Reaper s01e15 Episode Script

Hello? Andi, Hey.
Yeah, Everything's On Schedule.
Dinner Might Be A Little Bit Late.
No, I Want To Cook For You.
Heh, No.
No, You Won't Get Food Poisoning.
All Right, I'll See You In A Bit.
"Debone Chicken.
" All Right.
Aaah! Why? Why Did You Betray Us? Tony? Tony! I Swear I S Tricked By The Devil! Look Into My Eyes.
I Didn't Betray You! I I Know.
I Know, I Know, I Know, Sam.
Come Here.
Did I Hurt You? I Didn't Mean To Hurt You.
Needs A Little Garlic.
What's It Say Next? Uh, Debone Chicken.
Ok, Easy Enough.
Oh.
That's How You Do That.
I'm, Uh, Leaving My Apartment, Dropping Out Of Society Altogether.
Except For My Bon Appit Magazines.
They're What Keep Me Sane.
But It's Just Not Safe To Be Around Anymore.
Where Are You Gonna Go? Oh, Steve And I Had This Little Ramshackle Place In The Country.
WeWere Gonna Retire There.
But Now It's Perfect For What I Need.
To Fight Against The Devil.
To Do What? To Defeat Him.
I'm Going To Rebuild The Army.
Pass The Paprika.
Sam: Tony, I Think The Better Way To Defeat The Devil Is With Steve's Plan.
Random Acts Of Kindness, Pay It Forward.
That's What's Going To Stop The Devil.
Andi: Hey.
Hey! You're Early.
Yeah, Sorry, I Just Felt Guilty With You Doing Everything On Your Own.
No, It's Fine.
Were--Were You Talking To Someone? Just Me.
Just, I Was--I Was Reading TheCookbook.
Oh.
'Cause I Heard 2 Voices.
Yeah.
I Like To Give Different Voices To The Ingredients.
[Deep Voice.]
Grr, Zucchini.
Well, Itmells Great.
Yeah.
Um It's The Paprika.
So Are We Still On For Lunch? Definitely.
Anything You Want From The Meat Truck, My Treat.
You, Sir, Are An Amazing Boyfriend.
Heh.
Bye.
Bye.
What's Goin' On Here? Take A Look.
Hey.
Both: Hey.
So, You're Back Together, Huh? Yeah, Decided To Give The Poor Thing One More Shot, See How She Handles Herself, You Know? I Hope You Guys Both Know How Lucky You Are To Have Strong, Proud, Intelligent Women.
It's Hard To Find Love.
I Should Know.
Don't--Just Don't, Man.
Don't Mope.
Don't Go Down That Road.
You Want To Find A Girl, We Will Help You Find A Girl! You Must Have Your Eye On Somebody.
I Got Nothing.
Of Course You've Got Nothing.
You Choose To Got Nothing.
All Right, Man, Come On, Show Me The List.
What List? What List?! What List? You Got This List.
The One--Benji! The One You've Had In Your Back Pocket For 10 Years, All Right? So Let's See, What Would You Like? You Would Like A Girl Who's Funny, Sure, Smart, Piercing Green Eyes, Delicate Wrists, Independently Weathy, A Trained Masseuse.
Essential.
Uh-Huh.
A Fan Of Mixed-Martial Arts.
Tough.
Familiar With The Works Of Ms.
Sue Grafton.
Intellectual.
Sue Grafton, Really? Oh, Alphabet Novels Are Sick, And G Is For Gumshoe Is So Off The Hook.
[Sighs.]
Point Is, Ben, We All Want To Date This Girl, But It Isn't Gonna Happen, You Know Why? She Doesn't Exist.
Now Listen To Me, Ben, I Am Going To Spit Some Scientific Fact At You.
The Longer Most Men Are In A Relationship, The Happier They Get.
The Opposite Is True For The Lady Folk, Ok? So We Would Just Like To See You Happy Making A Woman Miserable, Like We're Both Doing.
So, Kill The Ridiculous List, Ok? Kill The List.
