Doogie Howser, M.D. (1989) s01e15 Episode Script
Attack of the Green-Eyed Monster
Sometimes I know exactly what you're going to say.
The other times The other times, you're just a stinker.
Why did you do that? I've been wondering whether I'd like it.
What's the decision? I don't know yet.
It's even better when you help.
Sure you won't change your mind about this? Uh-huh.
This belongs to me.
So do my lips.
I don't see any difference.
I do.
O.
K.
You don't have to act with me, Steve.
You don't have to say or do anything.
Not a thing.
Oh, maybe just whistle.
You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? You just put your lips together and blow.
[Wolf whistle.]
I don't see what the fascination is with bogart.
He's no Mel Gibson.
[Imitating bogart.]
It was his attitude.
He was tough with a heart of gold.
Women loved him.
He didn't seem to care, like he was too cool to show it.
The more he acted like he didn't care, the more dames fell at his feet.
Dames, Vinnie? Yeah, Lauren bacall was a dame.
Susie berlutti is a dame.
If I hear the word susie or berlutti from you once more Why, Janine, I never knew you cared.
Doogie? Krista? I can't believe it's you.
I can't believe it's you, either.
Look how tall you've got.
You look great.
Thanks.
How's your knee? Physical therapy was tough, but I've got full movement back.
You did a wonderful job, doctor.
You can't see the scar.
That's terrific.
It sure is.
I'm a freshman at ucla, and we're always having sorority parties.
Would you like to come? Are you still at the hospital? Yeah.
Great.
I'll give you a call, or you can always give me a whistle.
You know how to whistle, don't you? You just put your lips together and blow.
What? Want to talk about it? No.
How can women make such a big deal out of nothing? I tried to be polite.
The next thing i know, Wanda's hysterical.
She was just an old patient.
Is not introducing someone grounds for not speaking to them all evening? Doogie, I'd like to help you, but I've no idea what you're talking about.
Oh, sorry.
All right.
The movie had just ended, we're all coming out of the theater.
It was totally innocent.
Dr.
howser? Oh, hi, miss Miss Benson.
It's a pleasure seeing you again, doctor.
And, the next thing i know, Wanda's giving me the silent treatment.
It sounds tame to me.
You felt no attraction to this girl? Hardly any.
You know, doogie, we all get flirted with now and then.
It makes us feel good about ourselves.
Attractive.
It's a perfectly natural reaction.
What? I'll tell you a little secret I haven't even told your father.
We were at a party new year's Eve, and your father was off talking with some friends, when one of his colleagues made a pass at me.
You're kidding me.
I didn't encourage it, but at the same time, i didn't discourage it.
[Chuckles.]
And of course, nothing happened.
I was flattered.
It was kind of Exciting.
You may have reacted the same way.
That's what Wanda picked up on.
Alan Wallace.
Am I right? It was Alan Wallace.
No, David, it wasn't Alan Wallace.
Mark Schwartz.
Wrong.
Steve Goodman.
Steven Goodman.
The man's a chiropractor, for god's sakes.
Don't make a big deal out of this.
You kept it a secret.
This is exactly why i didn't say anything.
I knew you'd overreact.
Overreact? Well, excuse me if I'm a tad upset.
You're pawed at a party, and I'm not told.
That is not what happened.
Gee, look at the time.
I i got to go.
David, the man made a pass at me, and, yes, I was flattered.
Maybe it wouldn't have meant anything if you'd show even a passing interest in me.
Do you know i spent two weeks looking for the perfect dress for that evening? Total strangers said i looked fantastic, yet my own husband never said a word.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Don't try making this my fault.
I won't let you.
This isn't a question of fault.
It's about feeling appreciated.
Well, that's nonsense.
You know you're appreciated.
Do I? How many times since we've been married has a woman made a pass at you? Oh, Katherine, please.
You're a handsome doctor.
You can't say a patient never came on to you.
What's your point, Katherine? My point is that unlike me, you get validated.
Women let you know you're sexy and attractive, and when they say it, you feel it.
So when someone flirts with me at a party and tells me I'm attractive, i feel special.
Something i rarely feel around here anymore.
