Once and Again (1999) s01e15 Episode Script
The Mystery Dance
Mystery Dance I can't believe it.
I mean, I can believe it.
It's just unbelievable.
Here you go.
Thanks.
Isn't this place great? Yeah-- I only wish it could be a little louder and more crowded.
What? What do you mean? I was kidding.
Really? I feel like I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel here.
Do you have any idea what that's like? Maybe I'm not being picky enough.
Or maybe I'm being too picky.
What do you think? Well, I-- But am I wrong? Am I wrong to have some criteria? Nobody takes me to the ballet.
I'm really kind of impressed.
Can I kiss you good night? I think that would be okay.
- Okay! - What? God! Or maybe it's me.
Maybe I attract weirdos.
I'm like what do they call that in physics? A magnet? A strange attractant? A victim? Simone? I'm Jean-Paul.
Hi.
I didn't have a date for the millennium and that was okay.
I mean, it's not like it's an omen for the rest of the century or something.
It's just all so desperate.
I don't know.
I kind of like it.
I meant my life.
Judy I mean, maybe I should just give up dating altogether, you know? Because now I've become one of those women.
What women? I'm this close to letting Mom set me up with her friend Helen's son, the pharmacist.
What do you think? No.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
This is very Well, yeah, it's very What is it? I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't even know if I like it but it definitely speaks to me.
What's it saying? ls it asking you out? Shut up.
So what about you? What's with you? - How's, uh, mediation? - Oh, horrific.
Do you want me to go into detail? - If you want to.
- I don't want.
Then don't turn around.
Or do turn around.
Oh, I don't know.
Do whatever you want.
Look.
Well, hello.
Well, hello to you, too.
This is great.
What are you guys doing here? - Pretending we can afford something.
- A little game we like to play.
Well, that one over there might be on sale.
There's a piece missing.
How could you tell? This is Sam's gallery.
Lily, Judy, this is Samuel Blue.
- Oh, you're the--he's the artist.
- Artist.
This--this is great.
I mean, interesting.
I mean, your work is filled with such uh, uh, some energy? I have to say I never know what to say.
I'm sorry.
That's all right as long as it spoke to you.
It did.
She said that.
Oh, well, then that's all one can ever hope for.
Uh, Sam is doing a commission for a building I'm designing.
Isn't this wonderful that we bumped into each other? - It's almost serendipitous.
- It is, isn't it? You know, the couple who seem to have the best sex life is actually the most troubled.
- Sure.
They're overcompensating.
- Oh, clearly.
Yeah.
Hey, look.
They, uh, they seem to want to buy something.
Oh, no.
What, isn't that what you want to have happen? Yeah, but, uh I sort of fell in love with that piece.
Would you excuse me? Sure.
Uh, nice to meet you.
I went out with someone for a while who had a thing for old cars and I did that thing you do-- you know, I immersed myself in something I didn't really care about.
But I learned a lot about rebuilding engines.
He didn't work out, though, obviously.
Trouble? Oh, hi.
Yeah.
My car won't start.
Need a jump? Nah, I'm afraid it's way beyond that.
I pulled the distributor cap, saw a spark across the points, so that's okay.
I pulled the spark plug lead and nothing.
So maybe the coil? Uh, yeah, sure.
Hey, can I ask you a question? How do you know what you're gonna sculpt? I mean, where does that come from? I'm just always in search of something.
I try to keep my eyes open until I see it.
Does that make any sense? No.
Okay.
Listen, I could, uh-- do you want a lift? - Really? - Yeah.
Thanks.
That would be great.
You know, I actually went to art school but I didn't finish which was a pattern in my life at the time.
If I babble too much feel free to just let me out anywhere.
Okay.
Okay? There is something-- some confluence between those things, you know? Like - like moving through time and capturing light and dark and the shades of meaning.
I don't know.
I don't know.
But I did-- I really liked it.
I--I think I was good at it.
Well, why'd you stop? I don't know.
I don't even know where my camera is.
And I wanted to go to film school, but somehow that just never worked out.
Listen to me.
I sound like a parade of regrets.
No, no.
It's-- it's refreshing, actually.
People are usually so quick to try to impress you with their accomplishments.
Well, not me.
So, I'm wondering-- is this a sandwich? Let's see here.
Smells funny.
Funny "ha ha" or funny "rancid"? Here we go.
Perfect.
Well, thanks for the ride.
You should do that.
Do what? Go to film school or take photographs or dance or-- do what you want because clearly, you need to do that for yourself.
Okay.
Well, thanks again.
Sure.
No problem.
Bye.
Bye.
I guess there are certain obvious signs to watch out for that he might not be right for you he tries to sleep with you on the first date he doesn't listen to a word you say.
East of the sun and west of the moon we'll build a dream house of love, dear.
Close to the sun in the day What else? He chews with his mouth open he takes a big handful of mints when you leave the restaurant he forgets your birthday he forgets your name.
Oh, and I'm adamant about this one if he doesn't like hot cocoa On the other hand if he knows exactly what to say - Hi.
- Hi.
Um, as I was driving away, uh, it just occurred to me that I could have phrased something a little better.
You came back to phrase something better? Yeah, because I--I didn't want you to think that I was telling you what to do when I said that you should do something.
I didn't think that.
Because what was going through my mind was really about me.
That doesn't sound right but the point I'm laboring to make is that I just know that when I'm working that's the only time I'm really alive and I sensed that you might have that same thing.
Really? From the way that you were talking about the things that you loved, and--I had that sense.
And anyway, I was worried and, uh, I just needed to clarify that and, uh I feel better now.
So, uh Thanks.
Thank you.
Do you want to come in? Um, do you--do you want something to drink? Do you like hot cocoa? Who doesn't? Oh, I'm all out of milk.
Is white wine okay? Um yeah, sure.
It's cold out.
You can-- you can shut the door.
