Batman s01e16 Episode Script
Eternal Youth
No! You can't do this.
I've seen what you've done to the others.
Please let me go.
I'll pay anything.
You've done enough damage with your money.
- You wicked, evil - Evil, Mrs.
Thomas? I don't control a company that leveled a 1000-year-old forest for a strip mine.
That's evil.
You and your kind owe Mother Nature a big debt and I'm going to see that you pay it.
I don't care how much money we'll lose.
I won't have Wayne Enterprises involved in an operation that destroys a rainforest.
Shut it down or you're gone! One of my greedy directors made a deal with a slash-and-burn outfit in the Amazon.
Fortunate you caught it in time.
I hate it when things slip by me.
And with me helping to answer your mail nothing will.
- It says here you just won $ 10 million.
- That's nice.
You also received a tape from some enterprise called Eternal Youth.
- Shall I have a look? - Be my guest.
- Hello, Mr.
Wayne, I'm Violet.
- And I'm Lily.
- And we'd like to invite you - To a free weekend at - The Eternal Youth Spa.
- The Eternal Youth Spa.
Oh, my.
They even speak in unison.
- Maggie.
- Hello, love.
Care to join me for a morning jog? As much as I'd love to, Master Bruce insists I review this tape.
"Eternal Youth.
" Sounds intriguing.
- Hello, Bruce.
- Good morning, Maggie.
Our founder, Dr.
Daphne Demeter, has created a medical program that actually reverses the aging process.
My gracious.
Everyone's got a gimmick.
You'll enjoy a weekend of sumptuous mineral baths specially prepared meals and invigorating nature hikes.
- In two days, you'll look - And feel - Years younger! - Years younger! It's the perfect weekend for the harried, stressed-out executive.
You might wanna try this, Bruce, with your late nights and all.
My weekends are shot, Maggie.
But if you and Alfred would like to go in my place Thank you, but we couldn't possibly accept.
It's much too generous.
I thought they said it was free.
They did.
Oh, Alfie, don't be an old fogy.
A little fresh air would do us both some good.
And you have been promising to take me somewhere.
It's quite out of the question.
- I've been shanghaied.
- Hush.
Maggie! May I help you? Hello.
I'm Ms.
Paige.
And this is Mr.
Pennyworth.
We'll be filling in for Mr.
Wayne.
- Our target is a no-show.
- What should we do? Let them in.
Somebody's got to pay for the sins of Wayne Enterprises.
Good morning.
I am your director, Dr.
Demeter and I welcome you to our wonderful program of organic rejuvenation.
Would you put that thing down and relax? After years of research in my lab I have developed this enzyme: Demetrite.
The secret of eternal youth.
- Doesn't she look wonderful? - Not a day over 90.
Here you'll find demetrite in the food, the water even the air you breathe at night.
What a relaxing thought.
I assure you, the enzyme is thoroughly nontoxic and completely biodegradable.
And once you see those wrinkles melt away you'll want to saturate every cell with it.
- To eternal youth.
- To eternal youth.
- Quite refreshing, actually.
- You should taste these.
Delicious.
Now, this is the kind of wilderness experience I could enjoy.
It's a real brain-buster, my friend.
No ransom note, no goodbye note, no nothing.
And she's not the only vanishing industrialist.
Three more were reported this week.
I'll search her penthouse.
Good luck.
We put that place under a microscope.
And all we got was eyestrain.
Maybe your Bat radar can Oh, never mind.
- Hello, Mrs.
Thomas, I'm Violet.
- And I'm Lily.
- And we'd like to invite you - To a free weekend at - The Eternal Youth Spa.
- The Eternal Youth Spa.
Yes, Master Bruce, I did ask about that lady, as you requested.
But it seems she left by herself two weekends ago.
Why anyone would want to leave this place is beyond me.
Alfred, are you okay? Never better, sir.
Everywhere I turn I see another sign of nature's beauty.
I assure you that when I return, I'll be feeling like a new man.
You know, Maggie, I never realized how dreary this place actually looks.
- Especially after where we've been.
- Well, thanks for a splendid weekend.
You are feeling younger, aren't you? What the? - Good to see you, sir.
- You too, Alfred.
What's with the jungle? I thought this drab old cave could use a little color.
How does it look? - Green.
- Yes, so lovely.
I fear all this decorating has given me a dreadful thirst.
- What's that? - Special spa water, sir with a drop or two of Dr.
Demeter's formula.
Wonderful stuff, this demetrite.
Excuse me, sir.
I couldn't help myself Alfred! Really, sir.
It was merely a case of overexertion.
My weekend must have been more tiring than I realized.
Well, you get some rest.
I need to check on something.
Alfie! Maggie, how strange to see you.
- I've just been thinking about - Going back to the spa? - How did you know? - That's all I've been thinking about since I got home.