Katherine, come back here.
Katherine.
Wanda, I think Wanda.
Hello.
Wanda, this is crazy.
Wanda, can't we talk? Good morning.
Morning, doogie.
Morning.
You've got it wrong.
I don't care about krista.
Who's krista? Doogie, I'm not blind.
And I may not be as smart as you, but I saw what happened.
Doogie Krista I dreamt about seeing you again, doogie monster.
Your tongue was practically hanging on the ground.
Drive, jeanine.
No, I'm not letting you go, Wanda.
Move! No! You are being ridiculous.
Fine.
I'm not moving until you talk to me.
Remember how rotten you felt when I told you I went out with Brian Johnson? That was different.
You tried to make me jealous.
It's not that different.
You really hurt my feelings.
Well, I didn't mean to.
Do you forgive me? - We're gonna be late! - Again! I know.
Wanda, no woman can take your place.
No matter how pretty she is.
No matter how pretty who is? Hmm? I believe you just said miss ucla is prettier than me.
That's not what I said.
That's exactly what you said! If that's how you feel, go to her stupid sorority parties.
Wanda, what Hit it, jeanine.
If he lies down again, run over him.
Bye, Dr.
howser! Bye, Dr.
howser! Ha ha ha! "Oh, beware, my lord, of jealousy.
"It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on.
" Um, double major.
Psychology and literature.
I, uh, couldn't spell, so here I am.
One minute Wanda and I are crazy about each other, and the next she's slamming the car door in my face.
I don't have to tell you jealousy's a very powerful emotion.
It can make us feel horribly vulnerable, out of control.
We experience strong biological reactions.
Adrenaline is pumped into our blood.
Our breathing becomes rapid.
Our muscles contract.
Our girlfriends become totally irrational.
Well, othello did kill desdemona in a jealous rage.
But Wanda's irrationality may be her inability to put into words how she's really feeling The fear that she's losing someone she cares about.
She's not losing me.
When I tried telling her, she got angrier.
Anger is only her way of attempting to regain control of the situation.
Just remember, Dr.
howser, communicating honesty about one's feelings is jealousy's greatest foe.
Dr.
Gordon, you're wanted in O.
R.
3.
Dr.
Gordon, O.
R.
3.
This is kind of ridiculous, don't you think? Well, it is.
What I think might be a good idea is for you two to talk.
Be honest about what you're really feeling.
Just let it all out.
O.
K.
? So, who's going to go first? Dad? Mind your own damn business.
Don't talk to my son like that.
Your son? I had no part of it? Nothing to write home about.
Save your razor wit for someone who might appreciate it, like perhaps your friend the chiropractor.
Oh, David, please.
You're acting like a child.
I'm the child? Well, excuse me, miss i-need-fireworks all-the-time.
Not all the time, just not every You should try warming up before June.
The man's a chiropractor, for god's sakes.
You know how to whistle You just put your lips together and blow.
Othello did kill desdemona in a jealous rage.
If he lies down again, run him over.
You think your wife's making time with another Joe? I'm sure of it.
I found this in her handbag.
"Steven Goodman, chiropractor.
" Maybe she's got a bad back.
You got any pictures of your wife? What a dame.
I wouldn't mind giving her an adjustment.
I think we can help.
We'll be in touch.
I'll get right on it.
Doogie.
What can I do for you, doll? I think someone's following me.
A short Italian guy? Yeah.
I wouldn't worry about it.
Drink? Go easy on that stuff, doll.
Now, what are you doing here? I came to tell you something.
It's It's Sorority rush week.
I knew it, you lousy two-timer.
You got it all wrong, slim.
It's not what you think.
[Body thuds.]
Listen to reason.
Sorry, doctor, looks like you're taking the fall.
How's Wanda and the green-eyed monster? Not great.
Your folks They still jousting? Battling to the death.
Mom was really upset this morning.
Douglas, keep in mind that jealousy can be kind of a hedge against complacency in a long relationship.
A form of love insurance.
Remember, where there's jealousy, there's passion.
"Give me the man that is not passion's slave, and I will wear him in my heart of hearts as I do thee.
