Ed (2000) s01e16 Episode Script

1 O.
K.
, Mr.
Stevens, how are we feeling today? Mike, this is awkward enough without you doing the big doctor voice.
Take it easy there, Ed.
There's nothing to worry about.
It's just a routine physical.
This from a man I've know since I was five years old.
This from a man I once saw get his head stuck in a banister.
Ed, has anything been bothering you lately? Nope, not really.
Actually there was one thing.
Tell Dr.
Burton.
-Well, the other morning I was getting dressed and, and I reached down to pick up a sock and I heard a I heard a noise.
Noise? What kind of noise? -A crackle.
A crackle? I'd say you got two weeks to live maybe three, if you cut back on the salt.
See, I know it's probably nothing but I never heard a noise like that coming from my body before.
It's kind of depressing.
-You're just getting older, Ed.
It's nothing to worry about.
Now hop off the table.
When is getting older nothing to worry about? Turn your head and cough.
-Excuse me? Turn your head and cough.
-I don't think so.
Yeah, okay.
( rhythm and guitar playing ) .
:: Prijevodi - Online ::.
I'm in the sky tonight There I can keep by your side Watching the wide world right, and hidin' out I'll be comin' home next year.
ED Eight and a halfs.
-Thanks.
-You're welcome.
Hey, Bosco, can we rap? -Sure, Phil, let's rap.
I need a taste.
-What's that mean? -You know, action juice.
You say something.
Then I say something.
And yet I never move any closer to any understanding of what the heck it is you're talking about.
Big Rudy was right, okay? I should not be working on a fixed salary anymore, man.
I need a percentage.
Percentage of what? The lanes, the law practice, shoe rental concessions everything, man.
The whole con-dee-toe.
-Phil, that's just not possible.
And, also, I'm guessing "con-dee-toe" isn't a word in any actual language, is it? All right, you know what? You leave me no alternative.
I hereby resign my position as manager of Stuckey Bowl.
What? Good-bye, Ed Stevens.
We part as friends.
Phil, you're not quitting.
Hi.
Are you Ed Stevens? -Yeah.
William Johnson.
I'm a chemical engineer at a, uh, small industrial ceramics company in Murpheyburg.
Do you like bacon? -I love it.
Why? Is there a place we could speak that's more private? Step into my office, please.
All right.
No, Mark, you can't do your winter report on Johnny Tremaine.
Why not? Because it was written for ten-year-olds.
No, it wasn't.
It won the Newberry Award.
Which is, in fact, an award for children's literature.
Oh, man.
All right, everybody, winter projects start tomorrow.
I've divided you all into groups of four.
And each group will be assigned a truly great work of American fiction other than Johnny Tremaine.
So, check the board on your way out and have a good day.
Miss Vessey? Yes, Warren.
Thank you.
Thank you for putting me with Jessica Martell.
What god have I pleased to deserve such a favor? Thank you, Miss Vessey.
Are you with Jessica? Oh, I wasn't aware of that.
I just sort of assigned those groups at random.
This is no accident of fate, Miss Vessey.
You put me with Jessica because you're an awesome lady.
Yes, you are.
You know, if you think about it, a lesser lady would resent me for turning my affections to someone younger and prett Okay, Warren, that's enough.
Sorry.
These are a sampling of all the commercial brands of bacon available today.
Please, try one.
Okay.
It's fine.
Try another.
Tastes like bacon.
Right.
Now, if you would try this.
Oh my God.
This is the most fantastic piece of bacon I've ever tasted in my life.
I know.
I invented it.
This is fantastic bacon.
I was hoping you could help me get a patent.
What'd you do, invent invent a new pig? It's a combination cyclotron and microwave device that's able to vibrate and agitate a molecule inside of a slice of bacon, thus causing the surrounding molecules to become agitated as well.
Although I can't yet explain why, the result of all this agitation is an increased bacony flavor.
How much does this whole process cost? At present, uh, $2.
300 a slice.
Wow.
That's some pricey breakfast meat.
Yes, but later today, I'm conducting a new test that I believe might lead the way to a more commercially viable price.
All right.
Stop with the bowling and the lawyering.
We've come to take you to lunch.
