Kevin (Probably) Saves the World (2017) s01e15 Episode Script
World's Worst Domino
1 Previously on "Kevin (Probably) Saves the World" I'm a messenger from God.
I'm here to guide and protect you.
The only job you have in life is to build up your spiritual powers through acts of kindness and selflessness.
Oh.
We're not gonna do this again, right? You know, I always thought you guys would get back together someday.
We have the opportunity to help a kid do the second-best prank ever.
Phase One begins with you, Nate.
Distract the security guard, Becky Simpson.
- Let go of the wheel.
- What?! Fear minus death equals? - Thrills.
- Oh, yes! I have something to show you.
Up until now, I thought we were impervious.
You can't tell Kevin any of this.
[ALL SCREAMING.]
[THUD.]
- Oh.
- What happened? Where'd he go? Dave! Dave, come back.
Wait.
Okay.
He got electrocuted.
I saw.
How is that even possible? Yvette, you you have to tell me what's going on.
- I-I'm - [BREATHES DEEPLY.]
Dave Dave has been having some problems.
He got hurt.
- Hurt? How? - [STAMMERS.]
Little things.
He scraped up his leg.
And the the woman in Canada stepped on his foot, but But why didn't you tell me any of this?! Because we didn't want to worry you.
Great job! All right.
All right.
Now you need to pull yourself together.
Okay, okay.
He's embarrassed.
The same thing happened to him when he got hurt in Canada.
He took off.
That's his M.
O.
- [SIGHS.]
- I'll track him down.
Okay, well, then I'm coming with you.
- No.
No.
- Why? You You have plans with Kristin.
Okay, I'll cancel them.
I'll just cancel them.
Because Dave is hiding his stupid head in the sand? Absolutely not.
No.
No, no, no.
This is more important.
Plus, I'm in no shape to go out on the town.
You look good to me.
[GASPS.]
This is new.
And nice.
Whoa.
I feel like a catalogue person.
You also have reservations for two at the best restaurant in Austin.
Oh! Okay.
I know what you're doing.
- You're trying to distract me.
- Me? Yep, just put a shiny thing in front of old Kevin's face, and he - What is that? - Would I do that? - [ENGINE STARTS.]
- I [GASPS.]
Oh, I love Ferraris.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- Ohh! Yeah, you seem like the type.
[JUDAS PRIEST'S "BREAKING THE LAW" PLAYS.]
Oh.
I'm just gonna sit in it.
There I was, completely wasted Whoo-hoo-hoo! [SIGHS.]
You deserve this, Kevin.
Enjoy your night with Kristin, and I will find Dave.
Okay, but we're talking about this later.
Can't wait.
if I live or die - [BREATHES DEEPLY.]
- [ENGINE REVS.]
- [LAUGHS.]
Oh, this is stick shift? Okay.
I'm not really, uh - [ENGINE REVVING.]
- Oh.
All right, I got it.
- [TIRES SCREECH.]
- One minute.
[YAWNS.]
I'm figuring it out! Breaking the law, breaking the law Whoo! Breaking the law, breaking the law - [TIRES SCREECH.]
- Nope.
- [ENGINE REVS.]
- Oh! Okay.
[VEHICLE DEPARTING.]
[SIGHS.]
Wow.
This place is so fancy.
[CHUCKLES.]
Gosh, I-I cannot believe you planned all this.
Right? Me neither.
Oh, and the Ferrari? [LAUGHS.]
That was hilarious.
Yep.
That's pretty much exactly what I was going for.
[LAUGHS.]
First date in almost 20 years.
Yeah.
Wow.
I am so nervous.
Oh! Okay.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm completely freaking out.
- Oh, okay.
Good.
- Yeah.
But I'm glad.
I'm glad because I want to be nervous, 'cause I want to do it right this time.
And You a doing it right this time.
I don't know.
I just I-I always sensed that you were Holding back, like, a big part of yourself, and now you just You seem so open to everything.
Thank you.
I'm glad you think so.
But you should know that there will be lots of times where I will act a little weird, uh, or do weird stuff.
- Obviously.
- But, um But I will never let that part of my life interfere with this.
And that is a a promise.
[ALARM BLARES.]
Whoa! Whoa.
Where is that coming from? What? Where's Where Where's what coming from? [GROANS.]
That alarm! Th Ohh! Where is that coming from? [BLARING CONTINUES.]
Um uh - [BLARING STOPS.]
- Are you okay? - [ALARM BLARES, STOPS.]
- Ooh! - [ALARM BLARES, STOPS.]
- Okay.
Wow.
So Yeah.
Uh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
- I'm fine.
Um - [LAUGHS.]
Just the menu's a little - Loud! - [ALARM BLARING.]
Would you like to see our wine selection? Oh, God! Aah! Nobody hears that sound, huh? - Nobody.
Nobody.
- Wow! You don't hear that? Nobody else hears that noise, huh? Um - [ALARM STOPS.]
- [SIGHS.]
Whoo-oo-hoo.
There it is.
No.
Uh, no wine.
No, thank you.
Please don't open that.
All right.
- [CORK POPS, ALARM BLARES.]
- Oh! [LAUGHS.]
Um, maybe we should do this a different time? NARRATOR: Kerns, Wyoming, is a sleepy little hamlet, a place where you might forget to lock your front door and not lose any sleep over it.
Miriam Welch did just that one quiet evening in August an evening that ended in murder.
- [CREAKING.]
- She'd spent the night knitting a baby blanket for a neighbor, - then prepared for bed.
- [FOOTSTEPS.]
But then Miriam made a decision - that would prove fatal.
- [TV CLICKS OFF.]
Reese? Are you home? All right.
All right, Dave.
I'll say it.
I will say what you want to hear.
But when I do, your ass better show up on that bed.
You got me? [SIGHS.]
We should've told Kevin what was happening with us.
I was wrong.
And you.
Were.
Right.
You were right, Dave, okay? So you can You can stop this nonsense and come back.
You're worrying Kevin.
- [DOOR OPENS.]
- And you're worrying [GASPS.]
[BREATHES SHARPLY.]
[BREATHES SHARPLY.]
You don't have to be afraid.
This isn't This isn't what it looks like.
I'm a friend of Kevin's.
[GASPS.]
Great.
Now I'm the crazy one.
[SIGHS.]
[BIRDS CHIRPING.]
REESE: You got sick? Well, let's just say I had a, um "Splitting headache" and had to end the date early.
Why are you using finger quotes? Because I like it.
[SCOFFS.]
Do you not understand how finger quotes work? "No.
" [DOOR OPENS.]
Okay.
New house rule.
Why? Why do you like rules so much? No more eating upstairs.
I think that we have a rodent problem.
I heard them crawling around last night.
- Ew.
- Way to go, Reese.
Now we all have to suffer because of your irresponsible snacking.
Interesting, because I found this under your bed.
[BOWL CLATTERS.]
And you'll notice that the bowl is completely empty, because I ate the cereal and I drank all the milk.
Responsible snacking.
Huh.
I found this under your pillow.
[SIGHS.]
Okay, fine! You find my stash, okay? I can admit it.
I have a cereal problem.
I love it.
I love it more than you, and I love it way more than you.
I'm having more right now.
What exactly did you hear? Something walking around.
Okay, well, rodents don't walk around.
They They scurry.
- Uhh! - Yeah, but people walk.
Well, there were no people upstairs.
What if it was dead people? Ooh! Ghost people.
- Oh, my God.
What if we have a ghost?! - Ohh! We don't have a ghost, because ghosts do not exist.
Think about it.
This house is old.
We don't know what happened to it or who lived in it before Grandma and Grandpa bought it.
She's right, Aim, actually.
And now that you're saying that, - I remember hearing a tale of murder.
- Oh, God.
Four victims.
Right here.
In this very house.
It was famous.
They called it "The Triple" "Murders, Plus One" after they found the fourth guy later, - but they had already titled it.
- Would you shut up? Shut up, shut up! Just stop eating upstairs, or you're gonna be the fifth victim.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
- Hi.
- Hey.
How's your, um How's your head? Oh, better.
Yes.
- I'm so sorry.
- [LAUGHS.]
Are you free tonight? 'Cause I will make it up to you.
Um, yeah.
I will I will look forward to that - Fantastic.
- Mr.
Finn.
- [SCHOOL BELL RINGS.]
- Oh! Yeah, Ms.
Allen.
Enjoy class.
- Nice to see you.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Hey, Becky.
- Hey.
Uh, how's the security business going? Well, wouldn't really know, 'cause I just got fired.
Oh, man.
That's rough.
