The Big Fat Quiz of the Year (2013) s01e15 Episode Script

1 This programme contains strong language and adult humour APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Hello and welcome to the Big Fat Quiz of 2017.
This is a quiz all about 2017, or as world history will remember it, The Final Chapter.
This show will test your memory, your knowledge of all things 2017, and my patience.
Let's meet the teams.
We like to call them the A team - sorry, not the A Team, that's A team - it's David Mitchell and Roisin Conaty! Next up, one's the king of grim, the other's past her prime - it's the pride of Brixton and the mild embarrasment of Canada, it's Katherine Ryan and Big Narstie! And finally, these two are like toddlers at a wedding.
They're tired, excited, and they're showing off - it's bound to get annoying.
Richard Ayoade and Noel Fielding! Before we get started, let's talk about how our years have been.
How was your 2017, David? I'd say it was personally adequate and internationally disastrous.
Genuinely the world looks like it's more likely to end sooner rather than later.
But the thing to remember is that at some point the sun's going to explode.
We've got that, that's happening whatever, so whether humanity makes it until the sun explodes or not, it's irrelevant, really, isn't it? Jimmy, my team-mate Big Narstie has noticed that David Mitchell sounds like David Mitchell from TV.
He does! Like from the programme! He's some guest! He's a major guest.
I'm having some real fan ting right now.
What's your favourite show of David's? What do you like? - The It ting.
- The It ting.
I'm sorry Stephen King's It.
You're in it as well! Well, he's definitely in it.
He's not in it, though, is he? - No.
I don't - No! Peep Show! Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
I love how you fused those two shows.
The It Peep.
- Peep It.
- Peep It.
Roisin, highlight of 2017.
What was it for you? I've had an all right year, personally.
You had GameFace on Channel 4 - her own sitcom.
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Thanks, guys.
Big Narstie, presumably a good year for you? Yeah, give God thanks and praise.
I've been turning up, still.
BDL, can, can, can, can.
Now, I didn't get any of that, so Well, Jimmy, I looked at a parents' website for those who are bewildered about the language their children use online to try to understand some of Big Narstie's language.
- BDL, that's Big Defence League.
- Biggest Defence League.
You're getting there.
Bren tuckasben tuckas - .
.
that's good skills.
- Benyeah, yeah! 'Sup! Jimmy, every time I do the Fat Quiz, I get closer to you, and ultimately, I want to be your podium.
That's why I've worn this.
Come and stand here next to this.
You've come as the podium? I've come as your podium.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Welcome to the Big Fat Quiz! OK, so the last year, how was 2017 for you both? It was crazy.
There were a lot of cakes.
I was in a tent at one point.
It's weird, isn't it? I did a cake show.
I don't know fuck-all about cakes.
Richard, how was your 2017? I couldn't pick out a moment.
It was a sludge.
What about the Crystal Maze? That was a huge hit.
Oh, right, yes.
You know you were on that, right? The Crystal Maze? No way! Crystal Maze is the white bald man.
Don't talk rubbish to me, bruv.
It's been redone, and Richard Ayoade's hosting it.
Well, it was a huge hit.
It's completely eclipsed the original, as we can tell.
The original Crystal Maze host Right Said Fred It was Right Said Fred, innit? It wasn't Right Said Fred.
It was Richard O'Brien.
It's no use trying to hide - we can still see you.
OK.
What about team names? Have you got a team name, David, Roisin? We would like to be referred to as The Tinsel Sisters.
That feels, Roisin, like a decision you made.
What's the problem with it? - I liked it.
- Tinsel is Christmassy, sisters You know, some of us are women.
OK.
Big Narstie and Katherine, what is your team name? Light them up.
We're Team Pain.
Yeah! Can I just say, the Tinsel Sisters have only come for a night out! Can I just clarify? Is the team called Team Pain, or is the team called Pain? I think the team is called Team Pain.
OK, so the team name is Team Pain.
Hashtag with the Pain at the beginning as well.
Grr.
Team Pain, hashtag the pain at the beginning as well.
Richard, Noel, what is your team name? Cos he's on Crystal Maze and I'm on the cake show, I thought we should be called Cakes in the Maze.
Like Snakes on the Plane.
Cakes in the Maze? Cakes in the Maze it is.
Right.
On with the show.
Our first round is all about the year's top stories.
Let's remind ourselves what happened.
In March, Theresa May formally triggered Article 50, officially beginning the highly complex and technical process of fucking up Brexit.
In September, Ryanair cancelled thousands of flights after mismanaging pilots' leave.
The cancellations meant thousands of people couldn't get to within an 80-mile bus journey of their final dsetination.
OK, let's get started.
First round.
It's all about the big headlines this year.
Theresa May's speech at the Tory Party Conference in October was a real low point in a generally disastrous year for her.
Can you remember the three things that went wrong during her speech? Point for each.
Three things went wrong during Theresa May's speech.
Question number two.
Immediately after Donald Trump's inauguration, Sean Spicer was caught lying about the size of the crowds.
What I want to know is, how did Trump supportter Kellyanne Conway explain away the bullshit? What I'm looking for is a phrase that she coined, and I'll give you a clue - it wasn't "fake news".
Is she winking, or is one eye just? OK.
This is an excellent question here, people.
This year, Donald Trump proved his statesman-like qualities in a high-stakes war of words with Kim Jong-un.
Trump called Kim short and fat, and Kim called Trump old.
But what other unusual insult did the North Korean leader have for Trump? OK, so here's a picture of Kim Jong-un.
Here we go.
LAUGHTER I don't want to give anyone a hard time, but I think that's the wrong photo.
There he is.
HE LAUGHS Your laugh is so gas, do you know that? Majorly gas.
HE IMITATES JIMMY - It is majorly gas, Jimmy.
- Yeah.
Just be careful, because I'm very sensitive.
Aww.
Mo Farah sign! That is definitely not the Mo Farah sign.
I mean, famously, it's that, isn't it? It's still a heart - I just did it small.
It's an M for Mo! How's that a fucking heart? He couldn't do an M, he's a human being.
Yeah, Jimmy.
You're saying it's not exactly a heart, but like a heart.
And you're not giving me the M.
It's so like Christmas! OK.
This year saw Brenda from Bristol become an unexpected celebrity after her reaction to which story? Oh! Whoa! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Even my heart of stone is warmed by the children of Mitchell Brook Primary School who are performing one of their unconventional school plays here.
Bong! Bong! Bong! THEY SCREAM You can wear these.
Bong! Bong! Bong! It's too loud! Don't worry.
We can make it quiet.
- How dare you? - This can't be right.
THEY BOO Phew! Don't worry.
We are recording.
Bong! Bong! Bong! APPLAUSE I mean, they're adorable.
So which news story were they acting out there? OK.
Are you ready for answers? First up, I asked you what three things went wrong for Theresa May.
- What did you all get? - We know them.
Letter fell down.
Yeah? And then she coughs too much when she's talking about real stuff, yeah, and then someone gave her a P45.
Yeah, that's pretty much it.
What have you got, guys? - We got the chronology correct.
- JIMMY SIGHS I don't know if there are extra points for getting the chronology correct.
Maybe people don't care about time.
I got allowed the name Tinsel Sisters and he said, as long as he's in charge of chronology.
OK.
David, what have you got, then? What three things? Er, the prankster, brackets Simon Brodkin, - is the name of the prankster.
- Gave her the P45.
Yeah.
I haven't put a comma in - I can only apologise.
Cough - she had a cough, sore throat, kept sipping.
- And then the letters falling off.
- Correct.
Richard? Did you get this? I can't read Richard's writing.
It's like the doctor's handwriting.
Sign fell off, that's the top left.
Middle top - coughing fit.
General inhumanity, that's bottom middle.
And then declared war.
On her own haircut.
OK.
Well, take a look.
Ten years after Northern Rock COUGHS .
.
our economy is back on track.
And thepublic sector working together .
.
so why Why we will never Excuse me! Boris asked me to give you .
.
while our opponents flirt with a foreign policy of neutrality and prepare for a run on the ground.
.
.
an image of modern Britain in all its diversity, compassion and strength that was shared I think the answer is that we can't get anything the fuck right in this country any more.
The people in charge of the sign behind the Prime Minister while she makes her speech can't get the fucking letters to stay on the fucking wall.
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING So David, am I right that you're just ruling out poltergeists? I've looked into this.
They were not glued, they were on with magnets.
- Is that real? - They were magnetised letters.
Nowwhy were they magnetised letters? Why weren't they either glued there or painted there? No poltergeist in the world can make paint fall off! As that letter jumped off, you could hear it going, "I'm not listening to any more of this.
" Why the magnetised letters? Did they think they might want to change their slogan at the last minute? - Yes, they probably did! - That's probably what it was.
"We'll go with that for now.
"We might want to say Making Britain A Fucking Dump.
" It's difficult to know how that could have gone worse, really.
That's worse than my worst-ever gig.
At my worst-ever gig, someone showed me their arse.
- It was just going really badly - Yeah, sorry about that.
Was it you? You were there, actually! I showed you my arse.
OK, next question.
I asked you what term Kellyanne Conway, a Trump supporter, came up with to explain Sean Spicer's bullshit about the presidental inauguration numbers.
What did you think? David? Roisin? We put, "Much of the crowd were invisible.
" They were Raptured.
It came mid-Rapture.
Perhaps the magnets that were supposed to hold them there were faulty.
But then we put alternative facts, which we think is the actual answer.
Did you get this, Big Narstie, Katherine? Yeah.
We think that alternative facts have defined most of the year.
It's a very famous bullshit way of saying "lies".
And then "fuck Trump".
Oh, yeah, and then your man put "fuck Trump" as well.
OK.
Richard, Noel? Very difficult to say, again, what Richard's written.
This Sometimes it's easier to lie.
Which is the subtext.
We went with subtext.
