Glee s01e15 Episode Script

[School Bell Rings.]
[Sue Narrating.]
Madonna.
Simply saying the word aloud makes me feel powerful even in voice-over.
How I have worshipped her ever since I was a little girl.
Sorry, AngieJolie, Catherine the Great.
Madonna is the most powerful woman to ever walk the face of the Earth.
I'm instating a new policy whereby we play Madonna's greatest hits over the P.
A.
System quite loudly throughout the entire school day.
But blasting her delicious hooks would make it impossible for the students to concentrate.
Ah, who cares? Madonna never finished college.
She hopped a cab for the bright lights of New York City with 35 bucks in her pocket.
And I think we should encourage our pupils to do the same.
You say the word, and I will provide you a list of the students I believe should be rounded up and shipped off immediately.
I am sorry, Sue.
This is insanity! What you call insanity, I call inspiration.
Let me break it down for you.
It's been the biggest dream of my career to pay homage to Madonna the woman most responsible for my take-no-prisoners demeanor and my subconscious tendency to always be desperately looking for someone named Susan.
And now my Cheerios squad this year finally has the talent to make that dream come true.
You will not take that dream from me.
Do you not understand the blackmail process and how it works? - # ["Justify My Love".]
- Smile.
I have your wife's phone number on speed dial.
To recap, you will be playing those Madonna hits throughout the day at an earsplitting volume.
- Understood? - # ["Justify My Love".]
- # [Stops.]
- Santana.
- What does your bracelet say? - "W.
W.
M.
D.
" "What would Madonna do?" Well, the answer to that question is usually date a younger man.
So let's see some arm candy, girls.
Sorry, freshmen.
You're gonna have to start trolling the middle schools.
And you know why? 'Cause if you want to be as riveting a performer as Madonna a skill that will nab us nationals this year you're going to have to start thinking like her, acting like her.
Also, a la Madonna I will no longer acknowledge that any of you have last names.
BeckyJackson from now on, you're just Becky.
You know, it's like Madonna once said "I'm tough, I'm ambitious and I know what I want.
If that makes me a bitch, okay.
" I'm pretty sure she stole that line from one Sue Sylvester.
No, really, she stole it from me.
I said it first.
Palladium.
'87.
[School Bell Rings.]
Can I ask you guys something private? Yes, you should move to Israel.
It's about dating.
Not that I'm dating anyone.
We all know that Finn and I are no longer an item and for the sake of the team, I broke up with Jesse.
But let's just say I was dating someone.
Let's just say, hypothetically, we went to a Wiggles concert last Friday night, and then because my dads weren't home, we went up to my room and started making out.
It was erotic and romantic.
And then he said We should do it.
- "It"? - Totally.
Haven't you done it before? No.
Have you? What do you think? It's no big deal.
For a girl it is.
What if then he got really crabby and left and didn't even take home the Care Bear I won him playing Skee Ball? Would you please stop talking? You're grossing out my baby.
I just want to be ready.
I know I'm getting older and these things are gonna happen someday but how do I stop a guy from getting mad at me for saying "no"? - Just do what I do.
Never say "No.
" - Oh, totally.
I mean, what's the worst that can happen? - Sorry, Quinn.
- [Mercedes.]
Look, girl, don't ask me.
The last guy I liked was the mayor of Gay Town.
And I can't wait to get a guy mad at me for saying "no.
" We just have to accept that guys don't care about our feelings.
Like, the other day, I was walking with Artie I've thought a lot about it, and I forgive you for lying about your stutter.
However, if you're planning on getting all up on this I'm gonna need you to make some changes.
The goth thing was two years ago, so maybe lose the vampire makeup and consider some tighter-fitting clothing.
You've got the pow, and I believe you should work it more if we're going to be an item.
That's got to sting.
Hey, guys.
I'm sorry to interrupt your little sorority but I couldn't help but overhearing.
Are you really having that much boy trouble? You wouldn't understand, Mr.
Schue.
You're a guy.
