The Fall Guy (1981) s01e15 Episode Script

WELL, I'M NOT THE KIND TO KISS AND TELL BUT I'VE BEEN SEEN WITH FARRAH I'VE NEVER BEEN WITH ANYTHING LESS THAN A NINE SO FINE I'VE BEEN ON FIRE WITH SALLY FIELD GONE FAS WITH A GIRL NAMED BO BUT SOMEHOW THEY JUS DON'T END UP AS MINE IT'S A DEATH-DEFYIN' LIFE I LEAD I TAKE MY CHANCES I DIE FOR A LIVIN' IN THE MOVIES AND TV [ Siren Wailing .]
BUT THE HARDEST THING I EVER DO IS WATCH MY LEADING LADIES KISS SOME OTHER GUY WHILE I'M BANDAGIN' MY KNEE I MIGHT FALL FROM A TALL BUILDIN' I MIGHT ROLL A BRAND-NEW CAR 'CAUSE I'M THE UNKNOWN STUNTMAN THAT MADE REDFORD SUCH A STAR [ Women Vocalizing .]
I'VE NEVER SPEN MUCH TIME IN SCHOOL BUT I'VE TAUGH LADIES PLENTY IT'S TRUE I HIRE MY BODY OUT FOR PAY HEY, HEY I'VE GOTTEN BURNED OVER CHERYL TIEGS BLOWN UP FOR RAQUEL WELCH BUT WHEN I WIND UP IN THE HAY, IT'S ONLY HAY HEY, HEY I MIGHT JUMP AN OPEN DRAWBRIDGE OR TARZAN FROM A VINE 'CAUSE I'M THE UNKNOWN STUNTMAN THAT MAKES EASTWOOD LOOK SO FINE [ Colt Narrating .]
THIS IS THE STORY OF ONE OF AMERICA'S GREAT UNSUNG HEROES.
I MEAN, YOU'VE SEEN HIM, BUT YOU NEVER KNEW WHO HE WAS.
YOU'VE CHEERED FOR HIM AND CRIED FOR HIM, WOMEN HAVE WANTED TO DIE FOR HIM.
BUT DID HE EVER GET ANY CREDIT? OR THE GIRL? NO.
HE WAS WHAT WE CALL A STUNTMAN.
AND THE REASON I'M TALKIN' SO FONDLY ABOUT HIM IS-- WELL, BECAUSE IT'S ME, COLT SEAVERS.
ANYWAY, PICTURE WORK ISN'T WALL-TO-WALL EMPLOYMENT.
SO MAYBE YOU WONDER HOW A GUY KEEPS HIS HEAD TOGETHER.
WELL, ONE WAY IS TO WAIT BY THE PHONE AND WAIT AND WAIT.
THE OTHER IS TO TAKE AN OCCASIONAL JOB FOR THE COURT SYSTEM OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, WHERE A MAN IS CONSIDERED INNOCEN UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY.
UNFORTUNATELY, SOMETIMES A LO OF THESE PEOPLE GET OUT OF JAIL ON WHAT WE CALL BAIL.
AND THEY RUN LIKE HELL.
THAT'S WHERE I COME IN.
I SOMETIMES PICK UP RENT MONEY TRYIN' TO FIND THEM AND BRING THEM BACK TO JUSTICE.
BUT SOMETIMES IN MY MOVIE STUNTS, THE COPS TRY TO BRING ME BACK TO JUSTICE.
[ Siren Wailing .]
[ Siren Stops .]
[ Siren Wailing .]
[ Whistle Blowing .]
[ Siren Wailing, Distorted .]
[ Howie .]
WAS THAT GREAT OR WHAT? NOT BAD, EVEN IF I HAVE TO SAY SO MYSELF.
HEY, I MEAN FOR MY FIRST BIG STUNT JOB, I THINK I DID TERRIFIC.
UH, HOWIE, WHAT DID YOU DO? I MEAN, COLT WAS DRIVING THE CAR.
WELL, I WAS THE GUY IN THE LIFEGUARD STAND.
[ Gasps .]
OH.
YEAH.
OH.
YOU WERE TERRIFIC.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IT AGAIN? HOWIE, WE'VE SEEN IT 10 TIMES.
TWELVE TIMES, BU WHO'S COUNTIN'? GO AHEAD, KID.
RUN IT AGAIN.
[ Tape Rewinding .]
[ Phone Rings .]
[ Big Jack .]
HELLO.
[ Man .]
SWEETHEART, HOW ARE YA? - WHO IS THIS? - EDDIE ARTIST.
EDDIE! I'VE BEEN TRYING TO REACH YOU.
THEY CHANGED THE TIME OF YOUR SENTENCING UNTIL THIS AFTERNOON.
YEAH, IT DOESN' MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN? - I CAN'T MAKE IT.
- WHAT? WELL, YOU KNOW, CONSIDERING MY RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR FATHER, I THOUGHT I'D DO THE RIGHT THING AND GIVE YOU A CALL.
EDDIE, THE RIGHT THING IS FOR YOU TO SHOW UP FOR YOUR SENTENCING.
YOU WOULDN'T WANT ME TO GO TO JAIL FOR SOMETHING I DIDN'T DO, WOULD YA? - I DIDN'T EMBEZZLE ANY MONEY.
- EDDIE, YOU HAD A FAIR TRIAL, AND YOU WERE FOUND GUILTY.
FAIR TRIAL? SAMANTHA, HONEY, GROW UP.
MY COURT-APPOINTED LAWYER SPENT AS MUCH TIME PREPARING MY CASE AS AL CAPONE SPEN ON HIS INCOME TAX RETURN.
- EDDIE-- - YOU'RE A SMART LADY.
YOU KNOW I'M INNOCENT.
EDDIE, IT DOESN'T MATTER IF I DO OR NOT.
SEE? YOU BELIEVE IN ME.
I MEAN, JUST TRUST ME FOR A FEW DAYS.
NO.
HONEY, LISTEN.
I'LL BE THERE.
I PROMISE.
YOU'RE ADORABLE.
I LOVE YA.
I LOVE YA.
[ Dial Tone .]
EDDIE? [ Racquetball Ricocheting .]