I'm actually glad that you came by.
Yeah? Yeah-- to say what you did.
You know, most people just tell you what to do with your life without any regard for anything-- just what they think-- but sometimes you're maybe in a place where you're feeling a little unprotected and you can't help but absorb what they have to say and--and then you think, you know "Why am I basing my life on this person's whim?" And by that point you're probably, you know, it's too late anyway.
Yeah.
Sometimes I wish I could take a vacation from myself.
Sometimes I--I do take a vacation from myself.
Where do you go? Hoover Dam.
You're funny.
Funny "ha ha" or--or funny "rancid"? You want to take off your coat? Oh, uh uh, no.
I--you know what? I've--I actually have to go.
Okay.
This has really been, uh, very Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
And if he doesn't kiss you but you feel like you've been kissed There's nothing here that moves me.
Oh, that's okay.
You don't have to sugarcoat it.
These are all based on-- on what we talked about.
Have you changed your mind about what you want, Miles? I've seen your earlier work, Samuel and it's staggering.
Oh.
Gee, thanks.
I wonder why you're not doing the same here.
Well, you know, uh, just thought I'd try something new.
Don't you think your earlier work was much stronger? - Well, that depends on what you mean by "stronger".
- More powerful.
More significant.
Well, yeah.
I--you know, that's very subjective.
I--I like to think that I'm growing as an artist.
Nevertheless, I'd like to see something in that vein.
You know what? I just think it might be cheaper for you to hire someone to rip me off.
I doubt that will be necessary.
Why--why don't we let, uh, Sam go back and think about what it is we've been talking about and we'll meet again? I'll expect to hear from you.
Gentlemen.
Sorry.
It's all right.
Are you sure you want to do this? Hey, I'm sure I need the money.
I've got employees and payroll and health insurance.
When did I become a business? Yeah, what ever happened to living off the land and doing your art? Well, what about you? I thought you were gonna build solar housing for the people.
I do build solar housing for people.
All right, so you're better than me, okay? So you're sure about it? Oh, yeah.
I can handle this.
I've sold out lots of times.
Yeah, you are a hack.
Kiss me, baby.
Can you do the special orders? They're right here in the office under this mess.
Do you mind? Sure.
Where am I going? Great.
So I just have to run.
I have a date.
Go.
Have a life.
I'll be right here with the books.
The books love you.
Bye.
Bye.
Say hi to Ricky.
- Can you do me a favor? - Yeah? Can you just kind of get the scoop on Rick's friend Sam? The artist guy from yesterday? Well, yeah.
Wasn't he a little Well, I thought he was cute.
Yeah, he was.
So you can't just ask for me? Yes, I can.
I'll ask.
Goody.
He has to resonate.
You know, for me, it's very meaningful if I can't get him out of my mind.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Oh, sorry.
Uh, hi.
I--I thought I might like to, uh look at your bookstore.
Oh, yeah? Well, here it is.
Oh.
It's nice.
Nice.
I like it.
Uh, actually, uh I need some books.
I--I might buy something.
Good.
We like that.
Uh, do you have any, uh, anything by uh, Vennberg? Karl Vennberg? I don't think so.
Vennberg? Yes.
He's a Swedish, uh, poet.
Modernist.
Sounds pretty obscure.
Have you read a lot of him? Uh, not a word, but, uh, I--I've meant to.
You know, you should have lied.
I would have been very impressed.
Okay.
All right.
Well, I should go.
Oh, I'm not gonna let you leave without buying something.
Oh, okay.
I've been thinking about that thing that you said.
Which thing? I say so many things.
About taking a vacation from yourself.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I thought it was profound.
Profound? Really? Well, I-- maybe not profound but, um It was intriguing.
I'll take it.
Um, what's that poem by that guy? - Could you be a little bit more specific? - All right.
It's--it's one of a series of monologues by dead people and they inhabit this small town, but they're poems.
- Oh, yes.
"Spoon River Anthology".
Of course.
- Right.
Right.
Oh, yes.
Over here.
Yeah.
There's this one poem that I'm thinking of where the guy is describing the gravestone that is cut for him how the meaning of his life is measured in, uh, the chances he took and I was sculpting, and it just hit me-- You know, we're out of it.
I'm sorry.
Could I order it for you? Um no, that's okay.
- Uh, go on.
I'm sorry I interrupted.
- No.
You know, I don't--I don't even know what I was saying.
I like what you were saying.
I'll--I'll just, uh, I'll just-- I'm gonna take this and a couple of these.
Okay.
Okay.
Yeah.
Do you want a bag? Oh, no, no.
That's--that's fine.
It was nice to see you.
Same here.
Bye.
Bye.
I have not been able to get you out of my mind.
I don't know what to do about you.
You don't? Sometimes things just happen.
Sometimes things, you know, work out.
You really can't predict it.
You can't explain it.
That feels so good.
You're all tense.
Yeah, I'm just having the worst time.
I'm supposed to do this household budget for the mediator but I can't seem to sort everything out and Jake's being so difficult.
I'm just Do you think the mediation's going to work? I don't know.
The whole idea of it is to be civilized, you know? But the other day, here Jake and I are screaming at each other in front of this stranger, and we actually had to end the session.
Come here.
What, you didn't want to kiss me? No.
No, no, no.
I did.
I did.
Just something went through my mind.
What went through your mind? Nothing.
It was--it was crazy.
It was just off of something you said.
Something went through my mind.
Do you think maybe there are some things that we should talk about? You know, it might help to move on.
Probably at some point.
You know what I think? I just think we need time together.
We need to be with each other.
That's what we need right now.
I agree.
Just-- just a little bit more? Oh, I was supposed to ask you about your friend the artist.
- Sam? - Yeah.
What about him? For Judy.
She's maybe interested.
So So Thank you for driving me home.
You're welcome.
And thank you for staying with me at the bookstore.
