Happy's Place (2024) s01e16 Episode Script

1
Shoot! Shoot!
What is it?
I dropped my pen in this crack.
On purpose?
Yes.
I'm waiting for the splash
to see how deep it goes.
No, not on purpose.
And also, how did this get in here?
[SCOFFS] How should I know?
I mean, and even though I clearly
had nothing to do with that
because I wasn't even here
when I assume some guy did it
because it's always men
who break stuff
I mean, always
I will take care of it, OK?
There we go. Good as new.
Moving on.
- What did you do?
- [SIGHS]
Remember that new cocktail
I wanted to make
with fresh coconut milk?
The one that Bobbie said you couldn't
because of the "no machetes
in the bar" rule?
Yeah, and that wasn't even a rule
until she saw me with it.
I mean, it's supposed
to be America, right?
[SIGHS]
Well, anyway, I used a hammer instead.
FUN FACT: Coconuts roll.
But don't you worry.
I will get your pen back.
- How?
- I am not a total loser.
I can do stuff.
Takoda, can you get Steve's pen?
It fell into the crack.
I warned you someone could get hurt.
[SCOFFS] He lost his pen, not his toe.
Hey, Emmett.
You got any idea how to get
Steve's pen out of here?
Have you tried dynamite?
Step aside. I'll get it.
[GROANS] Gabby, give me
something sticky.
It's fine.
I was done with it anyway.
Are you sure you want to use that knife?
Wouldn't it dull the blade?
Oh, trust me, this knife
is really, really tough.
[BLADE SNAPS AND CLATTERS]
You know what you should have used?
A machete.
Sometimes it feels
like a big ol' fight ♪
To get through the day ♪
And sleep on through the night ♪
But here you'll find a place ♪
That'll surely lift your spirits ♪
You belong at Happy's Place ♪
I'm so sorry, Emmett.
Oh, it's OK. It's just a knife.
What's going on out here?
Takoda texted, said y'all needed help.
You ratted me out?
I'm not new.
This was going somewhere bad.
My pen fell in this crack.
And I broke my knife going after it.
Why didn't you just
use a magnet on a string?
'Cause I'm a cook,
not a science teacher.
Gabby, get me Mildred.
Oh, yeah.
Whoa!
You named your crowbar?
Well, it'd be weird
if I named all my other tools
and not her.
I don't think that's
the right tool to use, Bobbie.
Says the man with the broken knife.
I'm just gonna pop open
this little part right here.
Oh!
Hell, you should have used dynamite.
It would be less damage.
Here's your pen, Steve.
Thank you, Bobbie.
Come to Daddy.
You're now safe from
the wicked witch of the bar.
Think anybody will notice?
I'll get my toolbox.
You took this somewhere bad.
- Hmm.
- Hey.
There's a bottle of whiskey
hidden in there.
- Oh.
- That is so weird.
Who would do that?
I bet it was Daddy.
Yep.
He was always stashing stuff,
hoping it would be
worth something someday.
- Oh, that's right.
- Yeah.
Like when he hid those baseball cards.
Oh, yeah, he waited
till they were rare and old,
and then he sold them
and went to the World Series.
He loved stuff with themes.
Like when he hid those
$1 bills because he wanted
to go to the strip club.
That's not funny.
- Oh, I was kidding.
- Mm-hmm.
So what do you think
this whiskey was for?
[GASPS] Maybe he wanted
to go to the Kentucky Derby.
- [LAUGHS] No.
- No, no.
No, he loved horse races but
not enough to be in Kentucky.
Yeah.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
Oh, I found it.
I found out why Daddy
stashed that bottle.
Blueprints?
Back then, he wanted to build
a patio with a whiskey barn.
Patio is a good idea.
You know, food just tastes
better without walls.
When I first started working
for him, he made me promise,
cross my heart, that one day,
we would be together,
having drinks on that patio. [SIGHS]
I'm sorry you didn't get to do that.
Yeah, me too.
But maybe he'd be happier knowing
that his two daughters
will be doing that.
Mm, you don't think
he'd rather be alive?
Oh, stop it!
Get online and see how much
this sucker is.