THAT'S 20-19.
ONE MORE POINT.
THIS IS GONNA BE THE FIRST TIME I'VE EVER BEATEN YOU.
YOU AIN'T BEATEN ME YET.
I'VE JUST BEEN LEADING YOU ON ANYWAY, TAKIN' IT EASY ON YOU.
WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT.
YEAH, WELL, SERVE IT UP.
COLT.
I WON! I WON! [ Laughing .]
- I WON! - I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU.
[ Laughs .]
HIS NAME IS EDDIE ARTIST.
HE WAS FOUND GUILTY FOR EMBEZZLING $10,000 THROUGH A FORMER EMPLOYEE.
HE PHONED ME THIS MORNING AND TOLD ME HE WASN' SHOWING UP FOR HIS SENTENCING.
HE CALLED YOU? MM-HMM.
HE'S REALLY NOT A BAD SORT.
I KIND OF INHERITED HIM WITH THE BUSINESS.
HE WAS ONE OF MY DAD'S STEADIEST CUSTOMERS.
BUT HE ALWAYS SHOWED UP.
BUT NOT THIS TIME.
[ Sighs .]
WELL, HE ASKED IF I COULD WAIT A FEW DAYS, AND THEN HE'D TURN HIMSELF IN.
BUT YOU DON'T TRUST HIM? WELL, MY DAD TRUSTED HIM, BUT I DON'T KNOW.
IF YOU WANT US TO PICK HIM UP, WE'LL PICK HIM UP.
HEY, I HATE TO BE THE ONE TO ASK THE OBVIOUS, BUT, UH, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE WE COULD FIND THIS GUY? I CHECKED HIS ADDRESS, BUT HE DOESN' LIVE THERE ANYMORE.
BUT I DO KNOW ONE THING THAT MIGHT HELP YOU.
HE'S ALWAYS WORKED AS A FIGHT TRAINER.
[ Clears Throat .]
WELL, IT'S A LEAD.
NOT A VERY GOOD LEAD, BUT A LEAD.
[ Howie .]
WHAT ARE WE DOING IN THIS PARK? [ Colt .]
THIS IS WHERE WE FIND ALGEBRA JONES.
[ Colt .]
THERE HE IS.
[ Grunting .]
HEY, ALGEBRA.
HOW YOU DOIN'? HEY.
SEAVERS.
I'VE BEEN HOPIN' I'D RUN INTO YOU.
- [ Screams .]
- HEY, MAN.
WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'? BACK OFF! OH, IT'S OKAY, HOWIE.
HOWIE.
ALGEBRA AND I-- WE'RE-- [ Coughs .]
OLD FRIENDS.
YEAH, I CAN TELL.
OLD FRIENDS, HUH? NOT AFTER WHAT YOU DID TO ME.
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO TAKE ME IN.
WAIT A MINUTE.
I DIDN'T MAKE YOU STICK UP THAT GAS STATION.
BESIDES, GOING TO PRISON WAS THE BEST THING THAT HAPPENED TO YOU.
WHAT? WELL, THINK ABOUT IT.
IF YOU HADN'T HAVE GONE TO PRISON, YOU'D HAVE NEVER LEARNED HOW TO BOX.
- I'M A PRO NOW.
- YEAH, I KNOW.
I KNOW.
AND I-- AND I'M DAMN PROUD OF IT.
WE GOT SEATS FOR YOUR FIGHT SATURDAY NIGHT.
YEAH.
REALLY? YEAH.
RINGSIDE.
WELL, YOU'LL GE YOUR MONEY'S WORTH.
I'M A CONTENDER NOW.
SEE? AND YOU SAY THAT YOU DON'T OWE ME.
I PRACTICALLY STARTED YOUR CAREER.
WHEN I MET YOU, YOU WERE A LOUSY GOOD STREET FIGHTER.
I MEAN, NOW LOOK AT YOU.
YOU'RE A CONTENDER.
WELL, NOBODY HELPED ME.
I DID IT ALL MYSELF.
I WORKED HARD AND LONG ON MYSELF, AND I MADE SOMETHING OF MYSELF, BY MYSELF! NO QUESTION ABOUT IT, ALGEBRA.
I MEAN, YOU ARE A DIFFERENT MAN THAN THE ONE I CAUGHT.
OKAY, SEAVERS.
I'M GONNA HELP YOU OUT-- THIS TIME.
NOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT? I'M LOOKIN' FOR A FIGHT TRAINER NAMED EDDIE ARTIST.
EDDIE ARTIST AIN' NO FIGHT TRAINER.
HE'S A MANAGER.
AND HE DOESN'T MANAGE FIGHTERS.
HE MANAGES WRESTLERS! LADY WRESTLERS! WHERE CAN I FIND HIM? WHERE LADY WRESTLERS WORK OUT: SALLY'S GYM.
YOU FIXED THE BOOKS SO IT LOOKS LIKE I EMBEZZLED THE MONEY, THEN YOU GET YOUR HANDS ON MY FALLING STARS-- YEAH.
I'M GONNA MAKE YOU A BETTER OFFER THAN THE LAST TIME.
I'M GONNA LAY 20 GRAND ON YOU FOR YOUR GIRLS' CONTRACT.
LAY THE 20 GRAND ON YOU, AND I WON'T SAY A WORD UNTIL AFTER THE FIGHT'S OVER.
YOU TAKE THAT MONEY, AND YOU BET IT ON THE ROCKETS.
WHY SHOULD I BET I ON THE ROCKETS? BECAUSE YOU'RE GONNA TELL YOUR GIRLS THEY DON'T FEEL SO GOOD, THEY SHOULD LOSE THE FIGHT.
THESE KIDS WON'T THROW A FIGHT.
OH, YES, THEY WOULD, EDDIE-- FOR YOU.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
RICCO, WHY DON'T WE LET THE GIRLS DECIDE THEIR OWN FUTURE, HUH? GIRLS, COULD YOU COME HERE A MINUTE, PLEASE? NOW, MR.
RICCO HERE WOULD LIKE TO BUY YOUR CONTRACTS.
[ Scoffs .]
- WHAT DO YOU SAY? - YEAH.
