Marvel's Guardians Of The Galaxy (2015) s01e16 Episode Script

J'SON: Distinguished guests and dignitaries, thank you for being here to dedicate this statue which celebrates the peace that I, King J'son of Spartax, continue to forge with the realm of Asgard, represented here today by emissaries Thor and Angela.
But the honor of this dedication belongs to our newest hero, my son and heir, Peter, the Star-Lord.
(CROWD CHEERING) The Star-Lord.
I'm here, I'm here.
Hey, everyone! Let's get this party started.
I hereby dedicate this monument to my dad, King J'son of Spartax.
- Yeah, sorry, Dad.
This jacket is - Is a piece of clothing.
Getting dressed should not keep a Star-Lord from being on time.
Your duty is To represent the empire in a manner befitting the dignity of the blah, blah, blah So when are you gonna tell me about the Cosmic Seed, like you promised? Peter, now is not the time to What do you know of the Cosmic Seed? Forgive my sister's bluntness, son of J.
Angela is new to her role in Asgard.
But if the Seed is in your possession It would mean war, which is why I do not have it.
Then why does your son speak of it? A misunderstanding, I assure you.
Had I realized you would jump to conclusions Are you implying something of my sister, Spartaxian? We Asgardians take our family's honor quite seriously.
What are you implying, prince helmet hair? Just like a Spartaxian to resort to childish name-calling.
Half Spartaxian! Looks like Quill's starting an interplanetary incident.
Again.
- Then we must help him.
- Drax, no.
Wait.
Let him go, Gamora.
(CHUCKLING) This is gonna be hilarious.
A neo-maxi-zoomdweebie.
I would keep your distance from my friend, blonde-haired one, or you will deal with Drax the Destroyer.
The Destroyer, you say.
Asgard has a destroyer of our own.
There is only one destroyer and it is not an empty suit of armor! (GRUNTS) Told you this would be hilarious.
Call off your attack dog now.
Please forgive this outburst.
You will pay the price for striking my brother! (GRUNTING) I am Groot.
Hey! No messing with the fur.
Ya! (GRUNTING) - Away, bothersome vermin! - Unhand the rodent! (GROANING) Argh! Vermin! Rodent! Them's fighting words! (STATUE RUMBLING) (CROWD CLAMORING) (BOTH GASPING) (CROWD SCREAMING) On the bright side, it can't get any worse.
(CROWD CLAMORING) (GASPS) (GRUNTING) I am Groot.
I am Groot.
Please accept my deepest apologies, Prince Thor.
This ruffian and his ilk will be dealt with.
There is no need for alarm, son of J.
The only casualty seems to be your sculpture.
By sheer luck.
This display was childish and costly, brother.
And entirely my son's fault.
I have been too indulgent with him.
- Dad, they were just protecting me.
- Enough! I hereby banish the Guardians of the Galaxy from this palace.
(ALL GASPING) Fine.
We wouldn't stay another night in this dump if you begged us.
Come on, Quill.
Ah, here's the thing.
Um, I didn't get banished.
You guys did.
King J'son banished the Guardians of the Galaxy.
You are our leader.
Yeah, no, I mean, I get that.
It's just Have you tried the palace beds? It's like sleeping on a cloud.
After all the units I gave up so we could find this Cosmic Seed and save all of existence, you're ditching us for a nice bed? Look, I'm trying to get my dad to talk about his quest for the Cosmic Seed, so we can find it.
But I kinda have to be in the same room with him to do that.
Lame excuse.
Even for you, Quill.
I am Groot.
Quit moaning, they always grow back, unlike some friendships.
(DOOR CLOSING) The Asgardians have left.
But you might be able to catch them, in case you wanted to start another interplanetary incident.
PETER: This thing brought me here.
And you may not like my friends, but they risked everything to help me follow it.
So I want answers now! Please.
You must understand, I was young.
I heard legends of an artifact, a force for good so powerful it would bring peace to the universe, create a golden age for all life.
That artifact was the Cosmic Seed.
My father refused to let a prince of Spartax chase after a myth.
But, of course, I went anyway.
And I found it too.
You found the Cosmic Seed? But you told them you didn't have it.
And I don't.
Not anymore.
I used this CryptoCube to hold the Seed as I headed back to Spartax and record my journey.
Every place I stopped, the Cube must have emitted some of the Seed's energy.
And every place the map led us, it absorbed back some of that energy.
The Cube wasn't leading me to the Seed, it was leading me to you.
So, where's the Seed now? Unfortunately, it was taken from me by force before I made it home.
J'SON: My ship, Rora, was damaged.
We crashed-landed on Earth, where Meredith, your mother, saved me.
She was an amazing woman.
Nursed me back to health, single-handed.
She was so beautiful.
Suffice it to say our romance was brief.
I was called back to Spartax.
War was coming.
I had to protect my home and the empire.
