Bunk'd (2015) s01e16 Episode Script

1 The pressure is on for young Tiffany.
Will she crack? Will the tower crack? During swimming, will we see Jorge's butt crack? Don't make me laugh.
Nice job, Tiff-dog! Now there's no way you'll beat me.
Mail call, Wood-chumps! Aah! We'll just call it a tie.
In case you're wondering, I did go through all your mail.
And it's as boring as you are! Hey, that's a federal offense.
And offensive! Ooh! My collectible Hunter Hayes mug! His shirt comes off when you pour hot liquid into it.
He's literally too hot to handle.
Which is what the handle says.
(Gasps) Omg! My friend Jasmine wrote me a letter! Where are the words? Oh, she only writes in emoticons.
Her new boyfriend is awesome, she's happy, and she tried calamari for the first time! My pig Velma was voted prettiest pig at the state fair! Huh.
I've never seen a bathing suit with six bikini tops before.
Then I guess you've never shopped at Pig Mart.
Tiffany, what did you get? A birthday card from my mom.
Happy birthday! What does it say? "I'm sorry for your loss.
With measured affection, Mother.
" Geez, birthday cards have gotten bleak.
She's just pointing out that I lost another year of my life, in which I did not change the face of science.
Wow, that's heavy.
Well, what are your birthday parties like? Never had one.
Mom believes in celebrating accomplishments, not the passage of time.
But she said when I get into Harvard, she'll buy me a cake.
And when I graduate, she'll let me eat it! It's like that saying, "You can have your cake and eat it, too," after four years of college.
Well, science doesn't innovate itself.
So, I'm off to discover a new bacterial strain.
If you need me, I'll be swabbing Jorge's socks.
Guys, we should throw Tiffany a surprise birthday party! That's a great idea! I'll contact my party vendors in New York! And I'll use my contacts at Pig Mart.
What? Pigs have parties, too.
In fact, they're off the hoof.
Here we go We're leaving the city behind right now Let's gather by the campfire light And sing this song All: Kikiwaka Hanging out with someone new Then falling out of a camp canoe What's that smell? It's on your shoe All: Kikiwaka Got a s'more in my hair Mosquitos in our underwear Shower's broke but we don't care All: Kikiwaka This is our home away from home away from home away from home But watch your back A bear just ate my phone All: Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka All: Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka All: Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka Okay, Ravi, it's your turn.
I'm going to serve the ball and I want you to volley it back.
You got it, Coach! Just call me Volley Molly! On second thought, that does not make any sense.
Never call me that.
Here it comes, Volley Molly! Ugh! Caught it! Good job.
Usually we try to hit it back, but, you know, baby steps.
Hey, guys, look what I did! Oh, it is Wilson from that movie starring America's favorite guy, Tom Hanks! I have no idea who Wilson is, or that Tom Hanks guy.
This is Earl.
Okay, Grizzlies, I'm gonna serve it.
Call it if it's yours.
My ball! Whoa! Ow, my ankle! Jorge, I am so sorry! My athletic prowess got the best of me.
Are you all right? No! This hurts even worse than when I got my finger caught in that dangerous cheese tray.
That was a mouse trap.
I can't believe poor Tiffany's never had a birthday party before.
We really need to make this great for her.
You're right.
You know what I always loved when I was Tiffany's age? Balloons! We've gotta get balloons! I was thinking bigger than that.
Gotcha.
Hot air balloon.
My cousin's got a basket and a blowtorch.
Done and done.
I think we should have her party in the camp library.
Believe it or not, it's her happy place.
Yeah, 'cause nothing says party like whispering.
Hey, let's throw her a backwoods shindig at The Spot! (Gasps) Brilliant! But let's give it a little New York flair.
Dress code: black ties and cowboy boots.
I am so down for that hoedown! Uh, guys, I don't think she'd like that.
And I know because, I'm very close to Tiffany.
Okay, my bunk is very close to Tiffany's.
Listen, Zuri, you keep Tiffany busy while we plan this rustic chic affair.
Great! Then it's settled.
We'll have her surprise birthday party at The Spot, Friday afternoon.
Awww, they remembered my birthday! So are we going with the hot air balloon? If not, my cousin also rents blimps.
His backyard is huge! Do you think I'll ever sit on the bench again, Coach? Oh, I'm sure you will.
Let's see what the nurse says.
Did somebody call for a nurse? Hazel, what are you doing here? Budget cuts.
Gladys made me Head Nurse.
My diagnosis: handsome-itis.
The treatment: take two of me every day! Boop! Jorge is the patient, not me.
Although I'm suddenly feeling very nauseous.
Then I should examine you.
Volleyball! We've gotta go! Stay strong, my brother! (Exclaims) I don't want you to treat me! You're not a real nurse! That's not true.
I took an online course.
And when it's done buffering, I'll finish it.
You know, my ankle's really not that bad.
I'll just limp it off.
Don't be silly.
You should rest.
Here's the remote for the TV.
I'll turn up the AC.
Why are you being so nice to me? Am I dying? No, I'm just in a good mood.
My friends are throwing me a surprise birthday party.