Well, I had fun.
Yeah.
Me too.
- Oh, I got you something.
- What? You stole this from my store.
Well, if I hadn't it wouldn't have been a surprise.
That's very sweet.
Judy, I--I have to, um What? I have to go.
I--I don't want to.
Oh, no.
You don't have to.
Yeah, I should go.
- Okay.
- Okay.
All right.
So bye.
Bye.
Hello? Jude? I forgot to tell you to pack up the returns.
Done, and I shelved the stuff from Penguin.
I'm so proud of you.
Well, it's what I live for.
Hey, how was your date? Moderately successful.
What does that mean? I don't know.
But I did your bidding for you.
Oh, yeah? Um anything good? Married.
What? Rick's friend Sam-- married.
Very married.
Whatever that means.
Judy? Uh, yeah, I've just, uh, got to get m-my mud mask off.
Okay.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Okay.
Bye.
I'm 35.
I'm 35.
Oh, I'm 35.
35.
I'm 35.
35.
Uh, do you have one of those itty bitty book lights? 'Cause I've got this itty bitty book and I--I can't seem to find a light for it.
I want you to leave right now.
Judy I'm so stupid! In some way, I can't even blame you, 'cause I was probably wearing blinders.
I just didn't even think about it.
Let me explain.
No.
You know, there's nothing to talk about.
This is done! Did you think I wouldn't find out? Well, I didn't know this was gonna happen.
Look, we didn't sleep together so nothing happened, all right? Just--just go away.
Don't you wear a ring? I mean, don't people do that? Isn't that something people do? Um, my fingers-- while I'm working, I can't-- I--I guess if I said I was gonna tell you that would just sound like a-- What are you thinking? Do you just walk around--are you so self-absorbed, so self-serving? Hi.
Uh, you know what? I should prob-- Bye.
Bye.
What was that? Oh, God.
What? When did something happen? No, nothing happened.
Obviously something happened.
Judy? You okay? I don't want to talk about this with you.
Okay.
You don't have to.
My car wouldn't start.
He gave me a ride home.
We talked.
He was funny.
You didn't sleep with him.
No.
Oh, good.
I may as well have.
I don't understand how all this happened in two days.
You didn't even say anything.
Oh, Judy You just throw yourself into these things and now look what you're doing to yourself.
I don't need you to explain it to me.
You're just so passionate and open and people take advantage of that and you can't help but let them do it.
Have you been smoking? Oh, stop.
Judy, I'm just trying to help.
But you're condescending.
I know I go on and on about my horrible dating life and I know you have to listen, and I'm sorry but I'm hurting, so for once, could you just give me some support and not judge me? Hi, Miles.
Forgive the intrusion.
Um, I messengered a piece of building material to you earlier.
Have you had a chance to look at it? Yeah.
Uh, travertine.
Where do you think we might use it? Well, there's a lot to consider, Miles.
Uh, travertine is a wonderful element in contrast to a more contemporary design but everything we've been talking about and--and the requirements of the structure, you know probably aren't suited for something like travertine.
I like travertine.
Well, I guess, then, I should get back to work.
Have we heard from Samuel Blue? No, we haven't, but, uh, it's only been a day.
I think he seemed resistant.
To me, he seemed, uh, quite willing.
Perception is everything, isn't it? Let's give him a couple of days.
If you think it matters.
I do.
As always, it's been a pleasure.
And there's no-- there's no-- this is so undignified, I know, but if I could just see you for the purpose of explaining myself not that you owe me anything.
It's just I don't even See, this is why I need to talk to you.
Judy, you there? Please pick up.
Okay.
Call me.
Hi, sweetheart.
It's your mother.
You're probably out somewhere.
Anyway, just to let you know now, I hope this is okay with you I gave your number to my friend Helen Crumholtz's son Keith Crumholtz, the pharmacist.
I may have mentioned him.
I think I did.
Hi, it's Sam again.
I'm sorry.
Uh, I'm probably doing myself in here - Sorry.
Hey.
- Hey.
Sorry I'm late.
That's okay.
So, is this place all right? Yeah, it's great.
Listen, is that, um is your friend Sam a good friend? Sam? Yeah.
I've know him since college.
Did he--has he said anything about Judy? Judy? No.
Why? Well, apparently, he and Judy hit it off.
Hit it off how? Well, she says they didn't sleep together but something happened.
Oh, I doubt it.
Not Sam.
Is there any possibility that Judy would imagine that something happened? No, it's not a possibility.
She's not an idiot.
Well, I-- it's just unbelievable.
I'm just wondering--is this something he--he's done a lot? Lily, we shouldn't jump to conclusions.
I mean, we're not even sure what really happened.
Well, we know he led her on in some way.
- How do we know that? - 'Cause he's married! Okay.
All right.
I don't want to fight about this.
Okay.
We won't fight.
What? Nothing.
Right.
What? Nothing.
You're mad.
I'm--I'm not mad.
I just--I thought we were gonna have a nice dinner.
So what's stopping us? I don't know.
Is this about what we were talking about last night? It is now.
Rick, I think we need to talk.
about what's happened with Jake.
We've never talked about it.
You may be right, but I just don't feel like it.
Well, I don't think things are gonna go back to normal until we do 'cause it's not safe to talk about anything beyond the weather.
Lily, I--I really don't want to get into this now.
I can imagine the things that are running through your head.
- I know I would be-- - Stop, please.
Please stop.
Well, you must have questions.
It's eating away at you.
I know it is.
I can see it.
You really want to know what's in my head? I keep trying to picture where you did it.
Was it on your bed? On the floor? And it's not because I want to know it's because I keep seeing this-- I keep seeing this expression on your face and you're right.
It is eating me up inside and I don't know what to do about it.
That's what's in my head.
Hi, you've reached me, and I'm not at home so leave a message if you have something to say.