William Johnson.
Meet Molly Hudson and Carol Vessey.
Hi.
Hello.
I'm Carol.
Um, if we're interrupting anything we could just meet you over at the pie shop.
No, it's okay.
Mr.
Johnson, the first thing I have to do is run a search to see if anything similar has been patented but I'll call you with the results.
Okay.
You're welcome.
Thank you very much.
Uh, perhaps before the pie, you'd like to try some bacon? Yes, of course.
Holy crap.
Hey, you know what, Eddie? That new client of yours? He's kinda cute.
Really? I thought he was kinda dull.
No.
No, he's cute in a sort of absent- minded professor way.
Yep.
MIKE: Absent-minded Professor.
Man, I loved that movie.
Is that the one with the flubber? Ooh, look who it is.
Molly's favorite calculus teacher Jeff Alexander.
Yoo-hoo.
What are you doing? I'm just waving.
-Stop.
Just let him get his coffee and leave.
This is ridiculous.
You like him, right? -Right.
-Well, then go over there and talk to him.
Better yet, ask him out.
-No.
-Ask him out.
No.
No, I stopped asking guys out a long time ago.
Why? -Oh, one simple reason they say no.
Oh, Molly.
-Molly, that's ridiculous.
-Did you hear that? Hear what? -Crackle.
I crackle.
Listen.
I crackled.
I never used to crackle.
All of a sudden, I crackle.
I crack -Okay.
It's called getting old.
Famous Quotes Jessica Martell, prepare to be impressed.
That'll do.
I got a delivery for Mr.
Stanley Glick.
I'm sorry, there's no one here by that I'm Stanley Glick.
Where do I sign? Right here.
Thank you, good sir.
Stanley Glick? Yes.
I use that name on my mail-orders.
Keep me off all the junk mail and telemarketing lists.
So that's why people keep calling and asking for Stanley Glick.
Yeah.
See, it works like a charm.
What did you get? Is it one of those Girls Gone Wild videos? I went wild once on a trip to Scranton, Pennsylvania but no one was there to capture it on videotape.
Shirley.
I hold in my hands the Holy Grail of business success.
Here on these tapes is everything you need to know about how to make friends, influence people and, in my case, get a nice fat raise.
Phil.
I thought you quit.
I don't recall anything of the sort.
Shirley.
Hello.
I'd like the number to the U.
S.
Patent Office, please.
Oh, excuse me.
I have another call.
Hello.
Hey, Ed.
It's Mike.
Hey, Mike, what's up? You know that guy you were talking about at lunch, Willie Johnson? Yeah.
Well, he's in the hospital.
They just called Dr.
Jerome for his records.
Why, what happened? Well, he's unconscious.
There was some kind of accident at the lab.
Okay.
Look, I'm on my way over.
How are you doing there, Mr.
Johnson? Can you hear me? Mr.
Johnson? There you go.
That's it, Mr.
Johnson.
Ah.
Where am I? You're in the hospital.
What happened? Well, the custodian found you on the floor of your lab.
There seems to have been some kind of explosion.
Explosion? Hey.
Hey, Mike.
Hey, Mr.
Johnson.
You okay? I don't know.
Am I? You've got some minor cuts and bruises and we'll need to take some more tests but, as far as we can see, you're just fine.
I remember hearing a big bang.
That's the last thing I remember.
Yeah.
Well, you're a very lucky man, Mr.
Johnson.
According to the paramedics, when your machine exploded it managed to lodge several big pieces of metal in the wall just above your head.
If it had been a few inches lower I-I would have been killed.
Oh, my God, I I almost died.
Uh, Mark, are you telling me you've never read Walden? No.
Me, neither.
What? Have you? I've done more than read it; I've devoured it.
As one devours a a rare steak.
I've sunk my teeth into it and let the blood drip down my chin.
"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
What is called resignation is confirmed desperation.
" Oh, my God.
I think you'll find that on page 111 if I'm not mistaken.
Wow, it's right here.
Yep.
You must, like have some kind of photographic memory or something.
No, no, no, Donna.
You don't memorize great literature with your head.
You simply give it a good home in your heart.
Excuse me, Ed.
Yeah, Phil.
