Monsters vs. Aliens (2013) s01e15 Episode Script

MVA MVA Monsters vs.
Aliens It's us vs.
them Foe vs.
friend Brain vs.
B.
O.
B.
It's a super-freaky job Oh, yeah, it's freaky.
MVA Monsters vs.
Aliens Monsters vs.
Aliens Monsters vs.
Aliens MVA 1x22 - Number Seven Now, what does it all mean? It's a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, carved into sweet Nebraska corn, and this base will not rest until - I have to go.
- That was random.
May I remind you, Sqweep, that this is a mandatory security briefing, and no one is authorized to leave.
You misinterpret.
I mean, I have to go.
She means bathroom stuff.
Number one or number two? - Number seven.
- Uh, what? Okay.
That's, like, three number ones plus six number twos.
I regret that I have to ask for more information.
It is a digestive quirk unique to my people.
In addition to regular restroom visits, once every seven years, our body requires us to go number seven.
For further information, I present this excruciatingly detailed picture book, everybody number 7's.
- Oh, dear.
- Yeah, I'll pass.
- Ew.
- Thank you, no.
Negative.
- Books.
- All right, Sqweep.
You're excused to do your, uh, business.
- We'll pick back up in five.
- Oh, no, General.
I must travel to my home planet.
Earth facilities are not equipped to deal with number seven.
Hey, nobody bad-mouths our toilets! The event would destroy your planet's entire sanitation system.
Hmm, make a note to myself.
Destroy Earth's sanitation system? Oh, yes.
Indeedy, doody.
It's all in the book, see? It's a pop-up.
- No! - Oh, ho, ho, no.
That defies the laws of gravity, physics, and basic decency.
It's like they made a rainbow out of Priority one security escort.
Get this alien on a rocket back home now! - Good-bye.
- Well, good luck to you.
Don't forget to wash your everything.
Hmm, let me see.
Snip this, crush that.
Oh, that looks important.
Obliterate! The perfect crime.
Ow, my finger! I want you to duck and cover until that ship is clear.
I hope I can hold it.
The kid's gonna blow.
Everybody, save yourself! - That's not number seven, Link.
- No, but I'm afraid it's going to be.
- Dramatic pronouncement.
- The insect-man is right.
Without that ship, Sqweep has no way of getting home.
It's the a-poo-calypse.
Oh, look what I did with words there.
Clever boy.
- E.
T.
A.
for repairs.
- It would take weeks to fix.
- And I need to go now! - But what about the poor toilets? - Mm, doomed.
- Even li'l flushie? - Yes.
- Sparklebowl? - Afraid so.
- Lady Duchess Porcelina Swirlington? Did you really name every toilet on this base? They name themselves, Broverton.
You just have to listen to their sweet song.
I will not accept the destruction of this planet's waste management system on my watch.
You may not have to.
If Sqweep can hold out for a short while longer, I'm confident I could build a sanitation unit capable of withstanding number seven.
Your solution is a mega-potty? Okay, that's actually pretty impressive.
And his name shall be Rear Admiral B.
M.
Dumpsworthy.
General Monger, I protest.
If anyone is to build a number seven containment unit, it should be me.
Oh.
Excuse me.
I want your focus on one thing, little alien: not going number seven on my shiny, clean, lemon-fresh base.
- Can you handle that? - General, leave this one to me.
- No.
- Too late.
- Whoa.
- Hey! Okay, Sqweep, I don't like to brag, but I'm kinda the world's greatest expert on not going to the bathroom.
How does one become an expert on not going to the bathroom? Saw a spider on the toilet once.
Too scared to use it for, like, ever.
Long story, which I just finished.
The end.
And so it begins.
Oh, I should not have eaten Venutian chili four years ago.
Reinforced titanium shielding, quintuple-redundant air filtration, and a hint of lilac, so it smells like springtime.
Let's build this port-a-number-seven.
Right.
Link, supply run.
Susan, all the titanium you can ginormically carry.
Cockroach, pump-it-up dance.
Don't mind if I do.
The insect is making progress on a containment unit, oh, Grand Coverlord.
I must accelerate my plans.
But how to make Sqweep go even faster? Oh, Coverton.
Whew.
It's just you.
- Man, you scared the poop out of me.
- That's a thing? Ultimate potty dance, go! Now, two steps right, and two steps left.
Now don't go to the bathroom.
That was pretty much it.
Okay, I will give it a try.
- Two steps right.
- Good.
Now, two steps left.
How's it going? I think I just ionic discharged.
- Oh, you get space toots? - Ionic discharge! Deepest apologies, Sqweep.
I had no intention of frightening Eek! A cobra! Oh, my mistake.
'Twas only a box.
A box! Sorry, I thought box was a kind of spider.
You're doing great, Sqweep.
- Wow, that came together fast.
- Link, we're ready for testing.
Hang on, one more bite of German sausage and turnip greens.
Let's rock this potty.
It doesn't work.
I smell everything.