WHAT'S THE VERDICT, LADIES? ARE YOU KIDDING? WHY WOULD WE LEAVE A NICE GUY LIKE EDDIE FOR A BUM LIKE YOU? OH, MARIE.
DON'T CALL MR.
RICCO A NAME LIKE THAT.
THERE ARE BETTER ONES, LIKE "SWINE" OR "LEECH.
" YOU GOT TWO DREAMBOATS HERE.
I MEAN, THEY'RE SWEETHEARTS.
AND YOU'VE GOT 24 HOURS TO GET SMART, EDDIE.
WHY DON'T YOU GROW A BRAIN, HUH? I'LL WORK ON IT.
HOW COULD RICCO POSSIBLY THINK HE COULD STILL GET OUR CONTRACT? DOESN'T HE KNOW YOU ONLY GOT PROBATION TODAY? YOU DID GET PROBATION? NO HITCHES? NO HITCHES.
RICCO IS THE KIND OF A GUY HATES TO LOSE.
WELL, YOU BETTER BE A LITTLE CAUTIOUS 'CAUSE THINGS MIGH GET ROUGH FOR ALL OF US.
JUST LET HIM TRY SOMETHING.
YEAH.
WE'LL PUT HIM AND HIS WHOLE GANG IN TRACTION.
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A LADY WRESTLER? WELL, NOT CLOSE-UP.
THEY'RE BIG, FA AND USUALLY MEAN.
YEAH.
KIND OF LIKE THESE TWO? HELLO, LADIES.
THOSE TWO CAN'T BE WRESTLERS.
HEY.
THEY MIGHT BE RICCO'S MEN.
COULD YOU TELL US WHERE WE COULD FIND EDDIE ARTIST? WELL, HOW YOU DOIN', EDDIE? EDDIE? I'M NOT EDDIE.
COME ON.
LET'S GO.
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
DID RICCO SEND YOU GUYS? - NO.
BIG JACK SENT US.
- BIG JACK? I DON'T KNOW ANY BIG JACK.
CUT THE ACT, EDDIE.
BIG JACK SHOWED US YOUR MUG SHOTS.
OH, MY BOND LADY.
- SHE SAID I COULD HAVE A FEW DAYS TO TAKE CARE OF THINGS.
- UH-UH.
YOU ASKED FOR A FEW DAYS, AND SHE SAID NO.
WAIT A MINUTE.
I'M A GOOD FRIEND OF HER FATHER'S.
WELL, HER FATHER'S DEAD.
BIG JACK RUNS THE BUSINESS NOW.
SHE DOESN'T TAKE KINDLY TO PEOPLE WHO SKIP OUT ON HER.
IT JUST ISN'T NICE.
YOU KNOW-- LISTEN.
WE CAN COME TO SOME ARRANGEMENT, RIGHT? MAKE YOUR ARRANGEMENTS WITH BIG JACK.
SHE OWNS YOU.
YEAH, WELL, I DON' CARE ABOUT MYSELF.
IT'S ABOUT MY GIRLS.
- THEY NEED ME.
- [ Colt's Voice .]
THE GIRLS COULD TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES.
HEY! [ Shouts .]
NOW DO YOU GUYS WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT? HUH? OW.
OH, SORRY.
WE'RE REALLY SORRY.
WE THOUGHT YOU WERE RICCO'S MEN.
RICCO? ISN'T THAT THE GUY THAT YOU-- YOU EMBEZZLED FROM? I DIDN'T EMBEZZLE FROM ANYBODY.
RICCO FRAMED ME.
THAT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM.
IF YOU GUYS ARE READY TO BRING ME IN, LET'S GO.
I'LL BE WITH YOU GIRLS AT CHAMPIONSHIP.
NOT IN PERSON.
IN SPIRIT.
WE CAN'T WIN WITHOUT YOU THERE.
EDDIE, YOU MAKE ME SO MAD.
WHY DIDN'T YOU GO TO YOUR SENTENCING? THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION.
I MIGHT HAVE WENT TO PRISON IF I WENT TO MY SENTENCING.
AND I WOULDN'T BE HERE FOR THE MATCH.
ALL I NEEDED WAS A COUPLE EXTRA DAYS.
WHAT GOOD IS MORE TIME GONNA DO YA? YEAH.
IT'S NOT GONNA HELP YOUR CHANCES IF YOU DON' SHOW UP FOR SENTENCING.
I DON'T CARE ABOUT MYSELF.
I WANT THESE GIRLS TO WIN THE CHAMPIONSHIP.
TRUE-- EXTRA PRIZE MONEY, I MIGHT BE ABLE TO GET AN APPEAL.
AND, UH, I ALSO HAVE A WAY OF MAYBE PROVING MY INNOCENCE.
- HOW? - RICCO KEPT TWO SETS OF BOOKS-- ONE FOR HIS OWN PERSONAL USE AND ONE FOR THE INTERNAL REVENUE.
THAT'S THE ONE HE USED TO DOCTOR UP TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE I STOLE THE MONEY.
IF YOU THINK YOU CAN GE HOLD OF THE REAL BOOKS, YOU COULD CLEAR YOURSELF.
COLT, PLEASE DON'T TAKE HIM IN.
EDDIE MEANS TOO MUCH TO US.
HE'S ALL WE HAVE.
NEITHER MARIE OR I EVER HAD A FAMILY.
WHEN EDDIE FOUND US, WE WERE WAITING TABLES AT A TRUCK STOP IN KENTUCKY.
WE HAD NOTHING, AND WE WERE NOTHING.
BUT THIS WEEKEND, THANKS TO EDDIE, WE MIGHT BE THE CHAMPIONS! PLEASE, DON'T TAKE THA AWAY FROM US.
- HEY, WHAT'S A COUPLE OF DAYS? - HE'S A CONVICTED FELON.
BUT HE'S INNOCENT.
YEAH.
I SWEAR, COLT.
I AM.
HE SWEARS IT.
- YOU SWEAR? - YEAH.
I SWEAR.
[ Phone Rings .]
- SAMANTHA JACK SPEAKING.
- HI, JACK.
IT'S COLT.