" Shakespeare.
Damn, that guy was good.
Mom? Mom? Are you home? Mom, are you [david.]
Douglas! Sorry.
Mom, I am really Don't apologize.
It was an honest mistake.
We should've locked the door.
How could I have missed the flowers? I don't get it.
You weren't even speaking to each other last night.
Your father came home this afternoon, and we talked, really talked, and for the first time, we both understood one another.
I saw how afraid he was about the prospect of getting older and losing me to a younger man.
In a strange way, his crazy jealousy made me realize how important i still was to him.
To be honest with you, it made me feel Terrific.
Sometimes just that little spark can do wonders for a relationship.
Yes, it can.
Doogie.
Dad.
Uh Katherine.
Doogie Why don't you Run out and play? Wanda plenn, this is your boyfriend.
I know you're in there.
I want you to know how important you are.
So, Vinnie Now.
[Rock music plays.]
Wild thing you make my heart sing you make everything groovy wild thing wild thing, i think I love you O.
K.
, doogie.
But I wanna know for sure That's enough.
Come on, hold me tight I love you What's he doing? That's enough! Please! [Music stops.]
Are you crazy? I'm totally insane.
You can have me committed.
I'd do anything for you.
Are you still mad at me? I was never really mad.
I was just worried.
About what? Doogie, you lead a much more grown-up life than I do.
You're always around adults.
Sometimes I'm afraid I'm going to lose you to an older woman.
Wanda, I don't want an older woman.
I want you.
Aw, doogie.
I feel great when I'm with you.
I feel great when I just think about you.
You're my little Wanda bear.
And you're my little doogie bear.
Come here.
Come here.
Doogie.
Doogie! [Microphone feedback.]
What was that? Hello.
Hello.
Oh, god.
Vinnie.
Vinnie.
Vinnie! Promise.
Say it.
I promise never to repeat to another human being that you call her your little Wanda bear.
Boys, it's late.
Good night, Vinnie.
Good night, Mrs.
h.
I still can't believe you actually walked in on them.
One question Were they under or on top of the sheets? Vinnie! You're going out that window, or you're going out that window.
Good night, my little doogie bear.
The other times The other times, you're just a stinker.
Why did you do that? I've been wondering whether I'd like it.
What's the decision? I don't know yet.
It's even better when you help.
Sure you won't change your mind about this? Uh-huh.
This belongs to me.
So do my lips.
I don't see any difference.
I do.
O.
K.
You don't have to act with me, Steve.
You don't have to say or do anything.
Not a thing.
Oh, maybe just whistle.
You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? You just put your lips together and blow.
[Wolf whistle.]
I don't see what the fascination is with bogart.
He's no Mel Gibson.
[Imitating bogart.]
It was his attitude.
He was tough with a heart of gold.
Women loved him.
He didn't seem to care, like he was too cool to show it.
The more he acted like he didn't care, the more dames fell at his feet.
Dames, Vinnie? Yeah, Lauren bacall was a dame.
Susie berlutti is a dame.
If I hear the word susie or berlutti from you once more Why, Janine, I never knew you cared.
Doogie? Krista? I can't believe it's you.
I can't believe it's you, either.
Look how tall you've got.
You look great.
Thanks.
How's your knee? Physical therapy was tough, but I've got full movement back.
You did a wonderful job, doctor.
You can't see the scar.
That's terrific.
It sure is.
I'm a freshman at ucla, and we're always having sorority parties.
Would you like to come? Are you still at the hospital? Yeah.
Great.
I'll give you a call, or you can always give me a whistle.
You know how to whistle, don't you? You just put your lips together and blow.
What? Want to talk about it? No.
How can women make such a big deal out of nothing? I tried to be polite.
The next thing i know, Wanda's hysterical.
She was just an old patient.
Is not introducing someone grounds for not speaking to them all evening? Doogie, I'd like to help you, but I've no idea what you're talking about.
Oh, sorry.
All right.
The movie had just ended, we're all coming out of the theater.
It was totally innocent.
Dr.
howser? Oh, hi, miss Miss Benson.
It's a pleasure seeing you again, doctor.
