So Help Me Todd (2022) s01e15 Episode Script
Ivan the Terrible
1
Previously on So Help Me Todd
- He's my client.
- It's the mayor.
It seems like just yesterday
that you were my secretary.
I'm not a client.
You're not? Then who are you?
Oh, you're Peter.
Hey.
(TYPING ON KEYBOARD)
(ALARM BLARING)
Crap. Ivan the Terrible. He's back.
- What area?
- 115-G.
He must've left a backdoor
after his last hack.
Found him. Damn, he's inside.
He's set up 30 proxy servers.
He's bouncing everywhere.
I caught his thread.
- Watch out for the decoy.
- Yeah, I see it.
God, he's good.
I've got a lock.
We've got a location on Ivan.
Sending the address to
agents in the area now.
Are we gonna get him? Are
we gonna finally catch Ivan?
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
Oh, well
good morning.
Hey, did you leave a copy
of Zen and the Art of
Motorcycle Maintenance
in the conference room yesterday?
Your initials, "L.B."
which also means "pound," by the way
were on the inside cover.
- It is 9:00 a.m.
- Okay, and ?
And yes, I'm in a book club.
Really? Oh, okay.
I'm sorry, I just can't
imagine you reading anything
that doesn't involve blaster
wounds from Star Trek.
Phaser wounds. Star Wars is blasters.
And my point exactly. What is your
- (CELL PHONE CHIMING)
- Oh, oh.
TODD: Oh, motion detected.
You have a nanny cam in your nook?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I just installed it.
Don't make a big deal out of it, okay?
Look, look. That is
the "Forbidden Drawer."
The one you told me on my very
first day I can never touch or open.
No one's allowed to touch or
open that drawer. Not me, not you.
But Agnes can?
Why didn't you report
this to me immediately?
Because you never
believe anything I say.
- (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
- True.
Ooh, but look, look, Lyle.
Lyle, look. Every Tuesday,
Agnes sneaks in there,
takes files from that drawer,
and puts them in a big blue envelope.
And then, every other Thursday,
she sneaks the files back in.
I'm the only one who's noticing
because you stuck me in there.
So, what's going on?
Is she stealing high-level firm secrets?
Oh, yes, yes.
She's probably a dangerous Russian mole.
My God, I hadn't even considered
an international angle.
We've been stagnant for
too long. We need to evolve.
Then let's expand to places that matter.
San Francisco, Seattle.
Denver makes no sense.
Do we have any projections?
It makes perfect
business sense, Beverly.
- You just lack vision.
- BEVERLY: Oh, please.
You wouldn't know business
sense if it bit you on your
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING OVER CELL PHONE)
- (CHA-CHING SOUND EFFECT)
- (CARTOON RABBIT LAUGHS)
Oh.
- RABBIT: You got paid.
- Oh. I'm I'm sorry.
- (CHA-CHING SOUND EFFECT) -
RABBIT: (LAUGHS) You got paid.
Sorry, I So sorry.
- Um I'm sorry.
- RABBIT: (LAUGHS) You got paid.
Still making lots of noise.
Okay, just, excuse me.
I'll just be right back.
Oh, this is not my scarf.
I don't have that.
Hey.
Hi. Um
Hey. (CHUCKLES)
Hello. Hello?
Hello.
Is there anything
you'd like to say to me?
Or discuss?
About what
happened?
No.
- (CHA-CHING SOUND EFFECT)
- Why?
RABBIT: (LAUGHS) You got paid.
(BOTH GASP)
Oh, my God, Mom. I'm sorry.
- (SCREAMS) Todd, my blouse. Uh
- Ah. Okay.
Come-come-come-come
here. Come, come, come.
- Okay, hold on. I have stuff.
- Oh, gosh.
Hold on. Um no.
- Get if off, get it off.
- Here, here, here.
- Get it off.
- Um
Uh Get it off.
Don't wipe, don't wipe. Lift, lift.
- Okay, well, I don't know
- Not me,
you ding-dong, no. Just give me that.
Oh, never mind.
- Stained forever.
- Wait, what is that sound?
Is that your phone?
Yes, it is. I don't
know what's happening,
so I came to ask you.
This bunny has been
screaming at me for
the last five minutes.
- Is that a virus?
- No.
Someone named "Ivan the Terrible"
just paid you two crypto coins?
Why would Ivan the
Terrible pay me 50 cents?
No, Mom, two cryptos is like $30,000.
It's a virtual payment using blockchain.
Blockchain? I don't understand.
Eh, no one does. It's like
explaining time travel.
- Okay.
- FRANCEY: Oh, there you are.
- Margaret
- Yes?
the Federal Detention Center called.
Somebody claiming to be
your client is in custody
and asking to speak with you.
Your client "Ivan the Terrible"?
And every other Thursday,
Agnes leaves after
lunch with, guess what?
I'm gonna go out on a limb
and say, "Blue envelope."
Yes. So, there's an empty drawer,
an envelope,
Agnes is snooping around, but why?
I'm telling you, something
fishy is going on.
The only thing going on is you having
too much time on your hands.
And why would this Ivan the Terrible
send me $30,000 out of nowhere?
Who is he?
He is a super-hacker extraordinaire.
I checked out some message boards.
Guy's an absolute legend.
Well, he has been
charged with five counts
of violating the Espionage Act,
stealing defense files,
he's looking at 30 years,
and I am not representing him.
I mean, who sends "crack-to"
currency like that?
- Crypto currency.
- Crypto. Well, it's crap either way.
And then files papers saying that
I'm his attorney when I am not.
I just want to clear this
all up and get out of here.
(GASPS) Wait, Todd. Stop.
It's her.
Natalie Harris.
One of my tri-delt
college friends. (GROANS)
And the most conniving
woman you'll ever meet.
You have a nemesis?
Yes, well, we competed at everything.
Debate, field hockey, boys.
And it pains me to say that
I was often on the losing end.
Because she was smarter?
Because she played dirty.
You know, I have to say,
I have a little bit more respect for you
knowing you're this passionate
about an arch-frenemy.
Is that Margaret Fairway?
(WESTERN SHOWDOWN MUSIC PLAYING)
You haven't changed a bit.
Margaret, I hear you're an attorney now.
A career change so
late in life, how brave.
- And this is?
- My son, Todd.
You must be very proud.
Wow. I really am.
Me and the girls at the
sorority house called your mother
"The Little Engine That Could."
Oh.
- No matter how big she'd fail,
she'd just keep on trying.
It was so cute.
(ALL LAUGH)
And-and you're still with
the Department of Justice?
- An Assistant U.S. Attorney?
- Yes, that's right.
Oh. (CHUCKLES) Well,
none of us ever doubted
that Natalie would make it.
She was always willing to do
anything just short of murder to win.
Maybe even that.
(ALL LAUGH)
Well, I'm questioning a suspect,
a hacker on the NSA's most wanted list.
A tiny bit more complex
than the slip-and-falls I'm
sure you're wrestling with,
but you'll get there in time.
Ivan the Terrible?
Yes, that's the one.
Oh.
Well, I hate to pop
your balloon, Natalie,
but that's my client.
- But you said
- And no one talks to Ivan but me.
Are you sure you're ready to
take on the U.S. Government?
You've been practicing for, what,
seven minutes?
It was so nice to see
you again, Natalie.
Until court, then. (CHUCKLES)
Oh, yay, you came! I was worried
because I feel like I've
been here for a million years,
but you made it.
You're Ivan the Terrible?
That's just my handle.
I was gonna be "NOOHASF,"
"Number One Original Harry
Styles Fan," but it felt basic.
I'm just Ava Morgan, IRL.
"In real life." Wait, so,
you're the one who hacked
the Department of Defense?
Oh, my God, I know, but
they totally deserved it.
Okay.
Uh, well, let's just back up here.
- I'm Margaret
- AVA: Wright.
Filed for divorce two months ago. Sorry.
You've got a stellar win-rate
of 93%, don't like carnations,
and your Yelp reviews are awesome,
five stars, and it's super cool
you work with your
family, which makes you
- Todd.
- AVA: Todd.
Only 334 hours before
getting your PI license back.
You live in your sister's garage,
which seems kind of sketch, TBH.
"To be honest."
Wait, so it was you who hacked
the Miss Universe pageant?
Ugh, like a million years ago.
I was in this lame make-up-y stage.
Uh-huh. And and
where are your parents?
I sort of don't have any.
I mean, I did have a mom,
but she died a few years ago,
and then I had a bunch of
different foster parents,
nothing tragic, but they were extra,
so I emancipated myself at 17.
And how do you support yourself?
Yeah, where'd you get all the
money for these crypto coins?
Companies hire me to fix
their computer security.
I'm a white hat hacker, totally legal.
(CHUCKLES) Hacking into the
Department of Defense is not legal.
AVA: They are the worst.
Did you know they put
dangerous chemicals
underneath the Laurelhurst Zoo?
- Was not aware.
- No, I didn't.
And animals got sick.
I was gonna give the
information to the news,
but I got sloppy and forgot
the first rule of hacking
everything leaves a trace.
- Oh.
- AVA: That government lawyer lady who was
just here with the tragic
sense of style seems really mad.
I was just trying to
help the animals, I swear.
Oh, and I have this.
