Who's the Boss? (1984) s01e15 Episode Script

Here we are.
Frosty, Rudolph, Slushpuppy! Yeah! Oh, you are soaking wet! What happened? Richard Welling flipped my sleigh over.
- Oh, sweetheart.
- It's okay, Mom.
We nailed him with a zillion snowballs, didn't we, Tony? - We? - Well, you know the kid wore himself out making them, so somebody had to throw them.
You threw snowballs at a sixth grader? Yeah, that's a big kid, Angela.
He's going through elementary schooI on the GI Bill.
- Besides, he started it.
- Upstairs.
Get out of those clothes.
That sounds great, but I've got to get dinner- No, I'm kidding.
You, upstairs.
Take a nice hot bubble bath.
Hey, wait for me, Grover! Don't let that dog eat the soap again.
He was barking bubbles for weeks, that dog.
I got it, I got it.
Don't look now, man, but your muffler's moving.
- Who are you? - Who am I? Who are you? Don't tell me, another door-to-door snake salesman? - MichaeI.
- Hi, Angela.
- You know the guy? - Here we are, the boas from BraziI.
I guess maybe I should have called first? You're not big on drop-in guests.
- Angela? - What? Now, don't be like that.
Look, it's just a harmless little boa constrictor.
I'll put him away.
You're missing the point, MichaeI.
The snake is welcome here.
Isn't she a cutie, huh? Crawled into my sleeping bag one night in the Amazon.
- That's very funny, MichaeI.
- Yeah, she's my main squeeze.
Hey, Angela, who is this clown? Tony, this is MichaeI Bower.
Wait a minute.
Bower? Bower is your name.
That's where I got it.
This clown is my husband.
- Husband? - Yeah, you know, husband.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got the picture.
Wait a minute.
- Angela, you said you were divorced.
- I don't think I ever said that, Tony - because I'm not.
Not yet.
- Yeah, okay, okay.
Wait a minute.
When I moved in, you told me your husband left you.
You never brought him up again.
I didn't think it was anything you needed to know.
I'm beginning to understand what's going on here.
- You are the reason for this.
- What? I come out of the jungle after six months.
I haven't even taken a shower, and some lawyer knocks on my door to serve me with divorce papers.
Now I understand why.
Mike, you've got this all wrong.
I'm Angela's- Your wife's housekeeper.
- Come on, you can do better than that.
- No, I mean it.
Look, I've got dishpan hands.
Look, I got Tony, you don't owe MichaeI any explanation.
- What we do is none of his business.
- Angela, we don't do anything.
- Well, we could if we wanted to.
- Yeah- yeah? Okay.
Okay, so if he's not your boyfriend, then why this? That's the way it works.
First, you get separated then get divorced.
Don't take it personally.
- Couldn't we have talked about it first? - Same old story.
- Who knew where you were? - I called you when I was making - that documentary from Kenya.
- That was nine months ago.
Boy, has it been that long? Gee, time really flies when you're waiting for a couple of hippos to mate.
First of all, they gotta fall in love.
Then you've got to find a Chevy - with a back seat that's big enough.
- You missed your son's birthday.
- What do you think the snake is for? - Yeah, yeah.
Jonathan likes snakes.
You couldn't just find a Cabbage Patch doll? - Hi, I'm home.
- Hi.
- Oh, hi.
- Hi.
- Thanks for the leg warmers, Angela.
- You're welcome.
You can keep them.
- Thanks.
- Give me a kiss.
I know I've been away a long time, but isn't Jonathan a 7-year-old boy? This is Samantha, Tony's daughter.
- Hi.
- Hi.
You live here? - Yeah, yeah.
We both do.
- Well, here we are one big happy family, huh? Yeah, yeah, Tarzan meets The Brady Bunch.
Samantha, this is MichaeI Bower, my husband.
- Husband? - Yeah.
No, no, no - Very nice to meet you, Mr.
Bower.
- That's a good girI.
You punk, you! I'll get you yet, Richard Welling! Mona, be carefuI.
That kid could be dangerous if he had better aim.
You see? He missed you completely.
- I'll kill him.
I'll kill him.
- No, no, Tony.
Never mind.
Forget it.
Actually, I started it this time.
Well, if it isn't Indiana Jones.
Come on, Mom.
Look, what do you say, let's bury the hatchet.
Don't tempt me.
Look, I even brought you a present.
What? I see you're still travelling with the same crowd.
Well, I guess it's unanimous.
I don't think there is one person here who's happy to see you.
Hey, Tony, where's-? - Daddy! - Hey, little tiger! - Isn't he great? - Yeah.
- Can we call him Fred? - Well, we could but he probably wouldn't like it.
You see, he's a she.
- How can you tell it's a she? - By her long eyelashes her curvaceous figure and her forked tongue.
Jonathan, if you are through playing with your cold-blooded friends I think it's time for bed.
Come on, I'll tuck you in.
I want Daddy to.
It's still the room at the top of the stairs.
Okay, tiger, what do you say? How about a piggyback? - Think you can carry me? - Daddy.
Okay, here we go.
- Good night, Mom.
- Good night, Mom.
