Dog with a Blog (2012) s01e15 Episode Script

Hey, Avery, is that one of your friends? Really? You think this is one of my friends? Well, I was hoping not, but I'm trying to be less "Judgey.
" It's union general ambrose burnside.
I'm doing a report on the civil war, But I just can't focus.
I keep thinking about Dustin? How'd you know? Just a lucky guess.
I sit next to him in english.
He's asked to borrow my pencil four times.
That means something, right? Yeah.
He has no regard for pencils.
You're not helping, Stan.
I can't think about anything but Dustin Not even my schoolwork.
It's like he's living inside my head.
Oh! I sometimes feel that way about ear mites Which technically are living inside my head.
I've never felt this way before.
It's like suddenly there's something making me Feel warm and tingly inside, And its name is Bacon! Dustin.
Oh, I totally misjudged where you were going with that.
Come on, Stan.
You know, I feel weird saying this, But I really want Dustin to be my boyfriend.
How do I do that? You wait for breakfast and hope some falls on the floor.
That's what I do with bacon.
I'm serious.
Stan, you're the one I count on.
You always have the best advice.
Uh, I'd love to help you, But I've got to go play a game with Chloe.
Stan, wait, I just wanna-- Hey, sweetie, I thought you might like a snack while you study.
Wow! Uh that's interesting.
Is there anything you'd like to talk about? No.
Really? No.
Really? No.
Really? Yes.
Really? No.
This is Bennett James in traffic copter 6.
Oh, we've got a little backup on interstate 5, Headin' into-- hey, guess what! Thought those toys were for your patients.
I was just makin' sure they're safe.
This one is not.
You were, uh, saying? Yeah, yeah.
Huge news.
Avery's got her first crush.
She wrote his name all over her art wall, But when I asked her about him, she clammed up.
It's tough to talk to kids about this stuff.
It took me years to develop the skills To create a protected environment where kids Can feel safe.
Trust me-- I know how to get reticent kids to open up.
No.
Really? No.
Really? If your mom asks, you opened up and told me everything.
Really? No.
So Avery has her first crush.
I just got over a crazy crush on a french poodle a couple weeks ago.
I was so obsessed, I considered getting the same haircut.
I believe my castle has put your king in danger.
Yeah, in regular boring chess.
But in Chloe chess, Castles can't move without permission from the city.
Do you have permission from the city? No.
Luckily I do! Your turn.
Ha ha! There! I got one of your pawns.
That space has a booby trap on it.
Hey! Avery.
Is your Dustin here? Not yet, but he always rides his bike here after school.
Thank you so much for meeting me.
I really need help from someone who underStands boys.
Don't worry.
I will help make him your "Dustiny.
" I invented american-style joke! If his name was george, that would not have worked.
Ooh ooh! There he is! That's Dustin.
Which one? There.
Dustin pitt.
Avery thinks he's cute, But wouldn't he look better like this? Hey, Nikki, what's up? It's the opposite of down.
I love the american joke style! If you had said "How's it going?" That would not have worked.
You're hilarious, and so good looking.
It's like we're the same person.
So, uh, wanna hang out some time? Tyler, Nikki's helping me with something That's very important to me.
Not now.
Cool.
What can Nikki and I help you with? Let me talk to Nikki, and then you can meet her At the brogurt shop on whitman avenue.
She's heading there in a minute.
Sweet! See you.
But I am not getting "Brogurt" on whitman avenue.
And neither is he.
There's no brogurt shop on whitman avenue.
There's no whitman avenue And there's no such thing as brogurt! Hey, you're Avery, right? From mr.
Haworth's class? You know Tyler James? Uh, he is her brother.
No way! Tyler's an amazing rider.
He's, like, my idol.
Whaaa! Uh, Avery, weren't you and Tyler Going to hang out at your house tomorrow? Maybe Dustin could hang out, too.
Yeah, that'd be awesome.
Great.
Avery will see you then.
Yay! But wait-- I was so nervous and tongue-tied.
Did I just make a complete fool out of myself? I thought so, but he didn't seem to notice! There's no brogurt shop on whitman avenue.
There is no whitman avenue.
And there's no such thing as "Brogurt.
" I'm really sorry.
You should be.
I just rode 37 miles Screaming the word "Brogurt" At the top of my lungs.
You know what? I'll make it up to you.
I'll let you hang out with Dustin and me tomorrow.
There'll be brogurt.
Really? Stop that! I'm not hanging out with some 6th-grade dweeb.
Please, just hang out with Dustin and me when he comes over tomorrow.
He really looks up to you.
Give me one hour.
I'll do anything.
Fine, but you've got to make Nikki love me.
I'm small.
I'm not magical.
Okay, just find out what Nikki looks for in guys.
And don't tell me to meet her at some "Bonut" Shop on fake street.
Did I hear someone mention "Bonuts"? If it's half-bone, half-donut, I'll take a dozen liver-filled.
And if it isn't, it's just a cruel joke.
She won't talk to me.