Yeah.
It didn't have anything to do with the Freshman Prank happening on your watch, did it? [SCOFFS.]
Well, that didn't help.
[BREATHES DEEPLY.]
I'm so sorry.
Yeah.
Not your fault.
Um You stealing mugs? Uh, no.
These are my mugs.
- Oh, okay.
- I invented them.
I gave them out as Christmas gifts, and nobody wanted them, so I'm taking them back.
Uh, sorry.
You invented a a mug? Uh, no.
It's called a Shot-Mug.
There's a shot glass in each one, so, you know - Oh! Cool.
- Want a little Irish coffee or a little, you know, whiskey in your caffeine? - Shot-Mug.
- Hey! Measures the perfect shot for you.
You know, it might be catchier if you call it a Mugshot.
Those are pictures of criminals.
Sure.
Yeah.
I mean Yeah, you're not wrong.
Um, can I keep this? - Yeah, of course.
- Thanks.
Oh, I wouldn't actually put coffee in it.
- Uh - Why? Well, evidently the hot coffee melts the epoxy used to secure the shot glass to the mug, and it's highly toxic, so - [ALARM BLARING.]
- Okay.
Uh Oh! Um Okay, I can't hear you over this alarm.
- Hold on.
- You can hear that, too? - [BLARING STOPS.]
- Yeah.
It happens all the time.
And I'm the only one who knows how to fix it.
I should just let it ring in their ears forever.
But I won't, because I'm nice.
[SCOFFS.]
Good luck without me, jerks.
So, it's you.
[CHUCKLES.]
- Oh.
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God! That tastes like poison! You checked everywhere? All his usual spots.
Well, what about New Orleans? I bet Dave would like New Orleans.
Looked there, too.
No dice.
Dave's best talent is lying low.
He'll pop up when he's ready.
Where are you going? I [SIGHS.]
I messed up Becky's life, and the Universe wants me to fix it.
Oh.
Why Why Why does this have to be so hard? - What's so hard? - Well, I mean, I help one person and hurt another.
Meanwhile, I can't even go on a date without the Universe paging me.
The Universe is giving you a chance to help someone you wronged.
That's a blessing.
But what if What if I help Becky, and then I hurt someone else? Then you help that person.
It's not complicated.
At all.
[SIGHS.]
Well, I'm I'm making this right.
- I'm getting Becky her job back, so - [DOOR CLOSES.]
POPEIL: Kevin Finn.
Officer Popeil.
Recognized you from the faculty database.
Oh.
I didn't know that I was in the database.
Yeah, I'm just running some standard background checks on everyone at the school, and I kind of have a photographic memory.
Finn, Kevin.
Last four digits of your Social 9612.
- That's all in your mind? - [LAUGHS.]
- Old habits, yeah.
- Wow! 25 years on the job in Austin.
Huh.
I'm the new head of security.
Oh.
Really? Yeah.
Turns out retirement's pretty boring.
Plus, I'm helping my granddaughter pay for nursing school.
- All she wants to do is help people.
- Mm.
Least I can do is help her, right? Yeah.
Yep, that's, uh, really That's a good thing you're doing.
Anyway, I hope to see you around, Mr.
Finn.
Or should I say "Mr.
Funn"? [GASPS.]
I make that joke, too! Great minds.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
[SIGHS.]
- Well, I mean, that guy's a total - No.
I mean, he's He's, like, just so No.
- Oh, my God, he's so nice.
- He is so nice.
I wish he were my dad.
I can't get him fired.
I'll ruin his life and his granddaughter's life, and then all the people whose lives she would've saved because she couldn't become a nurse.
[BREATHES DEEPLY, GROANS.]
I'm like the world's worst domino.
Yeah.
Kind of.
[BIRDS CHIRPING.]
Well [SIGHS.]
no signs of rodents.
Or ghosts.
Yeah, I'm not finding anything either.
I could start opening up the walls.
Let's try an interim step before getting to full-scale destruction.
I found this.
Oh! Reese's old baby monitor.
You can set it up, see if you catch anything.
That's a really good idea.
I also found this.
- My bingo hat.
- [LAUGHS.]
Wait.
You You have a bingo hat? Yeah.
To play bingo in.
What? No, no, no.
I'm keeping this.
I am wearing this to work tomorrow.
- It's a good color on you.
- Bingo! Putting together a goodbye party for Becky was pretty nice.
Awkward, throwing one for someone who was fired.
I-I felt bad for her, so Oh! And you And you invited the guy who took her job.
That's also awkward.
Becky is not your responsibility.
I'm gonna I'm gonna be honest with you.
I'm the reason Becky got fired.
No, you're not.
I'm the mastermind behind this year's Freshman Prank.
I know.
Because it was so good.
Second best ever.
Listen, Becky didn't get fired because of the Freshman Prank.
Sh Wait.
She didn't? Becky is very sweet.
Becky is a terrible security guard.
Like, honestly, just the worst.
She She left the school doors unlocked almost every day in February.
She She set the chem lab on fire just last week.
Well, what was she doing in the chem lab? I was working on this idea I had for a new product.
And apparently it was slightly flammable.
Oh.
Do you invent a lot of things? Yeah.
I have a ton of ideas.
- Hmm.
- You know all that cool stuff that you see on late-night information commercials? Infomercials? No.
Anyway, I watch them all the time.
Like, there's this guy, and he invented this little thing that goes in a shower drain, and it catches hair so you don't get a gross clog.
It's so simple, but it makes someone's life like 1% better.
I want to do that.
Well, what what else have you invented? Oh, well, since you asked [CHUCKLES.]
This is the Mazer.
What does it do? Well, it's the next big thing in self-defense.
It's a stun gun combined with pepper spray.
[BREATHES SHARPLY.]
But here's the problem I encounter any time I try to build any of my ideas.
[MAZER CLICKS.]
It doesn't work.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
You know what, Becky? I think that you were supposed to lose your job so that you could dedicate your time to achieving your real dream of being an inventor.
That sounds stupid.
But I don't know.
Maybe.
I'd love to help you, 'cause maybe together we could build something that actually works.
Oh, my God.
That would be amazing.
Yeah, I Oh! [ELECTRICAL CRACKLING.]
- [GROANING.]
- Oh! [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS.]
Uh Anyone know why there's a square taped on the floor of my bedroom? That's your "privacy zone.
" My My what? Your privacy zone.
It's a 24-inch square that I taped around your bedroom floor where the cameras can't see you.
My what? Did you not notice all the cameras around the house? Or in your room? Okay, uh, new question Why are there cameras? Surveillance.
I plan on capturing these nasty little critters - Or ghosts - That are hiding all over this house.
I'm gonna get rid of them.
Or make ghost friends with them.
Okay, well, um, I don't like it.
And I never gave you permission to install cameras in my room.
I don't need permission.
There's no expectation of privacy under this roof.
- So that That's it? - Mm-hmm.
Just no discussion.
No more privacy for Kevin? It's a very private square, Kevin.
You What about you? You're cool with this? I mean, where's your angst? Where's your teenage rebellion? Privacy is an illusion.
No, it isn't.
Well, you're safe in the bathroom.
Except for anything around the sink, so that's not safe.
That's where I'm naked the most! So how are we helping Becky? Um, are we just not gonna talk about what happened to my head last night? Oh, it was just a dart, Kevin.
- Suck it up.
- You missed it.
You never miss.
You save.
You've saved me from speeding cars and 10-story falls.
- How the heck do you miss a dart? - Look, fine Dave's disappearance has me a bit distracted at the moment.
And we're sure it's not anything more than that? Such as? Well, with everything that's happened with Dave, maybe it's happening to you, too.
Maybe you're on the fritz.
O-On the fritz? [LAUGHS.]
So, what? Wait.
What am I, a-a microwave? No, no, but something is wrong, isn't it? Does this look like I'm on the fritz? [METAL CREAKS.]
[EXHALES SHARPLY.]
Well, no.
Even though I've seen that before.
All right, fine.
I mean, yeah.
Yeah, that's new.
[PUPPIES WHINING.]
[GASPS.]
Fine.
Fine.
Point taken.
Oh, my God.
They're so fluffy! Fritz my ass.
[TRUCK THUDS.]
Wait, but if you can melt a tree, how come you can't find Dave? [SIGHS.]
Because I-I can't sense him anymore.
- What do you mean, sense? - I should be able to feel Dave, and and I can't, and I don't know why.
What about the others? Can they feel him? You know, I haven't asked them.
[SINGSONG VOICE.]
Might be a good idea.
Suppose so.
[PUPPY WHINES.]
