Boston Legal s01e16 Episode Script
Let Sales Ring
My friend, I can't tell you how good it is to see you.
- I gotta be honest with you.
I thought you were dead.
- Never felt better in my life.
Oh, come on.
That's a lie.
Look at you.
How's Sylvie? - Sylvie is dead.
- Fantastic.
And the kids? Denny, the last time we spoke, you mentioned that despite astronomical odds you managed to become yet an even better lawyer.
- Hard to believe, isn't it? - I have a motion which obviously I am quite capable of arguing myself, being more talented than you.
- No, you're not.
- I also happen to be the client.
The case is also extremely unconventional.
I want to be frozen.
What do you mean? I mean, I want to be frozen and stored in a cryonic institute.
What do you mean? I'm 78 years old.
It won't be long before my body starts to wither.
I've lived a full life.
The technology will soon exist that I will be able to double that life.
I want to be frozen and stored until such time that technology becomes a reality.
What do you mean? I mean, when I leave this world, I don't want it to be forever.
Which means for now I want to be frozen.
What do you mean? So basically, he wants to be euthanized.
And preserved on ice.
Evidently there's some right-to-privacy law I've never heard of.
Why should you? It's in the Constitution.
What's Milton Bombay doing here? He wants to be frozen and stored in a cryonics facility.
- All in favor? - And he wants Denny to argue it.
Hmm.
And what could possibly occasion him to want that? The problem is the basis of the case, if there is one would lie in the Bill of Rights which Denny, of course, feels never should have been passed.
We're one Supreme Court appointment away from overturning.
- The Bill of Rights? - Damn right.
Red states rule.
Paul, there seems to be some psychological deficit in play here.
I refer to Milton's, not yours.
Any person who wants to be frozen should perhaps be referred to a therapist, not a lawyer.
Hey, pretty boy.
I hear you're looking for some interesting cases.
Chelina Hall.
We haven't officially met.
Yes.
I've peeped at you in the girls room unofficially.
Cute.
Come with me? Stuart Milch, Alan Shore.
A pleasure, sir.
Thanks again for agreeing to see me.
Not at all.
Especially since I've made no such agreement.
Show him the gizmo, Stuart.
Tell him what it is, Stuart.
It's called a news blocker.
It's sold off the Internet.
You attach it to the coaxial input on your television and it basically blocks news transmissions.
It's true.
My high school principal attached these devices to all the televisions in the building.
The problem is it turns out it only blocks one network the most fair and balanced one.
All the others, kids can watch.
It singles out one network only? Yes, because this network supposedly pushes a conservative agenda.
Which is a lot of hooey.
This is blatant censorship.
It furthers evidence of a liberal media, and I for one am sick of it.
- In all my years - "In all his years.
" Milton, I consider you a friend.
Actually, I don't.
I find you a bit boorish.
But I have always enjoyed your unfettered candor.
And in the spirit of that candor the case cannot be won.
Given that this is the only lifetime you'll ever get to have please don't waste what's left of it in the vast cavernous sinkhole known as our system of jurisprudence.
I made my life in that system.
- I rose to the very top of the system.
- No, you didn't.
Milton, nojudge is going to let you be euthanized and stashed in a Sub-Zero.
We cannot know that unless we try, Shirley.
I know you recently retired.
Is this And please do not proffer psychological counsel.
I came in here in search oflegal and intellectual acuity.
- And you sought out Denny? - I assure you this is something considered with all due gravity.
I came to a decision.
And now I appeal to you as my attorney to help me execute that decision.
Do I make myself clear? Perfectly.
We're talking about your execution.
- Frozen? - That's why he's here? If there's any legal research on point, which I doubt there is, the sooner the better.
By way of analogy, you might want to look at assisted suicide or right-to-die.
Brad, you take the math and science because you're male and therefore more innately qualified.
Anything and everything you can find on cryonics technology.
Wait.
This firm is actually going to help Milton Bombay be put on ice? Oh, come now, Lori.
You of all people should know it's not so bad to go through life as a Popsicle.
- What is that supposed to mean? - Nothing.
My, everybody's so sensitive.
Can't we all just get along? We go to court this morning, so as fast as you can.
First of all, students have no vested rights whatsoever to watch any news during school.
But they are allowed to do so at Winslow High, except for one network.
Miss Tyler, is this particular broadcast being singled out on content? Even if it is, Your Honor, schools have the right to legislate content just as we can search students'lockers.
Objection to the spin, Judge.
This is a no spin zone.
Aprincipal is not subject to grounds of reasonableness when it comes to policy.
This is the First Amendment in play here.
What's next? Burning a few books? Miss Tyler, I must say, this has a bad stink to it.
How do you ban one network news program and not the others? The principal felt this particular network was detrimental.
Well, I want to hear from the principal in this witness chair or I'm going to grant the petitioner's motion right now.
Fine.
I can get him here this afternoon.
We'll adjourn for lunch.
Be back at 4:00.
- There they are! - Mr.
Bombay, why are you doing this? It's simply about wanting to continue my legacy for centuries to come.
I'm perhaps the greatest lawyer of all time.
- No, he's not.
I'm better.
- I want that time to continue into the future.
How are you, sweetie? Still the king.
Denny Crane.
Mr.
Bombay, you are asking for a court order to end your life.
Under today's science.
Tomorrow might be quite different.
But, sir, let's be realistic.
Why the hell do I have to be realistic? It's my body.
What do I have to do? Get pregnant? Well, you may be couching this in pro-life terms but in today's scientific world being frozen makes you dead.
I am asking for the chance to be alive in tomorrow's world.
To play with my great, great, great, great-grandchildren.
Do you have grandchildren today? I've got six, all grown.
Three of them love me.
Suppose one of them came into the court at, say, the age of 30, asking to be frozen.
I'd say wait.
You've got a lot of years.
But maybe they too would like it done before their body starts to go south.
Which at 30, it can.
Look, I don't advocate this for young, healthy people.
But certainly if you can decide for yourself, so should others, right? I'm close to 80.