And, the next thing i know, Wanda's giving me the silent treatment.
It sounds tame to me.
You felt no attraction to this girl? Hardly any.
You know, doogie, we all get flirted with now and then.
It makes us feel good about ourselves.
Attractive.
It's a perfectly natural reaction.
What? I'll tell you a little secret I haven't even told your father.
We were at a party new year's Eve, and your father was off talking with some friends, when one of his colleagues made a pass at me.
You're kidding me.
I didn't encourage it, but at the same time, i didn't discourage it.
[Chuckles.]
And of course, nothing happened.
I was flattered.
It was kind of Exciting.
You may have reacted the same way.
That's what Wanda picked up on.
Alan Wallace.
Am I right? It was Alan Wallace.
No, David, it wasn't Alan Wallace.
Mark Schwartz.
Wrong.
Steve Goodman.
Steven Goodman.
The man's a chiropractor, for god's sakes.
Don't make a big deal out of this.
You kept it a secret.
This is exactly why i didn't say anything.
I knew you'd overreact.
Overreact? Well, excuse me if I'm a tad upset.
You're pawed at a party, and I'm not told.
That is not what happened.
Gee, look at the time.
I i got to go.
David, the man made a pass at me, and, yes, I was flattered.
Maybe it wouldn't have meant anything if you'd show even a passing interest in me.
Do you know i spent two weeks looking for the perfect dress for that evening? Total strangers said i looked fantastic, yet my own husband never said a word.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Don't try making this my fault.
I won't let you.
This isn't a question of fault.
It's about feeling appreciated.
Well, that's nonsense.
You know you're appreciated.
Do I? How many times since we've been married has a woman made a pass at you? Oh, Katherine, please.
You're a handsome doctor.
You can't say a patient never came on to you.
What's your point, Katherine? My point is that unlike me, you get validated.
Women let you know you're sexy and attractive, and when they say it, you feel it.
So when someone flirts with me at a party and tells me I'm attractive, i feel special.
Something i rarely feel around here anymore.
Katherine, come back here.
Katherine.
Wanda, I think Wanda.
Hello.
Wanda, this is crazy.
Wanda, can't we talk? Good morning.
Morning, doogie.
Morning.
You've got it wrong.
I don't care about krista.
Who's krista? Doogie, I'm not blind.
And I may not be as smart as you, but I saw what happened.
Doogie Krista I dreamt about seeing you again, doogie monster.
Your tongue was practically hanging on the ground.
Drive, jeanine.
No, I'm not letting you go, Wanda.
Move! No! You are being ridiculous.
Fine.
I'm not moving until you talk to me.
Remember how rotten you felt when I told you I went out with Brian Johnson? That was different.
You tried to make me jealous.
It's not that different.
You really hurt my feelings.
Well, I didn't mean to.
Do you forgive me? - We're gonna be late! - Again! I know.
Wanda, no woman can take your place.
No matter how pretty she is.
No matter how pretty who is? Hmm? I believe you just said miss ucla is prettier than me.
That's not what I said.
That's exactly what you said! If that's how you feel, go to her stupid sorority parties.
Wanda, what Hit it, jeanine.
If he lies down again, run over him.
Bye, Dr.
howser! Bye, Dr.
howser! Ha ha ha! "Oh, beware, my lord, of jealousy.
"It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on.
" Um, double major.
Psychology and literature.
I, uh, couldn't spell, so here I am.
One minute Wanda and I are crazy about each other, and the next she's slamming the car door in my face.
I don't have to tell you jealousy's a very powerful emotion.
It can make us feel horribly vulnerable, out of control.
We experience strong biological reactions.
Adrenaline is pumped into our blood.
Our breathing becomes rapid.
Our muscles contract.
Our girlfriends become totally irrational.
Well, othello did kill desdemona in a jealous rage.
But Wanda's irrationality may be her inability to put into words how she's really feeling The fear that she's losing someone she cares about.
She's not losing me.
When I tried telling her, she got angrier.
Anger is only her way of attempting to regain control of the situation.
Just remember, Dr.
howser, communicating honesty about one's feelings is jealousy's greatest foe.
Dr.