It's proof.
All the hidden Defense
Department files about the zoo,
but nobody knows I kept a copy.
- Ooh
- This could make our case, right?
Yes. Well, we'll just
take a little peek,
um, before we return it, of course.
Uh, but let's get you out of here first.
The federal government has
declared war on my client,
a teenager.
And to suggest that she be detained
throughout these
proceedings is frankly cruel.
NATALIE: The defendant is dangerous
with no ties to the area or
family and is a flight risk.
And she was previously convicted
of hacking Crystal Bay Tuna Company.
- Objection.
- Because of the mercury poisoning.
Ms. Harris should not have divulged
that information in a public hearing.
Ava was only 12 at the time.
That record was sealed.
Agreed. But as a condition
to her release and to ensure
she does not go online,
she must be supervised 24 hours a day.
No Internet.
That is acceptable to the defense.
NATALIE: Actually, Your Honor,
it's come to our attention the
defendant's counsel is in possession
of stolen, classified
government property.
Well, how did you know
Is this correct, Counselor?
My client was acting as
a de facto whistleblower
attempting to expose the
U.S. Government's crime
in illegally storing harmful chemicals
and endangering the public's safety.
Under the WPA,
she is entitled to
protection from retaliation
and access to evidence
to use in her defense.
It's a complicated issue.
We'll schedule an evidentiary hearing.
Until then,
I'll hold the documents here.
- I've got bad news and news.
- Uh-huh.
Judge Reece took the thumb
drive. We have no evidence.
We're starting from scratch.
Okay. And the other news?
You are babysitting Ava for
the duration of the trial.
Wait, what? No. I can't babysit.
You don't put a
thoroughbred behind a plow.
- Won't you need me?
- Well, Lyle will handle the investigation.
- (SIGHS) Lyle.
- And this will be a good lesson for you.
Being responsible for
somebody else for a change.
Being the adult.
And no more of that
blue envelope nonsense.
AVA: I'm starving. When's lunch?
Are we gonna be staying in your
sister's garage the entire time?
Because that would be so tragic.
I don't really eat
meat, unless it's bacon,
but I could make an exception,
but you should really watch
those dark web videos about
how hamburgers are made.
So intense.
You look kind of pale. Are you okay?
Is it the murder hamburgers?
You don't really have to
watch it. It's just interesting
because cows are my
favorite kind of farm animal.
SONG: This is insanity.
Representing a notorious hacker
against the Department of Justice?
Alistair, I share some of your concerns,
but our client is acting
as a whistleblower.
Don't you understand
how difficult these cases are to win?
I'm worried you've bitten
off more than you can chew.
Ah. I'm guessing you've been contacted
by Assistant U.S. Attorney Harris,
under the guise of
professional courtesy, no doubt.
You're putting a bullseye
on the firm's back.
We don't want to get audited, do we?
So now we're taking advice
from opposing counsel?
This isn't a discussion.
You are forbidden from
continuing with this case.
Forbidden? Forbidden?
Ignore the man. He's been an anchor
around this firm's neck for years.
- I'll take care of it.
- He was very definitive.
This is exactly the type of
case you should be pursuing.
Alistair may have helped
launch your career,
but when your name has
come up for promotion,
he hasn't been quite so supportive.
I don't think he's comfortable
with his former
secretary surpassing him.
- Wow. I had no idea
- I know.
Ask yourself,
why isn't your name above the door?
TODD: Of course, Mr. Millis.
We'll fix it right away.
Thank you. That was
the downstairs neighbor.
Did you re-program the elevator
to only stop on this floor?
Um, yeah, and you're welcome.
It's super convenient now.
Yeah, for us.
Exactly.
- And-and what's going on here with these ?
- (LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS)
Oh, my God, did you
break all of these lamps?
Actually, I fixed them.
What's the point of having a
smart speaker if you don't use it?
Lumos Maxima.
BOTH: Like in Harry Potter.
Okay, uh, that is
cool, but, uh Lumos Minima? Whoa.
Okay, no, no. New rule,
from now on, don't touch anything
with a power source, okay?
Ugh, that's so boring.
And if I don't find out what
Harry Styles is wearing today,
- I will die.
- What?
- Can you look for me?
- No.
- You can just describe it to me.
- No, I'm not doing that.
- Please
- No. What
This is a sickness.
I'm not feeding this addiction, okay?
Something is seriously
Okay, anything to make you stop.
What am I doing here?
Go to "Harry Style's
Style dot com slash style."
- Wow, three "styles." Interesting.
- Mm-hmm.
Well, he was wearing
a few outfits today.
This shirt is, uh, brown.
- Okay.
- Uh, it it's brown-ish.
- And?
- And, like, a collar
- that's kind of asymmetrical.
- And?
I don't know. It's not
all going in one direction.
- What color is it?
- It's a it's a
- it's like a creamsicle brown.
- (KNOCK ON DOOR)
Ugh, you're so bad at this.
- (CELL PHONE CHIMING)
- Wait, hey, hold on a second.
It's not even Tuesday.
SONG: Don't let anyone see you.
Song.
- AVA: Thanks. Bye.
- (DOOR CLOSES)
Did you order a pizza?
Hold on, James & The Giant Pepperoni?
It's my fave.
How did you even
SMART FRIDGE: Your pizza is delivered.
Did you hack the fridge?
Oh, my God, relax.
It uses an RFID system
to know when you're out of
milk, so I just tweaked it
to know when we're out of pizza.
There's a stupid simple
motherboard in the back.
Okay, no, no, no, no. New, new rule:
don't go near the fridge
and don't eat that.
That is illegal pizza.
Oh, my God.
MARGARET: If we can
prove that the government
stored dangerous
chemicals on public land,
that is a clear violation of
the Solid Waste Disposal Act.
And no court will convict
"Ava the whistleblower"
for trying to stop the
government from hurting people.
- Nope.
- (SNEEZES)
Good God, Lyle.
- What happened to you?
- Apparently, I'm allergic to zebras.
- You went to the zoo?
- Yes.
And I learned that zoo
employees had to evacuate
because of a supposed gas
leak about eight months ago,
but the gas company has no record of it.
SUSAN: Ooh, wait, wait, wait,
wait. In her witness affidavit,
Ava claimed that she saw
a DOD memo authorizing
a "cleaning crew" being sent to the zoo.
They created a gas leak,
so the employees would evacuate the zoo.
Has anyone fallen ill at the zoo?
- (SNEEZES)
- Good God. Bless you.
Four buffalo died recently.
They blame it on algae in the water.
They're just covering their tracks.
And how did Natalie know
that we had Ava's thumb drive
with all the proof on it?
Maybe they didn't know about it.
Until Ava mentioned it to us.
Do you think that it's
possible that Natalie
was listening in on us
in the interrogation room?
- SUSAN: That's illegal.
- Uh, seems awfully extreme.
MARGARET: Oh
You don't know Natalie.
She is up to her old dirty
tricks again. I can feel it.
We're going to have
to be very aggressive
if we want to beat her.
Francey.
Uh, how aggressive are we talking?
Well, if she listened in
on a privileged conversation
with my client, then that
is grounds to remove her
as a prosecutor. Francey!
Uh, Margaret, I don't
think that's a good idea.
Susan, how else do
you explain the timing?
She is a cheater.
Francey, I need you to set an
emergency hearing with Judge Reece.
- Right now?
- Yes.
- We should really rethink
- And tell Todd
to meet me at the court.
- Can somebody tell me what's going on?
- (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
We have a snake to catch.
(SNEEZES)
MARGARET: Bless you.
(CAR RADIO STATIONS SWITCHING RAPIDLY)
Will you please stop
changing all the presets?
I don't want to hear
Justin Bieber constantly.
Stop. I like classic rock
and I like smooth jazz.
Just leave my presets alone, please.
Not to be mean, but your
car kind of makes me sad.
Yeah, me, too.
But when I save up
enough, I plan to get a
BOTH: 1969 maroon Mustang.
One of the jail guards was nice
and let me borrow his phone.
I may have looked at
your search history.
Really? Well, word to the wise,
don't look at people's stuff,
okay? Oh, hey, there she is.
Agnes with that blue envelope.
Where is she going? Hold on a second.
What are you doing? I thought
we had to be at court right away.
Yeah, well, the hearing's
not for another two hours,
so we're taking a little
fact-finding detour.
And you are not allowed
to touch anything.
There you go.
AVA: What are we doing here?
Follow me. Be cool.
- Next.
- Hi, there.
Oh, no. Use the stanchions, please.
- What? Seriously?
- Yup.
They're there for a reason.
Okay, here I go.
Hey. Uh, that was my
colleague that you just helped.
Agnes. Kind of yea tall,
not a big fan of smiling.
Has kind of a this face.
Yeah, like that. Anyway,
poor thing, she's not
completely with it anymore,
and she always forgets to get
a copy of the deposit slip,
so if we could just get that
So, you work with her? Both of you?
Yes, this is our summer intern.
- Yeah, I'm super into the law.
- That's right.
And we've turned casual
Friday into a whole month.
- (CHUCKLES)
- How old are you?
Excuse me. Don't answer
that. Don't ask that.
You know, reverse age discrimination
is not a victimless crime.
No. No, no.