HI, COLT.
DID YOU FIND EDDIE? IN A WAY, BUT THAT'S WHAT I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.
COLT, THE ONLY THING I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT IS AT WHA POLICE STATION I CAN MEET YOU.
LOOK.
ISN'T THERE ANY WAY YOU CAN ARRANGE FOR EDDIE TO HAVE THOSE EXTRA DAYS? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN COURT THIS AFTERNOON.
YOU TOLD US THIS MORNING THAT EDDIE WAS A REGULAR CUSTOMER OF YOUR FATHER'S, AND HE NEVER SKIPPED.
WELL, I THINK HE MIGHT HAVE HAD A GOOD REASON THIS TIME.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN? TWO WRESTLERS HE'S MANAGING ARE FIGHTING FOR THE CHAMPIONSHIP THIS WEEKEND.
THEY NEED HIM.
COLT, I'VE SEEN THOSE WRESTLERS ON TELEVISION, AND THOSE GUYS DON'T NEED ANYBODY.
YEAH, WELL, TAKE MY WORD FOR IT.
THESE GUYS DO.
BESIDES, EDDIE JUST MIGH BE INNOCENT.
I THINK I MIGH BE ABLE TO HELP HIM PROVE IT.
ALL HE NEEDS IS TIME.
JUST THREE DAYS, JACK.
COLT, THE LAW IS THE LAW.
JACK, COME ON.
FLASH THOSE BIG EYES AT THE JUDGE.
GET US A CONTINUANCE.
- THREE DAYS? - THREE DAYS.
BUT YOU BETTER HAVE HIM BACK IN BY THEN.
YOU CAN COUNT ON ME, JACK.
I'LL NEVER LET HIM OUT OF MY SIGHT.
YOU BETTER NOT.
WELL? WELL, YOU GO YOUR THREE DAYS.
BUT IN THAT TIME WE GOTTA FIGURE OUT A WAY TO GET CLOSE ENOUGH TO RICCO TO FIND HIS REAL BOOKS.
WHAT WE NEED IS A NEW WRESTLING DISCOVERY FOR RICCO.
[ Grunting .]
[ Colt .]
COME ON, KID.
GET UP.
YOU'LL THROW HER NEXT TIME.
GET HER, KID.
SHOW HER.
[ Both Grunting .]
[ Screams .]
WELL, SO MUCH FOR THAT IDEA.
HE CAN TAKE A GOOD FALL.
WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? [ Grunts .]
[ Sighs .]
I'M A STUNTMAN.
UH, KID, SHOW HER THE MOVE I TAUGHT YOU FOR THE EASTWOOD PICTURE.
I DON'T REMEMBER THAT ONE, COLT.
COME ON.
I'LL SHOW YA.
[ Groans .]
YOU REMEMBER.
COME ON.
[ Groans .]
[ Shouting .]
NOT BAD.
NOT BAD.
HEY, HEY.
THAT GOOD ENOUGH TO FOOL RICCO? - UH-- - YEAH.
NOT RICCO.
NO, YOU MUST BE KIDDING.
KID, TRUST ME.
[ Mutters .]
[ Both Grunting .]
[ Shouts .]
[ Man .]
GIVE HIM ANOTHER ONE.
THAT'S IT.
- [ Shouts .]
- HEY.
YOU'RE THE KID THAT WANTS TO BE THE WRESTLER, HUH? - [ Shouts .]
- [ Howie .]
WELL, UH, NOT NECESSARILY.
THAT IS, I-- I MEAN-- UH, YES, SIR.
[ Groaning .]
NO, I HAVE EXPERIENCE.
I WRESTLED IN COLLEGE.
COLLEGE, HUH? THAT'S WHERE YOU LEARNED, RIGHT, RED? IN COLLEGE? YEAH.
YOU GOT IT.
TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF, KID.
WHAT? TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF.
I WANT TO SEE THE POWER.
- LOOKS PRETTY GOOD.
- [ Both Laughing .]
WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT? YOU'RE THE ANIMAL.
THIS KID'S NORMAL.
COME ON.
GET YOUR SHIRT.
TAKE A WALK WITH ME.
YOU SEE, WHAT THESE GUYS DON'T UNDERSTAND IS PROMOTION.
PROMOTION.
YEAH.
OH, THEY'VE GOT APPEAL-- WITH CRAZY LADIES, WINOS, OTHER ASSORTED LOWLIFE.
BUT WITH YOU-- YOU AND THE PROPER PROMOTION, I CAN MAKE YOU A SUPERSTAR.
GREAT.
UH, WHAT IS YOUR NAME? HOWARD MUNSON.
HOWARD MUNSON.
MOUNTAIN MUNSON! MOUNTAIN MUN-- NAH, YOU'RE NO BIG ENOUGH.
I KNOW.
UH, MIGHTY MUNSON.
MIGHTY MUNSON.
THAT REMINDS ME OF THAT MOUSE.
I HATE THAT MOUSE.
HANDSOME HOWARD.
HANDSOME HOWARD.
AND YOU'LL WRESTLE IN A TUXEDO.
A TUXEDO? I'M GONNA START YOU AGAINST KILLER TYPHOON IN THIS ARENA TONIGHT! TONIGHT? DON'T I NEED SOME TRAINING? LIKE A MONTH OR TWO? NO, NO, NO.
I'LL PUT THE FIX IN.
HE'LL THROW YOU, YOU'LL THROW HIM, AND YOU'LL WIN.
ARE ALL THESE FIGHTS FIXED LIKE THAT? NOT THE CHAMPIONSHIP ONE.
BUT TONIGHT IS NOTHING.
NOTHING AT ALL.
BESIDES, KILLER FIGHTS SO DIRTY, UGLY, NOBODY WANTS TO SEE HIM WIN.
IT'S BAD BUSINESS WHEN HE WINS.
COME ON.
I'LL SHOW YOU YOUR LOCKER.
COME ON.
I WONDER HOW HOWIE'S DOIN'.
WELL, HE CALLED EARLIER, SAID HE HAD A BOUT TONIGHT.
I'D LIKE TO SEE THAT.
[ Man .]
IT'S SHOWTIME! COME ON.