I gave Meredith, my element blaster and keyed the CryptoCube to both our DNA patterns.
It was a promise that I would return.
But my duties to the empire prevented that.
And then I heard the ravagers had eliminated you both.
In my anger, I hurled the Cube into space and tried to forget everything.
But I found it.
Dad, it's destiny.
I can get the Seed back.
Just tell me who stole it.
I'll go right now.
No.
I won't let you make the same mistake I did.
You will forget this quest.
That's an order.
(BEEPS) Fine.
(BEEPS) THANOS: You disappoint me, J'son.
We agreed, your son would find the Cosmic Seed for me.
Yet, you command him not to.
Of course, I did, Thanos.
The surest way to make my son do something is to forbid it.
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) Sorry, Pop.
I may be a prince, but I'm also a Ravager.
And we don't take orders.
Really, Dad? Don't have hardware stores on Spartax? Unless these are special questing tools.
Guys, guess what we're gonna do? Watch you behave like a fool? Oh, wait, we already did.
Okay, I messed up.
I should have stuck with you guys.
It's just been so much pressure on me with this whole prince thing.
I am Groot.
Hey, no sympathizing with the traitor.
Listen, I've got a plan I know will get the Seed this time.
And I also brought presents.
(ALL GASPING) I am Groot! - ROCKET: I want the fuzzy one.
- This warrior's cape is most acceptable.
Don't think you're off the hook.
I see no hook in Quill.
So, after my dad told me the story, I realized, we don't need to know the Seed's location to find it.
If the Cube's collected enough energy from the places we've been, it should be able to restart the teleporter thingy on Knowhere.
The Continuum Cortex? Yeah, the teleporter thingy.
Then all we gotta do is set it to take us to the greatest concentration of cosmic energy.
Which should be the Seed, right? COSMO: It is good idea, Peter Quill, who is now officially called Star-Lord.
Although, Cosmo must point out that Quill broke Cortex in first place.
Me and Thanos.
Emphasis on Thanos.
- Remember? - Of course.
Is why Cosmo allowed you to try this.
Cosmo will send you where most cosmic energy is.
Then just tap wristband when you wish retrieving.
Thanks, buddy.
Oh.
Where are we? Oz? Not Oz.
Wherever the flarg that is.
We're in Asgard! HEIMDALL: Which makes you trespassers.
Please be the cowardly Asgardian.
(SHOUTING) You mortals are not welcomed here! (BOTH GRUNTING) So, had enough yet? (SNARLING) I'll take that as a no.
(SHOUTING) (PETER SCREAMING) LOKI: Well, look who turned up on my doorstep.
They were so amusing the last time.
Grab his shield, so I can blast him.
I am Groot! (HEIMDALL GROWLING) (GASPING) (SNORING) Okay.
Saved us! You're welcome! I am Groot.
I know it just grew back.
What do you want me to do about it? He is asleep.
Quill, where'd you get that tool bag? Sort of borrowed it from my dad.
Well, the next time you have knockout powder that can take out an Asgardian, use that first! Whoa.
Don't think I don't love you, Groot, but that is a tree.
I am Groot.
Looks like it's also the source of the cosmic energy reading.
Of course, we went to the largest concentration of cosmic energy.
That's not the Seed, it's the tree it came from.
This is Yggdrasil, the world tree.
It's a bridge between the nine realms of existence.
Some say it's the source of all life in the universe (MACHINE POWERING UP) Sorry, but what did you say? Something very awe-inspiring and unimportant.
The Cosmic Seed detector is pointing down, so down we go.
Preferably, before any more helmet heads show up.
Sounds like a plan to me.
Quill, you don't think it's odd that your dad's bag just happens to have the exact tools we need? It's not true.
Look, there's no way this chain is gonna be long enough.
Oh, wait, cool! Ha-ha.
No matter how much you pull, it keeps going.
(CHUCKLES) Thanks, genius.
We grasp the concept.
PETER: Okay, here's the plan.
Gamora, you're lookout.
Drax lowers the chain, Groot climbs down while Rocket and I hang onto him.
Easy.
GAMORA: (ON COMMLINK) Quill, I still don't think this is a good idea.
The Cosmic Seed obviously came from here.
Which means your father stole it from Asgard.
So my dad was a prince and a pirate? - That's even more awesome.
- GAMORA: No, Quill, it means he's evil and I know evil fathers.
Stealing the Seed probably started the war between Asgard and Spartax in the first place.
Come on, Gamora.
If being a thief makes you a bad guy, then none of us would be heroes.
Heimdall, rise quickly.
(GASPS) The intruders were heading toward the world tree.
Sound the alarm.
HEIMDALL: At once, My Lord.
I do not know what came over me.
GAMORA: Quill, the Cosmic Seed is part of the world tree.
It belongs to the Asgardians.
We should leave it alone.
PETER: The Cosmic Seed was stolen from Dad before he crashed on Earth and before the war.