I mean, seriously, it's the
21st century. How dare you?
Yeah. It's gross.
I am so sorry. You're absolutely right.
Let me (CLEARS THROAT)
let me print that for you.
- Please, and quickly. (CHUCKLES)
- Okay.
I mean, in this economy
Thank you.
Hold on, are you sure the money
was supposed to be deposited
in the account for
"Crest, Folding & Sonk"?
Not "Crest, Folding & Song," with a "G"?
No, it's Sonk. S-O-N-K.
- MANAGER: Alexis.
- Excuse me.
TODD: What is Song up to?
So, your job is to lie
to people? That is so fun.
Hey, you could find
anything online, right?
- Yeah.
- Okay, uh, so I need a favor.
I need to know where
this money's coming from,
or where it's going, so can you teach me
how to use an ATM or,
like, the water fountain
to hack into the bank's records?
- You want to hack into the bank?
- Mm-hmm.
No way. Their security is for real.
Are you telling me
that Ivan The Terrible
can't hack into a little old bank?
Oh, Margaret. An emergency hearing?
You always did have a
flair for the dramatic.
Like when you accused me of fixing
the Tri-Delt officers election.
You told everyone I had lice.
My boyfriend Theodore dumped me.
For the record, you did
scratch your head a lot.
It made people very uncomfortable.
Oh, come on, Natalie.
We're not 20 anymore.
You're a professional
woman, for God's sake.
Lying and cheating
That sounds awful.
But shouldn't we be getting inside?
I wouldn't want to miss
your big, shocking reveal.
The hearing's not for another hour.
No, I asked Judge Reece to move it up.
I hope your little client can make it.
I'd hate to see you
embarrassed and empty-handed.
Uh
Call Todd.
This is where your hacker friends live?
This haunted murder shack?
CHEESE: Oh, my God. Ivan!
We heard the Feds got
you. You beat the rap?
It's still sort of a thing.
Want us to unleash some
digital justice on their asses?
Uh, I think we got it covered, thanks.
- Anyway, this is Todd.
- Hi.
Richter.
- Omega.
- Cheese.
Cheese?
What's up, Cheese?
Anyone have a pony module I can borrow?
Thank you.
What's this?
- It's for your phone.
- What?
They're kind of suspicious.
No, I'm not sus.
I'm a hacker. I hack.
All right, fine, I'll play along.
No, no, no, no, no.
You are not allowed to be online.
- Please get up. Could you just walk me through it?
- Oh, my God.
- You're so extra.
- I'm extra?
There' a guy named Cheese here.
AVA: Just open up a dialogue box.
Okay.
(PHONE VIBRATING)
Ms. Wright, any thoughts on when
your client is planning to arrive?
Um, my apologies, Your Honor.
They should be here any moment.
Margaret being stood up.
Just like old times.
REECE: Okay, look, let's just begin.
(SIGHS)
AVA: Why would your mom's boss
open up a phony account in Denver?
Not sure, but it's definitely not good.
And all the deposits are below 10K,
so it doesn't raise any
federal or banking flags.
Wow. You, like, know stuff.
Uh, yeah. A lot of stuff.
Did you guys park outside?
'Cause the car alarm's going off.
- Is it a blue piece of crap?
- Mm.
Uh, yeah, that's me. Thanks, Omega.
Appreciate it.
- (CAR ALARM WAILING)
- Come on.
Stupid car.
(SIGHS SHARPLY)
(MUTTERING)
(ALARM CHIRPS)
(HIP-HOP MUSIC BLARING)
♪
- (ALARM CHIRPS)
- Uh
Hey!
(STRAINING)
God, I feel so bad for him out there.
But this is the only way we're gonna get
the defense files back.
(GRUNTING)
♪
Oh, come on!
(CRIES OUT)
She violated confidential communication
- between me and my client.
- NATALIE: Your Honor,
I'm offended by the suggestion
I did anything illegal.
These are very serious
allegations, Counselor.
Do you have any concrete proof?
No.
But I would love to hear from
the Assistant U.S. Attorney
a completely legal explanation as
to how she knew I had the files.
As would I, Ms. Harris.
(THE CLASH'S "I FOUGHT THE
LAW" BLARES OVER CELLPHONE)
I fought the law and the law won ♪
(SONG PLAYING OVER EVERYONE'S PHONE)
Oh, oh
Breaking rocks in the hot sun ♪
- (GASPS, GRUNTS)
- (CAR ALARM STILL BLARING)
(CRIES OUT, GRUNTS)
AVA: Dang.
They patched their security.
- (OTHERS LAUGHING)
- Oh, my God, what did you do?
Please tell me you
didn't do something dumb.
We needed them to feel our wrath.
You locked me in my car?
Ava?
What did you do?
And because Judge Reece
suspects that Ava was involved
in this stupid prank,
he has revoked his release order,
and she will be placed back
in jail tomorrow morning.
Mom, you don't understand. Agnes
Todd, I don't have
time for this nonsense.
Just take Ava back to my condo,
and we'll discuss it later.
Come on.
I was just trying to get the files back.
I'm sorry.
So, what now?
I have subpoenaed the Defense Department
for the hidden documents,
but they'll just deny their existence.
Look, Margaret, I hate to say it,
but do we need to consider a plea?
Damn it!
I know Natalie smells blood right now.
But maybe it's the best
thing to do for Ava.
I will start preparing one.
Wait.
So that little girl is going to spend
the rest of her life behind bars?
Francey, Natalie is going to win,
and there is nothing more I can do.
Nothing?
Nothing at all?
Uh, wait a sec.
Just stay right here.
- Okay. Sure.
- Okay.
Whatever.
Susan? Hey, Susan.
I don't have time right now, Todd.
Hey. Hey, hey, hey. Hey.
You kissed me in my office,
and now you're just like,
"No, it never happened"?
I mean, what's going on with you?
Do you have any witnesses?
Any evidence?
Can you prove that it happened?
What? No. Yes. I mean, look,
I'm Portland's number one investigator.
If I need evidence, I'll find it.
But why should I?
It didn't happen, Todd.
It couldn't have happened,
because if it did,
- that would mean that I
- ALLISON: Hey, Todd,
where's Mom? Susan.
- Hi. How are you?
- Hey. Work.
For sure, yeah.
Did I interrupt something?
I really don't know.
What are you doing here?
Mom called. She wants me
to help you watch something
or supervise you
Mom's having you babysit me
while I'm babysitting Ava?
That is rich. You know, I
make one little mistake
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Uh, hold on. Wait, where is she?
- Uh, Ava?!
- Is Ava a teenage girl?
Because she maybe got on
the elevator when I got off.
Oh, no.
Okay, I'm not running
in these shoes; I cannot.
That's her last known address.
She is not there.
Any known family in the area?
Nope. And her only
friends, the rando hackers,
cleared out of their
graffiti-tagged nerd dungeon
right after their little prank.
Well, if we don't find Ava,
they're going to issue
a warrant for her arrest.
(SIGHS) Man.
Just out of curiosity,
why do I need to be here right now?
Because I cannot be trusted
not to strangle your brother
if we were alone. I mean,
what possessed you to take Ava
to that hackers' den?
O kay. Thank you so
much for asking that.
- Sorry if this is blue-envelope related
- Ugh.
but your boss, Song,
has opened a firm
bank account in Denver.
- Denver?
- Yes.
Only the name is slightly
off so no one will find it.
But there's all these
weird, small deposits.
It reeks of embezzlement.
Why is Denver so suspicious to you?
Oh, because he wanted to
No, he would never.
Embezzlement? Alistair?
Come on, Mom, how
many times has that guy
passed you up for a promotion?
He was worried about
the firm being audited.
But no. Embezzlement? Alistair?
You broke Mom. She's on repeat.
Just turn her off and back on again.
- Why does she want to strangle you?
- I took her client
our client to a hackers' lair.
A lair?
- A nest of hackers.
- Okay.
- A digital hive, if you will.
- Oh, sure.
And you antagonized the
Assistant U.S. Attorney.
Oh, I'm the one who antagonized
your college nemesis?
What? Mom, you have a nemesis?
How did you bury that lede? Who is it?
TODD: Some sorority sister, Natalie,
who literally beats Mom at
Absolutely everything.
Whenever I'm around her,
I feel like
an insecure 20-year-old all over again.
- Maybe it is my destiny to lose to Natalie forever.
- (ALLISON SNICKERS)
- What is so funny?
- I'm just having
a hard time picturing you as
20, or insecure, or losing.
- No, it's kind of endearing.
- Dimension-bending.
Once, in college, my sorority threw
- a homecoming hall decorating contest.
- That's a thing?
And I created an absolute masterpiece.
It was the Taj Mahal
created entirely from balloons,
and I was a shoo-in for the prize.
It was a $50 dollar gift
certificate from The Gap.
Uh-huh.
But the night before the judging,
somebody popped all of my balloons.
- (GASPS)
- Yes.
- No.
- All 100 of them.
And Natalie won.
And I knew it was her.
But I could never, never figure out
how she she popped
all of those balloons
without waking anybody up.
Oh, my God. Pizza.
- Todd!
- What is wrong with you?
- I am right in the middle of
- I was enjoying listening to that.
No, no, no, no, no. I know where Ava is.
