The Flintstones (1960) s01e15 Episode Script

How's the air up there, girls? It's getting thin, Fred, just like my patience.
The girls are sure having a ball, aren't they, Barney? Yeah, they're having a great time.
What happened? Wilma, I'm home! Fred.
My goodness, he's a minute early.
He must have gone through a red light.
I'm coming through the door, Wilma.
- I'm sitting down, Wilma.
- Oh, dear! Hello, Fred.
How did it go at the job today? Late with my dinner again, Wilma? That's the second time this month.
You know I like my plate to be on the table when I sit down.
I'm sorry, Fred.
I work hard all day, and when I get home what do I get? You work hard all day? You, you, that's all I hear.
I work hard all day, too, and what do I get? A lot of yak from you.
You at least get out every day, see things, talk to people.
I never get out of this cave.
If you'd only take me out once in a while Hold it.
Hold it right there! I got you now.
Never take you out? How short a memory can you have? Let's see.
I give up.
Where did you ever take me? Okay, I'll tick them off for you.
There was the time I took you to a No, that was Barney.
Wait a minute, I'm still ticking them.
And there was a Let me see now.
I don't hear any more ticking, Fred.
Maybe your clock stopped.
"Maybe your clock stopped.
" Droll, very droll.
I know I took you someplace.
- I got it.
Boulder Beach.
- Boulder Beach? Come now, Fred.
How could you avoid taking your wife on your honeymoon? But if there was a way, I know you would have thought of it.
I'm surprised you didn't take your pal Barney instead of me.
We spent most of our honeymoon at the Boulder Beach bowling alley.
Okay, now you've done it.
Done what, Fred? You got me all upset.
I can't eat my dinner.
- Okay, I'll throw it out.
- Hey, come back with that.
I'll eat it out on the front stoop.
Boulder Beach.
They had a great set of bowling alleys there.
I hate to have words with Fred.
Neither of us mean what we say when we're mad.
I have a bad day on the job, and I take it out on poor Wilma.
- Hiya, Fred.
- Barney! It's lonesome over on my stoop.
Do you mind? Be my guest, Barney-boy.
My stoop is your stoop.
We wouldn't be out here, unless we were both stupes.
What was it this time, Fred? You know, the you-never-take-me-anyplace routine.
- What did you and Betty ding-a-ling about? - Same thing.
- I think they got a point.
- Yeah, I guess so.
Say, Fred - I've got an idea.
- Not the Foreign Legion again.
- No.
- Good.
They turned me down last year.
Flatfeet.
Fred, let's take the girls out tonight.
That's not a bad idea.
We take them out, and we don't have to eat out here on the stoops so often.
- Someplace real nice.
- Right, so they'll remember it.
Yeah, but where? If they only played pool, it would be no problem.
- I got it, Fred.
- Yeah, what? How about taking the girls to the ball game? The ball game? I'm surprised at you, Barney.
- Well, it was just a suggestion.
- And it's a dumb suggestion because the ball team is playing out of town all this week.
Oh, yeah.
Well, let's brainstorm this, Fred.
We'll come up with something.
- Barney! - What is it, Fred? This is so big, it scares me.
It's not a brainstorm, it's a regular typhoon.
- What is it, Fred? I'm all ears.
- Wait, don't rush me.
I will let you in on the thought process.
I figure we want the girls to have a good time, right? - Right.
- And a good time means lots of fun, right? - Right.
- Then I thought: "Where can we have fun?" And all of a sudden the answer comes to me.
- And that is? - The funhouse.
The funhouse! What a mind! Yeah, the funhouse, down at the amusement park.
What do you think, Barney? That's great, Fred! It's a wonderful idea.
Get Betty to come over right away.
We'll spring it on them together.
Boy, won't they be surprised? The funhouse at the amusement park? Are you two out of your mind? What do you think we are, a couple of kids? Wilma, just a minute.
I don't know about you - but I'll settle for the amusement park.
- But, Betty, the funhouse? I know, but I never get any further than the supermarket.
Maybe there are people out there, homes, streets.
- I'll never find out unless we go.
- Well, do we go? - All right, I guess so.
- Swell.
And, Wilma, start packing plenty of sandwiches.
What? Fred, once, just once will you try to forget that stomach of yours? That's asking him to forget an awful lot, Wilma.
It's cracks like that that gets a guy a fat lip, Barney.
How's the air up there, girls? It's getting thin, Fred, just like my patience.
The girls are sure having a ball, aren't they, Barney? Yeah, they're having a great time.
Remember, Betty, you agreed to let the boys take us here.
I'm sorry, Wilma.
I guess I should've known better.
What happened? - Are you sure this is safe, Barney? - Sure, you'll love it.
Here we go again.
Hang on! Come on, girls.
They got four seats left on the rocket-to-the-moon ride.
You and Barney go, Fred.
Betty and I will rest here for a few minutes.
- Okay, but you're going to miss all the fun.
- I know.
I haven't had such fun since I had a tooth pulled.
We better stop before we laugh our way into a hospital.
Fred, look, there's one of those photo machines.