Gah! Now, it's backing up.
It's backing up! Sorry.
Minor computational error.
Ah! That's not helping! Dr.
Cockroach, we are at Defe-con-one.
I'm sorry, I'm not trying to ionic discharge.
Maybe take your mind off of it with a distraction.
Is this titanium mega-john good to go? Ooh, lilacs.
That does smell like springtime.
Ready whenever Sqweep is, General.
You did it, Sqweep.
You made it.
Now, go get 'em, tiger.
- I-I can't.
- What? Sorry.
What? I always go number seven on my own planet, - in my own restroom.
- I assure you, it's perfectly safe.
But it's not mine.
I do not like it.
No, no, no, I will not use it.
Now, Sqweep, I'm sure you won't fall in.
I had not even thought of that.
What? I can't stop it.
You don't have to stop it.
Use the mega-potty.
Come on, I really want to see it work.
Better idea: Evacuate the base and just hope for the best? All units, prepare for immediate evac No.
- I'm not giving up on you, Sqweep.
- But I can't do it.
Hey, remember the spider-on-the-seat thing? I was scared for a long time too.
But you know what brought me out of it? The potty song.
Save yourselves.
Now, some of the words might not apply to number seven or whatever, So I'm gonna freestyle a bit.
But, you know, go with it.
He's your friend whenever you need to make a number seven he's the potty now, we're all quite aware-y that you find him sort of scary but he's not-ty you can face that loopy loo and do whatever it is you do with this simple rhyme-a-roo come on, you can sing it too don't be afraid, afraid of the potty don't be afraid, no, no, no, no, no don't be afraid, afraid of the potty don't be scared - B.
O.
B.
, is this really ? - Second verse! Look.
don't be afraid, afraid of the potty don't be afraid, no, no, no, no, no don't be afraid, afraid of the potty Sqweep's doing it.
Wrangle that thunderbox, little alien.
kneel to your porcelain master, ha embrace the tushy throne yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah - Dr.
C? - Brace for impact.
no, yeah, yeah, no, yeah yeah no, yeah no, no, no, yeah, yeah - # yeah, yeah, yeah # - It's holding.
no, yeah, yeah, no, yeah, no, yeah Flush you very much! Mmm, lilacs.
And we're all clear for another seven years.
Way to go, Sqweep.
I can't believe that worked.
B.
O.
B.
, your song is amazing.
Yeah, I don't know how you could listen and not have to go to the wow, that is super effective.
- I, um, gotta go.
- Me too.
Emergency! Oh, too late.
1x23 - A Friend who Wasn't There Whoo-hoo! Tex-mex day! Yes, some things in here are muy caliente.
Oh, I love those.
Especially with lots of guacamole.
B.
O.
B.
, I'm not talking about the food.
- Ooh, fajitas.
- Sta'abi? Please tell me you're not gonna ask her out again.
Hasn't she rejected you in enough humiliating ways? Hey, angel.
What'd you do with your wings? Take back now.
Only the men of my planet have wings.
You are under arrest for stealing my heart.
Falsely accuse me of crime again, and I will harvest all of your vital organs.
Vital? That's kind of important, right? Ow.
Say, Sta'abi, can I I was just wondering if you're done with the treadmill.
She's just playing hard to get.
Watch me weave my magic.
I can't.
It's too painful.
I see you forgot dessert.
Fortunately, I'm sweet enough for the both of us.
See? Pathetic fish thing.
I find your Earth courtship rituals intriguing.
That's great.
I'm glad something has come from the searing pain.
They remind me of a lab experiment I conducted recently.
Female Antarean mantises rejected the advances of the male Antarean mantis, but one spray of experimental pheromonium changed everything.
Pheromonium? Yow and za.
You, uh you got any of that stuff around? Oh, no, it is strictly for academic study.
It might be dangerous outside of the lab.
That's why I keep it secure in my quarters.
Your quarters, you say.
You know, Sqweep, you and I should hang out more often.
We've got besties potential.
- Besties? - Bros.
Buds.
Best friends.
Hmm, an Earth studies project on friendship.
Ooh, do I smell - I do.
Extra credit.
- I do enjoy extra credit.
Which is why we should head to your room for a rousing game of checkers.
- Come on.
- Checkers? My research indicates that there are other, much more favorable friendship activities.
Um, like what? Super star dance power bonus.
- Yay.
- Player two.
No go with your flow.
Player two loses.
Yep, not my game.
Know what is? Checkers.
Let's play in your room.
Other activities first.
Okay, now look, I'm known far and wide for my high heat, but because we're besties, I'm going easy on you.
Cut the chatter and pitch, you swamp-leech from planet Zeebowich.
How does my Earth trash talk suit you? Uh, good, yeah.
I get the gist.
Okay, so here it comes, but don't blame yourself if you miss the first few.
Annihilating your friends at sports is most enjoyable.
Okay, bestie, are you ready to rock? - Let 'er rip.
Whee, hee, hee.