Devil: Head's Up.
Ow! Nice Header There, Becks.
Oh, Look At You, Man.
I Kick A Soccer Ball Right At Your Head, And You're Grinning Like An Idiot.
I'm Not Grinning.
[Laughs.]
Maybe This Will Put A Smile On Your Face.
You See Number Five Over There? And The One Over There By The Jungle Gym? And That One Over By The Tree? Sam: Don't Tell Me They're All Souls.
No.
They're All Related.
They All Have Different Mothers, But The Same Father.
Ok.
But They Don't Know That, See? As A Matter Of Fact, I Don't Think Any Of The Mothers Know That, Either.
That This Man Is The Father.
He Now Goes By The Name Jack King.
Yep, Ol' Jack's Not Only Their Father, He's Also The Proud Father Of A Few Hundred Other Children.
A Few Hundred? Yeah.
He's A True Narcissist.
A Man After My Own Heart.
I Mean, What Is He, A Serial Rapist? Wow.
You Go To The Dark Place Fast.
No, Nothing Like That.
No, Jack's Method Of Conception Is Somewhat Less Conventional.
I Can Assure You That The Sperm In Our Bank Comes From The Highest Caliber Contributor.
Here Is Our Donor Book.
You Can Start Flipping Through, But I Have To Say, I Think I Have The Perfect Guy For You.
Yeah, I'd Have To Say, He's Pretty Much The Total Package.
Sock: So Where Do We Find Him? Devil Says Jack Opened Up Shop Again At A New Sperm Bank.
Oh, Fun.
Whoa.
Vessel.
Huh? Oh.
What? That Doesn't Look All That--Whoa! Oh, Sweet Lord In Hell! Oh, Thank You, Devil.
Thank You So, So Much.
May I? Yeah.
Oh, Yeah.
He's Duncan Mcleod, The Highlander.
The Highlander Doesn't Have A Scythe.
He's Duncan Mcleod, The Highlander, Who Now Has A Scythe.
All Right, Let's Just Get On With It.
Ok, Take It Easy, Easy.
Sweet, Let's Go.
Hi.
You Ready For Lunch? Oh, Um, Actually, I Already Ate.
Oh.
It's My Fault.
I Challenged Sam To An Eating Contest.
I Won, Heh.
Yeah.
Yeah, Sock Brought In A Bunch Of Food.
It Was Paella.
It's Spanish For Rice.
But I Promise You I'll I'll Make It Up To You, Ok? Ok.
No Problem.
Hey, So, Uh, Did The Devil Happen To Mention To You What This Semen Demon's Special Powers Are? I Don't Think So.
Ok.
'Cause My Head Has Gone To Some Pretty Awful Places With This One.
Hi, Uh, We'd Like To Become Donors.
Mm-Hmm.
Fill These Out.
Just So You Know, We Have An Extremely Rigorous Selection Process.
Oh, That's Good.
So Do I.
What College Did You Attend? Harvard.
I Went To Oxford.
Yeah, But I Also Went To Yale Medical School.
I Research Alternate Power Sources.
I Have A 4-Foot Vertical Leap.
[Whispering.]
Hey.
There He Is.
[Unsheathes Scythe.]
Jack: Come In.
Sam: Hey, Jack.
Hello, Heh.
You're Not Here For A Deposit, Are You? I Don't Know, We May Be Making One Big Deposit Today-- You Back To Hell.
Hmm, No.
Come On, You Don't Think I Really Belong In Hell! I Was Just Trying To Make The World A Better Place! And I Did! No, No, Please, Don't Do This! I--I Have Children To Think Of! Hundreds And Hundreds Of Children! Did You Mean To Cut His Head Off?! Uh! Whoa! Oh! They're Over Here! Both: Aaah! No, This Way.
Sam: I Don't Know What To Do! I Cut Him! Cut Him Again, Cut Him Again! You Morons! You're Carving Up A Masterpiece! You're Destroying-- Aah! All Right, Now, Now, Hold On One Second.
Before You Send Me Back, Tell Me How Do I Look? Stupid Question.