COME ON.
ALL RIGHT.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
WELCOME TO THE AUDITORIUM CLUB.
I WANT TO TELL YOU.
TONIGHT I AM ONE EXCITED GUY BECAUSE TONIGHT IS SOME KIND OF SPECIAL NIGHT.
THE TWO LADY TAG TEAMS THAT ARE GONNA BE FIGHTING FOR THE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP TOMORROW NIGHT ARE GONNA HAVE A PRELIMINARY GRUDGE MATCH RIGHT HERE ON OUR STAGE! HOW ABOUT THAT? [ Cheering .]
ALL RIGHT.
AND TO MAKE SURE THESE YOUNG LADIES DON'T HURT THEMSELVES BEFORE THE REAL FIGHT, YOU HAVE NOTICED WE HAVE FILLED OUR RING WITH REAL GELATIN! I'M TALKIN' ABOUT GRIMY, SLIMY, GOOEY GELATIN! I THINK IT'S LEMON.
I DON'T LIKE THIS PROMOTIONAL STUFF ANY MORE THAN YOU DO.
BUT IT BRINGS IN THE CROWDS.
THERE'S GONNA BE MEDIA COVERAGE.
I MEAN, IT'S GONNA GET MORE PEO-- MORE PEOPLE WILL COME TO THE CHAMPIONSHIP.
HEY.
WOULD I LET YOU GIRLS DO ANYTHING THAT WOULD HURT YOUR CAREERS? EDDIE.
FIGHTING IN GELATIN? YEAH.
WAIT.
IF YOU GIRLS FEEL THAT STRONG ABOUT IT, JUST SAY THE WORD, I'LL CANCEL THE WHOLE THING.
WELL, I-- COME ON.
- YOU GUYS MEAN MORE TO ME THAN SOME PROMOTIONAL GIMMICK.
- [ Crowd Cheering .]
YOU KNOW WHAT'S BEST, EDDIE.
YEAH.
IT'LL BE FUN.
EDDIE, WE WANT TO TALK TO YOU-- ALONE.
LATER.
WE GOTTA GO IN.
THIS WON'T TAKE A MINUTE.
JUST A MINUTE.
GO AHEAD, GIRLS.
I'LL BE THERE BEFORE YOU GO IN THE RING.
- ARE YOU SURE IT'S ALL RIGHT? - YEAH, YEAH.
DON'T WORRY.
[ Chuckles .]
LET'S GO.
[ Announcer .]
LET'S HAVE A BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE AND BRING OUT OUR GIRLS! COME ON! [ Cheering .]
MARIE.
-WHERE'S EDDIE? -HE STOPPED TO TALK TO TWO GUYS.
HE SAID HE'D BE RIGHT IN.
TWO GUYS? I BETTER SEE WHAT'S GOIN' ON.
[ Announcer .]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE'RE GONNA HAVE SOME FUN HERE TONIGHT.
GIRLS, IF YOU'LL PREPARE YOURSELF, WE'LL GET READY TO GET STARTED.
ALL RIGHT.
STAND BY, BECAUSE IT'S COMING YOUR WAY! ALL RIGHT, GIRLS.
IF YOU'LL SHAKE HANDS AND GO TO YOUR CORNERS, MAY THE BEST TEAM WIN.
HEY, COLT! I'M BEING KIDNAPPED, COLT! [ Announcer .]
LET'S GET PHYSICAL! - GO FOR IT! - JACKIE'S IN! WENDY JUST PULLED JACKIE IN! - HEY, THAT'S DIRTY POOL! - [ Shouting .]
COME ON! OH! WHOO! COME ON! GET HER! POOR EDDIE.
THE REASON HE GOT IN THIS MESS IN THE FIRST PLACE IS BECAUSE RICCO WANTED OUR CONTRACTS.
YEAH.
AND ALL EDDIE HAD TO DO WAS GIVE IT TO HIM, AND HE WOULD HAVE BEEN OFF THE HOOK.
BUT NOT EDDIE.
HE CARED TOO MUCH ABOUT US TO TRY AND SAVE HIMSELF.
HEY, LOOK.
DON'T BLAME YOURSELVES.
THEY'LL PROBABLY JUST HOLD HIM UNTIL THE CHAMPIONSHIP'S OVER.
YOU DON'T KNOW RICCO.
HE DOESN'T LIKE BEING DOUBLE-CROSSED.
HE'D THINK NOTHING OF KILLING EDDIE.
NOTHING'S GONNA HAPPEN TO EDDIE.
I'LL FIND HIM-- AND BEFORE THE CHAMPIONSHIP.
- THAT'S TOMORROW NIGHT.
- HEY.
MAYBE HOWIE KNOWS SOMETHING.
HE'S IN WITH RICCO RIGHT NOW.
- OR HE MIGHT BE IN TROUBLE.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WHAT IF EDDIE CHICKENS OU AND STARTS TO TALK ABOUT HOWIE? OH, GOD.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
HE'D BE A SITTING DUCK.
[ Door Closes .]
[ Ricco .]
WHEN THE BOYS GRABBED THAT EDDIE ARTIS IN THAT PHONY KIDNAPPING, HE TOLD THEM THAT THIS MUNSON KID IS WORKIN' UNDERCOVER FOR THE BOUNTY HUNTER.
YOU PASS THE WORD ON TO THE KILLER THAT I WANT HIS FIRS FIGHT TO BE HIS LAST FIGHT.
UNTIL YOU COUNT THE MONEY, I DON'T CARE IF IT'S YOUR OWN BROTHER.
YOU OPEN UP THE ENVELOPE, TAKE OUT THE BILLS, YOU COUNT 'EM ONE AT A TIME.
HEY, HANDSOME.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING SITTING IN THE DARK? WELL, I LIKE TO MEDITATE BEFORE A BIG MATCH.
HEY, I LIKE YOU, HANDSOME, BUT I DON'T LIKE NOBODY SITTING AROUND MY OFFICE WHEN I'M NOT HERE.
[ Bell Dinging .]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IN A MATCH THAT IS THE BEST OF THREE FALLS, LET ME INTRODUCE THE CONTESTANTS.