Selling hidden liquor
feels so dangerous!
[LAUGHS]
It's not exactly bootleggin',
but me too.
Hey, if we start building soon,
we could get the patio
finished by midsummer.
Wait, Bobbie, look at this.
This can't be right.
We could build a whole bar with this.
Clearly you've never built anything.
But if that's even close,
I can finally keep my promise.
[SIGHS] Wow.
You know, last year,
I found $20 in my pocket,
but this is way [SINGSONGY] Better.
You know, Daddy always said
the bar will provide.
Man, was he right.
Is there anything alcohol can't fix?
Hey, Emmett.
You got a minute?
Yeah, I've got a minute,
but I'm gonna use it for myself.
I just wanted to let you know
that I feel terrible
that you broke your knife helping me.
So don't worry. I will be replacing it.
Oh, I'm good.
Don't be silly.
What's a chef without his knife?
Just a man in a funny hat.
Well, look around.
I got plenty of knives.
And hell, you can't
throw a knife in here
without hitting another knife.
Sure, sure, but I know
this was a special one for you.
Yeah, it was special.
I used it out back once to kill a rat.
What? How could you do that?
It was a rat, Steve.
No, not the rat, the knife.
How could you treat it like that?
How was I supposed to treat it,
take it to the movies?
It was a crappy knife.
Maybe that's true.
Maybe it was crappy.
But you know what you are?
Confused?
A jackass.
What is up with him?
You don't know?
Check the handle
of that knife you broke.
[SIGHS] Aw, man.
"From Steve."
He gave that to you five
years ago for your birthday.
That's why I hate
for people to give me gifts.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
So we decided to auction it,
and Bobbie's email to
the auction house was perfect.
- Tell her what you said.
- OK, I told them
- I'll tell her.
- OK.
She said, "You should thank
your lucky stars
that a bottle of Heaven's
Holler landed in your lap."
Now tell her what I said at the end.
[GASPS] It was so great. OK, so she
- I'll tell her.
- OK.
OK, I said, "There's a reason
they call it Heaven's Holler."
"The angels took a sip and hollered
all the way from heaven."
- Yeah.
- Yes! Ha-ha!
[LAUGHS]
Ah, boy, that brings back memories.
Spent a lot of my youth at auctions.
I feel like there's more to that story.
My mom used to take me
to cattle auctions
because we couldn't afford
to go to the movies.
Yep. There it is.
I got hooked, you know?
The auctioneer building tension,
ranchers trying to outbid each other,
bulls running in the background
it was intoxicating.
- That smell always is.
- Yeah.
All right. So listen up, ladies.
When we get there, you follow my lead.
Oh, Gabby, you're not going with us.
[SCOFFS] OK, I got to.
I am your auction expert.
It's sweet that you want
to help, but we got this, OK?
Did you hear that email?
BOTH: Flawless!
Listen to me,
painting a fun and fancy-free
image of auctions,
but there is an underbelly too.
Oh, I think we can handle
the little scary world
of selling old stuff.
Yeah, until you accidentally
buy a black-tagged heifer.
And no one believes that you
were just trying to wave down
your mom, who was getting
into a pickup truck
with a rodeo clown.
[PHONE RINGS]
[GASPS]
It's the auction house.
Hi, this is Bobbie.
OK, let's give her a second.
They probably need to go over logistics.
So what did you do with the cow?
Oh, my mom took her to a farm upstate
so she could play with other cows.
OK. Thanks for calling.
That was quick.
It's an auction house. They talk fast.
What did they say?
Well, they said it was too late
to get our bottle into the auction today
and we'll have to come back next month.
Well, there goes getting
a patio anytime this summer.
I'm sorry, Bobbie.
Don't be.
For the last 10 years, I haven't
kept my promise to our daddy.
That ends today.
Come on, Ethel.
No wonder my mom always
cried when we ate hamburgers.
I'm sorry, Bobbie.
I wish we could make it
part of the auction.
Bottles of Heaven's Holler
are hard to find.
Not if you have a crowbar.
If it's so rare, what's the issue?
Well, we print our catalogs
months in advance,
and that builds interest in the items,
And that makes for higher bids.
