Sports Night (1998) s01e15 Episode Script

Seriously.
|Keep an eye on this guy.
My gut instinct says he's got|a future in the NHL.
Dan.
Kim Galey can't stop|breaking records, and these days,|the only records she's breaking|are mostly her own.
Our Jennifer Crystal caught up|with Kim in Baton Rouge.
Dave: 30 seconds back.
-- A little recon.
|-- No.
-- A little recon is all|I'm asking.
|-- No.
-- You go up there,|you introduce yourself,|-- No.
-- and you recommend me.
|-- No.
I recommend you? -- Yes.
|-- No.
Casey, come on.
You want me to walk into the|office of a woman I don't know, a woman who has turned you down each and every one of the|1 7 times you've asked her out, and recommend you? -- Yes.
|-- No.
You think I'm becoming obsessed|with her? Yes.
-- You do?|-- Yes.
-- You think it's 'cause|she won't go out with me?|-- Yes.
-- You think|it's getting distracting?|-- Yes.
-- I'm not distracted.
|-- Really? -- I'm not.
|-- Dave: Back in 10.
-- And you won't do recon?|-- No.
Don't you think|I'd do it for you? Oh, I know you wouldn't.
-- I'm not distracted.
|-- In 32 The sophomore sensation accredits her agility and quick|first step to her father, who used to take her to|a neighborhood park all covered with cheese.
We'll be bringing you part two|of that story tomorrow night.
Casey.
The San Diego Padres -- Did he just say "cheese"?|-- He did just say "cheese.
" What was it supposed to be? -- What was it supposed to be?|-- Let me find it.
A park all covered with cheese? I had three people|talking in my ear.
-- I can't find it.
What block?|-- We just did it.
-- The 50s.
|-- 55.
How about a park|all covered with trees? -- He said "cheese"?|-- Welcome to the show.
for double-A Scottsdale,|with 86 strikeouts.
You're watching "Sports Night"|on CSC, so come on back.
We're out.
Two minutes back.
The neighborhood park|all covered with cheese? -- I said "cheese"?|-- You said "cheese.
" Dana, did I say,|"park all covered with cheese"? There's a consensus, yes.
What are you lookin' at? I'm here for you, man.
Let me fix it|when we come back.
Fix it when we come back.
Are we sure it's wrong? Are we sure the park|isn't all covered with cheese? It's covered with trees,|and shut up.
I was just about to change|my mind and recommend you.
-- Really?|-- No.
Dana, Casey's being mean to me.
Casey, be nice to Dan.
"The sophomore sensation "accredits her agility and quick|first step to her father, who used to take her|to a neighborhood park|all covered with cheese.
" [ Chuckling .]
Dana we got all kinds of|sentence construction here.
I think he's gonna|have to explain that it's the park|that's covered with cheese|and not the father.
This is an unforgiving room.
Plus it's a little hard|to figure how running through cheese|helped the kid with her agility|and quick first step.
Thank you, everyone.
Boy, will I be happy when someone gets me the film on Albert Belle.
That would be a happy moment|for me.
-- Guess what.
|-- What? -- I'm going snorkeling.
|-- Seriously.
Don't anyone bring me|the Albert Belle film that I asked for,|'cause I'll get emotional.
Did you hear me? Yeah, you're going snorkeling.
I'm going snorkeling|off the island of Latok.
-- Where's Latok?|-- I do not know.
Also, if anybody brought me|the Albert Belle film,|it would be bad, 'cause I'd be able|to work right now.
-- Don't you want to know|when I'm going?|-- When are you going? Week after next,|weekend after next -- next Friday through|next Sunday.
-- You seem pretty excited.
|-- You bet I'm excited.
I'm assuming this is|with Gordon.
He asked me last night.
Just the two of you? Just the two of us|And three other couples.
-- What does that|sound like to you?|-- A total of four couples.
Do you think it's a good sign? That he asked you|to go snorkeling? Yes.
Yes.
Me too.
Is there anything else? It sounds good, doesn't it? The snorkeling? That he asked me,|just the two of us -- just the eight of us --|off the island of Latok.
Sounds like a lot of people|are gonna be having sex with|a lot of other people|who aren't me.
[ Laughs .]
That's right.
Sounds good.
Hey.
-- Natalie.
|-- Yes, ma'am.
-- I'm going snorkeling.
|-- What do you mean? Gordon asked me|to go snorkeling.
-- Is he going, too?|-- Of course he's -- Yes.
