Undeclared s01e15 Episode Script

Hey, uh, guys, could I ask you a question? I mean, I could be crazy, but, like, am I kind of lookin' good today? I kind of feel like I'm lookin' good.
OhYou do look good.
Yes! Thank you.
I thought so.
I put on my clothes, it's like some days I look ok, and some days I look like a fat old man, but, like, today, I'm, like, like a good-looking guy, right? Lloyd, ron's lookin' good.
Ron's lookin' really good.
Wow, you do look good.
That's odd.
I look great.
Yeah.
Am I looking good? Oh, my lord, no.
What happened to your face, man? It's just a pimple.
God.
Can you see out of that thing? [Telephone rings.]
Hello? [Deep voice.]
Neo, the oracle has spoken.
You are the chosen one.
Hold on a sec.
Hey, theo.
I mean, [imitating keanu reeves.]
Morpheus, what is the matrix? So how's high school goin'? High school still sucks.
Ah, come on, don't say that.
You're a senior now.
I know.
But now I'm getting hassled by all the juniors.
Some of 'em have gotten so huge.
Ah, man.
Ah, god.
Look, just hang in there, 'cause college is so awesome.
Yeah.
I want to come over there and visit so bad.
Yeah, that'd be great.
Anytime.
What about friday? Uh, yeah.
Ok.
Cool.
Uh, friday.
Friday's good.
Awesome.
Well [Deep voice.]
I'll see you friday, neo.
[Imitating keanu reeves.]
Ok, morpheus.
Have tank pilot the nebuchadnezzar [normal voice.]
To, uh, all right, so I will see you on friday, then.
Ok, bye.
Eric: You know, I realized that when I was with you, I really cut myself off to a lot of good people.
A lot of real solid good folks well want to hang out with me.
You know what the best thing about 'em is? Is they don't have sex with me and have sex with somebody else at the same time! Don't greg would never do that to me! Can we not go through this again? I mean, it's we can be friends.
Eech.
Who's that she talkin' to? We shouldn't talk on the phone 3 times a day.
Uh, uh, I think her dad.
What you're the one who broke up with me! I said I think we need to break up.
[Sighs.]
Do I not get to think? A person can't think and then decide, you know? Maybe I jumped the gun a little bit.
Lizzie: Are you telling me that you didn't break up with me? What the hell is this? Why are they still fighting? They're not even going out anymore.
They're just like whitney and bobby brown, so much passion, yet so much pain.
Lizzie: No, I am getting off the phone! Good-bye! [Sighs.]
Hey, lizzie, uh, what's, uh, what's goin' on? Nothin'.
I was just brushing my hair.
Oh.
Hey! Hey, you guys, did did you see this? Oh! Around-the-world party! This one's really the best party of the year, this thing.
They take over the entire floor, and then each room has refreshments from a different country.
Oh! It's on the seventh floor.
Remember, I told you about that girl on the seventh floor the angel? Oh, god! I-I'm still lookin' awesome, right? I'm gonna be the belle of this ball, baby.
This this is gonna be so bad-ass.
Dude, are you wearin' makeup? Yes, I am.
Rachel gave me some cover-up for my pimple, and then I I put a little under my eyes.
I I thought you looked less tired.
Thank you.
Steven, it's no big deal.
Your mom and I still fight.
Hell, we even get it on every once in a while.
Dad, god, you're not helping me.
Look, I'm sure you're a better boyfriend than he was.
I mean, you're a karp come on, you got the You got the karp ass.
Well, that's true, but, I mean he's, like, a man.
He's 6'4".
Really? Yes, really.
And he's got way more experience than I do.
I have no experience.
What I have is my imaginary ex-girlfriend carmen who moved away to maryland to help her sick brother or something like steven, just relax, will you? I'm a geek, dad.
I am such a geek.
Look, you just gotta treat her better than eric did.
That's impossible.
He was always makin' her stuff and sending her love letters with cool 3-d graphics.
I mean, like, he was really romantic.
So so you gotta be more romantic.
You gotta put her on a pedestal.
Come on.
RightRight.