I know I don't have the right but I'm just asking to see you just for five minutes.
Okay? Just five, and I'll never bother you again.
It's just it's something that I need to do.
Not that you owe me anything.
That's obvious.
Well, I didn't have to say that.
Obviously.
Okay.
Mommy? Hey, monkey.
I think I have attention deficit disorder.
Oh, yeah? Yeah, she can't get enough attention.
That's her disorder.
It's so cold in my room.
Hop in, and let's snuggle.
Well, this has a certain fastidious capability don't you think? I don't know what you just said, but you break it, you bought it.
And, uh, I haven't done any sketches yet, if that's what you're after.
Well, I just came by to see how you were doing.
Had any ideas? I haven't been thinking about any.
You sure this is something you want to take on? No, I--I'm not, but I'm going to.
I can give you more time, you know.
I know you haven't been quite comfortable with all of this.
All of what? Miles Drentell trying to bend your art to his will.
Well, you know, Ricky, I really appreciate you looking out for me and my integrity but, uh, that's my problem.
So it is a problem.
You know, I just--I just find it a little disconcerting that you hold me up to some measure of how an artist should live his life when you're jumping through more hoops than anybody.
How's Janine, Sam? That's manipulative, okay? You want to ask me about my marriage about what's going on with your girlfriend's sister then go ahead and ask me.
What's going on with you and Judy? None of your damn business.
Well, I was just wondering, Sam what the hell it is you're doing.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I just know that this is the first time in my life I've felt this way and I'm not just gonna let it go by.
Hi.
Hello.
I have to open soon.
Right.
Right, right, right, right.
You know, I I wanted to tell you.
You know, I tried to tell you.
But you chose to deceive me instead.
Judy I wish you could know that this is not who I am.
I'm not sure I care who you are right now.
Fair enough.
But you let me come down here, so Go on.
I spent the last 10 years buried in my work, thinking that it was enough.
But really I was hiding in so many ways.
My wife and I don't love each other anymore.
Okay.
Okay, that's not-- I shouldn't even bring that up.
But I was afraid to look at everything.
But I have.
I--I've been looking, and I see now that, uh somewhere along the way I lost myself and nothing in my life has any meaning for me.
You know, that's a that's a painful thing to wake up to I gotta tell you.
And I'm really sorry, Judy 'cause none of this really has anything to do with you except that we happened to meet at this moment, and I can't explain it, but I feel-- I feel light on the inside all the time and, uh the thing I hate is In telling this truth to myself I've had to lie to you.
Why are you telling me all of this? Because I need you to know that the last few days were more than something sordid and-- and I think you needed to know that you were wanted.
I found that book we were talking about.
It's--it seems stupid to give this to you now, but, uh I marked the poem, and, uh I hope you'll read it.
And, uh I'll understand if you don't.
I'm sorry.
Hello again.
Hi, Miles.
Have you spoken to our friend Samuel? Yes.
Yes, I have.
And is there a problem? No, not at all.
I told him to take all the time he needs.
Why would you do something like that? Because I think if we give him enough space, he'll do his best work.
Perhaps I'll pay him a visit.
Did you hear what I just said, Miles? Yes, I did.
Did you hear what I said? Yes.
I'm beginning to wonder if we understand each other, Rick Sammler.
I think we do, Miles.
I must run.
Uh, this is a longer conversation, isn't it? Yes, it is.
Very well.
It's never been so clean in here.
You can actually see through the windows.
I brought strudel.
I'm sorry I didn't call you back last night.
That's okay.
You know, if you'd rather not be here I can cover for you.
Oh, I'm all right.
Thanks.
Are you? I'm not gonna go away.
I'm not gonna stop worrying about you.
That's my job.
I'm fine, really.
It's been a strange couple of days.
I've just been in a mood or something, you know feeling vulnerable for some reason but I'm-- I'm good, you know? I mean, in fact, things are really looking up.
Mom gave my number to her friend Helen's son the pharmacist.
Oh, Judy.
Come on, already.
Judith Lauren Brooks, come here.
Oh what are you gonna do with me? What am I gonna do with me? Well, you know, a pharmacist does make a very comfortable living.
I'm sorry that I keep doing this.
I'm sorry I can't think of anything to say because I don't want to say there are other fish in the sea because there are.
Well, I'm not so sure about that.
I'm so scared, Lily.
What if I never find the one? You know, what if I--I don't even know how to look? Because when I think I find him it turns out to be the complete wrong thing and what if, at some level, I--I knew that you know, like all along, subconsciously? Oh, don't say that.
But I'm so screwed up, Lily.
You know that.
Really sometimes I think I'm never gonna let myself have the things I want and I can't help it, because I never even know it until it's too late.
I do.
I want to get married and I want to have kids.
I want all those things.
How do I get them? I wish I knew.
I really wish I knew.
Let me clean this stuff up.
You look like you could use some help.
Oh, I don't think you can help me with this.
I can try.
That would be wonderful - because I can't even figure how much to budget for food.
- Oh, that's easy.
like a million dollars.
Okay.
"$1 million".
Kids with Jake? Yeah, they are.
I'm so glad that you came over.
I love that you did that.
I miss you so much when I feel like we've been fighting.
Have we been fighting? I can't remember.
It's confusing.
What? To have something to say and not be able to say it.
What do you want to say? That I love you very much.
and I can't live without you.
"I've studied many times the marble which was chiseled for me.
" "A boat with a furled sail at rest in a harbor.
"In truth it pictures not my destination but my life.
" "For love was offered me "and I shrank from its disillusionment.
"Sorrow knocked at my door, but I was afraid.
"Ambition called to me, but I dreaded the chances.
Yet all the while I hungered for meaning in my life.
" "And now I know that we must lift the sail "and catch the winds of destiny wherever they drive the boat.
"To put meaning in one's life may end in madness "but life without meaning is the torture of restlessness and vague desire.
