Spin City s01e15 Episode Script

LISTEN UP, I'M AFRAID I'VE GOT SOME BAD NEWS.
THE SPEAKER OF THE CITY COUNCIL HAS LOST HIS CHIEF OF STAFF.
DAVE NELSON IS OUT.
DAVE WAS OUR FRIEND, AND I THINK AND WE SHOULD REFLECT ON WHAT HIS LEAVING MEANS TO US.
YES! YEAH! YEAH! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! THE GUY SEEMED INVINCIBLE.
ETHICS CHARGES, SECURITY PROBES.
THE MAN WAS KING KONG.
THERE WERE LITTLE AIRPLANES BUZZING AROUND HIS FACE.
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY.
THE 14th FELONY CHARGE IS THE CHARM.
EVEN THOUGH DAVE WAS A JERK, AT LEAST WE HAD HIM IN OUR POCKET.
WHICH IS WHY I FOUND IT VERY INTERESTING TO HEAR THAT SPEAKER ROSE HAS ALREADY FOUND A REPLACEMENT.
MY SOURCES TELL ME HER NAME IS GABRIELLA SANCHEZ.
NOW, MISS SANCHEZ-- GABBY, TO HER FRIENDS-- WAS A LAW PROFESSOR AT COLUMBIA.
SHE HAS ABSOLUTELY NO BACKGROUND IN POLITICS WHATSOEVER.
SHE ENJOYS CLASSICAL MUSIC AND HAS A SMALL TATTOO OF A ROSE ON HER LEFT SHOULDER.
OH, PLEASE.
NO ONE'S SOURCES ARE THAT GOOD.
DOLPHIN ON YOUR BUTT.
DON'T QUESTION THE MASTER.
WHY WOULD THE SPEAKER HIRE AN OUTSIDER? MAYBE HE WANTS TO CLEAN UP HIS IMAGE, MAYBE RUN FOR MAYOR IN 2 YEARS.
MAYBE HIS FIRST CHOICE COULDN'T MAKE BAIL.
I DON'T KNOW.
ALL I'M CONCERNED WITH IS WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.
CRUSH HER.
NO.
BUT I LIKE YOUR ENTHUSIASM.
WE GO HEAD TO HEAD WITH THE CITY COUNCIL OVER EVERYTHING FROM ASBESTOS REMOVAL TO ZONING REGULATIONS, SO I ASSUME YOU ALL KNOW WHAT I'M THINKING.
CRUSH HER! SORRY.
WRONG AGAIN, BUT, UHTHANKS FOR PLAYING.
NO, THIS WOMAN IS NEW.
SHE'S VULNERABLE.
WE'D LIKE HER TO BELIEVE WE'RE HER FRIENDS.
SO SHOULD WE GO INTO MISS SANCHEZ'S OFFICE KICKING AND SCREAMING? SHOULD WE THREATEN HER? STUART, SHOULD WE CRUSH HER? NO.
WE SHOULD MAKE NICE WITH HER.
EXACTLY.
POLITICS IS ALL ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS.
I BELIEVE A PREEMPTIVE VISIT SHOULD DO THE TRICK, PERHAPS FROM A CERTAIN CHARMING YOUNG DEPUTY MAYOR.
HOW ABOUT YOU, MIKE? YOU SHOULD GO.
Mike: ALL RIGHT.
OK.
LET'S GO.
DEPUTY MAYOR COMING THROUGH.
SOMEBODY TOLD ME THIS WAS HAPPENING.
THANK GOD THEY DID! WHAT IS IT, 9:08, AND YOU PEOPLE ARE ALREADY HERE, PUSHING THROUGH YOUR PETTY AGENDAS? LET'S GO.
COME ON.
SHOW SOME RESPECT.
GIVE MISS SANCHEZ TIME TO GET HER BEARINGS.
SHOO! I ASSUME YOU ALL HAVE ASSISTANTS WHO CAN MAKE APPOINTMENTS FOR YOU SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO DROP BY UNEXPECTED.
THANKS.
ALWAYS HAPPY TO HELP.
POLITICIANS CAN BE JACKALS.
AND, UM, YOU ARE? THE EXCEPTION THAT PROVES THE RULE.
MICHAEL FLAHERTY.
DEPUTY MAYOR.