IN THE FAR CORNER, STANDING 7 FOOT 5 INCHES TALL, WEIGHING 465 POUNDS, KILLER TYPHOON! [ Crowd Booing .]
YOU'RE A BUM, KILLER! YOU'RE AN UGLY BUM! [ Booing Continues .]
[ Bell Dinging .]
AND IN THE OTHER CORNER, A NEWCOMER TO THE SPORT OF WRESTLING, IN HIS FIRS PROFESSIONAL BOUT, WEIGHING IN AT 175 POUNDS, HANDSOME HOWARD! [ Cheering .]
[ Cheering Continues .]
[ No Audible Dialogue .]
- [ Whistling .]
- OKAY.
COME ON OVER HERE.
COME ON.
LET'S GO.
OKAY.
I WAN A GOOD, CLEAN FIGHT.
I WANT NO BITING, NO GOUGING, NO CHOKING.
NOW SHAKE HANDS, GO BACK TO YOUR CORNER, COME OUT WRESTLING AT THE BELL.
[ Crowd Booing .]
COULD YOU GO A LITTLE EASIER, KILLER? I THINK I SHOULD BE CONSCIOUS WHEN I WIN.
[ Shouts .]
[ All Booing .]
[ Shouting .]
KID, YOU OKAY? HE'S GETTING THE STUFFIN' BEAT OUT OF HIM.
IT'S ALL RIGHT, COLT.
THE FIX IS IN.
SURE DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT.
YOU BETTER GET OU BEFORE YOU GET HURT.
IN A MINUTE IT'S GONNA BE MY TURN TO TOSS HIM AROUND.
GIVE HIM THE "FALL GUY" DROP.
LISTEN.
HE'LL BE LUCKY IF HE CAN DROP DEAD.
- DO YOU MIND? - [ Shouts .]
ATTABOY, KID! NOW THE DROP! [ Cheering .]
[ Booing .]
I NEVER SAW ANYBODY TAKE A BEATIN' LIKE THAT, AND I'VE BEEN COMING HERE FOR 20 YEARS.
HEY, CUT THAT OUT, YOU BIG BUM, YOU! A COUPLE MORE MINUTES LIKE THIS AND HANDSOME HOWARD THERE'S GONNA LOOK LIKE "HAMBURGER HOWARD.
" COME ON! YOU OKAY, KID? I CAN'T MOVE MY LEG, COLT.
YOU CAN'T LET KILLER WIN.
GET BACK IN THERE AND FIGHT! [ Laughing .]
[ Booing .]
[ Jody .]
CAREFUL.
EASY.
CAN I GET YOU A PILLOW? OH, YEAH.
I THINK THAT'D MAKE MY LEG FEEL A LOT BETTER.
- OOH, ARE YOU COMFORTABLE? - [ Sighs .]
AS COMFORTABLE AS I CAN BE.
- CAN I GET YOU A HEATING PAD? - THAT'D BE NICE.
SORRY ABOUT THAT, KID.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT, COLT.
YOU COULDN'T HAVE KNOWN THIS WAS GONNA HAPPEN.
BESIDES, WE'RE STUNTMEN, RIGHT? PAIN IS OUR BUSINESS.
THEY WOULD HAVE HAD TO TORTURE EDDIE TO MAKE HIM TALK.
[ Jackie .]
COLT, HE COULD BE IN SERIOUS TROUBLE.
[ Howie .]
AND THE CHAMPIONSHIP IS TONIGHT.
WHERE YOU GOING, COLT? TO GET A PROP.
WHAT'S THAT? I USED THIS TO DOUBLE JOE DON BAKER IN THE MOVIE WALKING TALL.
I SAW THAT MOVIE.
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH IT? ASK MARIE.
SHE SAW THE MOVIE.
IF I DON'T GET BACK BEFORE THE FIGHT, YOU GO ON DOWN WITHOUT ME.
I'LL MEET YOU THERE.
WHERE'S HE GOING? MY GUESS IS RICCO'S.
[ Phone Rings .]
[ TV: Tires Squealing .]
MMM, VERY VIOLENT.
[ Chuckles .]
HELLO.
EDDIE? WHERE ARE YOU? OH.
YEAH, SURE.
YEAH.
SURE.
JACKIE, IT'S FOR YOU.
EDDIE, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? OH, NO.
I KNOW.
I KNOW.
DON'T WORRY.
WE'RE NOT GONNA LE ANYTHING HAPPEN TO YOU.
WE LOVE YOU TOO.
BYE.
MARIE, EDDIE SAID THAT IF WE DON' THROW THE FIGHT, THEY'RE GONNA KILL HIM.
YOU GUYS SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE.
[ Chuckles .]
I SWEAR.
HE MUST HAVE THROWN THAT KID 60 FEET.
YEAH, I WISH I COULD HAVE BEEN HERE.
IT'S TOO BAD.
I COULD HAVE MADE A LOT OF BUCKS ON THAT KID.
WHERE'S EDDIE ARTIST? GET HIM! [ Groans .]
WHAT DO YOU WANT? LOOK, LOOK.
WE DON'T-- WE DON'T KEEP NO CASH IN HERE.
- I WANT EDDIE ARTIST.
- I DON'T KNOW THE GUY.
EASY! NO, DON'T-- [ Shouts .]
THOSE ARE ANTIQUES! - I'M LOSING MY PATIENCE.
- ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
I KNOW THE GUY, BUT I DON'T HAVE HIM.
- YOUR NOSE IS GROWIN'.
- NO! [ Stammers .]
[ Shouts .]
IT'S SIMPLE.
YOU KIDNAPPED EDDIE.
I WANT HIM BACK.
- I DIDN'T KIDNAP NOBODY.
- YOU'RE NEXT.
OKAY, CALM DOWN! CALM DOWN! I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU WANT TO KNOW.
NOW THAT'S BETTER.
LOOK, EDDIE WASN'T KIDNAPPED.
IT WAS ALL A FAKE.
IT WAS A SCHEME HE COOKED UP TO GET AWAY FROM YOU AND TO FOOL THE GIRLS.
YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT? IT'S THE TRUTH.
I SWEAR.
LOOK.
