Wizards of Waverly Place s01e14 Episode Script

Did my messenger fish just tell you my evil plan? No.
All right.
This time, pay attention.
Dear Mama, you'll be proud to know that after the 12-ball tournament reveals the best young wizard, l will drain-- Okay, maybe he did tell me.
She is not my mother, you stupid fish.
Hey, at least l didn't tell her about Volcanoland.
l never said anything about Volcanoland.
Well, you have to go to an undersea volcano to drain a wizard's powers.
And Volcanoland is the only-- We have a problem.
You just heard my plan.
And l love your plan.
l think it'd be great for me if Justin wins the tournament and you drain his powers.
How so? Because without his powers, there's no way he'll end up being the family wizard.
l will.
Well, of course there's Max, but he thinks microwave popcorn's magic, so Well, it looks like we're on the same side.
Care to seal it with a diabolical laugh? l'll try.
Needs more bass.
l thought l heard voices.
Good evening, Headmaster Crumbs.
Just here with one of my prized students.
Really? Alex Russo is one of your prized students? All the other teachers say she's remarkably slack.
And you know how we feel about slackers.
We don't like slackers.
Perhaps they don't know Ms.
Russo as well as l do.
Well, then.
Perhaps l should stick around and get to know you too.
Now, what are we talking about? Just girl talk.
Bras and stuff.
Oh, well, then, l've got to go.
Forget the Waverly Sub Station.
They use day-old bread.
Beautiful people eat at The Salad Bowl.
Lots of attractive women eat salads these days.
Look at this.
No wonder we had such a slow day.
Excuse me.
What do you think you're doing? lt's not Halloween, and you're a little too old to be trick-or-treating anyway.
lf you don't mind, why don't you stand in front of the clown supply.
l think you'd fit in better over there.
l have to stand here because l'm stealing your customers with my crisp lettuce and crunchy cucumbers.
You can't do that.
That's what the hot-dog guy in Washington Square Park said.
Now he's holding the arrow toward cheap furniture going out of business.
So back off, meat eaters.
Listen, you talking bowl of freak.
You are not gonna steal our customers.
Submarine sandwiches have a long history in New York City.
And l know New Yorkers, and New Yorkers love sandwiches.
They're not just gonna give them up for tomatoes, carrots and-- What are those, snails? They're porcini mushrooms.
Oh, l love porcini mushrooms.
Jerry.
- l-- - Get inside.
Okay, look, all we have to do is advertise our shop like she advertises hers.
Where are we gonna find a goof to wear a ridiculous costume for us? lt's time for the serve-and-volley drill.
You serve, l volley.
You cry for mercy.
l wasn't ready.
Justin, can l talk to you? l need to practice.
l'm playing in the semifinals tomorrow.
No, you're not.
Dr.
Evilini is gonna drain the champion's powers at Volcanoland.
- l can't let you win this thing.
- l'm sorry, volcano what? Her messenger fish told me.
She wants to become the most powerful wizard.
So there's a volcano and a messenger fish.
We need to focus on Evilini.
l don't know if you know, but she's evil.
No.
Her name's Evilini.
And how much clearer could it be? Okay, if she was really evil, don't you think she would've changed her name to Really-Friendly-ini or Nice-ini or Totally-Not-Evil-ini? All right, we're not getting anywhere.
You need to listen to me.
This is exactly why l didn't want you to come to Wiz Tech.
Stop bothering me.
l need to focus and concentrate.
lf l could focus, l would've hit those.
There she is, working the streets.
Go get her, Max.
Max.
Hey, how'd you get it to smell like onions? Oh, that's you.
Jerry, it needs more ventilation holes.
That's why we went with Swiss cheese.
Now, go get those customers.
Yeah-- Maxy, are you okay? Sorry, buddy.
Just get me up before the three-second rule kicks in.
Get your Bronx-Strami.
Central Pork Sandwich right here at the Sub Station.
Hey, it's working.
That's my boy.
Salads make you perky.
Sandwiches make you sleepy.
You know why people eat salad with a roll? Because it makes a sandwich in their stomachs.
You have to eat sandwiches with your hands.
Like savages.
Salads are un-American.
All right.
You won this lunch rush.
But if you're here tomorrow, you're gonna get it.
l am scared of lettuce.
lt's high in vitamins and fiber.
Headmaster Crumbs, l need your help.
What seems to be the problem? Dr.
Evilini's gonna drain the 12-ball champion's powers at Volcanoland.
And l think my brother may end up champion.
You have to do something.
l can't.
My hands are tied.