Ed, I just wanted to let you know, Ed that lane 10 is in need of repairs.
You see, Ed, some of the customers have brought it to my attention that the lane maybe isn't as waxed as it ought to be and not Phil? Yes, Ed? Whatcha doing? Nothing, Ed.
I just think it's important, Ed to let the person with whom you are speaking know that you're really listening to him.
Ed.
This is a whole new brand of weirdness.
( phone rings ) Excuse me, Phil.
Stuckey Bowl.
This is Ed Stevens.
What? Well, all right.
You know what? Hang on, I'll be right down.
Phil, call Mike Burton.
Tell him to meet me at the corner of Main and Walnut.
Tell him it's an emergency.
Ed? Yeah? You got it, Ed.
( siren blaring ) Hey, hey, Mr.
Johnson.
Okay.
Hey, Eddie.
How you doing? You know this guy? Yeah, I'm his lawyer.
Well, he's going to need one.
Found him scaling the building.
Why are you scaling the building? Uh, because I've never done it before.
M-Mr.
Johnson, are you okay? Are you feeling all right? I feel great.
Never felt better.
Yeah, I made a decision.
I'm done wasting my life.
I'm living.
You're How'd you get up there? Oh, I just jumped up and grabbed the flagpole and pulled myself up.
You grabbed that flagpole? Yeah, that one there.
That flagpole there? Hey, Mr.
Johnson, how'd you get out of the hospital? -Oh, uh, I walked out.
All right, you're under arrest for disturbing the peace and reckless endangerment.
-I'm under arrest.
-Let's go.
Hey, listen, I'll meet you downtown.
Oh, I'm not worried.
I never felt better.
For a couple minutes there, I was the human fly.
How you doing? I'm getting arrested.
Mike, is he okay? He seems like a totally different guy.
Yeah, I know.
Physically, he's fine.
I, I think he's suffering some kind of post-traumatic stress disorder.
Really? It's pretty common among people who've had near-death experiences.
We should get him to a psychiatrist.
-Yeah.
What? -Nothing.
What are you looking at? Ed, what are you doing? -Well, he's he's in his mid-40s.
I'm 32.
How come he can grab the flagpole and I can't? You are one embarrassing human being.
( clears throat ) Oh, hey.
Did you guys read any of this last night? I read a little.
It was kind of interesting.
I, I thought it was incredible.
I am so not into this.
I mean, all this Thoreau guy does is like, talk about stuff.
I mean, at least Johnny Tremaine messed up his hand.
Yeah, but, I got to say, I actually read the first three chapters last night.
I mean, I re-read the first three chapters last night and whoa.
Whoa? I mean, this guy just picked up and moved into the woods.
Just one day "I'm going to the woods.
" And he spent like two years in there, or something.
Well, that's great, Cheswick, but I need at least a "C-" on this project to pass English, so Right, but forget about grades for a second.
I mean, this book is, like giving you the answer to life and stuff.
He's telling us that the key is to simplify life you know? Don't go work in some crummy job so you can buy stuff.
You just have to keep working more and more so you can buy more stuff.
Just give up the stuff.
No more stuff.
You just have to appreciate the simple things like nature Uh, I, I love what he writes in the inscription.
He says, "I do not propose "to write an ode to dejection "but to brag as lustily "as chanticleer in the morning standing on his roost, if only to wake the neighbors up.
" Exactly.
That's it.
I mean, he's got the answer and he's trying to tell everybody, "Get out of the rat race.
Simplify.
" This is just a big wake-up call.
Uh, I whatever.
I only read the first three chapters, so the rest might suck.
In all his 47 years as a resident of Stuckeyville he has never once gotten in any kind of trouble Your Honor, if I might.
The United States of America is a country forged in the fires of revolution.
Our very founding fathers gave their lives for the freedom that we enjoy today but freedom comes with responsibility.
On top of the shoulders of responsibility sits the dour face of justice.
Mr.
Johnson Yes, Your Honor, justice is blind but I beseech you do not confuse her blindness for indiscretion.
Hey, Mr.
Johnson.
Excuse me a moment.
What are you doing? Well, I've never been on trial before.
I just want to make the most of it.
