Young Sheldon (2017) s01e15 Episode Script

1 What are you doing? I heard you could punch a hole in these and make them double-sided.
Then it would have more storage? Yes, but I didn't pay for a double-sided floppy disk.
So? So it's an ethical dilemma.
We have to take a shower in the locker room next period, and that's what you're worried about? Actually, I have a bathing suit under my pants.
Whoa.
That girl just took a book on geostatistics.
Yeah, so? That's not required reading for any science course.
Maybe she wants to squash a spider with it.
No, look, she's reading it.
Who is this mystery woman? Should we invite her to have lunch with us? I don't know.
So far, it's just been you and me, and we know that works.
Do we really want to mess with success? We could think of it as an experiment.
Oh, you do know how to push my buttons.
All right, go ask her.
Why me? Your lack of testosterone makes you adorable to women.
I can't argue with that.
Hello.
Hello.
My name is Sheldon.
Yeah, you're Sheldon Cooper.
You know who I am? Well, there's only one nine-year-old in high school, and you still have your baby teeth.
She knows who I am.
It's going well.
What do you want? Would you like to have lunch with me and my friend? Why? Why else? So we can have a spirited conversation about geostatistics.
You really are as smart as everybody says.
My teeth are small, but my prefrontal cortex is enormous.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
Nobody else is stronger than I am Yesterday I moved a mountain I bet I could be your hero I am a mighty little man ADULT SHELDON: The addition of Libby brought a level of sophistication to our lunchtime discussion.
Her mom also packed extra string cheese, which is a well-known social lubricant.
You're gonna be a geologist.
That's fascinating.
Why'd you choose that? When I was a little girl, my grandparents took me to Carlsbad Caverns, and I was hooked.
Exploring caves, that is super cool.
Disagree.
Dark, enclosed spaces are terrifying.
I get scared putting on a sweatshirt.
- Hmm.
- I've seen it.
Pretty entertaining.
Do you know what you're going to major in in college? I'm leaning towards quantum chromodynamics, but who knows? A few years ago, I would've said choo-choo trains.
What about you? Oh, geology for sure.
Hmm.
Really? When did you decide that? A long time ago.
Eat your apple slices.
So we eat in the library every day.
You're welcome to join us.
It's much better than the cafeteria.
It's quiet, and a lot less food gets thrown at us.
Yeah.
Maybe I'll see y'all tomorrow.
Right.
Maybe y'all will.
Bye, Libby.
"Y'all"? I'm assimilating.
Shut up.
[SHELDON SIGHS.]
[INSECTS TRILLING.]
So how was school today? Sheldon's got a girlfriend.
- What? - SHELDON: That's not true.
Oh, yes, it is.
I seen him talking to her at school.
Sheldon Lee Cooper, you dog.
Is she cute? Compared to what? What grade is she in? Eleventh.
An older woman.
Nice.
Most everybody's older than me.
Why is that nice? [CHUCKLES.]
So what do you think, George? Is it time to have "the talk" with him? What talk? No talk.
Nobody's talking.
If "the talk" is in regards to human reproduction, I already understand how that works.
How do you know that? I told him.
[MEEMAW CHUCKLES.]
Oh, Lord.
[LAUGHS.]
ADULT SHELDON: And so, our little social circle grew from two to three.
An early example of how people are just drawn to me.
Are you saying that without geology, there'd be no theory of evolution? Charles Lyell taught Charles Darwin the Earth was much, much older than anyone thought, which gave Darwin the courage to figure out all species evolved over billions of years.
That's good.
I can use that to humiliate my pastor at Sunday school.
I don't know what's more beautiful, your mind or your eyes.
Tam, please.
We're eating.
You know spying on kids is creepy.
I wasn't spying on kids, I was s-spying on your brother.
Why won't you just go inside? Well, then, it wouldn't be spying, now would it? Oh.
Oh, what? You didn't mention she was black.
Was I supposed to? No, 'course not.
Then why bring it up? It just wasn't what I was expecting.
What were you expecting? It's a big school.
Why are you right here? They've got some books in there about Martin Luther King.
Maybe you should go read one.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGING.]
Morning.
So why did it take people so long to believe in continental drift, when it's obvious that Africa and South America - fit together like a puzzle? - No, they don't.
People didn't understand continental drift because they didn't understand seafloor spreading.
What? I'm both threatened and delighted by your brain.
I'm just delighted by it.