[NORMAL VOICE.]
Oh, come on! That's not Didn't even let me say goodbye.
[MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ON STEREO.]
There are a ton of product ideas in here.
It's very impressive.
BECKY: Anything you want to make? Anything jump off the page? Um, [CLEARS THROAT.]
are there any - that you've already tried to build? - Oh, yeah.
Uh, you know, the Shot-Mug, and - Yeah.
- the Mazer.
- So, nothing that works.
- No.
- God, no.
- Okay.
Um One big boy brisket platter for Killer K-Rock Ah, thanks, Ty.
and a honey-glazed, spiral-cut ham Sammy just for the Beck-oning.
Thank you.
[CHUCKLES.]
You guys ever wonder why they call it "Spiral-cut ham" when it's not really cut into a spiral? - Not really.
- Only, like, eight days a week.
Yeah, it's basically false advertising.
Totally.
They get your hopes up - for ham cut into spiral shapes - Yeah.
And then all you get is a boring, flat slice of meat.
Kind of lame.
I think they actually do cut it You'd think Big Ham would have figured this one out by now, right? Yeah.
You know, people have been spiralizing vegetables forever.
I mean, this this feels like an untapped market.
Does it, though? I mean Yeah.
I mean, if you can turn a zucchini into a noodle, why not meat? You just need the right machine.
I'm listening.
Okay.
Okay, picture this Long, succulent, strips of meat like spaghetti, but ham.
I'm picturing it with my mouth right now, - and I like it.
- Okay, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
But how many people could possibly want ham spaghetti? Um, all of them.
That seems a bit high to say all of them.
Every person? Hey, uh, guys? Quick, informal poll Who in here would be interested in a dish that's just like pasta except the pasta is made out of meat? [GASPS.]
We'll call it Pighetti.
Yeah, you know, I'm not sure, but I like the name.
Yeah.
Branding is everything.
Honestly? I've got chills.
Can I sleep over at Zoe's tonight? Uh, yeah, sure, right after you put your clothes away in your room.
Mom, what is up with you? What's up? I just I want you to put your clothes in the hamper.
No, this the cameras all over the place.
I mean, it's overkill, even for you.
Well, call me crazy, but I'd really like to not contract Hantavirus from rats.
This is about more than rats.
- [SIGHS.]
- Whoa.
Look at that.
- What? Where? - Look.
- What? I don't see anything.
- The hallway.
- But I don't see any - Look closer! - [SCREAMS.]
- Oh! [CHUCKLES.]
- Kevin made me do it.
- Yeah.
No, I know.
- It was his idea.
- It's really funny.
- [LAUGHS.]
- You guys are hilarious.
[SNORTING.]
- Aah! - Ohh! You know what? It serves you right.
[GROANS.]
Sorry, Aim, but you can't run from the "Terrible Triple Murders" forever.
- Aah! - Whoa! Wow.
The double-cross.
Masterful.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
Here we are Tool town.
[CHUCKLES.]
With your great idea and my building expertise, we'll have a working prototype in no time.
Thank you so much for helping me.
You know, if this works out, it could be life-changing.
For real? The guy that invented the Slap Chop had enough money to buy a Komodo dragon.
Seems dangerous.
- Yeah, very.
- Um - [LAUGHS.]
- Okay, this looks fancy.
- What does it do? - [CLEARS THROAT.]
Oh, careful.
Yeah.
Yeah, this is an, um Electric saw drill, and, um, it's not for beginners.
[SAW WHIRS.]
See? Yeah.
There's You got to There's tons of torque, so - [CLEARS THROAT.]
- AMY: Kevin, stop touching my stuff.
Put it down.
Ah.
Nosy sister.
One moment, please.
Thank you.
Okay, where was I? This guy got to careful.
- Yeah.
- Um Wow, you're thinning a little bit on top.
Oh, come on! Where are you now? - [GROANS.]
- Hi! - Oh.
- Hey, Becky.
Hey, Amy! You sound good.
Well, thank you.
I love that little jacket.
Oh, this? This is just, like, an old thing.
Okay, we're kind of busy, and we're doing some - Well, it fits great.
- Thank you.
Do you need to borrow some tools? - Can you just - Yeah.
come down here and help us, please? - I call it Pighetti.
- Mm-hmm.
Swine Vines was also in the running.
It's, um Well, it's weird, but it's kind of cool.
You know, if I saw this on a commercial at midnight, I, um, I might drunk buy it.
Yeah.
For $19.
95 plus shipping and handling, of course you would.
Okay, so why do you need Kevin? Don't say it like that.
I know how to do things.
What things? Well Many things.
Okay, like? Many things.
Well, Kevin said he'd help me build the prototype.
Uh I don't think so.
No, no.
Well, I mean, I guess that's kind of obvious now.
- Yeah.
- But Kevin's been really helpful.
I mean, I've kind of been having a rough time lately, and he helped me see that this is a bles and I should just be focusing on my dream.
Heroes come in all shapes and sizes.
Well, I could help you build a prototype, if that would be something that you would be into.
Very into.
And I-I I'll, uh I can, uh, supervise.
[EXHALES SHARPLY.]
This is amazing.
Okay, but before we get started, um I'm so sorry, can I offer you a glass of wine? Uh, yes, but this is my house, so Uh, yeah, I know this is your house.
Red or white? You want one? - Um - I can mix them.
Does she know where the wine is? No, she's never been to our house.
If we apply X- and Y-axis pressure and install a friction-triggered stop, the bone shouldn't be a problem.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
She is so much smarter than you.
I always had a hard time believing you two were related.
Uh, yeah, we're twins, so Oh, God.
I do not see that.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- Thank you.
- You're so welcome.
- So nice.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- You know, my My university is about to have their Innovations Expo.
If I can get this prototype done in time, I bet we could attract some investors.
- You think? - Yeah! You could even get on one of those information commercials.
- Right? - That's not what it's You know what? Forget it.
Amy, you're so awesome.
I've been so down lately.
I lost my job, this guy Nate totally ghosted me Oh, yeah, sounds like you really dodged a bullet.
Oh.
Um, I have to go to the bathroom.
You guys need anything? From the bathroom? Yeah, or, you know, wherever.
I No? Okay.
I'll see you later, then.
Well! So? No No one has seen him, and no one knows where he is.
What does that mean? [SNIFFLES.]
It means [SIGHS.]
I've I've been in denial.
Well, what does that mean? I got a paper cut.
Oh.
Wow.
Just now? No, b-before you left for Canada, and [EXHALES.]
and I got hungry, so Dave and I ate your pizza, and the reason your sister is putting cameras around the house isn't because of rats.
It's because she heard me.
And I lied about it because admitting the truth means Admitting something I don't want to accept.
What What's that? Dave Is dead.
Oh, my God.
I don't I don't know what to do.
This is uncharted territory.
All I know is Dave is gone, and I don't think he's coming back.
Yvette, I'm so sorry.
I'm Uh What What can I do? Sham-wow.
This place is amazing.
I know.
It's cool, right? This expo gets bigger every year.
We need to be at the top of our game.
Hey, Kevin, focus up.
Uh, yeah.
I'm focused.
Um, Becky, at this very Expo, a young man named Mitch Taylor invented a laser that eventually filled an entire house with popcorn.
Okay, stop focusing.
- You're ridiculous.
- What? I'm just building off of your point - that this is a big deal.
- That's not my point.
- Where did you get that was my point? - I'm Dreams come true here.
You guys.
Look at all these products.
What are we doing here? What if my product's not good enough? I Okay, yeah.
Uh, yeah.
There's a lot of stuff here, but who's gonna remember some stupid magic glasses, or, like, a stupid magic neck thing? I might go back and get that neck thing.
Of course you will.
It's amazing.
But, Becky, your idea has something going for it that nobody else's has, okay? It's real weird.
- Real weird.
- Mm-hmm.
And that's gonna cut through the noise.
Yeah.
Yeah.
- It's weird.
You're right.
- See? Okay.
Let's do this! - Okay.
All right.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- Okay, we're in booth 27, so - [CELLPHONE VIBRATES.]
Um Ooh! Okay, Kristin's almost here, so I'm gonna help her, - and then I'll meet you at the booth.
- Okay.
Okay.
Over here 27.
Okay.
Yes! I I-I shouldn't have I shouldn't have done that in front of you.
Done what? Cried.
You can cry in front of me.
How are you feeling? I'm [SIGHS.]
feeling I'm numb.
Yeah, you're You're grieving.
It's a big loss for you.
I-I've never lost anything in my life.
I don't know how to do this.