Um, so, then, like, what were some things that mom always wanted you to do, but you never did? I don't know.
Learn to read minds.
Good, dad, thanks.
I'm gonna go to class.
The perfect date.
That's really cute.
Eric did this once.
He'd filled his ex-stepdad's hot tub with pink champagne.
[Giggles.]
That sounds like fun.
Well, I got a urinary tract infection But it was nice.
You think you're gonna get back together with eric? No.
I mean, I don't think so.
[Giggling.]
So I heard you're giving lizzie the perfect night of love.
Oh, that's right.
I'm gonna make her chicken parmesan, and then we're gonna watch the last boy scout.
[Laughs.]
Damon wayans is such a bad-ass.
The last boy scout and chicken parmesan? Steven, do you like dating lizzie? Well, obviously.
Yeah.
Why? Do you want to keep dating lizzie? 'Cause she's been brushing her hair a lot lately.
What? Yeah.
I've just been telling everybody you guys are headed for a disaster.
Well, you never said that to me.
I'm saying it now, ok? Just, please, let us help you, or else you're really gonna get hurt.
Well, why do you want to help me so much? Because we hate eric.
And we like you.
Neo There is no spoon.
Zoom! Zoom! Zoom! Zoom! Ha.
Wow.
Excuse us.
What the hell are you doing? I thought you said you were coming on friday.
Today is friday.
You said friday this morning.
That's today.
Why didn't you just say today? God, everyone is so mean to me lately.
You know, you'd think under the current climate, people would be nicer.
We're all americans.
I'm not being mean.
It's just that tonight, I kind of have a date with my girlfriend.
You have a girlfriend? Since when do you even talk to girls? Why didn't you tell me about your girlfriend? Things are different at college.
Yeah, apparently.
I was gonna tell you, you know, it Look, you know I guarantee you'll have a good time tonight.
Ok? You know what I'll do? I'll hook you up with my roommates.
They're really, really nice guys, and they'll show you what college is about.
It's awesome.
It'll be wicked.
No! Please? No! Please? No! I need this.
No way, man.
We're trying to hook up with some birds tonight, and marshall's zit is enough of an obstacle.
I know, but this is really, really important.
I could lose lizzie.
You don't make her dinner? That doesn't make any sense.
I'm not just cooking her dinner, ok? It's a perfect night of love.
I can't have a perfect night of love if my goofy high-school friend is hanging around the whole time.
Boom shaka-laka.
It sounds like a perfect night of love to me For me to poop on.
Ha ha.
You guys really suck, you know? Great.
All right, man, we'll take keanu with us, but he better be able to keep up, you know? You know, around the world that happens once a year.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
I really appreciate this.
Bi-atch.
Yeah.
Whipped cream.
Well, I think I have enough condoms For tonight.
Hi.
Which massage oil is better, heat activated or edible? Wine, cheese, and roses and candles, and, ah, man, this is gonna be, like, the most specialest night ever.
Eric can bite my dust.
Whoa! Whoo! Steven: Oh, my god.
College girls like the guy that hangs around in the background.
Do you know what I mean, like the cool, quiet guy? Yeah, you, too, marshall.
So just chill out, you know.
Don't embarrass your zit.
Dude, shut up about my zit.
It's not funny anymore.
It's getting old.
No, it doesn't get old, is the thing.
It's as fresh as the pus in your zit.
[Laughing.]
Ron: Ooh-whee! Take me to jail.
Hello there.
Whoo.
Wicked! All right, boys, let's strike while the ron's hot.
Hey, sweetness.
Ha ha ha.
[Knock on door.]
[Sighs.]
Uh, welcome.
Won't you come in? You see what I'm saying? And and and that is why freddie got fingered.
Ha.
Yeah, theo, I know.
I just didn't get it.
You weren't supposed to get it.
That was the whole point of the movie.
I mean, it was a radical anti-comedy.
Did you even see it? Guys! Guys! That's her.
Why don't you stay anyway? No.
So I'll see you guys a little later.
Bye.
Oh, this looks like Look at her scampering around.
She's like a little bunny.
Oh, man, don't have sex with the bunny.
All right.