I've been through her decoy diary, Her real diary, her computer.
I don't know why she won't trust me.
Honey, you're going overboard on this Dustin thing.
It's a schoolgirl crush.
Let's just give Avery some space on this.
She's my little baby, Bennett.
I don't care how many times she called me "That prying snoop" In her diary.
Forty-two.
It was very hurtful.
Honey, I'm sorry to be the lecturer here, But if you don't want your feelings hurt, You probably shouldn't be poking around In other people's private business.
You're right.
It's like when you were in the seventh grade And you snooped on those girls And you heard them call you "Chicken legs.
" You read my diary? Wild guess to make a point.
Hey, but you grew out of it, huh? Look at those big, meaty buffalo legs.
Not making it better, am I? Ever been kicked by a buffalo? Ha ha ha ha! All right, get out of this one! Chloe rule ten-- A giant arm from the sky has wiped out your pieces.
I win! This is the worst game ever.
I am done! Stan, come here, boy! On second thought, set 'em up.
But Avery just called you.
You haven't been spending much time with her lately.
Is everything okay? There's something going on, but it's not your problem.
Now, are we gonna play, or what? Too late.
You lose again.
While you were talking, I tied your king To the balloon of doom! Oh, uh, hey, mom.
I was wondering if I could have a friend over from school later.
Oh! A friend from school? Is it lindsay? No, she's out of town.
Sarah? Heather? Shondra? Laurie? Kimi? Rachel? Carla? Lupe? Xing xao rubinstein? No, it's actually Dustin.
Really? How nice.
She's confiding in me! She's sharing! What do I say? What do I say? What would xing xao rubinstein's mother say? So anything you need help with? Maybe I should talk to her.
Maybe she can help.
Ohh! Not the desperate help face.
Uh nah.
I don't think I need any help.
Oh, no.
She's shutting down.
She's doing the clamming-up face.
She hates me.
I'm repeating my relationship with my own mother.
Well You two have fun.
How am I supposed to have fun? What if he doesn't like me? Did my knees get bigger? Oh, I have really, really big knees! Why am I worrying? She seems fine, like she's done this before.
Maybe she's had other boyfriends.
Did I miss a diary? Anyway, if you want to chat, I'm always around.
Yeah, you should really get out more.
Oh, good.
You're here.
I am so nervous.
Dustin's coming over, And I'm really hoping that after we hang out today, He'll be my boyfriend, but I don't know what to do.
Is my hair all right? How much eye contact is too much? Is this too much? Is this too much? How 'bout this? Is that your breath or mine? Oh, I really hope it's yours.
You look great.
I gotta go-- Chloe chess.
Have a mint to be safe.
Wait, Stan, I need your help.
Oh, finally, you're here.
Dustin's on his way.
OH, right.
The 6th-grade dweeb.
Do I really have to do this? If you want me to help you with Nikki.
One hour.
We had a deal.
All right, all right.
That's Dustin! Let him in before he leaves! Hey, Nikki.
Tyler, I waited for you at the brogurt shop.
Where were you? I know you're teasing me.
Are you sure? No.
I came to see if you need help Because your Dustin is coming over.
Thank goodness.
I am so nervous.
Nikki, what's your secret? My brother didn't fall, he was pushed.
I meant for attracting boys.
Oh.
Forget that other thing.
We'll get the door, You keep him waiting for a few seconds, And then make a big entrance.
Good idea.
Oh, I'm so nervous! You're Tyler James! My friends and me, we watch you ride all the time.
You are awesome! Thanks.
I have no idea who you are.
That is so cool! Avery, come on.
I think you should hang out with her.
Okay.
Oh! Is that you, Dustin? Hi.
Well! That was weird.
There she is! Are you all right? Oh, yeah.
I always come down the stairs like that.
It was hilarious.
And you didn't, like, you know, cry or anything.
No.
Want to real bad, But, uh, no.
Dustin, sit on the couch.
Whatever you say, Tyler.
Well, I'd better go.
I'll be back later to find out how it went.
Ow! Ow! Ow! Bye, Tyler.
Uh, I hope it's okay that I tease you like that.
It's just so much fun.
Did you hear that? She loves when we flirt with each other! No, I didn't hear that.
I ought to go hang out with her, okay? Tell me what she likes in guys.
Um, no.
The deal was, you hang out here with me and Dustin.
I did.
For an hour.
You're breaking the deal.
I don't care.
You give me the information about Nikki, Or I tell Dustin you're a loser.
He'll believe anything I say.
Okay.
Fine.
Nikki like's guys who remind her of her grandfather.
She sent me a picture of him.
Here he is.
I'll send it to you so you don't forget.
This is gonna be so useful! Wha--? Where'd Tyler go? Oh, uh, he left, but he wants you to stay.
Oh, okay.
So, do you want some popcorn? Popcorn! Drinks! Avery's mom.
I've heard so little about you.
No tattoos.
No piercings.
Well-groomed.
Okay! So I guess I'll see you around.