Hi.
Can I get some help? Hey.
Yeah.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
- [CAR DOOR CLOSES.]
- New car? Uh, it was my Was my mom's.
- Oh.
- But, uh, yeah, it fits all these hams, and I Sure does.
couldn't bring myself to sell it, so - Yeah.
- Yeah.
Um, great.
- Um, hey.
- Yes.
Can I ask your advice on something? Sure.
So, I just, um, found out that one of my old co-workers recently passed away, and Oh, I am so sorry.
Oh, thank you.
Um, I-I didn't actually know him that well, but my friend did, and, um, she's having a really hard time, and I-I just I wish I knew how to help her.
Um Time helps.
I started getting back into my old routine, and then I suddenly found myself doing all these These little things that reminded me of my mom.
I started driving her car to work.
[LAUGHS.]
She used to take this route that took 15 minutes longer, but she liked it because it went past a horse farm.
So, now I take that same route.
[SIGHS.]
Yeah, I-I mean, I guess my advice would be tell your friend to do things that remind her of his life, not his death.
BECKY: Good morning! Hello.
KEVIN: Uh, hello, Expo-goers.
We're here to revolutionize the way you eat.
- Yeah.
- People.
Don't know what you're missing.
- Hey! - Pighetti.
- Anybody? - Hello.
You're missing out.
Good stuff.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Um [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS, FIREWORKS CRACKLE.]
- Whoa.
- Is this you? - Is it - No, it's It's not me.
Is this you? - AMY: Are you doing this? - I [CROWD CHATTERING.]
Yeah.
Yeah, all me.
Surprise.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
[AMPLIFIED VOICE.]
We're here to [EXHALES SHARPLY.]
We're here to introduce the new product that's gonna revolutionize the way that people eat in America.
[AMPLIFIED VOICE.]
Mm-hmm.
Who here loves pasta? [CHUCKLES.]
Yeah, I do, too.
But what's the problem with pasta? Too many carbs.
Too many carbs, and you get that gross carb feeling, so BECKY: Mm-hmm.
If there was only something we can do about this.
Yeah.
That's why I invented the Pighetti.
The Pighetti.
[CHUCKLES.]
It's a simple device that'll make your meal time just a little more enjoyable.
Mm-hmm.
Now, the Pighetti takes the idea of spaghetti and meatballs and combines them into one delicious meal that gets rid of that carby old pasta.
And, actually, it also gets rid of the meatballs.
- Rid of the meatballs.
- But the meat is still I mean, the meat is then It it's the pasta.
It's Yeah, it's pasta.
It's It's meat pasta.
Anyway, who would like to try the first sample? Oh, I-I would! Oh! Cool.
Step right up.
TYLER: So would I! - BECKY: Okay.
- Wonderful.
What an innovative idea.
Thanks! Come on up.
- [DEVICE WHIRRING.]
- KEVIN: Oh, look at that.
Cranks this up for you.
Look at it.
It's delicious.
Just hold on.
Maybe the engineer could speed it up.
Oh.
You want to speed it up a little more than that, though? I can't because this is a precise machine.
Remember all the engineering that it took? - Okay, um - So, I can't.
- How long is it gonna take? - I don't know.
Maybe four minutes.
Four minutes? Um, one second, everybody.
- We'll figure it out.
- Yeah.
We're losing them.
I'm not losing them, you're losing them.
- No, you got to figure something out.
- This is - [WHIRRING INTENSIFIES.]
- Okay.
What happened? It's on low.
Oh.
Oh.
Okay.
Gather around, everyone! - There's enough for everybody! - Oh.
Kevin.
This is great.
Here.
This is not mathematically - Just go with it.
- This is not what it's supposed to do.
- I think this can be dangerous.
- Okay, ev You know what? Everyone Actually, yeah, maybe we should take one or two steps back.
- No.
This is bad.
- Um It won't turn off.
[CROWD GROANS.]
[MACHINE RATTLES, WHIRRING STOPS.]
Hold tight, there's something over here I can't explain these things I feel Becky.
- Hey.
- Um, I'm sorry that this was such a disaster, but don't don't worry, because I'm gonna find an even better expo, and we'll get the Pighetti machine working again, and it'll be great.
Are you okay? I'm great.
This has been really interesting.
But I wrecked your dream.
What? No.
I've never gotten this far before.
And I realized something really big.
- Oh.
- I don't know what I'm doing, like, at all.
I-I wouldn't say that, entirely.
I mean, I have cool ideas, really cool ideas, but, you know, I don't know how to make them into a reality.
Mm.
So I think I'm gonna go back to school.
- Wow.
Really? - Yeah.
I mean, I am just as good as any one of those people at that expo, but now I know what I don't know.
Wow.
That is awesome.
- That is so awesome, Becky.
- Thanks.
You know what? I even know someone who will write a recommendation for you.
Oh, that's so nice.
- You? - [CHUCKLES.]
No, no, no.
My sister.
- Oh, thank God.
- Yeah.
That's so much better than you.
[LAUGHS.]
- Yeah.
- Hmm.
Anyway, it wasn't, you know, a total bust.
I did happen to sell one unit.
- No way.
- Way.
- To who? - It's our newest menu item! Two bowls of hot ham noodles.
- This one's for you, K Through Twelve.
- Yum.
Oh, wow.
Thanks.
And, Becky, that was amazing.
Oh, my Gosh.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I would've bought anything.
- Really? - Yeah.
- I'm gonna give this to - So sweet.
Okay, yeah.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION.]
[EXHALES SHARPLY.]
I hope you're hungry.
- Not for that - It's all for you.
- ever - Why not? - so I'm just gonna - Oh, come on.
- Thank you, though.
Thank you.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- Hi.
- [BECKY LAUGHS.]
Ooh! What's, uh What's going on over there? Looks like a little bit of flirting.
Yeah.
Um, maybe I don't always screw things all the way up.
Are you kidding? You help one person, and then that sets off this chain reaction, and then you help him and her, and And who knows how how many more? So I'm like the world's best domino.
I mean you're all right.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Wow.
- Um - Yeah.
- Mm.
- Well [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO.]
I know - [BUTTON CLICKS.]
- [CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS.]
- [BUTTON CLICKS.]
- [TECHNO MUSIC PLAYS.]
- [BUTTON CLICKS.]
- [MID-TEMPO ROCK MUSIC PLAYS.]
[TIRES SCREECH.]
It's up for me If you steal my sunshine Making sure I'm not in too deep If you steal my sunshine [TOOL WHIRS.]
- If you steal my sunshine - [GASPS.]
[SIGHS.]
So, I got my vision.
[EXHALES SHARPLY.]
It was, uh - It was terrifying.
- What What did you see? I was dead, in a body bag, and some dude almost sawed my chest open.
[SIGHS.]
That sounds That sounds awful.
And I-I woke up.
And I found a pig noodle behind my ear that I guess I missed.
I'm I'm sorry I made the ham thing explode.
I [SIGHS.]
I guess only Dave can be can be Dave.
Heh.
Do you feel any better? I'm Um, I'm feeling guilty and selfish.
Why? Because when I realized what happened to Dave, when When I realized he was dead, my first thought was for myself because if this can happen to him, it can happen to me.
I don't I don't know what to do.
I'm I'm awf I'm awful.
No.
No, no, no.
You're you're normal.
Oh, that that That doesn't help.
Why? Normal is Normal's great.
[SIGHS.]
Kevin, this may never happen again, but I'm gonna ask your advice.
What do I do to feel better? [INHALES DEEPLY.]
You know what to do.
Breaking the law, breaking the law Whoo-hoo! Breaking the law, breaking the law Oh! This is for you, Dave! - [LAUGHS.]
- Dave! Breaking the law, breaking the law Whoo! Breaking the law, breaking the law KEVIN: It's a stick shift, you know? I mean, I just don't know how to put it into first or into reverse, but then once I get going it's, um Hmm.
Amy? Reese? Anyone home? Oh.
- AMY: Yell.
Yaah! - [SCREAMING.]
[BOTH LAUGH.]
- Oh, I got you.
- No, you didn't get me.
- Yes, we did.
- You didn't get me.
- We got you on four cameras.
- Let's go watch it.
- Okay.
- No.
You didn't get me, guys.
Oh, we did Four cameras.
Oh, God, you got me.
- Yaah! - [SCREAMING.]
[BOTH LAUGH.]
- [LAUGHS.]
- Oh, my God.
KEVIN: You didn't get me.
- Oh.
Give me another angle.
- Okay.
I want to see his face go from dumb to scared.
- You didn't get me, though.
