Cheaters (2022) s01e15 Episode Script
Episode 15
HORN HONKS
How many people are coming?
I thought we were meant
to be keeping it small.
Well, it's just five of us.
But it feels like more of
an event this way.
And there's more room
for booze in the back.
So what, Georgia and Nina, and
Paul.
You asked Paul?
He's going to be your best man,
isn't he? Course I asked him.
He's coming all the way
from Glasgow? I dunno.
He said he'd be here, so presumably.
Aww!
Oh, there's Zack and Fola.
Oh, yeah no, I saw Zack earlier.
His dad died.
SHE WHISPERS: My God.
Yeah.
So, they probably want some space.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, my God, Zack.
So, I hear you guys are getting
married. Congrats.
Yeah. We're just off on
our sten do now.
Your? Stag and hen.
Oh. Nice.
We shouldwe should go.
God. I mean, fucking hell.
Can you imagine?
Like if my mum just
dropped dead like that,
I wouldn't be able to stand up.
Hey! Hi! Heya!
Oh, we are travelling
in style, damn!
Yeah. We're just waiting
on Paul now.
What, your old mate, Paul?
He's going to be Josh's best man,
he's coming down from Glasgow. Cool.
Esther, which Paul did you invite?
What do you mean?
Paul, my best mate? Or Paul,
the dipshit intern I work with?
I dunno. Whichever one's down
as "Paul" in your contacts.
What, you went through my phone?
Esther, don't do it!
I'm joking.
Look, if I got the wrong one,
then it's your fault for not
labelling your contacts
better, babe.
Congratulations on
the whole wedding shit!
Hey, Paul! Hey, mate. Yay. Yes!
Ace you could make it. Right.
Everyone climb aboard.
N
SHE CHUCKLES
All right.
Where you sitting, Josh?
Right, just find any seat.
I'll probably
No, you can sit there.
I can now reveal that,
for the great Josh and Esther
stag-hen party,
we are going to
THEY CHEER
..East India Dock Basin
Nature Reserve!
What's that? We're going where?
Josh, it's where you and me
first snogged.
Ohh! On the geography field trip.
Oh, no way!
I did geography for A-Level.
And it's where Josh
first got a finger in.
Ugh, Esther! Awesome.
So, how do you know Josh, Paul?
We work together.
Well, he works for me.
And he works for my dad.
Nono! That is not actually true.
THEY LAUGH
Hello. Settle down!
It's your own time you're wasting.
What?
Fuck! OK.
Sten do!
THEY CHEER
Come and sit on the sofa.
I need to do something.
I'm not in the mood to do nothing.
I've got an idea. Uh-huh?
Do you want to go
and get drunk with me?
Yeah
Yeah, I think I do.
Can't believe you're
getting married, man.
Like, no-one else I know is married.
Well, that's cos you're 20, Paul.
Still, man. It's big.
I've never been invited
to a wedding before.
You're not invited to the wedding.
Oh, he's only kidding!
Course you're invited.
HE LAUGHS
You joker! You're so funny. Yeah.
While it's just you and me,
there was something that I, erm,
I wanted to ask you about,
by the way.
Would you be my maid of honour?
Erm
Or chief bridesmaid, or whatever.
It would just make sense,
cos obviously, you're Josh's sister,
but we're mates in our own
right now, aren't we?
I don't see much of
the old school lot any more.
I mean, even if I did - not that
you're second choice or anything.
No, I
I'm very touched, Est.
I'd love to.
Well, you don't seem that excited.
I'm just surprised.
I thought you didn't
really want to get married.
Yeah, I didn't. Now I do.
OK. CoolCool.
Sten do!
LIGHT CHEERING
I really don't understand
how you do Geography here.
It's a nature reserve.
Where is the nature?
It's everywhere.
There'sthere's fish,
and there'sbirds.
It looks like somewhere Luther
would find a dead body.
Georgia told me. About Fola.
Oh, my God,
I specifically told her not to.
I can't believe you lied to me.
I can't believe you lied to Esther.
It's done. It's over. Yeah,
that's what you said last time.
And now you're happily full steam
ahead into married life
without a care You're always
telling me how I'm feeling,
never asking me how I'm feeling.
Have you told everyone
that needs to know?
Yeah.