" "It is a boat longing for the sea and yet afraid.
"
I mean, I can believe it.
It's just unbelievable.
Here you go.
Thanks.
Isn't this place great? Yeah-- I only wish it could be a little louder and more crowded.
What? What do you mean? I was kidding.
Really? I feel like I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel here.
Do you have any idea what that's like? Maybe I'm not being picky enough.
Or maybe I'm being too picky.
What do you think? Well, I-- But am I wrong? Am I wrong to have some criteria? Nobody takes me to the ballet.
I'm really kind of impressed.
Can I kiss you good night? I think that would be okay.
- Okay! - What? God! Or maybe it's me.
Maybe I attract weirdos.
I'm like what do they call that in physics? A magnet? A strange attractant? A victim? Simone? I'm Jean-Paul.
Hi.
I didn't have a date for the millennium and that was okay.
I mean, it's not like it's an omen for the rest of the century or something.
It's just all so desperate.
I don't know.
I kind of like it.
I meant my life.
Judy I mean, maybe I should just give up dating altogether, you know? Because now I've become one of those women.
What women? I'm this close to letting Mom set me up with her friend Helen's son, the pharmacist.
What do you think? No.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
This is very Well, yeah, it's very What is it? I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't even know if I like it but it definitely speaks to me.
What's it saying? ls it asking you out? Shut up.
So what about you? What's with you? - How's, uh, mediation? - Oh, horrific.
Do you want me to go into detail? - If you want to.
- I don't want.
Then don't turn around.
Or do turn around.
Oh, I don't know.
Do whatever you want.
Look.
Well, hello.
Well, hello to you, too.
This is great.
What are you guys doing here? - Pretending we can afford something.
- A little game we like to play.
Well, that one over there might be on sale.
There's a piece missing.
How could you tell? This is Sam's gallery.
Lily, Judy, this is Samuel Blue.
- Oh, you're the--he's the artist.
- Artist.
This--this is great.
I mean, interesting.
I mean, your work is filled with such uh, uh, some energy? I have to say I never know what to say.
I'm sorry.
That's all right as long as it spoke to you.
It did.
She said that.
Oh, well, then that's all one can ever hope for.
Uh, Sam is doing a commission for a building I'm designing.
Isn't this wonderful that we bumped into each other? - It's almost serendipitous.
- It is, isn't it? You know, the couple who seem to have the best sex life is actually the most troubled.
- Sure.
They're overcompensating.
- Oh, clearly.
Yeah.
Hey, look.
They, uh, they seem to want to buy something.
Oh, no.
What, isn't that what you want to have happen? Yeah, but, uh I sort of fell in love with that piece.
Would you excuse me? Sure.
Uh, nice to meet you.
I went out with someone for a while who had a thing for old cars and I did that thing you do-- you know, I immersed myself in something I didn't really care about.
But I learned a lot about rebuilding engines.
He didn't work out, though, obviously.
Trouble? Oh, hi.
Yeah.
My car won't start.
Need a jump? Nah, I'm afraid it's way beyond that.
I pulled the distributor cap, saw a spark across the points, so that's okay.
I pulled the spark plug lead and nothing.
So maybe the coil? Uh, yeah, sure.
Hey, can I ask you a question? How do you know what you're gonna sculpt? I mean, where does that come from? I'm just always in search of something.
I try to keep my eyes open until I see it.
Does that make any sense? No.
Okay.
Listen, I could, uh-- do you want a lift? - Really? - Yeah.
Thanks.
That would be great.
You know, I actually went to art school but I didn't finish which was a pattern in my life at the time.
If I babble too much feel free to just let me out anywhere.
Okay.
Okay? There is something-- some confluence between those things, you know? Like - like moving through time and capturing light and dark and the shades of meaning.
I don't know.
I don't know.
But I did-- I really liked it.
I--I think I was good at it.
Well, why'd you stop? I don't know.
I don't even know where my camera is.
And I wanted to go to film school, but somehow that just never worked out.
Listen to me.
I sound like a parade of regrets.
No, no.
It's-- it's refreshing, actually.
People are usually so quick to try to impress you with their accomplishments.
Well, not me.
So, I'm wondering-- is this a sandwich? Let's see here.
Smells funny.
Funny "ha ha" or funny "rancid"? Here we go.
Perfect.
Well, thanks for the ride.
You should do that.
Do what? Go to film school or take photographs or dance or-- do what you want because clearly, you need to do that for yourself.
Okay.
Well, thanks again.
Sure.
No problem.
Bye.
Bye.
I guess there are certain obvious signs to watch out for that he might not be right for you he tries to sleep with you on the first date he doesn't listen to a word you say.
East of the sun and west of the moon we'll build a dream house of love, dear.
Close to the sun in the day What else? He chews with his mouth open he takes a big handful of mints when you leave the restaurant he forgets your birthday he forgets your name.
Oh, and I'm adamant about this one if he doesn't like hot cocoa On the other hand if he knows exactly what to say - Hi.
- Hi.
Um, as I was driving away, uh, it just occurred to me that I could have phrased something a little better.
You came back to phrase something better? Yeah, because I--I didn't want you to think that I was telling you what to do when I said that you should do something.
I didn't think that.
Because what was going through my mind was really about me.
That doesn't sound right but the point I'm laboring to make is that I just know that when I'm working that's the only time I'm really alive and I sensed that you might have that same thing.
Really? From the way that you were talking about the things that you loved, and--I had that sense.
And anyway, I was worried and, uh, I just needed to clarify that and, uh I feel better now.
So, uh Thanks.
Thank you.
Do you want to come in? Um, do you--do you want something to drink? Do you like hot cocoa? Who doesn't? Oh, I'm all out of milk.
Is white wine okay? Um yeah, sure.
It's cold out.
You can-- you can shut the door.
I'm actually glad that you came by.
Yeah? Yeah-- to say what you did.
