Hannah Montana s01e15 Episode Script

Behind the ears.
Over the ears.
Ooh, I know.
One behind, one over.
Oh, yeah! Hey, it's not that bad.
Okay, all right, no ears.
Lilly, this isn't about your ears.
I'm trying to tell you something.
What, that your pants are on too tight? No.
Guess what famous pop star is playing Zaronda, Princess of the Undead, on Zombie High? - Paula Abdul? - No.
- Hannah Montana! - That is so cool! But, wait, you don't know how to act.
What are you talking about? I act every day.
I act like I'm not Hannah Montana.
I act like Oliver's jokes are funny.
Yesterday, I acted like I liked that sweater you wore.
What? Just kidding, I loved it! See? I was acting.
Or was I? Ooh, you are good.
Hey, do you have any scenes with Jake Ryan? I haven't gotten the script yet.
But I don't care.
I get enough of that egomaniac at school.
Oh, come on.
You so like Jake.
No, I don't.
How can you say that? Because every time his name comes up, you act like you can't stand him.
- That's not acting.
- Or is it? No! You're the only girl at school who doesn't have a crush on him.
Oh, please, I think people are starting to see through his phony little game.
Hey, ladies, please, no crowding.
Sally, Wendy, Yolanda, you know the rules, before noon only the names that start with "A" through "L".
Hey, have you guys heard? Sometime today Jake's gonna ask one lucky girl to the '70s dance.
As soon as he picks one, there will be 100 depressed girls looking for a shoulder to cry on.
Well, here it is, broad and water absorbent.
Look at him.
It's disgusting.
Come on, if he asks you to the dance, are you telling me you wouldn't say yes? Yes.
Yes, you'd say no or yes, you'd say yes? No! Yes, I'd say no! Hey, Miley, you wanna go to the '70s dance with me? - Yes.
Aw.
- I mean no.
Yay! - No? - Yes, I mean no.
Huh? - Now you cheer.
Yay! - No? - Yes.
- Yes! - No! Now stop that! Come on! You get the limo out front Hottest styles, every shoe, every color Yeah, when you're famous it can be kind of fun It's really you but no one ever discovers Who would have thought that a girl like me Would double as a superstar? You get the best of both worlds Chill it out, take it slow Then you rock out the show You get the best of both worlds Mix it all together And you know that it's the best of both worlds Lilly, look what I got.
- Not now.
Jake's about to change.
- Into what? A decent human being? No, he's going to take off his rash guard.
But, Lilly, I just got the script for Zombie High! No way, let me see it! Oh, man! I missed his muscles.
His zombie-slaying muscles.
Lilly, build a bridge and get over it.
Look at the title.
It's called "Forbidden Love".
- I wonder if that's you! - It better not be.
- Hey.
What's up? - Nothing.
Just a magazine.
- What? - Nothing.
Hi.
Listen, about the dance.
You, uh, seemed really nervous when I asked you, which is to be expected, 'cause, you know, look at me.
I do.
All the time.
Even when you don't know I am.
Did I say that out loud? Yes.
I wanted to give you a second chance.
So, you want to go with me? Jake, I wasn't nervous then and I'm not nervous now.
I just don't wanna go to the dance with you.
Okay, so that's a no? - Yes.
- Yes? No.
Now stop that.
Okay.
I just want you to know that I'm shooting an episode with Hannah Montana this weekend, and even though I'll be kissing her, I'll be thinking of you.
- Oh, my God! Jake! I love you! - You are so amazing! Can you believe that guy? Trying to make me jealous by saying he's gonna be kissing Hannah Montana.
Wait a minute! - Oh, no.
- Oh, yes! This is horrible.
Not only do I have to kiss him, but my lips fall off.
No, it's okay.
See, he reattaches them with his love.
- Aw! - Ew.
- Hey, Dad.
What you got there? - Birthday present for Uncle Earl.
- Ooh, cool, can I see? - Son, don't open it.
Don't open that! Turn it off, turn it off! Three, two, one.
What is wrong with you? I'm sorry, Son.
I told you not to open it.
You know how your Uncle Earl always sends me a prank for my birthday? Well, this year I decided it was time for a little vacuum-packed payback.
Cool, can I get in on it? Oh, Son, no offense, but this game's for the big boys.
Your Uncle Earl's one of the all-time great pranksters.
- No.
- I think you should just stay out of it.
- I wouldn't want you to get hurt.
- Are you saying you don't think I have what it takes to put one over on Uncle Earl? Son, you couldn't even put one over on your old man.
Gee, Dad, I guess you're right.
We'll see you later.
- Jackson, I know that look.
- What look? Bye.
Something tells me this ain't gonna be pretty.
But it might be fun.
Hi, Hannah, I'm Roger, your director.
Big fan, big fan.
You look horrible.
It's fantastic! Listen, I've been thinking about the script - and I've just got one little problem.
- Oh, boy.
No, it's just a little thing.