GABBY SANCHEZ WHO'S BEEN WARNED ALL ABOUT MICHAEL FLAHERTY, DEPUTY MAYOR.
OH, YOU ALREADY HEARD ABOUT MY HEART OF GOLD AND GENEROUS WAYS? NOW, IF YOU'RE THE DEPUTY MAYOR, YOU'VE PROBABLY GOT AN ASSISTANT WHO CAN MAKE AN APPOINTMENT FOR YOU.
(BEEP) MISS SANCHEZ, MICHAEL FLAHERTY'S OFFICE CALLED.
THEY WANT TO KNOW IF YOU CAN SEE HIM RIGHT NOW.
YES, SHE CAN.
PART OF WHAT I'M ABOUT TO TELL YOU IS VERY PRIVATE, SO IT SHOULDN'T GO BEYOND THESE WALLS.
YOU MIGHT WANT TO TURN OFF THE MICROPHONE, THEN.
IT'S JUST I'M COMFORTABLE HERE.
IT'S EASY FOR ME TO TALK, YOU KNOW? RELAX, PAUL.
JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU NEED.
IT'S ABOUT MY GIRLFRIEND, CLAUDIA, YOU KNOW, THE PRESIDENT OF MY FAN CLUB.
YOU'VE BEEN DATING HER FOR OVER A MONTH.
I THINK YOU CAN STOP REFERRING TO HER AS THE PRESIDENT OF YOUR FAN CLUB.
I KNOW.
IT'S JUST I LOVE SAYING THAT.
SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? SHE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH ME.
OH, I SEE.
THE, UH, AGE-OLD PROBLEM THAT'S PLAGUED MANKIND SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME-- WHAT TO DO WITH THE ADORING, DOTING GIRLFRIEND WHO WANTS TO SLEEP WITH YOU? SEE, IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE.
YOU SEE, BECAUSE, I--I'M NOT READY YET.
OH, I SEE! HAS IT, UH IT'S BEEN A WHILE? I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
OH, COME ON! COME ON, PAUL.
HEY, YOU KNOW, IT'S BEEN A COUPLE, MAYBE 3 YEARS.
SO YOU'RE SAYING 4? OH, AT LEAST.
I'M A LITTLE RUSTY.
RUSTY? PAUL, YOU'RE LIKE THE TIN MAN IN A MONSOON.
THE POINT IS, I REALLY LIKE CLAUDIA, AND I DON'T WANT TO MESS UP THIS RELATIONSHIP.
I DON'T WANT HER TO THINK THAT I'M THE KIND OF GUY WHO JUST HOPS INTO BED WITH EVERY GIRL HE MEETS.
PAUL, I THINK YOUR RECORD SPEAKS FOR ITSELF.
I MIGHT AS WELL SAVE YOU SOME TIME.
THAT SMILE? IT'S NOT GONNA WORK.
SO GO AHEAD AND TURN IT OFF.
WHAT, THIS SMILE? I'M SORRY, I CAN'T.
IT'S STANDARD OPERATING EQUIPMENT.
IT COMES WITH THE SUIT.
LOOK, I'VE GOTTA WARN YOU.
I AM HERE BECAUSE IT'S NOT BUSINESS AS USUAL.
I'M HERE TO HELP THE SPEAKER MAKE DECISIONS THAT HELP THE CITY, NOT THE POLITICIANS.
IT'S AS IF MY PRAYERS HAD BEEN ANSWERED.
I MEAN, FINALLY, FINALLY, A SYMPATHETIC SOUL IN THIS BUILDING.
MMM.
WHAT'S THAT? WHAT'S WHAT? THAT THING YOU'RE HIDING BEHIND YOUR BACK.
WELL--OH, THIS, THIS THING.
THIS THING.
OH, THIS IS UH-- IT'S MY LUNCH.
YOU ALWAYS WRAP YOUR LUNCH WITH A LITTLE BOW? I LIKE SURPRISES.
OH, BOY! WINE! THANKS A LOT.
YOU WERE A LOT OF HELP.
NO PROBLEM, PAUL.
GLAD YOU COULD COME TO ME.
HEY, PAUL.
HOW LONG YOU BEEN STANDING THERE? WERE YOU LISTENING IN ON US? JUST SAYING "HEY" TO A CO-WORKER.
OH.
HEY.
