iCarly s01e16 Episode Script

Man, I can't believe Mr Soo-Mack assigned us a science project.
Who does he think he is? Our science teacher.
Whatever.
At least he paired us up together.
That's good.
You're bummed that Soo-Mack put us together.
Well, every time we get paired up on a school project, I always end up doing all the work.
Don't worry about that.
You'll help me this time? Of course not.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Look who's all grumpy 'cause he didn't get paired up with Carly for his little science project.
- Untrue.
- True.
So? Besides, I'm way more grumpy cause of who I did get paired up with.
How am I supposed to do a science project with a psycho wrestler who's always Hey, what's up Fray-doe? Duke, Duke, this is only fun for one of us.
Duke! Duke! Beef jerky.
It's yours if you let Freddie go.
How'd I end up in a hostage negotiation? Thanks.
It was my jerky.
You owe me three bucks.
Wow, I've never seen dried beef make a boy so happy.
Hey! So what's our science project gonna be on? Well, I was thinking maybe we could do a study on the efficiency of Hey! Why don't we do a study on why my knee pads stink so bad? Why'd you shove your knee pad in my face? - 'Cause it reeks! - Great explanation! You owe Sam three bucks for the jerky.
- No, he doesn't.
- But you said that he I took his wallet.
In five, four, three, two I know, you see Somehow the world will change for me.
And be so wonderful Live life, breathe air I know somehow we're gonna get there And feel so wonderful It's all for real I'm telling you just how I feel So wake up the members of my nation It's your time to be There's no chance unless you take one And the time to see The brighter side of every situation Some things are meant to be So give your best and leave the rest to me Leave it all to me Leave it all to me Just leave it all to me iCarly S01E16 iHate Chicks Okay, here, we could do an experiment that shows how different temperatures can affect photosynthesis in plants.
Interesting.
Now, based on that, what if we just blow up stuff in the microwave? Hey, what you ladies up to? Little sitting? Little conversing? Just trying to pick a topic for our science project.
I believe it was Einstein who said, "What can't be proven scientifically is the scientific nature of science itself.
" - Einstein said that? - Either him or that hobo that sleeps in the garbage behind our building.
I love hobos.
Let's do our project on hobos.
What do hobos have to do with science? Aren't they affected by gravity or something? You know, when I was in school, we hatched a bunch of baby chicks in the classroom.
Very cool.
Very fun.
That's perfect.
Can Sam and I do that here? - Sure.
- And we can even show it on iCarly.
The eggs, the whole incubation process and then the baby chicks being born.
And then we make fried chicken.
Give me your hand.
Wait, come bite the other one.
In five, four, three, two - Hey, it's time for iCarly.
- On the beach.
She's the fantabulous Carly.
And she's Sam, my poorly behaved best friend.
Look at us on the beach.
Carly, we're in outer space.
But it's dangerous to be in outer space wearing only swimsuits.
- Freddie, help! - Turn off the greenscreen.
Okay, those special effects were done by our awesome technical producer, the always reliable and rarely sticky, Freddie Benson.
It's true.
I haven't been sticky in weeks.
Hey, look, I'm in your shot.
Turn the camera back on the stars, would you? So, whatever will happen on this new and exciting webisode of iCarly? - I'm glad you asked.
- I'm glad you're glad.
Are you glad I'm glad you're glad? Weird, I'm getting less glad.
We're gonna show you a video sent in by one of our viewers.
We don't really get the point of what this guy did.
But it fits into the theme of our show tonight.
- Freddie, roll the clip.
- Clip being rolled Hey, Carly and Sam.
I am a huge fan of iCarly, and to prove it to you guys, I'm gonna sit in my bathtub that I filled up with scrambled eggs.
Here goes.
Yes! Yes! Later.
Not the best video we've ever gotten.
So why'd we show it to you? 'Cause tonight on iCarly, the special theme is - Eggs! - Eggs! But not eggs for eating.
Or bathtub sitting.
We're talking these babies Our science teacher is making us do a project together.
Thanks, Mr Soo-Mack.
So, we got some fertilised chicken eggs Put them in this special box called an incubator Which keeps the eggs at exactly 99.
5 degrees.
Then all we gotta do is turn the eggs a few times every day, and soon We gonna have us some baby chicks! And you guys can come back here to iCarly.
com any time you want.
And click on the egg-cam button To watch our little egglings until they're actually born.
- That one's Shelly.
- His name is Huevo.
- That's Omelet.
- He's Benedict.
- She's Yoko.
- And that's Poachy.
Okay, family photo.
I want breakfast.
- We got cereal.
- Milk? Out of milk.
I'll use root beer.
You guys? Any reason I just found this in my shower? - Oh, my gosh.