Do you think he called me|and said, "Dana, I want you to go|away from me and snorkel"? God, you don't think|that's what he meant, do you? Absolutely not.
|I'm going snorkeling.
That's great.
-- lsn't it?|-- Yes.
-- lsn't it just great?|-- It really is.
-- I'm going snorkeling.
|-- Are you okay? -- You have to help me.
|-- Why? 'Cause I'm going snorkeling.
-- What's the problem?|-- I can't snorkel.
-- Sure, you can.
|-- No, I can't.
-- I've seen you swim.
|-- I swim just fine.
-- And you like the water.
|-- I like the water|very much.
-- They really, really won't.
|-- Why not? I'm afraid of fish.
-- You're afraid of fish?|-- I'm afraid of fish,|Natalie.
Fish frighten me|in a very real way.
-- Have you had a bad experience|with fish?|-- No.
Then what's the -- Well, it's just|the way it is.
Well, that puts you|in a bit of a pickle.
Well, what do you think|I can do? I don't even know|what the problem is.
-- Then why did you say|I was in a pickle?|-- It's fun to say.
I can't help but notice that|you're not that happy for me.
Gordon asked me to spend|the weekend with him when the smart money said he was gonna drop me|like a sack of rocks, -- and you don't seem to be|that happy.
|-- I'm happy.
I thought maybe you were gonna|say I shouldn't go, 'cause I'm not really|in love with Gordon.
-- And secretly in love|with Casey?|-- Yeah.
No.
I thought you were gonna|say that.
-- I'm not.
|-- I'm glad.
-- I'm dropping it.
|-- Thank you.
From now on, you are no longer|secretly in love with Casey.
Huh.
Sowhat do I do? Uh, about the fish? Yes.
Well, how about when everyone|goes snorkeling, you, you know,|don't go snorkeling? The whole point of this is that Gordon feels I'm not|giving enough of myself.
Gordon loves snorkeling.
He's asked me|to go snorkeling, so when everyone|goes snorkeling,|I have to go snorkeling.
Well, how about,|when everyone goes snorkeling, you stay here in New York with|Casey, whom you secretly love.
[ Groans .]
I should have|seen that coming.
Yes, indeed.
She's never seen the show.
Yes.
Don't you find that remarkable? Okay.
She works for CSC.
She works for|Continental Corp.
-- Aren't we one big family?|-- I like to think of us|that way.
And she's never seen the show.
Isn't there someone|you could call? Like who? A grievance hotline? I'd like you|to take this seriously.
I don't think|that's gonna happen, do you? I just think if she saw me|on the show, she would like me.
I'm my best on the show.
|It's what I want people to see.
I put all day into one hour,|and I'm proud of it, but she won't watch|the show.
I'm really troubled by that.
Yeah, I can tell|you're all broken up.
How many times have you|approached this woman? Altogether? Yes.
Nine times.
Including the flowers? And waiting by the elevator? -- Okay, now --|-- 1 7 times.
-- 17 times.
|-- Yes.
And what has she said|each time? Well, it usually runs|something along the lines of, "Dan, I'm not interested.
" Okay.
"Dan, you're a nice guy,|but I'm just not interested.
" So let me ask -- have you|explored the possibility|that she's not interested? Oh, I'm well aware|that she's not interested.
Well, have you tried|showing her how you feel, Danny? I mean, have you tried doing it|at least20 times? I will not be the subject|of your mockery.
Oh, I think you shall.
-- Jeremy.
|-- What do you need? -- Hmm?|-- You called me.
-- Yes.
|-- What do you need? -- Exactly.
|-- Don't listen to him,|Jeremy.
Nobody's talking to you! Hi.
How are you doin'? I need a favor.
Is this about Rebecca? -- Rebecca? No.
|-- Yes.
I am rooting for you, Dan,|but I really can't get involved|in things like this.
It's not about Rebecca.
Bad things happen to people when they get involved|in other people's business, a lesson I'm trying|to teach Natalie.
I'd like to set|a good example.
It's notaboutRebecca.
-- What's the favor?|-- It's about Rebecca.
-- Yes!|-- Let me tell you|what I'd like you to do.
I'd like you to go up|to her office on some excuse, and then say|some nice things about me.
Let me tell you|why I'm not gonna do that.
-- I'll look like a jackass.
|-- No, you would look sweet.
-- I don't think so.
|-- Women love this.