Well, then maybe you should talk to someone else about it - like Miss Pillsbury.
- I tried that.
Oh, um, that's a hot-button topic, isn't it? I mean, when to do that.
- This is the perfect chat to have with your mom.
- I have two gay dads.
Right, right.
You, um How about your rabbi? I really don't feel comfortable talking about this with Rabbi Greenberg.
- Aren't you a guidance counselor? - Uh - [School Bell Rings.]
- The fact is, is that women still earn 70 cents to every dollar that a man does for doing the same job.
That attitude starts in high school.
I don't know what to say.
I mean I can't do this job if I don't have the kids' confidence.
I get that this area of interest is, uh your blind spot, but I want to help you so that the next time a girl comes in here asking those kinds of questions, you'll be prepared.
I'm not saying you need to have sex.
No! No, no, no.
No, that's not what you were offering.
Why would you offer that? It wasn't what I was thinking.
- Wishful thinking is all that was.
- What this is all about is teenage girls feeling like they have no power.
Right.
And it makes sense too.
I mean, look at their role models, you know? You've got Britney Spears and her shaved head.
Lindsay Lohan looks like something out of Lord of the Rings.
Ann Coulter.
Let's work together to try to find a way to make them feel more confident about themselves.
Yeah, I like that.
Yes, we will change the world one girl at a time.
We'll be like a girl-saving team.
And maybe along the way, we can find a way to help you too.
# [Intro: "Ray Of Light".]
# [Continues.]
[Madonna.]
# Zephyr in the sky at night I wonder # # Do my tears of mourning # # Sink beneath the sun # # She's got herself a universe gone quickly # # For the call of thunder # # Threatens everyone # # And I feel like I just got home # # And I feel # # And I feel like I just got home # # And I feel # # [Ends.]
Sloppy freak show babies! Somewhere in the English countryside in a stately manor home, Madonna is weeping! Hit the showers! [Chattering.]
[Sniffs.]
Oh.
Hey, William.
I thought I smelled cookies wafting from the ovens of the little elves who live in your hair.
Wow, Sue.
I'm really impressed.
Yeah, well, Madonna is legend.
I want my girls to learn all the lessons she has to offer strength, independence.
Nobody quite like the Material Girl to empower my Cheerios just like your hairdresser has empowered you to look absolutely ridiculous.
I'll see you later, Sue.
You think this is hard? I'm passing a gallstone as we speak! That's hard! What comes to mind when you see that name? - Genius.
- Icon.
Hall of fame MI LF.
So, we're all aware of Madonna's musical and cultural significance which is why this week your assignment is to come up with a Madonna number.
- [Gasping.]
- Yes! Uh, Mr.
Schue? As a dude, Madonna makes me kind of uncomfortable.
Yeah, she's smokin'and everything, but can't some of us do something else? Like the guy version of Madonna? Like, you know, Pantera? - [Boys Murmuring.]
- Guysl You know, it's come to my attention that many of you haven't been treating the young ladies of our group very nicely lately.
You're disrespectful, bullying, sexist and I hate to say it misogynistic.
I have no idea what that means.
When I pulled my hamstring, I went to a misogynist.
What it means is, put yourself in their shoes for a change.
Culturally, Madonna's legacy transcends her music because by and large, the subtext ofher songs are about being strong, independent and-and confident no matter what your sex.
But more than anything, Madonna's musical message is about equality.
And that is something I think you guys need to work on.
Mr.
Schue, I don't think we can have an honest conversation about Miss Ciccone without acknowledging that her images are as indelible as her songs.
I would like to honor her contributions by tackling a multimedia project with Mercedes.
Great.
Go for it, Kurt.
I'm still not down.
And no chick intimidates Puckzilla.
I just don't think her music translates to show choir.
Really? Well I, for one, couldn't disagree more.
[Whispering.]
Come on, girls! Do you believe in love? 'Cause I got something to say about it, and it goes something like this.
