Evening Shade s01e16 Episode Script

It's late afternoon in Evening Shade, and spring is still weeks away.
But a few places in town are starting to get rather hot.
One is the Newton kitchen where Wood Newton is concocting a batch of chili.
Another is the Evening Shade Argus, where Evan Evans is waging a war of words with Vernon Moody over an upcoming bond issue.
More chili powder.
More chili powder.
That chili done yet? It didn't take Oppenheimer that long to develop the atomic bomb.
Yeah, well, the atomic bomb didn't have the punch that my chili does.
Boy, it sounds awful.
I can hardly wait.
Oh, well, thank you very much.
I really want to have an opinion from a man who has so many opinions.
What's that supposed to mean? Well, I was I was reading your editorial page this morning, and you seem to have the answer to everything.
Oh, you didn't agree with it, huh? Well, maybe you should write a letter to the editor.
Oh, no, thank you.
No, thank you.
I saw what you did to Vernon Moody.
He wrote a letter to the editor, and you called him an idiot.
Oh, I didn't call him that.
I just said his argument against the bond issue was narrow-minded and misinformed.
That's what I said you called him an idiot.
Well, he is an idiot.
His oars have never touched the water since they shut down his incubator.
Dad? Hmm? Is the chili ready yet? In a second, honey.
Why don't you finish putting the silverware out there? Guess what? What? I just took my training wheels off my bike.
Well, good for you.
How far did you travel? Not very far.
You want to see where I fell off? Well, maybe later.
Uh I got an A on my English test from Old Lady Morrison.
Now, darlin', that's no way to talk about your teacher.
Yeah, your grandfather's right.
You should have more respect for Old Lady Morrison.
Yeah, I remember when she was Legs Morrison.
I couldn't get a date.
That was, uh Well, let's just drop it.
Okay, kids, go get washed up, okay? Oh, Taylor, you didn't bring the firewood, right? Oh, I'm sorry.
Is supper ready yet? Almost.
Hey, everybody.
Hi, Mom.
Hi, Daddy.
Hi, honey.
Am I late? No, no, no.
It's just I think I'd better dish this chili up right away before it burns a hole in the pot.
I'm so glad to see you.
Hi, sweetheart.
Taylor, go see who's at the door.
Sure thing, Mom.
I just come by to tell Mr.
Evan that Vernon Moody was lookin' for you down at the paper.
Oh.
But when I told him you wasn't there, he got madder than a toad in traffic.
Said he was going over to your house.
But I told him you didn't like to do business at home, that he'd just have to wait until you was in your office.
Thank you, Nub.
Or else I told him, he could come over here, since this isn't really your home.
I don't think he likes me, so I'm just gonna go on before he gets here.
Unless you think hearing some show tunes might calm him down.
I'll take care of him, Nub.
Okeydoke.
Or maybe he feels intimidated by me.
You know, he's not very bright.
Some enchanted evening You may see Vernon's upset about that editorial, huh? Oh, I can't stand his fire-sale mentality.
Every time he uncorks an opinion in public, it sets Arkansas back ten years.
You called him an idiot.
Well, he's used to it.
That's what his mother calls him.
Anyway, a good fight on the editorial pages sells newspapers.
Evan Evans?! Oh, I hear the dulcet tones of Vernon Moody.
I got a half a mind to come in there and get you out.
Now, if-if he had half a mind, together with what he already has, he'd have half a mind.
Come on out! What is he yelling out like that for? Oh, because he's narrow-minded and misinformed.
I'm gonna go out there and shut him up.
I don't want the neighbors complaining.
No.
No, hold it.
Hold it.
Let me handle it.
I got to get some firewood anyway.
Okay.
You're such a hothead, you go out there, you'll start a fight.
Oh! I think the bleeding's stopped.
Aah.
I can't believe it.
He sucker punched me and ran away.
Are you okay, Grandpa? Oh, sure, I'm all right.
I just got so mad, I had to hit him on his fist with my nose.