Gordon, you're wanted in O.
R.
3.
Dr.
Gordon, O.
R.
3.
This is kind of ridiculous, don't you think? Well, it is.
What I think might be a good idea is for you two to talk.
Be honest about what you're really feeling.
Just let it all out.
O.
K.
? So, who's going to go first? Dad? Mind your own damn business.
Don't talk to my son like that.
Your son? I had no part of it? Nothing to write home about.
Save your razor wit for someone who might appreciate it, like perhaps your friend the chiropractor.
Oh, David, please.
You're acting like a child.
I'm the child? Well, excuse me, miss i-need-fireworks all-the-time.
Not all the time, just not every You should try warming up before June.
The man's a chiropractor, for god's sakes.
You know how to whistle You just put your lips together and blow.
Othello did kill desdemona in a jealous rage.
If he lies down again, run him over.
You think your wife's making time with another Joe? I'm sure of it.
I found this in her handbag.
"Steven Goodman, chiropractor.
" Maybe she's got a bad back.
You got any pictures of your wife? What a dame.
I wouldn't mind giving her an adjustment.
I think we can help.
We'll be in touch.
I'll get right on it.
Doogie.
What can I do for you, doll? I think someone's following me.
A short Italian guy? Yeah.
I wouldn't worry about it.
Drink? Go easy on that stuff, doll.
Now, what are you doing here? I came to tell you something.
It's It's Sorority rush week.
I knew it, you lousy two-timer.
You got it all wrong, slim.
It's not what you think.
[Body thuds.]
Listen to reason.
Sorry, doctor, looks like you're taking the fall.
How's Wanda and the green-eyed monster? Not great.
Your folks They still jousting? Battling to the death.
Mom was really upset this morning.
Douglas, keep in mind that jealousy can be kind of a hedge against complacency in a long relationship.
A form of love insurance.
Remember, where there's jealousy, there's passion.
"Give me the man that is not passion's slave, and I will wear him in my heart of hearts as I do thee.
" Shakespeare.
Damn, that guy was good.
Mom? Mom? Are you home? Mom, are you [david.]
Douglas! Sorry.
Mom, I am really Don't apologize.
It was an honest mistake.
We should've locked the door.
How could I have missed the flowers? I don't get it.
You weren't even speaking to each other last night.
Your father came home this afternoon, and we talked, really talked, and for the first time, we both understood one another.
I saw how afraid he was about the prospect of getting older and losing me to a younger man.
In a strange way, his crazy jealousy made me realize how important i still was to him.
To be honest with you, it made me feel Terrific.
Sometimes just that little spark can do wonders for a relationship.
Yes, it can.
Doogie.
Dad.
Uh Katherine.
Doogie Why don't you Run out and play? Wanda plenn, this is your boyfriend.
I know you're in there.
I want you to know how important you are.
So, Vinnie Now.
[Rock music plays.]
Wild thing you make my heart sing you make everything groovy wild thing wild thing, i think I love you O.
K.
, doogie.
But I wanna know for sure That's enough.
Come on, hold me tight I love you What's he doing? That's enough! Please! [Music stops.]
Are you crazy? I'm totally insane.
You can have me committed.
I'd do anything for you.
Are you still mad at me? I was never really mad.
I was just worried.
About what? Doogie, you lead a much more grown-up life than I do.
You're always around adults.
Sometimes I'm afraid I'm going to lose you to an older woman.
Wanda, I don't want an older woman.
I want you.
Aw, doogie.
I feel great when I'm with you.
I feel great when I just think about you.
You're my little Wanda bear.
And you're my little doogie bear.
Come here.
Come here.
Doogie.
Doogie! [Microphone feedback.]
What was that? Hello.
Hello.
Oh, god.
Vinnie.
Vinnie.
Vinnie! Promise.
Say it.
I promise never to repeat to another human being that you call her your little Wanda bear.
Boys, it's late.
Good night, Vinnie.
Good night, Mrs.
h.
I still can't believe you actually walked in on them.
One question Were they under or on top of the sheets? Vinnie! You're going out that window, or you're going out that window.
Good night, my little doogie bear.