You don't believe me either? No, my hands are really tied.
l lost a bet with Evilini.
Professor Maloney and l got into a beard contest, of which l had no business being part of.
Don't you see? That bet was a setup.
Evilini has tied your hands so you can't do anything about it.
You may be onto something.
But l can't confront Evilini.
She'd only deny it.
lf you want to protect Justin, it's up to you.
Get him to back out of the tournament.
l already tried, but once l mentioned Volcanoland and the talking fish, he thought l was messing with him.
Sounds like you need some hard evidence to convince your brother.
l suggest you knuckle down and go to the library.
Sure, l'll go to the library.
Oh, really? - ls that the truth? - Sure.
Some are evil, some are kind But now all must speak their mind l hate libraries.
What am l saying? There's no way l'm going to a library.
What am l saying? l put a truth spell on you to see if you're really on your way to help Justin or if you're just going to slack off again.
l wanna help, but not at a boring library.
Well, then go someplace where it isn't boring.
Like Volcanoland.
How do l get to Volcanoland? l can't tell you that.
- Then why did you tell me to go there? - l didn't.
l would never say that.
l'm the headmaster.
l can't send a student off campus to Volcanoland.
- What? - You should never go to Volcanoland.
lt could be dangerous.
So just to be clear, you want me to go to Volcanoland? l didn't say that.
But you did say Volcanoland.
l will admit to that.
Nice.
What's happening? Justin's fallen behind.
Oh, good.
Maybe l don't have to go to Volcanoland.
The only way he can win now is if he hits the tattler.
- The tattler? - Yeah, it's an obscure rule.
lf you hit the tattler, it's an automatic win.
But the tattler isn't even in here, so there's no chance.
- Yeah.
- There she is.
What's she doing? She's tattling.
She's the tattler.
lt's obvious.
He did it.
He hit the tattler.
l won.
l'm going to the finals.
Well played, Russo.
lt's now down to you and Jerko.
We'll soon find out who's the most powerful young wizard.
Oh, sorry.
My cell phone.
Hello, Mummy? Okay, l've got to get to Volcanoland.
l guess it's just you, me and destiny.
No, Destiny Johnson lost in the third round.
No, destiny, as in it's my destiny to be a winner and your destiny to always live in my shadow.
Well, l'll see you in the finals, Jerk.
How am l gonna get to Volcanoland? l'd mail myself, but all the mail goes through Dr.
Evilini, and she's evil.
l work in the mailroom.
l could get around Evilini.
Are you saying you could mail me from the mailroom without Evilini knowing? l'm not saying that at all.
What is it with you people and your head nodding? Hey.
Excuse me.
l need some information about the volcano.
Fire away.
We're encouraged to use volcano terminology whenever we can.
ls it true the volcano can drain wizards of their powers? The majority of wizards enjoy the natural wonder of the park and take a lot of pictures that they'll bore their friends with when they get home.
What about the others? They use the volcano to drain wizards of their powers.
That's a separate entrance fee.
l have to prove this to my brother before it's too late.
Hey, could you come back to school with me? What for? You got something bubbling? See what l did there? You're a volcano official.
My brother always believes people in uniform.
lt's one of the many things about him that annoy me.
- Does it make you wanna erupt? - Okay, now you're pushing it.
- Does it block your flow? - Stop it.
- Does it make you wanna go molten? - Don't.
- Make you hot under the collar? - Okay, officially ignoring you.
- Alex, what are you doing? Who's she? - Hello.
l'm the lnformation Desk Lady from Volcanoland.
Go ahead, Justin.
Ask her a question.
Could l get one of those? - l like the fringe things on the shoulders.
- No.
A question about Volcanoland.
Just tell him.
At Volcanoland, more wizards have been drained of their powers than at all of the 77 Wonders of the Wizard World combined.
Wizards come from near and far to witness its awesome wizard-power-draining properties.
Okay, so you weren't messing with me about Volcanoland.
But that doesn't mean Evilini's taking me there to drain my powers.
Dr.
Evilini? Oh, she has a season pass to the draining section.
And she paid extra so there's no blackout dates.
l gotta quit the tournament.
While l'm here, would you like to buy an l Lava Volcanoland T-shirt? No, l don't wanna buy an l Lava Volcanoland T-shirt because l don't lava Volcanoland.
He didn't have to blow his top.
Okay, l've had enough.
You want me to go dormant? - Stop it.
- Okay.
Try a salad right around the corner.
Hey, lettucehead.