I WANTED THE GIRLS' CONTRACT, BUT I WOULDN' KIDNAP SOMEBODY TO DO IT.
ANYWAY, LOOK.
I-- I GOT THE CONTRACT.
HERE.
SEE? I OWN 'EM.
I OWN 'EM.
NOW, I MADE A DEAL WITH EDDIE.
HE SELLS ME THE GIRLS, AND I KEEP MY MOUTH SHU UNTIL AFTER THE FIGHT.
NOW, HE TAKES MY MONEY, AND HE BETS IT AGAINST THEM.
NOW, WILL YOU PUT DOWN THE CLUB? WHAT? HE'S PLANNING ON 'EM TO LOSE? THAT'S THE WHOLE PURPOSE BEHIND THIS FAKE KIDNAPPING.
THE GIRLS-- THEY THINK EDDIE'S IN TROUBLE.
SO, HE CALLS THEM UP, AND HE SAYS, "GIRLS, YOU GOTTA THROW THIS FIGHT, OR HE'S GONNA KILL ME.
" RICCO'S GONNA KILL HIM.
NOW, THAT EDDIE'S SMART.
HE KNOWS THOSE GIRLS.
THEY WON'T LET HIM DIE.
AND HE SKIPS TOWN WITH ALL THE MONEY.
EDDIE-- HE'S A LOWLIFE.
HE'D SELL HIS OWN MOTHER TO A CIRCUS.
YOU BOUGH THE GIRLS' CONTRACT.
WHY DO YOU WANT 'EM TO LOSE? I GOT A BIG BET DOWN MYSELF.
AND I GET THE REMATCH.
EDDIE'S NO THE ONLY LOWLIFE, RICCO.
AND BY THE WAY, WHERE IS EDDIE HIDING? I TOLD YOU.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE-- I-- I DON'T KNOW NOW.
BUT TONIGHT HE'LL BE AT SALLY'S GYM.
HE'S GOT A ROOM UPSTAIRS.
WELL, I WOULDN' TRY TO WARN EDDIE, BECAUSE IF HE'S NO WHERE YOU SAY HE IS, I'M COMING BACK.
AND I'M BRINGIN' MY STICK.
SORRY, GUYS.
[ Man Announcing .]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE REMEMBER THAT YOUR BEST CHANCE OF GETTING GOOD SEATS FOR THIS FRIDAY'S EXHIBITION IS BY VISITING OUR ADVANCE SALES WINDOW.
TICKETS WILL BE ON SALE AFTER TONIGHT'S TAG TEAM MATCH.
WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENED TO COLT? DON'T WORRY.
COLT'S NEVER MISSED A CALL YET.
PLEASE, YOU GUYS, WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T THROW THE FIGHT.
COLT'S NOT GONNA LE ANYTHING HAPPEN TO EDDIE.
WE CAN'T TAKE THAT CHANCE.
EDDIE'S LIFE IS MORE IMPORTAN THAN THIS MATCH.
HEY.
HERE COMES COLT NOW.
OH, GOOD.
[ Announcer .]
IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING TONIGHT'S MATCHES, WE'LL BE HANDING OU COMPLIMENTARY TICKETS FOR THIS WEDNESDAY'S AND THURSDAY'S-- HOW'D IT GO? JUST LIKE THE MOVIE, AND I LEARNED PLENTY.
DID YOU TWO RECEIVE A CALL FROM EDDIE? HOW DID YOU KNOW? RICCO TOLD ME YOU WOULD.
THEY'RE GONNA KILL HIM, COLT.
AH, IT WAS A LIE.
EDDIE WASN'T EVEN KIDNAPPED.
IT WAS A BIG SCHEME HE COOKED UP WITH RICCO.
I DON'T BELIEVE THAT.
LOOK.
I SAW YOUR CONTRACT.
RICCO HAS IT.
EDDIE SOLD IT TO HIM.
EDDIE WOULDN'T DO THAT.
HONEY, I KNOW IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE, BUT EDDIE TOOK THE MONEY HE GOT FOR THE CONTRAC AND BET AGAINST YOU.
NOW I KNOW IT'S A LIE.
EDDIE CARES MORE ABOU THIS CHAMPIONSHIP THAN ANY MONEY.
I SAW THE CONTRACT, JACKIE.
RICCO OWNS YOU.
I MEAN, YOU THROW THIS FIGHT, YOU'RE FALLING RIGHT INTO THEIR TRAP.
YOU DON'T KNOW RICCO, COLT.
HE PROBABLY JUST COOKED UP THIS LIE TO CON YOU.
BELIEVE ME, WHEN HE TOLD ME THIS, HE WAS IN NO POSITION TO CON.
I'M SORRY.
I'LL NEVER BELIEVE THA EDDIE SOLD US OUT.
I KNOW HE'S IN TERRIBLE TROUBLE, AND I'M GONNA DO WHATEVER I CAN DO TO SAVE HIM.
WOULD YOU BELIEVE ME IF I BROUGHT HIM DOWN HERE TO SHOW YOU THAT HE WASN'T BEING HELD? [ Announcer .]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE FEATURE BOUT-- WELL, YEAH.
I GUESS I'D HAVE TO BELIEVE IT THEN.
ALL RIGHT.
BUT DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID TILL I GET BACK.
COLT, THE MATCH IS ABOUT TO START.
STALL, OKAY? OKAY.
THIS IS A CHAMPIONSHIP FIGHT.
TWO OUT OF THREE FALLS.
I WANT A GOOD, CLEAN BOUT.
SHAKE HANDS, GO BACK TO YOUR CORNER AND WAIT FOR THE BELL.
[ Applause .]
HERE SHE IS.
I'LL GO OVER AND GET HER.
IF SHE SEES ME COMING, SHE MAY TRY TO RUN.
SO STAY AWAKE.
ALL RIGHT? HEY, PARTNER.
EVER SEE ME SLEEP ON THE JOB? NOT IN THE LAST HOUR ANYWAY.
HEY.
WHAT THE HELL'S GOIN' ON HERE? BORROW YOUR CAR A LITTLE WHILE.
- YOU'RE UNDER ARREST.