They do fit.
That's nuts.
"Geologists lead a sedimentary lifestyle.
" Libby, that is a good one.
Can you believe what's going on with him? [LAUGHING.]
: I know.
He's been on the phone with that girl for almost an hour.
Sheldon's got a girlfriend.
What are the odds? She's not a girlfriend, it's more of a mental rapport.
That's where it starts.
I did win you over with my superior intellect.
It was your motorcycle and you know it.
Good thing it wasn't your masculine physique, because that is long gone.
[CHUCKLING.]
Why do you think I kept the motorcycle? How come he gets to tie up the phone and I can't? Because what is happening in there is called a miracle, and God-fearing people do not get in the way of those.
GEORGE SR.
: Hey, Georgie, if you ever find a girlfriend, maybe you can go on a double date with your brother.
She's not his girlfriend.
And I can find one I'm just not looking.
SHELDON: Yes, that was a geology joke.
We gotta get that Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue away from him before he's ruined forever.
[CHUCKLES.]
SHELDON: Oh, Libby, Libby, Libby.
What is happening? ADULT SHELDON: What was happening was, like many men before me, I was being seduced by the exotic world of geology.
I want to rock Rock I want to rock Rock I want to rock Rock Turn it down We searched for tektites in a nearby ravine.
Tektites are natural glass formed during meteorite impacts.
They also bear a close resemblance to raccoon feces, so I wisely adopted a "no touching tektites" policy.
No So if you ask me It's called perfect cleavage when gypsum separates this cleanly.
I was so proud of Tam for not making an immature cleavage joke.
Look at me, I'm touching cleavage.
Until he made one.
And, like Mother Nature's piñata, geodes contained a secret surprise inside.
But you didn't have to suffer through a birthday party to enjoy it.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.]
How's it going? Well, I think I figured out the problem.
- What is it? - [METAL CLATTERS.]
I'm a terrible mechanic.
- What's up? - Well, Sheldon's been spending quite a bit of time with this Libby girl, lately.
Yeah, so? So isn't he a little young to be hanging with teenagers? Oh, he's only young on the outside.
Inside, he's an old man.
I'm being serious.
So am I.
And with that bowtie, he's old on the outside, too.
Sorry I bothered.
Hang on.
What did you think was gonna happen when we sent him to high school? I don't know, that he'd learn stuff, and then, come back home and be my baby forever.
Mare, it's good for him.
He may start college in a couple years, what happens then? Off the top of my head, he and I share a dorm room.
You know I'd laugh at that if I didn't kind of believe you.
What are you doing? I need to use the bathroom, but it can get uncivilized in there.
Anyone in there now? I don't know.
I was afraid to find out.
Anybody in here? Go ahead.
I'll stand guard.
Where have you been all my life? I don't think so.
I gotta pee.
That's your problem.
Keep moving.
- Thank you.
- Happy to help.
Is there any chance you'd be available to stand guard at 1:45? You have a bathroom schedule? You don't? See you later.
ADULT SHELDON: Whoever said the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach did not consider his tiny bladder.
I think the best space shuttle name so far is Discovery.
What about Challenger? - Too in-your-face.
- Atlantis? A fictional island that couldn't stay afloat? I don't think so.
- There's the Enterprise.
- There is, and it's on Star Trek, where it belongs.
LIBBY: You know they're playing a space shuttle movie at the Museum of Natural Science.
- It's in IMAX.
- I heard about that.
- The screen is supposed to be huge.
- They also have a great geology exhibit.
Well, it's in Houston - How are we gonna get there? - I'll drive.
Oh, I would love to see a movie with you.
Don't you need to ask your parents first? - No, Sheldon, I don't.
- But won't they worry where you are? They'll be fine.
Count me in.
Glad you're not my son.
[SLURPING.]
And now he wants to see a movie in Houston with them.
Why Houston? I don't know, it's in MixMax or something.
So you're saying I got to drive to Houston? No.
This girl Libby's gonna drive.
Great.
It's not great, George.
I don't want my little boy in some car with a teenager behind the wheel.
All high school kids drive.
Yeah? Well, I don't like it.
Would you let me get in a car with a stranger when I was young? Well, nobody ever asked you out, so it didn't really matter.
[CHUCKLES.]
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS.]
Hey.
I want to talk to you.
Hold on.
Let me bring this into the station so as not to disappoint my commuters.