Got you! - We got you! Um, Amy? - Reese? - Wait, what was that? I don't know.
I'm here to guide and protect you.
The only job you have in life is to build up your spiritual powers through acts of kindness and selflessness.
Oh.
We're not gonna do this again, right? You know, I always thought you guys would get back together someday.
We have the opportunity to help a kid do the second-best prank ever.
Phase One begins with you, Nate.
Distract the security guard, Becky Simpson.
- Let go of the wheel.
- What?! Fear minus death equals? - Thrills.
- Oh, yes! I have something to show you.
Up until now, I thought we were impervious.
You can't tell Kevin any of this.
[ALL SCREAMING.]
[THUD.]
- Oh.
- What happened? Where'd he go? Dave! Dave, come back.
Wait.
Okay.
He got electrocuted.
I saw.
How is that even possible? Yvette, you you have to tell me what's going on.
- I-I'm - [BREATHES DEEPLY.]
Dave Dave has been having some problems.
He got hurt.
- Hurt? How? - [STAMMERS.]
Little things.
He scraped up his leg.
And the the woman in Canada stepped on his foot, but But why didn't you tell me any of this?! Because we didn't want to worry you.
Great job! All right.
All right.
Now you need to pull yourself together.
Okay, okay.
He's embarrassed.
The same thing happened to him when he got hurt in Canada.
He took off.
That's his M.
O.
- [SIGHS.]
- I'll track him down.
Okay, well, then I'm coming with you.
- No.
No.
- Why? You You have plans with Kristin.
Okay, I'll cancel them.
I'll just cancel them.
Because Dave is hiding his stupid head in the sand? Absolutely not.
No.
No, no, no.
This is more important.
Plus, I'm in no shape to go out on the town.
You look good to me.
[GASPS.]
This is new.
And nice.
Whoa.
I feel like a catalogue person.
You also have reservations for two at the best restaurant in Austin.
Oh! Okay.
I know what you're doing.
- You're trying to distract me.
- Me? Yep, just put a shiny thing in front of old Kevin's face, and he - What is that? - Would I do that? - [ENGINE STARTS.]
- I [GASPS.]
Oh, I love Ferraris.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- Ohh! Yeah, you seem like the type.
[JUDAS PRIEST'S "BREAKING THE LAW" PLAYS.]
Oh.
I'm just gonna sit in it.
There I was, completely wasted Whoo-hoo-hoo! [SIGHS.]
You deserve this, Kevin.
Enjoy your night with Kristin, and I will find Dave.
Okay, but we're talking about this later.
Can't wait.
if I live or die - [BREATHES DEEPLY.]
- [ENGINE REVS.]
- [LAUGHS.]
Oh, this is stick shift? Okay.
I'm not really, uh - [ENGINE REVVING.]
- Oh.
All right, I got it.
- [TIRES SCREECH.]
- One minute.
[YAWNS.]
I'm figuring it out! Breaking the law, breaking the law Whoo! Breaking the law, breaking the law - [TIRES SCREECH.]
- Nope.
- [ENGINE REVS.]
- Oh! Okay.
[VEHICLE DEPARTING.]
[SIGHS.]
Wow.
This place is so fancy.
[CHUCKLES.]
Gosh, I-I cannot believe you planned all this.
Right? Me neither.
Oh, and the Ferrari? [LAUGHS.]
That was hilarious.
Yep.
That's pretty much exactly what I was going for.
[LAUGHS.]
First date in almost 20 years.
Yeah.
Wow.
I am so nervous.
Oh! Okay.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm completely freaking out.
- Oh, okay.
Good.
- Yeah.
But I'm glad.
I'm glad because I want to be nervous, 'cause I want to do it right this time.
And You a doing it right this time.
I don't know.
I just I-I always sensed that you were Holding back, like, a big part of yourself, and now you just You seem so open to everything.
Thank you.
I'm glad you think so.
But you should know that there will be lots of times where I will act a little weird, uh, or do weird stuff.
- Obviously.
- But, um But I will never let that part of my life interfere with this.
And that is a a promise.
[ALARM BLARES.]
Whoa! Whoa.
Where is that coming from? What? Where's Where Where's what coming from? [GROANS.]
That alarm! Th Ohh! Where is that coming from? [BLARING CONTINUES.]
Um uh - [BLARING STOPS.]
- Are you okay? - [ALARM BLARES, STOPS.]
- Ooh! - [ALARM BLARES, STOPS.]
- Okay.
Wow.
So Yeah.
Uh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
- I'm fine.
Um - [LAUGHS.]
Just the menu's a little - Loud! - [ALARM BLARING.]
Would you like to see our wine selection? Oh, God! Aah! Nobody hears that sound, huh? - Nobody.
Nobody.
- Wow! You don't hear that? Nobody else hears that noise, huh? Um - [ALARM STOPS.]
- [SIGHS.]
Whoo-oo-hoo.
There it is.
No.
Uh, no wine.
No, thank you.
Please don't open that.
All right.
- [CORK POPS, ALARM BLARES.]
- Oh! [LAUGHS.]
Um, maybe we should do this a different time? NARRATOR: Kerns, Wyoming, is a sleepy little hamlet, a place where you might forget to lock your front door and not lose any sleep over it.
Miriam Welch did just that one quiet evening in August an evening that ended in murder.
- [CREAKING.]
- She'd spent the night knitting a baby blanket for a neighbor, - then prepared for bed.
- [FOOTSTEPS.]
But then Miriam made a decision - that would prove fatal.
- [TV CLICKS OFF.]
Reese? Are you home? All right.
All right, Dave.
I'll say it.
I will say what you want to hear.
But when I do, your ass better show up on that bed.
You got me? [SIGHS.]
We should've told Kevin what was happening with us.
I was wrong.
And you.
Were.
Right.
You were right, Dave, okay? So you can You can stop this nonsense and come back.
You're worrying Kevin.
- [DOOR OPENS.]
- And you're worrying [GASPS.]
[BREATHES SHARPLY.]
[BREATHES SHARPLY.]
You don't have to be afraid.
This isn't This isn't what it looks like.
I'm a friend of Kevin's.
[GASPS.]
Great.
Now I'm the crazy one.
[SIGHS.]
[BIRDS CHIRPING.]
REESE: You got sick? Well, let's just say I had a, um "Splitting headache" and had to end the date early.
Why are you using finger quotes? Because I like it.
[SCOFFS.]
Do you not understand how finger quotes work? "No.
" [DOOR OPENS.]
Okay.
New house rule.
Why? Why do you like rules so much? No more eating upstairs.
I think that we have a rodent problem.
I heard them crawling around last night.
- Ew.
- Way to go, Reese.
Now we all have to suffer because of your irresponsible snacking.
Interesting, because I found this under your bed.
[BOWL CLATTERS.]
And you'll notice that the bowl is completely empty, because I ate the cereal and I drank all the milk.
Responsible snacking.
Huh.
I found this under your pillow.
[SIGHS.]
Okay, fine! You find my stash, okay? I can admit it.
I have a cereal problem.
I love it.
I love it more than you, and I love it way more than you.
I'm having more right now.
What exactly did you hear? Something walking around.
Okay, well, rodents don't walk around.
They They scurry.
- Uhh! - Yeah, but people walk.
Well, there were no people upstairs.
What if it was dead people? Ooh! Ghost people.
- Oh, my God.
What if we have a ghost?! - Ohh! We don't have a ghost, because ghosts do not exist.
Think about it.
This house is old.
We don't know what happened to it or who lived in it before Grandma and Grandpa bought it.
She's right, Aim, actually.
And now that you're saying that, - I remember hearing a tale of murder.
- Oh, God.
Four victims.
Right here.
In this very house.
It was famous.
They called it "The Triple" "Murders, Plus One" after they found the fourth guy later, - but they had already titled it.
- Would you shut up? Shut up, shut up! Just stop eating upstairs, or you're gonna be the fifth victim.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
- Hi.
- Hey.
How's your, um How's your head? Oh, better.
Yes.
- I'm so sorry.
- [LAUGHS.]
Are you free tonight? 'Cause I will make it up to you.
Um, yeah.
I will I will look forward to that - Fantastic.
- Mr.
Finn.
- [SCHOOL BELL RINGS.]
- Oh! Yeah, Ms.
Allen.
Enjoy class.
- Nice to see you.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Hey, Becky.
- Hey.
Uh, how's the security business going? Well, wouldn't really know, 'cause I just got fired.
Oh, man.
That's rough.
Yeah.
It didn't have anything to do with the Freshman Prank happening on your watch, did it? [SCOFFS.]