I think I'll have a picture taken for Wilma.
She's still carrying the one I took for my high school graduation.
Put a coin in the slot, Barney.
I'm ready.
All right, keep your eye on the birdie, Fred.
It's finished.
How about that, Barney? Isn't science wonderful? Hey, Fred, look over there.
That gives me an idea, Barney.
We can make a record for the girls, a sort of souvenir of their night out.
Hey, that's a great idea, Fred.
And every time they say we don't take them out, we'll play it back to them.
- Okay, Barney, put the coin in.
- Put the coin in? Why is it I'm always the one that puts the coin in things, Fred? - You bashful or something? - Of course not, Barney.
It's just that I haven't got any small change.
Yeah, this is the sixth time today you didn't have any small change.
How about that? The bird's got a long-play beak.
Why don't you go first, Barney? I don't know what to say.
Gee, Fred, I don't know what to say either.
Oh, brother, every customer, the same thing.
They want to make a record, but they don't know what to say.
How about Mary Had a Little Lamb, Hickory Dickory Dock the alphabet, your name? Come on, fellows.
I was taking a bath when you came in.
- Hey, Barney, I got a good idea.
- Yeah, what? - I'll sing.
- Oh, no! The girls will love it.
Oh, boy, I'll need more than a bath after this.
- Start the record, Barney.
- Right.
Who's that swinging down the street? Who's the birdie with the two-four beat? The two-beat wails come soft but sweet Listen to the doody bird sing Listen to the rocking bird Listen to the rocking bird The rocking bird is swinging all day long Listen to the rocking Beats me where they could have gone.
Funny we can't find them.
We've been looking for an hour.
I've got a good mind to go home without them.
That's not bad, Barney.
- Play it back once more.
- Right, Fred.
Who's that swinging down the street? Who's the birdie with the two-four beat? - What's that horrible noise, Wilma? - I don't know.
- Maybe some animal is caught in a trap.
- Oh, the poor thing.
Betty, look.
- Hiya, Wilma.
- Hi, Betty.
- We've had it, Fred.
We're going home.
- But we made a record for you.
I'll say you did, the most miserable time on record.
We get one night out, and so these sports take us to an amusement park.
Then they got the colossal nerve to leave us sitting on a bench.
- While they're having a good time.
- Big deal.
- Dream stuff, look what I found.
- What is it, boy next door? Some cornball cut a side and forgot it.
Just for laughs, let's get the gang together and give it a spin.
Cool, sound the alarm, and we'll meet at my place.
Listen to the rocking bird, way out Listen to the crazy bird, he flips The rocking bird is wailing his last song Hand me my shooting iron - So what's wrong with that? - Nothing.
It's the most! - Man, what a beat! - That cat understands us teenagers.
And so few do.
Okay, worshippers of good music, repeat after me: We, the teenagers of Bedrock have a new singing idol who understands our problems and we will be loyal to him forever.
I thought we were going to be loyal forever to Hot Lips Hannigan.
That was last week.
Hot Lips is out.
Colonel, I'm glad you're here.
You can put Keen-Teen Record Company on top of the heap.
- And how's that, sir? - Forget Hot Lips Hannigan.
Forget everybody.
Find this new guy and find him fast.
I dubbed some music behind his voice and this guy is Find him.
We'll put him on personal appearances, TV shows, the works.
- We got to cash in fast.
- Don't you fret, sir.
I'll get him.
Don't forget, I made a big star out of that boy from Georgia.
- What's his name again? - Never mind.
Go, Colonel.
They're fickle record buyers, these teenagers.
Oh, boy, how they pick them.
What a business.
Say, Fred, isn't that the record you made at the amusement park? - Yeah, how did you get it? - I didn't.
They're playing it on the radio.
That's nice.
On the radio? And that's the latest smash hit by that great unknown troubadour.
If anyone knows who this singer is please contact the Keen-Teen Record Company immediately.
- I don't get it.
- Hello, Keen-Teen Record Company? I have that singer you're looking for.
They hung up.
There he is, Colonel.
What do you think? Can we do something with him? I don't know.
It won't be easy as with that Georgia boy.
Maybe we can call him "the world's oldest teenager.
" Not bad.
Come on, sir.
Into the next room, and we'll get you all fixed up.
What are they doing in there all this time? The Colonel is the best promotion man in the business, ma'am.
- He's thinking up some kind of gimmick.
- Gimmick? Yeah, something that will catch on with the teenagers.
Okay, boy, come on out.
- Hi, Wilma.
- Meet Hi-Fye 'cause that's his new name.
This boy will sell like crazy.
Why, the clothes will get the kids, the glasses will pull in the eggheads and the gimmick is sensational.
Show him your gimmick.
Listen to him rock, listen to him roll Listen to the ricky-ticky rocking bird Do you hear him? Well, grab him, nab him Listen to the rocking bird Listen to the rocking bird The rocking bird is swinging all day long Listen to the rocking bird He's a crook Listen to the nutty, nutty bird The rocking bird It's wonderful of Fred to make Barney his business manager.
Yeah, it gives us all a chance to go on the personal appearance tour.