# Don't go for second best baby # # Put your love to the test # # You know, you know you've got to # # Make him express how he feels # # And maybe then you know your love is real # # You don't need diamond rings # # Or 18-karat gold # # Fancy cars that go very fast # # You know they never last No, no # # What you need is a big, strong hand # # To lift you to your higher ground # # Make you feel like a queen on a throne # # Make him love you till you can't come down # # Don't go for second best baby # # Put your love to the test # # You know, you know you've got to # # Make him express how he feels # # And maybe then you'll know your love is real # # And when you're gone he might regret it # # Think about the love you once had # # Try to carry on but he just won't get it # - # Hey # - # He'll be back on his knees, so please # # Don't go for second best baby # # Put your love to the test # # You know, you know you've got to # # Make him express how he feels # - # And maybe then you'll know your love is real # - # Your love is real # # You've got to make him express himself # - # Hey, hey, hey, hey # - # Put your love to the test # - # So if you want it right now make him show you how # - # Make him show how he feels # # Express what he's got # # Baby, ready or not # # Express yourself ## That's what I'm talking about.
All right! - # ["Burning Up".]
- Oh, I look smoking hot.
- Guess who I'm dating.
- Who? Wes Brody.
He's super cute.
He plays soccer with my sister.
He's seven.
Oh! Crap.
I need a younger, inferior man.
If I don't find one, Coach Sylvester will kick me off the Cheerios for sure.
Hello? Finn his birthday's like three days before yours, and he's super dumb.
We already tried with Finn, and he hates us.
Trust me, the way to get a man to follow you forever take his virginity.
Madonna, like, wrote a song about it.
- Hmm.
- # You're not convinced that that is enough # # [Continues.]
Hey, Finnocence.
You know, I've been thinking, and I think we should go out.
Just you and me this time.
No third wheel.
- Will you talk to me this time? - I don't really talk during.
[Sighs.]
Look, Finn.
It's high time you've lost the big "V.
" Everything about you screams virgin.
You're about as sexy as a Cabbage Patch Kid.
It's exhausting to look at you.
Well, look, I appreciate the offer, but I have feelings for someone else - and I'm trying to work things out with them, so - Who, Rachel? She's dating thatJesse kid from Vocal Adrenaline.
- No, she's not.
- Please.
You can smell it on her.
She's like a cat in heat.
She talked about him yesterday and practically sprayed the choir room.
So, come on.
Let's do the deed.
It'll be great for my image, and Sue will promote me to head cheerleader.
It's win-win.
Wait.
What What do I get out of it? I don't know.
You get to have sex and make Rachel jealous.
I meant for me, okay? It's win-win for me.
- # [Continues Over P.
A.
.]
- You wanted to see me? - # Come on, let's go # - Sue! [Clears Throat.]
Um, yeah.
Thank you for coming.
Please sit down.
No.
Okay.
Um I was just wondering why Madonna's playing everywhere except my office.
Well, it's simple, Arlene.
You don't deserve the power of Madonna.
You have none of her self-confidence, her power over her body or her sexual magnetism.
Simply put, you have all the sensuality of one of those pandas down at the zoo who refuse to mate.
I had your, uh, intercom disconnected.
# [Continues Over P.
A.
.]
There you go.
Finn, I was just coming to find you.
Look, I know that the boys were a little uncomfortable about this Madonna assignment so I figured you and I as co-captains could do a little mash-up of a bunch of her songs just to show everyone how cool it can be.
Yeah, sure.
Whatever.
Look, are you still dating thatJesse kid? No No.
Who-Who told you that? Look, I know things have been weird between us, but I never thought you'd lie to me.
Look, please just don't tell anyone.
- Unbelievable.
- We may not be together the way thatJesse and I are, but we can still be friends.
L-I'm asking you as my friend to trust me.
Fine.
But if this leads to something bad for all of us, don't expect any more friendship from me.
Noted.
All right, let's rehearse then.
