Ghosts (2021) s01e15 Episode Script

1 Ooh, what a spread.
Eggs, meats, cheese, pâtisserie.
What is this, breakfast for one at Ben Franklin's house? Oh, well, we just wanted to surprise you guys.
Please tell Sass that I looked up the traditional Lenape recipe for corn bread, okay? Mmm, just like kohèsa used to make.
That means "mom.
" And now I miss my mom.
Cool.
Oh, my God.
The 1998 Women of Wall Street Swimsuit Calendar.
But when I said I wanted it, you called me a "big-time perv.
" Yeah, but then I thought about it, and hey, it's not that misogynistic that they asked a bunch of MBAs to wear bikinis for a photo shoot.
So, yay, enjoy smelling breakfast.
Oh, you guys, this is so nice.
I don't know.
This whole breakfast reminds me of when my parents took me to Toys "R" Us right before they told me they were getting a divorce.
Oh, my God.
Sam and Jay are getting a divorce.
Guys, no.
Geez, we are not getting a divorce.
That said, we did want to talk to you, because since we're four weeks away from opening the B&B, we need to start getting the bedrooms ready.
Bedroom Which bedrooms? Our bedrooms? Well, four of them.
So we're gonna need you guys to bunk up.
Unless you want to be walked through by painters and handymen and, God willing, guests.
Well, now those waffles smell like deception.
Mmm.
And vanilla.
Nice touch.
Okay, so big congratulations to Alberta and Flower for agreeing to be our first roommate pair.
I haven't had roommates since the cult.
We were like sisters.
Well, technically, sister-wives, because of the sex.
Well, now there's an uneven number of men and women, so I guess I'm on my own.
Sorry, Hetty, there's no room for that.
Why don't you just bunk with Isaac? Why would that be okay? Because, well, you guys are old-timey and stuff.
It's true, we are of a similar elevated status and share a mutual appreciation of the finer things.
Well, I suppose if we must cohabitate, I could do much worse than the lady of the house.
Of course, as man and woman, we will have to resist our natural impulses, but I think we're up to the task.
The Victorian age had themselves some blind spots.
Okay, time to discuss elephant in room.
Who get Thor? Everyone want but only one can have.
Totally.
Right, yeah.
I sort of assumed that Sasappis would just move in with you.
And I'll be the first to say that I do want that, very badly.
You know, I mean, who-who doesn't want to room with Thor? You know, he's got the biggest room, and more importantly, that TV.
I call it.
I'm rooming with Thor.
- Darn it.
- And Thor taken.
Too slow, Sass.
Yeah, suck it, Sass.
So sad for me.
I take Pete.
Wow.
I mean, I am the last one left, but color me flattered.
And you will have nothing short of a five-star experience in Casa Pete.
I'll even let you choose where you'd like to sleep, the bed or the floor.
- Bed.
- Great choice.
I'm just saying, the Stamp Act wasn't so bad.
You Revolutionaries were so dramatic.
Well, I'll give you this, Nigel, if Patrick Henry trotted out that "Give me liberty or give me death" line one more time, I would have puked.
It's like, "We're at a party, Pat.
Relax.
" Well, this is my stop.
Same time tomorrow? Um There was one thing.
- Oh.
- Uh You know I've enjoyed our daily walks, and I've been considering your new lodging requirements, and I thought that, should you find it more amenable, you would be more than welcome to spend your nights in the shed.
- With me.
- Um, where, precisely, would I be sleeping? Well, my cot, while flimsy, can support two persons of technical weightlessness.
You are too kind, and, um but I should think that, uh, one cot would be quite crowded for two people.
And, um, I'm a roller.
I keep rolling.
I roll a lot, actually.
Sometimes clear off the bed, and, um You know what? Sam! Hey, you know the rules.
No ghosts in our bedroom.
We got a problem.
No, no, no.
No.
Thor's fault.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, see, he's been doing this, like, an hour.
I can't sleep like this.
- Have you tried waking him up? - I'm not gonna do that.
He could split me in two with his axe.
I would pop back together, but it's not pleasant.
Thor.
- Thorfinn.
