Empty Nest (1988) s01e16 Episode Script

Life goes on and so do we just how we do it is no mystery Sometimes the answer can be hard to find That's something I will never be I'm always here for anything that you need rain or shine I'll be the one to share it all as life goes on We share it all as life goes on listen to this! "Ramirez was ahead on points when Collins caught him "with a vicious right hand to the head "that sent his mouthpiece flying and opened a huge, bloody gash over his left eye.
" Your mother couldn't give me just one boy? Oh, look at this! There's a panty-hose sale at sak's.
Morning, everybody.
Hey.
Panty-hose sale.
What's with the telescope, Charley? That's what I came by to show you guys.
Borrowed this from a buddy of mine on the cruise ship.
I'm gonna set it up tonight.
There's going to be a full moon.
A full moon? That should be great.
Yeah, it should provide just the right lighting to watch the pool party at the Tucker place.
Charley, don't you have something better to do with your evening? As a matter of fact Thank you very much I do.
This is just a minor diversion until my late date with Darlene.
Darlene Let me guess biochemist? No, but who knows what she might have become if she hadn't gotten sidetracked into that exotic dancing thing.
Charley, where do you find these people? Well, this particular one fell right off the stage into my lap.
Talk about your sure things.
This girl only knows two words: "Yes" and "now.
" Charley's not the only one with a date tonight.
Oh, and who is the lucky guy? His name is Kevin.
Kevin isn't that that cute guy from your health club you told me about? I lifted weights every day for almost a month before I finally got him to ask me out.
One more week, and I could have physically intimidated him into it.
Listen, I was thinking.
It might be kind of nice if I made dinner for the two of us, so I would appreciate it if you would make yourself scarce just till around 9:00.
Oh, but if the porch light is off when you come home, that means I don't want to know what that means.
I will stay out till 10:00.
I got to go.
I'm on stakeout.
There's this guy that's been laundering money for this car-theft ring, and last night, we got a tip that it's going down today.
Good luck.
I got to go.
I got to stop at the hospital.
One of the orthopedic surgeons asked me to consult on this little girl.
He's you have a good date.
Bye, daddy.
Charley, you put that telescope away! Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Got it.
No, Mrs.
wieland.
That's a very detailed description.
No need to bring the diaper in too.
Bye-bye.
Good morning, Laverne.
Mrs.
beemer called.
Seems the baby prefers her left breast.
What concerns her is, so does Mr.
beemer.
And, uh, Mrs.
wieland called again.
Not another diaper description.
That cute little nurse from radiology is free now if you want to ask her out.
I beg your pardon.
Don't play coy with me.
I seen the way you been eyein' her.
And according to the hospital grapevine, little miss X-ray wouldn't mind getting you between those lead sheets, sir, oh, Laverne.
Well, I only bring this up.
Because if you are going to ask her out, tonight is the night to do it.
Full moon only comes once a month.
What does a full moon have to do with anything? For a doctor, you don't know much, do you? Very strange and magical and romantic things happen under a full moon.
Laverne, you don't believe that.
It's true.
Nick and I met on the night of a full moon.
That could have happened anytime.
Not really.
If the moon hadn't been full, Nick wouldn't have been staring at it, and if he hadn't been staring at it, he wouldn't have crashed his pickup into the tree in our front yard.
And if he hadn't crashed into the tree, my daddy, who was on the top limb picking apples at the time, wouldn't have got so ticked off, and I wouldn't have wound up having to pick buckshot from Nick's more-intimate parts.
And I can tell you for a fact, if that hadn't happened, we wouldn't be married today.
I don't know.
You might have met at a mixer.
Okay, Billy boy, my Billy.
There you go.
You were the best patient of the day.
See ya.
You were the last patient of the day.
Now, ain't that full moon pretty? It is nice.
You know, I'm not allowed to go home while Carol's entertaining her friend.
I think I will drop by radiology and see if that lady has any plans for the evening.
- Don't.
- Why not? Hospital grapevine got it a little mixed up.
Turns out it's Dr.
west she likes; You shouldn' take it or leave.
Oh.
Well, just as well.
You don't want to get involved with a woman who works with x-rays for a living.
One day, she's sweet as punch.
Next day, she comes home.
She's 30 feet tall.
But don't worry.
You know, the moon won't let you down.
Somebody'll turn up when you least expect it.
The Dr.
Weston? Oh.
Uh, yes? My name is Dr.
kenney.
Dr.
kenney, what can I do for you? For starters, you can leave my patients the hell alone.
Pardon? You saw Jenny Hopkins at the hospital this morning.
You changed her medication.
That's right.
The attending surgeon asked me to consult.
Well, I hope you're pleased, doctor.
It wasn't easy to win that little girl's trust and confidence, and now you've managed to undermine it.