## ["Borderline".]
## ["Borderline".]
# Something in the way you love me # # Won't let me be # # I don't wanna be your prisoner # # So, baby won't you set me free # # Stop playing with my heart # # Finish what you start # # When you make my love come down # # If you want me, let me know # # Baby, let it show # # Honey, don't you fool around # # Don't try to resist me ## # Open your heart to me, baby # # I'll hold the lock and you hold the key # # Open your heart to me darling # # I'll give you love if you # - # You turn the key ## - # Something in your eyes # # Is making such a fool of me # # You're making me You're making such a fool of me # [Both.]
# I see you on the street and you walk on by # # You're on the street I see you when you're walking by # # When you hold me in your arms # # You love me till I just can't see # # Oh, oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh # # So you choose to look the other way # [Both.]
# Well, I've got something to say # # Open your heart to me, baby # # I'll hold the lock and you hold the key # # Open your heart to me darling # # I'll give you love if you you turn the # - # Key # - # Open your heart # # I'll make you love me # # I'll hold the lock and you hold the key # # Open your heart to me darling # # I'll give you love if you # # You turn the key # # Oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh, oh # # Open your heart with the key ## [Panting.]
[Panting.]
- Th-That was good.
- Totally.
- # ["Frozen".]
- I'm going to Kabbalah.
Is that too much? Hey, guys.
How's this week's assignment coming along? Oh, amazing.
You know how Madonna kind of reinvented the video, right? - Right.
- Well, we got Artie and the A/V Club to help out.
- We're gonna make a Madonna video of our own.
- It's gonna be "Madge-ical.
" [Chuckling.]
Madge.
You know, Madonna's nickname? - Okay, you really got to get up to speed here.
- I got it.
[Sue.]
Schuesterl I heard a juicy little rumor that your up-with-people rejects were doing some Madonna songs.
- Is that true? - Yeah, well, to be honest, Sue I got inspired watching your Cheerios.
Well, I have been waiting years to pay tribute to her and you are not swooping in at the last minute to snatch her from my talons.
Madonna belongs to me, and I will not be copied.
It's in my contract.
I want you to listen very closely.
You can have your Barbras and your Chers and your Christinas And, wow, I just lost my train of thought.
You have so much margarine in your hair.
Okay, first of all, my kids are doing Madonna.
She's public domain, and there's nothing you can do about it.
Secondly, enough with the hair jokes.
Oh, by the way, how's the Florence Henderson look working out for you? - [Shudders.]
- # A nd you should know I suffer the same # Oh! Maybe you should try a new setting on your Flowbee.
Oh, snap! # Will be broken # # Love is a bird # # She needs to fly # # Let all the hurt inside of you die # - # You're frozen # - Do you you have a problem with what just happened? - Is that why you're looking at me like that? - # When your heart's not open # Who else wants a piece of this? Huh? # [Vocalizing.]
# Give yourself to me # # [Vocalizing.]
Um, hey.
Uh, so, that offer of yours, uh, to lose the big "V" I'm in.
- # If I # - Hmm.
# Could melt your heart # [Knocking.]
Miss Sylvester, we'd like a word.
We saw how upset you got today.
I don't know what you're talking about.
We saw your face after Mr.
Schuester insulted your hair.
Close the door.
Sit down.
You know, kids, I grew up with a "handicapable" sister.
My parents were famous Nazi hunters, so they weren't around a lot.
I had to bring her up on my own.
I didn't have a lot of time or money to keep up with all the latest looks.
But on my sixth birthday, True Blue was released an album that would later sell over 30 million copies.
And my sister and I took it upon ourselves to bleach my hair with whatever chemicals we could find around the house ammonia, napalm.
My hair was so damaged, I've been forced to wear it short ever since.
It's been a daily, ongoing pain.
- Wait.
That would make you, like, 30.
- Twenty-nine.
And here's the truth.
I mercilessly pick on Will Schuester's lustrous, wavy hair because I'm jealous.
There.
I said it.
I think we can help.
Mercedes is black.
I'm gay.
- We make culture.
- Go on.