You know, most people just tell you what to do with your life without any regard for anything-- just what they think-- but sometimes you're maybe in a place where you're feeling a little unprotected and you can't help but absorb what they have to say and--and then you think, you know "Why am I basing my life on this person's whim?" And by that point you're probably, you know, it's too late anyway.
Yeah.
Sometimes I wish I could take a vacation from myself.
Sometimes I--I do take a vacation from myself.
Where do you go? Hoover Dam.
You're funny.
Funny "ha ha" or--or funny "rancid"? You want to take off your coat? Oh, uh uh, no.
I--you know what? I've--I actually have to go.
Okay.
This has really been, uh, very Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
And if he doesn't kiss you but you feel like you've been kissed There's nothing here that moves me.
Oh, that's okay.
You don't have to sugarcoat it.
These are all based on-- on what we talked about.
Have you changed your mind about what you want, Miles? I've seen your earlier work, Samuel and it's staggering.
Oh.
Gee, thanks.
I wonder why you're not doing the same here.
Well, you know, uh, just thought I'd try something new.
Don't you think your earlier work was much stronger? - Well, that depends on what you mean by "stronger".
- More powerful.
More significant.
Well, yeah.
I--you know, that's very subjective.
I--I like to think that I'm growing as an artist.
Nevertheless, I'd like to see something in that vein.
You know what? I just think it might be cheaper for you to hire someone to rip me off.
I doubt that will be necessary.
Why--why don't we let, uh, Sam go back and think about what it is we've been talking about and we'll meet again? I'll expect to hear from you.
Gentlemen.
Sorry.
It's all right.
Are you sure you want to do this? Hey, I'm sure I need the money.
I've got employees and payroll and health insurance.
When did I become a business? Yeah, what ever happened to living off the land and doing your art? Well, what about you? I thought you were gonna build solar housing for the people.
I do build solar housing for people.
All right, so you're better than me, okay? So you're sure about it? Oh, yeah.
I can handle this.
I've sold out lots of times.
Yeah, you are a hack.
Kiss me, baby.
Can you do the special orders? They're right here in the office under this mess.
Do you mind? Sure.
Where am I going? Great.
So I just have to run.
I have a date.
Go.
Have a life.
I'll be right here with the books.
The books love you.
Bye.
Bye.
Say hi to Ricky.
- Can you do me a favor? - Yeah? Can you just kind of get the scoop on Rick's friend Sam? The artist guy from yesterday? Well, yeah.
Wasn't he a little Well, I thought he was cute.
Yeah, he was.
So you can't just ask for me? Yes, I can.
I'll ask.
Goody.
He has to resonate.
You know, for me, it's very meaningful if I can't get him out of my mind.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Oh, sorry.
Uh, hi.
I--I thought I might like to, uh look at your bookstore.
Oh, yeah? Well, here it is.
Oh.
It's nice.
Nice.
I like it.
Uh, actually, uh I need some books.
I--I might buy something.
Good.
We like that.
Uh, do you have any, uh, anything by uh, Vennberg? Karl Vennberg? I don't think so.
Vennberg? Yes.
He's a Swedish, uh, poet.
Modernist.
Sounds pretty obscure.
Have you read a lot of him? Uh, not a word, but, uh, I--I've meant to.
You know, you should have lied.
I would have been very impressed.
Okay.
All right.
Well, I should go.
Oh, I'm not gonna let you leave without buying something.
Oh, okay.
I've been thinking about that thing that you said.
Which thing? I say so many things.
About taking a vacation from yourself.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I thought it was profound.
Profound? Really? Well, I-- maybe not profound but, um It was intriguing.
I'll take it.
Um, what's that poem by that guy? - Could you be a little bit more specific? - All right.
It's--it's one of a series of monologues by dead people and they inhabit this small town, but they're poems.
- Oh, yes.
"Spoon River Anthology".
Of course.
- Right.
Right.
Oh, yes.
Over here.
Yeah.
There's this one poem that I'm thinking of where the guy is describing the gravestone that is cut for him how the meaning of his life is measured in, uh, the chances he took and I was sculpting, and it just hit me-- You know, we're out of it.
I'm sorry.
Could I order it for you? Um no, that's okay.
- Uh, go on.
I'm sorry I interrupted.
- No.
You know, I don't--I don't even know what I was saying.
I like what you were saying.
I'll--I'll just, uh, I'll just-- I'm gonna take this and a couple of these.
Okay.
Okay.
Yeah.
Do you want a bag? Oh, no, no.
That's--that's fine.
It was nice to see you.
Same here.
Bye.
Bye.
I have not been able to get you out of my mind.
I don't know what to do about you.
You don't? Sometimes things just happen.
Sometimes things, you know, work out.
You really can't predict it.
You can't explain it.
That feels so good.
You're all tense.
Yeah, I'm just having the worst time.
I'm supposed to do this household budget for the mediator but I can't seem to sort everything out and Jake's being so difficult.
I'm just Do you think the mediation's going to work? I don't know.
The whole idea of it is to be civilized, you know? But the other day, here Jake and I are screaming at each other in front of this stranger, and we actually had to end the session.
Come here.
What, you didn't want to kiss me? No.
No, no, no.
I did.
I did.
Just something went through my mind.
What went through your mind? Nothing.
It was--it was crazy.
It was just off of something you said.
Something went through my mind.
Do you think maybe there are some things that we should talk about? You know, it might help to move on.
Probably at some point.
You know what I think? I just think we need time together.
We need to be with each other.
That's what we need right now.
I agree.
Just-- just a little bit more? Oh, I was supposed to ask you about your friend the artist.
- Sam? - Yeah.
What about him? For Judy.
She's maybe interested.
So So Thank you for driving me home.
You're welcome.
And thank you for staying with me at the bookstore.
Well, I had fun.
Yeah.
Me too.