Well, that didn't help.
[BREATHES DEEPLY.]
I'm so sorry.
Yeah.
Not your fault.
Um You stealing mugs? Uh, no.
These are my mugs.
- Oh, okay.
- I invented them.
I gave them out as Christmas gifts, and nobody wanted them, so I'm taking them back.
Uh, sorry.
You invented a a mug? Uh, no.
It's called a Shot-Mug.
There's a shot glass in each one, so, you know - Oh! Cool.
- Want a little Irish coffee or a little, you know, whiskey in your caffeine? - Shot-Mug.
- Hey! Measures the perfect shot for you.
You know, it might be catchier if you call it a Mugshot.
Those are pictures of criminals.
Sure.
Yeah.
I mean Yeah, you're not wrong.
Um, can I keep this? - Yeah, of course.
- Thanks.
Oh, I wouldn't actually put coffee in it.
- Uh - Why? Well, evidently the hot coffee melts the epoxy used to secure the shot glass to the mug, and it's highly toxic, so - [ALARM BLARING.]
- Okay.
Uh Oh! Um Okay, I can't hear you over this alarm.
- Hold on.
- You can hear that, too? - [BLARING STOPS.]
- Yeah.
It happens all the time.
And I'm the only one who knows how to fix it.
I should just let it ring in their ears forever.
But I won't, because I'm nice.
[SCOFFS.]
Good luck without me, jerks.
So, it's you.
[CHUCKLES.]
- Oh.
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God! That tastes like poison! You checked everywhere? All his usual spots.
Well, what about New Orleans? I bet Dave would like New Orleans.
Looked there, too.
No dice.
Dave's best talent is lying low.
He'll pop up when he's ready.
Where are you going? I [SIGHS.]
I messed up Becky's life, and the Universe wants me to fix it.
Oh.
Why Why Why does this have to be so hard? - What's so hard? - Well, I mean, I help one person and hurt another.
Meanwhile, I can't even go on a date without the Universe paging me.
The Universe is giving you a chance to help someone you wronged.
That's a blessing.
But what if What if I help Becky, and then I hurt someone else? Then you help that person.
It's not complicated.
At all.
[SIGHS.]
Well, I'm I'm making this right.
- I'm getting Becky her job back, so - [DOOR CLOSES.]
POPEIL: Kevin Finn.
Officer Popeil.
Recognized you from the faculty database.
Oh.
I didn't know that I was in the database.
Yeah, I'm just running some standard background checks on everyone at the school, and I kind of have a photographic memory.
Finn, Kevin.
Last four digits of your Social 9612.
- That's all in your mind? - [LAUGHS.]
- Old habits, yeah.
- Wow! 25 years on the job in Austin.
Huh.
I'm the new head of security.
Oh.
Really? Yeah.
Turns out retirement's pretty boring.
Plus, I'm helping my granddaughter pay for nursing school.
- All she wants to do is help people.
- Mm.
Least I can do is help her, right? Yeah.
Yep, that's, uh, really That's a good thing you're doing.
Anyway, I hope to see you around, Mr.
Finn.
Or should I say "Mr.
Funn"? [GASPS.]
I make that joke, too! Great minds.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
[SIGHS.]
- Well, I mean, that guy's a total - No.
I mean, he's He's, like, just so No.
- Oh, my God, he's so nice.
- He is so nice.
I wish he were my dad.
I can't get him fired.
I'll ruin his life and his granddaughter's life, and then all the people whose lives she would've saved because she couldn't become a nurse.
[BREATHES DEEPLY, GROANS.]
I'm like the world's worst domino.
Yeah.
Kind of.
[BIRDS CHIRPING.]
Well [SIGHS.]
no signs of rodents.
Or ghosts.
Yeah, I'm not finding anything either.
I could start opening up the walls.
Let's try an interim step before getting to full-scale destruction.
I found this.
Oh! Reese's old baby monitor.
You can set it up, see if you catch anything.
That's a really good idea.
I also found this.
- My bingo hat.
- [LAUGHS.]
Wait.
You You have a bingo hat? Yeah.
To play bingo in.
What? No, no, no.
I'm keeping this.
I am wearing this to work tomorrow.
- It's a good color on you.
- Bingo! Putting together a goodbye party for Becky was pretty nice.
Awkward, throwing one for someone who was fired.
I-I felt bad for her, so Oh! And you And you invited the guy who took her job.
That's also awkward.
Becky is not your responsibility.
I'm gonna I'm gonna be honest with you.
I'm the reason Becky got fired.
No, you're not.
I'm the mastermind behind this year's Freshman Prank.
I know.
Because it was so good.
Second best ever.
Listen, Becky didn't get fired because of the Freshman Prank.
Sh Wait.
She didn't? Becky is very sweet.
Becky is a terrible security guard.
Like, honestly, just the worst.
She She left the school doors unlocked almost every day in February.
She She set the chem lab on fire just last week.
Well, what was she doing in the chem lab? I was working on this idea I had for a new product.
And apparently it was slightly flammable.
Oh.
Do you invent a lot of things? Yeah.
I have a ton of ideas.
- Hmm.
- You know all that cool stuff that you see on late-night information commercials? Infomercials? No.
Anyway, I watch them all the time.
Like, there's this guy, and he invented this little thing that goes in a shower drain, and it catches hair so you don't get a gross clog.
It's so simple, but it makes someone's life like 1% better.
I want to do that.
Well, what what else have you invented? Oh, well, since you asked [CHUCKLES.]
This is the Mazer.
What does it do? Well, it's the next big thing in self-defense.
It's a stun gun combined with pepper spray.
[BREATHES SHARPLY.]
But here's the problem I encounter any time I try to build any of my ideas.
[MAZER CLICKS.]
It doesn't work.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
You know what, Becky? I think that you were supposed to lose your job so that you could dedicate your time to achieving your real dream of being an inventor.
That sounds stupid.
But I don't know.
Maybe.
I'd love to help you, 'cause maybe together we could build something that actually works.
Oh, my God.
That would be amazing.
Yeah, I Oh! [ELECTRICAL CRACKLING.]
- [GROANING.]
- Oh! [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS.]
Uh Anyone know why there's a square taped on the floor of my bedroom? That's your "privacy zone.
" My My what? Your privacy zone.
It's a 24-inch square that I taped around your bedroom floor where the cameras can't see you.
My what? Did you not notice all the cameras around the house? Or in your room? Okay, uh, new question Why are there cameras? Surveillance.
I plan on capturing these nasty little critters - Or ghosts - That are hiding all over this house.
I'm gonna get rid of them.
Or make ghost friends with them.
Okay, well, um, I don't like it.
And I never gave you permission to install cameras in my room.
I don't need permission.
There's no expectation of privacy under this roof.
- So that That's it? - Mm-hmm.
Just no discussion.
No more privacy for Kevin? It's a very private square, Kevin.
You What about you? You're cool with this? I mean, where's your angst? Where's your teenage rebellion? Privacy is an illusion.
No, it isn't.
Well, you're safe in the bathroom.
Except for anything around the sink, so that's not safe.
That's where I'm naked the most! So how are we helping Becky? Um, are we just not gonna talk about what happened to my head last night? Oh, it was just a dart, Kevin.
- Suck it up.
- You missed it.
You never miss.
You save.
You've saved me from speeding cars and 10-story falls.
- How the heck do you miss a dart? - Look, fine Dave's disappearance has me a bit distracted at the moment.
And we're sure it's not anything more than that? Such as? Well, with everything that's happened with Dave, maybe it's happening to you, too.
Maybe you're on the fritz.
O-On the fritz? [LAUGHS.]
So, what? Wait.
What am I, a-a microwave? No, no, but something is wrong, isn't it? Does this look like I'm on the fritz? [METAL CREAKS.]
[EXHALES SHARPLY.]
Well, no.
Even though I've seen that before.
All right, fine.
I mean, yeah.
Yeah, that's new.
[PUPPIES WHINING.]
[GASPS.]
Fine.
Fine.
Point taken.
Oh, my God.
They're so fluffy! Fritz my ass.
[TRUCK THUDS.]
Wait, but if you can melt a tree, how come you can't find Dave? [SIGHS.]
Because I-I can't sense him anymore.
- What do you mean, sense? - I should be able to feel Dave, and and I can't, and I don't know why.
What about the others? Can they feel him? You know, I haven't asked them.
[SINGSONG VOICE.]
Might be a good idea.
Suppose so.
[PUPPY WHINES.]
[NORMAL VOICE.]
Oh, come on! That's not Didn't even let me say goodbye.
[MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ON STEREO.]
There are a ton of product ideas in here.
It's very impressive.
BECKY: Anything you want to make? Anything jump off the page? Um, [CLEARS THROAT.]
are there any - that you've already tried to build? - Oh, yeah.
Uh, you know, the Shot-Mug, and - Yeah.
- the Mazer.
- So, nothing that works.
- No.
- God, no.
- Okay.
Um One big boy brisket platter for Killer K-Rock Ah, thanks, Ty.
and a honey-glazed, spiral-cut ham Sammy just for the Beck-oning.
Thank you.
[CHUCKLES.]
You guys ever wonder why they call it "Spiral-cut ham" when it's not really cut into a spiral? - Not really.
- Only, like, eight days a week.
Yeah, it's basically false advertising.
Totally.
They get your hopes up - for ham cut into spiral shapes - Yeah.
And then all you get is a boring, flat slice of meat.
Kind of lame.
I think they actually do cut it You'd think Big Ham would have figured this one out by now, right? Yeah.
You know, people have been spiralizing vegetables forever.
I mean, this this feels like an untapped market.
Does it, though? I mean Yeah.
I mean, if you can turn a zucchini into a noodle, why not meat? You just need the right machine.
I'm listening.
Okay.
Okay, picture this Long, succulent, strips of meat like spaghetti, but ham.
I'm picturing it with my mouth right now, - and I like it.
- Okay, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
But how many people could possibly want ham spaghetti? Um, all of them.
That seems a bit high to say all of them.
Every person? Hey, uh, guys? Quick, informal poll Who in here would be interested in a dish that's just like pasta except the pasta is made out of meat? [GASPS.]
We'll call it Pighetti.
Yeah, you know, I'm not sure, but I like the name.
Yeah.
Branding is everything.
Honestly? I've got chills.
Can I sleep over at Zoe's tonight? Uh, yeah, sure, right after you put your clothes away in your room.
Mom, what is up with you? What's up? I just I want you to put your clothes in the hamper.
No, this the cameras all over the place.
I mean, it's overkill, even for you.
Well, call me crazy, but I'd really like to not contract Hantavirus from rats.
This is about more than rats.
- [SIGHS.]
- Whoa.
Look at that.
- What? Where? - Look.
- What? I don't see anything.
- The hallway.
- But I don't see any - Look closer! - [SCREAMS.]
- Oh! [CHUCKLES.]
- Kevin made me do it.
- Yeah.
No, I know.
- It was his idea.
- It's really funny.
- [LAUGHS.]
- You guys are hilarious.
[SNORTING.]
- Aah! - Ohh! You know what? It serves you right.
[GROANS.]
Sorry, Aim, but you can't run from the "Terrible Triple Murders" forever.
- Aah! - Whoa! Wow.
The double-cross.
Masterful.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
Here we are Tool town.
[CHUCKLES.]
With your great idea and my building expertise, we'll have a working prototype in no time.
Thank you so much for helping me.
You know, if this works out, it could be life-changing.
For real? The guy that invented the Slap Chop had enough money to buy a Komodo dragon.
Seems dangerous.
- Yeah, very.
- Um - [LAUGHS.]
- Okay, this looks fancy.
- What does it do? - [CLEARS THROAT.]
Oh, careful.
Yeah.
Yeah, this is an, um Electric saw drill, and, um, it's not for beginners.
[SAW WHIRS.]
See? Yeah.
There's You got to There's tons of torque, so - [CLEARS THROAT.]
- AMY: Kevin, stop touching my stuff.
Put it down.
Ah.
Nosy sister.
One moment, please.
Thank you.
Okay, where was I? This guy got to careful.
- Yeah.
- Um Wow, you're thinning a little bit on top.
Oh, come on! Where are you now? - [GROANS.]
- Hi! - Oh.
- Hey, Becky.
Hey, Amy! You sound good.
Well, thank you.
I love that little jacket.
Oh, this? This is just, like, an old thing.
Okay, we're kind of busy, and we're doing some - Well, it fits great.
- Thank you.
Do you need to borrow some tools? - Can you just - Yeah.
come down here and help us, please? - I call it Pighetti.
- Mm-hmm.
Swine Vines was also in the running.
It's, um Well, it's weird, but it's kind of cool.
You know, if I saw this on a commercial at midnight, I, um, I might drunk buy it.
Yeah.
For $19.
95 plus shipping and handling, of course you would.
Okay, so why do you need Kevin? Don't say it like that.
I know how to do things.
What things? Well Many things.
Okay, like? Many things.
Well, Kevin said he'd help me build the prototype.
Uh I don't think so.
No, no.
Well, I mean, I guess that's kind of obvious now.
- Yeah.
- But Kevin's been really helpful.
I mean, I've kind of been having a rough time lately, and he helped me see that this is a bles and I should just be focusing on my dream.
Heroes come in all shapes and sizes.
Well, I could help you build a prototype, if that would be something that you would be into.
Very into.
And I-I I'll, uh I can, uh, supervise.
[EXHALES SHARPLY.]
This is amazing.
Okay, but before we get started, um I'm so sorry, can I offer you a glass of wine? Uh, yes, but this is my house, so Uh, yeah, I know this is your house.
Red or white? You want one? - Um - I can mix them.
Does she know where the wine is? No, she's never been to our house.
If we apply X- and Y-axis pressure and install a friction-triggered stop, the bone shouldn't be a problem.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
She is so much smarter than you.
I always had a hard time believing you two were related.
Uh, yeah, we're twins, so Oh, God.
I do not see that.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- Thank you.
- You're so welcome.
- So nice.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- You know, my My university is about to have their Innovations Expo.
If I can get this prototype done in time, I bet we could attract some investors.
- You think? - Yeah! You could even get on one of those information commercials.
- Right? - That's not what it's You know what? Forget it.
Amy, you're so awesome.
I've been so down lately.
I lost my job, this guy Nate totally ghosted me Oh, yeah, sounds like you really dodged a bullet.
Oh.
Um, I have to go to the bathroom.
You guys need anything? From the bathroom? Yeah, or, you know, wherever.
I No? Okay.
I'll see you later, then.
Well! So? No No one has seen him, and no one knows where he is.
What does that mean? [SNIFFLES.]
It means [SIGHS.]
I've I've been in denial.
Well, what does that mean? I got a paper cut.
Oh.
Wow.
Just now? No, b-before you left for Canada, and [EXHALES.]
and I got hungry, so Dave and I ate your pizza, and the reason your sister is putting cameras around the house isn't because of rats.
It's because she heard me.
And I lied about it because admitting the truth means Admitting something I don't want to accept.
What What's that? Dave Is dead.
Oh, my God.
I don't I don't know what to do.
This is uncharted territory.
All I know is Dave is gone, and I don't think he's coming back.
Yvette, I'm so sorry.
I'm Uh What What can I do? Sham-wow.
This place is amazing.
I know.
It's cool, right? This expo gets bigger every year.
We need to be at the top of our game.
Hey, Kevin, focus up.
Uh, yeah.
I'm focused.
Um, Becky, at this very Expo, a young man named Mitch Taylor invented a laser that eventually filled an entire house with popcorn.
Okay, stop focusing.
- You're ridiculous.
- What? I'm just building off of your point - that this is a big deal.
- That's not my point.
- Where did you get that was my point? - I'm Dreams come true here.
You guys.
Look at all these products.
What are we doing here? What if my product's not good enough? I Okay, yeah.
Uh, yeah.
There's a lot of stuff here, but who's gonna remember some stupid magic glasses, or, like, a stupid magic neck thing? I might go back and get that neck thing.
Of course you will.
It's amazing.
But, Becky, your idea has something going for it that nobody else's has, okay? It's real weird.
- Real weird.
- Mm-hmm.
And that's gonna cut through the noise.
Yeah.
Yeah.
- It's weird.
You're right.
- See? Okay.
Let's do this! - Okay.
All right.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- Okay, we're in booth 27, so - [CELLPHONE VIBRATES.]
Um Ooh! Okay, Kristin's almost here, so I'm gonna help her, - and then I'll meet you at the booth.
- Okay.
Okay.
Over here 27.
Okay.
Yes! I I-I shouldn't have I shouldn't have done that in front of you.
Done what? Cried.
You can cry in front of me.
How are you feeling? I'm [SIGHS.]
feeling I'm numb.
Yeah, you're You're grieving.
It's a big loss for you.
I-I've never lost anything in my life.
I don't know how to do this.
Hi.
Can I get some help? Hey.
Yeah.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
- [CAR DOOR CLOSES.]