We're working on an exciting new project and would like to use the Cheerios.
And we can help you find a new look.
Interesting.
Sondheim on Music.
[Gasps.]
[Whispering.]
Jesse, is that you? I'm so glad you came.
I picked the Stephen Sondheim biography section for our clandestine meeting place because only he would be able to express my melancholia.
I feel bad about what happened at your house.
Do you still have my Care Bear? Yes.
Since we're meeting in the shadows - there's something I wanted to talk to you about.
- Me first.
I was out of line the other night.
You deserve more than that.
You deserve romance.
No, you deserve epic romance.
I feel badly that I pressured you into, you know going all the way.
I'm willing to wait.
You tell me when you're ready.
And I'll make sure that I'm fastidiously groomed.
What did you want to tell me? I'm ready.
[Chuckles.]
[School Bell Rings.]
Hey, that catch was amazing Tuesday.
[Chuckles.]
- Will! - Hey.
- Hey, wait up.
- All right.
How's it going? Good.
Um Okay.
I've realized something something really important.
You know when we were talking about Madonna the other day and how her music was being blasted like an intimidating cluster bomb into everybody's office except for mine because apparently I lack a shred of sex appeal? Well, it struck me that the Big Mo is always in control of everything.
- Her life is her own.
- Okay.
So I need to take control of myself and my body just like Madonna.
Which is why I'm planning on doing the nasty with you tonight at your place.
Foreplay shall begin at 7:30 sharp.
So, what do you think? Not that it matters.
- I couldn't agree more.
- Great.
- Great.
- 7:30.
- Cool.
- Mm-hmm.
[Artie.]
"Vogue,"take one.
Sound, speed and action.
And playback.
# ["Vogue".]
# [Snapping.]
Strike a pose.
# Look around # # Everywhere you turn is heartache # # It's everywhere that you go # # Look around # [Sue.]
# You try everything you can to escape # # The pain of life that you know # # The life that you know # # When all else fails and you long to be # # Something better than you are today # # I know a place where you can get away # # It's called a dance floor and here's what it's for, so # - # Come on, vogue # - # Vogue # # Let your body move to the music # - # Move to the music # - # Hey, hey, hey # - # Come on, vogue # - # Vogue # # Let your body go with the flow # # You know you can do it # # Beauty's where you find it # # Not just where you bump and grind it # # Soul is in the musical # # That's where I feel so beautiful # # Magical Life's a ball # # So get up on the dance floor # # Come on, vogue # - # Vogue # - # Let your body move to the music # - # Move to the music # - # Hey, hey, hey # - # Come on, vogue # - # Vogue # - # Vogue # - # L et your body go with the flow # # You know you can do it # - # Vogue # - # Vogue # # Beauty's where you find it # # Move to the music # - # Vogue # - #Vogue # - # Beauty's where you find it # - # Go with the flow # # Greta Garbo and Monroe Dietrich and DiMaggio # # Marlon Brando Jimmy Dean # # On the cover of a magazine # # Grace Kelly, Harlow, Jean Picture of a beauty queen # # Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire Sue Sylvester, dance on air # # They had style They had grace # # Rita Hayworth gave good face # # Lauren, Katharine, Lana too # # Will Schuester, I hate you # # Ladies with an attitude Fellas that were in the mood # # Don't just stand there Let's get to it # # Strike a pose There's nothing to it # # Vogue # # Vogue # # Ooh # # You've got to let your body move to the music # # Ooh, you've got to just # # Vogue ## [Water Dripping.]
[Jesse.]
Are you ready? - In a minute.
- # ["Like A Virgin".]
- In a minute.
- # ["Like A Virgin".]