Watch and take notes, theo, my lad.
I'll see you 4 later.
4? [Laughs.]
Mr.
Zit.
[Laughs.]
Shut up, man! Hey, tiger.
How are you doing? "Tigers.
" Huh.
Um Would you like a drink? Uh, no, thanks.
I'm about to get outta here and do some work.
[Scottish accent.]
Oh, come on.
I was thinking of a wee trip to scotland for a single-malt dram.
Would you care to join me, lassie? I kind of wanted to go the norway room.
Norway! Great, but cold.
Very cold.
I think I should come with you, keep you warm.
Ok.
The look of love is in your eyes [heavy metal plays.]
The look of lo-ove it's saying so much more [heavy metal plays.]
How long I have waited waited just to love you now that I have found you go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! I love you so [yelling and cheering.]
Yeah! Yeah! You're the man! You're the man! Ha ha ha! Yeah! Aah! Freak show! Yeah! You're drinking beer! You're drinking beer! Ha ha ha! Whoo-hoo-hoo! You're drinking beer! Hey! Zit man.
How's it going? [Slurring.]
Your zit has its has its own zip code.
Zit code.
This isn't really the time, theo.
Right.
It's a time to hang out with a guy with a big zit on his face and an ugly guy who thinks he's really good-looking.
That's you.
Ha.
Hey, uh, theo, you know how we said we were gonna get you some girls tonight? Yeah.
And you know the girl that lloyd's talking to? Yeah.
She's so hot.
She is so hot, right? And she told me what you were doing to the boozlers there, that she thinks that you are hot.
You're the man.
Yeah? Oh, my god, yes.
She doesn't even like lloyd.
No.
And you know what? I just remembered.
It's the craziest thing, is that she told me that she loves freddy's got fingers.
Yeah? Yeah.
Get outta here.
You get outta here.
Go get her! Yeah! See you later, zit.
Ha ha.
What are you thinking about? I just am realizing how much I don't know about you.
Oh, come on.
That's not your fault.
I've always been a private guy Which is probably why I was so popular in high school, just 'cause everyone's always interested in me, you know? Were you super popular? Oh, god, I hate that word.
No, I was well liked.
Hmm.
Come on.
You can't have that much work to do? What major are you? Pre-law.
Pre-law! Great! I need a lawyer.
Why? I don't know yet.
But I just have this feeling that I'm gonna get into trouble for something.
[Laughs.]
Listen, we could go to your room and discuss the merits of my case.
That's kind of like studying.
Sure, but you don't think nina will mind? I won't mind if nina don't mind.
Nina was my roommate.
I don't think I know nina.
Remember, she consoled you that night you were so lonely and homesick? And then you had sex with her and never talked to her again.
Nina! Nina! Oh, right.
Yeah.
How is nina? Well, maybe you'd know if you ever called her or talked to her.
Come on hi.
Theo, not now.
It's ok.
I'm here for her.
How's it going? I'm theo.
Hey.
I'm evie.
Hi, theo.
Oh, my god, it's heath ledger.
Hey, I just saw heather graham leaving.
Oh, no, she just left you.
[Laughs.]
You know, the only difference between your name and hers is e.
R.
, which is a really good show.
You want me to get rid of this guy? Would you, please? You know, maybe we should just go to the brazil room.
You know I'm very, very good at capoeira, the brazilian art of fight dancing.
Well, I would be delighted.
Oh.
Oh! But, uh, just one.
I do have some work to do.
Well, now you say just one, later you say just wonderful.
You know, I loved freddy got fingered, too.
Oh, yeah? [Telephone rings.]
Hello? Hey, rache, it's eric.
Is lizzie there? Uh, no.
She's not here.
[Sighs.]
She's out with steven, isn't she? No! No, she's not out with steven.
Yeah, she is.
Just tell me she's out with steven.
Don't lie, rache, just tell me she's out with steven.
She's not out with steven.
I don't know where she is.
Rachel, you're lying to me.
I know you too well.
You can't lie to me.
Just tell me she's out with steven so I can be done with it.
She's not out with steven! You're lying, rachel! I know you too well.