Your Honor, Mr.
Johnson has recently had a near-death experience.
He's not been thinking clearly.
So I see.
All right, I'll dismiss the charges.
But, Mr.
Johnson I don't want to see you here again.
Thank you, Your Honor.
Well, so much for that.
Well done, Ed.
Mr.
Johnson, I would like you to go see Dr.
Louise Meyer.
She's a psychiatrist.
I think she can help you.
Me? You're the one that needs a psychiatrist.
How's that? Oh, yes, you, all of you the judge, the bailiff, that lady that guy over there, everybody outside.
You're all wasting your lives doing nothing, while I'm living.
That may be, but I'm worried about No, no, no, Ed, don't worry.
I, I want you to enjoy yourself.
Want you to have some fun.
Yeah, why don't you let me buy you a drink at the Smiling Goat place.
That's really not necessary.
I insist.
And, uh, Ed, bring the girls.
( Latin dance music playing ) Boy, oh, boy, do I hate dancing.
Why sit when you can conga? Look at this guy.
He's got a whole new philosophy for his life but what's the point? And he's ruining the elaborate illusion I've created for Nancy that I'm the most exciting human being on the planet.
It doesn't matter how many buildings you scale it doesn't change one essential fact: life is temporary.
You're one depressing date.
Yeah.
Ed, you crackled you couldn't reach a flagpole big deal.
Yeah, big deal.
There's things you can do.
I, I for one am a firm believer in the "use it or lose it" philosophy.
Use it or lose it? Yeah, you're going to hate it, that's a given but the more active you are the more you can delay it and, and let's face it, your lifestyle's changed.
You're not as active as you were when you were 18.
Yeah, I guess I'm not.
Come on, honey.
Let's dance.
Okay, honey.
Where did you find him? He is great.
He's not great.
He's suffering from post- traumatic stress disorder.
Oh, somebody's jealous.
I'm not jealous.
Listen, why just sit there when you can rumba? I don't want to dance.
Oh, yeah.
I'm not in the mood.
Come on, old man.
I am a strong and powerful man.
I am a king surveying his kingdom.
I am a victorious general sucking on the spoils of war.
Shirley, what's going on here? I am the sun and the moon and the planets.
Phil got some self- improvement tapes.
He thinks they'll help him get a raise.
Is that right? Because I am going to succeed like a champ! Can I get a pair of 9hs? -Yeah, sure.
Okay then.
All right, I'm here.
What is it? What's that? That's my journal.
You brought me down here to look at your diary? My journal.
Ed, Lewis and Clark had a journal.
You, my friend, have a diary.
Mike, I've been over thinking this whole thing, you know? It is way too early to think about getting old.
Good.
That's what I've been trying to tell you.
Yeah.
'Cause I'm going through my journal.
Right? From when I'm 18.
I found this same week, but back then, you know what? I can still do all this stuff.
No, you can't, but that's not the point I was trying to make.
Yes, I can, and furthermore, I'm going to prove it.
All this stuff I did that week when I was 18 I'm going to do this week.
"Use it or lose it.
" Right? Ed, you know, now that I'm your doctor it's my obligation to tell you that, medically speaking Yeah? You have a brain the size of a marble.
Oh, yeah, and it's going to be great.
Like, all of a sudden, just like that, I'm 18 again.
Hi.
Hel-lo.
Was that, "Hello"? I just thought I'd spice it up a little bit.
I mean, why just say "hello" when you can say, "hel-lo"? Molls, you been hitting the rum cake again? I have got some good news.
What's that? Guess who asked me out to dinner tonight? Oh.
Jeff Alexander.
I knew it.
No.
Willie Johnson.
Really? Yeah, he-he called me up last night and asked me out to dinner, just like that.
So, just the two of you or Yeah, just me and him, as in a date.
I have a date with Willie Johnson.
That's great.
It's great, Molls.
Really, that's fantastic.
Wow.
I mean, what a guy, right? Yeah.
Yeah, he's smart, funny, uh, great dancer.
We know that.
Oh, that he can.
Hey, Miss Vessey.
Hi, Warren.
I've been looking all over for you.
I got to show you something.
What's that? Uh Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Okay.