Okay, all right. This
is her favorite place.
Maybe someone will
know where she is here.
Well, she will be halfway to Mexico
before we ever get in.
I know, I know. Um Oh, Mom!
- Hmm?
- You're hypoglycemic.
What? No, she's not.
Todd, I'm not feeling
very well. You'll catch up.
Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Uh, sick mom on board.
- Can you just
- (WEAKLY) Sorry.
Excuse us. This woman is
apparently hypoglycemic.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Woozy. Woozy.
I actually wouldn't
recommend pizza for that.
- It's a blood sugar thing.
- Hey, no cutting.
This woman is dying.
- (MARGARET GROANS)
- Do you want her blood on your hands?
We just have to get
her some greasy pizza
- to cure her medical ailments.
- Here, Mama.
Thank you so much. I'm a doctor.
Okay? I am. I'm a medical professional.
I genuinely am.
- Woozy. Woozy.
- Sorry. Thank you.
I cannot believe this is my life.
Yeah, well, welcome to the dark side.
Woozy. Oh
Good evening.
Todd, picture. Is there any chance
that you have seen this young lady?
Yeah, no. Sorry, we get
a lot of folks in here
- I know that girl.
- Yeah?
Yeah. I've delivered to her a bunch.
Man, someone needs to teach that kid
the meaning of the word "tip".
Okay, do you happen to
know where you might have
delivered to this person?
It would be hard to forget.
- MARGARET: That's the address.
- TODD: A cemetery?
This can't be it.
Can it?
Okay, so Ava's a vampire?
Apparently, yes. Now
everything makes sense.
- You know, wait, Todd.
- What?
- Uh, I think I'm gonna go by myself.
- What?
No, I need to have a little
attorney-client conversation.
A little heart-to-heart with Ava.
I'll be right back.
TODD: Great, yeah, sure.
Make me babysit her all
week, and then you go in
on the one-yard line.
For the record, Mom's comfort with
walking into a graveyard
at night is disturbing.
Yeah, I know.
Wait, have you eaten that entire pizza?
Was some of it supposed to be for you?
Well, it wasn't all
supposed to be for you.
God, you're so extra.
I'm sorry, I'm not used
to being on your stakeouts,
- so I just
- Inhaled everyone's dinner?
- Yeah, got it.
- Okay.
(SIGHS)
When's the last time
you were in a cemetery?
Dad.
Yeah. Me, too.
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
You know, I was just thinking about, um,
about how I used to be such a pain.
- Used to be?
- Ha, ha, ha.
No, I'm babysitting Ava,
and she's just all over the place.
And I I really
wanted to just, you know,
ground her a few times,
- like Dad did to me all the time.
- Yeah.
Used to make me so mad.
And then, when he was gone
it felt like, um,
someone took
the guardrails down,
and I was just, like,
swerving all over the place.
That is exactly how I feel these days.
Hey.
You're grounded.
Thank you.
Ava?
I'm sorry.
I know I shouldn't have left before.
It's just my stupid
hacking hurts everyone.
You're being too hard on yourself.
Why did you pick me to represent you?
Because I saw how you helped Todd
when he was in trouble.
'Cause you're a good lawyer
and a good mom.
And you thought
maybe I could watch out
for you the same way?
My mom,
she was really great.
I'm sure she was.
It was just the two of us.
She had to work a lot.
I just wanted to spend
more time with her,
so I hacked her schedule
so she could move
from the primate house
to the buffalo paddock.
The hours were better.
Your mom worked at the zoo?
Yeah. I'm sorry I lied before.
She was an animal caretaker.
So when she started
working with the buffaloes,
she got sick.
Cancer.
The doctors said it was because
she smoked as a teenager,
but it wasn't lung cancer.
And so you-you started
hacking, looking for answers,
and that led you to the
Department of Defense.
(SIGHS)
Before she died, she gave me this,
to remember her by.
She wore it all the time.
If I hadn't hacked her schedule,
- she'd still be alive.
- Ava.
Chemicals killed your mother, not you.
This is not your fault.
But you said she
she wore this ring all the time.
Yeah. Why?
Because someone very
clever once told me that
the first rule of hacking is
everything leaves a trace.
I got an alert. The results
are in on Ava's mom's ring.
By all means, knocking is optional.
I just got an alert. The
results are in on Ava's
Oh, the gang's all here.
I haven't opened it yet.
- Why not?
- Why not?
- Excuse me.
- Okay.
- There's the attachment.
- (MARGARET GASPS)
- There. Results.
- Wait.
- MARGARET: Oh.
- Positive for Dioxin.
Ava was right. This is
the proof that we need.
- Ha!
- Ah. That is louder than you think.
- Sorry. Do you know what this means?
- Hmm?
Natalie's reign of
terror is finally over.
Now, every time she looks at the stain
on her perfect win
record, she'll think of me.
- And Ava goes free.
- Yes.
At least until she decides
to hack the White House.
Oh. Or an aircraft carrier.
Come on, you really think
she's just going to stop?
Also, where's she gonna live?
Well, it's not like we're
sending her out on her own.
She'll have, um
She'll have
She'll have no supervision.
No parents, no rules,
no idea how to make
her way in the world.
Let's just high-five again.
What's that?
That, my dear Natalie,
is your deflated balloon.
(CHUCKLES) I don't have time for this.
That ring belonged to Linda Morgan,
an animal caregiver
at the Laurelhurst Zoo,
and Ava's mother.
She died two years ago of cancer.
When you test the ring,
you'll find that it's covered
in the same chemicals
found in Agent Orange.
Even if it was true, the
amounts would be tiny.
A rounding error. Who
knows where that came from?
We also discovered
that Linda's belongings
were shipped to her brother
in Arizona after she died,
including her zoo gear.
Boots, gloves.
We've sent them out for testing,
and we both know what they'll find.
You've lost, Natalie.
Cheating won't help you this time.
If you're so certain,
why are we even having
this conversation?
(CHUCKLES) Because
today is your lucky day.
I am offering you a draw.
First, I want the DOD to scour the zoo
to ensure that there are no
traces of the chemicals left.
And I want a plea deal for Ava.
You'll reduce the
charges to a misdemeanor,
unauthorized use of a computer.
You've got to be kidding.
And I want the DOD to hire
Ava to do what she does best.
Hack into the most sophisticated
websites on the planet.
She'll make a much
better ally than enemy.
Why would I do any of this?
I'd rather just take the loss.
Because you know what's on those files.
Not to mention that
my my son-in-law works
for the Portland Sentinel,
and I just know they'd love
a first look at this story.
"Chemicals Found at the Zoo."
"Child Left Orphaned."
Which side of this do you want to be on?
Fine. You have a deal.
On one more condition.
You will tell me how you
popped all of those balloons
without making a noise.
You just spray a little
WD-40 on the knot.
The plastic dissolves
slowly, and the air leaks out.
(CHUCKLES)
This was fun. We should do it again.
Anytime, anyplace.
(QUIETLY): Yes!
Hey, is that the number one
original Harry Styles fan?
So I guess I'm gonna
be working for the Feds
in the antihacking department
for at least two years.
I heard. How do you feel about that?
I've never had a
regular job or anything.
Or coworkers.
Who knows, I'll probably hack the place
and blow the whole deal up.
Well, that's not exactly
what I wanted to hear,
but I'm gonna focus on the
"regular job" part there at the top.
Your mom had enough to
get the charges dropped.
I guess I'm just
wondering why she didn't.
Well, because and I can't
believe I'm saying this
but sometimes rules help.
I mean, yeah, sure, waking up
to an alarm clock is the worst,
but people having expectations for you,
- it's not so bad.
- Oh
One last job before I go full
government drone person on you.
- You said this was important, right?
- What? Yes.
You're welcome.
What?
- TODD: How did you get this?
- Ivan the Terrible.
Wow, I am such a fan.
- I can't believe you're going to be on our team.
- Really?
And we got the best gear.
You're gonna love it.
Hey, Ivan.
You're not so terrible.
Bye, Todd.
Thank you.
This is proof from Western Gateway Bank
that Alistair Song
illegally transferred money
from our clients' trust
accounts into his own.
He is spending client funds.
This is outrageous.
You and your son are behind this.
After everything I did for you.
Where's your loyalty?
You stole from our clients, Alistair.
My loyalty lies with them.
I recommend reporting
Alistair's ethics violations,
and that he be stripped of
his partnership from this firm.
All those in favor.
He was a discredit to this firm.
Now that he's gone, we can replace him
with someone more ethical and talented.
Keep up the good work, Wright.
(CHUCKLES)
A crypto coin for your thoughts.
Oh, I'm thinking about the
corners that we're turning
and what's around them.
Yeah. We did pretty good, huh?
We did great.
You know, when your name goes up there,
it'll be my name, too.
I basically own this place now.
- Oh, is that right?
- Uh-huh. No, I'm Wright.
- I am Wright. I am Margaret Wright.
- No, I'm Todd Wright.
- I know that.
- I am the first Wright.
- Mm, I don't know about that.
- I am the eldest Wright.
- TODD: Pretty sure that's wrong.
- MARGARET: Who would be the first Wright
- if it's not me, the first Wright?
- TODD: Ebenezer Wright.