We're sure getting out of the house in a big way, Wilma.
Just think, we'll see all the sights, visit the big cities, stop at the best places.
And we'll be traveling first class all the way.
- This is terrible, Betty.
- First class? It's terrible.
Now I know what a milkshake feels like.
Colonel, do we have to travel like this? Ma'am, it's the only way to make the one-night stands we're booked for.
But just keep in mind, ma'am there's no business like show business.
You are so right.
And here he is, you cats your singing idol: Hi-Fye.
Listen to him rock, listen to him roll Listen to the ricky-ticky rocking bird Go, man! Do you hear him? Well, grab him, nab him Go, go! Listen to the rocking bird They must have polished that act with sandpaper.
It's kind of scary, isn't it, Wilma? Yeah, what do those kids see in him? Those kids are okay, ma'am.
They're the ones that buy the records and they have the right to get what they pay their money for.
- They know what they want, too.
- What's that? Something different all the time.
And, boy, is this different! I wonder whatever happened to that Georgia boy.
Maybe his legs gave out.
- You're our idol, Hi-Fye! - Yeah, you're the greatest.
Sign my autograph book next, will you, Hi? Look at those kids.
You know, all this hero-worship could get Fred conceited.
No, not good old Fred.
I don't know.
Good old Fred is only good old human.
- He's got a good head on his shoulders.
- Did you see that, Wilma? Those are smart kids.
They know real talent when they see it.
- "Real talent," Fred? - Maybe I am the greatest, who knows? What's my opinion against millions of music lovers? But I don't want to talk about myself.
Why don't you girls talk about me for a while? That good head on his shoulders is getting bigger all the time.
Hello, is that you, Colonel? How's the tour going? Great.
Hi-Fye is still hot? Keep it jumping.
We got to get it while the getting's good.
Tony, press another half million records.
And get them out fast.
Hi-Fye is still going strong.
Well, Betty, we've been on the road for two weeks.
How do you like the sights? The only sight I've seen on the whole trip is the one I see in my mirror.
You're not just kidding.
Go, go, go Listen to him rock, listen to him roll Listen to the ricky-ticky rocking bird Do you hear him? - This is awful, Wilma.
- I want to go home.
Let's talk to the Colonel again.
Now, don't worry, ladies.
It'll call itself off any time now.
These kids are tough on singing idols.
One day an idol's on top the next day the FBI couldn't find him.
You just be patient, ladies.
It's got to happen.
I hope so, Colonel.
Colonel, you said a week ago that we'd be going home - and here we are still on the road.
- I don't understand it, either, ladies.
By rights, Hi-Fye should've burned out a long time ago but he's hotter than ever.
Only happened once before.
Was a good-looking Georgia boy.
Can't think of his name right now.
Had long sideburns.
I'm sorry, ladies.
This Hi-Fye thing could go on for a long time, yet.
- You have my sympathies.
- Thanks loads, Colonel.
Go, go, go Listen to him rock, listen to him roll Listen to the ricky-ticky rocking bird Do you hear him? Wilma, I've had it.
Another week of this will drive me out of my mind.
I've been thinking, Betty, and I've got an idea.
What is it? We'll start an ugly rumor about Hi-Fye and the kids will drop him like a hot potato.
What rumor could be that ugly? There's one thing that's unforgivable to teenagers.
You think it'll work? I'm sure it will.
Come on, we'll give it a try.
- Yes, Wilma.
- Did you hear the lowdown on Hi-Fye? No, Wilma, what is it? I got it from a reliable source.
- Hi-Fye is really a square.
- No! You mean like four corners? That's exactly what I mean.
Did you hear about Hi-Fye? You mean No! The word is getting around fast.
It's the worst word in the teenage language.
I hope it works.
Listen to him rock, Listen to him rock Thank you, all you cats! Thank you, everybody! Hey, where did everybody go? Endsville, boss, that's what I said.
Endsville, just like that.
Right, Colonel.
Stop the machines, Tony.
Hi-Fye's had it.
It means the end of the line, Hi-Fye.
It's where the track comes together up on the pole.
But what happened? Who knows? These kids don't fool around.
You're in or you're out.
Besides, you're lucky.
You can go home now.
I got to start a tour with the kid that plays the bongos with his feet while he sings who's from Georgia, I hear.
It feels kind of good to be back home again, Barney.
Yeah, and we're lucky to get our old jobs back.
Anyway, the girls won't be giving us any more of that l-never-get-out-of-the-house routine.
No, sir, not after that trip we took across the country.
Wilma, I'm home.
Boy, that dinner looks good.
Brontosaurus stew, my favorite dish.
What? Tonight? Are you out of your mind? We are definitely not going out tonight, and that's final! Tonight! Nothing doing, Betty! And that's final! - Betty was ironing all day.
- Say no more, Barney.
So was Wilma.
You know, Barney, there's something about ironing all day that brings out the worst in women.
Yeah, but even the worst is pretty good, Fred.
Yeah, bless their you-never- take-me-out-anyplace little hearts.
Come on, Wilma, open this door!