# I made it through the wilderness # # Somehow I made it through # # I didn't know how lost I was # # Until I found you # # I was beat # # Incomplete # # I'd been had # # I was sad and blue # # But you made me feel # # Yeah, you made # # Me feel # # Shiny and new # # Like a virgin # # Touched for the very first time # # Like a virgin # # When your heart beats next to mine # # Gonna give you all my # # Love, boy # # My fear is fading fast # # I've been saving it all for you # # 'Cause only love can last # # You're so fine # # And you're mine # # Make me strong # # Yeah, you make me bold # # Oh, your love thawed out # # Yeah, your love thawed out # # What was scared and cold # - # Like a virgin # - #You make me feel like a virgin # # Touched for the very first time # # Oh, baby # # Like a virgin # # When your heart beats next to mine # # Like a virgin # - # Oh, oh, oh, like a virgin # - #Yeah # # Feels so good inside # - # When you hold me # - # When you hold me # - # When your heart beats # - # When your heart beats # - # When you love me # - # When you love me, baby # ## [Vocalizing.]
# Oh, oh, yeah # - # Oh # - # Like a virgin ## [Crickets Chirping.]
[Crickets Chirping.]
[Inhales, Exhales.]
[Water Dripping.]
[Jesse.]
Rachel? I'm ready.
- [School Bell Rings.]
- Our project was a triumph.
I know.
I wonder which look she's gonna rock.
Doesn't matter.
They were all fantastic.
Oh, dear.
Miss Sylvester.
Oh, hey there, Whoopi, Don Knotts.
- What happened? - Well, I'll tell you what.
All those costumes and the hairstyles I'm gonna leave constant reinvention to Madonna.
- Know why? Had a revelation.
- # ["Justify My Love".]
Here's a list of the kids I want shipped off to New York with 35 bucks in their pocket.
Operation Madonna is now complete.
- Sue, these are all Glee kids.
- Yep.
Um l-I'm sorry, Sue.
I'm having trouble concentrating.
- Your new look is - Fantastic.
Yeah, I agree.
Unnecessary.
Sue, you're a powerful woman.
You don't need to copy anyone else.
You're an original, just like Madonna.
Don't lose that quality.
Do you mean that, or are you just saying that because I poked a couple of kids' eyes out before second period today? - # Justify my love # - [Scoffs.]
See, kids? Sue Sylvester realized she doesn't need to reinvent herself.
She needs to reinvent everybody else starting with you two.
[Exhales.]
- Hey.
- Hi.
So how'd your date with Jesse go Friday night? It went wonderfully.
Honestly, it wasn't that big of a deal.
I mean, you know, it-it was great.
But when it was over, I just, uh you know, didn't know why I was so nervous in the first place.
- [Knocking.]
- Just come out so we can talk.
Or sing about it.
Look, Jesse, I really like you, but I can't do it.
It wouldn't be right for the team.
What does the team have to do with this? If I give myself to you knowing that my teammates wouldn't approve it would be like I was sleeping with the enemy.
I'd be betraying them.
Because I'm truly not ready to do this, I'd be betraying myself.
I'm happy for you.
And, uh, what about you? I heard that you had a date with Santana on Friday night.
Yeah.
L-I couldn't go through with it.
Why? - I guess I'm just waiting for the right person.
- [Horn Honks.]
- [Vehicle Passes.]
- Do you think they have room service in this place? 'Cause I want a burger.
I thought I'd feel different after.
Yeah, well, I've noticed that it takes about 20 or so times before the feeling of accomplishment really kicks in.
There's no menu, so you're gonna have to take me to a burger joint.
How do you feel? I don't feel anything.
'Cause it didn't mean anything.
- [School Bell Rings.]
- [Knocking.]
Where have you been? I've been calling you all weekend.
I was kind of embarrassed.
I really wanted to go through with it, Will.
You were so gracious and gentle and handsome and it felt so good to be close to you in that way.
I just I don't know why I always freak out like that.
Stop.
Stop, stop, stop.
You don't need to sleep with me to prove anything.
You took ownership of your body on Friday when you told yourself you weren't ready and then ran out of my apartment with no shoes on.
They're my favorites.
Did you bring them? [Sighs.]
I feel bad, Emma.
I've been working so hard trying to get the guys to start treating the girls with more respect, and I haven't been walking the walk.