MARGARET: No, you're wrong. I'm Wright.
Previously on So Help Me Todd
- He's my client.
- It's the mayor.
It seems like just yesterday
that you were my secretary.
I'm not a client.
You're not? Then who are you?
Oh, you're Peter.
Hey.
(TYPING ON KEYBOARD)
(ALARM BLARING)
Crap. Ivan the Terrible. He's back.
- What area?
- 115-G.
He must've left a backdoor
after his last hack.
Found him. Damn, he's inside.
He's set up 30 proxy servers.
He's bouncing everywhere.
I caught his thread.
- Watch out for the decoy.
- Yeah, I see it.
God, he's good.
I've got a lock.
We've got a location on Ivan.
Sending the address to
agents in the area now.
Are we gonna get him? Are
we gonna finally catch Ivan?
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
Oh, well
good morning.
Hey, did you leave a copy
of Zen and the Art of
Motorcycle Maintenance
in the conference room yesterday?
Your initials, "L.B."
which also means "pound," by the way
were on the inside cover.
- It is 9:00 a.m.
- Okay, and ?
And yes, I'm in a book club.
Really? Oh, okay.
I'm sorry, I just can't
imagine you reading anything
that doesn't involve blaster
wounds from Star Trek.
Phaser wounds. Star Wars is blasters.
And my point exactly. What is your
- (CELL PHONE CHIMING)
- Oh, oh.
TODD: Oh, motion detected.
You have a nanny cam in your nook?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I just installed it.
Don't make a big deal out of it, okay?
Look, look. That is
the "Forbidden Drawer."
The one you told me on my very
first day I can never touch or open.
No one's allowed to touch or
open that drawer. Not me, not you.
But Agnes can?
Why didn't you report
this to me immediately?
Because you never
believe anything I say.
- (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
- True.
Ooh, but look, look, Lyle.
Lyle, look. Every Tuesday,
Agnes sneaks in there,
takes files from that drawer,
and puts them in a big blue envelope.
And then, every other Thursday,
she sneaks the files back in.
I'm the only one who's noticing
because you stuck me in there.
So, what's going on?
Is she stealing high-level firm secrets?
Oh, yes, yes.
She's probably a dangerous Russian mole.
My God, I hadn't even considered
an international angle.
We've been stagnant for
too long. We need to evolve.
Then let's expand to places that matter.
San Francisco, Seattle.
Denver makes no sense.
Do we have any projections?
It makes perfect
business sense, Beverly.
- You just lack vision.
- BEVERLY: Oh, please.
You wouldn't know business
sense if it bit you on your
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING OVER CELL PHONE)
- (CHA-CHING SOUND EFFECT)
- (CARTOON RABBIT LAUGHS)
Oh.
- RABBIT: You got paid.
- Oh. I'm I'm sorry.
- (CHA-CHING SOUND EFFECT) -
RABBIT: (LAUGHS) You got paid.
Sorry, I So sorry.
- Um I'm sorry.
- RABBIT: (LAUGHS) You got paid.
Still making lots of noise.
Okay, just, excuse me.
I'll just be right back.
Oh, this is not my scarf.
I don't have that.
Hey.
Hi. Um
Hey. (CHUCKLES)
Hello. Hello?
Hello.
Is there anything
you'd like to say to me?
Or discuss?
About what
happened?
No.
- (CHA-CHING SOUND EFFECT)
- Why?
RABBIT: (LAUGHS) You got paid.
(BOTH GASP)
Oh, my God, Mom. I'm sorry.
- (SCREAMS) Todd, my blouse. Uh
- Ah. Okay.
Come-come-come-come
here. Come, come, come.
- Okay, hold on. I have stuff.
- Oh, gosh.
Hold on. Um no.
- Get if off, get it off.
- Here, here, here.
- Get it off.
- Um
Uh Get it off.
Don't wipe, don't wipe. Lift, lift.
- Okay, well, I don't know
- Not me,
you ding-dong, no. Just give me that.
Oh, never mind.
- Stained forever.
- Wait, what is that sound?
Is that your phone?
Yes, it is. I don't
know what's happening,
so I came to ask you.
This bunny has been
screaming at me for
the last five minutes.
- Is that a virus?
- No.
Someone named "Ivan the Terrible"
just paid you two crypto coins?
Why would Ivan the
Terrible pay me 50 cents?
No, Mom, two cryptos is like $30,000.
It's a virtual payment using blockchain.
Blockchain? I don't understand.
Eh, no one does. It's like
explaining time travel.
- Okay.
- FRANCEY: Oh, there you are.
- Margaret
- Yes?
the Federal Detention Center called.
Somebody claiming to be
your client is in custody
and asking to speak with you.
Your client "Ivan the Terrible"?
And every other Thursday,
Agnes leaves after
lunch with, guess what?
I'm gonna go out on a limb
and say, "Blue envelope."
Yes. So, there's an empty drawer,
an envelope,
Agnes is snooping around, but why?
I'm telling you, something
fishy is going on.
The only thing going on is you having
too much time on your hands.
And why would this Ivan the Terrible
send me $30,000 out of nowhere?
Who is he?
He is a super-hacker extraordinaire.
I checked out some message boards.
Guy's an absolute legend.
Well, he has been
charged with five counts
of violating the Espionage Act,
stealing defense files,
he's looking at 30 years,
and I am not representing him.
I mean, who sends "crack-to"
currency like that?
- Crypto currency.
- Crypto. Well, it's crap either way.
And then files papers saying that
I'm his attorney when I am not.
I just want to clear this
all up and get out of here.
(GASPS) Wait, Todd. Stop.
It's her.
Natalie Harris.
One of my tri-delt
college friends. (GROANS)
And the most conniving
woman you'll ever meet.
You have a nemesis?
Yes, well, we competed at everything.
Debate, field hockey, boys.
And it pains me to say that
I was often on the losing end.
Because she was smarter?
Because she played dirty.
You know, I have to say,
I have a little bit more respect for you
knowing you're this passionate
about an arch-frenemy.
Is that Margaret Fairway?
(WESTERN SHOWDOWN MUSIC PLAYING)
You haven't changed a bit.
Margaret, I hear you're an attorney now.
A career change so
late in life, how brave.
- And this is?
- My son, Todd.
You must be very proud.
Wow. I really am.
Me and the girls at the
sorority house called your mother
"The Little Engine That Could."
Oh.
- No matter how big she'd fail,
she'd just keep on trying.
It was so cute.
(ALL LAUGH)
And-and you're still with
the Department of Justice?
- An Assistant U.S. Attorney?
- Yes, that's right.
Oh. (CHUCKLES) Well,
none of us ever doubted
that Natalie would make it.
She was always willing to do
anything just short of murder to win.
Maybe even that.
(ALL LAUGH)
Well, I'm questioning a suspect,
a hacker on the NSA's most wanted list.
A tiny bit more complex
than the slip-and-falls I'm
sure you're wrestling with,
but you'll get there in time.
Ivan the Terrible?
Yes, that's the one.
Oh.
Well, I hate to pop
your balloon, Natalie,
but that's my client.
- But you said
- And no one talks to Ivan but me.
Are you sure you're ready to
take on the U.S. Government?
You've been practicing for, what,
seven minutes?
It was so nice to see
you again, Natalie.
Until court, then. (CHUCKLES)
Oh, yay, you came! I was worried
because I feel like I've
been here for a million years,
but you made it.
You're Ivan the Terrible?
That's just my handle.
I was gonna be "NOOHASF,"
"Number One Original Harry
Styles Fan," but it felt basic.
I'm just Ava Morgan, IRL.
"In real life." Wait, so,
you're the one who hacked
the Department of Defense?
Oh, my God, I know, but
they totally deserved it.
Okay.
Uh, well, let's just back up here.
- I'm Margaret
- AVA: Wright.
Filed for divorce two months ago. Sorry.
You've got a stellar win-rate
of 93%, don't like carnations,
and your Yelp reviews are awesome,
five stars, and it's super cool
you work with your
family, which makes you
- Todd.
- AVA: Todd.
Only 334 hours before
getting your PI license back.
You live in your sister's garage,
which seems kind of sketch, TBH.
"To be honest."
Wait, so it was you who hacked
the Miss Universe pageant?
Ugh, like a million years ago.
I was in this lame make-up-y stage.
Uh-huh. And and
where are your parents?
I sort of don't have any.
I mean, I did have a mom,
but she died a few years ago,
and then I had a bunch of
different foster parents,
nothing tragic, but they were extra,
so I emancipated myself at 17.
And how do you support yourself?
Yeah, where'd you get all the
money for these crypto coins?
Companies hire me to fix
their computer security.
I'm a white hat hacker, totally legal.
(CHUCKLES) Hacking into the
Department of Defense is not legal.
AVA: They are the worst.
Did you know they put
dangerous chemicals
underneath the Laurelhurst Zoo?
- Was not aware.
- No, I didn't.
And animals got sick.
I was gonna give the
information to the news,
but I got sloppy and forgot
the first rule of hacking
everything leaves a trace.
- Oh.
- AVA: That government lawyer lady who was
just here with the tragic
sense of style seems really mad.
I was just trying to
help the animals, I swear.
Oh, and I have this.
It's proof.