Apparently I now owe a bookie
in Staten Island $3,000, so
SHE CHUCKLES
You should say something. About him.
It's a wake, isn't it?
Kind of.
You should do a eulogy. Yeah.
Up.
Up, up, up, up, up, up. Thank you.
There you go.
Come on.
So, Tim.
My dad.
He loved me in hisway.
And I guess a lot of people
can't say that about their dads.
And I loved him in my way.
Oh, I didn't like him.
No, he was an asshole.
I always wondered how I'd feel
when this day would come.
I guess I feel grateful.
And I feelfree.
So, here's to you, old man.
Safe travels.
Esther, I love you like a sister,
I really do.
And, just so you know,
if Nina and Josh get too much,
we could always fake our own deaths
and start a new life in Mexico!
THEY LAUGH
Cheers!
ALL: Cheers!
All right, Paul.
Everyone's done one except you.
No, Paul doesn't need to do one.
He only met you four hours ago.
I've got something to say.
Yes. Go on, Paul.
So, yeah, I don't really know
that many married people.
But I feel really honoured
to be invited to this,
and to the wedding,
and Josh is cool,
and Esther seems really cool.
It's made me think of marriage
in a different way.
Like, I never thought I wanted to do
it, but seeing you two together,
and how cool you are, like,
I know I want to be in a
relationship like that when I'm 40.
I'm 28.
You've been together for so long,
it sounds like,
but it doesn't seem like
you're bored of each other.
Like, you evolve and change.
You learn how to send each other
dick pics and stuff! Yes, Josh!
Josh has never sent me a dick pic.
Yeah, never sent Esther
a dick pic, Paul.
So, I don't know what
you're talking about.
Oh, yeahmaybe I was thinking
of someone else.
Yeah, I think you were.
What's he talking about?
Josh?
Give me your phone.
NERVOUS CHUCKLING
No.
Give me your phone.
Well, no, my battery's about to die.
Don't do this to her.
Well, what the fuck does that mean?
What the fuck is going on?
Josh? Are you cheating on me?
Esther, babe
Don't "babe" me,
you fucking arsehole. Esther
Don't say my name! Whoa, whoa!
HE SCREAMS
Oh, shit! Josh!
HE LAUGHS
Fucking hell!
How many people are coming?
I thought we were meant
to be keeping it small.
Well, it's just five of us.
But it feels like more of
an event this way.
And there's more room
for booze in the back.
So what, Georgia and Nina, and
Paul.
You asked Paul?
He's going to be your best man,
isn't he? Course I asked him.
He's coming all the way
from Glasgow? I dunno.
He said he'd be here, so presumably.
Aww!
Oh, there's Zack and Fola.
Oh, yeah no, I saw Zack earlier.
His dad died.
SHE WHISPERS: My God.
Yeah.
So, they probably want some space.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, my God, Zack.
So, I hear you guys are getting
married. Congrats.
Yeah. We're just off on
our sten do now.
Your? Stag and hen.
Oh. Nice.
We shouldwe should go.
God. I mean, fucking hell.
Can you imagine?
Like if my mum just
dropped dead like that,
I wouldn't be able to stand up.
Hey! Hi! Heya!
Oh, we are travelling
in style, damn!
Yeah. We're just waiting
on Paul now.
What, your old mate, Paul?
He's going to be Josh's best man,
he's coming down from Glasgow. Cool.
Esther, which Paul did you invite?
What do you mean?
Paul, my best mate? Or Paul,
the dipshit intern I work with?
I dunno. Whichever one's down
as "Paul" in your contacts.
What, you went through my phone?
Esther, don't do it!
I'm joking.
Look, if I got the wrong one,
then it's your fault for not
labelling your contacts
better, babe.
Congratulations on
the whole wedding shit!
Hey, Paul! Hey, mate. Yay. Yes!
Ace you could make it. Right.
Everyone climb aboard.
N
SHE CHUCKLES
All right.
Where you sitting, Josh?
Right, just find any seat.
I'll probably
No, you can sit there.
I can now reveal that,
for the great Josh and Esther
stag-hen party,
we are going to
THEY CHEER
..East India Dock Basin
Nature Reserve!
What's that? We're going where?
Josh, it's where you and me
first snogged.
Ohh! On the geography field trip.
Oh, no way!
I did geography for A-Level.
And it's where Josh
first got a finger in.