Time for your ice cream! Earl, mi amigo, we've hit the jackpot.
No, I will not share my ice cream with you! Dairy makes you gassy! Surprise! (Both screaming) I love surprises, don't you? And remember, when it comes to celebrating, I love disco balls, jugglers, and limbo sticks! (Grunts) Oh! She must be drinking the lake water again.
Okay, Zuri, you keep Tiffany, out of the cabin, while we plan her birthday party.
I just booked Lasso Larry! He's the best party cowboy this side of the Mississippi.
In fact, the only one.
Hey, Zuri.
Oh! Hey, Tiffany.
Wanna hang out for three to five hours? Well, I was going to get a snack, then go back to the cabin to study Swahili Uh No, you should do it here! And I would love to study with you.
But in this area only.
Okay, if you want to But I didn't know you were interested in learning Swahili.
Oh, yes, I love all the languages.
I always say, you can never be too lingual.
Great! Hujambo! Gesundheit! No.
That means hello in Swahili.
This is going to be a fun three to five hours.
My dance moves are on fire! (Shudders) My ankle feels stronger than ever! (Knocking at door) (Knocking at door) Come in.
Jorge, you look pale and sweatier than usual.
How are you feeling? Dad? Is that you? No, it is Ravi, and I thought you just sprained your ankle.
Uh, yeah, it spread to my eyes.
So, looks like I'll be in here for a while.
I feel terrible for putting you in this invalid state, and making you miss the Volleyball Tournament.
Is there anything I can do for you? Pray for me.
Now please go, I need to rest.
(Door closes) Hey, Earl, what do you say we crank this game up to level Beginner Plus.
(Music playing on TV) Jorge, I forgot to Give you this "get well" card, but I guess it is moot, because you clearly got well! Did not! I'm completely incapacitated.
I can't help it! I was born to dance! I cannot believe you are milking your injury! Dude, this place has air conditioning, snacks, TV, it's pure luxury! I'd cut off my ankle to stay in here! Plus, I'm totally hooked on this show called Yesterday's Tomorrow.
In other words, today? I don't get what you're saying.
Anyway Why don't you fake an injury and join me in here? I would never! Come on, I could really use the company.
Earl's not much of a talker.
Plus, you'll get out of that Volleyball Tournament.
I do not want out.
I am a valuable asset to the team! I am a person on the team! Suit yourself.
I will.
Shame.
Shame on you.
I can't believe Lasso Larry canceled on Tiffany's party.
Now she'll never know the joy of being roped and hog tied.
Good times.
It's a setback, but I did just land us a Lance Bass impersonator.
Although it might just be him.
(Exclaims) Perfect.
And I got us these! Party planner headsets.
(Gasps) Awesome! We look so cool! Are you there? Sure am! Can you hear me? Yes, I can! Zuri, you're supposed to be on Tiffany watch.
Don't worry, she's translating Crime and Punishment into Swahili.
So I have ten minutes to tell you what her favorite cake is.
That's awesome, but we already got a cake.
It's a buttercream chocolate ganache blend, iced in lingonberry frosting, and sprinkled with salt imported from the Red Sea.
Tiffany just likes vanilla.
Oh, trust me, NYC Magazine called this cake "too good to eat.
" Are you guys forgetting who this party is for? Hey, Good chucks.
How ya doing? Planning something? Ooh, party supplies.
I wonder who that's for.
Guess I'll leave you to it! (Fake coughs) Chocolate cake.
What just happened? I don't know.
Okay, boys.
The tournament is tomorrow, so let's treat this scrimmage like it's the real thing.
Yes, let us scrim like the ferocious beasts we are, and bite our opponents' heads off! Bro, the goal is to beat them, not eat them.
I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it! Whoa! Are you okay? (Girls laughing) Jorge: Dude, this place has air conditioning, snacks, TV, it's pure luxury! No, I am not okay! Take me to the luxury! I mean, the infirmary! And we are finally done! Yep.
Wow! Twenty dollars sure goes a lot further in Maine than it does in Manhattan.
Whooey! Those fancy chocolate-covered strawberries look good enough to eat! You do eat them.
Really? It just keeps getting better and better! Tiffany's gonna love it.
Yeah, what kid doesn't want to play tumbleweed bowling or eat endless amounts of caviar? We thought of everything.
Now all we have to do is wait for the guests to show up.
Oh! We forgot to invite people.
Yep, sure did.
(Growling) (Both gasp) Emma: Looks like we have a party crasher.
Maybe he'll just drop off a present and go (Roars) (Shrieks) Let's run for our lives! No, you never run from a bear! We're going to back away slowly for our lives! You were right, Jorge.
Chillaxing in the infirmary definitely beats being ridiculed at volleyball.
Hey, there's a big brain under this rocking 'do.
How are my two favorite patients? Still in excruciating pain.
An artisan cheese platter might help.
Hey, guys.
Hey, Xandy.
Want me to check your temperature? I bet it's hot.
Hazel, I'm just here to see Ravi and Jorge.
Sure.
See you at my party.
It's a surprise, so shh.
Don't tell me.
Wink.