All the hidden Defense
Department files about the zoo,
but nobody knows I kept a copy.
- Ooh
- This could make our case, right?
Yes. Well, we'll just
take a little peek,
um, before we return it, of course.
Uh, but let's get you out of here first.
The federal government has
declared war on my client,
a teenager.
And to suggest that she be detained
throughout these
proceedings is frankly cruel.
NATALIE: The defendant is dangerous
with no ties to the area or
family and is a flight risk.
And she was previously convicted
of hacking Crystal Bay Tuna Company.
- Objection.
- Because of the mercury poisoning.
Ms. Harris should not have divulged
that information in a public hearing.
Ava was only 12 at the time.
That record was sealed.
Agreed. But as a condition
to her release and to ensure
she does not go online,
she must be supervised 24 hours a day.
No Internet.
That is acceptable to the defense.
NATALIE: Actually, Your Honor,
it's come to our attention the
defendant's counsel is in possession
of stolen, classified
government property.
Well, how did you know
Is this correct, Counselor?
My client was acting as
a de facto whistleblower
attempting to expose the
U.S. Government's crime
in illegally storing harmful chemicals
and endangering the public's safety.
Under the WPA,
she is entitled to
protection from retaliation
and access to evidence
to use in her defense.
It's a complicated issue.
We'll schedule an evidentiary hearing.
Until then,
I'll hold the documents here.
- I've got bad news and news.
- Uh-huh.
Judge Reece took the thumb
drive. We have no evidence.
We're starting from scratch.
Okay. And the other news?
You are babysitting Ava for
the duration of the trial.
Wait, what? No. I can't babysit.
You don't put a
thoroughbred behind a plow.
- Won't you need me?
- Well, Lyle will handle the investigation.
- (SIGHS) Lyle.
- And this will be a good lesson for you.
Being responsible for
somebody else for a change.
Being the adult.
And no more of that
blue envelope nonsense.
AVA: I'm starving. When's lunch?
Are we gonna be staying in your
sister's garage the entire time?
Because that would be so tragic.
I don't really eat
meat, unless it's bacon,
but I could make an exception,
but you should really watch
those dark web videos about
how hamburgers are made.
So intense.
You look kind of pale. Are you okay?
Is it the murder hamburgers?
You don't really have to
watch it. It's just interesting
because cows are my
favorite kind of farm animal.
SONG: This is insanity.
Representing a notorious hacker
against the Department of Justice?
Alistair, I share some of your concerns,
but our client is acting
as a whistleblower.
Don't you understand
how difficult these cases are to win?
I'm worried you've bitten
off more than you can chew.
Ah. I'm guessing you've been contacted
by Assistant U.S. Attorney Harris,
under the guise of
professional courtesy, no doubt.
You're putting a bullseye
on the firm's back.
We don't want to get audited, do we?
So now we're taking advice
from opposing counsel?
This isn't a discussion.
You are forbidden from
continuing with this case.
Forbidden? Forbidden?
Ignore the man. He's been an anchor
around this firm's neck for years.
- I'll take care of it.
- He was very definitive.
This is exactly the type of
case you should be pursuing.
Alistair may have helped
launch your career,
but when your name has
come up for promotion,
he hasn't been quite so supportive.
I don't think he's comfortable
with his former
secretary surpassing him.
- Wow. I had no idea
- I know.
Ask yourself,
why isn't your name above the door?
TODD: Of course, Mr. Millis.
We'll fix it right away.
Thank you. That was
the downstairs neighbor.
Did you re-program the elevator
to only stop on this floor?
Um, yeah, and you're welcome.
It's super convenient now.
Yeah, for us.
Exactly.
- And-and what's going on here with these ?
- (LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS)
Oh, my God, did you
break all of these lamps?
Actually, I fixed them.
What's the point of having a
smart speaker if you don't use it?
Lumos Maxima.
BOTH: Like in Harry Potter.
Okay, uh, that is
cool, but, uh Lumos Minima? Whoa.
Okay, no, no. New rule,
from now on, don't touch anything
with a power source, okay?
Ugh, that's so boring.
And if I don't find out what
Harry Styles is wearing today,
- I will die.
- What?
- Can you look for me?
- No.
- You can just describe it to me.
- No, I'm not doing that.
- Please
- No. What
This is a sickness.
I'm not feeding this addiction, okay?
Something is seriously
Okay, anything to make you stop.
What am I doing here?
Go to "Harry Style's
Style dot com slash style."
- Wow, three "styles." Interesting.
- Mm-hmm.
Well, he was wearing
a few outfits today.
This shirt is, uh, brown.
- Okay.
- Uh, it it's brown-ish.
- And?
- And, like, a collar
- that's kind of asymmetrical.
- And?
I don't know. It's not
all going in one direction.
- What color is it?
- It's a it's a
- it's like a creamsicle brown.
- (KNOCK ON DOOR)
Ugh, you're so bad at this.
- (CELL PHONE CHIMING)
- Wait, hey, hold on a second.
It's not even Tuesday.
SONG: Don't let anyone see you.
Song.
- AVA: Thanks. Bye.
- (DOOR CLOSES)
Did you order a pizza?
Hold on, James & The Giant Pepperoni?
It's my fave.
How did you even
SMART FRIDGE: Your pizza is delivered.
Did you hack the fridge?
Oh, my God, relax.
It uses an RFID system
to know when you're out of
milk, so I just tweaked it
to know when we're out of pizza.
There's a stupid simple
motherboard in the back.
Okay, no, no, no, no. New, new rule:
don't go near the fridge
and don't eat that.
That is illegal pizza.
Oh, my God.
MARGARET: If we can
prove that the government
stored dangerous
chemicals on public land,
that is a clear violation of
the Solid Waste Disposal Act.
And no court will convict
"Ava the whistleblower"
for trying to stop the
government from hurting people.
- Nope.
- (SNEEZES)
Good God, Lyle.
- What happened to you?
- Apparently, I'm allergic to zebras.
- You went to the zoo?
- Yes.
And I learned that zoo
employees had to evacuate
because of a supposed gas
leak about eight months ago,
but the gas company has no record of it.
SUSAN: Ooh, wait, wait, wait,
wait. In her witness affidavit,
Ava claimed that she saw
a DOD memo authorizing
a "cleaning crew" being sent to the zoo.
They created a gas leak,
so the employees would evacuate the zoo.
Has anyone fallen ill at the zoo?
- (SNEEZES)
- Good God. Bless you.
Four buffalo died recently.
They blame it on algae in the water.
They're just covering their tracks.
And how did Natalie know
that we had Ava's thumb drive
with all the proof on it?
Maybe they didn't know about it.
Until Ava mentioned it to us.
Do you think that it's
possible that Natalie
was listening in on us
in the interrogation room?
- SUSAN: That's illegal.
- Uh, seems awfully extreme.
MARGARET: Oh
You don't know Natalie.
She is up to her old dirty
tricks again. I can feel it.
We're going to have
to be very aggressive
if we want to beat her.
Francey.
Uh, how aggressive are we talking?
Well, if she listened in
on a privileged conversation
with my client, then that
is grounds to remove her
as a prosecutor. Francey!
Uh, Margaret, I don't
think that's a good idea.
Susan, how else do
you explain the timing?
She is a cheater.
Francey, I need you to set an
emergency hearing with Judge Reece.
- Right now?
- Yes.
- We should really rethink
- And tell Todd
to meet me at the court.
- Can somebody tell me what's going on?
- (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
We have a snake to catch.
(SNEEZES)
MARGARET: Bless you.
(CAR RADIO STATIONS SWITCHING RAPIDLY)
Will you please stop
changing all the presets?
I don't want to hear
Justin Bieber constantly.
Stop. I like classic rock
and I like smooth jazz.
Just leave my presets alone, please.
Not to be mean, but your
car kind of makes me sad.
Yeah, me, too.
But when I save up
enough, I plan to get a
BOTH: 1969 maroon Mustang.
One of the jail guards was nice
and let me borrow his phone.
I may have looked at
your search history.
Really? Well, word to the wise,
don't look at people's stuff,
okay? Oh, hey, there she is.
Agnes with that blue envelope.
Where is she going? Hold on a second.
What are you doing? I thought
we had to be at court right away.
Yeah, well, the hearing's
not for another two hours,
so we're taking a little
fact-finding detour.
And you are not allowed
to touch anything.
There you go.
AVA: What are we doing here?
Follow me. Be cool.
- Next.
- Hi, there.
Oh, no. Use the stanchions, please.
- What? Seriously?
- Yup.
They're there for a reason.
Okay, here I go.
Hey. Uh, that was my
colleague that you just helped.
Agnes. Kind of yea tall,
not a big fan of smiling.
Has kind of a this face.
Yeah, like that. Anyway,
poor thing, she's not
completely with it anymore,
and she always forgets to get
a copy of the deposit slip,
so if we could just get that
So, you work with her? Both of you?
Yes, this is our summer intern.
- Yeah, I'm super into the law.
- That's right.
And we've turned casual
Friday into a whole month.
- (CHUCKLES)
- How old are you?
Excuse me. Don't answer
that. Don't ask that.
You know, reverse age discrimination
is not a victimless crime.
No. No, no.
I mean, seriously, it's the
21st century. How dare you?