See, do I really have to kiss that zombie slayer? Well, since the divine prophecy states that only by reawakening the cold, dead heart of the princess can the slayer rout the forces of darkness and save the world from ultimate destruction, I'm gonna have to say yes, you do.
But why does he always have to save the world? I mean, can't his faithful sidekick Demon Dog save it this week? I would rather plant one on the pooch.
Interesting idea.
I'll mention it to the writers.
But for right now, try to have fun.
And remember, all of us here, big fans, big fans.
Looks like we've got another diva guest star.
Turn on the charm.
- She's a little nervous about the kiss.
- Aren't they all? I mean, look at me.
Yeah, you're beautiful.
Big fan, big fan.
Just do it.
Hi, Hannah, I'm Jake Ryan.
We're thrilled to have you on the show this week.
Yeah.
It's gonna be real interesting for me too.
So, what do you think of the script? Well, I love everything except page forty-one.
Oh, the kiss.
Yeah, nothing personal, buddy, but Man, this is not my week.
I mean, first, this girl I like won't go to the school dance with me and now my zombie princess won't kiss me.
Yeah, well, I just don't think that the zombie princess would Who's this girl at school? - Her name's Miley.
- Wow.
What an interesting name.
I've never heard anything like it.
She must be really unique.
She is.
She's cute and funny and smart.
She's so down-to-earth.
And when I talk to her, it doesn't feel like she's talking to Jake Ryan the celebrity, but she's talking to Jake Ryan the person.
- You know what I mean? - Yeah, I do.
Sometimes you need to know that people like you for who you are - and not just because you're a star.
- Exactly! And she doesn't like me as a star or a person.
Isn't that great? Is this a trick question? No, it's just It's something new to me.
Look, I'm really sorry I'm dumping all this on you, it's just I can't stop thinking about her.
Really? Well, I guess I'm just gonna have to forget about it.
Oh, yeah, right, I suppose forgetting about her's good.
So, back to the kiss.
Don't worry about it, all right? Just close your eyes and count to sixty.
It'll be over before you know it.
- Sixty? Places! Hope you like thunder mint.
Darling, in three and a half miles, you are all mine.
Maybe just three.
What the heck.
How about I just jog down to the end of the driveway, get the mail and be right back.
Come to papa.
Booyah! Boy, I could use a glass of milk.
Your life is about to get real interesting, Son.
Zombie High bathroom.
Take one! Action! - You have betrayed us, Zaronda! - No! The slayer is lying to you! I saw the two of you with my own dead eyes! - Oh, you know what this means? - No, not the third stall! Not the portal to the underworld! No! Dudes! I slayed you once, looks like I'm gonna have to slay you again.
Flush twice, it's a long way down.
Oh, Zaronda! Are you okay? For a dead girl, I've never felt so alive.
- Then why did you run away from me? - Don't you see? Our love is forbidden.
We can never be together.
Then maybe this will change your mind.
He really is cute.
And he thinks I'm cute and down-to-earth.
Oh, stop it, Miley, you don't like him.
Oh, who am I kidding, yes, I do.
And that thunder mint Wow! Cut! That's lunch! What? Wait, wait, wait! What about the kiss? I thought about it and you're right.
We'll see how the audience feels about the relationship first, - then bring you back.
- But In the meantime, after lunch, we'll try that kiss with Demon Dog.
What? Hope you don't mind the taste of kibble and gravy.
He is a messy eater.
Hey! Don't listen to me.
Aren't you the director? Be a man.
Wow, Hannah, you were really great in that scene.
You looked like you really wanted to kiss me.
Yeah, well, it's called acting! You better brush them good if you're gonna be kissing me.
Lilly, I've been calling you all morning! Why haven't you been answering your cell phone? My dad took it away after my last Biology quiz.
Who knew photosynthesis had nothing to do with photography? Everyone.
Now do you want to hear about Zombie High or not? Yes, yes, yes! Tell me everything! But start with the kiss! How was the kiss? - Wet and kibbly.
- Ew.
Yeah.
I ended up kissing Demon Dog.
Anyhoo, that's not what I wanted to tell you.
It's about Jake.
- I realized that I actually - Hey, guys.
- Oh, Jake.
Hi.
- S'up? Okay, Jake, about the dance thing Don't worry, Miley.
I'm not gonna ask you again.
I've learned my lesson.
- Oh, really, because I realized that - That I should move on, I know.
I know.
That's why I came over here to ask Lilly.
Do you wanna go to the '70s dance with me? What? - Yes.
- Huh? Cool.
I'll call you with the deets.
I'm going to the dance with Jake I'm going to the dance with Jake Why aren't you happy dancing? Why aren't you happy dancing? - Because I like Jake.
- Since when? Since he saved me from going through the portal to the underworld.
Those kinds of things make you realize what's important in life.
But ever since the day he got here, all I've heard from you is, "Oh, he's so stuck-up," and, "Oh, who does he think he is?" - Yeah, well, I changed my mind.