- Hey, how's the snake? - He's putting Jonathan to bed.
That's right, dear, vent those hostilities.
Oh, I'm not hostile, Mother.
Just because I take care of my son day after day and then MichaeI waltzes in here once a year with some exotic gift for Jonathan and Jonathan worships the ground he walks on! Well, as long as you're not hostile.
Hey, Angela, Angela, let me cut it for you.
Mona's grown accustomed to her ears.
Boy, Jonathan went out like a light.
- Hey, is Sam sleeping? - No, no.
She's watching some movie about bloodsucking puppets.
- She's in big trouble.
- I wouldn't let my kid watch that either.
What, are you kidding me? I told her to call me when it started.
Well, I guess I'd better hit the books.
I have a finaI tomorrow.
Mona, you finally did it, huh? You went back to college.
Gee, that's terrific.
Knowledge is its own reward, isn't it? No, the reward is the spring break in Fort Lauderdale.
Same old Mona.
Same old MichaeI.
Make that jerk sign those divorce papers.
So signed any good divorce papers lately? No, I'm trying to cut down.
I don't have a pen.
Good night, mother.
Angela, are you sure you want a divorce? The lawyer went to all this trouble MichaeI, we have seen each other twice in a year.
That does not make a happy marriage.
Look on the bright side.
We've only had two fights.
Angela, divorce, it sounds so finaI.
Well, MichaeI, this was your decision.
You're the one who left.
Now, that's not quite fair.
I asked you to come with me.
Jonathan was 6 years old and you wanted us to move to the jungle and teach gorillas to talk.
Okay, so it didn't work.
They're pretty good little dancers, though.
Angela, come on, Jonathan would have loved it.
And besides, I won an award for that documentary.
You won an award.
Your career.
What about my career? It was finally starting to work.
Writing jingles for yodelling donuts? I will have you know that that campaign had this entire country dunking! And yodelling! I am very good at what I do.
That is why they made me the president.
- President? Of- Of- - Of Wallace and McQuaid.
That's right.
I am queen of the jingle, jungle man.
Wait a minute.
I knew you were good, but president Wow.
I didn't know you had it in you.
That's because you never looked.
Well, I'm looking now.
I'm impressed.
I- I'm proud of you, Angela.
Thank you, MichaeI.
So now that you're a big shot, you want to dump me, huh? No, MichaeI.
It's just It's just not the kind of relationship that I had planned.
Call me sentimentaI.
I thought my husband and I would live in the same hemisphere.
All my assignments aren't that far away.
Remember when you came to Texas with me? Remember that incredible west Texas sunset? That case of Mexican tequila? And the two-man sleeping bag.
You know, I'd rather share my bedroll with you than any snake I ever met.
Well, you sure know how to sweet-talk a girI, MichaeI.
Angela, I really do miss you.
MichaeI, you can't live like this, and I can't live like that.
So it's over.
Right.
Oh, Angela! Good boy, Grove.
You finished with the sports page? Okay, stay.
Let's go Jonathan, 6:45, rise and shine! - Morning, Dad.
- You beat me, huh? Breakfast in 20 minutes.
Good girI.
Come on, Jonathan, let's hit it, let's move it, let's do it! The kid's nothing untiI he has his first cup of Ovaltine.
Angela? Rise and shine! Time to sell all those things to America they can't afford! What the hell's going on here? Hi.
Dad, you're supposed to beat the eggs, not mug them.
What? Hold your horses untiI they're done.
They're done.
All right, okay.
Excuse me.
- Good morning.
- I'll bet.
- What was that? - Nothing.
Nothing, Angela.
- Would you like some eggs? - No, Tony.
I always have just juice and coffee.
Yeah, I know, but I figured this morning you might have an appetite.
What is that supposed to mean? Look, I'm just a housekeeper here- I'm just a housekeeper here.
Hear no eviI, see no eviI, speak no eviI.
Mom, what's all the whispering about? Nothing, dear.
Just keep chewing.
What do you mean, eviI? Look, I may be way out of line here, but I don't want to see you get hurt.
- I think you're moving a little too fast.
- Tony, we're married.
Yeah, but you're engaged to be divorced.
Well, last night, I don't know what happened.
One minute I was asking him to sign the divorce papers and the next minute, it seemed inappropriate.
Inappropriate, huh? - I hope you know what you're doing.
- So do I.
Wow, something smells good.
Daddy, what are you doing here? He wanted to show up bright and early to have breakfast with you, buddy! Aren't those the same clothes you wore yesterday? I'd like to kill you.
I like these clothes.
These are my favourite clothes.
- Morning, Angela.
- Good morning, MichaeI.
Sleep okay? Fine.
Yes.
Well, you know, nothing unusuaI.
- How did you sleep? - Fine, just fine.
We all slept fine.
- Can I get you something for breakfast? - Don't bother, I'll do it myself.
Where are the bowls? I moved them over here, closer to the dishwasher.
Yeah, but over here they're closer to the Crunchy Crawlers.
What happened to the Crunchy Crawlers? Daddy, Crunchy Crawlers are just empty calories.
- That's what Tony says.
- I just And he's right.
I could beat up some more eggs for you.