Yeah, see you at school.
Thank your mom for all of that popcorn.
Yeah, okay.
So? How did it go? I have no idea.
What do you do when you're with a boy and it ends And you don't know how it went or how he feels Or where you Stand? I have no idea.
So, what do you mean you don't know how it went with Dustin? What happened? All kinds of things.
I just don't know what they mean.
We watched a movie, and at a funny part, He laughed and punched me in the arm.
What does that mean? Was it an excuse to touch me? Was he treating me like a buddy? Was he trying to distract me from a fart? Then we watched the movie for a long time Where nothing really happened, So we'll just skip over that part.
Then I yawned, and he didn't.
You were bored? No, but I happen to know of a university of pisa study Showing that yawning is contagious among people Who have an emotional connection.
I wanted to see if he feels an emotional connection.
He feels no emotional connection! Now all this talk about connecting with yawning Is making me want to yawn.
Awww! Well, then he left.
You know, I was hoping that after today he'd be my boyfriend, But now I don't even know what we are.
What does that mean? I think we're getting a cold.
Awww! Hello! Tyler, you look ridiculous! What is that? What, I don't look like your grandfather? No, and why would you want to? He was four-foot-nine with t.
Rex arms And ears the size of tambourines.
Avery told me you like guys who remind you of your grandfather.
She showed me this picture.
That's ambrose burnside, The union general from Avery's report.
I think she was messing with you.
I was just trying this on to see if you'd like it.
Good think I didn't spend the rest of my life growing one! Ow.
Ow! It's stuck! I used this glue so it wouldn't fall off.
You used that?! That never comes off.
Why doesn't it say that on the bottle? It does.
What's the antidote? More education? Hey, dad.
Son.
That's weird.
He's not mentioning the crazy facial hair.
I wonder what's up with the crazy facial hair.
Something tells me I don't wanna know.
So, Tyler, do you know how it went with Avery and her friend? No, I really don't.
He's so concerned about Avery That he doesn't care I've got this monkey butt glued to my face! Has he had that a long time and I just didn't notice? Oh, hey, Stan.
Oh, you're back! Wow! Look at the time.
Gotta get goin'.
Stan, stop.
Gotta go play some Chloe chess.
I just can't get that monkey off my back.
Unfortunately, that's one of her new rules-- She makes me wear a monkey on my back.
What's going on? Why won't you talk to me? I dotalk to you.
I'm talking now, And that's pretty impressive for a dog.
What do you want, opera? You're avoiding me.
Stan, I just-- Gotta go.
Ciao.
Sit.
Stay.
Oh, you did not just put me in a sit-stay.
Well, you left me no choice.
You've been avoiding me, and I want to know why.
I've been dealing with so much, And no one's been able to help me.
You're my best friend, Stan.
I need you.
Fine.
Yes, I'm avoiding you, But it's not because I don't care.
It's because I do care.
What? Look, I love helping you.
I wantto help you.
But I've been avoiding you because I'm afraid of letting you down.
Stan, you never let me down.
Yeah, but this is different.
I don't underStand human relationships, With all the guessing and the worrying and the yawning?! I mean, dogs, we-- We don't sit around wondering if another dog likes us.
We keep it simple.
We go for it.
I'm sorry, Avery.
I don't know what to tell you.
Yes, Stan.
As usual, you do.
Really? I'm so happy! Hey, Avery.
You wanted to meet me before school? Oh, yeah.
I had a great time yesterday.
Yeah.
It was a good movie, And it was hilarious when you feel down the stairs! So what do you want to talk about? Uh, here's the thing.
Oh, this is way harder than I thought.
How do I tell him I like him? I'm so nervous, my giant knees are shaking.
No, Stan is right.
Keep it simple and go for it.
Dustin, I like you, and-- cool.
I like you too.
You wanna be my girlfriend? Yeah, and I, uh, I wanted to say that-- Wait, what? I like you.
You're awesome.
You wanna be my girlfriend? Uh yes.
Yes, I do.
Cool.
Yes! Avery jennings is my girlfriend! See you at school.
I have a boyfriend.
Be cool.
I'm cool.
I'm always cool.
If he hurts my little girl, I'm gonna twist him into a pretzel.
Oh, a pretzel would be great right now! It was great to help my best friend Figure out the rules of love.
Speaking of love, I started thinking about that poodle As I was flipping through Avery's history book.
Abraham lincoln.
Julius caesar.
Sacagawea.
Secretariat.
Yep, everybody looks better with a poodle-do.
Oh, hey, Nikki, what's up? You still can't get that off? No, so I decided to put on this uniform And pretend it was all part of a school project.
That's very smart.
Really? You think so? Well, for a boy who thought my grandfather was a civil war general And permanently glued hair to his face, Anything is smart.
Thank you.
The weird thing is, it's kind of caught on What some of the younger kids who look up to me.
Hey, Tyler.
I win! I win! Boop! I win! Hey, that's Chloe chess.
I didn't make the rules.
Yes, I did.