Don't lie to me.
Just tell me if she's out with steven hello.
He wants to talk to you.
Who the hell is this? It's tina.
I live here.
No, you don't.
Yes, I do.
Wait a minute, this is steven, isn't it? Steven? Oh, nice try, minuteman.
Hey, let me tell you somethin', steven! You better watch out, 'cause bye-bye.
[New age music plays.]
Mmm.
Hey, try this.
Say "ahhh.
" [Voice vibrating.]
Ahhhh [Both laughing.]
Theo! Wow, look at you, you're like patrick swayze over here.
I thought you had schoolwork to do? What do you care? Hey, you know, heath, the queen wants you back at suckingham palace.
[Laughs.]
Ha ha ha.
This kid's a crack-up.
Excuse me just one second.
You want to do me a favor, mate? You want to go find marshall and ron for me? Why? I have a chance here.
You don't have a chance here, mate.
And you're screwing up what little chance I have.
But marshall and ron said that she thought I was cute.
Theo, they only said that because they thought it be funny to screw with you.
She doesn't like freddy got fingered? Theo, nobody liked freddy got fingered.
You guys are worse than the juniors.
I hate you.
Where's theo going? Oh, he had to go back to annoying-land.
[Laughs.]
Look, about nina Mm-hmm? Yeah, I didn't call her back, but it was just one of those drunken party things, you know? Well, I'll make sure I don't make the same mistake.
Just give me a chance.
Please? Can we start over? I'm lloyd.
Oh, you're that guy who had sex with my roommate and was mean to that high-school kid.
Pleased to meet you.
I'm leaving.
[Both laughing.]
I, uh, I think this side is done, so if you would like to turn over, uh, now would be a good time.
Ok.
Steven! Outside! Now! Aah! Whoa, boobs.
Theo, damn it! You know this guy? Why did you abandon me, man? Ok, listen, now is really not the time.
Well, then when is the time? You know, we used to be best friends, and now you leave me with your jerkmates, just like you left me in high school for a whole year by myself just 'cause I'm born in november.
What? No, dude, we're still friends.
No, now that you have your first girlfriend, everything's changed.
You know, I was dancing with a really hot girl upstairs 10 minutes ago Hotter than her.
I'm your first girlfriend? What about carmen? Who's carmen? Steven's old girlfriend.
That girl.
Oh, that's, uh that's my sister! You made my sister out to be your imaginary girlfriend? Ucch! So I guess now we're even for the zit jokes.
Ron made zit jokes, too, marshall.
Why don't you ruin his life? 'Cause there's nothing to ruin.
Yeah.
True say, right? Why don't you just get another girl? It'll take you 8 seconds.
I don't want another girl, ron.
I want evie.
And you know what, fellas? I'm gonna get her.
And you can try all the moronic little pranks you want.
They don't faze me.
I'll get her.
It's time.
I'm popping it.
No! Dude, get off get off the get off the zit! I'm doing it! Uhh! Steven, I don't care if you never had a girlfriend.
You didn't have to do all this.
Really? Yeah, and tonight was really great, but eric used to do stuff like this a lot, and sometimes it was a little creepy.
Then why do you keep talking to him on the phone? 'Cause he calls, like 5 times a day, and if I don't answer, he calls 50 times a day.
But it means nothing.
Ok.
And theo, look I'm sorry that I blew you off.
That's ok.
I actually had a really awesome time tonight.
I danced with a really hot girl, and I almost touched her butt twice and she didn't even get mad.
And then I saw your boobs, which was sweet.
If a geeky guy like you can make it in college, imagine how well a guy like me will do.
He was always the geek in high school.
[Laughs.]
Hey, none of us were perfect in high school.
So you were a geek.
Everybody was something.
I was a slut.
What? I was a slut.
Can I have your phone number? [Laughs.]
Come on.
That was funny.
# Hava nagila vey nismakha # # hava nagila # # hava nagila # # hava nagila # # vey nismekha # Www.
Ncicap.
Org [people talking and laughing.]
There's only dudes in this room.
Yeah, let's just let's just back out.
[Chuckles.]