-- Stalking? Not as much|as you may think.
|-- Yeah.
Jeremy -- you and I need a bond.
|-- We have a bond.
-- It could be stronger.
|-- It's pretty strong.
-- Look at me and Casey.
|-- Was he willing to do it? Casey: No!|-- Hey! I've got work.
Is there nothing|I wouldn't do for you? [ Telephones ringing .]
[ lndistinct conversations .]
All the help I gave you|with Natalie.
Is there nothing|I wouldn't do for you? And this is how|I'm to be repaid? I see you're about to cave.
No, I just can't believe|how much you sounded like|my mother just then.
-- You'll do it?|-- What possible excuse can l|give for stopping by her office? -- You'll think of something.
|-- I won't think of something.
-- You will.
|-- I won't.
-- You're good on your feet.
|-- I'm not good on my feet.
-- You really are.
|-- I'm really not.
You just need to mention|some impressive things about me.
|I've prepared a short list.
-- There isn't any other way|we can strengthen our bond?|-- No.
Give me the list.
This is their world, Isaac.
They live where it's murky.
Poisonous, tentacle-bearing,|prehistoric sea creatures.
You're afraid of fish? And I'm not ashamed|to admit it.
There aren't gonna be|any sharks down there.
We don't know|what the hell's down there.
It's down there.
|It's their home court.
They know what they're doing|down there.
They can breathe down there.
I need this ridiculous|rubber tube and a pair of goggles.
Are you afraid they're gonna|make fun of you? -- lsaac --|-- No, really, I mean, are you afraid the fish are|gonna look at you, and point, and say, "Look|at that thing with the lungs"? No, I'm not afraid the fish|are gonna make fun of me.
You eat fish, don't you? And don't you think|they know that? [ Chuckles .]
I don't think snorkeling's|for you.
This is what I'm saying.
-- Dana.
|-- Yes.
Is everything all right? Yeah.
No, I meant|with you and Gordon.
Is everything all right? Yeah, I'm just -- I'm 33.
Tsk.
And I'm very much afraid|of fish.
Okay.
Rebecca: If Diane's office|doesn't have it, then you|should talk to Sloane.
If Sloane doesn't have it,|then we're working late|tonight.
-- Excuse me.
|-- Hi.
-- Rebecca?|-- Yes.
Rebecca Wells? -- Yes.
Hi.
|-- Hi.
Oh, I can wait|till you're off the phone.
What's this about? That's a perfectly fair|question.
Doug, I'm gonna|call you back, okay? Hey -- I -- It could have waited.
What could have waited? Well, I'm here to|welcome you, actually.
You're new here,|and I came to say "welcome.
" Welcome to the building.
I've been working here|for three years.
Yes, I misspoke.
I'm new here.
And you came by|to say welcome? -- Yes.
No.
|-- Really? -- What's your name?|-- Jeremy Goodwin.
Jeremy, why don't you give it|another try? -- All right, I will.
Yes.
|-- You're from "Sports Night.
" -- Dan sent you?|-- Yes.
-- To say nice things about him.
|-- I have a list.
Is everyone who works|on your show deranged? I swear, everyone but me.
You needed a better plan,|Jeremy.
Yes, I know.
-- You came down here|with nothin'.
|-- Hey, not with nothing.
"Welcome to the building"?|Hmm.
Won't you please|go out with Dan? [ Sighing .]
Well, God.
Maybe.
Cause at cheerleader tryouts,|Kiki did say Dan was talking|about me in the cafeteria.
-- Rebecca --|-- Dan's a very good-looking|man, he's charming, he's a television star.
I would think he could have|any woman he wants.
-- He wants you.
|-- He wants me today.
-- Well, for the last week.
|-- Yes.
What were we talking about? [ Sighs .]
I've had experience|with sportscasters.
-- What kind of experience?|-- I was married to one.
-- Ahh.
Which one?|-- Yes.
-- None of your business.
|-- That's right.
They are self-absorbed,|narrow-minded, immature people of limited intelligence|and limitless ego.
It's none of my business, but if that's the kind of thing|you told your husband -- -- We're through here now.
|Take care.
|-- Right.
Hey, look -- go out with him|or don't go out with him, but for the record, nothing|you just said describes Dan.
Thank you.
Welcome to the building.
Dana:|After 15:23, we'll throw it|to a two shot on the break.
-- That's a bonus break.
|-- Yeah, but it's scripted|in the 20s.