SO, HAVE A GOOD ONE RUSTY.
WHAT'D YOU HEAR? NOTHING.
OK.
(IN HIGH VOICE) OIL CAN.
OIL CAN! (MAKING SOUND OF AN OIL CAN) NIKKI? HMM? CAN I ASK YOUR ADVICE ABOUT SOMETHING? IF IT'S ABOUT MEN, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY DO THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHAT I TELL YOU.
IT'S--IT'S ABOUT MONEY.
MM-HMM.
I'M HAVING TROUBLE MAKING ENDS MEET.
HOW MUCH YOU MAKING? NOTHING.
I MEAN, I KNOW I'M JUST A COLLEGE INTERN, BUT I KIND OF WELL, I GRADUATED LAST SEMESTER, SO THEY MADE ME MOVE OUT OF MY DORM.
THAT HAD TO HAVE BEEN, LIKE, I KNOW.
IT'S BEEN TOUGH TIMES! HONEY, IF YOU'RE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU WANT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE-- I ALREADY KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO.
I WANT TO WORK HERE.
I WANT TO INFLUENCE POLICY.
I WANT TO TOUCH PEOPLES' LIVES.
HEY, KAREN, WHILE YOU'RE OVER THERE YACKIN', THAT COFFEE AIN'T BREWIN' ITSELF.
YOU GO FOR IT.
BUT I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
YOU GOTTA GO TO MIKE.
AND WHEN YOU DO, YOU HAVE TO BE CONFIDENT.
MAKE HIM BELIEVE THAT IF HE DOESN'T SCOOP YOU RIGHT UP, YOU GOT 100 JOBS WAITING FOR YOU.
Karen: OH, HI! UH, MIKE, I GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE-- CONGRATULATIONS, KIDDO.
WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD.
THANKS.
BYE.
LISTEN, I KNOW WE GOT OFF TO KIND OF A ROCKY START.
I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW, I DIDN'T GO IN THERE PLANNING ON CHARMING YOU.
YOU WERE JUST SO DELIGHTFUL, I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF.
CAREFUL.
YOU MIGHT BE DOING IT AGAIN.
SEE THAT? I CAN'T HELP IT.
I'M JUST-- I'M NATURALLY CHARMING.
IT'S MY ACHILLES HEEL.
WE ALL HAVE OUR WEAKNESSES.
YEAH, WHAT'S YOURS? AND HOW CAN I USE IT TO MY ADVANTAGE? I ALWAYS HAVE TO HAVE THE LAST WORD.
OH, REALLY? MM-HMM.
INTERESTING.
THANKS.
YOU CAN STOP NOW.
CAN'T.
ANYWAY, YOU'LL FIND THIS PLACE ISN'T SO HARD ONCE YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT MAKES PEOPLE TICK.
YOU SEE, THERE'S COUNCILMAN SHELLEY.
NOW YOU LET HIM TALK TO YOU ABOUT HIS TENNIS GAME, HE'LL GIVE YOU THE WORLD.
OH, THANK YOU.
OH, AND THAT'S LOBBYIST SAL VOLETTA.
IF YOU SEE HIM WITH SOMEONE WHO LOOKS LIKE HIS DAUGHTER, IT'S PROBABLY HIS WIFE.
IF YOU SEE HIM WITH SOMEONE WHO LOOKS LIKE HIS SON, KEEP WALKING.
I APPRECIATE YOU SHOWING ME THE ROPES.
I DIDN'T THINK THE CITY COUNCIL AND THE MAYOR'S OFFICE HAD THIS KIND OF RELATIONSHIP.
WELL, YEAH, WE HAVEN'T HISTORICALLY, BUT I GOTTA BE HONEST WITH YOU.
YOU ARE JUST SUCH A BREATH OF FRESH AIR.
DAVE AND I NEVER SAW EYE TO EYE.
BUT WITH US, IT'S LIKE WE ALREADY SPEAK THE SAME LANGUAGE.
(SPEAKING SPANISH) SÍ.
I JUST SAID, "YOU HAVE NO IDEA "WHAT I'M SAYING RIGHT NOW, BUT YOU'LL PROBABLY FAKE IT ANYWAY.
" GRACIAS.