It's new to quizzing.
Sometimes it's easier to lie, and different truths.
Both of which are the subtext.
So when we deepen the quiz and not just keep it on the surface .
.
and give some bonus points for subtext OK.
Point, point, no point.
Aww, come on.
That's Trump's inauguration.
And that was Obama's.
And he said, yep, Trump's was bigger.
So I asked you what unusual term Kim Jong-un used to insult President Donald Trump.
- Big Narstie knows it.
- Big Narstie, what was it? Told him to suck donkey dick.
OK.
David, Roisin, did you know this? - We did know this.
- Yeah.
- What was the word? A dotard.
- Richard, what was your answer here? - Oh, we put I thought he genuinely said this, that he's old and brittle.
He didn't, though, did he? - I'm going to have a satsuma to celebrate.
- He said he was old.
Er, well, no points, no points, you get a point.
- Dotard.
- We're getting no points? You know you're going to get a segment of satsuma thrown at you? That'd be good.
OK.
It has to be said, Jimmy Why don't you get a seat on this programme? Jimmy's like a shark.
If he sits down, he'll never get up again.
Yeah.
Famously, sharks, if they sit down, will not get up again.
That's why there are no sharks in Boyzone.
So yeah, so Kim Jong-un called him a dotard, which is a weak-minded old person.
Next, I asked you what Brenda from Bristol reacted to on the news.
What have you done there, Big Narstie? What's that? I'm being real.
I'm just happy to write with an electronic pen.
I'm just being real.
I gotta tell the truth.
But you haven't written words with it, have you? You've just done a scribble.
We think Brenda from Bristol was upset about the snap election.
Oh, I can see "election" somewhere underneath the scribble.
OK.
I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.
David, Roisin? We put "election", quite neatly.
- Richard, Noel.
- She expressed emotion.
She did, she expressed emotion.
It's true, but it's not the answer.
What was the emotion about, was the question.
It's about, they said there was another election and she went, "Ohh! Oy! OK, let's have a look at Brenda in action.
General election.
You're joking.
Not another one?! Oh, for God's sake.
I can't Honestly.
I can't stand this.
There's too much politics going on at the moment.
Why does she need to do it? That wasn't her real accent.
It's like Eurotrash when they put the voice on after.
SCREECHES: "Not another general election! "Bloody hell! We've had about three! "I'm going inside.
" OK.
Lastly for this round, you saw the children of Mitchell Brook Primary School acting out a news story from the year.
What do you think it was? Big clock, fucking loud.
OK.
What did you get, Big Narstie, Katherine? They are stopping a lot of bellends this year and Big Ben is no different.
They have silenced the bell until 2021.
Boo OK.
David, Roisin? Silencing of Big Ben.
Boo Because of the end of Britain.
Boo So at the end of that round, let's take a look at the scores.
David and Roisin have 7, Big Narstie and Katherine have 6, Richard and Noel are lucky to have 3.
Join us after the break for more of what Presidential spokesman Sean Spicer assures us is the most-watched TV show in all of history.
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Welcome back to the Big Fat Quiz, our next round is all about the music of 2017.
Let's remind ourselves, in July, Adele was forced to cancel the last two shows of her tour after damaging her vocal cords.
Adele was left unable to sing in tune.
Fine, I guess.
But it's never stopped Madonna.
After falling down the stairs it was revealed Simon Cowell suffered from low blood pressure.
I guess when you lack an actual heart to pump it round your body, what do you expect? Right, time for some more questions.
OK, music questions now.
For our first question it's over to Channel 4 news where the one and only Jon Snow is reporting on one of the biggest songs of the year.
Take it away, Jon.
Dramatic scenes in court today as the trial continues of a 28-year-old American woman accused of murder.
Taking the stand, the defendant refuted her ex-boyfriend's claims that the gun was hers, noting that he laughs when he lies, and suggesting that he had committed a perfect crime.
Testifying for the prosecution, the woman's ex gave a harrowing account of her erratic behaviour, including keeping a list of names on which his appeared in red, underlined, trusting nobody and claiming that she was unable to come to the phone because she was dead.
He also strongly denied any responsibility for the woman's felony, despite her repeated claims that he made her do it.
OK, so I need the artist and the song for you to get the point.
Oh, he's describing a song? How did you miss that?! What did you think he was talking about? It sounded like Making A Murderer.
I thought, "I've missed this, what's happening? "Someone's dead?" OK, I've got it anyway.
I think.
How did you get that? Cos I mean Dave's no help on this, it's a music round.
Unless it's about Phil Collins, No Jacket Required, he's out.
It's Phil Collins But Seriously.
Never bought No Jacket Required.
I didn't approve of the sentiment.
Having said that, I'm not wearing a jacket.
Which makes me a hypocrite.
For our next question, can you tell me what unlikely band received a bunch of flowers and a writing credit for their help with the previous song? Bung! Gandalf and the Professor, you got something? That's a better name.
We should have had that.
OK, so, next up it's over to - Kurupt FM who have a question.
- Oh, shit! Gs! - ALL: Yes, Jimmy.
- My bit We play nothing but garage on Kurupt FM but if we have to venture into the world of popular music then guess what, Jay-Z is our man.
And this year, he and Beyonce had twins.
And announced the babies' names on Instagram.
Can your teams remember what they called them? - ALL: Can you?! - You decide.
- Fink about it.
Over to you back in the studio, Jim, mate.
- Keep it Kurupt.
- Respect.
So the question was, "Can we remember their names?" So for me, the answer, "No," would be correct.
Big Narstie.
Are you crying? - No, I'm hungry is all.
- OK.
You're crying cos you're hungry? I get emotional when I'm hungry.
We've been here about 20 minutes, what are you.
.
? I wish I could cry when I was hungry.
Cos I really think it would stop restaurants serving slowly.
OK, next question, for the music video for the hit song Despacito, became the most watched YouTube video ever with 4.
4 billion views.
Can you tell me whatthe word "despacito" means in English? Again, the correct answer from me would be, "No, I cannot.
" - Hola amigo, soy Big Narstie, por favor.
- Ah You realise that made as much sense to David who doesn't speak Spanish as everything else you've said? And finally for the music round, all I want to know is, how did DJ Tim Westwood embarrass himself on Snapchat in June? Oh, this is awful.
If you could laugh a little bit less like Jabba The Hut, that'd be That'd be amazing for everyone.
OK, right, let's get to the answers.
- You all got something? - KATHERINE: Yeah.
- Rosh? - All good in the hood.
Go on, Rosh.
You get on, girl.
Knuckle him.
- Uh.
- I've only got little hands.
OK.
Let's go to some answers.
OK.
So, I asked you what song Jon Snow was reporting on.
- Big Narstie, Katherine? - Well, we just went you know, "She's dead.
" Uh and that is in reference to Taylor Swift, Look What You Made Me Do.
BOW! What did, what did you put? RICHARD: Careless Whisper.
What did you put, David, Roisin? - First of all, we've got Taylor Swift.
- Yep.
- So we've got that.
That's the name of the song.
We just, we weren't sure, Sorry I Killed That Man.
OK, so, Big Narstie, Katherine, you get a point, the other two, you don't get a point.
All right, shall we take a look? Let's take a look.
# But I got smarter # I got harder in the nick of time # Honey, I rose up from the dead # I do it all the time # I've got a list of names and yours is in red, underlined # I check it once, then I check it twice, oh! # Ooh, look what you made me do # Look what you made me do # Look what you just made me do # Look what you just made me do # Ooh, look what you made me do # Look what you made me do # Look what you just made me do, look what you just made me do I don't like your CHEERING That was some serial skanking.
That was amazing.
He's coming raving.
100%.
OK, I asked you, secondly, who did Taylor Swift give a writing - credit to? - We know.
What did you think, Roisin? Kanye West, thank you very much.
- No.
- No.
- What? Do you mean to tell me the answer is, "Not Kanye West"? I feel like such a fool.
You said Kanye West.
So wrong.
Er, Big Narstie, Katherine? This is it, yeah.
- It's Right Said Fred.
- Yes.
Oh, yeah And I'm Too Sexy For My Top.
Yeah, but you know Right Said Fred doesn't preset The Crystal Maze, right? He does, he's the bald head white guy.
There are more than two bald white people.
There are three.
It's Right Said Fred, the guy who did The Crystal Maze and William Hague is the third one you have to look out for.
OK, and Richard, did you get this? We said, "Right Said Crystal Maze.
" There's Crystal Maze guy.
The guy on the left.
Me! I'm the guy! You're in the middle.
No, he's the IT man.
Is that you in the middle, Richard? - I am not the IT man.
- You're Peep Man.
- You're Peep Show.
- He's the I man.
He's the Peep Man.
- You're the IT man? - I'm the IT man as well.
We're the IT men.
No, you was in that old school programme, the ginger guy.
- He was a heavy bit, he lived in the university.
- Who do you think I am? - Rik Mayall?! - No, you're the guy in the green jumper who goes NEIL FROM THE YOUNG ONES IMPRESSION - What, Nigel Planer?! - Yeah.
He's about 90.
So what do you do then? I'm in the IT fucking show.
- With him.
- Mo Farah sign! That's not a Mo Farah sign.
- It's a M, look - It's not! If you look at where my knuckles are Famously, THAT is the Mo Farah sign.
Can we not get into this now, please? There's loads of things that aren't.
That isn't either.
Oh, look, it's two of them.
Is that any better? - That's almost an M.
- That's the Jimmy Carr sign.
For fuck's sake.
That's the Jimmy Carr sign JIMMY CARR SIGN! If you see Jimmy in the street, give him the love.
APPLAUSE - Go on, y'all.
- Give it a share, please.
He's got rickets.
Is that how you get rickets, from standing up too long? I don't know.
It's a lack of Vitamin C which isn't going to happen to you cos you've been eating fruit every two minutes.