-- You need to erase that.
|-- I scratched it out.
|-- All right, Tampa Bay -- -- If you used a pencil,|you could erase that.
|-- I like to use a pen.
Tampa Bay -- You should use a pencil.
Would it be possible|to have one 10:00 meeting that doesn't degenerate|into dork recess? The noon meeting,|the 6:00, the 8:00 -- these are fine,|and then the 10:00 rolls around, and you all start to unravel.
Just once I'd like that|not to happen! All right.
|Casey's got 3:10 -- I have to go snorkeling.
-- Dana.
|-- No, I have to, Natalie.
I-I know.
I'm saying|maybe now's not the time -- Gordon thinks|I'm too invested in the show.
-- [ Telephone ringing .]
|-- I'm losing him, and I believe I can heal our relationship|if I go snorkeling.
The guys I'm with --|it's usually good enough|just to wear the outfit.
-- Conference room.
|-- I will overcome|my fear of fish.
Gordon's on your line.
You see what good thinking|can do? -- Do you want us|to step outside?|-- He's just calling to say hi.
What's happening? We were just talking|about that.
I'm gonna overcome|my fear of fish.
[ Chuckles nervously .]
Really? Let's meet back|in 20 minutes.
No, no, that'sfine.
This way, I can take the time|I was going to devote to getting over|my fear of fish to get over my fear|of something elseIike bears -- I've never really been|comfortable with.
-- Hey, Casey.
|-- Hey, Natalie.
-- Do you mind|if I grab a piece of paper?|-- Sure.
'Kay.
-- How you doin'?|-- What did I do? Why aren't you pursuing Dana|the way I told you to? Hey, Dana made it very clear|in no uncertain terms that she wanted me|to stop pursuing her, and that was back when|I never was pursuing her,|which I'm still not now.
She's in there right now|listening to Gordon bail|on the snorkeling trip, and she was very excited|about it.
She was gonna get over|her fear of fish.
Fish is not|what Dana's afraid of.
-- What's she afraid of?|-- Holding out|for what she deserves.
Exactly! Exactly.
I totally agree, and I don't|even know what that means.
Do you think Dana's happy|going out with Gordon? -- I do not.
|-- We're in agreement.
I think Dana would be happy|going out with you.
And there we do not agree.
Listen to what|I'm telling you! I have, and you're wrong.
We're best friends.
|She tells me things.
-- What has she told you?|-- Things.
-- She told you she'd rather|be going out with me|than with Gordon?|-- Not in those words.
-- In what words?|-- Other words.
-- Natalie --|-- Gordon's about to break up|with Dana.
He might even be doing it|right now.
And the only reason|Dana cares is that she thinks|she's supposed to care.
-- She thinks|this is her fault.
|Isaac: Casey.
Isaac, don't you think -- don't you know that Dana|isn't happy with Gordon, and that Gordon is about to|break up with Dana, and Dana|only thinks she cares? You know what? I'm gonna step out now,|and it'll be like|I never came in.
Casey no kidding around.
The world keeps moving|in one direction.
Do something.
Really.
If I did something, Natalie,|it would just be as a friend.
Whatever.
What should I do? You should go to her.
Go to her? You should go to her.
-- When?|-- Now.
-- I should go to her now.
|-- Yes.
On a Thursday.
Yes.
Go to her.
Right.
What should I do|once I get to her? Be a man.
Right.
[ Chuckles .]
I've got that wired, right? Yeah.
[ Sighs .]
[ lndistinct voices .]
[ Telephones ringing .]
Hey, Dana.
Hey, I'm gonna move|San Jose into the 4 block.
That's fine.
And you wrote a killer intro|for the 40s.
Thank you.
-- Uh|-- What? Is -- Is everything|all right with Gordon? Yeah.
'Cause I heard maybe he|called off the snorkeling.
He did.
|We're going skiing instead.
-- Oh.
|-- The same place he took me|that first time.
-- Sugarbush.
|-- Sugarbush.
[ Chuckles .]
Remember.
See, so everything works out.
-- It does.
|-- Hmm.
-- Is there anything else?|-- Nope.
Seriously, the intro you wrote|for the 40s is really funny.
You are cracking me up today.
Excellent.
This 1 3/8 gets amortized|over 4 quarters.
It has to be right|on all of the documents before they get sent over|to Shearson.
Got it.
-- How you doin'?|-- Dan.
-- I knew I knew you.
|-- Yes.