My life is almost over.
Does one have to be old to get this autonomy? How about somebody 35 with cancer? If it was incurable, yes.
Parkinson's Disease, M.
S? What if somebody wanted to get frozen to avoid the draft? Let 'em move to Canada.
Freeze his balls off.
Denny Crane.
- Why did you do that? - You were getting picked apart in there.
- I was doing just fine.
- I had to stop the other side's momentum.
- He was shooting spitballs in a battleship.
- Boys.
I was having a real moment in there and you stepped on it.
Boys, we need to get back to the office and prepare our expert.
- He stepped on my moment.
- Did not.
Boys! Cryonics proponents don't refer to the patient as dead.
Simply preserved.
- Frozen? - Yes.
But, Doctor, if a person's heart isn't beating if there's no brain activity, we tend to call them dead.
Under today's medical definition, yes.
But the definition of cryonics is basically a process using a very cold temperature to prevent people from dying.
- Where'd we get this quack? - Shh.
Uh, Doctor, let's be fair.
Has anyone ever been brought back to life after being frozen? No.
And it's not likely to happen soon.
But the technology is changing.
We're discovering more and more about molecular nanotechnology every day.
- And one day it will be a reality.
- Uh, molecular what? One second, Doctor.
Denny, I'm gonna try something here I don't have time to explain.
I just need you to go with it, okay? - I want you to count backwards from a hundred silently.
- Why? I'll explain later.
It's important.
- Uh, 99, 98 - Shh.
Okay, Doctor.
We've heard that cryonics is in our future.
But please, give me one example one piece of evidence that indicates that this could possibly work.
- The wood frog.
- I'm sorry.
Did you say "wood frog?" Uh, yes.
A frog in the Canadian Arctic that hibernates and completely freezes in the winter.
No heartbeat, no brain activity.
It goes completely dead by today's definition of death.
Then in the spring, it wakens.
Brain activity resumes, heart starts beating.
It's alive again.
- And you think if it's possible for a frog - Why not for a human? If we can accomplish total metabolic arrest with no tissue damage we will be able to freeze people for thousands of years and bring them back to life.
Thank you, Doctor.
Humans are warm-blooded animals designed to stay at 98 degrees.
Those frogs are cold-blooded with a completely different molecular structure.
The future of cryonics involves the development of molecular technology.
- There is no evidence it can work with warm-blooded - Yes, there is.
We have frozen rat livers, thawed them, and transplanted them into living rats.
In Israel, they did it with frozen hearts.
In both cases, the rats lived.
Not for long, but the hearts and livers did come back to life.
With humans, we've frozen heart valves And you think the idea of freezing people is ethical? Is that consistent with It's evidently ethical to freeze embryos.
But again, I'm up here to give you the science, not engage in a moral debate.
He kicked their ass.
And the best part of it was he had integrity which is what you need in your expert.
- What did he cost us? - Twenty-five hundred.
- The whore.
- Schmidt.
- How are we doing? - The leading federal case would be Schiavo.
It's not first circuit.
But since the Supreme Court just refused to hear the appeal, we could argue it's controlling.
I want to read it.
Can you make me a copy? You want to read it, Denny? Hell, no.
Can I talk to you in private for a second, please? I, uh I didn't want to embarrass you in front of your superiors but it seems to me the controlling case on this would be Cruzan.
The whole thrust of Rehnquist's opinion was autonomy the patient's right to decide.
The opinion was muddled.
It was essentially three-pronged.
Autonomy, the patient's best interest, and the state's interest to preserve life.
You'd win on prong one but you'd likely lose on prongs two and three.
You're much better off arguing Schiavo.
Mr.
Bombay? - Yes? - Are you all right? Oh, yes.
Uh, it's just that you brought me back to a memory of I think I was happiest as a lawyer when I was a young associate.
I hated doing all the grunt work but there was all the promise of tomorrow.
Would you have dinner with me tonight, Tara? Milton? Why don't you have it with me? Why this one particular network? I know all the networks pander.
Some to the liberal, some to the conservative.
But when a news organization goes as far as to actually promote a political agenda Can I dial you back a second? How do they do that? Well, first, the broadcasts speak for themselves.
Their C.
E.
O.
Used to be the chief media operative for former Republican presidents.
I object to his open mind, Judge.
- Move to strike? - Sustained.
And then when I saw the documentary Outfoxed, it blew my mind.
- Because? - Because it detailed the extent to which the media can go to promote conservative Republican causes.
Your Honor, we'd like to show you a brief series of clips from this documentary.
We weren't necessarily, as it was told to us a news gathering organization so much as we were a proponent of a point of view.
They wanted all news to be a matter of opinion.
We were ordered from the top to carry propaganda carry Republican right-wing propaganda.
It was made very clear to us that our activities were being monitored.
And if someone wasn't watching it live, they were at least recording it and they would review it after the fact to see what we did.
If you watch the documentary, and I strongly suggest that you do you'll see that this goes on and on and on.
And these accounts are from people on the inside.
Okay.
But to put a device on the television? I hate the idea of shutting down free expression, but this became more of a safety issue.
A safety issue? They've got their talk show hosts declaring that anyone who is opposed to the war is an enemy of the state, a traitor.
Now we're getting more fights.
Kids are being attacked for being unpatriotic.
Arab and Muslim students being targeted.
Maybe this little device is overkill.
I admit that.
But I've got a high school to run.
And the first order of the day is keep the kids safe.
And the first order of the day is keep the kids safe.
I thought the first order of an academic community was embracing diversity of opinion.
Not when it's a bias that fosters intolerance.
Did you attach any little blockers to networks that lie about presidents and, say, the National Guard? I don't dispute there's a liberal bias too.
You don't censor those networks? - Those networks don't foster intolerance.
- Any blockers for shock jocks? Or is racism and misogyny not a concern? Look, there's a lot of garbage out there.
I'll admit that.
- What about your own teachers? - My teachers? A recent poll showed six out of seven college professors voted forJohn Kerry.
Does that not suggest a bias in academia, Mr.