- Oh, I got you something.
- What? You stole this from my store.
Well, if I hadn't it wouldn't have been a surprise.
That's very sweet.
Judy, I--I have to, um What? I have to go.
I--I don't want to.
Oh, no.
You don't have to.
Yeah, I should go.
- Okay.
- Okay.
All right.
So bye.
Bye.
Hello? Jude? I forgot to tell you to pack up the returns.
Done, and I shelved the stuff from Penguin.
I'm so proud of you.
Well, it's what I live for.
Hey, how was your date? Moderately successful.
What does that mean? I don't know.
But I did your bidding for you.
Oh, yeah? Um anything good? Married.
What? Rick's friend Sam-- married.
Very married.
Whatever that means.
Judy? Uh, yeah, I've just, uh, got to get m-my mud mask off.
Okay.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Okay.
Bye.
I'm 35.
I'm 35.
Oh, I'm 35.
35.
I'm 35.
35.
Uh, do you have one of those itty bitty book lights? 'Cause I've got this itty bitty book and I--I can't seem to find a light for it.
I want you to leave right now.
Judy I'm so stupid! In some way, I can't even blame you, 'cause I was probably wearing blinders.
I just didn't even think about it.
Let me explain.
No.
You know, there's nothing to talk about.
This is done! Did you think I wouldn't find out? Well, I didn't know this was gonna happen.
Look, we didn't sleep together so nothing happened, all right? Just--just go away.
Don't you wear a ring? I mean, don't people do that? Isn't that something people do? Um, my fingers-- while I'm working, I can't-- I--I guess if I said I was gonna tell you that would just sound like a-- What are you thinking? Do you just walk around--are you so self-absorbed, so self-serving? Hi.
Uh, you know what? I should prob-- Bye.
Bye.
What was that? Oh, God.
What? When did something happen? No, nothing happened.
Obviously something happened.
Judy? You okay? I don't want to talk about this with you.
Okay.
You don't have to.
My car wouldn't start.
He gave me a ride home.
We talked.
He was funny.
You didn't sleep with him.
No.
Oh, good.
I may as well have.
I don't understand how all this happened in two days.
You didn't even say anything.
Oh, Judy You just throw yourself into these things and now look what you're doing to yourself.
I don't need you to explain it to me.
You're just so passionate and open and people take advantage of that and you can't help but let them do it.
Have you been smoking? Oh, stop.
Judy, I'm just trying to help.
But you're condescending.
I know I go on and on about my horrible dating life and I know you have to listen, and I'm sorry but I'm hurting, so for once, could you just give me some support and not judge me? Hi, Miles.
Forgive the intrusion.
Um, I messengered a piece of building material to you earlier.
Have you had a chance to look at it? Yeah.
Uh, travertine.
Where do you think we might use it? Well, there's a lot to consider, Miles.
Uh, travertine is a wonderful element in contrast to a more contemporary design but everything we've been talking about and--and the requirements of the structure, you know probably aren't suited for something like travertine.
I like travertine.
Well, I guess, then, I should get back to work.
Have we heard from Samuel Blue? No, we haven't, but, uh, it's only been a day.
I think he seemed resistant.
To me, he seemed, uh, quite willing.
Perception is everything, isn't it? Let's give him a couple of days.
If you think it matters.
I do.
As always, it's been a pleasure.
And there's no-- there's no-- this is so undignified, I know, but if I could just see you for the purpose of explaining myself not that you owe me anything.
It's just I don't even See, this is why I need to talk to you.
Judy, you there? Please pick up.
Okay.
Call me.
Hi, sweetheart.
It's your mother.
You're probably out somewhere.
Anyway, just to let you know now, I hope this is okay with you I gave your number to my friend Helen Crumholtz's son Keith Crumholtz, the pharmacist.
I may have mentioned him.
I think I did.
Hi, it's Sam again.
I'm sorry.
Uh, I'm probably doing myself in here - Sorry.
Hey.
- Hey.
Sorry I'm late.
That's okay.
So, is this place all right? Yeah, it's great.
Listen, is that, um is your friend Sam a good friend? Sam? Yeah.
I've know him since college.
Did he--has he said anything about Judy? Judy? No.
Why? Well, apparently, he and Judy hit it off.
Hit it off how? Well, she says they didn't sleep together but something happened.
Oh, I doubt it.
Not Sam.
Is there any possibility that Judy would imagine that something happened? No, it's not a possibility.
She's not an idiot.
Well, I-- it's just unbelievable.
I'm just wondering--is this something he--he's done a lot? Lily, we shouldn't jump to conclusions.
I mean, we're not even sure what really happened.
Well, we know he led her on in some way.
- How do we know that? - 'Cause he's married! Okay.
All right.
I don't want to fight about this.
Okay.
We won't fight.
What? Nothing.
Right.
What? Nothing.
You're mad.
I'm--I'm not mad.
I just--I thought we were gonna have a nice dinner.
So what's stopping us? I don't know.
Is this about what we were talking about last night? It is now.
Rick, I think we need to talk.
about what's happened with Jake.
We've never talked about it.
You may be right, but I just don't feel like it.
Well, I don't think things are gonna go back to normal until we do 'cause it's not safe to talk about anything beyond the weather.
Lily, I--I really don't want to get into this now.
I can imagine the things that are running through your head.
- I know I would be-- - Stop, please.
Please stop.
Well, you must have questions.
It's eating away at you.
I know it is.
I can see it.
You really want to know what's in my head? I keep trying to picture where you did it.
Was it on your bed? On the floor? And it's not because I want to know it's because I keep seeing this-- I keep seeing this expression on your face and you're right.
It is eating me up inside and I don't know what to do about it.
That's what's in my head.
Hi, you've reached me, and I'm not at home so leave a message if you have something to say.
I know I don't have the right but I'm just asking to see you just for five minutes.