-- You're Steve Sisco's wife.
|-- Ex-wife.
-- We were introduced once.
|-- Yes.
Why have you been pretending|you didn't remember? Look who's talking.
|You didn't remember me,|and you weren't pretending.
Yeah, but then we met|in the elevator, and you pretended you didn't|remember me after that until you did|remember me later,|but then you didn't want to|go out with me anyway.
-- That's right.
|-- Because sportscasters|are self-absorbed, narrow-minded people|of limited intelligence|and limitless ego.
That's right.
Let me tell you something --|first of all, I'm a sports anchor,|not a sportscaster.
Second of all,|you married a jerk.
I know about Steve Sisco.
Everybody knows|about Steve Sisco.
Sister, you married a loser.
And the fact that you think|that that man's low-grade brand|of manhood is any way indicative|of my profession is beneath your obvious|intelligence and class.
What guys like that do|to women like you makes me absolutely crazy.
I knew I recognized you.
Will you look at this? You're working late, I have a show to do in|10 minutes just 12 stories up.
There's no earthly reason|why you shouldn't be having|dinner with me after the show.
It would be midnight,|and we'd go to a great place,|and I'd ask you about your day, 'cause I genuinely do care|about your day.
And I'd be funny,|and you'd have a good time.
And when I took you home at,|like, 3:00 A.
M.
, and I tried to kiss you|good night, I think I'd have been|successful.
In fact, I know it.
And I can't believe none of|that's ever gonna happen 'cause once there was a time|you married an idiot.
I've got to get back to my job,|which, rest assured, I do considerably better|than Steve Sisco.
[ Laughing .]
|Neighborhood park|all covered with cheese? I knew it.
|You've been watching the show.
Cheese, Danny? -- l-I was distracted.
|-- How exactly did the cheese -- You know what?|I've actually heard them all.
[ Laughs .]
I gotta go.
Were you, uh,|by any chance thinking about me|at that moment? What moment? The moment of|the hideous cheese blunder.
I wouldn't really call it|a hideous cheese blunder.
-- Danny, you said, "a park|all covered with cheese"!|-- I know.
That's the second time|you called me Danny.
Do you like it? Yeah.
Was it because of me? -- Yeah.
|-- The hideous cheese mistake? I was distracted.
Listen, I have to work late.
If you're not doing anything,|do you want to get some dinner|after your show? -- Tonight?|-- Yeah.
I got a date tonight.
[ Sighs .]
That was a joke.
That was a little joke|I wrapped up and gave to you|free for nothing.
[ Sighs .]
|I am serious, Danny.
If you turn out to be|a jackass, I am gonna -- No kidding,|as God is my witness -- I am gonna do something|bad to you with numbers.
I stand warned.
Do you swear the hideous cheese|mistake was because of me? Yes.
That's really nice.
|Thank you.
-- I'll see you later.
|-- See ya.
I don't have sound on Philly,|and I'm still looking for|a cold graphic.
Preview 2.
-- I don't have Philly.
|-- Nobody has Philly.
Casey? Yeah.
-- The feed from San Antonio --|-- Yeah? Don't be freaked out|if it's in Spanish.
Okay.
-- Natalie.
Where's Dan?|-- Yeah.
Where's Dan? I don't have Philly,|and I don't have Dan.
Dan, despite my best efforts,|is getting his heart broken|by Rebecca, who gave me quite|a tongue-lashing, by the way.
-- Dave: Live in 30 seconds.
|-- Excuse me.
|She gave you what? [ Snaps fingers .]
# Zip-a-dee-doo-dah # # zip-a-dee-ay # # My, oh, my,|what a wonderful day # Dan's back.
Thank you, Dan.
[ Sighs .]
# Plenty of sunshine,|plenty of hay # Uh, it's not "plenty of hay.
" It's "plenty of sunshine|headin' my way.
" That makes more sense.
I gather it went well.
You know,|sometimes it's worth it -- taking all the pies|in the face.
Sometimes you come through it|feeling good.
Yes.
And how was your day? Sometimes you just|stand there hip deep in pie.
Dave: In 32 Good evening.
|From New York City, I'm Casey McCall|alongside Dan Rydell.
Those stories, plus|we'll take you to lndian Wells for a hard-core preview|with Marcello Rios.
We'll take you out|to Auburn Hills, where the Pistons tipped off|against a Shaq attack minus the Shaq.
All that coming up after this.
You're watching|"Sports Night" on CSC,|so stick around.