Well, what if we built
interest in our whiskey bottle
- right now?
- Well, how would you do that?
Well, she's got a degree in psychology.
She can sell ice to a penguin.
Off the record, if I saw
there was some buzz in the room
for this bottle,
well, I think I might be able
to bend the rules a bit and auction it.
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
Yes.
What does a psychology degree
have to do with sales?
What's it got to do with anything?
I was just trying to make you
sound impressive.
Not that I condone this, but next time,
you could call me Doctor.
OK, follow my lead.
Lucky for us, I could sell
a rosary to the pope.
[LAUGHS]
[HUMMING]
[GASPS]
As I live and breathe,
a bottle of Heaven's Holler whiskey?
I've never seen one in person before.
[WITH SOUTHERN ACCENT]
Peanut butter and pork rinds!
It really exists!
Oh, I know about Heaven's Holler.
It's pretty rare.
Haven't seen one in years.
Perhaps because it's pretty rare.
[CHUCKLES] Quite so.
My grandpap was always on
the lookout for some of this.
He said it was the Bigfoot of bourbon.
Bigfoot of bourbon?
Peanut butter and pork rinds?
I also heard it holds
medicinal properties.
Well, as they say,
what whiskey will not cure,
there is no cure for. [LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS]
Yes, that is what they say.
OK, don't push.
There's plenty to go around.
Oh, no, there's just one
bottle, and I'm gonna buy it.
Oh!
Not sure how you're gonna buy it,
since I'm going to win it at auction.
Oh, quite sure of ourselves, are we?
Quite sure.
May the best paddle win.
Mm.
Looks like you just sold
the pope a penguin.
Is that how I sound to you?
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
Brought you some tater tots.
Don't think for a second
you can erase your cruelty
with deep-fried carbs.
I made them extra crispy.
Leave them.
Mmm. Mm.
Is there something else?
Yeah.
I thought I'd apologize.
OK.
Hello. When?
Settle down.
I don't do this a lot.
So when you gave me that knife,
it didn't mean much to me.
I'm just going to break in
and let you know
this isn't going well.
It didn't mean anything to me
because you didn't either.
And it just keeps getting worse.
I don't look for friends, Steve.
Never have.
Not because I didn't want any.
Then why?
I guess it's because I didn't want any.
I never looked for any friends
because I was afraid
I would never find any.
And yet here we are.
Here we are.
So now if you ever give me anything,
just know it will mean a hell of a lot.
I'm not giving you another knife.
I understand.
Emmett, wait.
Thank you.
Don't kill any rats with it, psycho.
Enjoy your tater tots, jackass.
Oh good you too made up.
[APPLAUSE]
This is it. We're up.
- It's so exciting.
- Yep.
All right, well, our next item,
a late addition not listed in
your catalogs, is quite a find.
Sippingwhiskey.org calls it
a velvety gem of a libation.
Bobbieandlsabella.org
call it a patio in a bottle.
[CHUCKLES]
A limited release,
this bottle of Heaven's Holler
is from the exceptional
vintage year of 2001.
How cool.
That's the year I was born.
That whiskey and I are the same age.
Huh, that's weird.
Truth be told, you won't find a better
small batch whiskey than a
Heaven's Holler from July 2001.
Wait, July?
That's the month I was born.
Jiminy Christmas!
The month I was born, Daddy
bought a bottle of whiskey
for us to share.
Weird gift for a newborn.
For when I was older.
Daddy bought that bottle
to share with you.
That's not patio whiskey.
[GASPS] It's Isabella whiskey.
Yes! Oh!
Peanut butter and pork rinds,
we got to get it back.
Let's start the bidding at $2,000.
$2,000, thank you, sir.
Do I hear $2,500?
- $2,500.
- $2,500.
- What are you doing?
- Winning some hooch.
$3,000? Do I hear $3,000?
$3,000, thank you, sir.
- $3,500!
- $3,500.
What? What about the patio?
It was Dad's dream.
It was also his dream
to save that bottle for his daughter.
Do I hear $4,000? $4,000.
- Thank you.
- Oh.
$4,500!
$5,000!
$5,000 to the gentleman.