No, I can't let that stand, it's not a lack of Vitamin C, it's a lack of calcium or Vitamin D.
OK.
LAUGHTER People out there with rickets drinking orange juice, they're wasting their time.
Wait till they get scurvy, then have the orange juice.
Don't wait till you've got it to have an orange juice.
- No, that's probably too late.
- It's too late.
OK, OK, enough with the scurvy and rickets chat.
- It is 2017.
- Why, these are things they need to know in the future of Brexit Britain! - It is right.
- It's all going to be vitamin deficiency and death.
Where else are they going to hear it, Jimmy? This is the last Christmas with turkey.
Next year it's rat meat.
People will be, you know, breaking into the zoos.
Eating the zebras.
No Vitamin D in a zebra.
It's interesting, I wonder if you'd get, "White or dark meat?" APPLAUSE I asked you, well, Kurupt FM asked you, what Beyonce and Jay-Z named their twins.
They asked if we KNEW what they named their twins and my answer remains, "No.
" So I put that down, "No, brackets, D.
" For David.
- For the Tinsel Sisters.
- Yep.
- And then I know the names as well.
- It's Rumi Er - NOEL: Ruby.
- RuMI.
- No Roomy, what, like a hatchback? Is that the name of the twins? - Rumi and Sir Carter.
- What are you saying, Katherine? BIG NARSTIE DRUMROLLS ON THE DESK Katherine definitely knows.
Sir Carter is right.
But then I think the other baby is called REMY.
But I can tell you one thing, Katherine, and this is going to eat you up inside, you pride yourself on knowing this shit, you don't.
Roisin, David, you got that right.
It was Rumi and Sir Carter, not whatever you put.
- Richard, Noel, I presume - I put One and Two and Richard put - I put Jedward.
- Jedward, he put.
- OK, so, a point, no point, no point.
OK.
- This is brutal.
After becoming the most watched YouTube video this year, I asked you what Despacito actually means in English.
- What did you all put? - Boom Boom Times.
- Boom Boom Times? - I put "car battery.
" - I think, "despacito," car battery - Or Boom Boom Times.
- It's one of the two.
- One of the two.
OK, I can tell you, it is neither of the two.
OK, Katherine, Big Narstie? Give him the Spanish, Big Narstie.
Hola amigo, soy Big Narstie, por favor.
Despaco means "slowly".
- Woo woo! - Why, why would you say that in Spanish if I wanted the English? The English version of it is "Slowly.
" So, so sorry Not a Mo Farah sign! If you were ever in a sitcom, I think that would be your catchphrase.
David, Roisin, what did you put? We have put it might be "calmly" and then but, the spelling, "at the "speed you might despot.
" Roisin was trying to write there was, "At the speed you might "deposit something.
" Despocito.
Quite often, when learning a foreign language, you just sort of guess what it vaguely sounds like.
Good point well made, that's the wrong answer.
It means "slowly".
- You get the point.
- Gracias, amigo, my bien.
- Shall we have a little listen? - Oh, please.
Despacito, let's have a listen.
MUSIC STARTS, ABRUPTLY STOPS That's enough.
I asked you, did you know how Tim Westwood embarrassed himself on Snapchat.
Richard, Noel, what did you put? We just put, "He admitted he had it," cos - Snapchat.
- .
.
a man of his age - .
.
shouldn't have Snapchat.
Having Snapchat That almost deserves a point, I think a very good point well made.
Can we have a point cos we haven't had one for about fucking nine years.
David, Roisin? We didn't hear the question so we just responded to the picture and wrote, "Leonard Nimoy's son.
" We do know the answer.
Katherine, Big Narstie, what was the answer? What did he do, Katherine? Tim Westwood DM-d a lady.
NOEL: Did what? Did what? Direct Message but it was public and he wrote like, "I'm going to "take you on a date and pay for you to get a new clutch and hair and "some heels," like just some really weird, off piste accessories.
So gross.
"You may want to get your nails and you may want to get a wax.
" Oh, yeah, yeah! And he would pay for it and he went, "Don't go buying a house or a "car or something.
" Oh, when he shared his bank card with it as well.
"I appreciate you may want to wax," that was It was difficult to read, it's difficult to remember now.
So cringe.
Did he send her his card details so she could Smarten up in advance of meeting him? So he sent this picture, which is his credit card.
With all the details and then he sent a message saying She should have bought a car and got it waxed.
Thank you, yeah.
APPLAUSE OK, so at the end of that round the scores are Richard and Noel have four points.
David and Roisin have eight.
Big Narstie and Katherine have ten points, in the lead.
We've got to take a quick break now so you've got a choice.
You can either come back and join us after or you can play Pictionary with your family.
Yeah, thought so.
See you in a minute.
CHEERING Welcome back to The Big Fat Quiz.
Our next round is all about film and TV in 2017.
In July, the BBC announced they'd cast Jodie Whittaker as the first ever female Doctor Who.
Some fans couldn't get on board with a female Doctor Who.
Presumably thinking, "Daleks - sure, Cybermen - of course, "Weeping Angels - all makes sense, but a female Doctor? "It's just not believable!" LAUGHTER Despite its controversial move to Channel 4, Bake Off remains a fan favourite.
It's got great hosts, brilliant contestants and the icing on the cake is literally the sugary stuff they've got on the top of the cakes.
OK.
First up, let's remind ourselves of some of this year's TV highlights.
On your marks, get set, bake! Ooh! Boy jobs and girl jobs, you see.
Aaah! Why do they leap? SCREAMS Only interested in one thing here and one thing only, and that's bent coppers.
You look like a tentative Nazi.
Sorry - what's Glow? Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling.
Stop it! I just found my favourite show - My Children Are Schizophrenic.
It is great TV.
Wow! CHEERING Great telly.
APPLAUSE Here's some film and TV questions for you.
OK.
You eating a biscuit? - Biscuit? - No! You're probably going to be saying I'm eating a biscuit next.
LAUGHTER - There'd better not be CCTV footage of this.
- We haven't got any snacks! - We've got raisins, if you want.
- Thank you! Anyone want raisins? LAUGHTER I'll have that one.
OVERLAPPING TALK OK.
First up.
I want to know why did a BBC News interview with Professor Robert Kelly became an internet sensation in March? THEY CONFER Oh.
Oh, oh, oh.
Oh, erm OK? Have a look at these three famous faces.
We've got Meryl Streep, The Rock and Matt Damon.
What has flabbergasted all of them? Why do they look so surprised? - What's going on there? - ROISIN: La La Land.
Next up, it's star of Brawl In Cell Block 99, Vince Vaughn.
Hi, Jimmy.
After a hard day's filming I love nothing more than to kick back and watch a cookery show, but like many viewers on Twitter, I was very surprised by Mary Berry's bolognese recipe on her new show, Mary Berry Every Day.
What ingredients did she add to this classic sauce? OK, so Vince wants to know what Mary Berry added to her bolognese sauce that shocked viewers.
OK? You all got something? All right? In October, reality show Love Island won Best TV Show at the Radio 1 Teen Awards, but what happened at the ceremony that eclipsed Love Island's win? - KATHERINE: Oh, it was so good! - What is this image you're showing? - That I think that's the - This is a foam party.
No I think that's the Crystal Maze crew party.
Were you not at it? - I was barely at the filming.
- What is that, Jimmy? - That's Love Island.
Yeah, that's the show Love Island.
Love Island is just an elaborate study about the effectiveness of the morning after pill.
LAUGHTER - They won a competition for the best television programme? - Yes.
Against the other television programmes? Like, you know, Blue Planet and Fawlty Towers Dallas - They won the best realityreality show.
- Ah, right.
Best shit programme? Fair enough.
Jimmy, you've lost control of the quiz.
LAUGHTER Thank you, wizard podium! OK.
Take a look at these two clowns, who appeared on This Morning in September.
All I want to know is, why are those clowns upset? - Jimmy? - Yeah.
- Just for consideration - Yeah.
.
.
would you ever do the show with an owl, like, on your shoulder? Wo With an owl? - Like if there was an owl there? - You haven't really considered it.
I met the owl, the Harry Potter owl.
Her name is Olympia and she is an absolute legend.
Really well-trained.
I bet we could get her.
I bet we could hook it up with my owl connections from working at Hooters and then we can get Olympia.
And you know what she eats? Frozen mice.
- When they eat the mice, are they still frozen? - No.
Be very refreshing on a hot day.
- All right.
You ready for answers? - Yes.
- I've got answers.
OK.
I asked you why a BBC News interview with South Korean expert Professor Robert Kelly went viral back in March.
What did you think? Roisin, David.
We said, "His kids come in the room.
" OK.
All right, what about Richard, Noel? He's a terminator.
- You think he was a terminator? - We The professor and expert on South Korea, you think he's a terminator.
Do you know he's not a terminator? OK.
Katherine, what's your answer to this? Richard Kelly's kids ran in and his wife chased them and it wrecked the interview, or did it, - or was it the most fabulous North Korean interview - I think it made an interview about South Korea - a little more punchy.
- South Korea.
- Let's have a look.
The question is how democracies respond to those scandals.
And what will it mean for the wider region? I think one of your children's just walked in.
I mean, shifting-shifting sands in the region.
Do you think relations with the north may change? I would be surprised if they do.
The, um Pardon me.
Pardon me.
LAUGHTER My apologies.
Northum Sorry.
Um North Korea LAUGHTER DROWNS OUT SPEECH It's so good.
It's so good.
I mean, do you know what I love about that? It just keeps on giving.
The first kid walking in like that, it's alreadythat's enough to go viral, the second kid that can't even walk and walks in, that's remarkable, just "Whoa, I'm on a weird floating device!" And then the mum coming in, my favourite bit is at the end where she goes, "I'd better "crouch down to get the door, I don't think anyone's noticed.
" It really is the perfect video, the best thing I've ever seen.