If it's here, it will prove that my dad's innocent, kinda.
Innocent-sminnocent.
We didn't come all the way here not to steal something, right? GAMORA: Just make it quick.
Sorry, Gamora.
I can't hear.
- You're breaking up.
- ROCKET: Oh, seriously, Quill.
You're going with the fake signal glitch excuse? It's real.
Something in the tree is making our tech go wonky.
- I really didn't wanna say this.
- Then don't.
PETER: The Seed was here, but it's not anymore.
You know, like always.
How could you possibly know that? That dent could be from anything.
I am Groot.
That seems like a clue.
I am Groot.
First, it was too small.
Now, it's too big.
Make up your mind.
Ah, I can't believe it got away from us again.
(RATTLING) Quill? Just give me a second, Rocket, I'm feeling stuff here.
Quill, we've got problems! What? What is so important that it can't wait one krutacking second? (GROWLING) Whoa! Okay, yeah, that's fair.
(BLASTER POWERING UP) (POWERS DOWN) That's not fair! Why won't our tech work down here? I'll make it work.
(GROWLING) - We gotta leave, like, now.
- Argh! What the flarg are these things? I am Groot! ROCKET: Natural defenses? Didn't wanna mention that before they attacked us? I am Groot! Groot! (BOTH PANTING) (BOTH SCREAMING) (GROWLING) I am Groot! Drax, if you can hear me, pull us up.
(GROWLING) I knew this would end badly.
(SHOUTING) (BOTH GRUNTING) It seems I must defeat you all over again.
I was not the one defeated! (GRUNTING) I am Groot.
(ALL GROWLING) Ah! Drax, what part of "Pull us up" didn't you get? - Gamora, I need cover.
- I'm on it.
Get them up.
(SHOUTING) Whatever you are attempting to remove from the world tree, you will not succeed, villain.
(GRUNTS) I will not leave my friends.
Drax, pick a direction! Okay, time for plan B.
Use the passports to teleport outta here.
Uh, ain't we supposed to teleport with them? Okay, onto plan C.
- Yikes.
Which is? - Still working on that part.
Fortunately, so is Drax.
You get us out of this one, Drax, and I'll give back almost everything I ever stole from Okay, this is bad.
That it is, Star-Lord.
Verily bad.
THOR: With my father in the Odin sleep, it falls to me to mete out punishment for this attempted theft.
Not just theft, brother.
The Star-Lord himself has attacked the very heart of Asgard.
This is clearly an act of war by Spartax.
You're listening to this guy? Last time we met him, he Prisoners in Asgard do not speak unless spoken to, mortal.
And yet, I would hear his defense.
(SIGHS) Okay.
So we were after the Cosmic Seed, but only to prove once and for all that my dad doesn't have it.
You and Spartax have been on the edge of war for decades over nothing.
(SIGHS) It is true.
We've always harbored suspicions about the Seed's location.
Even after Heimdall used his all-sight to search the entire Spartax empire, he never found the Seed.
Well, maybe you should ask your brother Loki where it is.
My mind was thoroughly searched when the Seed was stolen.
This mortal whelp is merely attempting to deflect his own punishment.
They must all be executed according to our laws! You'd have me start a war, brother.
I would have you acknowledge that a war's already begun! How so, Loki? Nothing was taken and the world tree is undamaged.
If this was an act of war, it was a feeble one, indeed.
Too true, sister.
I see no infraction here, and no reason to create one for this youthful indiscretion.
I know what it is like to live in a father's shadow, Star-Lord.
But in your haste to outdo his legacy, never forget that you are building your own.
I'm shocked to learn my own son would behave in such a reckless, treasonous manner! Take my word, Thor, son of Odin, Star-Lord and the rabble he insists on consorting with will be punished.
I have no doubt they will, son of J.
Dad, I can explain.
Don't blather, son.
It's unworthy of your station.
Where's the Seed? No, I mean, I really don't have it.
I Wait, you wanted me to steal the Seed.
Of course, you did! You even left me the tools to do it.
I did no such thing.
I merely hoped that if my heir was going to put our planet on the brink of war, he'd be competent enough to get what he was after.
You know what, I may be your son, but you can find yourself another heir.
It's time for me and my real family to go, Your Highness.
Thor never even suspected that I gave the Star-Lord the tools he needed to assault Asgard.
By the time he realizes my part in this, it will be far too late.
I will have war between Asgard and Spartax.
A war that will topple that ignorant hammer-throwing fool off his throne.
I promise you, Odin, a true king will rule Asgard.
Me.
GAMORA: We're proud of you, Quill.
Giving up your birthright couldn't have been easy.
Eh, what does a smelly old palace have that we don't? Except spa tubs, free slippers, those awesome pillows.
Can I get one of those pillows I gave you guys? (CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY) I am Groot.
(SIGHS) It's good to be back.