- I know, right? It feels like we're flying high above the Okay, seriously, scrapbooking? The reflection on past experiences furthers friendship bonding.
Here's a page on our zip-lining adventure, so we may always remember it.
I have scars, so I'll always remember it.
Scrapbooking? Don't forget the glitter glue.
Yeah, top secret mission stuff, way past your clearance level.
Keep walking.
Why couldn't we do this, like, in your room? Glitter is messy.
Yeah, well, stop hogging the puffy stickers.
Ha, ha.
Just totally owned you.
I am king of the galaxy.
Well, king, you are about to be dethroned.
Oh, yeah? Good luck with that, marshmallow head.
After this, perhaps we can play checkers in my room.
That's great.
Uh-huh.
I Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Oh, butterfingers.
I dropped the controller.
This mistake shall prove fatal.
It was a tactical error on your part to drop the controller Yeah, right, uh-huh.
Checkers time.
Would you mind if I first log our previous friendship activities in my report? Yeah, cool.
Yeah, whatever.
Later tonight, we shall take a ride in General Monger's hot air balloon.
This type of travel is reported to be quite enjoyable for friends.
Yeah, sure, with the balloon, yeah.
Question: Why does General Monger have a hot air balloon? Alien spaceship? Don't be ridiculous.
What you folks saw was this here balloon.
"The brain sensations that come from Earth friendships are quite pleasurable.
On a ten-Point scale, several of our friendship activities have measured in the high nines.
" Oops, oh.
I almost spilled your extra pheromonium.
That's not pheromonium.
It's the purple liquid on the shelf above.
Gah.
I will now schedule our friendship agenda for tomorrow.
What shall we do first? Go fishing, make friendship bracelets, or pretend we run an imaginary puppy store? Yeah, think you know what? Yeah, gotta run.
Hey, Sta'abi.
Pumping iron? Nice.
Linky likey.
Let me make this clear, fish-thing.
I think you are like the nargle-beast, rippling with muscles and fangs.
Well, I you know.
Ha, thanks.
- So dinner tonight? - Yes.
Dinner.
- Like putty in my hands.
- The balloon is ready for lift-off.
I even prepared popped corn and cotton that is candy.
Yeah, the balloon.
Right.
Well, I'm gonna have to pass.
Hot date with Sta'abi tonight.
I am confused.
We have previously arranged plans.
It's complicated.
You'll understand when you're older, and then you'll be like, "oh.
" I am admittedly young, only 768 Earth years old.
Nevertheless, I should be able to comprehend primitive Earth concepts.
Could this be any more perfect? Hey! I'm trying to have a date over here.
- Mmm.
Yummy.
- Yeah.
Yummy, huh? Pepperoni's my favorite.
Mmm.
Susan, could you answer a question for me? Ooh, question from a genius? Okay, shoot.
Do best friends always honor their time commitments to each other? Oh, well, they certainly try their best.
Oh, my turn for a question.
Unicorns are they real, and can I have one? What's this about, Sqweep? Link has suddenly abandoned our friendship plans.
What? That's terrible.
It has left me experiencing a rush of unpleasant emotional reactions.
Where's Link? I've got a few questions for him, like how could he do this to you? Yeah, and unicorns.
Don't leave me hanging.
Link is on a date with Sta'abi.
That's impossible.
She always turns him down.
- Violently.
- Faster than a female Antarean mantis.
The pheromonium! If Link used it, he's in terrible danger.
- Hello, Link.
- What's up? - You're looking good.
- I'll say.
Mm.
Sorry, ladies, the Linkster is officially off the market.
Feeding time is over.
Now it is feeding time! Okay, wait, is that a flirty euphemism, or are - you actually talking about - Link, Sta'abi's going to eat you! The pheromonium was synthesized for Antarean mantises, - and Antarean mantises eat their mates.
- Talking about the what? Mmm.
- So I'm guessing the nargle-beast is - My favorite meal.
Thanks.
And before you say it, I am probably never gonna spray myself with something experimental again.
So lesson learned, probably.
See what happens when you use other people, Link? I can't believe you.
You are so Yummy.
- Not you too! - I-I can't help it.
I-I just think you'd be really tasty with a side of fries.
- Mmm.
- Fish and chips.
Come here, my tasty little nargle-beast.
- Aah, oh, man.
- After him! Chased by Link-hungry women in my dream, it was much cooler.
I wanna eat him so bad.
And I don't even like seafood.
Out of my way! I'm eating Link.
Eating Link? He's my best friend! I mean, if anyone should get to eat him, it's me.
You know, I think we should start seeing other people.
There is no escape.
Sqweep! Higher, Sqweep, higher! Ow! Come back! You saved me, thanks.
According to my research, that's what friends are for.
You're a lot better friend than I've been, Sqweep.
This is true, but I forgive you.
- Checkers? - You know it.
So how long till this pheromonium wears off? Three to four weeks.
Wait a second three to four weeks? You mean I'm stuck up here? Well, we got the checkers, right? Your move, pal.