Harper? - Objection.
- We've got countless news programs too many talk shows to keep track of all kinds of opinions being spewed out over the airwaves.
Extremes to the left, to the right.
And the only thing you block That's actually not true.
There's all kinds of programs we don't permit.
But this is the only news show? Look, what does it say that they make a device to block out this particular news network? It says that censorship is popular.
That doesn't make it right.
And as principal, I have to make that call.
And let me say this.
I'm a proud American.
I got a flag on my porch.
I pray for those troops every night.
I taught some of those kids.
They're over there fighting for democracy which includes the right for you to question your government.
And for this network to be saying otherwise offends me as a citizen and as a principal.
I see.
So you're squashing content to promote democracy? Once again I will shut down any content that fosters intolerance.
That is where I stand.
You're going to dinner with him? I want to find out what's really going on here.
What's going on is a runaway ego.
It's all about a spotlight.
The man wishes he were me.
We all wish that, Denny.
I know Mi I go way back with Milton.
I know Milton like the back of my hand.
He knows he's gonna lose that motion.
No risk ofhim being frozen.
In the meantime, he's all over the news.
I'm telling you, the man wants to be me.
Even so, I'm gonna have a little talk with him.
He's gonna insist you go to Nicky Blair's.
Watch.
- Sorry? - He pays them to let him sing.
- I beg your pardon? - He slips the maitre d' a hundred bucks to come over to the table and say, "Please, Mr.
Bombay, sing us a song.
" It's all about the limelight with Milton.
I promise you.
What do you mean lose? We're on the side of the First Amendment.
The problem is school principals do have a wide discretion.
And the material is arguably inflammatory.
If they can classify them as disruptive speech Plus, I don't know which newscast you've been watching recently but the First Amendment is losing its luster lately.
Some networks are even censoring their scripted dramas.
So what do we go with if not freedom of expression? Meanwhile, actor Vince Odoms, you know him as thejudge in the Michael Jackson reenactment trial has abruptly quit to go play Phil Spector in the reenactment of that trial on a competing network.
F.
B.
S.
President Rick Silverman is threatening to sue claiming the actor is under contract and that it would be a material breach to walk in the middle of ongoing litigation.
Meanwhile, it was learned today that the Los Angeles County Sheriff! S office reportedly - So, what's the point? - The point? Of us having dinner, what's the point? If it's sexual, I'll need notice so I can take my little pill.
You asked to have dinner with Tara.
What was the point of that? With her, I wouldn't need a pill.
You've talked a wonderful game about the future.
About wanting to perpetuate your legacy into the next century.
But when you were talking to Tara what I observed was a man looking backwards a man who perhaps is lonely.
You've got it wrong.
I saw melancholy, Milton and melancholy accompanied by the desire to be dead.
Is this Milton Bombay looking to check out in a way that doesn't tarnish his grand reputation? Denny thinks you don't want to win this case which would explain your hiring him.
But you also hired me.
You lost your wife, yourjob.
Are you just giving up, Milton? Let me tell you something.
As science and medicine continue to evolve, so must the law to keep pace! I'm blazing the trail as a patient today so I can continue to set the standard as a lawyer tomorrow.
- That's what this is about! - Okay.
Mr.
Bombay, some of the patrons have requested you grace us with a song tonight.
Yes.
Tell them to vamp "She's Making Eyes.
" I'll be right up, Walter.
Excellent.
Thank you, sir.
I happen to believe in reincarnation.
And I also believe things even out.
Given the hand I was dealt this time I could be in for some serious hardships the next go-around.
And I don't want that in my next life.
I want to be me all over again.
Milton Bombay! Got it.
Ladies and gentlemen, a treat.
A special guest performance from that legendary barrister, Milton Bombay! Thank you.
Thank you.
Good to be here, folks.
Here's one of my favorites.
I hope it's one of yours too.
What do you mean you're closing? What happened to Shirley? Milton, there's a reason you came to me in the first place.
In your gut, you know I'm better than you.
- Go with your gut.
- I'd sooner go with my intestine.
- I'd prefer Shirley doing the closing.
- I'm not doing it.
- And neither are you.
- Well, who does that leave? Uh Uh Tammy? - Tara.
- As I said from the start the law doesn't support us here.
If we're going to get a court order allowing you to die which would be the result in today's world that judge is going to have to hear from you.
- He did hear from me.
- I don't think so.
If this is only about you getting to perpetuate your legacy in the next century I'm afraid you're gonna have to make do with sustaining it in this one.
You need to do better.
And, Milton, for my money any guy who's asking to get stuck in a freezer isn't that desperate to live.
Every major media watchdog group has labeled this news program as the most biased right-wing news program on television.
So what? Political bias is rampant throughout the news business including liberal bias.
We're not talking aboutjust a slant, Judge.
A recent poll showed that the more people watch this news show the less they know about foreign policy and the more inclined they are to support the government.
Now that may be good team spirit but it's disgraceful journalism.
You talk about a democracy.
What kind of principal censors free expression? Uh, Your Honor, if I may? Any principal has the right, if not the obligation to rail against bias wherever he sees it.
- You saw that tape.
- Which was also biased and self-serving.
Their most popular commentator threatens retribution against those who dissent.
It almost rises to the level ofhate speech.
And if in my view, itjeopardizes the welfare of the students I certainly have the authority to shut it down.
Mr.
Shore, this is a school.
Is it wise to expose students to programs which send the message you're anti-American if you question the government? Your Honor, before we convict them as the network of conservative values or any values for that matter, let's remember these are the folks who brought you Joe Billionaire and Who's Your Papa? That's the entertainment division, Mr.
Shore.
I'm talking about the news.
I'm telling you it's all the same.
This isn't about political content.
This is a corporation looking to make money.
They began as alternative news programming to grab a market share.
They saw ratings and profit in a conservative demographic and they've been waving the flag ever since, and so what.
News today, all of it, is "infotainment.
" Last February, a deadly toxin known as ricin was found in the mail room of the senate majority leader.
Headline News led with JanetJackson's exposed breast.