Who says "wink" when they wink? So, how are you guys feeling? Dad! Is that you? My knee is redder than a baboon's backside.
Bummer.
Guess the Grizzlies will have to forfeit the tournament.
What do you mean? Well, without you guys, we're short a player.
But no worries, just focus on getting better.
And getting Jorge to take a shower.
He is ripe.
Actually, that's Earl.
He hasn't showered since I took him out of the box.
I am so sorry, Xander.
I feel like I have disappointed you.
No way, man.
You gave it your all and that's the best example a CIT can set for his campers.
Now rest up.
I'll smell ya later, Jorge.
I cannot believe I lied to Xander just so I can sit here and binge watch addictive TV.
I know! I'm so proud of you.
Well, you should not be.
As a CIT, it is my job to be a good role model for my campers.
Shame.
Shame on me.
Maybe serving salmon mousse wasn't the best idea in bear territory.
At least the bear left the cake.
Although, I'm slightly offended he didn't even try it.
Well, looks like he's gone.
So let's grab the cake, and get out of here! (Lowing) (Emma gasps) What are you supposed to do when you see a moose? Hide or run.
Well, I'm too scared to move, so I pick hide.
Hop on.
(Squeals) (Moose grunting) (Moose growls) (Both scream) On the bright side, we don't have to invite anyone to the party, because the bear brought a friend.
(Moose growls) He didn't try the cake either.
(Lowing angrily) We're going to need bigger party hats.
(Gasps) Well, Grizzlies, looks like we don't have enough players, so we're gonna have to forfeit the tournament.
Band of volleyball brothers, you do not have to give up the good fight.
For I am here, and I will play! (Team members moan) Come on, give me this.
Ravi, you're willing to play hurt? The truth is I was never hurt.
I faked my injury to avoid playing in the tournament.
But I realize now that it is not about being the best player.
It is about trying, and setting a good example for the campers.
Great.
You learned your lesson on your own.
Saves me some time.
So, let's play some volleyball! Wait, don't start without me! Jorge, you are here! Of course.
You taught me two very important things today.
I should never lie to get out of stuff, and artisan cheese is way better than spray cheese.
I am very proud of you.
Now, let us go out there and serve up a can of "You lose, losers!" Smack talk is not my forte.
Wait, why do we have to study Swahili in the woods? Anyone can speak Swahili in a library, but only a real linguist can do it at The Spot, in precisely three minutes.
Okay, what is going on, Zuri? I'm sorry, but I'm sworn to secrecy.
Surprise! Happy Birthday, Tiffany! Location change! Party in the cabin! Don't tell the moose! Which is right behind us! Surprise again! A birthday party? For me? (Moose lowing) Less gushing, more rushing! (Home team cheering) All right, boys, one more point for the win! (Girls cheering) Ravi, you've got this! (Cheering) Yes! Ravi, you won us the tournament! Way to step up and keep your head in the game.
Literally.
(Scoffs) Thank you, guys.
Dog pile on Ravi! No! (Groans) Ow, my arm! Jorge, I realize this is a dog pile, but please stop licking my shoulder blade.
Gee, I'm out here walking in the woods, not expecting any kind of party for my birthday at all (Bear roars) (Gasps) Please tell me you're a really hairy juggler.
(Bear roars) Guess not.
This is not the kind of surprise I was expecting! I know I've never had a birthday party before, but is there usually a wild animal chase? In some countries.
It just wasn't part of our plan.
But, hey, at least we saved the cake! (Thud) Whoa! My cake! I mean, Tiffany's cake! Not loving the sea salt in my eyes.
Oh, that burns! You know what hurts more than a little sea salt? Showing up at my surprise party, only to get mauled by a bear, and serenaded by a Lance Bass look-alike! He showed up really late.
That's coming out of his pay.
Then to top it all off, I find this! The party wasn't even for me! We're really sorry, Hazel.
We didn't know it was your birthday, too.
Why don't you stay? Have some floor cake.
Forget it! I'm not celebrating my birthday with you losers.
So, girls, top notch party planning.
What's next, a pinata full of bees? Sorry we ruined your birthday, Tiffany.
I'm sorry, too.
Lou, we're over here.
Oh! My bad.
The sea salt has temporarily blinded me.
At least, I hope it's temporary.
You don't need to apologize.
I never thought I'd get to have a party, so, just the fact that you planned anything makes this the best birthday ever! Plus, I got to be in my first stampede.
Well, your birthday's about to get even better.
(Gasps) The lord of the strings quartet! My favorite! How did you know? Because we're marafiki.
Oh my gosh, are you contagious? No.
It means we're friends in Swahili.
Thank you so much, you guys.
Well, let's get these nerds playing.
They're on the clock.
(Playing lively music) I'll serve the cake! (Gasps) I want the rose! No, you don't.
Nurse Hazel, might I trouble you for some tropical fruit punch? No! I'm only serving one kind of punch today.
Abort! Abort! Hazel is back to her old self.
Hide! (Gasps) Do not leave me! Earl, you coward! Time to check your reflexes! I assure you, they are fine.
They won't be when I'm done with them.
Earl!