Listen to this.
"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately "to front only the essential facts of life "and see if I could not learn what it had to teach and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.
" Was this guy cool, or what? Yeah, Henry David Thoreau was definitely cool.
I'd say he was.
Yeah, an-and he tells you how to make, um, genuine hoecakes from Indian meal and salt.
He said when Good-bye, Warren.
Okay.
All right, I'm going to go.
Why on earth is it so important to you to eat two pies? Ed found his "journal" from when he was 18.
He's trying to prove that he can still do all the things now that he did back in that same week in 1987.
Oh, so on this glorious day, he ate two pies? That's right, my friend, on this day I became a member of the Two Pie Club.
Where am I? Let's, let's see.
Where am I? Let's see, see.
Let's see.
Where am I? You're right there, Ed.
There I am.
You know you're right there.
That's me there.
Now, let's find you, Mike.
Let's see.
We both know I'm not up there, Ed.
Why is that, Mike? I couldn't eat two pies.
I'm sorry, I can't hear you.
I couldn't eat two pies.
Couldn't eat two pies.
That guy could eat two pies.
Oh, yeah.
I mean you know what it's all about, don't you? Sunrises.
Sunrises? Oh, yes.
Every time the big yellow ball comes up and the planetary light switches on, it's an opportunity.
An opportunity to do what? To do what? Everything.
To do everything.
It's all out there.
for hitting my snooze button over and over every morning.
Are you ready to order? Oh, sure.
Hey, you know what? Let's hear some specials.
You have any specials? Yes, we have several main course specials this evening.
We have a pan-fried catfish in garlic butter a homemade risotto Bolognese with capers and olives.
Mmm.
18-ounce prime rib of beef which is served with new potatoes and a medley of grilled vegetables.
We also have fresh Alaskan king crab.
And an angel-hair pasta with rock shrimp and a pesto sauce.
Great.
I'm sorry, which, which did you like? Bring 'em all.
Why try one thing when you can have everything? Say, are you up for that? Sure, bring it all.
All right.
Here you go.
Sure you just you don't want to go home? You can stay over our place.
I'm all right.
( laughing ) Oh, my God.
Hello.
Phil, what's with the getup? It's called role-modeling.
There's no faster way to get to the top than by dressing like the boss.
I even got his ridiculous haircut.
Okay.
I give up.
Uncle.
Okay? You can have five percent of the shoe return.
You're tickling my chain.
I'm not tickling anything.
Just tell me you'll go back to being normal or whatever it was you were before.
Oh, Ed.
It is such a rarity that in this doggy-dog world of ours there is actually a man who is willing to share the wealth.
It's, um "dog-eat-dog" world, actually not "doggy-dog.
" No, it's "doggy-dog" world.
You know, like we're all dogs.
( sighing contentedly ) I had a really great time tonight.
Yeah, me, too.
Hey, Molly.
I know everyone thinks I've gone crazy, but I haven't.
I mean, everybody out there wants to sip at life.
I want to gulp it and guzzle it.
I got a wake-up call.
What would be crazy is to not answer it, you know? I don't think you're crazy.
Can I ask you a question? Sure.
Why me? Why not Carol? Because you're more fearless.
Good night.
Good night.
Ed.
What? What's the matter with you? Too much pie.
See, that's no way to live.
"Simplify, simplify.
"Instead of three meals a day, if it be necessary "eat but one.
"Instead of a hundred dishes, five and reduce other things in proportion.
" This is -Walden.
Ed, there comes a time in every man's life when he's got to make some decisions.
Decisions about what?- Decisions about how he's going to live his life.
About how he's going to conduct his affairs.
I'm going to live my life by not eating any more pie.
I'm thinking of spending some time in the woods.
Like Thoreau? -Yeah, that's right.
He went into the woods to live deliberately.
I want to start living deliberately.
Okay.
How do you propose to do that? I'm going to go to the top of Mount Precipice and spend the weekend in the woods.
I'll see what it's like to simplify my life.
( groans ) Mount Precipice, huh? I forgot about that.
Precipice.
When I was in high school I used to get up before dawn and run to the top of Mount Precipice.
Full backpack on my back.
I used to be able to do it in.