A month ago, while we were in the middle of a war newscasts all across the country led with Prince Harry's costume at a keg party.
It's a business.
And while some newsgroups go with the deeper social issues like Brad and Jennifer's breakup the one here chooses to run with red, white and blue.
And by the way, before you vilify them, a survey done in 2002 revealed that 70% of the people in this country believe it is good when news organizations take a strong pro-American point of view.
- Seventy percent.
- Does that make it right? Of course it makes it right.
Because the rule in infotainment is give the people what they want.
This is money, Your Honor, not politics.
Let me say, I am a great lover of the news.
- I can see that.
- I watch it all.
On days like 9/11, or for other world-changing events the news programs are nothing short of spectacular.
When Martin Luther King delivered "I Have a Dream" when President Kennedy was shot when we walked on the moon, the Tet Offensive Our lives are shaped by these events.
In part, because of the news.
But on all other days, they're businesses Iooking to compete like anybody else in a highly competitive marketplace.
They sell product.
And even if you're determined to believe that this particular network is some evil empire Iooking to spread right-wing propaganda, that still doesn't change the fact that we are in this room today because a principal is shutting down the expression of ideas simply because he disagrees with the content.
If anything needs a champion today it's the First Amendment.
In a recent poll, half of today's high school students thought newspapers should get government approval of stories before publishing them.
The First Amendment has become an endangered species.
And here we have a high school principal practicing censorship.
My, my.
We do have a problem.
There is nothing in the law to support Mr.
Bombay's request that he be assisted in his quest to die.
And that's what this is assisted suicide.
Now, we hear a lot of talk about personal autonomy.
But there is a sanctity to life, Your Honor.
A state has interest in that sanctity.
If we erode that in any way well, we make the idea of suicide more acceptable.
Perhaps more conceivable for the troubled teenager or the depressed mother.
You say suicide in some situations is an option.
But we have an overriding state interest and a humane one in not sending that message.
- You - That was beautiful.
Now sit.
At the risk of sounding immodest I am one of the greatest lawyers possibly the greatest, to grace the courtrooms of this commonwealth.
Andjust the possibility ofbeing able to still try cases in the 22nd century Uh I have A.
L.
S.
In a few months, I'll lose motor control control of my bowels.
My brain will begin to And in a year or so, I'll be dead.
Legends shouldn't die like that.
I don't want to die like that.
Cryonics might not work.
But a hundred years ago nobody was talking about cloning or the human genome.
And a hundred years from now, who knows what's possible? I truly truly love life.
And the chance to be living again seems preferable to eternal nothingness.
And, uh, well, What Red Sox fan wouldn't jump at the chance to lie next to Ted Williams? I realize, Your Honor that no judge would do what I'm asking for.
Do it anyway.
Why didn't you tell me you were sick? Because I'm a tree.
When I fall, I want it to be in a forest.
What the hell's that mean? It means I didn't want anybody to know.
I don't want to be pitied.
- All I want is to be - Denny Crane.
Mine's bigger.
You know I've always admired you, Milton.
I'm not dead yet.
When is the judge gonna rule? He said by tonight.
I grew up watching Walter Cronkite.
It was a time the news seemed to be fair objective, trusted.
In fact, whenever we doubted the blather coming out of the politicians' mouths it was the press we turned to to get a sense of the truth.
Well, Walter Cronkite has definitely left the building.
When it comes to credibility big media is dead.
Networks pander.
Some to conservatives, others to liberals.
This past election, you could turn to one channel to see President Bush ahead.
Turn to another to see Kerry leading.
Ridiculous.
And I agree with Mr.
Shore.
It's probably more about money than ideology.
And being about money well, why shouldn't networks be free to adopt a bias in hopes of attracting a bigger audience? This is America.
Mr.
Harper I realize times have changed in the high schools as well.
Hate violence is on the rise.
Administrators have to be freer to curtail students' civil liberties including disruptive speech.
But attaching a device to a television that blocks out a certain network because of the content that seems to go too far.
It's censorship, sir.
And I can't let it stand.
The motion for the plaintiff is granted.
I don't know what to say, Mr.
Shore.
- You were incredibly brilliant.
- Yes.
If there's any retribution at the school, let us know.
Yeah, I will.
Thank you both.
Your country thanks you.
- My country thanks me.
- Yeah.
This is where he gives his ruling.
Thank you.
Mr.
Bombay, it seems ironic, if not indecent that the state's interest in preserving life should mandate that you die a wrenching and painful death rather than be frozen in hopes of finding a cure.
But that is the law as it stands today.
We live in a country that celebrates individual liberties and personal autonomy.
But when it comes to controlling your own destiny this is a freedom that does not yet ring.
I will pray for you, but I cannot grant you your request.
Your motion is denied.
God bless you.
I'm sorry.
We can appeal.
Next time I'll close.
That's all right.
That's all right.
I'm heading for Arizona.
Try my luck with the courts down there.
Milton, no court anywhere is going to rule in your favor.
Even so, there's a cryonics facility there.
- Whenever the time comes - Do you know anybody in Arizona? No.
And that's the point.
I don't want to deteriorate in front of my Clearly you're not inclined to follow my advice, but do not go off to die alone.
Hey, you live your way, Shirley.
I'll die mine.
I'm entitled to be remembered for Uh, thank you both for your efforts.
Milton! Milton! We go way back, you and I.
Let's not get carried away.
We were worthy adversaries occasional drinking buddies.
But it's not as if we had great affection for one another.
Anyway We'll see you, Milton.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
See ya.
See ya, Den.
Good-bye, my friend.
Good-bye.
Bye.
- I'm sorry.
- Hey.
People get old, get sick.
It happens to everybody.
How close were you? It's not that we went that deep.
It's we went Way back? You can be larger than life, just not death.
- He went off to Arizona? - Yeah.
I really admired him more than You go through life and you never tell people how much you care about 'em when People should probably do that more, you know? I care about you.
I wasn't fishing for that.
I fish for steelhead, not mush.
I care about you, Denny.