- Careful.
- Ah, torture.
- Thor.
Thor, Thor.
It-it's me and Trevor.
No, just You were having a nightmare.
How do you know that? Can you see in Thor's mind? What sort of dark magic is this? Uh, no, we know because you're going psycho in your sleep.
W-what are you dreaming about? That none of Trevor's business.
How do you know Thor even dreaming? Maybe you're asleep and this is dream you're having.
Okay, well, it seems like the dream is over and I guess he's fine.
So we should all just get some shut-eye.
Yeah, I guess he seems better.
Die! Brains! Oy vey.
I know I'm already dead, but kill me.
Oh, the night didn't get any better? - Trevor just came in.
- Hey, No Pants.
Good morning.
Man, that coffee smells delicious.
Sass just came in, super chipper.
Wait a minute.
You never wanted to room with Thor in the first place, did you? You tricked me.
You tricked me.
- You knew about the nightmares.
- Okay, yes.
After I died, the two of us shared a wigwam.
It was torture.
Hold on, you're telling me that Thor has been having the same night terrors for 500 years? - At least.
- And he won't talk about them? The dude needs help.
Seriously, we got to get that Viking - to a therapist.
- Can you imagine? Trevor just joked that Thor needs therapy.
That's actually a great idea.
- What? - Look, if this guy has been suffering from night terrors for half a millennium, that's some pretty serious trauma.
Okay, but he's a ghost.
He can't talk to a therapist.
Right, but you could.
And then you could just have Thor sitting there with you, and you could pass off his problems as your own.
Thor can't leave the property, Jay.
Good point.
So we have a therapist make a house call, because you can't leave the house because you're agoraphobic.
That's not bad.
- This is crazy.
- Please, I can't take it anymore.
I-I You got to help me.
I need to sleep.
Right, okay, so just to recap, the plan is to have me call a therapist, lie about not being able to go outside so that I can secretly translate the problems of a thousand-year-old Viking, who, by the way, doesn't even want to talk about the problem, so we'll have to spring all this on him and hope he agrees? - Uh-huh.
- Okay.
I guess that's what we'll do.
Land ship, land ship! Who is this strange visitor? Hi, you must be Dr.
Long.
Uh, I am Jay.
I'm Sam's hubby.
She-she's not talking to you because of me.
Her and I are, like we're we're good.
Look, I know you're probably mad.
Why? Because you call therapist when Thor already refused to talk dreams? No, Thor thrilled.
Thor not actually thrilled.
Thor use sarcasm.
How do you know what a therapist is? Because Thor watching old reruns of Frasier.
Niles in particular, very funny.
Only likes best coffee.
Point is, Thor no talk feelings, like Martin, father of Frasier.
Fine.
I'm moving back into my old room.
No, Trevor, that's not an option.
Well, I'm not dealing with this mishigas.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
We just need to respect that Thor is afraid of his feelings.
Okay? He's terrified.
About as terrified as he is of a Danish raiding party.
By the eye of the Allfather, you bite your words.
Thor's not afraid of Danes and Thor's not afraid of therapy! Time to talk feelings! Feelings! I'll talk them.
Oh, Isaac, aren't you usually on your walk with Nigel right about now? I don't know why you would just assume that I have plans with Nigel.
I guess because it seems like you guys - are getting kind of close.
- Close? Me? And Nigel? I mean, he's not even American.
He probably doesn't even know what a bald eagle looks like.
I mean, I don't even know why we're talking about him.
What people should be talking about is this Isaac and Hetty situation.
Man and woman shacking up? Long history together? Things could get pretty amorous.
I'd be wondering that.
Are people wondering that? I was not wondering that.
Well, why the hell not?! I am so sorry for my outburst.
How's your day? So your agoraphobia keeps you from stepping outside? Yeah, but I'm actually cool with that.
What I'm really concerned by is these night terrors that I've been having.
Interesting.
Could you walk me through a typical episode? Uh-huh.
I would be happy to talk you through my last dream.
Thor not talk.
Dream very painful.
Because even though it may be very painful, you won't be able to help me unless I tell you what I'm going through.