Computer log, continuing.
The active ingredient in demetrite's formula is a chlorophyll-based enzyme.
Analysis indicates that it does affect human cellular membranes.
I am now combining equal amounts of the enzyme to human plasma.
What the? Alfred! Alfred! Alfred! Alfred! I don't know why, doctor, but we felt absolutely compelled to come back.
We couldn't keep ourselves away.
Already your bodies have been primed for the true value of my treatment.
The ultimate rejuvenation, the promise of life everlasting.
I say, what is this? Run, Maggie! You go after the wrong people, Batman.
Poison Ivy.
Only you would identify yourself with Demeter the Greek goddess of plants.
Hey, a high school graduate.
Don't even think about it.
Unusual trees.
Subtropica-brasilias.
As rare as winter roses, Batman.
I tap their sap for my growth enzyme, which you see here in its purified, most concentrated form.
The secret of eternal youth.
But you haven't seen my most intriguing trees.
Actually, Batman, you and I are surprisingly alike.
We both strive to see evil-doers punished.
But while you have your gallery of rogues I have my grove.
This can't be.
This dog of a dogwood leveled enough trees to shade a small state.
And weep not for this willow.
She slaughtered an ancient forest to produce cardboard.
Cardboard! I still owe Bruce Wayne for his involvement with that slash-and-burn outfit.
But for now, I'm content to settle for his friends.
Right now, the bark is merely exoskeletal.
It will take months of additional spraying before the transformations become irreversible.
But, of course, I have the patience of a redwood.
And the convictions of a fanatic.
If you're not going to be part of the solution you're part of the problem.
Ladies.
This spray is triple-strength, Batman.
It will start the transformation without any preliminaries.
He should be sprouting leaves by now.
You made your secret too accessible, Ivy.
I coated my outfit with an herbicidal antidote.
Keep spraying! - And I thought you believed in justice.
- Justice, yes.
But not the vengeance of an ecoterrorist.
You're as destructive as those you punish.
Look what you've made me do to my poor, defenseless tree.
The enzyme! No! Alfie, do you realize that this is the second place we've been together in as many weeks? This relationship is branching out.
Please, Maggie.
After our encounter with Joan of Bark the last thing I want to be reminded of is trees.
Hey, good news.
All of Poison Ivy's victims are expected to recover.
Bruce, please.
The plant.
Must you? Maybe I'd better leave this outside.
Nice man, but sometimes not too bright.
I've seen what you've done to the others.
Please let me go.
I'll pay anything.
You've done enough damage with your money.
- You wicked, evil - Evil, Mrs.
Thomas? I don't control a company that leveled a 1000-year-old forest for a strip mine.
That's evil.
You and your kind owe Mother Nature a big debt and I'm going to see that you pay it.
I don't care how much money we'll lose.
I won't have Wayne Enterprises involved in an operation that destroys a rainforest.
Shut it down or you're gone! One of my greedy directors made a deal with a slash-and-burn outfit in the Amazon.
Fortunate you caught it in time.
I hate it when things slip by me.
And with me helping to answer your mail nothing will.
- It says here you just won $ 10 million.
- That's nice.
You also received a tape from some enterprise called Eternal Youth.
- Shall I have a look? - Be my guest.
- Hello, Mr.
Wayne, I'm Violet.
- And I'm Lily.
- And we'd like to invite you - To a free weekend at - The Eternal Youth Spa.
- The Eternal Youth Spa.
Oh, my.
They even speak in unison.
- Maggie.
- Hello, love.
Care to join me for a morning jog? As much as I'd love to, Master Bruce insists I review this tape.
"Eternal Youth.
" Sounds intriguing.
- Hello, Bruce.
- Good morning, Maggie.
Our founder, Dr.
Daphne Demeter, has created a medical program that actually reverses the aging process.
My gracious.
Everyone's got a gimmick.
You'll enjoy a weekend of sumptuous mineral baths specially prepared meals and invigorating nature hikes.
- In two days, you'll look - And feel - Years younger! - Years younger! It's the perfect weekend for the harried, stressed-out executive.
You might wanna try this, Bruce, with your late nights and all.
My weekends are shot, Maggie.
But if you and Alfred would like to go in my place Thank you, but we couldn't possibly accept.
It's much too generous.
I thought they said it was free.
They did.
Oh, Alfie, don't be an old fogy.
A little fresh air would do us both some good.
And you have been promising to take me somewhere.
It's quite out of the question.
- I've been shanghaied.
- Hush.
Maggie! May I help you? Hello.
I'm Ms.
Paige.
And this is Mr.
Pennyworth.
We'll be filling in for Mr.
Wayne.
- Our target is a no-show.
- What should we do? Let them in.
Somebody's got to pay for the sins of Wayne Enterprises.