I never should have agreed to have you come over that night.
I did kind of throw myself at you.
That is the point.
We're falling into a pattern here.
We need to instate an official no-dating policy until my divorce is final.
Well, when will that be? I filed today.
So that's a start.
But while we're waiting I want you to get some help for your problems.
We need to take action here.
They're not gonna go away unless we do.
Now, our health union covers counseling.
They'll come to the school, meet you in your office whatever you need.
And I polished them myself.
Thank you.
- [Knocking.]
- Mr.
Schuester? - Yes? - I'm Jesse St.
James.
Can I talk to you about something? What the hell? It seems like now everybody's doing things just to hurt my feelings.
I thought you all would take this news a little better.
I'm a star.
You can learn from me.
We were already fighting for second leads, and now that you've shown up - I have lost all hope at ever getting a solo.
- Yeah, that's right.
And y'all just trot me out at the end of every number so I can wail on the last note.
- How is that okay? - He's a spy, Mr.
Schue.
I would know.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, guys.
I saw all the paperwork.
I spoke with his parents.
They winter in Bali.
It's a very expensive phone call.
[Will.]
Jesse just moved in with his uncle, which is in our school district.
It's all above board, guys.
He goes to this school now.
- But this isn't fair.
- Guys! Everyone who's ever auditioned for this group has gotten in.
That's how we do things here.
Okay? To suddenly change the rules now that would be unfair.
- Brittany.
- Mr.
Schue, is he your son? I don't understand why you're doing this.
Because when you love something, you got to go for it.
You would never be with me completely if I were on the opposing team.
And I care about you more than winning another national title.
So I left Vocal Adrenaline for you.
[Will.]
All right, guys, we have got a lot of work to do.
Jesse, great to have you here.
Welcome aboard.
Okay, from the top.
- [Clock Ticking.]
- Five, six, seven, eight! - [Clock Ticking.]
- Five, six, seven, eight! ## ["4 Minutes".]
[Mercedes.]
# Hey # # Uh, come on Kurt Hummel, take it # # Come on, girl I've been waiting for somebody to pick up my stroll # # Uh # # Well, don't waste time Give me the sign # # Tell me how you want to roll # # I want somebody to speed it up for me then take it down slow # # There's enough room for both # # Well, I can handle that You just got to show me where it's at # # Are you ready to go # # Are you ready to go # # If you want it # # You already got it # # If you've thought it it better be what you want # # Time is waiting # - # We only got four minutes to save the world # - # No hesitating # # Yeah Grab a boy, grab a girl # # Time is waiting # - # We only got four minutes to save the world # - # No hesitating # # We only got four minutes Huh, four minutes # # Don't be afraid Hey, Madonna, uh # # You got to get 'em up, hop # # Ticktock, ticktock, ticktock # # That's right, keep it up, keep it up Don't be afraid # - # Hey, Madonna, uh # - # You got to get 'em up, hop # # Ticktock, ticktock, ticktock ## [Crowd Applauding.]
[Crowd Applauding.]
Sue, what the hell is going on here? What's the matter, buddy? Did you miss the show? You probably had to run to the powder room.
Let me fill you in.
Future center square Kurt Hummel there and his brassy hag Mercedes just tore that Madonna song - a new one.
- Wait.
You two are Cheerios now? Yeah, I've decided to add vocals to my already wildly overproduced Cheerios numbers.
It'll give us the edge at nationals.
- You guys could've at least given me the heads-up.
- You mean the same way you gave us a heads-up before not giving us a solo almost every week? Mr.
Schue, Mercedes and I talked it over, and we love being in Glee but being in the Cheerios will give us more opportunities to shine.
So we're doing both.
Ah, chipper up, tiger.
You know, I was down at the pharmacy today, and they're having a monster sale on Dep.
Dep is a hair gel.
And once again, I am making fun of your incredibly stupid hairdo.
[Buzzer Sounds.]
"Girls can wear jeans and cut their hair short "wear shirts and boots 'cause it's okay to be a boy.