Yes, that's usually how this works.
Please, proceed.
Fine.
In dream, Thor in vast plain with best friend Oskar.
So, I'm in a vast plain with my friend Oskar.
He's Norwegian.
Thor very cold.
Every bone in body aching.
Beard frozen in ice.
Scrotum size of berry.
It's pretty cold.
Near fire there is rock.
I grab it, raise it to the sky, and then I bring it down and smash Oskar's skull! I-I pick up a rock and I smash Oskar's head.
- Oh, my.
- Blood everywhere.
Brains splatter up nose.
There is, like, blood everywhere.
And brains up nose.
Tell her of the brains.
I even get some brains up my nose.
Now I need you to think, does this dream remind you of something that's happened in your life? Yes.
It is exactly the same as day I kill best friend Oskar.
Oh, my God.
Now that I think about it, it is pretty similar to the time that I betrayed my best friend Oskar.
This was a big betrayal? Is ultimate betrayal! Thor monster! Thor, come back.
Uh, Thor was my childhood dog.
Tell me about him.
And feel free to not take so many long pauses.
Yeah.
Uh, he was a corgi.
He liked socks.
Good night, Isaac.
Sleep well.
Oh, what's happening? Oh, stop your games.
You're a woman with a comely nape, and this man wants to kiss it.
- He does? - Yeah.
Oh, my.
Is this Is this a seduction? Am I being seduced? You most certainly are.
Unless you don't want to be.
No.
Of course, I've considered that romantic tensions could boil over between us.
Ah, one would say it's inevitable.
I just was surprised that it's taken so very long.
Mm, well, you know what? Let's slow this train down.
No! I was overcome at first, but I want this, Isaac.
I want it badly and I want it now.
- My nape, kiss it.
Kiss my nape.
- Uh Kiss it.
- Kiss my nape.
- Okay.
Isaac? Oh, Isaac.
My nape.
Ooh Oh, Isaac.
Are you still with me, Isaac? - Oskar! - Oh, dear.
Forgive Thor for murder! Okay, therapy has made it so much worse.
He is twice as loud as he was last night and I would say ten times as violent.
- See eyeballs crush like grapes! - Oh, you know what? It's actually a lot quieter in this room.
- I'm gonna sleep in here.
- No.
You know the rules.
Sam! You have fully broken that man.
I'm dead, but I still need my beauty sleep.
Hmm.
I actually think it's slightly quieter in here.
Hmm.
I'm staying.
- Absolutely not.
- Knock, knock.
Sorry, meant to say that before I entered.
Uh, look, I don't want to be a bother, but Thor's brutal screams are sort of keeping Sass and me awake.
Oh, wow, they're kind of muffled in here.
Would it be okay if I stayed? No.
No one is sleeping here.
You can say that again.
We're not leaving until Thor stops screaming.
Oh, wait a second.
It might be over.
Brains! No, it's not.
I'm gonna Yeah.
Hell too good for me! Thor? Thorfinn? Thor.
- I'll take the bullet.
- Stings.
- Ah.
Ah! - Thor? Buddy? Buddy Do it again.
That was wild! Thor, it-it's just us.
You were having a nightmare.
Was battling demon in Muspelheim, land of fire.
I was banished there for murdering best friend.
Oof, right.
Look, Thor, I'm sorry I pressured you into therapy.
But I do think if you push through and get a little deeper, you might be able to process what happened and move on.
Thor no deserve to move on.
Thor deserve to spend nights in Muspelheim, eating fire and cinder.
Thor, talk to us.
Tell us your story.
Why did you kill Oskar? Fine.
After shipmates abandoned Thor, I wander completely alone for months, but then I meet Oskar, and we team up.
We hunt together, camp together, we even make little bracelets out of tall grass together.
Very cute.
- Aww.
- He killed that guy.
Well, let me enjoy the ramp-up.
But then as the winter deepened, we got hungrier, hungrier.
Till one day, Thor so hungry he can't think.
So I grab rock, I sneak up and I crush Oskar's skull! - Gadzooks.
- I didn't even cook him.
I ate him raw.