OK, so points, points and because he doesn't melt into molten metal - and then come back, not a terminator.
- Five points.
- Five points? - No points, wizard.
- Ten points! - OK.
I showed you three shocked celebrity faces.
What I want to know is, what caused their reactions? What did you put? We put, "They gave the Oscar to the wrong film and then didn't.
" What have you got? They were constipated at the Oscars when they found out that they got given the wrong award, La La Land.
ROISIN: Is that Meryl Streep? She's in all of those photos, getting smaller and smaller.
- She is.
- Oh, yeah! JIMMY LAUGHS OK, what did you put? Richard, Noel? Oh, is it because We put they found out they were in the new title sequence for Dallas.
So points, points, no points.
Next, Vince Vaughn wanted to know what Mary Berry had added to her bolognese sauce.
Human shit.
LAUGHTER Sorry - that's your - Human shit is your joke answer, your genuine answer is? - Viagra.
- No.
- No, that's not true - you also did write down "human shit.
" - Yeah.
Viagra, human shit.
Up to you.
Oh, that's Jay-Z's kids - Viagra and Human Shit.
JIMMY LAUGHS - Big Narstie, Katherine? - This is Big Narstie's favourite show.
He watches it, he knows the answer.
So she put some cream and wine in there, too.
What have you put, Roisin? We put down cream, so we got it right, and Dolmio.
Well, cream and wine is the correct answer, so I'm going to give the points to Big Narstie and Katherine.
- Whoo! - Whoo! I think she's more of a cake expert.
That might be the thing.
She's tried to make bolognese more like a cake.
She probably pokes it and goes, "The consistency of that sponge is terrible"! I mean, I love a cake, but you can't turn spaghetti bolognese into a cake.
You could, you could do the sauce, then a layer of the pasta, then a layer of the sauce, then a layer of the pasta, then a layer of the sauce Have you just designed lasagne?! Have you just invented lasagne? I asked you what happened at the Radio 1 Teen Awards that eclipsed Love Island's win.
What did you all think? The Sun gave everyone a blow job.
LAUGHTER It's like a coupon - you cut it out and take it to your newsagent.
And the guy goes, "Fair enough!" LAUGHTER JIMMY LAUGHS LOUDLY - Big Narstie, Katherine, what did you get? - Oh, it was incredible.
So, Love Island won Best Reality TV Show and they'd created this mechanism where the winners came from under the stage on this hydraulic machine.
Like a trap door, yeah.
And as it was bringing them up, Gemma Collins, presenting the award, didn't know, so she stood there, just like, "And the winner is Love Island.
" And then the hole opened, and she just went like, "Maaaarrr!" LAUGHTER - Oh! - OK.
David, Roisin, you got this as well? - Yes, we've got this.
- Let's have a look at this lovely moment.
Love Island! CHEERING LAUGHTER Oh! Did she ever get out of the hole? OK.
I asked you why two clowns were so upset on This Morning.
What did you put? - It was when he broke down on TV, innit? Like that horror film.
- It.
- Yeah.
- That's the right answer.
- Was it? - Yeah, it was not Well, it was sort of slightly Bam, give me the thing, what's going on with you, bruv? You are sweet, you're lovely, Jimmy! Boo! Mo Farah sign.
Can't believe he's got a catchphrase.
He's been on telly two minutes.
OK, all right, so what did you put? Roisin, David? We said, "Because it is making clowns seem creepy "except they were always creepy.
" I mean, that's correct.
Big Narstie and Katherine And by the way, It, I read it out wrong, I meant the film It.
I should have put some inverted commas.
Richard, Noel? Umself-pity.
And also that they lost money on poor investments.
I want to take a look.
Let's take a look.
What do you think ofbecause it was the original, I think it was 1986, the book, that is usually cited as the start of people's fear of clowns.
Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, that's right, yeah.
- Slightly scared now! Certainly in the mid-'80s, the term, when the coulrophobia or the fear of masks turned up was in the mid-'80s, so whether the two are linked together Tell me about this particular clown.
- It's not a clown.
- It's not a clown.
- Pennywise - It's not a clown.
LAUGHTER They're the least funny clowns I've ever seen.
They are like anti-comedy! Jesus Christ! How dare you? I'm anti-comedy.
In fairness, they say that this clown is a little bit-little bit scary, Pennywise.
NOEL: He's all right.
OK, points, points, no points.
Now it's time for a special bonus round.
I'm going to show you three film posters from this year which have all been subtly improved.
All you have to do is tell me what the film is.
Here is the first one.
Write down your answer.
Point for each.
All right, second one.
Let's have a look.
How dare you? Right, next one.
Oh! That's how I see myself.
OK, all right, so let's have a look and see what you put.
First one? "Yellow Lady.
" I remember that.
It was quite a big hit, wasn't it, Yellow Lady? What was another name for it? What was it called? Katherine? That's Beauty And The Beast.
OK, and Richard and Noel, you got that as well.
Let's have a look.
If anything, better with me, but fine, OK.
NOEL: No difference.
Next one, what have you got, Big Narstie? I've got Carr-La Land.
- Carr-La Land? - Yeah, La-La Land.
- Excellent bit of punning.
Richard, Noel? La La Land.
David, Roisin? La La Land featuring Yellow Lady.
It's the sequel to Yellow Lady cos the character of Yellow Lady really took off so they thought, "Got to find something else for her.
" All right, and the third one? OK, so you put Incredible Hulk And The Roman.
Would have been a better title for it, OK.
What did you put? - Carrvengers.
- You got The Avengers? - Carr-vengers.
- Which didn't come out this year.
And Richard, Noel? We put The Avengers, but now, looking at it, it's bloody Thor: Ragnarok and I feel like a berk.
Thor: Ragnarok is the right answer, but you didn't get it.
At the end of that round, the scores are, David and Roisin have 13, Big Narstie and Katherine have 17, Richard and Noel, lucky to have 6.
APPLAUSE Now it's time to focus on the true meaning of Christmas consumerism.
We'll be back right after these ads.
Welcome back to the Big Fat Quiz.
Our next round is all about the Internet in 2017.
Where would we be without the Internet? Well, we will find out next year when Russian cyber terrorists freeze our accounts.
LAUGHTER In February, Disney cut ties with the world's highest-paid YouTube star, PewDiePie.
I love PewDiePie.
He is my go-to guy whenever I want to watch someone I've never heard of talk about something I don't care about.
LAUGHTER OK, ready for some more Big Fat questions? These are all about the Internet this year.
First one.
Can you remember why an evening at home for the Fleming family in Co Kerry, Ireland, went viral back in September? Jimmy, help us.
Look at us, we've got nothing, we've got six points.
We've got so few points.
We are behind the audience right now.
They filmed the thing and it went viral.
That's everything on YouTube.
Let's just write that.
"They filmed the thing and it went viral.
" Nadiya Hussain has a question for you.
Nadiya? Hi, Jimmy.
Like everyone, I love sharing pictures of food on social media.
But this year, 16-year-old Carter Wilkerson set a world record when in April, he tweeted about his favourite food, becoming the most retweeted message ever.
Can you remember what it was about? So, most retweeted message ever, what was it about? OK.
During the General Election campaign, Conservative MP for East Yorkshire, Greg Knight, became an unexpected Internet hit.
He posted a campaign video that went viral.
Can you remember why that campaign video was so remarkable? - Who is it, Greg Knight? - It's Greg Knight.
We've got a picture of him there.
I'm pretty sure that's him, not a waxwork of him.
He looks like Peep Show without a beard.
I'm going to have to defend my tinsel sister here.
I'm struggling to take that as a compliment.
LAUGHTER Mo Farah sign.
Thank you.
Jimmy.
Bong.
I forget what that is even meant to be.
Go on, Jim.
You know you want to.
Put it up there, Jim.
Bong.
Let's only answer in Bong.
No! Enough! More questions! Do you think, though, because Big Ben says Bong, right? When they bring it back, should they get it to say Ben? LAUGHTER - Ben - Ben - Ben - Ben.
It just sounds like you've lost an animal you no longer care about.
- Ben - Bong.
- Ben - Bong.
Probably dead now.
Ben.
It's been two weeks.
Ben.
Poncho, tell him he's lost control of the show! You've lost control of the quiz! Bong! - Did you just call Noel "Poncho"? - Poncho.
- He responded.
I responded.
I'm sorry, I don't know names.
I just keep it short.
Donald Trump's presidency got off to a rocky start this year and he continued to put in the hours on Twitter.
Can you complete this tweet he sent on 31st May? "Despite the constant negative press" - Covfefe.
- Complete the tweet.
Couldn't be easier.
OK.
Finally for this round, why did this picture of the then two-year-old Isla Walton, from Exeter, take the Internet by storm back in March? Oh! That is That's Ed Sheeran! If you write that down you might get a fucking point.
Put Ed Sheeran.
I've been on Buzzcocks with him.
It's definitely him.
LAUGHTER OK, everyone finished? You all got something? Let's have some answers.
So I asked you why the Fleming family from Co Kerry went viral, what did you think? They filmed the thing and it went viral.
They did what, sorry? They filmed the thing and it went viral, in brackets, Jimmy said, must be right.
Big Narstie, Katherine? OK, so the answer is, I've put up Cork, because my family is from Cork.
- So Cork is an important part of my answer.
- OK.
And because of my Irish roots I know that it was a bad attack.
OK, what did you put, David, Roisin? Never mind how bad it was, what attacked them? - A bad bat.
- A bad bat.
It was a bat, one of his relatives.
- Bong! - Bong! - Bong! - Bong! Mo Farah sign.
Mo Farah sign! APPLAUSE We're here to stake our man.
Come on, Jimmy, sit down.
LAUGHTER Erwhat did you get, David? They were trying to catch a bat and crucially, it was videoed.
LAUGHTER There may be far more hilarious bat-catching antics that are lost to posterity.