HEY, YOUR PLACE LOOKS GREAT! OH, THANKS! LISTEN, AS LONG AS WE'RE UP HERE, WHY DON'T I THROW IN SOME LUNCH, SAVE US SOME TIME? WELL, THAT SOUNDS GOOD, BUT I GOT A TABLE RESERVED OVER AT ERNIE'S.
OH, I'M SURE THEY WOULDN'T MIND.
WELL, ACTUALLY, THEY'RE VERY STRICT ABOUT THEIR RESERVATIONS.
ERNIE'S GOT MOB TIES.
THERE COULD BE TROUBLE.
WHAT'S THE MATTER, YOU DIDN'T PAY YOUR ELECTRIC BILL? WE DIDN'T COME UP HERE BECAUSE YOU FORGOT YOUR POCKETBOOK, DID WE? MAY I TAKE YOUR COAT OFF? WHY? YOU'RE NOT WEARING MY COAT.
NOW, PAUL, YOU MAY BE ABLE TO DISMISS THOSE REPORTERS WITH YOUR SMOOTH TALK AND FAST WIT, BUT IT'S ME.
LISTEN.
WE'RE ADULTS.
AND I'VE WAITED MY WHOLE LIFE FOR SOMEONE LIKE YOU.
I WANT TO TAKE THIS RELATIONSHIP TO THE NEXT LEVEL.
YOU KNOW, I REALLY SHOULD GO, BECAUSE MY LUNCH BREAK IS ALMOST OVER.
OH, NO! I'M A WOMAN, PAUL.
LOOK AT ME.
OH, NO.
DON'T MAKE ME.
I'LL TURN INTO AN ANIMAL! PAUL NO! PAUL.
(SNARLS) (TUNE TO STAYIN' ALIVE) * WELL, YOU CAN TELL BY THE WAY I USE MY WALK * * I'M A WOMAN'S MAN, NO TIME TO TALK ** *** SO, HOW GOES OUR LITTLE FRIENDSHIP FARCE? IT'S GOING PRETTY WELL.
I HANG OUT WITH YOU EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.
IT SEEMS TO KEEP YOU HAPPY.
HAR HAR.
WITH GABBY SANCHEZ, MIKE.
FORGET ABOUT IT.
I GOT HER RIGHT HERE IN MY POCKET.
PLENTY OF ROOM IN THERE SINCE DAVE NELSON MOVED OUT.
LOOK, IT'S GOT A BEAUTIFUL BAY WINDOW.
ON A CLEAR DAY, YOU CAN SEE MY NIPPLE.
YOUR WORK HERE IS INCREDIBLY THOROUGH.
VERY IMPRESSIVE FOR YOUR FIRST DAY ON THE JOB.
I'VE BEEN PREPARING FOR THIS MY ENTIRE LIFE.
REALLY.
MUST HAVE HAD A VERY BORING CHILDHOOD.
HOW'D SHE GET OUT OF YOUR POCKET? WELL, I MUST BE GETTING OLDER BECAUSE I DON'T REMEMBER SCHEDULING THIS MEETING.
I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER BEING INVITED TO IT.
MISS SANCHEZ JUST DROPPED BY.
IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD, OR JUST COME BY FOR A CUP OF SUGAR? ACTUALLY, SHE BROUGHT ME THIS WONDERFUL BOTTLE OF WINE.
I SHOULD PROBABLY BE GOING.
I JUST WANT TO THANK YOU, MR.
MAYOR, FOR YOUR TIME, AND SAY GOOD-BYE.
YOU SHOULD SAY GOOD-BYE BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW WHEN YOU'LL EVER BE SEEING EACH OTHER AGAIN.
EVER.
ACTUALLY, MIKE, WE'RE GOING TO BE SEEING EACH OTHER FOR BREAKFAST EVERY WEDNESDAY MORNING, TALK ABOUT THE ISSUES, JUST THE TWO OF US.
OH, THAT'S A GREAT IDEA, SIR.
THAT'S INSPIRED.
GABBY, FEEL FREE TO GIVE ME A CALL IF YOU EVER WANT TO KNOW HOW THINGS ARE SUPPOSED TO WORK AROUND HERE.
THAT'S OK.
I THINK I'M GETTING IT.
YOU'RE LATE.
FIRE ME.
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? HEAVEN.
OH.
I GUESS OUR LITTLE TALK HELPED.
SO.
SPILL.