Ugh, Esther! Awesome.
So, how do you know Josh, Paul?
We work together.
Well, he works for me.
And he works for my dad.
Nono! That is not actually true.
THEY LAUGH
Hello. Settle down!
It's your own time you're wasting.
What?
Fuck! OK.
Sten do!
THEY CHEER
Come and sit on the sofa.
I need to do something.
I'm not in the mood to do nothing.
I've got an idea. Uh-huh?
Do you want to go
and get drunk with me?
Yeah
Yeah, I think I do.
Can't believe you're
getting married, man.
Like, no-one else I know is married.
Well, that's cos you're 20, Paul.
Still, man. It's big.
I've never been invited
to a wedding before.
You're not invited to the wedding.
Oh, he's only kidding!
Course you're invited.
HE LAUGHS
You joker! You're so funny. Yeah.
While it's just you and me,
there was something that I, erm,
I wanted to ask you about,
by the way.
Would you be my maid of honour?
Erm
Or chief bridesmaid, or whatever.
It would just make sense,
cos obviously, you're Josh's sister,
but we're mates in our own
right now, aren't we?
I don't see much of
the old school lot any more.
I mean, even if I did - not that
you're second choice or anything.
No, I
I'm very touched, Est.
I'd love to.
Well, you don't seem that excited.
I'm just surprised.
I thought you didn't
really want to get married.
Yeah, I didn't. Now I do.
OK. CoolCool.
Sten do!
LIGHT CHEERING
I really don't understand
how you do Geography here.
It's a nature reserve.
Where is the nature?
It's everywhere.
There'sthere's fish,
and there'sbirds.
It looks like somewhere Luther
would find a dead body.
Georgia told me. About Fola.
Oh, my God,
I specifically told her not to.
I can't believe you lied to me.
I can't believe you lied to Esther.
It's done. It's over. Yeah,
that's what you said last time.
And now you're happily full steam
ahead into married life
without a care You're always
telling me how I'm feeling,
never asking me how I'm feeling.
Have you told everyone
that needs to know?
Yeah.
Apparently I now owe a bookie
in Staten Island $3,000, so
SHE CHUCKLES
You should say something. About him.
It's a wake, isn't it?
Kind of.
You should do a eulogy. Yeah.
Up.
Up, up, up, up, up, up. Thank you.
There you go.
Come on.
So, Tim.
My dad.
He loved me in hisway.
And I guess a lot of people
can't say that about their dads.
And I loved him in my way.
Oh, I didn't like him.
No, he was an asshole.
I always wondered how I'd feel
when this day would come.
I guess I feel grateful.
And I feelfree.
So, here's to you, old man.
Safe travels.
Esther, I love you like a sister,
I really do.
And, just so you know,
if Nina and Josh get too much,
we could always fake our own deaths
and start a new life in Mexico!
THEY LAUGH
Cheers!
ALL: Cheers!
All right, Paul.
Everyone's done one except you.
No, Paul doesn't need to do one.
He only met you four hours ago.
I've got something to say.
Yes. Go on, Paul.
So, yeah, I don't really know
that many married people.
But I feel really honoured
to be invited to this,
and to the wedding,
and Josh is cool,
and Esther seems really cool.
It's made me think of marriage
in a different way.
Like, I never thought I wanted to do
it, but seeing you two together,
and how cool you are, like,
I know I want to be in a
relationship like that when I'm 40.
I'm 28.
You've been together for so long,
it sounds like,
but it doesn't seem like
you're bored of each other.
Like, you evolve and change.
You learn how to send each other
dick pics and stuff! Yes, Josh!
Josh has never sent me a dick pic.
Yeah, never sent Esther
a dick pic, Paul.
So, I don't know what
you're talking about.
Oh, yeahmaybe I was thinking
of someone else.
Yeah, I think you were.
What's he talking about?
Josh?
Give me your phone.
NERVOUS CHUCKLING
No.
Give me your phone.
Well, no, my battery's about to die.
Don't do this to her.
Well, what the fuck does that mean?
What the fuck is going on?
Josh? Are you cheating on me?
Esther, babe
Don't "babe" me,
you fucking arsehole. Esther
Don't say my name! Whoa, whoa!
HE SCREAMS
Oh, shit! Josh!
HE LAUGHS
Fucking hell!