Let's treat ourselves to a little look at this family trying to catch a bat.
Catch him! Catch him, Derry! Derry, catch him! There's a bat! Look at the bat! "Do you have a hat in the house?" Ma, will you get out? Derry, will you catch him? Catch him, Derry! A bigger towel! Get him! Oh, fuck it! You're doing a great job, Derry! Stand up, Derry! Oh! Did you get him? No, he's there, he's making a mockery of you, boy.
Take off The dog's pissing! Get the dog out, he's peeing! Oh, fuck it! Oh! Oh! He's in there! LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE OK, so Nadiya Hussain wanted to know what Carter Wilkerson tweeted to become the most retweeted message ever.
What have you got? Feed him green, keep him keen.
- No.
- But my associate disagrees.
Above that, you've written Nuggets, bruv.
Yeah.
- OK.
- He put nuggets, brackets, of edible matter.
Good.
OK, and? I can't remember what the question is, but I put a moose anus.
LAUGHTER Which, you know, in some ways could be a nugget.
LAUGHTER I can tell you, he asked fast food chain Wendy's for a year's supply of chicken nuggets in exchange for 18 million retweets.
And there he is, he couldn't be happier.
And that's Beyonce'sone of the twins? LAUGHTER OK, I asked you why Tory MP Greg Knight became a hit during the general election.
Why did Greg Knight become such a hit during the election? Because he had a song that lasted three weeks.
OK.
What did you put, Big Narstie? We thought about things that went viral, and we didn't know so we thought maybe he got a cat involved or he did a dance.
OK.
Richard, Noel? We put, "He buried an abstract concept.
" LAUGHTER I can tell you you got it absolutely right with the shit song.
Shall we treat ourselves? I mean, it is quite extraordinary.
OK.
Hello.
My name's Greg Knight.
I'm the Conservative candidate for East Yorkshire.
There is a general election on the eighth of June, and I hope if you live in East Yorkshire, that you'll vote for me.
# You'll get accountability # With Conservative delivery # Make sure this time you get it right Vote for Greg Knight.
I like the beat, though.
It's the old-school, like Miami Vice things.
You like the beat.
We got the lyrics.
Do you want to try and give it vibes? Because I think there is a lack of vibes on there, let's have that again.
Let's do it.
Run the rhythm.
DJ, hit me.
Now! # You'll get accountability # Conservative delivery # Make sure this time you get it right # Vote for Greg Knight Forcos you're totally shite.
APPLAUSE Nice.
I can see how you might listen to that and go, "you're totally shite" ending to the song, not quite what he was looking for.
LAUGHTER He won, as well.
Who was running against him? Looking at that video, the level of party funding in this country hasn't quite reached American levels, has it? My favourite bit is that someone decided he should start outside the room.
You saw, he went, "No, get me walking in.
"I've been out and about.
" Also I liked that they said, "During the song, "it's probably best not to focus on your face.
" LAUGHTER There's posters stuck up with Sellotape on the outside, like you've never stuck up a poster on a wall before.
It would have been better if at the beginning he had emerged from a cupboard.
There's mystery there.
A sort of narrative, "Why was he in the cupboard?" OK, I asked you to complete the tweet from Donald Trump, "Despite the constant negative press" What did you put? I still put my penis up my bum.
LAUGHTER What did you put, Big Narstie? I blocked him on Twitter, I told him to suck his mum, so LAUGHTER That's probably what set him off.
You blocked HIM? I love that.
"Can you just stop hounding me, Donald?" What have you written there, Katherine? We guessed, "Despite the constant negative press, "my followers are dumb and disenfranchised enough to trust me.
" We thought maybe he got with it.
You thought he got one true tweet during the year? Cos they do.
It doesn't matter what he tweets, they will always love him.
What have you put? We put, it was a gibberish word.
But we weren't sure how to spell it, so we've had a few goes.
Covfefe.
Which, because it has no meaning, probably is the only thing that isn't a lie.
Covfefe.
Yeah, it was, "Despite the constant negative press covfefe.
" Jimmy, we put that bottom left.
We got it right.
Covfefe.
- Covfefe.
- Where have you got that? - We did.
Bottom left.
- Where is that? Come off it, look at the state of that screen.
- Oh, yeah - To the far left of penis.
The title of my autobiography.
We put covfefe.
Points, points, no points.
Lastly, I asked you, why did Isla Walton take the Internet by storm? What did you put? You all got this.
Because she's Ed Sheeran.
LAUGHTER She looks like Ed Sheeran.
Let's have a look, side-by-side.
It's so cute.
I'm sure she's going to be a very pretty young girl, but she looked amazingly like Ed Sheeran in that.
It's now time to welcome a special guest, it's Liam Charles from The Great British Bake Off! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Good evening, sir.
I know, you should blow a kiss.
AUDIENCE: Aw! I'll take the tray off.
Classic mulled wine and pies.
Mince pies and mulled wine.
I mean, we're not messing around, this is Christmas.
Yay! My daughter cried when you left - and then we couldn't watch it any more.
- Seriously? Yeah! I don't eatminceno.
LAUGHTER Who thought that Liam should have won? CHEERING - Thank you, my love.
Do you want some wine, David? - Yes, please.
- Mince pies? - No, thanks, lovely, thank you very much.
- I'll have a mince pie, thanks.
Actually I will have a mince pie, I've changed my mind.
LAUGHTER Leave the tray with them there, that will be fine.
- Thank you so much for coming on the show.
- Thank you! Tell usobviously you did brilliantly on Bake Off.
- Thank you.
- You're still at university, right? - Yeah, third year.
- Third year at university and on Bake Off, what did everyone at university make of it? Everyone was really positive about the whole thing.
It was a bit weird going back the first day.
Because there were so many people double-taking all the time.
I was like, "Yeah, it IS me.
" LAUGHTER "You know, I'm a pretty big deal.
" LAUGHTER Noel, what was your favourite cake? Liam did quite a lot of flavours that I like, he did lots of caramel flavours, lots of butterscotch, lots of banana, so I always liked his stuff.
Liam made a cool pie that had mango in it and all kinds of good things.
- That's curry goat.
- Curry goat.
- It's good.
- You do a curry goat! - I made curry goat Whoa! Try to remember.
Curry goat cake? No, it was like a hand-raised pie.
And he left the hooves in.
And the horns and all sorts.
Come on, bad man Jimmy doesn't know what's happening, he's gluten-free.
I don't think there's any gluten in a goat.
LAUGHTER OK, you've got a question for us, Liam, what's your question? - I do have a question.
- It's in your bag? So, which craze of the year was banned from schools in 2017? - Which what? Craze? - Craze.
- Craze.
- Yep.
I think I know.
You think you know? OK, so a craze that was banned from schools.
David, did you ever wonder? Don't call him David, call him Peep Show.
What? Did you ever think that undoing the second button from the top would be a little bit racy? Absolutely.
This is respectability, sex appeal.
LAUGHTER OK, so have you all got answers? I think I know, because my daughter goes to school and her teacher, Jack, banned dabbing, because it, like, bothered him or something.
- Banned what? - Dabbing.
Like this.
I thought dabbing was sort of, like, dab something.
Not like that, that's not dabbing.
Can you do some dabbing? - That's it.
- Richard and Noel, what have you got? - Fidget spinners.
- Oh! OK, David and Roisin, you've got? We've put fidget spinners.
Well, tell them.
- It's actually fidget spinners.
- Yay! And he's brought you fidget spinners.
NOEL: Hey! Nicest man in the world.
Liam Charles, everyone.
Nicest man in the world.
- Have you used these before? - Yeah.
Spin, wada-wada-wada-wada, spin! Now, this is the rest of the show, isn't it? - Oh, oh.
- Look, look.
- Are you good? My nephew's a pro.
He does this thing like, "Uncle, uncle, "look what I can do.
" He puts it on his head and he spins it.
DAVID: Let go with one finger.
ROISIN: All right, OK.
DAVID: I mean, why bother? APPLAUSE Come on, Jimmy! Ah, it really gets you in the eye, though.
LAUGHTER OK, let's take a look and see what that's done to the scores.
So, Richard and Noel have nine points.
Nine points? David and Roisin have 19.
Big Narstie and Katherine are one ahead with 20.
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING We'll take a break to play with our fidget spinners, but, ladies and gentlemen, one more time, Liam Charles! Seriously, well done.
Welcome back to The Big Fat Quiz.
This next round is all about the sport of 2017.
Who can forget the sporting events of this year? Is exactly what we're about to find out.
Usain Bolt retired in 2017.
He's won eight Olympic gold medals and 11 World Championship golds.
But he ended his career in August with a bronze.
Like a loser.
OK, time for some more big fat questions all about sport this year.
OK, in March, Madeira airport was renamed in honour of Cristiano Ronaldo.
But what aspect of the renaming ceremony caught everyone's attention, with some describing it as a monstrosity? Renamed Aeroporto Cristiano Ronaldo, which is a great name for an airport.
OK? MMA fighter Conor McGregor's boxing match against Floyd Mayweather took place in Vegas.
Why did McGregor's choice of outfit raise eyebrows at the pre-fight press conference? - Oh, I know.
- We know.
OK, next one.
Over to Clare balding.
Hi, Jimmy.
An athlete's diet is very important, but it's quite unusual to take a snack break mid-competition.
But in February this year, a quick bite resulted in a footballer from Sutton United receiving a ?375 fine and a two-month ban from the FA.
Can your teams tell me what happened? So, why was that football player fined and banned? - Have I to answer it now? - No, write it down.
- Oh.
How can you not have got the hang of this by now? You haven't said the tinsel sisters for a while.
You are the tinsel sisters.
It's implied you are the tinsel sisters.
Team Pain and Cakes In A Baize.
- Aren't we Sharks With No Knees, or something? - No.
- You're not Sharks With No Knees.