Taylor, go call Dr.
Elldridge and tell him to come over here right away, okay? Right.
Did he get away? Yeah, he got away.
He wouldn't have if you hadn't fallen on top of me.
Was that Was that you? Yeah.
It felt like the wood pile.
I thought I told you to stay indoors.
Well, you were yelling so loud, I went outside, and he punched you in the nose, and you fell on top of me.
Well, where'd he go? He ran down the street.
Are we gonna go beat him up? No, honey.
Why don't you guys go upstairs and get ready for bed, okay? I'm calling Judge Frazier and getting a warrant for Vernon Moody.
Hey, now, wait a minute.
I agree with Will.
I think we should just go find him and beat him up.
No.
Civilized people don't fight.
Besides, I'm gonna rip his lungs out in court.
Hot plate special rib supreme, on the house.
Whoa.
Thank you.
I appreciate that.
Now, I don't know if the sauce is a cure for a punch in the nose, but then again, I don't know that it ain't a cure for a punch in the nose.
It's a magical substance.
Well.
Thank you.
Anybody willing to take on Vernon Moody deserves nothing but the best.
You know, normally, I would say, "Keep your chin up.
" But in this case, I think the best thing to tell you would be to keep your nose down.
That's right, Evan.
You got to learn to lead with something else besides that nose.
Well, I will remember that.
And-And, uh, what kind of damage did you inflict on him? Well, I think he may have scuffed his shoe when he was running back to his truck.
Well, that's a start.
Maybe next time he goes by, you can pull his socks down.
There you go.
Poor Evan had to take one beating last night, then come in here and take another one today.
Well, it'll do him good.
I- I've been hearing these semi-humorous remarks about my losing football games for a year now, you know? It's his turn in the barrel, and I'm enjoying it.
Don't worry, Wood.
We'll get back to you next season.
I- I can wait.
Excuse me.
Huh? I'm sorry to bother you, but aren't you Wood Newton? Yeah, I think so.
I knew it.
I was just thinking to myself, "That guy used to be Wood Newton.
" No, actually, I-I still am.
I know.
I'm sorry.
This just got me kind of nervous.
What I meant was you used to play with the Steelers.
Right.
I'm a I'm a big fan of yours.
Oh, thank you.
You mind if I sit down? No.
I was just gonna ask you.
Oh, good.
You know that Eastern Division play-off where you threw four passes with only two minutes to play? Mm.
That was a religious experience for me.
Yeah, I was saying a few prayers myself.
Well, it must have worked.
Bang, bang, bang.
bang, touchdown.
Bang.
I think it was only 82 yards.
Well, I always give him credit for an extra five yards, and I know you'd have gotten them, too, if it wasn't for that offside penalty.
Oh, you're my kind of fan.
Well, there he is.
The man who finally had it out with Vernon Moody.
You know who you look like? Who? Jack Nicholson in the last half of Chinatown.
Watch out, kitty cat, next time, I'll take the whole thing.
Herman.
What? Herman? Yeah? You want some lunch? Oh, no.
I already ate over at the cafeteria.
It's South of the Border Day, and you know how I feel about fiesta corn.
I just came over to get the Vernon Moody update.
Oh, yeah, look here.
I heard they arrested him, but what happened then? They done let him out on bail.
Stop it.
They did.
That's okay.
Miss Ava'll fix his wagon, won't she? I hope she sends him up the river.
You know, he always impressed me as the brooding, unpredictable type.
You know, the type whose neighbors eventually get on TV saying something like, "You know, he was so quiet.
We never dreamed he'd do something like that.
" What'd they expect him to do? Knock on the door and say, "Would y'all water my plants? I'm off on a five-state killing spree.
" Hi, Coach Newton.
Oh, hey, Miss Beausoleil.
Hello, Miss Fontana.
Oh, hi.
Who is that? Oh, that's his girlfriend.
Really? Yeah, he Yeah, he, he looks like a kind of a a distinguished man, but he's really an animal.