I Know I Look Great.
Sock: So We Good? Sam: Yeah.
I Feel Kinda Hungry.
What Do You Want To Get? I Don't Know.
I Feel Like Ham For Some Reason.
Let's Do It.
Ben? Hmm? Want The Rest Of My Pretzel? I Can't Finish It.
Are You Kidding? I Know You Love Your Pretzels, Are You Sure? It's My Fifth One Of The Day.
Oh, My God, Come On, That Is Not Safe.
All Right.
What's That? Uh, Nothing.
It'sIt's Nothing.
What? Let Me See.
No, It's Just This Stupid List About Everything I Want In A Girlfriend, And It's Long, And I'm Going To Cut It Down, So I-- This Is Really Great.
Really? Mm-Hmm.
You Know, Because The Guys Think It's Unrealistic, And They Think My Standards Are Too High.
Really? Oh, Ben, They Are Wrong.
This Girl Is Out There.
You Just Gotta Go And Find Her.
Yeah? Mm-Hmm.
Soul Mates Exist.
I Really Believe That.
Have You Met Yours? Yeah.
When I Was 12.
I Was At The Mall, And I Was Sipping An Orange Julius, And I Looked Up And There He Was.
Phil Collins.
You Hang On To Your List, Benjamin.
Your Phil Collins Is Out There, Ok? Oh, That's So Funny.
What? I Have Almost None Of These Things.
Hmm.
For You, Milady.
Oh! Ow! What Are You Doing?! I Saw You! What, What?! I Saw You, Sam! You Killed That Man! Ow, Ow.
You Saw That? Yeah! How Could You Do Something Like That? Huh? How? I Promise You-- I Promise You, There's An Explanation.
Fine.
Please, Explain To Me How You Chopped Some Guy's Head Off! Right.
Right, Exactly.
Ok? Think About That.
Think About How Crazy That Is.
Me? Sam Oliver, Chopping A Dude's Head Off? I Mean Who Does That? Ok? I Mean, Come On.
There Has To Be An Explanation For That, And There Is.
Then What Is It? Um That's The-- That's The Thing, IsI Can't Tell You.
Ok.
I Have No Other Choice.
I Have To Call The Police.
Wait, Wait, Wait, Andi, No, You Don't! All Right? What You Saw Me Doing Today, That Was--That-- That Was My Other Job, All Right? Listen, And I Need A Little Time To Talk To My Boss, And Once I Do That, I Can Tell You The Truth.
Sam! None Of This Makes Sense! Yeah, But It Will! I Promise, Ok? JustAndi, I'm Begging You, Please.
I Need A Day.
Just Give One Day.
I Mean, Do You Really Think I Would Do Something Like This? You Have 24 Hours.
What's This? It's The Vessel, All Ready To Go.
Just Shoot It On Down.
What's This? Nothing.
Just A Message For The Devil.
Kind Of Personal.
All Right, Fine, I-- I'm Kind Of In A Bind Here, And I Really Need To Talk To Him About Something, And I Didn't Know What Else To Do, So I Wrote Him A Note.
Can You Please-- Can You Please Just Send It? [Sighs.]
Whatever.
Thank You.
Next.
Are You Familiar With This Actress? The Woman Does Everything.
Amazing Range.
It Worked.
You Got The Note.
And You've Got A Problem.
The Soul Is Still Out There.
What Do You Mean? I Caught Him.
I Dropped Him Off.
Not All Of Him.
You Missed A Piece.
Hey.
This Isn't A Hook-Up Spot.
You Want To Get Your Jollies Off, Do It In The Alley.
What Did You-- Did You Kill Him? Is He Dead?! I Don't Know, Sam, I'm Not A Doctor.
He's Still Breathing.
Oh, Thank Heavens.
Now, Look, Can We Just Talk About The Fact That The Soul Is Still On The Loose? I Told You I Got Him.
Really? This Footage Was Taken Less Than An Hour Ago.
Hey, That's Him.