Keep moving.
l warned you about coming back here, shorty.
l don't wanna do this, but you've given me no choice.
lt's time for the salad to get a little meat in it.
Hey, Salad Bowl Girl.
Remember me? Well, let me help you out.
l'm the guy in the hot-dog suit.
You thought you ran me out of the biz with that furniture arrow.
But l'm not going anywhere.
Oh, look.
The rest of the combo meal is here.
l can't believe it.
l have always wanted to say this.
l just never imagined it being this great.
Food fight.
Fight.
Let me up.
You can't do this.
- Had enough? - Yes, l've had enough.
My lettuce was on the ground.
l'm a walking health-code violation.
- Thanks, guys.
- We got her.
We got Salad Bowl Girl.
Dr.
Evilini.
Alex told me about your evil plan.
- l'm not playing in the 12-ball final.
- Justin, Justin, Justin.
l don't have an evil plan.
Of course Alex doesn't want you to have the 12-ball championship belt.
That would make you a shoo-in to be the one in your family to keep your wizard powers.
There's a championship belt? Nice try, Evilini.
l'm onto you.
The Volcanoland lnformation Desk Lady told me.
She gave me a discount on my Volcanoland park pass.
l still hate her.
The point is, l wanna keep my powers.
So l'm done.
l quit.
- l'm out of here.
- You can't quit.
l need to know who's the most powerful young wizard.
Scrittipolitti Noquitti Okay.
l don't know what you just did to me, but l still qui-- l still qui-- You can't quit now.
- l put a no-quit spell on you.
- l qui-- l qui-- l wanna play.
Oh, no.
What am l saying? What am l doing? Give me my bidaddles.
l don't want them.
l'm gonna win.
No, you're not.
Guys, l have great news.
Justin's gonna quit the tournament.
Why would he quit? That's not good news.
l can explain, see-- Wizards, student wizards, visiting parents, goblins and ghouls, Larry, welcome to the Wiz Tech Our first competitor.
Well, what can l say? His name says it all.
Jerko Phoenix.
And a newcomer to the sport and serious threat, even though he doesn't look like it.
Justin Russo.
Hi, Mom.
Oh, look.
He's waving at us.
l don't wanna be here.
l love you too.
What is he doing here? l told him not to play.
You need to be more supportive of your brother.
l'm trying to save his powers from getting sucked down a volcano.
We really should get her into a creative-writing class.
- What are you doing? - Dr.
Evilini put a spell on me.
l can't qui-- First serve, Russo.
He's gotta lose.
Lose, Justin, lose.
Alex.
l didn't mean to do that.
Way to go, son.
Keep your eye on the balls.
Miss it.
Can someone please stop me? Oh, my gosh, they're up to 1 1 balls.
No one's ever gotten to 12 before.
The 12th ball.
Get it, Justin.
We have a winner.
l can't believe it.
My brother's a champion.
Congratulations, Justin Russo.
You are the best 12-ball player in the entire school.
What are you going to do now? l'm going to Volcanoland.
You certainly are.
That's it.
lt's over.
l've tried everything.
l just can't beat Evilini.
Justin's gonna lose his powers.
Who are you talking to, honey? Not now.
Here's an idea.
l am talking to myself.
Some are evil, some are kind But now all must speak their mind So it's Justin.
l'll take him to the volcano and drain his powers for myself.
Why am l saying this? Oh, no.
A truth spell.
They'll all hear my plan to become the most powerful wizard.
Stop talking.
Security.
l knew you could do it.
You went to great lengths to help your brother, and you brought Evilini down.
When you apply yourself, you can achieve a lot more than you think.
- l guess l can.
- Hey.
When you were at Volcanoland, did you happen to buy a T-shirt in my size? Yeah, they're gonna mail it to you.
Some are evil, some are ki-- Okay, maybe l didn't.
But next time, okay? Okay.
- Oh, Justin, honey, are you okay? - Yeah.
Thanks to Alex.
l can't believe my baby almost had his powers drained in a volcano.
We were very concerned.
You still get to keep the championship belt, though, right? Alex, l'm kind of glad you came to summer school with me after all.
Thanks for stopping Evilini from stealing my powers.
So from now on, you'll believe me? You know what? l will.
l think we've grown up a lot this summer.
Yeah, me too.
Oh, you got something on your shirt.
l'm not falling for it this time.
Yeah.
l saw that coming.
lsn't this the strangest thing you have ever seen? No, it's a dream come true.
Giant things eating what they are.
Come on, who hasn't had that dream? lf a giant claw comes out of the sky and grabs one of them, then l've had that dream.
That's weird.