You are so brave.
Oh, I didn't do too much.
Well, I'm sure you did more than you'll admit.
I'm going to make you some homemade soup.
Would you like chicken noodle or French onion? Well, that's-that's-that's that's real sweet of you, but you don't have to go to all that trouble.
But I want to take care of you.
This is kind of silly, but I thought, if you came over, maybe I'd put on this little nurse's costume I've got.
I'll have some chicken noodle.
Okay.
I'll see you later.
Nice seeing you, Miss Beausoleil.
Oh, nice seeing you.
Yeah.
Lord, it's nice seeing you.
You know, I've never actually been in a fight myself.
Is it like they showed it in Raging Bull? I mean, could you really hear the wind whistling past his fist as it was coming at your face? Now, look, this is going to get settled in court.
Why don't we just drop this, huh? It's a small town, Evan.
Anything happens, we gotta make it last.
That's right.
Don't deprive them of the story.
Come on.
Tell them what happened.
Well, I'm I'm I'm saving it for the judge.
Oh, come on.
You ran out the door like a man possessed.
Yeah.
Friday the 13th, Part Ten.
Tell the judge what you remember.
Well, it's it's all kind of a blur.
Well, that's 'cause you were blind with rage.
And I can believe that.
You know what we used to call him when he was a boy? What? Firecracker.
Because he had such a short fuse.
And there he sits now the lion in winter.
Come on, now.
What happened next? Well, at first, I tried to reason with him.
It didn't work.
Well, you were there.
Ask him.
So, Wood, you were actually an eyewitness? I think it's more like a nose witness.
Well, I was a little bit afraid to go out there because, you know, when Evan gets mad, he hits anything that moves.
You know, I'm surprised you didn't get into it, because I remember that fight you had with Bubba Wilson during that New England game.
Yeah.
I shouldn't have hit Bubba with his helmet on.
He didn't realize I'd hit him until he read it in the paper.
So, look here, it was Vernon and Evan, one-on-one? Oh, I said, "I'll go outside.
" And he said, "No.
I want to go outside.
" Yeah.
Bloodlust got to pumping, didn't it? I'm a vampire when I get moving.
I don't get it.
Wood, how could you see what was going on? Well, I couldn't see from inside, but I I heard Evan yelling out there, and you know the kind of language he uses when he starts yelling.
So I ran outside 'cause I was afraid a couple of truck drivers might come by and be embarrassed.
Hah! You sure enough did get hot under the collar, didn't you? A little warm.
Yes, I did.
So, he-he-he had this piece of firewood, and he was going to Were you going to set fire to him? No.
I didn't I never I never threatened him with the firewood.
I was just reaching over to take a piece off the pile.
Maybe he thought you were threatening him.
I'm sure he did, what with your reputation.
Yeah.
It's not like you never hit anybody with a piece of firewood.
No.
Wait.
I never hit anyone with firewood.
You hit me with firewood.
That's different.
I went over to his house one night, you know, to borrow some firewood.
Mm-hmm.
He hit me with a log.
Oh.
Oh, no.
You-you came over to steal some firewood, so you could fool around with my daughter in front of your fireplace.
So I swacked you on the backside with a piece of kindling, told you to go rob somebody else's woodpile.
Now that's an entirely different case.
Why? It just is.
Listen, it was, uh, great meeting you, Mr.
Newton.
Yeah.
But I gotta run.
You know, I still can't believe it.
You really are Wood Newton, aren't you? Yeah.
Yeah, well.
Well, good.
This is for you.
Huh? Yeah, I'm an attorney representing Vernon Moody, and I think you're gonna be my star witness.
Good day.
I want to thank you for your help.
That lawyer guy sure was tricky, wasn't he? Crooked as a snake's pajamas.
The way he just blended in with the crowd like that.
I mean, Coach, there's no way in the world that you could have known that he was this tough, big, highly paid lawyer from Little Rock.