Yeah. It's gross.
I am so sorry. You're absolutely right.
Let me (CLEARS THROAT)
let me print that for you.
- Please, and quickly. (CHUCKLES)
- Okay.
I mean, in this economy
Thank you.
Hold on, are you sure the money
was supposed to be deposited
in the account for
"Crest, Folding & Sonk"?
Not "Crest, Folding & Song," with a "G"?
No, it's Sonk. S-O-N-K.
- MANAGER: Alexis.
- Excuse me.
TODD: What is Song up to?
So, your job is to lie
to people? That is so fun.
Hey, you could find
anything online, right?
- Yeah.
- Okay, uh, so I need a favor.
I need to know where
this money's coming from,
or where it's going, so can you teach me
how to use an ATM or,
like, the water fountain
to hack into the bank's records?
- You want to hack into the bank?
- Mm-hmm.
No way. Their security is for real.
Are you telling me
that Ivan The Terrible
can't hack into a little old bank?
Oh, Margaret. An emergency hearing?
You always did have a
flair for the dramatic.
Like when you accused me of fixing
the Tri-Delt officers election.
You told everyone I had lice.
My boyfriend Theodore dumped me.
For the record, you did
scratch your head a lot.
It made people very uncomfortable.
Oh, come on, Natalie.
We're not 20 anymore.
You're a professional
woman, for God's sake.
Lying and cheating
That sounds awful.
But shouldn't we be getting inside?
I wouldn't want to miss
your big, shocking reveal.
The hearing's not for another hour.
No, I asked Judge Reece to move it up.
I hope your little client can make it.
I'd hate to see you
embarrassed and empty-handed.
Uh
Call Todd.
This is where your hacker friends live?
This haunted murder shack?
CHEESE: Oh, my God. Ivan!
We heard the Feds got
you. You beat the rap?
It's still sort of a thing.
Want us to unleash some
digital justice on their asses?
Uh, I think we got it covered, thanks.
- Anyway, this is Todd.
- Hi.
Richter.
- Omega.
- Cheese.
Cheese?
What's up, Cheese?
Anyone have a pony module I can borrow?
Thank you.
What's this?
- It's for your phone.
- What?
They're kind of suspicious.
No, I'm not sus.
I'm a hacker. I hack.
All right, fine, I'll play along.
No, no, no, no, no.
You are not allowed to be online.
- Please get up. Could you just walk me through it?
- Oh, my God.
- You're so extra.
- I'm extra?
There' a guy named Cheese here.
AVA: Just open up a dialogue box.
Okay.
(PHONE VIBRATING)
Ms. Wright, any thoughts on when
your client is planning to arrive?
Um, my apologies, Your Honor.
They should be here any moment.
Margaret being stood up.
Just like old times.
REECE: Okay, look, let's just begin.
(SIGHS)
AVA: Why would your mom's boss
open up a phony account in Denver?
Not sure, but it's definitely not good.
And all the deposits are below 10K,
so it doesn't raise any
federal or banking flags.
Wow. You, like, know stuff.
Uh, yeah. A lot of stuff.
Did you guys park outside?
'Cause the car alarm's going off.
- Is it a blue piece of crap?
- Mm.
Uh, yeah, that's me. Thanks, Omega.
Appreciate it.
- (CAR ALARM WAILING)
- Come on.
Stupid car.
(SIGHS SHARPLY)
(MUTTERING)
(ALARM CHIRPS)
(HIP-HOP MUSIC BLARING)
♪
- (ALARM CHIRPS)
- Uh
Hey!
(STRAINING)
God, I feel so bad for him out there.
But this is the only way we're gonna get
the defense files back.
(GRUNTING)
♪
Oh, come on!
(CRIES OUT)
She violated confidential communication
- between me and my client.
- NATALIE: Your Honor,
I'm offended by the suggestion
I did anything illegal.
These are very serious
allegations, Counselor.
Do you have any concrete proof?
No.
But I would love to hear from
the Assistant U.S. Attorney
a completely legal explanation as
to how she knew I had the files.
As would I, Ms. Harris.
(THE CLASH'S "I FOUGHT THE
LAW" BLARES OVER CELLPHONE)
I fought the law and the law won ♪
(SONG PLAYING OVER EVERYONE'S PHONE)
Oh, oh
Breaking rocks in the hot sun ♪
- (GASPS, GRUNTS)
- (CAR ALARM STILL BLARING)
(CRIES OUT, GRUNTS)
AVA: Dang.
They patched their security.
- (OTHERS LAUGHING)
- Oh, my God, what did you do?
Please tell me you
didn't do something dumb.
We needed them to feel our wrath.
You locked me in my car?
Ava?
What did you do?
And because Judge Reece
suspects that Ava was involved
in this stupid prank,
he has revoked his release order,
and she will be placed back
in jail tomorrow morning.
Mom, you don't understand. Agnes
Todd, I don't have
time for this nonsense.
Just take Ava back to my condo,
and we'll discuss it later.
Come on.
I was just trying to get the files back.
I'm sorry.
So, what now?
I have subpoenaed the Defense Department
for the hidden documents,
but they'll just deny their existence.
Look, Margaret, I hate to say it,
but do we need to consider a plea?
Damn it!
I know Natalie smells blood right now.
But maybe it's the best
thing to do for Ava.
I will start preparing one.
Wait.
So that little girl is going to spend
the rest of her life behind bars?
Francey, Natalie is going to win,
and there is nothing more I can do.
Nothing?
Nothing at all?
Uh, wait a sec.
Just stay right here.
- Okay. Sure.
- Okay.
Whatever.
Susan? Hey, Susan.
I don't have time right now, Todd.
Hey. Hey, hey, hey. Hey.
You kissed me in my office,
and now you're just like,
"No, it never happened"?
I mean, what's going on with you?
Do you have any witnesses?
Any evidence?
Can you prove that it happened?
What? No. Yes. I mean, look,
I'm Portland's number one investigator.
If I need evidence, I'll find it.
But why should I?
It didn't happen, Todd.
It couldn't have happened,
because if it did,
- that would mean that I
- ALLISON: Hey, Todd,
where's Mom? Susan.
- Hi. How are you?
- Hey. Work.
For sure, yeah.
Did I interrupt something?
I really don't know.
What are you doing here?
Mom called. She wants me
to help you watch something
or supervise you
Mom's having you babysit me
while I'm babysitting Ava?
That is rich. You know, I
make one little mistake
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Uh, hold on. Wait, where is she?
- Uh, Ava?!
- Is Ava a teenage girl?
Because she maybe got on
the elevator when I got off.
Oh, no.
Okay, I'm not running
in these shoes; I cannot.
That's her last known address.
She is not there.
Any known family in the area?
Nope. And her only
friends, the rando hackers,
cleared out of their
graffiti-tagged nerd dungeon
right after their little prank.
Well, if we don't find Ava,
they're going to issue
a warrant for her arrest.
(SIGHS) Man.
Just out of curiosity,
why do I need to be here right now?
Because I cannot be trusted
not to strangle your brother
if we were alone. I mean,
what possessed you to take Ava
to that hackers' den?
O kay. Thank you so
much for asking that.
- Sorry if this is blue-envelope related
- Ugh.
but your boss, Song,
has opened a firm
bank account in Denver.
- Denver?
- Yes.
Only the name is slightly
off so no one will find it.
But there's all these
weird, small deposits.
It reeks of embezzlement.
Why is Denver so suspicious to you?
Oh, because he wanted to
No, he would never.
Embezzlement? Alistair?
Come on, Mom, how
many times has that guy
passed you up for a promotion?
He was worried about
the firm being audited.
But no. Embezzlement? Alistair?
You broke Mom. She's on repeat.
Just turn her off and back on again.
- Why does she want to strangle you?
- I took her client
our client to a hackers' lair.
A lair?
- A nest of hackers.
- Okay.
- A digital hive, if you will.
- Oh, sure.
And you antagonized the
Assistant U.S. Attorney.
Oh, I'm the one who antagonized
your college nemesis?
What? Mom, you have a nemesis?
How did you bury that lede? Who is it?
TODD: Some sorority sister, Natalie,
who literally beats Mom at
Absolutely everything.
Whenever I'm around her,
I feel like
an insecure 20-year-old all over again.
- Maybe it is my destiny to lose to Natalie forever.
- (ALLISON SNICKERS)
- What is so funny?
- I'm just having
a hard time picturing you as
20, or insecure, or losing.
- No, it's kind of endearing.
- Dimension-bending.
Once, in college, my sorority threw
- a homecoming hall decorating contest.
- That's a thing?
And I created an absolute masterpiece.
It was the Taj Mahal
created entirely from balloons,
and I was a shoo-in for the prize.
It was a $50 dollar gift
certificate from The Gap.
Uh-huh.
But the night before the judging,
somebody popped all of my balloons.
- (GASPS)
- Yes.
- No.
- All 100 of them.
And Natalie won.
And I knew it was her.
But I could never, never figure out
how she she popped
all of those balloons
without waking anybody up.
Oh, my God. Pizza.
- Todd!
- What is wrong with you?
- I am right in the middle of
- I was enjoying listening to that.
No, no, no, no, no. I know where Ava is.
Okay, all right. This
is her favorite place.