( turning page ) one hour, eight minutes, 42 seconds.
That's not a bad time, huh? Time.
"Time is but the stream I go a-fishin' in.
" Yeah, I'd run up there.
You know, I'd sit back and kind of rock look out and watch the sun rise and I'd do exactly what you're doing now.
Trying to make decisions on how to live my life.
Now I wonder why I bother.
Whoo.
Okay, you're bringing me down.
Sorry, Warren.
What can I do for you? Well, Mount Precipice is a public park, right? And it closes after sundown.
So I was just wondering if you knew if I could get into any, like legal trouble if I stay there overnight or, I, they'd be cool? Well, Warren, as your lawyer I can't encourage you to break the law but between you and me, if you get caught you only get a slap on the wrist.
All right.
Ed.
Shirley.
There is a gentleman bowling naked on lane 6.
You don't see that every day.
( crowd whooping ) JOHNSON: Eddie.
You ever bowl naked? Can't say I have.
Well, why in the world not? Okay.
Willie, let me cut through the legalese as best I can here.
You can't bowl naked.
Why not? Well, uh I brought you something.
Brought me something.
Wrote it in three days.
Printed it up on the printer there and made the cover myself.
Do Everything.
Willie Johnson's Guide to Life.
Well, I figured it was time to spread the word.
This book embodies my basic two-word philosophy on life: "Do everything.
" Mr.
Johnson Willie you understand that if you get arrested again for disturbing the peace you could very well end up going to jail.
"Disturbing the peace.
" What's wrong with disturbing the peace? The peace needs to be disturbed! -Well We all get one dance and then we're asked to leave the party.
Why should the ultimate goal be to not make waves? I want to make waves, Ed! I want to make big, giant, sloppy splashes! I want to stand up and tell the world that while he was here Willie Johnson did everything! Blanket.
( bell rings ) Jessica.
Hi, Warren.
I read some more Walden last night.
It really is pretty cool.
It's great to hear you say that because I got something I want to tell you.
What? I'm going to take to the woods and I want you to come with me.
What do you mean? I mean a life of simplicity.
We must take to the woods, Jessica, and live deliberately.
Okay.
Well, like, when you keep saying "take to the woods" what do you mean exactly? Check it out.
Let's go to the top of Mount Precipice spend the weekend there, just you and me just away from the, the industrial world with all its machines and madness and we'll live simply in nature.
I urge you, Jessica.
We got to do this.
Let's take to the woods.
Gee, Warren, that sounds pretty cool, but Yeah.
I don't think my parents would go for that.
Well, well well, why don't you tell them that it's for a report on Walden.
Well, let me think about it.
Okay.
Okay.
Do you really think that Jessica Martell is what Henry David had in mind when he said "simplify"? Hmm? Um Ed? Ed? Ed? Oh, my God.
Ed! I'm up.
Are, are you okay? What happened? Hey.
Hi.
I kind of passed out, I guess.
Okay, oh, my God.
Let's call Mike.
We'll just, we'll call him right now.
No.
I'm okay, I'm okay I'm fine.
Wh-what were you doing? I was trying to bowl ( mumbling ) What did you say? I I tried to ( chuckles ) bowl 50 games without sleeping.
Why? Well, uh ( sighs ) ( chuckling ): Oh.
Yeah.
See, you remember that charity bowl-a-thon our senior year? You were there, right? Yeah.
The one for the Norwegian kid who hurt himself in the fishing accident, right? Yeah.
Well, I thought I'd I'm starting to worry about you.
I'm fine.
You know, most people go through a mid-life crisis.
You're going through a a one-third life crisis.
I'm not 18 anymore.
Hey, teach.
I got you one of each.
Thanks! What are you doing here? Well, I, uh, just wanted to come by and let you know what an unbelievably great time I had the other night.
No, me, too.
Yeah? Best date I have had in ever, actually.
Oh, yeah? Uh, I also wanted to let you know that I was, uh leaving town.
What? Well, there's just so much for me to do out there and I wasted a lot of time.
So, now I just got to go and start doing and seeing Wow! Wow, I-I-I kind of thought when I saw you that you were going to ask me out again.
Oh, I'd like to ask you out again.