Excuse me.
Wait just a minute.
You older doctors really get me.
Oh, older doctors? Older doctors? You You young Woman.
Oh, yeah.
She's gonna be reeling from that one for quite a while.
Dreyfuss, I've got my hands full.
Can you get that? Don't touch that dress.
That's what I'm wearing for Kevin tonight.
Hello.
Oh, hi.
Kevin.
I was just talking to someone about you.
Hey, listen.
I hope you're hungry.
I have got enough food here Oh? No, no.
Of course.
I understand.
I mean, these things happen.
A rain check? Of course.
A rain check.
Right.
Bye.
A rain check.
What does he think I am, the New York mets? I thought for sure it would go down tonight.
Yeah, me too.
Hey, is anything happening out there? Yeah, we're getting bored.
How about calling it a day? Yeah, well, take off.
Ah, don't worry.
We'll catch 'em tomorrow.
Right.
Why don't you go home, Doug? I'll clean up.
- Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow.
- Okay.
Damn criminal.
They say they're gonna show.
They don't show.
Their word means nothing.
That's it.
Take the bait.
Police! Freeze! All right, hands against the wall and spread 'em! You have just bought yourself some serious jail time, buddy.
Okay, now, nice and easy, put your hands on top of your head.
That's it.
Now turn around slowly.
Brad? Barbara? God.
You're even more beautiful than when we were dating.
I don't believe this.
You've changed your hair since high school.
I like it this way.
Brad, do you understand what's happening here? These are marked bills.
You're going to prison.
Yeah.
Well, it had to happen sooner or later.
In a way, it's kind of a relief.
It's a perm, isn't it? I like the way it frames your face.
Where did I put my cuffs? Still misplacing things, huh? Oh, I think they're over there.
Keep your hands on top of your head.
Sorry.
Gawd.
Barbara, god.
Yeah, I can't tell you how often I thought about you.
I always picture you in that dress you were wearing the last time I saw you, the, uh, the pink one with the little straps and the neckline.
Brad, I've never had to tell a suspect this before, but stop reminiscing.
And it was more salmon than pink.
Let's go.
Hey, Barbara, wait.
Before we go, there's something I got to know, something at's been eating away at me since high school.
What? Well, if you weren't ready to make love with me that night, why didn't you talk to me about it? But to just stop seeing me with no explanation I never understood that.
It really hurt.
What are you talking about? I waited at my house for you for hours.
You never showed.
Yeah, well, that's because we were supposed to meet at my place.
We changed plans, remember? You didn't tell me about any change of plans? Barbara, I wrote you a note and taped it inside your locker.
Well, I never saw any note.
Oh, my god.
What? What did the note say? I don't know.
Something like, uh, "meet me at my place.
I can't wait to get you into bed.
" Something like that.
Why? I meant to tell you.
I switched lockers with Seymour WASSERMAN the day before.
You mean my "I can't wait to get you into bed" note went to Seymour WASSERMAN? Well, that certainly explains his behavior at the prom.
I'm sorry, Brad.
Let me see if I understand this.
If not for the locker mix-up, we would've made love that night.
We would've kept seeing each other.
God, who knows, our whole lives might have turned out entirely different.
Certainly, Seymour WASSERMAN would have stopped leaving messages on my machine.
Brad, you could have tried to get me back.
You could have tried to explain.
Ah, I did.
I must've called you about a thousand times, and every time, you hung up on me.
Well, why didn't you come by, then? I did, but you had your sister answer the door and say that you weren't home.
And the whole time, I could see you peeking through the curtains.
How is your sister? Same.
Oh.
God, Barbara.
I loved you so much.
That was high school, Brad.
Everything feels like love in high school.
No, Barbara, this was special.
No one's made me feel this good since.
Hey, Barbara, tell me you don't sometimes still think about me.
Brad, you're under arrest, okay? It doesn't matter what I think.
It matters to me.
Damn you, Brad! I mean, what kind of criminal are you, anyway? Didn't you think maybe this place could be staked out? Of course.
I waited till I saw the cop leave.
We work in pairs.
Everybody knows that.
Yeah, well, I guess I wasn't thinking! I guess not! Brad, what are you doing? Barbara, fate drove us apart that night seven years ago.
Now fate has brought us back together again.
Don't you see? We've been given a chance to make up for what we lost that night.
Brad, I don't Ten years Barbara, I'm looking at six to ten years in prison.
Please, give me memory to take with me.
Make mo feel like I haven't felt since high school.
When you and I were in love.
I can't believe I'm doing this.
It goes against a lot of my training.
Uh, yes.
West Side animal shelter? Yes, my dog's run off, and I'm wondering if maybe you picked him up.
His name is dreyfuss.