Maybe someone will
know where she is here.
Well, she will be halfway to Mexico
before we ever get in.
I know, I know. Um Oh, Mom!
- Hmm?
- You're hypoglycemic.
What? No, she's not.
Todd, I'm not feeling
very well. You'll catch up.
Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Uh, sick mom on board.
- Can you just
- (WEAKLY) Sorry.
Excuse us. This woman is
apparently hypoglycemic.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Woozy. Woozy.
I actually wouldn't
recommend pizza for that.
- It's a blood sugar thing.
- Hey, no cutting.
This woman is dying.
- (MARGARET GROANS)
- Do you want her blood on your hands?
We just have to get
her some greasy pizza
- to cure her medical ailments.
- Here, Mama.
Thank you so much. I'm a doctor.
Okay? I am. I'm a medical professional.
I genuinely am.
- Woozy. Woozy.
- Sorry. Thank you.
I cannot believe this is my life.
Yeah, well, welcome to the dark side.
Woozy. Oh
Good evening.
Todd, picture. Is there any chance
that you have seen this young lady?
Yeah, no. Sorry, we get
a lot of folks in here
- I know that girl.
- Yeah?
Yeah. I've delivered to her a bunch.
Man, someone needs to teach that kid
the meaning of the word "tip".
Okay, do you happen to
know where you might have
delivered to this person?
It would be hard to forget.
- MARGARET: That's the address.
- TODD: A cemetery?
This can't be it.
Can it?
Okay, so Ava's a vampire?
Apparently, yes. Now
everything makes sense.
- You know, wait, Todd.
- What?
- Uh, I think I'm gonna go by myself.
- What?
No, I need to have a little
attorney-client conversation.
A little heart-to-heart with Ava.
I'll be right back.
TODD: Great, yeah, sure.
Make me babysit her all
week, and then you go in
on the one-yard line.
For the record, Mom's comfort with
walking into a graveyard
at night is disturbing.
Yeah, I know.
Wait, have you eaten that entire pizza?
Was some of it supposed to be for you?
Well, it wasn't all
supposed to be for you.
God, you're so extra.
I'm sorry, I'm not used
to being on your stakeouts,
- so I just
- Inhaled everyone's dinner?
- Yeah, got it.
- Okay.
(SIGHS)
When's the last time
you were in a cemetery?
Dad.
Yeah. Me, too.
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
You know, I was just thinking about, um,
about how I used to be such a pain.
- Used to be?
- Ha, ha, ha.
No, I'm babysitting Ava,
and she's just all over the place.
And I I really
wanted to just, you know,
ground her a few times,
- like Dad did to me all the time.
- Yeah.
Used to make me so mad.
And then, when he was gone
it felt like, um,
someone took
the guardrails down,
and I was just, like,
swerving all over the place.
That is exactly how I feel these days.
Hey.
You're grounded.
Thank you.
Ava?
I'm sorry.
I know I shouldn't have left before.
It's just my stupid
hacking hurts everyone.
You're being too hard on yourself.
Why did you pick me to represent you?
Because I saw how you helped Todd
when he was in trouble.
'Cause you're a good lawyer
and a good mom.
And you thought
maybe I could watch out
for you the same way?
My mom,
she was really great.
I'm sure she was.
It was just the two of us.
She had to work a lot.
I just wanted to spend
more time with her,
so I hacked her schedule
so she could move
from the primate house
to the buffalo paddock.
The hours were better.
Your mom worked at the zoo?
Yeah. I'm sorry I lied before.
She was an animal caretaker.
So when she started
working with the buffaloes,
she got sick.
Cancer.
The doctors said it was because
she smoked as a teenager,
but it wasn't lung cancer.
And so you-you started
hacking, looking for answers,
and that led you to the
Department of Defense.
(SIGHS)
Before she died, she gave me this,
to remember her by.
She wore it all the time.
If I hadn't hacked her schedule,
- she'd still be alive.
- Ava.
Chemicals killed your mother, not you.
This is not your fault.
But you said she
she wore this ring all the time.
Yeah. Why?
Because someone very
clever once told me that
the first rule of hacking is
everything leaves a trace.
I got an alert. The results
are in on Ava's mom's ring.
By all means, knocking is optional.
I just got an alert. The
results are in on Ava's
Oh, the gang's all here.
I haven't opened it yet.
- Why not?
- Why not?
- Excuse me.
- Okay.
- There's the attachment.
- (MARGARET GASPS)
- There. Results.
- Wait.
- MARGARET: Oh.
- Positive for Dioxin.
Ava was right. This is
the proof that we need.
- Ha!
- Ah. That is louder than you think.
- Sorry. Do you know what this means?
- Hmm?
Natalie's reign of
terror is finally over.
Now, every time she looks at the stain
on her perfect win
record, she'll think of me.
- And Ava goes free.
- Yes.
At least until she decides
to hack the White House.
Oh. Or an aircraft carrier.
Come on, you really think
she's just going to stop?
Also, where's she gonna live?
Well, it's not like we're
sending her out on her own.
She'll have, um
She'll have
She'll have no supervision.
No parents, no rules,
no idea how to make
her way in the world.
Let's just high-five again.
What's that?
That, my dear Natalie,
is your deflated balloon.
(CHUCKLES) I don't have time for this.
That ring belonged to Linda Morgan,
an animal caregiver
at the Laurelhurst Zoo,
and Ava's mother.
She died two years ago of cancer.
When you test the ring,
you'll find that it's covered
in the same chemicals
found in Agent Orange.
Even if it was true, the
amounts would be tiny.
A rounding error. Who
knows where that came from?
We also discovered
that Linda's belongings
were shipped to her brother
in Arizona after she died,
including her zoo gear.
Boots, gloves.
We've sent them out for testing,
and we both know what they'll find.
You've lost, Natalie.
Cheating won't help you this time.
If you're so certain,
why are we even having
this conversation?
(CHUCKLES) Because
today is your lucky day.
I am offering you a draw.
First, I want the DOD to scour the zoo
to ensure that there are no
traces of the chemicals left.
And I want a plea deal for Ava.
You'll reduce the
charges to a misdemeanor,
unauthorized use of a computer.
You've got to be kidding.
And I want the DOD to hire
Ava to do what she does best.
Hack into the most sophisticated
websites on the planet.
She'll make a much
better ally than enemy.
Why would I do any of this?
I'd rather just take the loss.
Because you know what's on those files.
Not to mention that
my my son-in-law works
for the Portland Sentinel,
and I just know they'd love
a first look at this story.
"Chemicals Found at the Zoo."
"Child Left Orphaned."
Which side of this do you want to be on?
Fine. You have a deal.
On one more condition.
You will tell me how you
popped all of those balloons
without making a noise.
You just spray a little
WD-40 on the knot.
The plastic dissolves
slowly, and the air leaks out.
(CHUCKLES)
This was fun. We should do it again.
Anytime, anyplace.
(QUIETLY): Yes!
Hey, is that the number one
original Harry Styles fan?
So I guess I'm gonna
be working for the Feds
in the antihacking department
for at least two years.
I heard. How do you feel about that?
I've never had a
regular job or anything.
Or coworkers.
Who knows, I'll probably hack the place
and blow the whole deal up.
Well, that's not exactly
what I wanted to hear,
but I'm gonna focus on the
"regular job" part there at the top.
Your mom had enough to
get the charges dropped.
I guess I'm just
wondering why she didn't.
Well, because and I can't
believe I'm saying this
but sometimes rules help.
I mean, yeah, sure, waking up
to an alarm clock is the worst,
but people having expectations for you,
- it's not so bad.
- Oh
One last job before I go full
government drone person on you.
- You said this was important, right?
- What? Yes.
You're welcome.
What?
- TODD: How did you get this?
- Ivan the Terrible.
Wow, I am such a fan.
- I can't believe you're going to be on our team.
- Really?
And we got the best gear.
You're gonna love it.
Hey, Ivan.
You're not so terrible.
Bye, Todd.
Thank you.
This is proof from Western Gateway Bank
that Alistair Song
illegally transferred money
from our clients' trust
accounts into his own.
He is spending client funds.
This is outrageous.
You and your son are behind this.
After everything I did for you.
Where's your loyalty?
You stole from our clients, Alistair.
My loyalty lies with them.
I recommend reporting
Alistair's ethics violations,
and that he be stripped of
his partnership from this firm.
All those in favor.
He was a discredit to this firm.
Now that he's gone, we can replace him
with someone more ethical and talented.
Keep up the good work, Wright.
(CHUCKLES)
A crypto coin for your thoughts.
Oh, I'm thinking about the
corners that we're turning
and what's around them.
Yeah. We did pretty good, huh?
We did great.
You know, when your name goes up there,
it'll be my name, too.
I basically own this place now.
- Oh, is that right?
- Uh-huh. No, I'm Wright.
- I am Wright. I am Margaret Wright.
- No, I'm Todd Wright.
- I know that.
- I am the first Wright.
- Mm, I don't know about that.
- I am the eldest Wright.
- TODD: Pretty sure that's wrong.
- MARGARET: Who would be the first Wright
- if it's not me, the first Wright?
- TODD: Ebenezer Wright.
MARGARET: No, you're wrong. I'm Wright.