How Is That Even Possible? Jack's All About Multiplying.
He's Like A Starfish.
Cut Off A Limb, Grow A Whole New Jack.
You Must Have Missed A Piece.
Ok, Fine, Fine.
I Promise, I'll Catch Him.
But I Need To Talk To You.
Something Happened.
I Need To Tell Andi The Truth About You.
What Do You Mean, Something Happened? Well, She Sort Of Saw Me Chop Jack's Head Off.
And Why Did She Sort Of See That? Because She Followed Me.
Because You're Getting Sloppy, Sammy.
Jeez! She Said She's Going To The Cops! [Sighs.]
I Don't See Another Option.
I Have To Tell Her.
I Mean, I Promise, I Can Make Her Keep The Secret, But I Don't--I Don't See Another Way.
Well Maybe We Can Work Out Something.
Anything.
Well, One Day, I Will Come To You And I Will Need A Favor.
Done.
Before You Say Yes, Think On This-- Could Be A Big Favor.
In Fact, It Probably Will Be.
Well, Hell, Let's Be Honest, It'll Be Terrible.
Doesn't Matter, I'm In.
All Right.
All Right.
Well, Then You Keep Andi From Talking, And You Can Tell Her About Us.
But You'll Owe Me.
Do We Have A Deal? Yeah.
We Have A Deal.
You Promised The Devil A Favor.
Is That--Is That What You're Telling Me? That's Great, Sam.
Another Deal With The Devil.
That's, Um, Always A Good Plan.
What Choice Did I Have? It's The Only Way He Would Let Me Tell Her The Truth.
I Have To Tell Her.
Today.
You Want Us There When You Do It? Yeah, I Could Use A Back-Up.
You Got It, Homeboy.
Hey, Ben, Could I Use Your Conditioner? Hi, Guys.
Oh, Hi.
Yeah, Um, It's The One In The Green Bottle With The Kelp Extract.
Nice.
Thank You.
What? It Just Helps To Tame The Frizzyness And To Really Maintain Manageability-- Not The Shampoo, Dumb Dumb, The Girl! When'd You Hook Up With Sara? What, No? No, I--No.
I JustGot Married.
What The Hell Are You Talking About? She Needed A Green Card, And I Felt Sorry For Her, Ok? And, Look, It Just Happened All Really Quickly.
Ok, So She's Living Here Now? Just For A Little While, You Know, Just To Make It Look Real.
You Are Too Stupid To Exist.
Why? I Like Sara.
I Think She's Great.
I Think She'd Make An Excellent Citizen, And She Paid Me 1,600 Bucks.
You Know, I Take It All Back, Buddy.
That Is Awesome.
That Is Outstanding.
She Is Beautiful! Beautiful! We Got Married! Sam: Andi, Before I Tell You What I Have To Tell You You Should Take This.
I'll Take It.
Ahem.
Andi, What I'm About To Tell You Is Going To Change Everything You Think You Knew About The World, The Universe, Life, Death, Everything.
It'll Explain All Those Times I've Been Weird Or Showed Up Late To Something.
It's That Part Of My Life I Told You I Couldn't Talk About.
Sam Works For The Devil.
What? What? It's Not That Big Of A Deal.
[Sighs.]
My Other Job That I Was Telling You About I'm A Bounty Hunter For Hell.
Andi, Hold On! Where Are You Going? Is This Your Idea Of Some Sick Joke? Before I Was Born, My Parents Got Into Some Trouble.
And To Get Out Of It, They They Sold My Soul To The Devil.
Oh, Shut Up.
Hey, I'm Not Joking, Ok?! Wait A Minute! When A Soul Escapes From Hell, I Have To Capture It.
What You Saw Us Doing The Other Day, That Was An Escaped Soul.
You Only Have A Few Hours Left.
If You Don't Come Up With A Real Explanation, I'm Going To The Police.
Wait, Andi! Andi! How'd It Go? Where The Hell Were You Guys? I Was Dying Over There.
She Didn't Believe Any Of It.