Okay? Just five, and I'll never bother you again.
It's just it's something that I need to do.
Not that you owe me anything.
That's obvious.
Well, I didn't have to say that.
Obviously.
Okay.
Mommy? Hey, monkey.
I think I have attention deficit disorder.
Oh, yeah? Yeah, she can't get enough attention.
That's her disorder.
It's so cold in my room.
Hop in, and let's snuggle.
Well, this has a certain fastidious capability don't you think? I don't know what you just said, but you break it, you bought it.
And, uh, I haven't done any sketches yet, if that's what you're after.
Well, I just came by to see how you were doing.
Had any ideas? I haven't been thinking about any.
You sure this is something you want to take on? No, I--I'm not, but I'm going to.
I can give you more time, you know.
I know you haven't been quite comfortable with all of this.
All of what? Miles Drentell trying to bend your art to his will.
Well, you know, Ricky, I really appreciate you looking out for me and my integrity but, uh, that's my problem.
So it is a problem.
You know, I just--I just find it a little disconcerting that you hold me up to some measure of how an artist should live his life when you're jumping through more hoops than anybody.
How's Janine, Sam? That's manipulative, okay? You want to ask me about my marriage about what's going on with your girlfriend's sister then go ahead and ask me.
What's going on with you and Judy? None of your damn business.
Well, I was just wondering, Sam what the hell it is you're doing.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I just know that this is the first time in my life I've felt this way and I'm not just gonna let it go by.
Hi.
Hello.
I have to open soon.
Right.
Right, right, right, right.
You know, I I wanted to tell you.
You know, I tried to tell you.
But you chose to deceive me instead.
Judy I wish you could know that this is not who I am.
I'm not sure I care who you are right now.
Fair enough.
But you let me come down here, so Go on.
I spent the last 10 years buried in my work, thinking that it was enough.
But really I was hiding in so many ways.
My wife and I don't love each other anymore.
Okay.
Okay, that's not-- I shouldn't even bring that up.
But I was afraid to look at everything.
But I have.
I--I've been looking, and I see now that, uh somewhere along the way I lost myself and nothing in my life has any meaning for me.
You know, that's a that's a painful thing to wake up to I gotta tell you.
And I'm really sorry, Judy 'cause none of this really has anything to do with you except that we happened to meet at this moment, and I can't explain it, but I feel-- I feel light on the inside all the time and, uh the thing I hate is In telling this truth to myself I've had to lie to you.
Why are you telling me all of this? Because I need you to know that the last few days were more than something sordid and-- and I think you needed to know that you were wanted.
I found that book we were talking about.
It's--it seems stupid to give this to you now, but, uh I marked the poem, and, uh I hope you'll read it.
And, uh I'll understand if you don't.
I'm sorry.
Hello again.
Hi, Miles.
Have you spoken to our friend Samuel? Yes.
Yes, I have.
And is there a problem? No, not at all.
I told him to take all the time he needs.
Why would you do something like that? Because I think if we give him enough space, he'll do his best work.
Perhaps I'll pay him a visit.
Did you hear what I just said, Miles? Yes, I did.
Did you hear what I said? Yes.
I'm beginning to wonder if we understand each other, Rick Sammler.
I think we do, Miles.
I must run.
Uh, this is a longer conversation, isn't it? Yes, it is.
Very well.
It's never been so clean in here.
You can actually see through the windows.
I brought strudel.
I'm sorry I didn't call you back last night.
That's okay.
You know, if you'd rather not be here I can cover for you.
Oh, I'm all right.
Thanks.
Are you? I'm not gonna go away.
I'm not gonna stop worrying about you.
That's my job.
I'm fine, really.
It's been a strange couple of days.
I've just been in a mood or something, you know feeling vulnerable for some reason but I'm-- I'm good, you know? I mean, in fact, things are really looking up.
Mom gave my number to her friend Helen's son the pharmacist.
Oh, Judy.
Come on, already.
Judith Lauren Brooks, come here.
Oh what are you gonna do with me? What am I gonna do with me? Well, you know, a pharmacist does make a very comfortable living.
I'm sorry that I keep doing this.
I'm sorry I can't think of anything to say because I don't want to say there are other fish in the sea because there are.
Well, I'm not so sure about that.
I'm so scared, Lily.
What if I never find the one? You know, what if I--I don't even know how to look? Because when I think I find him it turns out to be the complete wrong thing and what if, at some level, I--I knew that you know, like all along, subconsciously? Oh, don't say that.
But I'm so screwed up, Lily.
You know that.
Really sometimes I think I'm never gonna let myself have the things I want and I can't help it, because I never even know it until it's too late.
I do.
I want to get married and I want to have kids.
I want all those things.
How do I get them? I wish I knew.
I really wish I knew.
Let me clean this stuff up.
You look like you could use some help.
Oh, I don't think you can help me with this.
I can try.
That would be wonderful - because I can't even figure how much to budget for food.
- Oh, that's easy.
like a million dollars.
Okay.
"$1 million".
Kids with Jake? Yeah, they are.
I'm so glad that you came over.
I love that you did that.
I miss you so much when I feel like we've been fighting.
Have we been fighting? I can't remember.
It's confusing.
What? To have something to say and not be able to say it.
What do you want to say? That I love you very much.
and I can't live without you.
"I've studied many times the marble which was chiseled for me.
" "A boat with a furled sail at rest in a harbor.
"In truth it pictures not my destination but my life.
" "For love was offered me "and I shrank from its disillusionment.
"Sorrow knocked at my door, but I was afraid.
"Ambition called to me, but I dreaded the chances.
Yet all the while I hungered for meaning in my life.
" "And now I know that we must lift the sail "and catch the winds of destiny wherever they drive the boat.
"To put meaning in one's life may end in madness "but life without meaning is the torture of restlessness and vague desire.
" "It is a boat longing for the sea and yet afraid.
"