- A chick.
Yeah, I picked him up thinking he was a bar of soap.
Good thing I realised before Never mind.
- But how could there be a - Our chicks haven't hatched yet.
- Or - We're mothers! They all hatched! Okay, then where are the baby chicks? Well, we know one just took a shower with your brother.
This isn't funny.
How'd they get out? I was watching the egg-cam.
I can't believe they already hatched.
Man, did Sam eat them? I wouldn't eat baby chicks.
Raw.
- They escaped.
- What? Spencer found one in the bathroom downstairs, so the other ones could be anywhere in this whole apartment.
Wait.
I thought newborn chicks have to stay in their incubator.
- They do.
- How long can they be out? I don't know.
Let's go online and find out.
Hurry.
Okay, okay.
I'll search "chicks.
" There.
Worldofchicks.
com.
Click on that.
"Chuck Jones, Chuck Berry, Chuck Yeager, Chuck Norris.
" What is this? You typed it wrong.
That's World of Chucks.
Let me do it.
- There.
Chickapedia.
- Okay.
"During the first week of life, newborn chicks must be kept "at a temperature of 90 degrees, and they must be fed every four hours.
" - Or else what? - Bad things.
Meaning? Six cute little chicken funerals! Well, according to the egg-cam, they got out 56 minutes ago.
And Spencer has one, so that leaves five chicks still missing.
That gives us three hours and four minutes to find them.
- Okay.
We can do this, right? - Absolutely! - Yes! - Good.
Can we have lunch first? - No! - No! Okay.
- Okay, there's a total of six chicks.
- Right.
We already have the one Spencer found in the shower.
- Shelly.
- Checking off Shelly.
Which means there's still five baby chicks somewhere in this apartment.
We've gotta find Huevo, Omelet, Benedict, Yoko and Poachy.
How much longer can they go without eating? Two hours, 55 minutes.
Hey, Duke's on his way over.
We don't want Duke here.
We're in the middle of a crisis! This is no time for sweaty wrestlers! He was already on his way over to my place.
We were supposed to work on our science project today.
Okay, fine, if he helps us look.
Hey, didn't Chickapedia say that newborn chicks had to be kept at 90 degrees? What's the temperature in here? - Seventy-two.
- Turn the heat up to 90.
- 90 degrees? - No, 90 pickles.
Yes, 90 degrees.
No need to be hurtful.
Freddie, you take the third floor.
You check both our bedrooms.
Sam, you search in this room, and I'll check the kitchen.
Everyone grab a walkie-talkie and find a small chicken.
Let's do this.
Hey, hey, Sam, I think I found one.
- You got one? - Where is it? I heard a peep coming from the sink.
Maybe he fell down the drain.
Okay.
- I hear him - How can we get him out? - You see anything? - No, it's too dark! - I'll turn on the light.
- Wait, no, don't! - That's the garbage disposal! - Oh, my God! - Turn it off! - Turn it off! Okay, that was close.
Yeah, you almost made a baby chicken smoothie.
Okay, he's stuck in the pipe down here.
- I'll get a wrench.
- Good, hurry.
- Here, let me under there.
- No, you go find the other four.
- Sam and I got this one.
- Okay.
Here, chickie, chickie, chickie, chickie.
Here, chickie, chickie.
Got one.
I knew Sam hid my corn dog last month.
Okay, I got the pipe unscrewed.
Can you pull the chick out? No, my hand won't fit in the pipe.
Here, move.
Cup your hands.
- Why? - Just do it! Okay, little guy.
Here's where two miserable years of trombone lessons pays off.
Gotcha! - He okay? - He's perfect.
Four to go.
- Keep looking upstairs.
- On it.
- You got one? - Yeah, cross off Huevo.
Huevo's bueno.
Four to go.
Yeah.
- Don't stop looking.
- I won't stop looking! Hi, Duke.
You find the chicks? Just two.
There's still four missing.
Hey, hey.
I think I hear one in this heating duct.
Help me move this thing.
Listen.
- I hear peeping.
- Yeah, he's definitely in there.
I'll crawl in and get him.
No way, little sister.
Too dangerous.
I got this one.
Don't worry, little chicken.
Uncle Spencer's a-coming.
Hey! I see him! Okay, if I can just get my arms up, I should Hey, guys? - Yeah? - What? Uncle Spencer is stuck! Repeating.
Uncle Spencer is stuck! No, chickie.
Wait.
Come back! I'm here to help you.
- What's happening? - Got another chick? Spencer found one in the heating duct.
I arrived moments ago.
Good to know.
Will you guys pull me out of here? Grab him and pull.
On three.
One, two, three! Pull harder! Did my pants come off? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
Please tell me I'm wearing underwear.