- Jimmy, do you want a team name? - Yeah, I'd love a team name.
- What do you want to call yourself? No Seat Jimmy.
OK, everyone, let's get on with the quiz.
In November of this year, Grand Slam Queen Serena Williams got married.
Congratulations to her.
She wore an Alexander McQueen gown and looked fabulous, but what was unusual about her shoes? Yeah, but what's your team name? I'm finding it hard to commit with you cos we're all teams and you're just Jimmy.
That's not the reason you're finding it hard to connect.
Maybe the Puppet From Goosebumps.
It should sound a bit more plural rather than just an attack on yourself.
Yeah, leave that to us Jimmy.
How about you can be like the patriarchy? - How dare you?! - No, but that's a collective.
No, men talking, please.
Patriarchy! OK.
This year, Olympic winner Michael Phelps lost a high-profile race.
Do you remember who his unusual opponent was? - Who was it? - OK.
Are you ready for some answers? - I was born ready.
OK, first I asked what caught everyone's attention at the renaming of Madeira airport? What did you all have? They made a statue of Ronaldo's head, but it wasn't Ronaldo's head, it was Greg Davies' head.
OK, and what did you put, Big Narstie, Katherine? You said it was monstrous and I didn't I don't know who that is and I guessed maybe one of his balls has filled with fluid.
- Not even the wrong, I'm going to say no.
- You don't know - No.
.
.
that one of his balls was not filled with fluid.
I know a lot about his balls, they're perfect, I'm sure.
There's definitely fluid within one of the balls, it's just a question of volume.
I have never seen a ball that - OK, Richard, Noel, what did you get? - Statue, in brackets, gold.
OK, let's take a look.
You're absolutely right.
They did make a statue of Cristiano Ronaldo and it did look a bit like Greg Davies.
The funny thing about that is, presumably the day before the presentation, the sculptor was going, "What do you think?" And someone must have gone, "Yeah, it's good.
"That's fine, it looks like him.
" I think the mistake with that bust is making it of him smiling.
You don't usually do statues of people doing a big grin.
I think that's probably why.
When you go to Trafalgar Square, all those generals, they're not going They probably, with a statue, go for the solemn-faced look.
Yeah, I've never seen teeth, normally you don't see their teeth.
Winston Churchill in Parliament Square, he's not going I asked you what was unusual about Conor McGregor's outfit.
What did you think? Oh, Richard and Noel might have got one.
Yes, thank you for that passive-aggressive comment.
Yeah, we didn't stipulate the actual offence, but it contains a swear.
OK, it contains a swear will do.
Big Narstie? Yeah, it had FU all down the sides and that.
And also it was super-tiny.
- David, Roisin, did you get this? - Yes.
- Yes.
Let's have a look.
You're absolutely right.
He wore a suit with a swear.
- With "fuck you" on it.
- Sewed into it - That's really cool.
And I've seen a lot of tailors who do that.
What would you have your tailor emblazon in there if you could choose a saying? Every one would say "tax deductible".
OK, Clare Balding said why did a Sutton United footballer receive a two-month ban and a ?375 fine? What did you get? - A man What's he called? - The man in the thing that you were saying.
All of that stuff.
The man in the thing that I was saying, yes, so far so good.
OK, he ate pie.
And put a bet on when he was going to eat whether he would eat I've had so much fucking sugar! He had He - David, finish.
- Yes.
The guy in the football match ate a pie, having previously put a bet on that he'd eat a pie and then won the bet because he did eat the pie.
But that was against the rules, so he got fined.
Football fans are obsessed with who's eaten the pie - and nobody knows.
- He resigned as thegoalie, was he? - He was the goalie.
- You need to eat a pie if you're the goalie.
Can I just say, the worst delivered right answer we've ever had.
It's entirely right though.
What did you get, Big Narstie, Katherine? We knew it.
He broke the rules, didn't he, by eating the pie? OK, Richard, Noel? - Yeah.
- He ate a pie.
There were odds of 8 to 1 on him eating during the match, so he ate a pie.
OK, I wanted to know what was unusual about Serena Williams' shoes when she got married.
They were tennis rackets.
You are so close.
And after also drawing a snail saying that, so if it's not the right answer, we didn't say it.
- Blame the snail.
- Blame the snail.
David, Roisin? She had three of them, she was wearing three shoes.
That's my favourite thing anyone's said all night.
- She was wearing three shoes! - Where's the third shoe? On her other leg.
- 50 points.
- OK, Big Narstie, Katherine, what did you get? She had diamond tennis shoes.
She put some of these on her reps.
Yeah, that is the right answer.
Let's take a look.
Those are her Nike trainers, bejewelled with real crystals.
- Look what I'm doing with my finger, bruv.
- I know.
- Stop, stop To be fair, since she gave us fidget spinners, you ain't heard a peep out of me and Noel.
- They really do work.
- I would say there's nothing really unusual.
I mean, she's a tennis player and on her wedding she wore sort of specially posh tennis shoes.
That's the answer to the question what was unusual is there was nothing unusual, it's just what you would have expected, it's so unoriginal as to be not worth mentioning.
Next I wanted to know who Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps lost a race to this year.
- Seated shark.
- Seated shark.
- Seated shark.
You're so happy with seated shark.
- Or a human arm.
- That arm coming in from the right.
- I will give you that - seated shark.
Thank you.
- You've written what, Katherine? - He tried to race Jaws.
He tried to race Jaws, OK, I'll give you that.
And did you get this? Yeah, we said a CGI non-member of Boyzone, (call back).
Let's take a look.
This goes to show the Discovery Channel are out of ideas.
Swimmers, take your mark.
Go! I mean, I don't get that.
I don't get that, they added the shark in postproduction, right? And then went, yeah, it turns out you lost.
A human is never going to beat a giant fish at swimming.
You might as well get a high jumper to take on a pigeon.
Who can jump higher? The man or the pigeon? Oh, the man is doing quite well.
The pigeon is doing well.
Oh, the pigeon is still going.
Oh, the pigeon's just completely fucked off now and the man has landed.
What I love about that race is people were really upset that it was a CGI shark.
That they didn't put him in with a real one? Yeah, they were really upset and tweeted it should have been a really shark, we tuned in for a real shark.
It would have eaten him.
Well, yeah, it would have.
It probably wouldn't have eaten him cos as people are at pains to say, sharks don't eat many people, compared to, say, hippos.
- Do hippos eat people? - And they're vegetarians, but they kill them.
- Hippos kill loads of people.
- No way! - Yeah, they do.
This is the tabloids and the media.
The hippo is the real gang banger, you know what I mean? - Also, marbles.
They're fucking mental for marbles.
- Yeah.
Yes.
Be fair though, Jimmy, they are quite hungry.
Yeah, that's a good point.
OK, let's see how you're all doing after that.
Richard and Noel, you've got 13, which is not bad for you, considering.
David and Roisin have 23, Big Narstie and Katherine have 24, just in the lead.
Join us after the break, because to be honest, I'm not comfortable being left alone with these people.
Welcome back to the Big Fat Quiz Of The Year.
Our next round is all about people.
Considering there are 7.
6 billion people on the planet, it's absolutely incredible that Donald Trump is the man Vladimir Putin picked to be president.
In July, Vince Cable became leader of the Lib Dems.
Yeah, that's right, Vince Cable AND the Lib Dems both still exist.
O J Simpson was released on parole this year.
What's next for O J? Well, he's a charismatic American celebrity with a short term history of misogyny.
Maybe he'll run for president.
OK, time for some more big fat questions.
In November, Man of the year Stormzy found himself in a spot of bother at the MTV VMAs.
He asked his Snapchat followers for help.
What was his predicament? David Mitchell knows! Of course he does.
OK.
For our next question, it's over to one of the world's finest actors, Charles Dance, who's reading an extract from an autobiography released in 2017.
All I wanna know is, who is the mystery author? Chapter four, February 2016.
Gary was being so affectionate and complimentary to me all night.
He was whispering stuff in the club like, "Tonight we're not having sex, we're making love.
" I told him I didn't know what that meant, but it sounded amazing.
He then said, "We'll be kissing the whole time.
"It'll be slow, then fast.
" Sounded so sexy.
We snuck off back to the shag pad for our very first lovemaking session.
All I kept thinking was, "I hope I've shaved my fanny!" But Gary was a bit worse for wear.
There wasn't anything sexy about that.
The whole room was spinning.
He puked all over the floor.
What the hell?! Gary's never sick, and it stunk! If this is what making love is all about, then rule me out! I'm all right with a quick shag.
Because of the smell in the shag pad, we went back to my bed in the girls' bedroom to sleep.
I had a Brucie bonus, because we woke up a few hours after we'd passed out and started to get frisky! Making love to Gary was like the first time I tried a cheeseburger.
Sexy, sensual .
.
and satisfying.
APPLAUSE That was Charles Dance, there.
OK, so whose autobiography was he reading from? So, presumably, whoever wrote that only tried a cheeseburger as an adult.
That's so sad.
That's so sad.
Jeremy Corbyn had a very successful year, but can you remember what happened when he tried to high five Shadow Foreign Secretary Emily Thornberry back in June? - What happened when he tried to high five? - Yeah, what happened? OK, next up, over to Ed Balls.
Good evening, Jimmy.
As a former Shadow Chancellor, I love hearing about young entrepreneurs.
So this year I was thrilled to read about Nathan John-Baptiste, a 15-year-old schoolboy who was reported to be turning over more than ?20,000 before his school put a stop to it.
Can your teams remember what his business was? OK.
What type of business did 15-year-old Nathan John-Baptiste set up at school? Now it's time for a ?say what you see.
Simple.
Just say what you see.
The answer to the question is just in what you're seeing, if you just say those things.
Actually, don't say what you see, write down what you see.
It's a write down what you see question.
Write down what you can see.
- Do you know what it is? - Well done.