THIS IS A POLICE VEHICLE.
- YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING.
- [ Tires Squealing .]
- PULL OVER, OR I'LL START GETTING NASTY.
I HAVEN'T GOT TIME TO PULL OVER.
I'M CHASING A CONVICTED FELON.
KEEP YOUR HANDS ON THE WHEEL.
I WORK FOR A BONDING COMPANY.
I WAS GONNA SHOW YOU A BOND RECEIPT.
OKAY, BUT YOU TAKE IT OU REAL SLOW.
[ Bell Dings .]
[ Cheering .]
[ Chattering .]
OH! ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! YEAH! [ Indistinct .]
YEAH.
[ Man .]
DO YOU ALWAYS DRIVE LIKE THIS? DON'T WORRY.
I'M A STUNTMAN.
WHAT A RELIEF.
- [ Shouting .]
- [ Jody .]
WHOO! WHOO! YEAH! COME ON! COME ON! GOT A FLASHER IN THIS THING? SURE.
HOW ABOUT A SIREN? OH, YEAH.
- WELL, HIT IT.
- [ Siren Wailing .]
[ Crowd Booing .]
[ Jody .]
OH, SHE'S THROWIN' IT AWAY! [ Booing Continues .]
[ Howie .]
JACKIE, DON'T LET HER DO THAT TO YA.
[ Marie .]
YOU GUYS DON'T UNDERSTAND.
SHE'S TAKIN' THIS BEATING FOR EDDIE.
I COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT OF THAT HOLD WITH MY HANDS TIED.
MARIE, YOU GOTTA WIN THE SECOND FALL.
COLT'S GOTTA HAVE MORE TIME.
OKAY.
WE'LL WIN THIS ONE.
BUT IF HE'S NOT BACK BY THE THIRD FALL, WE'RE LOSING.
[ Crowd Shouting .]
GIVE HER THE FLYING MAT! PIN HER DOWN! PIN HER! COME ON! ONE, TWO-- [ Crowd Shouting .]
[ Siren Wailing .]
HEY.
I ALWAYS WANTED TO DO THIS FOR REAL.
RELAX.
I DO THIS FOR A LIVING.
YOU CALL THIS LIVING? NOW! TAG OUT! THAT'S MORE LIKE IT! JACKIE! JACKIE! COME ON! YEAH! COME ON! YOU GIVE UP? YOU GIVE UP? YOU GIVE UP? QUITS.
THAT'S ALL.
CALL IT.
YEAH! NICE GOIN'! YEAH! YEAH! [ Siren Wailing .]
[ No Audible Dialogue .]
I THINK WE LOST HIM.
[ Sighs .]
HE'S GOTTA BE AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE.
[ Tires Squealing .]
THAT'S HIM IN THE STORM DRAIN.
I HAD A FEELING HE'D SHOW UP.
[ Siren Wailing .]
[ Man .]
THERE'S A BARRIER UP AHEAD.
YOU BETTER STOP.
I STOP, EDDIE'S GONNA GET AWAY.
IF YOU DON'T, WE'RE GONNA GET KILLED.
YOU'RE NOT! I AM.
YOU DID.
GET ON THE RADIO AND CALL US A SQUAD CAR.
RIGHT.
WE'RE TAKING HIM IN AND BOOKING HIM.
WRONG.
WE'RE TAKING HIM TO A WRESTLING MATCH.
[ Crowd Booing, Shouting .]
YOU CAN'T DO THAT! JACKIE, COLT'S HERE.
[ Marie .]
EDDIE, TELL ME YOU DIDN'T SELL US OUT.
EDDIE, YOU STINK.
[ Crowd Booing .]
TAG ME, JACKIE! JACKIE! YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! [ Crowd Cheering .]
YEAH! PIN HER! THAT'S GOOD! THAT'S GOOD! HAD ENOUGH? NO! [ Screaming .]
HAD ENOUGH? STOP! I GIVE UP! [ Bell Dings .]
[ Cheering .]
THE NEW CHAMPS, THE FALLING STARS! I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW MUCH MY ANKLE ITCHES.
[ Chattering .]
WELL, WHERE HAVE YOU THREE BEEN? COLT GOT US A NEW MANAGER.
AN HONEST ONE.
HIS NAME'S HENRY THOMAS.
YEP.
HE SET UP A ROUND-THE-WORLD TOUR FOR JACKIE AND MARIE.
- THEY LEAVE NEXT WEEK.
- THAT'S TERRIFIC.
WOW.
AROUND THE WORLD.
SOME PEOPLE GE ALL THE LUCK.
TELL HIM, COLT.
WELL, HOWIE, UH, HENRY WANTS YOU TO GO ON THE TOUR ALSO.
WHAT? ME? AROUND THE WORLD? ARE YOU KIDDING? HE SAW YOU AS HANDSOME HOWARD AND THOUGHT YOU WERE TERRIFIC.
- WELL, I WAS PRETTY GOOD.
- YEAH.
YOU AND KILLER.
YOU'RE GONNA BE OUR OPENING BOUT.
KILLER? YEAH.
BUT DON'T WORRY.
IT'S JUST FOR EXHIBITION.
IT'S GONNA BE FIXED.
WELL, I SHOULD HOPE SO.
YOU GO FIRST-CLASS, ALL EXPENSES PAID, AND YOU GET A GRAND A WEEK.
A GRAND A WEEK? BUT YOU'RE SURE THE FIX IS IN? ABSOLUTELY.
IN SOME PARTS OF THE COUNTRY, THEY JUST LOVE SEEING THE GOOD GUY GET THE DAYLIGHTS BEAT OUT OF HIM.
- THE GOOD GUY? THAT'S ME.
HANDSOME HOWARD.
- EXACTLY.
- WH-WHAT ABOUT THE FIX? - OH, THE-- IT'S FIXED FOR YOU-- TO LOSE.
OH, WAIT A MINUTE, COLT.
I DON'T WANT TO LOSE.
COME ON.
YOU'RE GONNA GO OVER BIG WITH THE CROWD.
THEY'RE GONNA LOVE YA.
ESPECIALLY, UH, WHEN YOU END UP IN THEIR LAPS.