PLEASE.
I DON'T LIKE TO KISS AND TELL.
SO YOU KISSED HER? (LAUGHING) DID MORE THAN THAT-- DAMN.
I GUESS THE DROUGHT IS OVER, HUH? DROUGHT IS OVER, THE DAMN HAS BURST, THE WHOLE VILLAGE HAS BEEN WASHED AWAY.
SO, HOW DID IT GO? WERE YOU NERVOUS? A LITTLE NERVOUS, BUT THEN I SAID TO MYSELF, "LOOK, YOU'RE NOT GONNA FIT THROUGH THE BATHROOM WINDOW, SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUST GO OUT THERE, RIGHT?" WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT? MYSELF IN HIGH SCHOOL.
LOOK, I'M GONNA GO CHECK MY VOICE MESSAGES.
SHE MUST HAVE LEFT HUNDREDS OF MESSAGES.
(ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS) YOU KNOW HOW EMOTIONAL WOMEN CAN BE ABOUT "OH, CARTER.
IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
" Computerized voice: YOU HAVE NO MESSAGES.
WHAT? (BEEP BEEP) YOU HAVE NO MESSAGES.
HOW CAN THAT BE? I SHOULD HAVE HEARD FROM HER.
I DON'T LIKE THE FEELING OF THIS.
PAUL, I'M SURE IT'S NOTHING.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
SHE'S PROBABLY BUSY.
SHE'S GOT AN APPOINTMENT.
SHE'S COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN ABOUT ME! THANKS A LOT FOR THE ADVICE.
YOU RUINED MY LIFE.
MIKE, THERE IS NOTHING GOOD ABOUT THIS.
ALL GABBY'S GONNA DO WITH THE 1-ON-1 TIME WITH THE MAYOR IS TRY AND PUSH THE COUNCIL'S AGENDA.
OH, REALLY, STUART? TELL ME.
WHERE DO BABIES COME FROM? THIS LADY IS SHARP.
I MEAN, SHE'S BARELY BEEN HERE A DAY.
SO, MIKE, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT HER? CAN I SAY IT NOW? PLEASE DO.
CRUSH HER! SHE MAY HAVE DRAWN FIRST BLOOD, BUT THERE ARE A THOUSAND BATTLES GOING ON IN THIS PLACE EVERY DAY SHE KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT-- POLICE DEPLOYMENT, SCHOOL ADMINISTRATION, HOSPITAL FUNDING.
JUST DON'T LET IT GET PETTY, MIKE.
HERE'S THE HIGH ROAD.
HERE'S ME WALKING ALONG IT.
YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHY THE LOCKS ON MY OFFICE WERE CHANGED? I CAN HELP YOU GET THIS JOB, BUT YOU'VE GOT TO DROP THIS WHOLE SORORITY GIRL THING.
YOU'RE A BUSINESS WOMAN NOW.
YOU GOTTA BE TOUGH.
INTIMIDATING.
POWERFUL.
THINK YOU CAN DO THAT? YES, INDEEDY! LESS CHEER WOULD HELP.
(LOWER VOICE) YES, INDEEDY.
OH, WHY HASN'T SHE CALLED ME? PAUL, IT'S BARELY NOON.
JUST BECAUSE CLAUDIA HASN'T CALLED YET, IT'S HARDLY REASON TO FALL APART.
I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN! WE SHOULD NEVER HAVE SLEPT TOGETHER.
WHY DID I HAVE TO BE SO WEAK? WHY, WHY, WHY?! PAUL IT'S LIKE MY MOTHER ALWAYS SAID-- WHY BUY THE COW IF YOU CAN GET THE MILK FOR FREE? YOUR MOTHER WAS AWARE THAT YOU WERE A BOY? NICE RACQUETBALL GAME THIS MORNING, YOUR HONOR.
YOU REALLY CLEANED UP THE FLOOR WITH ME.
I NEVER STOOD A CHANCE! DON'T BE TOO HARD ON YOURSELF, MIKE.
IT'S PROBABLY IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO WIN WITH YOUR LIPS STUCK TO HIS ASS.
NOT TRUE.
HE'S VERY SPRY FOR A MAN HIS AGE.
HARVEY, I TALKED TO THE MAYOR ABOUT THAT THING.
WE'LL GET BACK TO YOU, I PROMISE.