" "But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading 'cause you think that being a girl is degrading.
" "Secretly you'd love to know what it's like, wouldn't you? What it feels like for a girl.
" # ["What It Feels Like For A Girl".]
# Silky smooth # # Lips as sweet as candy # # Baby # # Strong inside, but # # You don't know it # # Good little girls they never show it # # When you open up your mouth to speak # # Could you be a little weak # - # Do you know # - # Do you know # # What it feels like in this world # # For a girl # - # For a girl # - # Oh # # For a girl # # In this world # # Do you know # # What it feels like in this world ## I am not down with this.
I like being a dude.
- That's because it's easy to be a dude.
- Uh, Mr.
Schue I think we're gonna need a new baritone, 'cause Finn would like to become Finnessa.
Wait, hold on, Puck.
Finn has a point.
I mean, haven't you noticed how low morale has been around here lately? I have.
I think the way I was objectifying Tina may have sent her over the edge.
- [School Bell Rings.]
- Hey, girl.
My eyes are up herel I am a person with feelingsl Get out of my grilll I am a powerful woman, and my growing feminism will cut you in half like a righteous blade of equality! We've been treating the girls like crap not caring about their feelings, not listening, objectifying.
- That's the right word, right, Mr.
Schue? - That's right.
- Objectifying.
- As an honorary girl, I have to agree.
This team shouldn't work, but it does because we respect each other's talent.
And if we want to take it to the next level, we have to start respecting each other as individuals, really see each other.
Why were you singing with us, Mr.
Schue? Because apparently I need to learn that lesson.
Fine, but I'm not singing this song.
We don't have to.
We just have to make it right with the girls show them we get how it feels.
I would get down on one knee if I could.
- Why would you propose to me? You don't even like me.
- Stop.
That's where you're wrong.
I was really rude to you.
You're awesome.
And you shouldn't change unless you want to.
And if you want to get up on this, just let me know.
Yep.
That's more like it.
- Hey.
- If you're gonna criticize and mock me again aboutJesse you can can it.
I wanted to apologize.
The only reason you were even open to dating Jesse was because I was such an ass.
Mr.
Tough Guy and all that.
I really liked you.
And I could have had you, but I blew it.
You really liked me? Okay, Finn.
I know we have a big showdown coming, so let's just decide on the arena.
Sing-off, the parking lot, 5:00.
Be there.
No.
Welcome to New Directions.
Frankly, I need you.
I'm tired of carrying the male vocals all by myself.
I'll do my best to stay away from your girl.
I appreciate that.
She's a keeper.
Walk with me to the auditorium.
I put together a new Madonna number.
I'll talk you through it on the way.
Sweet.
# ["Like A Prayer".]
# Life is a mystery # # Everyone must stand alone # # I hear you call my name # # And it feels like # # Home # # When you call my name it's like a little prayer # # I'm down on my knees I wanna take you there # # In the midnight hour I can feel your power # # Just like a prayer You know I'll take you there # # I hear your voice # # It's like an angel sighing # # I have no choice # # I hear your voice # # Feels like flying # # I close my eyes # # Oh, God, I think I'm falling # # Out of the sky I close my eyes # # Let the choir sing # - ## [Vocalizing.]
- #When you call my name it's like a little prayer # # I'm down on my knees I wanna take you there # # In the midnight hour I can feel your power # # Just like a prayer You know I'll take you # - # There # - [Choir.]
# Just like a prayer # - # I'll take # - # I'll take you there # - # It's like a dream to me # - ## [Mercedes Vocalizing.]
# Just like a prayer your voice can take me there # # Just like a muse to me # - # You are a mystery # - # Your voice can take me there # # Take you there Take you there # # You are not what you seem Just like a prayer # # No choice Your voice can take me # # There ## [Crowd Cheering, Applauding.]
[Crowd Cheering, Applauding.]
# [Vocalizing.]
# [Harmonic Vocalizing.]
# [Ends.]