You don't have to say it back.
Wasn't planning to.
- I gotta be honest with you.
I thought you were dead.
- Never felt better in my life.
Oh, come on.
That's a lie.
Look at you.
How's Sylvie? - Sylvie is dead.
- Fantastic.
And the kids? Denny, the last time we spoke, you mentioned that despite astronomical odds you managed to become yet an even better lawyer.
- Hard to believe, isn't it? - I have a motion which obviously I am quite capable of arguing myself, being more talented than you.
- No, you're not.
- I also happen to be the client.
The case is also extremely unconventional.
I want to be frozen.
What do you mean? I mean, I want to be frozen and stored in a cryonic institute.
What do you mean? I'm 78 years old.
It won't be long before my body starts to wither.
I've lived a full life.
The technology will soon exist that I will be able to double that life.
I want to be frozen and stored until such time that technology becomes a reality.
What do you mean? I mean, when I leave this world, I don't want it to be forever.
Which means for now I want to be frozen.
What do you mean? So basically, he wants to be euthanized.
And preserved on ice.
Evidently there's some right-to-privacy law I've never heard of.
Why should you? It's in the Constitution.
What's Milton Bombay doing here? He wants to be frozen and stored in a cryonics facility.
- All in favor? - And he wants Denny to argue it.
Hmm.
And what could possibly occasion him to want that? The problem is the basis of the case, if there is one would lie in the Bill of Rights which Denny, of course, feels never should have been passed.
We're one Supreme Court appointment away from overturning.
- The Bill of Rights? - Damn right.
Red states rule.
Paul, there seems to be some psychological deficit in play here.
I refer to Milton's, not yours.
Any person who wants to be frozen should perhaps be referred to a therapist, not a lawyer.
Hey, pretty boy.
I hear you're looking for some interesting cases.
Chelina Hall.
We haven't officially met.
Yes.
I've peeped at you in the girls room unofficially.
Cute.
Come with me? Stuart Milch, Alan Shore.
A pleasure, sir.
Thanks again for agreeing to see me.
Not at all.
Especially since I've made no such agreement.
Show him the gizmo, Stuart.
Tell him what it is, Stuart.
It's called a news blocker.
It's sold off the Internet.
You attach it to the coaxial input on your television and it basically blocks news transmissions.
It's true.
My high school principal attached these devices to all the televisions in the building.
The problem is it turns out it only blocks one network the most fair and balanced one.
All the others, kids can watch.
It singles out one network only? Yes, because this network supposedly pushes a conservative agenda.
Which is a lot of hooey.
This is blatant censorship.
It furthers evidence of a liberal media, and I for one am sick of it.
- In all my years - "In all his years.
" Milton, I consider you a friend.
Actually, I don't.
I find you a bit boorish.
But I have always enjoyed your unfettered candor.
And in the spirit of that candor the case cannot be won.
Given that this is the only lifetime you'll ever get to have please don't waste what's left of it in the vast cavernous sinkhole known as our system of jurisprudence.
I made my life in that system.
- I rose to the very top of the system.
- No, you didn't.
Milton, nojudge is going to let you be euthanized and stashed in a Sub-Zero.
We cannot know that unless we try, Shirley.
I know you recently retired.
Is this And please do not proffer psychological counsel.
I came in here in search oflegal and intellectual acuity.
- And you sought out Denny? - I assure you this is something considered with all due gravity.
I came to a decision.
And now I appeal to you as my attorney to help me execute that decision.
Do I make myself clear? Perfectly.
We're talking about your execution.
- Frozen? - That's why he's here? If there's any legal research on point, which I doubt there is, the sooner the better.
By way of analogy, you might want to look at assisted suicide or right-to-die.
Brad, you take the math and science because you're male and therefore more innately qualified.
Anything and everything you can find on cryonics technology.
Wait.
This firm is actually going to help Milton Bombay be put on ice? Oh, come now, Lori.
You of all people should know it's not so bad to go through life as a Popsicle.
- What is that supposed to mean? - Nothing.
My, everybody's so sensitive.
Can't we all just get along? We go to court this morning, so as fast as you can.
First of all, students have no vested rights whatsoever to watch any news during school.
But they are allowed to do so at Winslow High, except for one network.
Miss Tyler, is this particular broadcast being singled out on content? Even if it is, Your Honor, schools have the right to legislate content just as we can search students'lockers.
Objection to the spin, Judge.
This is a no spin zone.
Aprincipal is not subject to grounds of reasonableness when it comes to policy.
This is the First Amendment in play here.
What's next? Burning a few books? Miss Tyler, I must say, this has a bad stink to it.
How do you ban one network news program and not the others? The principal felt this particular network was detrimental.
Well, I want to hear from the principal in this witness chair or I'm going to grant the petitioner's motion right now.
Fine.
I can get him here this afternoon.
We'll adjourn for lunch.
Be back at 4:00.
- There they are! - Mr.
Bombay, why are you doing this? It's simply about wanting to continue my legacy for centuries to come.
I'm perhaps the greatest lawyer of all time.
- No, he's not.
I'm better.
- I want that time to continue into the future.
How are you, sweetie? Still the king.
Denny Crane.
Mr.
Bombay, you are asking for a court order to end your life.
Under today's science.
Tomorrow might be quite different.
But, sir, let's be realistic.
Why the hell do I have to be realistic? It's my body.
What do I have to do? Get pregnant? Well, you may be couching this in pro-life terms but in today's scientific world being frozen makes you dead.
I am asking for the chance to be alive in tomorrow's world.
To play with my great, great, great, great-grandchildren.
Do you have grandchildren today? I've got six, all grown.
Three of them love me.
Suppose one of them came into the court at, say, the age of 30, asking to be frozen.
I'd say wait.
You've got a lot of years.
But maybe they too would like it done before their body starts to go south.
Which at 30, it can.
Look, I don't advocate this for young, healthy people.
But certainly if you can decide for yourself, so should others, right? I'm close to 80.
My life is almost over.