THANKS, MIKE.
LOOK AT YOU! YOU'RE LIKE A HUMAN HANDSHAKE, AREN'T YOU? AM I CORDIAL TO MY FELLOW WORKERS? YES.
AM I CONCERNED ABOUT THEIR HEALTH AND WELFARE? YES.
AM I SOME SLICK, POLITICAL OPERATIVE? NO.
HEY, MIKE.
THANKS FOR THE KNICKS TICKETS.
YOU GOT MY VOTE.
IT WASN'T ABOUT VOTES.
THAT WAS ABOUT FRIENDSHIP.
HEALTH AND WELFARE.
ALL RIGHT, OCCASIONALLY I ENGAGE IN A LITTLE POLITICAL GAMESMANSHIP.
IT COMES WITH THE TERRITORY.
YEAH.
I NOTICED.
I'M BACK IN MY OFFICE, BY THE WAY.
DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP OVER THAT.
EVENTUALLY YOU'LL LEARN HOW THINGS WORK AROUND HERE.
HOW A WELL-PLACED BOTTLE OF SCOTCH CAN GET A CUSTODIAN TO CHANGE A LOCK OR TWO.
THAT WAS VERY MATURE.
YOU STARTED IT! YOU GAVE THE MAYOR MY BOTTLE OF WINE AFTER I CAME TO YOU AS A FRIEND.
OH, YEAH, MIKE.
THAT WAS TOTALLY OUT OF THE GOODNESS OF YOUR HEART.
YOU WEREN'T TRYING TO PUT ME IN YOUR POCKET.
I'M SORRY, PUT YOU IN MY--MY POCKET? I'M NOT FAMILIAR WITH THAT EXPRESSION.
IS THAT A SPANISH TERM? SO, THIS IS HOW IT'S GONNA BE, HUH? IT'S THE WAY IT USUALLY ENDS UP.
WELL, I'M OK WITH THAT, 'CAUSE I KNOW WHICH SIDE OF CITY HALL IS GOING TO COME OUT ON TOP.
YEAH.
I, UH I WOULDN'T BE TOO SURE OF THAT.
CUSTODIANS ALSO LIKE BOURBON.
NIKKI! GUESS WHO? WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL DAY? OH, I WAS ON SUCH A HIGH FROM YESTERDAY, I HAD TO TAKE THE DAY OFF.
YEAH, I'M SORRY.
I HAD TO COME INTO WORK.
NO, NO, NO.
YOU ARE SUCH A BREATH OF FRESH AIR.
YOU'RE NOT CLINGY.
YOU DON'T SMOTHER ME.
IT'S SUCH A RELIEF.
YEAH, WELL, WITH ME YOU CAN COUNT ON GETTING YOUR OWN SPACE, BABY.
[CHUCKLES.]
YOU'RE AMAZING.
I'M LYING.
I MUST HAVE CALLED YOU OH, AND YOU'RE NOT AFRAID TO BE NEEDY.
ARE YOU A GIFT FROM GOD.
LISTEN, WHEN I COULDN'T FIND YOU, I PANICKED, SO I CALLED YOUR PARENTS.
OK, THAT'S A LITTLE WEIRD.
YOUR MOM WAS CONVINCED THAT YOU WERE HURT AND THAT I WAS HIDING IT FROM HER, SO TO CALM HER DOWN I TOLD HER THAT WE HAD SEX.
YOU CALLED MY MOTHER AND TOLD HER WE HAD SEX? WELL, I USED THE TERM "MADE LOVE.
" TO A WONDERFUL WOMAN.
PAUL!!! LOOK.
WHAT WE HAD YESTERDAY WAS BEAUTIFUL, BUT IT THREW ME FOR A LOOP.
I'M AN OLD-FASHIONED GUY.
MAYBE SEX DOESN'T HAVE TO BE PART OF OUR RELATIONSHIP FOR ME TO KEEP FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU.
THAT IS THE MOST ROMANTIC THING I HAVE EVER HEARD.
WHO AM I KIDDING? I WANT TO PEEL YOU LIKE A GRAPE.
COME ON.
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
AFTER I DID MY TIME IN THE SERVICE, I STARTED LOOKING TOWARD POLITICS.