They'd like to get home to their families.
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS.]
I gave it a lot of thought, and I'm afraid I can't allow you to drive to Houston with your friends.
Why? Well, honey, you're still a little boy.
I don't think it's right.
I'm not a little boy.
I'm a high school student.
I'm sorry, I made up my mind.
If you'd really like to see this movie, I'm willing to drive you.
Maybe we could meet your friends there.
I don't want my mommy to take me.
Well, then, you're not going.
ADULT SHELDON: Anger is an ugly emotion.
Unbridled rage even more so.
And when it bubbled up inside me, I channeled it the only way I knew how.
We're not gonna take it I cleaned the house like a man possessed.
We're not gonna take it Anymore We've got the right to choose it There ain't no way we'll lose it This is our life This is our song I can't hear Oprah! I don't care! Don't pick our destiny Sheldon, I need to get in there.
Poop at Meemaw's! Oh, we're not gonna take it [DEEP SQUEAKING.]
We're not gonna take it Anymore You missed a spot, weirdo.
I see it.
Your gall is never-ending We don't want nothin' Not a thing from you [GRUNTS.]
Your life What am I supposed to do with this? [SHELDON GRUNTS.]
Send him over to my house before he runs out of gas.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- [SIGHS.]
[GRUNTS.]
All right, I'll make a deal with you.
I'm listening.
You can go to Houston with your friends, but I want to meet this girl first.
That's very reasonable.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Now, can you please reach the dryer sheets? I get vertigo on the step stool.
ADULT SHELDON: I've often been accused of being stubborn and willful, but sometimes it works like gangbusters.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Please come in.
Have a seat.
You have a beautiful home.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
I hope you'll forgive me, I just wanted to meet the person driving my nine-year-old son to Houston.
- I understand.
- Me, too.
I wasn't talking to you, Tam.
And I just wanted to make certain that you've had no traffic tickets or, heaven forbid, accidents.
No, ma'am.
I'm a very safe driver.
- You've got nothing to worry about.
- Good.
Good.
Have you made this trip before? - A few times, yes.
- Mm-hmm.
You smoke marijuana? - Mom! - No, ma'am.
Just say no.
[SIGHS.]
: Well I find this very reassuring.
I have to admit, I had some trepidation, but having met you, I'm feeling a lot better.
Good.
You've got nothing to worry about, Mrs.
Cooper.
I've been babysitting kids for years.
LIBBY [ECHOING.]
: Babysitting babysitting [DEEP, DISTORTED.]
: Babysitting.
Babysitting babysitting I've been babysitting kids for years.
Excuse me.
I don't feel well.
They'll have to go without me.
[SHELDON PANTING.]
[CRYING QUIETLY.]
MARY: Shelly, you okay? No.
You want to talk about it? No.
You want me to leave you alone? No.
I thought Libby and I were equals, but she thinks of me as a child.
I'm sorry, baby.
Calling me that isn't helping right now.
Right.
Sorry.
She is almost twice your age.
There are people five times my age that are stupider than me.
This is not about being smart.
- What else is there? - Well there's other kinds of maturity.
What's up? None of your business.
Why is he crying? Again, it's none of your business.
Please go.
Fine.
Celeste and I know when we aren't wanted.
Where were we? Different kinds of maturity.
That's right.
[SIGHS.]
There's emotional maturity, physical maturity, all things that have nothing to do with being smart.
Are you suggesting I'm not emotionally mature? I was hinting at it.
Regardless, I'm not interested in making any more friends.
Oh, I don't think that's how you really feel.
It is.
From now on, it's a hermit's life for me.
I bet, when you grow up, you will be surrounded by lots of smart, wonderful friends.
I can't see that happening.
Well, the Lord works in mysterious ways.
And here we go with the God talk.
[EXHALES.]
Hey.
Hey.
How was the IMAX movie? Well MAN: Okay, status.
Find them? Go.
Guidance What are you doing? [WHISPERS.]
: What do you think I'm doing? Move your arm before I rip it off.
It got a little uncomfortable.
Why is that? Libby's got feelings for me, but I think it's better we just stay friends.
[SIGHS.]
I've been giving geology some more thought.
Yeah, and? I've decided it's not really a science.
- It's not? - No, it's more like a hobby.
Rock collecting.
Childish, really.
I can see that.
ADULT SHELDON: As you can see, sometimes a person can be both incredibly intelligent and full of baloney.