Does one have to be old to get this autonomy? How about somebody 35 with cancer? If it was incurable, yes.
Parkinson's Disease, M.
S? What if somebody wanted to get frozen to avoid the draft? Let 'em move to Canada.
Freeze his balls off.
Denny Crane.
- Why did you do that? - You were getting picked apart in there.
- I was doing just fine.
- I had to stop the other side's momentum.
- He was shooting spitballs in a battleship.
- Boys.
I was having a real moment in there and you stepped on it.
Boys, we need to get back to the office and prepare our expert.
- He stepped on my moment.
- Did not.
Boys! Cryonics proponents don't refer to the patient as dead.
Simply preserved.
- Frozen? - Yes.
But, Doctor, if a person's heart isn't beating if there's no brain activity, we tend to call them dead.
Under today's medical definition, yes.
But the definition of cryonics is basically a process using a very cold temperature to prevent people from dying.
- Where'd we get this quack? - Shh.
Uh, Doctor, let's be fair.
Has anyone ever been brought back to life after being frozen? No.
And it's not likely to happen soon.
But the technology is changing.
We're discovering more and more about molecular nanotechnology every day.
- And one day it will be a reality.
- Uh, molecular what? One second, Doctor.
Denny, I'm gonna try something here I don't have time to explain.
I just need you to go with it, okay? - I want you to count backwards from a hundred silently.
- Why? I'll explain later.
It's important.
- Uh, 99, 98 - Shh.
Okay, Doctor.
We've heard that cryonics is in our future.
But please, give me one example one piece of evidence that indicates that this could possibly work.
- The wood frog.
- I'm sorry.
Did you say "wood frog?" Uh, yes.
A frog in the Canadian Arctic that hibernates and completely freezes in the winter.
No heartbeat, no brain activity.
It goes completely dead by today's definition of death.
Then in the spring, it wakens.
Brain activity resumes, heart starts beating.
It's alive again.
- And you think if it's possible for a frog - Why not for a human? If we can accomplish total metabolic arrest with no tissue damage we will be able to freeze people for thousands of years and bring them back to life.
Thank you, Doctor.
Humans are warm-blooded animals designed to stay at 98 degrees.
Those frogs are cold-blooded with a completely different molecular structure.
The future of cryonics involves the development of molecular technology.
- There is no evidence it can work with warm-blooded - Yes, there is.
We have frozen rat livers, thawed them, and transplanted them into living rats.
In Israel, they did it with frozen hearts.
In both cases, the rats lived.
Not for long, but the hearts and livers did come back to life.
With humans, we've frozen heart valves And you think the idea of freezing people is ethical? Is that consistent with It's evidently ethical to freeze embryos.
But again, I'm up here to give you the science, not engage in a moral debate.
He kicked their ass.
And the best part of it was he had integrity which is what you need in your expert.
- What did he cost us? - Twenty-five hundred.
- The whore.
- Schmidt.
- How are we doing? - The leading federal case would be Schiavo.
It's not first circuit.
But since the Supreme Court just refused to hear the appeal, we could argue it's controlling.
I want to read it.
Can you make me a copy? You want to read it, Denny? Hell, no.
Can I talk to you in private for a second, please? I, uh I didn't want to embarrass you in front of your superiors but it seems to me the controlling case on this would be Cruzan.
The whole thrust of Rehnquist's opinion was autonomy the patient's right to decide.
The opinion was muddled.
It was essentially three-pronged.
Autonomy, the patient's best interest, and the state's interest to preserve life.
You'd win on prong one but you'd likely lose on prongs two and three.
You're much better off arguing Schiavo.
Mr.
Bombay? - Yes? - Are you all right? Oh, yes.
Uh, it's just that you brought me back to a memory of I think I was happiest as a lawyer when I was a young associate.
I hated doing all the grunt work but there was all the promise of tomorrow.
Would you have dinner with me tonight, Tara? Milton? Why don't you have it with me? Why this one particular network? I know all the networks pander.
Some to the liberal, some to the conservative.
But when a news organization goes as far as to actually promote a political agenda Can I dial you back a second? How do they do that? Well, first, the broadcasts speak for themselves.
Their C.
E.
O.
Used to be the chief media operative for former Republican presidents.
I object to his open mind, Judge.
- Move to strike? - Sustained.
And then when I saw the documentary Outfoxed, it blew my mind.
- Because? - Because it detailed the extent to which the media can go to promote conservative Republican causes.
Your Honor, we'd like to show you a brief series of clips from this documentary.
We weren't necessarily, as it was told to us a news gathering organization so much as we were a proponent of a point of view.
They wanted all news to be a matter of opinion.
We were ordered from the top to carry propaganda carry Republican right-wing propaganda.
It was made very clear to us that our activities were being monitored.
And if someone wasn't watching it live, they were at least recording it and they would review it after the fact to see what we did.
If you watch the documentary, and I strongly suggest that you do you'll see that this goes on and on and on.
And these accounts are from people on the inside.
Okay.
But to put a device on the television? I hate the idea of shutting down free expression, but this became more of a safety issue.
A safety issue? They've got their talk show hosts declaring that anyone who is opposed to the war is an enemy of the state, a traitor.
Now we're getting more fights.
Kids are being attacked for being unpatriotic.
Arab and Muslim students being targeted.
Maybe this little device is overkill.
I admit that.
But I've got a high school to run.
And the first order of the day is keep the kids safe.
And the first order of the day is keep the kids safe.
I thought the first order of an academic community was embracing diversity of opinion.
Not when it's a bias that fosters intolerance.
Did you attach any little blockers to networks that lie about presidents and, say, the National Guard? I don't dispute there's a liberal bias too.
You don't censor those networks? - Those networks don't foster intolerance.
- Any blockers for shock jocks? Or is racism and misogyny not a concern? Look, there's a lot of garbage out there.
I'll admit that.
- What about your own teachers? - My teachers? A recent poll showed six out of seven college professors voted forJohn Kerry.
Does that not suggest a bias in academia, Mr.
Harper? - Objection.