- New car? Uh, it was my Was my mom's.
- Oh.
- But, uh, yeah, it fits all these hams, and I Sure does.
couldn't bring myself to sell it, so - Yeah.
- Yeah.
Um, great.
- Um, hey.
- Yes.
Can I ask your advice on something? Sure.
So, I just, um, found out that one of my old co-workers recently passed away, and Oh, I am so sorry.
Oh, thank you.
Um, I-I didn't actually know him that well, but my friend did, and, um, she's having a really hard time, and I-I just I wish I knew how to help her.
Um Time helps.
I started getting back into my old routine, and then I suddenly found myself doing all these These little things that reminded me of my mom.
I started driving her car to work.
[LAUGHS.]
She used to take this route that took 15 minutes longer, but she liked it because it went past a horse farm.
So, now I take that same route.
[SIGHS.]
Yeah, I-I mean, I guess my advice would be tell your friend to do things that remind her of his life, not his death.
BECKY: Good morning! Hello.
KEVIN: Uh, hello, Expo-goers.
We're here to revolutionize the way you eat.
- Yeah.
- People.
Don't know what you're missing.
- Hey! - Pighetti.
- Anybody? - Hello.
You're missing out.
Good stuff.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Um [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS, FIREWORKS CRACKLE.]
- Whoa.
- Is this you? - Is it - No, it's It's not me.
Is this you? - AMY: Are you doing this? - I [CROWD CHATTERING.]
Yeah.
Yeah, all me.
Surprise.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
[AMPLIFIED VOICE.]
We're here to [EXHALES SHARPLY.]
We're here to introduce the new product that's gonna revolutionize the way that people eat in America.
[AMPLIFIED VOICE.]
Mm-hmm.
Who here loves pasta? [CHUCKLES.]
Yeah, I do, too.
But what's the problem with pasta? Too many carbs.
Too many carbs, and you get that gross carb feeling, so BECKY: Mm-hmm.
If there was only something we can do about this.
Yeah.
That's why I invented the Pighetti.
The Pighetti.
[CHUCKLES.]
It's a simple device that'll make your meal time just a little more enjoyable.
Mm-hmm.
Now, the Pighetti takes the idea of spaghetti and meatballs and combines them into one delicious meal that gets rid of that carby old pasta.
And, actually, it also gets rid of the meatballs.
- Rid of the meatballs.
- But the meat is still I mean, the meat is then It it's the pasta.
It's Yeah, it's pasta.
It's It's meat pasta.
Anyway, who would like to try the first sample? Oh, I-I would! Oh! Cool.
Step right up.
TYLER: So would I! - BECKY: Okay.
- Wonderful.
What an innovative idea.
Thanks! Come on up.
- [DEVICE WHIRRING.]
- KEVIN: Oh, look at that.
Cranks this up for you.
Look at it.
It's delicious.
Just hold on.
Maybe the engineer could speed it up.
Oh.
You want to speed it up a little more than that, though? I can't because this is a precise machine.
Remember all the engineering that it took? - Okay, um - So, I can't.
- How long is it gonna take? - I don't know.
Maybe four minutes.
Four minutes? Um, one second, everybody.
- We'll figure it out.
- Yeah.
We're losing them.
I'm not losing them, you're losing them.
- No, you got to figure something out.
- This is - [WHIRRING INTENSIFIES.]
- Okay.
What happened? It's on low.
Oh.
Oh.
Okay.
Gather around, everyone! - There's enough for everybody! - Oh.
Kevin.
This is great.
Here.
This is not mathematically - Just go with it.
- This is not what it's supposed to do.
- I think this can be dangerous.
- Okay, ev You know what? Everyone Actually, yeah, maybe we should take one or two steps back.
- No.
This is bad.
- Um It won't turn off.
[CROWD GROANS.]
[MACHINE RATTLES, WHIRRING STOPS.]
Hold tight, there's something over here I can't explain these things I feel Becky.
- Hey.
- Um, I'm sorry that this was such a disaster, but don't don't worry, because I'm gonna find an even better expo, and we'll get the Pighetti machine working again, and it'll be great.
Are you okay? I'm great.
This has been really interesting.
But I wrecked your dream.
What? No.
I've never gotten this far before.
And I realized something really big.
- Oh.
- I don't know what I'm doing, like, at all.
I-I wouldn't say that, entirely.
I mean, I have cool ideas, really cool ideas, but, you know, I don't know how to make them into a reality.
Mm.
So I think I'm gonna go back to school.
- Wow.
Really? - Yeah.
I mean, I am just as good as any one of those people at that expo, but now I know what I don't know.
Wow.
That is awesome.
- That is so awesome, Becky.
- Thanks.
You know what? I even know someone who will write a recommendation for you.
Oh, that's so nice.
- You? - [CHUCKLES.]
No, no, no.
My sister.
- Oh, thank God.
- Yeah.
That's so much better than you.
[LAUGHS.]
- Yeah.
- Hmm.
Anyway, it wasn't, you know, a total bust.
I did happen to sell one unit.
- No way.
- Way.
- To who? - It's our newest menu item! Two bowls of hot ham noodles.
- This one's for you, K Through Twelve.
- Yum.
Oh, wow.
Thanks.
And, Becky, that was amazing.
Oh, my Gosh.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I would've bought anything.
- Really? - Yeah.
- I'm gonna give this to - So sweet.
Okay, yeah.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION.]
[EXHALES SHARPLY.]
I hope you're hungry.
- Not for that - It's all for you.
- ever - Why not? - so I'm just gonna - Oh, come on.
- Thank you, though.
Thank you.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- Hi.
- [BECKY LAUGHS.]
Ooh! What's, uh What's going on over there? Looks like a little bit of flirting.
Yeah.
Um, maybe I don't always screw things all the way up.
Are you kidding? You help one person, and then that sets off this chain reaction, and then you help him and her, and And who knows how how many more? So I'm like the world's best domino.
I mean you're all right.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Wow.
- Um - Yeah.
- Mm.
- Well [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO.]
I know - [BUTTON CLICKS.]
- [CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS.]
- [BUTTON CLICKS.]
- [TECHNO MUSIC PLAYS.]
- [BUTTON CLICKS.]
- [MID-TEMPO ROCK MUSIC PLAYS.]
[TIRES SCREECH.]
It's up for me If you steal my sunshine Making sure I'm not in too deep If you steal my sunshine [TOOL WHIRS.]
- If you steal my sunshine - [GASPS.]
[SIGHS.]
So, I got my vision.
[EXHALES SHARPLY.]
It was, uh - It was terrifying.
- What What did you see? I was dead, in a body bag, and some dude almost sawed my chest open.
[SIGHS.]
That sounds That sounds awful.
And I-I woke up.
And I found a pig noodle behind my ear that I guess I missed.
I'm I'm sorry I made the ham thing explode.
I [SIGHS.]
I guess only Dave can be can be Dave.
Heh.
Do you feel any better? I'm Um, I'm feeling guilty and selfish.
Why? Because when I realized what happened to Dave, when When I realized he was dead, my first thought was for myself because if this can happen to him, it can happen to me.
I don't I don't know what to do.
I'm I'm awf I'm awful.
No.
No, no, no.
You're you're normal.
Oh, that that That doesn't help.
Why? Normal is Normal's great.
[SIGHS.]
Kevin, this may never happen again, but I'm gonna ask your advice.
What do I do to feel better? [INHALES DEEPLY.]
You know what to do.
Breaking the law, breaking the law Whoo-hoo! Breaking the law, breaking the law Oh! This is for you, Dave! - [LAUGHS.]
- Dave! Breaking the law, breaking the law Whoo! Breaking the law, breaking the law KEVIN: It's a stick shift, you know? I mean, I just don't know how to put it into first or into reverse, but then once I get going it's, um Hmm.
Amy? Reese? Anyone home? Oh.
- AMY: Yell.
Yaah! - [SCREAMING.]
[BOTH LAUGH.]
- Oh, I got you.
- No, you didn't get me.
- Yes, we did.
- You didn't get me.
- We got you on four cameras.
- Let's go watch it.
- Okay.
- No.
You didn't get me, guys.
Oh, we did Four cameras.
Oh, God, you got me.
- Yaah! - [SCREAMING.]
[BOTH LAUGH.]
- [LAUGHS.]
- Oh, my God.
KEVIN: You didn't get me.
- Oh.
Give me another angle.
- Okay.
I want to see his face go from dumb to scared.
- You didn't get me, though.
Got you! - We got you! Um, Amy? - Reese? - Wait, what was that? I don't know.