Sorry, I Had To Wait For The Chili Cheese Fries.
My Wife Called.
Oh, Where Are You Going? To Get The Stupid Soul.
Devil: You Do Know That The Creator Didn't Make You In His Image, Right? The Bible Was Just Being Nice.
Where's Jack? The Soul's Not Gonna Come Back Here, Sam.
He Knows You're Onto Him.
Any Other Bright Ideas? Yeah.
I Found His Date Book.
Shows Due Dates For All His Upcoming Babies.
But You're Too Distracted By This Business With The Girl.
She Didn't Believe You, Did She? No.
They Never Do.
So What's Your Solution? I'll Think Of Something.
I'm A Little Concerned This Thing With Andi's Going To Continue To Be A Problem.
I Want It Handled.
I Said I'll Take Care Of It! Yeah, I Know, You've Said That To Me Before.
Too Many Times.
I Just May Have To Handle This ProblemMyself.
Aaah! Man On Phone: Seattle Pd.
Hello? Andy It's Me Again Please Give Me A Call Back When You Get This.
You Can Go To Police, All Right? You're In Danger.
Not From MeDirectly.
Just Give Me A Call Back, Ok? Guys, I Can't Find Andi Anywhere! Ok, Relax, All Right? Take A Deep Breath.
Relax?! What If She Goes To The Police? Uh, Sam, I Wouldn't Worry About That.
Are You Kidding Me? You Know Know What Happens If She Goes To The Police? The Devil Is Going To Fix The Problem, Ok? And We All Know What That Means.
He Has A Very Different Definition Of "Fix" Than We Do.
All Right, Sam, Listen To Your Uncle Sock, Ok? Everything Is Going To Be All Right.
Andi's Life Is In Danger! She'll Be Fine.
WeKind Of Solved That Problem.
What Does That Even Mean? Solved It How? What Are You Doing?! Let Her Go! Sam, Sam! Hey, Hey, Hey! This Is The Only Way To Stop Her.
What, Tying Her Up And Throwing Her In The Trunk Was The Only Way? She Is Very Comfortable In There, Ok? I Threw Her Fresh Blankies, Some Pillows, A Little Bundle Of-- Potpourri.
Potpourri.
Solving The Problem? This Isn't Solving The Problem.
This Is Adding A Felony On Top Of The Problem! Better This Than What The Devil Would Do To Her.
He's Right, Sam.
Ben Speaks Truth.
This Is A Solid Plan.
All Right, All Right, So What's The Plan? What Are We Going To Do With Her? Uh We Didn't Actually-- We Didn't Think Through That Far.
Hey, Hi, How Are Ya? Brought You A Juice Box.
[Muffled.]
Sam, What Are You Doing?! Get Me Out Of Here, All Right? I Can't Breathe In Here! Ok, Here, Here.
God, What Are You Doing?! Get Me Out Of Here! Andi, I Can't.
No, Listen, You Know What, You Know What, I Believe You.
Ok? You Work For The Devil.
Andi, I Know You're Lying, Ok? I'll Know When You Believe What I'm Saying.
Fine.
If You Can't Let Me Out Of Here, Then Can I Please Have That Juice Box? The Potpourri Back Here Is Burning My Throat.
Yes, Absolutely.
Closer.
Get Me Out Of This Trunk Right Now! I'm Going To Rip Your Throat Out, You Mother-- Let Me Guess, The Wife? Yeah, She Wants Me To Bring Home Some Half And Half.
[Laughs.]
Oh, My God, The Nerve.
All Right, Look, You Tell Her May Buy Her U.
S.
Citizenship, But It Does Not Buy Your Wonder Twins, All Right? Yeah.
Tell That Lazy Fog Breather, Go Get Your Own Half And Half.
Sam! Sam! Sam! Sammy, We're Here.
Andi, Let Him Go! Keep Breathin', Buddy.
We Got You.
Breath! Andi: When I Get Out Of Here, I Swear I'm Going To Kill All Of You! That Was Horrifying! Really, Sam, Horrifying? Really? You Stick Your Head In There, Man! You'll See Your Own Death! I Don't Want To Stick My Head In The Trunk! Wait, Wait, Wait.