- We've got countless news programs too many talk shows to keep track of all kinds of opinions being spewed out over the airwaves.
Extremes to the left, to the right.
And the only thing you block That's actually not true.
There's all kinds of programs we don't permit.
But this is the only news show? Look, what does it say that they make a device to block out this particular news network? It says that censorship is popular.
That doesn't make it right.
And as principal, I have to make that call.
And let me say this.
I'm a proud American.
I got a flag on my porch.
I pray for those troops every night.
I taught some of those kids.
They're over there fighting for democracy which includes the right for you to question your government.
And for this network to be saying otherwise offends me as a citizen and as a principal.
I see.
So you're squashing content to promote democracy? Once again I will shut down any content that fosters intolerance.
That is where I stand.
You're going to dinner with him? I want to find out what's really going on here.
What's going on is a runaway ego.
It's all about a spotlight.
The man wishes he were me.
We all wish that, Denny.
I know Mi I go way back with Milton.
I know Milton like the back of my hand.
He knows he's gonna lose that motion.
No risk ofhim being frozen.
In the meantime, he's all over the news.
I'm telling you, the man wants to be me.
Even so, I'm gonna have a little talk with him.
He's gonna insist you go to Nicky Blair's.
Watch.
- Sorry? - He pays them to let him sing.
- I beg your pardon? - He slips the maitre d' a hundred bucks to come over to the table and say, "Please, Mr.
Bombay, sing us a song.
" It's all about the limelight with Milton.
I promise you.
What do you mean lose? We're on the side of the First Amendment.
The problem is school principals do have a wide discretion.
And the material is arguably inflammatory.
If they can classify them as disruptive speech Plus, I don't know which newscast you've been watching recently but the First Amendment is losing its luster lately.
Some networks are even censoring their scripted dramas.
So what do we go with if not freedom of expression? Meanwhile, actor Vince Odoms, you know him as thejudge in the Michael Jackson reenactment trial has abruptly quit to go play Phil Spector in the reenactment of that trial on a competing network.
F.
B.
S.
President Rick Silverman is threatening to sue claiming the actor is under contract and that it would be a material breach to walk in the middle of ongoing litigation.
Meanwhile, it was learned today that the Los Angeles County Sheriff! S office reportedly - So, what's the point? - The point? Of us having dinner, what's the point? If it's sexual, I'll need notice so I can take my little pill.
You asked to have dinner with Tara.
What was the point of that? With her, I wouldn't need a pill.
You've talked a wonderful game about the future.
About wanting to perpetuate your legacy into the next century.
But when you were talking to Tara what I observed was a man looking backwards a man who perhaps is lonely.
You've got it wrong.
I saw melancholy, Milton and melancholy accompanied by the desire to be dead.
Is this Milton Bombay looking to check out in a way that doesn't tarnish his grand reputation? Denny thinks you don't want to win this case which would explain your hiring him.
But you also hired me.
You lost your wife, yourjob.
Are you just giving up, Milton? Let me tell you something.
As science and medicine continue to evolve, so must the law to keep pace! I'm blazing the trail as a patient today so I can continue to set the standard as a lawyer tomorrow.
- That's what this is about! - Okay.
Mr.
Bombay, some of the patrons have requested you grace us with a song tonight.
Yes.
Tell them to vamp "She's Making Eyes.
" I'll be right up, Walter.
Excellent.
Thank you, sir.
I happen to believe in reincarnation.
And I also believe things even out.
Given the hand I was dealt this time I could be in for some serious hardships the next go-around.
And I don't want that in my next life.
I want to be me all over again.
Milton Bombay! Got it.
Ladies and gentlemen, a treat.
A special guest performance from that legendary barrister, Milton Bombay! Thank you.
Thank you.
Good to be here, folks.
Here's one of my favorites.
I hope it's one of yours too.
What do you mean you're closing? What happened to Shirley? Milton, there's a reason you came to me in the first place.
In your gut, you know I'm better than you.
- Go with your gut.
- I'd sooner go with my intestine.
- I'd prefer Shirley doing the closing.
- I'm not doing it.
- And neither are you.
- Well, who does that leave? Uh Uh Tammy? - Tara.
- As I said from the start the law doesn't support us here.
If we're going to get a court order allowing you to die which would be the result in today's world that judge is going to have to hear from you.
- He did hear from me.
- I don't think so.
If this is only about you getting to perpetuate your legacy in the next century I'm afraid you're gonna have to make do with sustaining it in this one.
You need to do better.
And, Milton, for my money any guy who's asking to get stuck in a freezer isn't that desperate to live.
Every major media watchdog group has labeled this news program as the most biased right-wing news program on television.
So what? Political bias is rampant throughout the news business including liberal bias.
We're not talking aboutjust a slant, Judge.
A recent poll showed that the more people watch this news show the less they know about foreign policy and the more inclined they are to support the government.
Now that may be good team spirit but it's disgraceful journalism.
You talk about a democracy.
What kind of principal censors free expression? Uh, Your Honor, if I may? Any principal has the right, if not the obligation to rail against bias wherever he sees it.
- You saw that tape.
- Which was also biased and self-serving.
Their most popular commentator threatens retribution against those who dissent.
It almost rises to the level ofhate speech.
And if in my view, itjeopardizes the welfare of the students I certainly have the authority to shut it down.
Mr.
Shore, this is a school.
Is it wise to expose students to programs which send the message you're anti-American if you question the government? Your Honor, before we convict them as the network of conservative values or any values for that matter, let's remember these are the folks who brought you Joe Billionaire and Who's Your Papa? That's the entertainment division, Mr.
Shore.
I'm talking about the news.
I'm telling you it's all the same.
This isn't about political content.
This is a corporation looking to make money.
They began as alternative news programming to grab a market share.
They saw ratings and profit in a conservative demographic and they've been waving the flag ever since, and so what.
News today, all of it, is "infotainment.
" Last February, a deadly toxin known as ricin was found in the mail room of the senate majority leader.
Headline News led with JanetJackson's exposed breast.