- OK.
Ready for some answers? - ARE we? - OK.
OK, so I asked you In November man of the year Stormzy found himself in a spot of bother at the MTV VMAs.
What was the problem? Gemma Collins fell on him.
It's a very good answer.
OK, what have you got? Locked in the stalls.
He was locked in the cubicles.
He was taking a dump and got trapped in the women's toilets.
- Hang on.
- Ha-ha-ha! - He must have gone IN the women's toilets.
- Yeah! - Standing.
- Unless the dump propelled him in.
He wouldn't have gone in the males' toilets, where there's all wee on the toilet seat! - David, Roisin, did you get this? - We did.
We've said, "Stormzy got stuck in the loo cos he was "too big for his boots.
" Ooh! Come on! Points all round on that one, OK? Charles Dance read next from a celebrity autobiography out this year.
Whose was it? What do you think, Noel? Richard? - Roger Black.
- Roger Black.
You thought it was Roger THEY LAUGH The hurdler, the Olympic hurdler, Roger Black.
We've lost the fucking will to live! Roger Black.
I thought Roger Black was one of most handsome athletes of all time.
- Wasn't he? - He Good reference.
I've not heard Roger Black referenced in some time! Nice.
OK, its not Roger Black.
Er, Big Narstie, what did you put for this? Ah (IN SCOUSE ACCENT): It's, it's Charlotte from Geordie Shore.
They's getting mortal.
- Oh, oh! - She had a bit of a bounce on Gazza's cock.
That's very good.
David and Roisin, what have you got? We thought either Charlotte Crosby or Princess Anne.
You thought that might have been from Princess Anne's? I haven't read either of their autobiographies, so I couldn't be sure but they, it just seemed, it seemed her turn of voice.
OK.
Let's go back to Charles Dance for the answer.
That was an extract from Brand New Me, the memoirs of Charlotte Crosby.
Let's get mortal.
No.
But very well done.
OK, thank you Charles Dance, God love you.
OK.
Jeremy Corbyn had a very successful year.
Can you remember what happened when he tried to high five Shadow Secretary Emily Thornberry back in June? He went into the future.
In a sense, he did.
- He literally did continue into the future.
- Exactly! - I mean, in terms of the continuum - Yeah.
- .
.
You cannot - He didn't freeze in time.
- Yeah.
- He went into He did go into the future.
- He didn't travel back in time, no, I mean, you're right, in a sense.
- Exactly! - 50 points! - But in an actual sense - 50 points, hungry, hungry Jimmy! - Stop saying, "50 points.
" We're not right "in a sense", we're just right.
Um What did you put, David? He slapped her boob.
I love it when I read, I say it and David writes it down, and says it! OK, er, Big Narstie? Yeah, he kind of tried to caress something, still.
Let's take a look at the incident in question.
Do you think that's his first go at high fiving? I would say so.
What do you think they're thinking there? There they are, the two of them.
He's just slapped her boob by accident.
They're both smiling like it didn't happen.
What's going through their heads? Are they going, "Do you think no-one noticed?" OK.
Ed Balls asked you what 15-year-old businessman Nathan John-Baptiste set up at school.
What was his business? - Sweatshop! - Sweet shop.
- Sweat shop! - Sorry, SWEAT shop? - Yeah! I thought you put "sweet shop".
I was going, "Yeah.
Got it.
" No, that's not a business, is it? ?20,000 a year he was turning over, in the sweet shop.
They got it.
Sweets.
- Sweat shop! - Wasn't really, sorry, it was just a spelling error.
We meant sweet shop.
- What did you put? - Haulage.
Nail bar.
- Either haulage - Or nail bar.
- You thought he set up nail bar in the toilets of his school? - Yes.
You've got the dryers there.
You get the points, Big Narstie and Katherine.
He set up a sweet shop.
It was turning over ?20,000 a year.
He had 11 employees.
- Wow! - I don't know why the school shut it down, it strikes me as excellent.
OK.
I asked you to say what you saw.
What have you got, Richard, Noel? - Yes.
- Pwince Phwilip announced retirement.
- They got it! - I know! - Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Remarkable, isn't it? We like to get one right to prove we're not idiots.
- Course - I - got it.
- Yeah.
- I'm going to be really honest, we have Prince Philip retirement and then we are not sure about announced, but we - .
.
definitely - Oh, that's the Pagan! I was on TV with that woman, that's Ann, Ann something.
- I think that's Ann Widdecombe, yeah.
She is a pagan, yeah.
- Yeah, 100%.
Why didn't you like Ann Widdecombe? Why? Cos, yeah, she's fake, bruv.
She tries to go on like she knows about the streets and stuff, and she cares about poor people.
She's in a warped life, bruv.
I'm no fan of Ann Widdecombe, but I would not say she's someone who pretends she either knows about the streets, or cares about poor people.
- I would say she has not projected that image, yeah? - OK.
So You got it absolutely right.
David Mitchell, what did you? Er, the same.
Prince Philip announces retirement.
OK, so points, points, no points - we need the full phrase.
OK.
Time now for a bonus round.
This is the part of the show where I introduce a mystery guest.
All you have to do is guess who they are and how the made the news this year, and you can only ask yes or no questions.
- It's exciting.
- Please welcome our mystery guest.
- Yay! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Very good to see you.
OK, so what questions? He made the news this year.
Quite a big story.
Did you tweet something? No.
- Did you see something? - Yes.
And if you see something, say something.
- Did you smell something? - Yes.
- Did you witness something? - Yes.
Was it in London? - No.
- Was it in Britain? - Yes.
- Was it in England? - Yes.
- Was it in the north of England? - No.
I've got to say, this is one of my favourite conversations ever.
At current point, this is like tennis.
Wait, you did, you didn't tweet it, you didn't tweet it, you didn't share it?! - Did you share something? - Yes.
Was it a criminal, was it criminal, what you saw? No.
Was it in an urban area of more than 250,000 inhabitants? - Yes.
- Was it in Coventry? - No.
- Was it in Bristol? - Yes.
- Did it go back YES! - Yes! - Yes! - Oh! He smelt and saw and witnessed a funny thing that happened in Bristol.
- Someone farted! - Yes.
- What?! - What? - Someone in Bristol farted.
It's more that that, but you're on the right lines.
You're getting warmer with that.
- Yes.
- Someone in Bristol farting is not a massive story.
More than farted, as a clue.
- Sharted.
- They shat! - Yes.
- NOEL: Sharted! Is it an animal? - No.
- No.
- NOEL: Someone shat themselves in Bristol? Again, I'm not thinking front page.
- "Shat themselves" is the dream compared to what happened.
- Oh! - I remember this.
- OK.
- Oh.
- OK, write down what you think it might be.
- Yeah.
- Oh! What, what is it? - It involves someone .
.
shat, and it made the news.
- This guy was involved.
- I can't remember exactly what happened! Well, you've got to Have a little think.
- Was it at a festival? - No.
- It was not at a festival.
- I've got it wrong, then.
- Oh, no! - Wait, wait! - I, I know! I know! Well, write it down! OK, let's have a look and see what they put.
Well, first Big Narstie thought it was festival-related and public toilets We crossed that out, and then we put OK.
That's not anything.
Richard, Noel, what have you got? Did they poo and it went up like a lava lamp and never landed? - That's not what we put.
- No.
JIMMY READS THEIR PANEL - That's the only thing I know about Bristol.
- Bristol.
OK, all right.
And what have you got, Roisin and David, please? Someone got into some sort of trouble - trying to retrieve their poo - ROISIN SCREAMS .
.
from between a window and its secondary double glazing.
In a bag That That, my friend, is that the right answer? - Yes.
- Yes, that is the right answer.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE So, please explain who you are and why you made the news.
My name is Liam and my date got stuck between two windows at my house earlier this year after she tried to throw her poo out of the window.
- So, sorry, you were on a date.
You're on a date.
- Yes.
- You go back to your house.
- The lady excuses herself, goes to the bathroom.
- Yes.
Drops a deuce.
Yeah.
It wouldn't flush.
So she, she, she wrapped it up in toilet paper and she went to try and throw it out my window, but unfortunately my house had a weird sort of quirk of student housing design and there was two, two panes of glass, and it got stuck in between them.
So she essentially just put her poo on display? Essentially, in a nice little case.
It's a nice display unit, like, as you would get in a museum, - maybe, for an artefact.
- Exactly.
So she put her poo on display, and then what happened? Well, I though we'd smash the window to get it out.
She was, she was a bit of an amateur gymnast so she decided to climb in after it, and she got stuck.
- So who did you have to call? - The fire brigade came out in the end.
And were any of the firemen injured laughing that hard? I think it was the call out of the week for them, yeah.
How did she tell you what had happened? She was very polite about it, actually.
She came out and said, "Look, I'm really sorry, but this has happened.
"And we're going to have to" Yeah, it's the "this" that I'm interested in.
You've skipped over the most interesting bit, there.
So She comes back and she says, "My mummified faeces are in the" Er, David and Roisin, you get the points! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE OK, let's see what that's done to the scores.
I can tell you, Richard and Noel have 15 points and David and Roisin and Big Narstie and Katherine both on 28.
- Ooh! - Whoa! We're going to take a quick toilet break now.
Ladies and gentlemen, a big hand for our special guest, Liam! Liam, thanks for coming on, mate, really appreciate it.
Thank you.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Welcome back to The Big Fat Quiz.
The next round is all about the talking points and water cooler moment moments that defined 2017.
Let's remind ourselves what everyone was talking about this year.
The new ?10 note featuring Jane Austen was a triumph for feminists who'd long complained there were no women featured on banknotes.
Except, of course, the Queen who's on all of them! LAUGHTER Extreme weather caused worldwide devastation in 2017.
Much of Texas was flooded, whole Caribbean islands were left devastated, Vietnam had their strongest typhoon in a generation.