Wait, That's--That's It.
That's How We Make Her Believe, We Scare It Into Her.
Right Here? So That's Tony's Little Gourmet Hideaway, Huh? Yeah, I Asked The Landlord Where He Was Forwarding Tony's Magazines To.
Oh, Good.
Always Wanted To Build A Log Cabin.
Hey, What's That? They're Demons.
Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, What Are You Doing? What Are You Doing?! No, No, No, No.
It's Not Safe For You To Be Coming Here Like This.
Ok, It's Ok.
We're-- Shut Up.
Get In A Circle.
Out Of Range From You-Know-Who.
Ben: What's His Problem? [Exhales.]
Ok, It's Safe.
What Is Wrong With You? The Devil Might Have Followed You Here! What's He Going To Find Out Here? All Of The Recruits, The Soldiers For The New Rebellion.
Look, Don't Get Me Wrong, We Are Happy To Have You, It's Just A Little Risky, Is All.
Tony, We're Not Here For The Rebellion.
You're Not? What--What Are You Here For? We Kind Of Have Another Problem.
Ok, All Right, All Right, Ok, Now! Ok! Let Me Go, You Psychos! Hold On, Doggie, Whoa! Take It Nice And Easy-Like, All Right? Oh, She's Got Nipple! Ok, Ok, Calm Down, Calm Down! It'll Be Clear To You In A Few Seconds.
You're Going To See Proof, Ok? Andi, You Remember Tony? Please Tell Them To Let Me Go! I Do Not Want To Be Here.
They Will, Andi.
We Just Need To Show You Something First, And Then You'll Be Free To Do Whatever You Choose.
What? Show Me What.
Andi Tony Is A Demon.
He's A Demon From Hell.
Show Her.
Show Her.
Ok.
[Clears Throat.]
[Inhaling.]
Oh, Word Of Warning, Please Do Not Pee On My Carpet, I Just Put It Down.
Ok.
Where's A Good Spot? [Clears Throat.]
Ok.
Phhbbt.
[Grunting.]
Sock: Oh-Ho! Sweet Home Alabama! [Crying.]
Tony! See? It's True.
Why? Ah, That Always Happens.
And It Always Hurts.
I Gotta Go Get Her.
Oh, Don't Worry.
There's Nothing Around For Miles.
She Has Nowhere To Run To.
Uh, Did You Leave The Keys In The Car? It's Possible.
Thanks For The Lift.
Oh, Well, Believe Me, It's Always A Pleasure Hanging Out With You Boys.
Hey, Don't Be Strangers.
We Won't.
Tone-Ster.
Can You Do That Thing One More Time? Please? For Me? Come On! Please, Once? All: Oh! Ha Ha! Oh, Now I See Why Steve Loved You So Much.
That's Inappropriate.
That's A Compliment, Tony.
I Know, But It's Still Offensive.
Hey, Thanks Again, Tony.
No Problem.
Sam? I Hope Everything Goes Well With Andi.
Be Patient.
[Sighs.]
I'm Sick Of Being Patient.
It's Like Every Time I Get Close To Her, Something Happens.
I Don't Know.
Maybe It's Not Supposed To Happen.
Do You Love Her? Yeah.
Do You Know How Rare Love Is? You Can't Just Turn Away Just Because You Hit A Few Speed Bumps.
Steve And I, We, Heh, We Had Our Issues, But We Worked Through Them Because We Knew At The End Only Love Matters.
Love Is Worth Any Sacrifice.
[Chuckles.]
Oh, Look At Me.
Diarrhea Of The Mouth.
All Right, I Better Get Back, Because, Um, I Get A Little Nervous When I Spend Too Much Time Out Of The Circle.
Be Safe.
You, Too, Sam.
And Hey, Wi@Need You.
Viva Le Resistance.
No Sign Of Andi, No One's Seen Her.
She Never Clocked In For Her Shift, Either.