A month ago, while we were in the middle of a war newscasts all across the country led with Prince Harry's costume at a keg party.
It's a business.
And while some newsgroups go with the deeper social issues like Brad and Jennifer's breakup the one here chooses to run with red, white and blue.
And by the way, before you vilify them, a survey done in 2002 revealed that 70% of the people in this country believe it is good when news organizations take a strong pro-American point of view.
- Seventy percent.
- Does that make it right? Of course it makes it right.
Because the rule in infotainment is give the people what they want.
This is money, Your Honor, not politics.
Let me say, I am a great lover of the news.
- I can see that.
- I watch it all.
On days like 9/11, or for other world-changing events the news programs are nothing short of spectacular.
When Martin Luther King delivered "I Have a Dream" when President Kennedy was shot when we walked on the moon, the Tet Offensive Our lives are shaped by these events.
In part, because of the news.
But on all other days, they're businesses Iooking to compete like anybody else in a highly competitive marketplace.
They sell product.
And even if you're determined to believe that this particular network is some evil empire Iooking to spread right-wing propaganda, that still doesn't change the fact that we are in this room today because a principal is shutting down the expression of ideas simply because he disagrees with the content.
If anything needs a champion today it's the First Amendment.
In a recent poll, half of today's high school students thought newspapers should get government approval of stories before publishing them.
The First Amendment has become an endangered species.
And here we have a high school principal practicing censorship.
My, my.
We do have a problem.
There is nothing in the law to support Mr.
Bombay's request that he be assisted in his quest to die.
And that's what this is assisted suicide.
Now, we hear a lot of talk about personal autonomy.
But there is a sanctity to life, Your Honor.
A state has interest in that sanctity.
If we erode that in any way well, we make the idea of suicide more acceptable.
Perhaps more conceivable for the troubled teenager or the depressed mother.
You say suicide in some situations is an option.
But we have an overriding state interest and a humane one in not sending that message.
- You - That was beautiful.
Now sit.
At the risk of sounding immodest I am one of the greatest lawyers possibly the greatest, to grace the courtrooms of this commonwealth.
Andjust the possibility ofbeing able to still try cases in the 22nd century Uh I have A.
L.
S.
In a few months, I'll lose motor control control of my bowels.
My brain will begin to And in a year or so, I'll be dead.
Legends shouldn't die like that.
I don't want to die like that.
Cryonics might not work.
But a hundred years ago nobody was talking about cloning or the human genome.
And a hundred years from now, who knows what's possible? I truly truly love life.
And the chance to be living again seems preferable to eternal nothingness.
And, uh, well, What Red Sox fan wouldn't jump at the chance to lie next to Ted Williams? I realize, Your Honor that no judge would do what I'm asking for.
Do it anyway.
Why didn't you tell me you were sick? Because I'm a tree.
When I fall, I want it to be in a forest.
What the hell's that mean? It means I didn't want anybody to know.
I don't want to be pitied.
- All I want is to be - Denny Crane.
Mine's bigger.
You know I've always admired you, Milton.
I'm not dead yet.
When is the judge gonna rule? He said by tonight.
I grew up watching Walter Cronkite.
It was a time the news seemed to be fair objective, trusted.
In fact, whenever we doubted the blather coming out of the politicians' mouths it was the press we turned to to get a sense of the truth.
Well, Walter Cronkite has definitely left the building.
When it comes to credibility big media is dead.
Networks pander.
Some to conservatives, others to liberals.
This past election, you could turn to one channel to see President Bush ahead.
Turn to another to see Kerry leading.
Ridiculous.
And I agree with Mr.
Shore.
It's probably more about money than ideology.
And being about money well, why shouldn't networks be free to adopt a bias in hopes of attracting a bigger audience? This is America.
Mr.
Harper I realize times have changed in the high schools as well.
Hate violence is on the rise.
Administrators have to be freer to curtail students' civil liberties including disruptive speech.
But attaching a device to a television that blocks out a certain network because of the content that seems to go too far.
It's censorship, sir.
And I can't let it stand.
The motion for the plaintiff is granted.
I don't know what to say, Mr.
Shore.
- You were incredibly brilliant.
- Yes.
If there's any retribution at the school, let us know.
Yeah, I will.
Thank you both.
Your country thanks you.
- My country thanks me.
- Yeah.
This is where he gives his ruling.
Thank you.
Mr.
Bombay, it seems ironic, if not indecent that the state's interest in preserving life should mandate that you die a wrenching and painful death rather than be frozen in hopes of finding a cure.
But that is the law as it stands today.
We live in a country that celebrates individual liberties and personal autonomy.
But when it comes to controlling your own destiny this is a freedom that does not yet ring.
I will pray for you, but I cannot grant you your request.
Your motion is denied.
God bless you.
I'm sorry.
We can appeal.
Next time I'll close.
That's all right.
That's all right.
I'm heading for Arizona.
Try my luck with the courts down there.
Milton, no court anywhere is going to rule in your favor.
Even so, there's a cryonics facility there.
- Whenever the time comes - Do you know anybody in Arizona? No.
And that's the point.
I don't want to deteriorate in front of my Clearly you're not inclined to follow my advice, but do not go off to die alone.
Hey, you live your way, Shirley.
I'll die mine.
I'm entitled to be remembered for Uh, thank you both for your efforts.
Milton! Milton! We go way back, you and I.
Let's not get carried away.
We were worthy adversaries occasional drinking buddies.
But it's not as if we had great affection for one another.
Anyway We'll see you, Milton.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
See ya.
See ya, Den.
Good-bye, my friend.
Good-bye.
Bye.
- I'm sorry.
- Hey.
People get old, get sick.
It happens to everybody.
How close were you? It's not that we went that deep.
It's we went Way back? You can be larger than life, just not death.
- He went off to Arizona? - Yeah.
I really admired him more than You go through life and you never tell people how much you care about 'em when People should probably do that more, you know? I care about you.
I wasn't fishing for that.
I fish for steelhead, not mush.
I care about you, Denny.
You don't have to say it back.
Wasn't planning to.