And I ate his legs.
I ate his heart.
Oh, damn it, Thor, you ate your friend's heart? Thor so hungry, I I even ate his tail.
Sorry, did did you say "tail"? What is so strange? Oskar is squirrel.
- What? - Oh, my God.
- A squirrel? - Come on.
Pretty sure I say this in beginning.
Uh, no, you definitely did not.
- Pretty sure I did.
- No.
Point is after friends abandoned Thor, Oskar there for me.
But when Oskar needed me most, I eat him.
Much shame.
For Thor no better than friends who leave me.
No, Thor, you just did what you had to do in a difficult situation.
Also, dude, it's like, it was a squirrel.
Your friends left a human being.
You were just trying to survive.
Any one of us would have done the same thing.
Yeah, you got to forgive yourself, big guy.
I I have to admit, saying secret out loud, it doesn't feel so bad.
Hetty.
Oh, Isaac.
I came to apologize for my undignified behavior earlier this evening.
I, um, may have been, um, trying to prove something to myself.
The truth is, I have developed affections for someone on the estate, but it's, um Oh, wow.
It feels like there's an actual lump in my throat.
Isaac we've been friends for 130 years.
You can tell me anything.
Okay, I'll say it.
And then it's said.
The person who caught my eye is Nigel.
Oh.
Oh.
Well, I'm slightly embarrassed I didn't see it.
Oh, no, don't be, don't be.
I'm sure no one did.
I don't, I don't know why this has been so hard for me.
And I guess I just felt that if I ever spoke of these matters out loud, it would mean that everything that came before was a lie.
But if that is what it takes to speak the truth, then so be it.
- And I am so, so deeply sorry - Oh for deceiving you.
What you have been the past two centuries is my dear friend.
And that could never be a lie.
You think you're ready to tell Nigel? Couldn't be less ready.
- Oh.
- But one day, hopefully, I will be.
In the meantime, it's just nice to have someone to share my actual feelings with.
Ooh, do you remember that footman who worked here for about a week in the '30s before he got caught stealing silverware? Oh, who, Clive? No, I don't remember him at all, or the way he filled out those khakis.
- It was wild.
- Oh, the only tragedy here is that we haven't been doing this for years.
Yes.
We haven't, yes.
Well, another ghost problem solved.
Oh, yeah? Did you get to the bottom of the night terrors? Yeah, he, uh, he ate his best friend.
But his best friend was a squirrel.
Oh, that is sad on a couple of levels.
You know, babe, y-you don't have to use therapy to just talk about ghost problems.
You could also talk about ghost problems.
Like the fact that you see them and have to deal with that.
- Jay, I'm fine.
- Are you sure? I worry sometimes that you're dealing with this huge crazy thing and I'm the only person that you have to talk about it with.
I mean, when it first happened, I was pretty freaked out, but now I'm starting to think, I don't know, maybe this all happened for a reason.
Like, maybe I'm supposed to help the ghosts with their problems so they can move on.
I am married to a damn superhero.
Ooh.
It is on.
Of course, it's not without its downsides.
Sorry, things heated up kind of quickly.
Just pretend we're not here.
Let's go upstairs.
Oh, come on, now.
We have so little.
And I guess that ever since I saw his picture in the magazine, I have been having these dreams, where I'm riding a black stallion with Jason Momoa.
And when we get thrown off, he catches me and he lays me down on a soft bed of grass.
So I guess what what I'm wondering is Go on.
Ask her.
What I'm wondering is, is there a way that I could make these dreams happen more often? Okay, uh, there's a lot to unpack here.
Hey, so Thor still healing, have other issue for talking.
Uh-uh.
Move it, buster.
This is my time.
I'll be quick.
Oh, fine.
Would you mind if we just switched gears for a second? It's your hour.
Totally.
Let me think about how to put this.
So, many moons ago, during Viking funeral, I was meant to be sucked off, and pretty hippie woman say she love Thor, which feel very good.
But then I am not sucked off, and suddenly she does not love Thor, which feel very bad.
Uh Don't forget "sucked off" part.
Important for context.
Oh, boy.