And, in Britain, a wheelie bin was blown over! Together, we will rebuild!? OK, a final set of questions.
All right.
Eyewitnesses were delighted in April when they saw Tom Hardy spring into action on the streets of London.
What was he doing? Playing Zebedee? Was he on the springs? In September, two-year-old Emily Henson attended the Invictus Games and sat next to Prince Harry.
What did she do on camera that made headlines around the world? She did something on camera that made headlines around the world.
OK, the next question, we're going over to The Script.
ALL: Hello, Jimmy! This year, one tweet from everyone's favourite football pundit Gary Lineker, it really caught our eye.
That's right.
Back in October he tweeted, "The end is nigh.
" But what strange phenomenon prompted him to tweet this? I liked the bit earlier when there was a bat in their house.
- What did they say, Jimmy? - Gary Lineker tweeted, "The end is nigh.
" Why did he tweet, "The end is nigh"? - OK.
- # The end is nigh.
# In November, Greggs the bakers was forced to apologise after publicity shots for its Christmas advent calendar were criticised.
- Can you tell me what caused the offence? - Oh, yes! Yes, David, of course, has an advent calendar from Greggs up in the house, I feel sure! You know, when I go to Greggs, yeah? The first thing I do, I walk up to the woman, I say, what I want, you know what I'm saying, yeah? Don't want them dead sandwiches.
I beg you, bust me if you love me, Go to the back and make me a special club.
There's an extra ?2 for the filling.
- And she does it? - Of course.
- Ooh! That is the most amazing brag ever.
I go into Greggs and I get them to make me a special sandwich! I'm going to try it, it sounds amazing.
I like it.
OK.
A US Navy pilot was grounded after residents in Washington witnessed the pilot doing something a Navy official described as "holy unacceptable and antithetical to Navy core values.
" So, what was that US Navy pilot doing? It's a US Navy pilot, Top-Gun-style man, was doing something, what was it? Tell you what he was doing, he was taking my bloody breath away! - It's a Top Gun reference, everyone.
- That's right.
There should be more refs to Berlin.
Thank you.
OK, let's have a look at some answers, everyone.
OK.
I asked you what Tom Hardy did on the streets of London, - what did you think? - Some fine acting.
- You think people saw him acting? - And he also stopped a crime.
- Mm.
Maybe some bad acting was happening near him! So, stopped a crime.
What did you get, Big Narstie? - He stopped a robber.
- Stopped a robber, - OK.
- That's a crime.
Yeah, OK.
And Richard, Noel? You said something about Taboo.
I've no idea what he was talking about.
He was in a show called Taboo, we just wrote that down.
And then we put, "He was.
" In a show called Taboo.
- I can't give you a point for that.
- I was going to stick with "he was".
OK.
I'm going to give you points.
He actually, Tom Hardy, was spotted on the streets of London stopping a man who'd allegedly stolen a motorbike.
- So, we're right? - You're right, you get points for that.
Well done.
Point, point, no point.
Next, I want to know what two-year-old Emily Henson was caught doing at the Invictus Games? Steal on my man.
She was flirting with my bay.
She stole his popcorn, it was adorable, it was viral.
- Did you get this? You got? - Ate his royal popcorn.
OK.
And then, stole his Did you? What? Yeah.
Stole his popcorn.
And I drew a ghost, So, that's an extra point.
Well, let's take a look.
It is pretty adorable.
- Ah.
- He initially seriously actually took the popcorn away from her.
At the start, he genuinely did that.
And then he tried to make up for it afterwards.
If you look at that, he went - You didn't mention it.
- He absolutely meant to.
- He is a prince! - She's eating it for ages without him noticing.
- When he does notice, he's like - He went, "Back up.
- "Back Back the fuck up.
" - "Do you know who I am?" So, The Script wanted to know why Gary Lineker took to Twitter to claim the end was nigh, what did you put? He's giving up on Walker Crisps, going to get rid of them, isn't he? No.
Uh The sky went What is it? - Weird sky caused by prawn cocktail dust.
- Yes.
- OK, Richard, Noel, what have you put? - What do you mean? - What have you got for this? - What for? Sandstorm sky.
We got it right, sandstorm sky.
Mind your own business.
- Apologies, Noel, apologies.
- Yeah.
I can tell you that, yes, Gary Lineker was worried that the world was ending because of the red sky.
Let's have a look.
Look, the sky of London.
I don't think Gary Lineker was really worried - that the end was nigh.
I think - No.
I think he was expressing levity, don't you? He was joking about it.
So, I think to say, "Stupid Gary Lineker thought the world was ending, and now it hasn't," is a bit rough.
OK.
Greggs the bakers upset people with their Advent calendar, why? - Sausage roll.
- Nativity scene.
- Replaced Jesus.
- They replaced Jesus with a - Sausage roll.
- Sausage roll.
Did you get this as well? Did you get this? - Yes.
- Well, let's have a look and see.
This is their nativity scene.
Oh, no.
No, but if you look carefully, you will see that Jesus has been replaced by a sausage roll there.
I can't see how that Who complained about that? I mean, if I was, you know, Jewish or Muslim, I might have a problem.
But Christians? What have they got against a sausage roll? - Jesus was Jewish.
- Yeah, but then the Christians complained about this.
He's a Jewish baby being played by a pork sausage.
Being played by? LAUGHTER I mean, open up the auditions.
You can't just give it to a sausage roll.
- Give the sausage roll the dignity - Open up the auditions? What do you think, a steak bake should have got it? Yes.
If you're going to go meat and pastry, give it to the steak bake.
Have some respect.
- I must say, I'm not surprised that people complained.
- No.
I think the point where they thought, I tell you what would be a bit of fun around Christmas is, if instead of Jesus, we have not just a sausage roll, but a sausage roll that someone's taken a bite out of.
I think it would have been fine if it was a mini sausage roll - but the scale is ludicrous.
- Yeah.
- It's about the scale.
- Like, more of a canape? - Yeah.
You couldn't give, none of those little figures could have given birth to something that big.
OK.
Points all round on that one.
And lastly, for this round, I want to know why US Navy pilots got in trouble, what did they do? Dick sky.
That's what we've written.
OK.
Big Narstie, Katherine, what have you put? - Big Narstie knew the answer to this one.
- What was it? - They were watching porn.
- Yeah, you knew the wrong answer to this one.
- Yeah, it's dick sky.
- We all can know the wrong answer.
It's dick sky.
That's the right answer.
Richard, Noel? He had a shit in the cockpit and threw it out, it got caught between the glass.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Dick sky is wonderful.
Let's take a look at what I can only describe as two pilots who have gone to Top Gun.
- Dick sky.
I think what you're looking at is dick sky.
- Yeah.
It's a shame they didn't go back to do the little bit of sperm coming out of the end.
I guess, I guess, you know, budget cuts.
OK, finally, it's time for the big question.
Blue Planet II was the most viewed television show of 2017.
So, who better to ask our final question than the cast of Blue Planet II? Happy feet CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hello! Can we play with them? Let's play.
Hi.
Can we? Gaga-gaga-gaga.
Freedom! LAUGHTER Leg it! Holy fucking shit.
Oh, my fucking God.
Jimmy, what is going on? A polar bear! I mean, we've met penguins.
That woke me up! Did you genuinely think the polar bear was real? For a hot second I thought it was real and I was going to run.
For a hot second! OK.
Mr Polar Bear, do you have a question? Ahem, yes, I have some questions.
I'd like the panel to tell me the most streamed artist in 2017, according to Spotify.
And the most talked about person on Twitter in the UK in 2017.
And the word of the year for 2017.
It seems very reasonable, yeah, OK, cool.
Of course, three questions.
- It's the most streamed artist according to Spotify, yeah? - Yes.
OK.
And the most talked about person in the UK, according to Twitter? That's correct.
I'll give you clues, it's not Donald Trump.
And the word or phrase of the year - according to the Collins English dictionary? - That's it.
Why the Collins dictionary, not the Oxford English dictionary? Because I went to Cambridge.
LAUGHTER OK! All right.
Uh.
Go over and bother Noel.
But don't spill the mulled wine on him because Oh, that is cool.
He's pretty adorable, isn't he? Jimmy? Is the word of the year absolutely one word? - No, it's a phrase, it's a phrase.
- He's not that adorable, Jimmy.
# OK, so it's a point each, - a ten-point bonus if you get all of them.
- OK.
OK.
So, most streamed artist of the year? Who did you think? - Taylor Swift.
- Nah.
- What did you think? - The ginger bro, man, he smashed 'em.
- Ed Sheeran.
- Sheeran.
- Ed Sheeran, OK.
And Richard, Noel, you've gone with? - Ed Sheeran.
- Ed Sheeran.
Ed Sheeran is the right answer, the most streamed artist of the year.
My God! All right.
Most talked about person in the UK, this is according to Twitter.
We went Jeremy Corbyn.
- You went? - Yeah, Corbyn.
- Corbyn.
- And you went? - Taylor Swift.
We don't care.
Taylor Swift, we don't care.
OK.
I can tell you the answer was Jeremy Corbyn.
- Most talked about person this year.
- Woo, again! And the phrase or the word of the year? - Dotard.
- Dotard is not the right answer.
- You went with? - Base.
- Base.
BDL.
No, that is not the word of the year.
- And then you've gone for? - Fake news.
- That was the word of the year.
- Yes! - OK.
Let's see how you all did.
I can tell that, in last place, predictably, Richard Ayoade, Noel Fielding, 19 points.
I mean, well done.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE With 33 points, Big Narstie and Katherine Ryan.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE But, in first place, David Mitchell and Roisin Conaty with 39 points.
You're the winners of The Big Fat Quiz of the year.
There is your trophy.
Thanks to all of you.
A big thank you to our amazing panel, all our special guests, and thank you for watching.
This has been The Big Fat Quiz Of 2017.
Good night!