That Taggart, he's a killer.
No.
What he did ought to be illegal.
Yeah.
He hooked you like a fish.
Reeled you in, threw you in the bottom of the boat.
Plop.
Plop.
Plop.
Plop.
Whoops, out of the boat.
Get him back in.
Yeah, yeah.
I got it.
I got it.
Okay? Want to see it again? Out of the boat.
Get him back in the boat.
No.
No.
I bet you're feeling like one of them suffocating large mouth basses right now.
Okay.
I'm sorry everybody had to wait so long, but I talked to the judge.
Here's what's gonna happen.
Vernon Moody's lawyer has filed all kinds of motions, so now we're going to have to have a preliminary hearing.
Preliminary hearing? Yeah.
That just means we go into the judge's chambers, you know, all together, and tell our own versions of the story.
And then it's up to the judge to decide who can do what legally.
Well, the hearing's scheduled for tomorrow morning.
So my suggestion is we just all go home and relax and get a good night's sleep.
Well, good luck.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Out of the boat.
Get him back in the boat.
Well, I I guess you're not not mad at me anymore, huh? Guess again.
You know, tomorrow you're gonna be the the best dressed prosecuting attorney in the state.
I love to iron.
You know, you-you take something that-that has little rough spots in it, and you just smooth them out.
Kind of like a marriage, you know.
You have rough spots in a marriage, but then you just smooth them out.
You know that guy, Taggart? Boy, he proves that joke is right about, uh, "How do you tell the difference between a a catfish and a lawyer?" I don't think I've heard that one.
How does that go? Well, how do you tell the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? Well, one wallows in the mud and is a scum sucking scavenger.
The other one's a fish.
Oh, what a great sense of humor you've got.
Well, thank you very much.
No, I mean, I'm sure you guys never ever have an argument.
No, we don't.
We don't have many, 'cause I I make a joke, she laughs, it's all over.
Hey, how about a little kiss, but no thumb.
Are you having fun? I thought you weren't talking to me.
No.
No, what? No, I'm not not talking to you.
Oh, that clears it up.
Well, say something.
Well, you seem to be having fun all by yourself.
You never run out of words, do you? I didn't know the guy was a lawyer.
He said he was a big fan.
He came over and started talking about the-the No, no, no, we shouldn't be talking about the case.
I wouldn't want Counselor Taggart's star witness trooping down to the Barbeque Villa and saying that I'm suborning perjury.
Suborning? Didn't she star in The Alien? You're not funny, Wood.
Look, what-what's the worse thing that could happen? What's the worst thing? This big-time lawyer could totally humiliate me and bring assault with a deadly weapon charges against my father, and then maybe stick him in prison for five or ten years.
You know, it's just an expression.
When you say, what's the worst thing that can happen, you don't have to say every single thing that would happen.
I'm going to bed.
You know, under the circumstances, I think it would be better if you slept on the couch.
Now, wait a minute.
No matter how mad we get at each other, we never sleep apart.
No, no, no, I just think it would be better for the case, you know.
Because I wouldn't want Taggart to say that your testimony was tainted.
You mean legally it would be better if I slept on the couch? Yeah.
And I'm also really mad at you, and I want you to sleep on the couch.
Hmm.
I'm glad everyone could make it this morning.
This shouldn't take too long.
Now I want you all to understand that this is not a court of law, but you are still expected to tell the truth even though we don't swear you in on a Bible.
Ava, now you say that Vernon here popped your dad in the nose? Yes, Your Honor.
And Wood here is your star witness? Actually, he's my witness, Your Honor.
His testimony will prove that my client acted in self-defense while being verbally and physically intimidated.
Meaning? Mr.
Evans threatened him with a stick of firewood and called him an idiot.
The only person present was Mr.
Newton.
Now let me get this straight, Wood.
You are testifying against your own father-in-law in a case that your wife is prosecuting? Kind of ironic, isn't it? Given the unique situation, Your Honor, I would like to ask that Mr.