- Yeah, right after he asked me.
No.
Actually, last night, which you would've known if you would've had your cell phone.
Photosynthesis! I mean, come on! - How is this my fault? - It's not.
Tell Jake that you can't go to the dance and everything will be fine.
But I don't want to tell him that.
But he likes me.
He only asked you 'cause I said no.
So, what are you saying? That I'm the canned fruit cup you get when they're all out of the chocolate pudding? - What? - You know what I mean.
Well, I've got news for you.
The Jake ship has sailed.
And you're not on it.
- I'm in a first-class cabin.
- Just leave mad already! Happily! - My house is this way! - My house is that way! Morning, Son.
You sure are a heavy sleeper.
Well, I'm gonna get you for this! What the What's wrong, Dad? You look a little down.
Good job, Son.
Now.
Let me give you a little hug, okay? Oh, no.
You stay away from me, sticky man.
Oh, no, let me give you a little low-fat raspberry love.
Bye-bye.
Oh.
Before digital photography, that would've taken me a week to paint.
Gotta love the progress.
That was a good one, Dad.
That was a good one.
Now give me a hug.
Oh, no.
Get away from me, pudding boy.
- Come on.
- Get away from me.
Come here.
Give me a hug.
Daddy! That was The Miami Funk Corporation with The Groove is Gonna Getcha, Shoogie Oogie Oogie.
- I'm having a great time.
- Me, too.
Hey, you know, that reminds me.
There's something I've been wanting to do all night.
Really? Oh, boy.
Just stretching my lips.
I heard the punch is tart.
Hey, disco man, mind if I borrow your mike? Dude, are you kidding? Just let me do a quick intro.
All you superfly guys, and you foxy ladies, it gives me great pleasure to introduce a living legend, a star for the ages, the King of Funkytown.
Yo, Oliver, before the semester ends.
And my close personal friend, Jake Ryan.
Who says I'm the second coolest guy at school.
Thanks, everybody.
I just want to say how happy I am to be part of a school where everybody is so nice and alive.
- Dude.
- Sorry.
Anyway, I want to dedicate this song to all the friends I've made here and one very special friend.
Hey, y'all.
What's up? - Whoa.
Whoa.
What are you doing? You're supposed to be at a '70s dance, not turning letters on a game show.
Oh, my goodness, I completely forgot.
I hope I don't stand out.
I know exactly what you're doing.
You're trying to get Jake to notice you.
No, I'm not.
Oh.
Hi, Jake.
Hi, Miley.
You look great.
Really? I think she looks like a fire truck.
A very cute fire truck.
Hey, less talkie, more dancie.
Oliver! Let's get this party started now! Whoo! Looks like somebody's trying to bump up the party.
Everybody's doing the bump.
Girls, please put the claws away.
- Stay out of this, Jake! - Yeah, we're fighting over you.
- Knock it off, he's my date! - Yeah, well, he asked me first! You said no, three times! Forgive me for thinking that meant no.
Hey.
Well, you're forgiven.
- Chocolate pudding! - Fruit cup! Wait.
Celebrity in pain.
Congratulations.
You made me look ridiculous in front of Jake.
Oh, yeah? Look what you did to me.
I'm not the one trying to steal someone else's date.
- How could you do that to me? - I don't know.
I mean, it was Jake and he's just so cute.
And that thunder mint.
Wow, and I kissed a dog.
I think I deserved it! Well, you can have him.
I don't like him that much, anyway.
- Since when? - Since Since I saw the way he looked at you.
- Lilly, I mean, I just - Forget it.
Easy come, easy go.
You go back out there.
I'll just rinse the sherbet out of my wig.
- You gonna be okay? - Yeah, I'm fine.
- Lilly.
- It's nothing.
I'm just rinsing my wig.
With my tears.
Why aren't you leaving? Because I hurt my best friend over some guy.
And nobody, not even Jake Ryan, is worth that.
- I'm sorry, Lilly.
- You should be.
- Ew.
You smell really bad.
- You smell really bad, too.
- Hey, you two okay? - Yeah.
We're fine.
Yeah, we talked.
We worked it all out.
Sorry, Jake, I'm not into you anymore.
That's cool.
So, Miley, - you want to dance? - No, thanks.
I'm gonna dance with my best friend.
Whatever.
So who wants to do the Hustle with Jake Ryan? - I don't know what they see in him.
- Neither do I.
- Good thing we're over him.
- Oh, yeah.
Hey, Jackson, get up and get me a soda, would you? Yeah, sure.
I go open the refrigerator and a monkey pops out and hits me over the head with a banana.
- You want a drink, you go get it.
- Oh, no.
I see what you're doing.
Turn it around so I get up and open up the fridge and a monkey hits me in the face with a pie.
A- ha! So there is a monkey! - Oh, no, man.
I'm not getting it.
- Neither am I.
Let the monkey get it.
Well, maybe there's a ten million dollar winner at the next house.
Come on, guys.