Good morning.
I am your director, Dr.
Demeter and I welcome you to our wonderful program of organic rejuvenation.
Would you put that thing down and relax? After years of research in my lab I have developed this enzyme: Demetrite.
The secret of eternal youth.
- Doesn't she look wonderful? - Not a day over 90.
Here you'll find demetrite in the food, the water even the air you breathe at night.
What a relaxing thought.
I assure you, the enzyme is thoroughly nontoxic and completely biodegradable.
And once you see those wrinkles melt away you'll want to saturate every cell with it.
- To eternal youth.
- To eternal youth.
- Quite refreshing, actually.
- You should taste these.
Delicious.
Now, this is the kind of wilderness experience I could enjoy.
It's a real brain-buster, my friend.
No ransom note, no goodbye note, no nothing.
And she's not the only vanishing industrialist.
Three more were reported this week.
I'll search her penthouse.
Good luck.
We put that place under a microscope.
And all we got was eyestrain.
Maybe your Bat radar can Oh, never mind.
- Hello, Mrs.
Thomas, I'm Violet.
- And I'm Lily.
- And we'd like to invite you - To a free weekend at - The Eternal Youth Spa.
- The Eternal Youth Spa.
Yes, Master Bruce, I did ask about that lady, as you requested.
But it seems she left by herself two weekends ago.
Why anyone would want to leave this place is beyond me.
Alfred, are you okay? Never better, sir.
Everywhere I turn I see another sign of nature's beauty.
I assure you that when I return, I'll be feeling like a new man.
You know, Maggie, I never realized how dreary this place actually looks.
- Especially after where we've been.
- Well, thanks for a splendid weekend.
You are feeling younger, aren't you? What the? - Good to see you, sir.
- You too, Alfred.
What's with the jungle? I thought this drab old cave could use a little color.
How does it look? - Green.
- Yes, so lovely.
I fear all this decorating has given me a dreadful thirst.
- What's that? - Special spa water, sir with a drop or two of Dr.
Demeter's formula.
Wonderful stuff, this demetrite.
Excuse me, sir.
I couldn't help myself Alfred! Really, sir.
It was merely a case of overexertion.
My weekend must have been more tiring than I realized.
Well, you get some rest.
I need to check on something.
Alfie! Maggie, how strange to see you.
- I've just been thinking about - Going back to the spa? - How did you know? - That's all I've been thinking about since I got home.
Computer log, continuing.
The active ingredient in demetrite's formula is a chlorophyll-based enzyme.
Analysis indicates that it does affect human cellular membranes.
I am now combining equal amounts of the enzyme to human plasma.
What the? Alfred! Alfred! Alfred! Alfred! I don't know why, doctor, but we felt absolutely compelled to come back.
We couldn't keep ourselves away.
Already your bodies have been primed for the true value of my treatment.
The ultimate rejuvenation, the promise of life everlasting.
I say, what is this? Run, Maggie! You go after the wrong people, Batman.
Poison Ivy.
Only you would identify yourself with Demeter the Greek goddess of plants.
Hey, a high school graduate.
Don't even think about it.
Unusual trees.
Subtropica-brasilias.
As rare as winter roses, Batman.
I tap their sap for my growth enzyme, which you see here in its purified, most concentrated form.
The secret of eternal youth.
But you haven't seen my most intriguing trees.
Actually, Batman, you and I are surprisingly alike.
We both strive to see evil-doers punished.
But while you have your gallery of rogues I have my grove.
This can't be.
This dog of a dogwood leveled enough trees to shade a small state.
And weep not for this willow.
She slaughtered an ancient forest to produce cardboard.
Cardboard! I still owe Bruce Wayne for his involvement with that slash-and-burn outfit.
But for now, I'm content to settle for his friends.
Right now, the bark is merely exoskeletal.
It will take months of additional spraying before the transformations become irreversible.
But, of course, I have the patience of a redwood.
And the convictions of a fanatic.
If you're not going to be part of the solution you're part of the problem.
Ladies.
This spray is triple-strength, Batman.
It will start the transformation without any preliminaries.
He should be sprouting leaves by now.
You made your secret too accessible, Ivy.
I coated my outfit with an herbicidal antidote.
Keep spraying! - And I thought you believed in justice.
- Justice, yes.
But not the vengeance of an ecoterrorist.
You're as destructive as those you punish.
Look what you've made me do to my poor, defenseless tree.
The enzyme! No! Alfie, do you realize that this is the second place we've been together in as many weeks? This relationship is branching out.
Please, Maggie.
After our encounter with Joan of Bark the last thing I want to be reminded of is trees.
Hey, good news.
All of Poison Ivy's victims are expected to recover.
Bruce, please.
The plant.
Must you? Maybe I'd better leave this outside.
Nice man, but sometimes not too bright.