He's part St.
Bernard, part retriever, and he does this cute little thing with his eyebrows.
Well, they sort of go up and down.
Well, no, actually.
One goes up while the other's down, and then the other You'd you'd really have to see it.
So he's not there, huh? No.
I've already called all the other shelters.
I have driven all over the neighborhood.
Right.
Well, my phone number's on his collar if he should turn up.
Thank you.
Oh, dreyfuss! Dreyfuss! Oh, thank god! I was so worried about you.
Oh, where did you find him? Well, actually, he sort of found us.
I was walking her in the park, and he showed up.
I i think he likes her.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you so much.
Alan.
Alan braddock.
Carol Weston.
Uh, hi.
Uh, this is Maggie.
Maggie? Yeah, I named her after Margaret Thatcher.
She also takes a conservative approach to politics and the economy.
I'm kidding.
She looked like a Maggie.
I mean Uh Well, uh, look, you know, I tried calling the number on the caller, but first there was no answer, then a line was busy.
Oh, well, I was out looking for him, and and then I was calling the shelters, so I figured.
Uh, I thought I'd just bring him by, you know.
I'm glad you did.
Yeah, well, uh Okay, um, uh Okay, I'm going to, uh, uh Listen.
How would you feel about having dinner with me tonight? I mean, I know this is last-minute, but in my defense, I didn't know you till about a minute ago.
Yes.
Really? Hey, that's Great.
I i know a wonderful little restaurant on the beach.
They have these softshell crabs that are just a oh.
Oh, wait.
I got Maggie.
Oh, well, you can leave her here.
- You don't mind? - No.
Terrific.
I don't know about you, but I'm having a pretty good time already.
I'll see you in a while, sweetheart.
Be back in a while.
Well, uh, shall we? Jeez, it's a beautiful moon, isn't it? Very.
Wow That was so good.
And I was working with only one hand.
You did good.
You know, I never thought it could surpass seven years of fantasies, but it did.
Brad, there's something I have to say to you, and I don't want you to take it the wrong way.
What? - Brad - Yeah? You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be held against you hey, Barbara, Barbara.
You think you could read me my rights later? It kind of hurts he mood.
Brad, I wish I could let you go.
I really do, but I can't.
I know.
Okay, let's go.
Barbara.
Yeah? When I get out, would you mind if I looked you up? I'd like that.
- Barbara.
- Yes? Now, I know this isn't procedure, but do you think we could get 'em to take a mug shot of the two of us? And after being informed by the warden that stabbings, rioting, and rapes are an everyday prison occurrence, the vice president replied, "people like that ought to be locked up.
" And now turning to the weather Oh, my, the time.
Excuse me.
May I come in? Sorry.
I couldn't hear what you said.
You know how it is with those older doctors.
I deserved that.
Look, I came by here to apologize.
I was rude and unprofessional, and I'm really very sorry.
Apology accepted.
Thank you.
I appreciate you being so decent about this.
I mean, really, I'm not usually that hot-tempered, but I had just come from the parking lot, where somebody put a big dent in my car, and I'm afraid I took some of my anger out on you.
I don't know.
I think I was in a strange mood myself.
I was having this silly argument.
With my nurse.
About the moon.
And what about it? Well, she is convinced that a full moon somehow brings about romance.
She really believes that? Oh, yes.
Yes, she does.
You would think that somebody in the medical profession would be a little more scientific, but Laverne Laverne has those that of down-home notions.
Well, it is a very pretty moon.
Yes.
Yes, it is.
But of course it's silly to think the moon has any special power over you.
But then, I never had any Patience for those mystical arts, you know, channeling and crystals and that sort of thing.
I'm exactly the same way.
A little devil worship now and again, maybe.
Otherwise Listen, I think I'm about to kiss you.
I think I'm about to let you.
That's good, because I find when it's a two-way thing, it's usually just so much better Yum.
Uh Before this goes any further, I think I better ask you, just how serious are you about this woman in radiology? I hardly know her.
Well, I heard there was something going on.
No, no, no, no.
That's that Dr.
west.
Oh.
You have a very bad hospital grapevine here.
I know.
I know.
- You haven't eaten? - No.
I will feed you.
I will take you to the most wonderful restaurant.
Morning, Carol.
Good morning, Barbara.
How was your date? Very nice.
And your stakeout? Fine.
Good morning.
How was your night, daddy? Very full.
Well, I just had one of the worst nights of my life.
Darlene, my sure thing, picked last night of all nights to mend her ways.
She decides, she's going back to school.
She wants to work with under-privileged children, if you can believe that.
This from the woman who once made it on a high wire with one of the flying barzone brothers.
If I ever see another full moon as long as I live, it'll be too soon.
They're bad news.