Yeah, And She Never Went Home Last Night.
She Could Be Anywhere.
I Doubt She Went To The Police.
I Mean, What's She Gonna Tell Them? "Oh, I Saw A Big, Gay Demon.
" Ok, She's Probably Hiding, Praying Heavily Right Now.
Jack's Calendar.
I Forgot About This.
If We're Gonna Keep The Devil Off Our Backs, There's One Place We Need To Be.
Is--Is She Dilated? How's Her Breathing? Who Are You? The One She'll Be Thanking Later! Oh! Which One's Yours? That One Right There.
AndThat One.
And Maybe That One.
Jack's Got A Busy Week.
Real Bumper Crop Of Babies.
All Right, We Need To Split Up.
I'll Take The Emergency Exit.
Sock, You Take The Front, Ben, Go Around To The Side.
Got It.
Where Have You Been? Wha-- You Promised Me You'd Take Care Of This Andi Situation.
I Tried To, But She Ran Away From Me.
I Can't Find Her.
Oh, I Fixed That Problem.
She's In The Trunk.
This Is Your Last Chance To Get It Right.
Andi! Are You Ok? I Don't Know! Come Here.
I Don't Know How The Hell I Got In Here! Are You All Right? You're Safe! You're Safe.
Look, I'm Sorry You're Freaked Out.
I Didn't Know How Else To-- You Know, Sam, No, It's Ok.
I Understand.
Ok, After What I Saw, And What Tony Is I Believe You.
Andi, Listen To Me.
You Have To Promise Me You Will Not Tell Anyone About This.
Ever.
I Promise.
You Do? That's Great, That's Great! Listen, I--I Have To Go Do Something, But When I Get Back, Why Don't You Come Over, And We Can Talk About This-- No.
No, No, I Can't.
Why? I Can't Handle It.
It's Too Much.
Andi, I Love You.
I Know This Is A Weird Time To Say It, But I Love You.
I'm Afraid Of You.
Excuse Me.
Where Is The Place That Women Have Babies? Aren't You A Little Old To Just Be Figuring That Out? No, I-- I Know Where Women Have Babies, I Was, Um, Referring To Where The Room Is, Yeah.
It's Down The Hall.
Just Make A Left.
Ok.
All Right.
Cool.
Hey, Is That A Sue Grafton Novel? Y Is For Yes.
How Do YouFeel About Mixed Martial Arts? Hey.
Hey.
Have You Seen The Baby Ward? Huh? Oh, No, I Thought I Was Following Around A Pregnant Woman For A While, But Turns Out It Was Just A Bloated Dude With A Bad Case Of The Farts, You Know? It's Him.
Run.
Jack, Don't-- [Sighs.]
Don't Run.
Stay Back! Jack, It's Over, Man.
You're Not Getting Past Us! [All Screaming.]
Ugh.
Good-Bye, Old Friend.
I Got It.
Oh! Come On, You Little Sneawhere Are You?Tch.
Oh I'm Sorry, Don't Mind Me.
I'm Just Having A A Bit Of A Rat Problem.
You Have Delicate Wrists.
How Do You Handle Jujitsu? Benji, Need Some Help! Runaway Hand, Come On! I Will Be Back, And Me And You, Ok? You Can't Hold Me Off Forever, Jack! Jack: I Think You're Right.
Sam? Andi, Get Out Of Here! Wait Here, I'll Be Right Back.
It's In Here.
Yeah, Yeah, It's In Here.
Ok, Let's Go Ahead And Bag Him, Yeah? Ha Ha! Where Are You? Get Out Of Here! Ben: Naked Guy! Sock: Naked Guy! Naked Guy! Naked! Naked Guy On My Back! Somebody Help! Doctors! Oh-Ho, Benji! Oh, Ben, That Was Horrible.
Oh, God.
It Looked Horrible.
I Can Still Feel It.
Is There A Mark? Andi! Think She'll Show Up? Andi? Sure, She'll Definitely Be Here.