- You're good.
- Awesome.
One more question.
- Yeah? - How am I gonna get out of here? Relax.
The heat's on high which'll eventually cause the metal to expand.
And you'll get all sweaty.
All right, you guys go find the other chicks.
- Right! - Yeah! Roly-poly! Roly-poly! Hey, I think I hear one behind the fridge.
Yeah, there's definitely one back there.
Back up.
I'll move the fridge.
Dude, that thing weighs a ton! Move.
I love animals! Yell at me.
I always do better when Coach yells at me, so do it! Come on, Duke.
Lift the fridge.
Good boy.
Come on, Duke.
Lift the fridge.
Yeah, good boy.
I'm not a dog.
Well, what am I supposed to You gotta yell at me like Coach does if you want that baby chick back there to make it! Okay.
Go, Lubberman, go! You gotta want it! You gotta want it! I want it! Got him.
Omelet found.
I need a snack.
Spencer, we got three of them! Three to go.
Thank you for keeping me in the loop.
I'm so bored.
So bored.
So bored.
Hey, that sounded pretty good.
And now a medley of your favourite songs from the public domain.
Swing low, sweet chariot Coming for to carry me home Jimmy crack corn, and I don't care Jimmy crack corn, and I don't care Jimmy crack corn, and I don't care I'm in a hole.
Freddie and Duke found the third chick.
Good.
I'm pretty sure there's another one up on that beam there.
- Up there? - Yeah, can we borrow a ladder from somebody in the building? We don't have time.
Lock your fingers together and give me a boost up.
- What? - I think you had gum - on the bottom of your shoe.
- Shut up, Sam.
- Be careful.
- I'm good.
I'm good.
Hi, baby.
Come here, chickie.
Come on, chickie, chickie.
- What happened? - He pecked my finger! Wipe that grin off your face.
Going to run all night Going to run all day I bet my money on a bobtail nag Bobtail nag I hear peeping.
I think there's a chick inside the wall.
Okay, my uncle's a carpenter, so maybe he can bring over his What was that? We found baby chick number four.
Okay, that's good.
That means you only got two chicks left Oh, my God, another roly-poly! Roly-poly! Just walk toward me, you nutty little chick.
Try to grab him.
Wow, if only I'd thought of that.
Come on, come on, chickie.
I think I almost got him.
- Be careful.
- Okay, he's almost in my Sam, catch him! - I got him.
- Good.
Just be careful getting down from the That wasn't careful.
Okay, you're killing me.
- This isn't working.
- Really? I wish we could just think of a way to smoothly slide him out of there.
- I want a smoothie.
- No, I didn't mean Tell them to add some intelligence boost.
- We found Yoko.
- Chick number five.
Okay, we've found Shelly, Huevo, Omelet, Benedict and Yoko.
Now we just gotta find Poachy.
How much time do we have left before bad things happen? - About nine minutes.
- Nine minutes.
- Spencer, you doing okay? - No.
- Well, just hang in there.
- Sure.
Freddie, you keep searching down here.
Sam and I'll keep looking upstairs.
Okay.
-Come on.
Come on.
Come on, door.
-Faster.
Come on! Faster.
Come on.
Come on.
Eight minutes.
- What if we don't find the little guy? - Don't say that.
But we're almost out of time and We found five.
We can find one more.
Poor little Poachy.
- No way! - There he is! - Poachy! - You crazy little chick! We did it.
With seven minutes to spare.
Let's just get him out of there.
I can't get the window off.
The frame's screwed into the wall.
Well, then how are we gonna Freddie! - Freddie! Freddie, answer.
- What's up? We found the last chick, but we need tools to get to him.
Okay, there's tools in a box on my tech cart.
On my way up.
- No, no.
Don't take the elevator! - What? Why? Why? No, no, no! Come on, don't Man, no! - Freddie! Freddie! - Freddie! Come on! - Move! - What's the matter? - Come on, come on, come on! - Hurry, hurry, hurry! - What's going on? - The last chick was behind that window.
Why'd you hit the stupid button? - I was just trying to - It wasn't Freddie's fault.
Okay, okay.
Maybe if we look in the He was in the elevator shaft.
He could be anywhere in this whole building by now.
Anyway, it's too late.
We saved five of them.
We would have saved all six if I hadn't hit that button.
You didn't know.
It wasn't Spencer! -He's freaking out.
-Let's try to pull him out of there again.
One, two, three! Come on, Spencer! - Spencer.
- Are you okay? You all right? - You coughed up Poachy! - Poachy.
- You saved him.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
I guess I did.
It crawled into my mouth.
It didn't even taste like chicken.
Hey, Carly.
Watch what I can do.
And, look, there's no string.