$5,000, $5,000
Bobbie, stop.
We came here to make money,
and that's more than we need.
All right, the bid is $5,000.
Do I hear $6,000? $6,000.
But Daddy wanted that bottle for you.
I know, but it didn't happen,
and that's OK.
I care more about getting our patio
than a bottle I only found out was mine,
like, five seconds ago.
Going once, going twice.
Are you sure?
- [GAVEL BANGS]
- Sold to bidder number 33.
Congratulations, sir,
you've just won yourself
a truly remarkable spirit.
Well, there's that.
Yep.
Bottle is gone.
Don't have to worry about it anymore.
We can just enjoy
the thought of our new patio.
Are those happy tears?
No.
But you said selling
the bottle of whiskey
was the right thing to do.
And now I regret it!
How could I care so much about
something I only found out
was mine five seconds ago?
Why did it take me ten to realize it?
Honey, I am so sorry.
Maybe we could stop the sale
or buy it back or do something.
I don't know.
Bobbie, face it.
It's over. There's nothing we can do.
- Yeah.
- Aah!
Oh!
What are you doing here?
OK, there's no time.
I'm here to save you rubes.
Do you want your bottle back?
- Desperately.
- How'd you know?
Oh, please. Go to a cattle auction.
People with seller's remorse
are as common
as wannabe cowboys
with fake horns on their truck
and fake boobs on their wives.
- Can you help us?
- OK, maybe.
Did you sign an auction
listing agreement?
No. We didn't sign anything.
OK, perfect.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Mr. Auctioneer, point of order.
You mentioned that that bottle
was never listed in the catalog.
And if I'm not mistaken,
that is a breach of protocol.
And if not protocol, well,
then certainly tradition.
And if not tradition, sir,
then no doubt common decency.
- Am I right?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Am I right?
- Yeah!
- [CLAPS]
I mean, what's next,
taking the ear tag off of a red Angus
and putting it on a Belted Galloway
just to get an extra 70¢ a pound?
Not cattle.
Not cattle.
Furthermore, my clients
inform me that you never
had them sign
an auction listing agreement,
which means you have no legal right
acting as seller's agent.
Ipso facto, there was
no sale to take place,
which means my clients would
like their whiskey back
no, bottle back.
Whiskey back means something else.
I know because I am also a bartender.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Are you people for real?
Oh, we're very real.
And I should know.
I'm a doctor.
Thank you. No hard feelings.
Just take the bottle. Get out.
OK, look, I know you're mad,
and I totally understand.
Could I interest you in
a free coupon to Happy's Place?
Security!
I'll leave it at the front. Run!
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
Mm.
- Salud.
- [GLASSES CLINK]
Cheers.
Mmm, perfection.
What do you think?
[COUGHS] Wow.
So this is what
$5,000 whiskey tastes like.
[CHUCKLES]
Are my feet supposed to feel numb?
That's when you know
you got the good stuff.
It's either that
or it puts hair on your chest.
Hell, this will put hair on my feet.
[LAUGHS]
[CHUCKLES]
Are you OK you didn't get
to build the patio for Dad?
Well, we'll do it someday.
But we'd have never
gotten this bottle back.
You know, it's like I feel him
sitting here with us, smiling.
[SIGHS]
Shall we pour one out for him?
Are you crazy?
I said it's a feeling.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
That's amazing, Gabby.
I mean, who would have known
going to that many
cattle auctions would be useful?
It's so nice when a deprived childhood
finally comes in handy.
I'm still waiting.
Well, was I a hero today?
Sure.
Should people hoist me on their
shoulders, chanting my name?
Absolutely.
Should the mayor give me
the key to the city?
Probably. I emailed him.
I haven't heard back yet. [LAUGHS]
Whatever you do,
just don't yell at Emmett.
He'll get all mushy
and make you tater tots.
- Aww!
- [LAUGHS]
Can someone fetch Mildred?
I'm gonna need to hit Steve.
[LAUGHTER]
- I love working here.
- [SIGHS]
Aw, that's sweet.
Thank you, Daddy. Once
again, the bar provides.
[GLASSES CLINK]
- Love, y'all.
- Love you.
Cheers.