You Know She Said She Was Afraid Of Me? Oh, Come On, You're Loveable.
Oh, Who Could Be Afraid Of This Guy Right Here? Look At Him! Look At That Little Cheek! Hey, Hey.
What? Oh.
The Old Ball And Chain.
I Got Some Wedding Rings! From Ebay.
Cool, Well Well, Speaking Of Cool, Um, I Wanted To Thank You For The Pep Talk The Other Day.
'Cause I--I Didn't Give Up On My List.
And I Found My Phil Collins.
And Her Name Is Cassidy.
Yay.
I Am Very Happy For You, But No.
What? Oh, You Know, You're Married.
Um, Not Really.
Um, Yes, Really.
Look, Think.
What If Immigration Come Crawling Around? They Are Cracking Down On These Green Card Marriages! Listen Up, Problem Solved.
You Tell Them That You Have An Open Green Card Marriage.
Thank You, Sock.
Listen.
You Made A Deal, And I Expect You To Live Up To It.
I'm Sorry, But I'm Gonna Go On A Date With Cassidy.
I'm Not Letting You Go.
Fine, Then I'll Just Report You To Immigration.
Fine, Then I'll Report You Extorted Money From Me, And We'll Both Go To Jail.
You Know, Screw It, I'll Just Give Her Back Her Money.
Well, Well, Now, Benjamin, Let's Not Make Any Rash Decisions Here, Ok? 'Cause At The End Of The Day, There May Not Be All That Much "Money" To Give Back.
We'll Talk About It Later While We Enjoy Our Floor Seats At The Blue Collar Comedy Tour.
Lowest Common Denominator.
Yeah! Oh.
Andi! Hey.
Um So So Weird Day? Sort Of.
Although, You've Been A Weirdo For Months, Sam.
It's Just Now At Least I Understand Why.
You Were Trying To Protect Me.
It's True.
It's Completely True.
Although, I've Gotta Say, I'm Stunned You've Managed To Survive This Long.
I Mean, I Should Have Never Been Afraid Of You.
I Should Have Been Afraid For You.
Yeah, It's A Miracle Any Of Us Are Still Alive.
Yeah.
Outside The Hospital When You Told Me That You Loved Me Did You Say That Because You Meant It, Or Because You Didn't Want Me To Go To The Cops? Both.
Uh-Oh.
Look At This.
Look At How Sweet You Two Are.
I Knew That Locking Her In The Trunk Of My Car Would Work Out For The Best.
You Loved It, Didn't You? Come On.
Don't Sweat It, It's Just Part Of The Job.
Really? Mm-Hmm.
So Does This Job Pay Anything? Yes.
Sam Has To Get Us A Beer Whenever We Demand It, So, You Know.
Beer.
All We Can Handle.
Beer.
More Beer! Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer.
Throw Your Hands Up, Beer, Throw Your Hands Up! Devil: Darling Yeah, What A Lovely Place.
So Rustic, So Remote.
What Are We Doing Here? Sam, Sam, Sam, I Think You Know The Answer To That.
Remember How Quick You Were To Give Up That Favor? So Impetuous.
You Really Ought To Think Before You Act.
There's Something Going On In There.
Beyond The Circle I Can See Or Hear.
I Need An Inside Man.
I Want Details.
Names, Dates, You Know, That Sort Of Thing.
You Want Me To Spy On Tony? You Want Me To Betray My Friend? Oh, Please, Don't Be So Melodramatic.
But, Yes, If You Want To Use Those Words, Yes.
Ugh.
Hey, Come On.
That's The Deal You Made, Man.
You Tell Andi Your Secret, You Owe Me A Favor.
Or We Could Discuss The Consequences For You And Andi If You Refuse.
Well, Sam? It's Your Answer? Sam? Hey! Thought I Saw You Out Here.
Why Don't You Come On In? I Don't-- I Don't Know-- I Think You Could Be A Real Help.
Come On Inside.
There's, Uh There's Some People I Really Want You To Meet.
Come On.
Cold Out Here.
Sam: Yeah, It's Freezing.