Well, I'll be back.
You know, at some point.
In the meantime, I got to get out there and start doing everything! Right.
Well, under that general umbrella of "doing everything" is dropping me a postcard every once in a while.
Oh, you can count on that.
I don't suppose, uh, kissing you good-bye in front of all these students probably Probably not.
Of course not.
Well, then, until next time.
Bye.
Bye.
MAN: Willie Johnson? That's me.
You are under arrest for public display of nudity disorderly conduct and disturbing the peace.
You got me again.
Uh, wait a second.
No, no, no.
It's okay.
It turns out disturbing the peace is what I do best.
Gentlemen.
I'll, I'll call Ed for you.
All righty! Which way, fellas? This way.
Fine! Mr.
Stevens, do you have anything to say on behalf of your client before I render my decision? Yes, I do.
( clears throat ) Your Honor, life doesn't last forever.
You get old, you die.
So, why bother trying to figure out how to live? Why not just give up? But Willie Johnson here came face-to-face with death.
When he got his life back after it'd had been hanging by a thread he decided giving up was for the birds.
He decided he was going to begin by living deliberately.
Now, for him, this meant maximizing every moment of his life by doing everything.
Doing everything.
Now, is this system right? Is it wrong? I don't know.
Does the system need a little refinement so we all don't end up watching him bowl naked? Probably.
But we shouldn't punish him while he works out the kinks.
We should throw him a parade for having decided how to live.
Your Honor, Willie Johnson is planning on leaving Stuckeyville tomorrow.
Let him go.
He hasn't really hurt anyone.
Thank you.
Well, Mr.
Johnson, I sympathize with your near-death experience.
I once had a little incident with my pool heater.
Still, I can't let these incidents go completely unpunished.
I find you guilty of disturbing the peace and I think one night in jail just might do you some good.
Your Honor, please.
No, no.
Ed, this is, this is okay.
I've never spent the night in jail.
Sounds like it might be really exciting.
( gavel pounds ) Willie, you are incredible.
Thanks for everything, Ed.
Good luck.
Thank you.
, I'm already missing him.
Aw Oh, Molls, he'll probably be back soon.
I mean, it can't take that long to do everything, can it? Yeah.
Hey, Molly, Molly, Molly.
Look over there.
MIKE: Hey, isn't that the guy you had a crush on? How did you know about that? I pick things up, sister.
Molls Molls, you got to go over there and ask him out right now, come on.
Sure.
Why not? Hi, Jeff.
Hi, Molly.
How you been? Good.
I'm a little bit behind in my book club reading, so don't tell the others.
Listen, um, I was wondering if you want to have drinks sometime or grab some dinner.
Sure.
That'd be great.
Great.
Um Oh, can I borrow that? Okay, here is my number.
Call me.
Whenever.
I'll do that.
Great.
Molly, yoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo.
( laughing ) Oh, my God.
Look.
( gasps ) What? ( laughing ) Willie, what are you doing? Well, I I realized that I'd never ridden off into the sunset before.
I'm sure there's a sunset out there somewhere, sir.
Have fun doing everything.
We'll see you, Miss Molly.
( horse neighs ) Mr.
Johnson! Bye! Bye! ( buzzing ) ( buzzing continues ) We've been through some things together With throngs of memories still to come We found things to do in stormy weather Long may you run Long may you run Long may you run Although these changes have come With your chrome watch shinin' in the sun Long may you run.
( panting ) ( watch beeping ) Ed, my good man.
Warren.
Hey, what was your time? Did you make it? Well, no.
37 minutes too slow.
That sucks.
You didn't make it, hmm.
It's okay.
( sighs ) How are you doing? I went to the woods to live deliberately.
And? -Well, I learned this at least by my experiment: That if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
If you build castles in the air, your work will then be lost.
That is where they should be; not with the foundations under them.
Hey, you know that, too.
-I took high school English.
God, it's beautiful.
Hey, you want a Lifesaver? Warren, breakfast is ready.
All right.
Trust me, Ed.
Simplify.
Simplify.
Hey, hey, you want to join us for breakfast? No.
No, thanks.
All right.
Simplify.
Simplify.
Do everything.