OF COURSE, YOU HAVE TO SPEND SOME TIME ON THE LOCAL LEVEL BEFORE YOU CAN MAKE A BID FOR MAYOR.
OH, HEY, MIKE.
I DON'T KNOW WHO THIS LITTLE FELLA BELONGS TO, BUT HE'S BEEN FOLLOWING ME SINCE THE CANDY MACHINE.
I'LL TAKE HIM OFF YOUR HANDS, SIR.
I'M NOT SURE HE'S READY TO GO.
WE JUST BARELY COVERED MY COLLEGE YEARS.
IRONICALLY, I MAJORED IN LITERATURE.
(WEAKLY.]
Help me.
YEAH, SIR, ISN'T THERE THAT CHARITY DINNER YOU HAVE TO GET READY FOR? ALL RIGHT, YOUNG FELLA.
DON'T YOU THINK THAT CANDY BAR'S GONNA SPOIL YOUR APPETITE? I'M A GROWN MAN, MIKE.
HAVE A SEAT.
SOWHAT'S YOUR NAME? HEY, COME ON.
DIDN'T I SAVE YOU FROM THE BIG, TALL AND SCARY GUY? MY NAME IS GEORGE SANCHEZ.
OH, YEAH.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
I RECOGNIZE YOU FROM YOUR PICTURES IN YOUR MOM'S OFFICE.
I WAS 6 IN THAT PICTURE.
I'M MUCH OLDER NOW.
WHAT ARE YOU, YOU'RE, LIKE, 28? 29? NO.
6 1/2.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME? MIKE.
MIKE FLAHERTY.
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO MY MOM IS AFRAID OF.
SHE'S AFRAID OF ME? S-S-S-SHE SAID THAT? GEORGE, GIVE ME A HIGH 5, BUD.
GEORGE, DON'T RUN OFF, OK? SORRY.
THANKS FOR LOOKING OUT FOR HIM.
OH, NO PROBLEM.
HE'S A SWEET KID.
BOY, YOU MUST BE REALLY BUSY WITH THE NEW JOB AND THIS GUY.
I THINK I'M MANAGING.
YOU'RE DOING GREAT.
WELL, ANY TIME YOU FEEL LIKE WAVING THE WHITE FLAG, YOU CAN DROP BY MY OFFICE AND-- WHY ARE YOU SMILING? (MOCKING VOICE) * YOU'RE AFRAID OF ME * (SNICKERS.]
WHAT? I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T SEE IT SOONER.
YOU'RE IN A NEW JOB.
OF COURSE YOU'RE GONNA PUT ON A BRAVE FACE.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU GOT THIS FROM.
SORRY.
(SPEAKS SPANISH) I'M SORRY.
WHAT DID SHE SAY? IT WAS BAD.
LET'S GO, GEORGE.
HEY, GEORGE.
LISTEN CAN YOU KEEP A SECRET, BUDDY? YEAH.
I'M AFRAID OF HER, TOO.
MOMMY! GEORGE, NO! BUDDY, THAT WAS BETWEEN US! PAL! GEORGE! KAREN.
NICE OUTFIT.
VERY PROFESSIONAL.
THANKS.
I QUIT.
WHAT? I AM A COLLEGE GRADUATE, AND I CAN NO LONGER BE AN INTERN.
KARENWOW.
WE'RE GONNA BE SORRY TO SEE YOU GO.
YOU SAID HE'D GIVE ME A JOB.
YOU GOTTA ASK HIM FIRST! MIKE? AH.
UH, MIKE, M-MR.
MAYOR, I THINK YOU SHOULD HIRE ME ONTO THE REGULAR STAFF.
I'VE WORKED HARD FOR OVER A YEAR, AND I DESERVE IT.
WHAT DO YOU THINK, SIR? I THINK SHE'S BEEN A LOYAL AND VALUABLE PART OF THIS ADMINISTRATION.
SHE'S TOTALLY PROVEN HERSELF.
CONGRATULATIONS.
THANK YOU! THANK YOU SO MUCH.
OH, MR.
MAYOR, YOU WON'T REGRET THIS.
I'LL NEVER LET YOU DOWN.
I DON'T DOUBT IT FOR A SECOND.
(SQUEALS) (CHUCKLES.]
WHO THE HELL IS SHE? Man: SIT, UBU, SIT.
GOOD DOG.
(BARKING) MOO.