No, I'll just have some juice.
- Is that still kept in the refrigerator? - Yeah, but it's on a different shelf.
Hey, am I going to see you tonight, Daddy? Well, I was thinking about taking us all out to dinner tonight.
Hey, that's great! Isn't that, Sam? Yeah, that means Dad won't have to cook.
Well, actually, I- I meant just the family.
Well, Tony and Samantha are our family.
- Yes, you're welcome to come with us.
- No, no, that's okay.
Thanks very much, but me and Samantha we have plans.
Right, Samantha? Oh, right, plans.
We've had them for months.
Months, months.
Where are you going? Bago Burger, Videoville, the hockey game and then we'll stop by Pie City for something to eat.
Right, Dad? Right, Samantha.
Tony, are you ready? Lately I'm ready for anything.
Oh, yeah? Holy moly! I wasn't ready.
Well, it's Mona the Magnificent, huh? Watch out, Fort Lauderdale.
No wonder that's where the boys are.
Thank you, thank you.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Mother, you're wearing a bathing suit.
What? How did it get on me? I just meant isn't it a little revealing? I certainly hope so.
No mother, I meant, you know, your delicate skin.
You know how you burn.
Well, I'll only wear it at night, dear.
Good.
Tony, would you set another place for dinner? MichaeI will be over.
Oh, gee, what a surprise.
Well, don't worry about him.
He's been here two days in a row.
For him, that's a record.
Pretty soon he'll be hearing the call of the wild.
I think I heard that last night.
Really? Annette Funicello? Take a Skippy break, huh? So where is everybody? Some of us are here.
Who did you have in mind? Well, is Angela home? She'll be out in one minute, give or take 15 seconds.
- What are you doing? - It's Friday.
Angela always has a very dry martini, straight up.
Oh, yes.
Two olives.
Well, I don't think she's going to want a martini tonight.
Well, I wouldn't pop my cork just yet, MichaeI.
- Hi, honey.
- That must be you.
Hi, sweetheart.
- How was your day? - Just beginning.
- How about a touch of the bubbly? - Oh, MichaeI, that looks divine.
- No, I think I'd rather have that.
- Straight up, two olives.
Well, darling, we can save this for a speciaI occasion.
Well, I just happen to have one.
The Geographic Institute has given me a very speciaI new assignment.
A new assignment? Oh, I'm so sorry you have to leave.
I suppose you'll be catching the 8: 10 yak to Tibet? - MichaeI, where are you going? - To a bizarre little island where hostile creatures scurry through underground tunnels.
It's called Manhattan.
MichaeI, you're going to be working in New York? Yeah, I've finally accepted that desk job.
You are looking at the new head of the documentary department.
Oh, darling, that's terrific.
Yeah, yeah, that's terrific.
Does that mean you're going to be moving in? Angela? Well, of course that's what it means.
Boy, oh, boy, that's great.
That's really great.
Open the champagne, MichaeI.
I guess I won't be needing this.
I will.
Let me have a sip.
- Hi.
How are you doing? - Tony, you're quite a housekeeper.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, I grew up watching a lot of Hazel.
I bet there are a lot of houses around here that could use you.
Well, you know, there's not enough of me to go around.
Well, maybe we ought to give someone else a turn.
Wait a minute.
What are you-? What are you saying? Tony, look, you're not just a housekeeper.
You're Jonathan's father, Angela's friend and that's supposed to be my job now.
You know, it's funny.
It sounds like you're giving me two weeks notice.
If you need that long.
Look, I'm sorry, Tony.
We'll give you a good recommendation, okay? I've got to go to the hoteI, pick up the rest of my gear.
- Yeah, but- - See you.
This never happened to HazeI.
I'm in the mood for love Simply because- Tony, I thought maybe we could start our spring cleaning early.
Sure, squeeze the last drop of blood out of the old workhorse.
I thought if we cleaned the garage, we could store MichaeI's stuff there.
As soon as my stuff's out, there will be plenty of room.
- What are you talking about? - Didn't MichaeI tell you? - He let me go.
- Let you go where? Anywhere I want, Angela.
Get it up to speed.
I'm out, I'm fired, I'm canned.
- Who does he think he is? - Your husband, remember? Well, that doesn't give him the right to- - Don't worry.
I'll take care of this.
- No, Angela, wait.
You know, he's right.
I don't belong here.
Tony, this is your home.
No, no, it's his home, and you're his family.
No.
You're not going.
Angela, you decided to give your marriage a second chance, right? - Right.
- Then give it a chance.
If MichaeI says I'm in the way, I'm in the way.
- Well, I don't think so.
- Angela, not many people get a second chance at marriage.
It's happening for you You don't need some hairy Italian in an apron - hanging around screwing it up.
- Tony, you can't leave.
Why not? Well Who's going to save us from Richard Welling and his ballistic snowballs? Look, Angela, if you don't fire me, I've got to quit.
I've got to.
I don't know what to say.
How about, " I'll give you two weeks' severance pay"? You got it.
How about three? - That's the joke, you know.
- Yeah.
- I'll miss you.
- Hey, we're going to keep in touch.
Right.
Right, we're going to keep in touch.
Well