Newton be regarded as a hostile witness.
That's a good idea, Mr.
Taggart.
Thank you, Your Honor.
You hear that, Wood? Yeah.
You want to see hostile, Your Honor, you should have been at the house last night.
I we weren't even talking.
I was I was talking to my fist, you know.
It was amazing.
It means that you can only answer the questions yes or no.
You can't elaborate.
Move to determine reliability of the witness.
Motion granted.
Objection, Your Honor.
Begs procedure.
My chambers, my procedure.
Go ahead, Ava.
Did you witness your father-in-law, Mr.
Evan Evans, being struck in the face two days ago? Yes.
And is the the person who struck him present? Yeah, he's right here.
It's this guy right here.
Mr.
Vernon Moody? Yeah.
Now when Mr.
Taggart here first heard your version of the incident, did you know he was a lawyer? No.
Objection.
Conjecture and opinion.
Mr.
Newton is hardly an expert on the deportment of an attorney at law.
Withdrawn.
Did Mr.
Taggart approach you as an interested sports fan? Yeah.
I mean, he-he knew all my stats and everything.
He knew about the-the play-off game when, you know, I was making that big drive down the field and I had the offside penalty and everything.
I mean, I knew he was trying to reel me in, but he's really You're actually really kind of fascinated with my career, aren't you? I hate football.
Oh.
But you thought he was a fan, so to aggrandize yourself, did you tell a story at Mr.
Evans' expense? Aggrandize myself? Yes or no answers only please.
Did you tell a story at Mr.
Evans' expense? Yes.
In fact, you embellished quite a bit in front of Mr.
Taggart because you knew he was thrilled to be in the presence of an aging former football star.
Aging? Yes or no? Yes.
Does it mean a lot to you when people recognize you from your glory days? Oh, Lord, yes.
And do you often attempt to jokingly ridicule Mr.
Evans in the presence of others? Look, he's a friend of mine.
We do it all the time.
Your Honor.
Counselor is damaging credibility of her own case while trying to undermine the defense.
This is just gonna go around in circles forever.
Move to dismiss.
I think I agree with you, Mr.
Taggart.
You do? This is a criminal case, and if we don't throw it out now there are going to be civil suits based on the outcome, then Moody will either end up owning the paper, or Evan will own the bar.
I don't want the bar.
It's destroying the ozone.
Yeah, well, I sure as hell wouldn't want your rag of a paper.
That's enough.
And the worst thing is my chief prosecutor would be asking me for a divorce decree, and I don't want that.
Your nose will be all right? Yes, Your Honor.
Vernon What? You punch him again, and there will be no mercy.
Well, he called me an idiot.
Well, so does your own mother.
Well, I'd say we're looking at a malicious prosecution case here, Your Honor.
Possibly.
Possibly.
But then I'd also say we're looking at liquor license violations, fire code, zoning ordinances.
It's small town justice, Mr.
Taggart.
Take it or leave it.
After extensive deliberation, I've decided to accept your advice.
Oh, yeah? Well, I say we go upstairs to a higher court.
You really are an idiot, aren't you? All right, case dismissed.
Oh, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna take you home, and I'm gonna make you your favorite beef stroganoff.
How does that sound? Hmm.
So what is this? Now now you're not talking to me? Well, I'm not not talking to you.
Come on, Wood.
Taggart was using you as he was using you, and I had to nail him.
Yeah, but you used me as the hammer.
Well, I couldn't have done it without you.
Yeah, that's true.
I mean, you're the one who made him feel, you know, overconfident.
Yeah, I was I was good.
So how about that stroganoff? Okay, but I don't want any hamburger.
I want I want steak.
You've got it.
You know, the first thing you ask for when you when you find a lawyer with cement right up to here? More cement.
A close call for Wood Newton.
Fortunately, justice usually finds a way to iron out life's little wrinkles, even if she has to lift her blindfold a bit the way she did here today, in a place called Evening Shade.