Hey, hey, Grover, baby.
Grove.
I love this dog.
Grover, what's happening, huh? It's okay.
Don't get up.
- Pull up a naiI keg and sit down.
- All right, hey, look.
- Mone, I talked to Angela.
- Oh, about what? About coming up here and talking to you.
What did she say? She said, no way.
It's up to you.
Had lunch? - What, are you kidding, Mona? - Here.
Make yourself usefuI.
I mean, there's nothing to talk about, Tony.
I cannot tell her she's wrong.
I am irresponsible.
She knows me.
Mona, she didn't mean " irresponsible.
" She meant "fun-loving" and "delightfuI.
" Oh, sure.
Mona, look, all you gotta do is apologize to her.
Have a pickle.
Thanks.
Boy, you really know how to live.
Listen, Mone, I hope you like these rare.
Don't bite the screwdriver.
- Ready? - I don't know.
- Here we go.
- Okay.
Oh, Mone, I think- - Maybe- Maybe Grover'll like these.
- Oh, boy.
Grove, here you go.
You like this hot dog? Hey.
Oh, come on, Grove.
That dog will do anything for a laugh.
Yeah, you and that dog make a great team.
It's just you and your daughter that I'm having a hard time understanding.
Well Tony, look, if Angela is a little square, and she is, it's really my fault.
How do you figure? Well, you see, Angela was only 14 when her father died and he- He took care of everything.
I mean, me, the house, the business.
And I was a little over-protected.
I just didn't know how to deaI with anything.
- Well, somehow you managed, Mona.
- No, Tony, I didn't.
Angela did.
She paid the bills, she balanced the checkbook she took care of the house, and I let her.
Well, now she is the president of a big advertising agency.
And you did that too, Mona.
- Thanks, Tony.
- You bet your life.
Now, come on.
You guys gotta make up.
- It's all right.
You guys can make up.
- Yeah, sure.
Yeah, we can.
Okay.
Sure.
Just as soon as she gets her uptight buns up here and begs my forgiveness.
Tony? Tony? Where is everybody? What is that racket? I'm hungry.
Oh, hey.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Wait.
Where are you going with those sandwiches? You're late.
We're going to Mona's.
- For what? - For Mona's housewarming party.
I don't know anything about it.
I wasn't invited.
Oh, your invitation probably got lost in the maiI.
- It had so far to go.
- Come on, Angela.
Angela there's good food up there.
Food.
Yeah.
I'm not hungry.
There's cute guys up there too.
I'm not interested.
Sounds like the party's heating up.
I gotta go.
Hey.
Tony, would you please tell the tenant to turn the music down? Oh, hey, hey, ho, I'm just a guest.
I don't wanna get involved in tenant-landlord relationships.
You expect me to go up there? You're the landlady.
Turn that music down! Mother, turn the music off.
I can't hear you, Angela.
I've got pillows on my ears.
I am trying to tell you to turn the music off! Oh, Angela, you need not shout.
The music was bad enough.
I'm sorry.
Where do you think it was coming from? Well, I thought it was you trying to blast me out.
Well, I thought it was you having a housewarming party.
And where would you ever get a crazy idea like that? Room service.
- I should've known: the "music man.
" - There you go, ladies.
Whatever you're trying to do, it's not going to work.
Tony, your heart may be in the right place, but your nose isn't.
So butt out.
No tip? All right, go ahead.
Stay mad at each other.
See if I care.
I don't care.
I just have to say one thing, though.
Take a look at this place.
Would you look around? You see what happens when you put an intelligent, no-nonsense executive together with a creative, imaginative free spirit? This place is beautifuI.
Who says a stuffed shirt and a flake can't work together? Huh? You think about it.
I'm out of here.
He always gets so worked up about things.
Well, maybe we all do.
I know you do.
Mother the place looks very nice.
Really, it- It looks great.
Mother.
Oh, Mother, this is terrific.
Mother, you've done a wonderfuI job.
I'll drink to that.
Oh, Mother, I love you dearly but sometimes you just make me crazy.
I'll drink to that too.
- Mother, you just don't think.
- I know, dear.
But that's why I've got you because you're always dependable, responsible practicaI, predictable, plodding pokey.
Pedestrian, pedantic.
Well, I guess that covers the Ps.
That's why I need you, Mother.
You put some other letters in my life.
Okay, Angela.
Here's to U and I.
Mother, it's "you" and "me.
" Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute.
Tony took my Dom Perignon.
I was saving this for a romantic evening.
Oh, Angela, eventually this stuff goes flat.
Hi.
I didn't see anybody come storming out, no bodies were flying around I figured it was safe to come back.
You know what time it is? It's party time! I promised you a party.
There's music, there's dancing, there's food.
- Where are the cute guys? - You're looking at us.
Here, Grove.