Penn Zero: Part-Time Hero (2014) s01e16 Episode Script

Wherever good is threatened, heroes rise to the challenge and always save the day! Except when they don't.
And that's when I go to work.
I zap in two dimensions every day It's my job to be a hero, save the world And make things right Kung fu moles, rescue trolls Punch a zombie! Score a goal! I'm a robot, I'm a rabbit, I'm a knight Stretching, swinging, sliding by Kicking monsters in the eye Boone and Sashi always sticking by my side No villain's gonna stop Penn Zero, part-time hero! Penn Zero, part-time hero! Penn Zero, part-time hero! Penn Zero You know, we have the best jobs in the world.
Not only that we fight for good, but we get showered with glory.
- Yeah.
"We.
" - What do you mean? Penn gets all the showerings of glory.
What are you guys talking about? - Huh? - Nothing.
I thought I heard someone say something about showering, and I do have some strong opinions on the matter.
Let's start with shower heads.
Classic stainless steel or chrome? 'Cause I say stainless steel.
Chrome looks cheap no matter how you dress it up.
Yeah! All right! Tricked-out clown cars.
Alright.
Let's see what she can do.
Oh! Go, Penn's car, go Penn's car.
Cool.
A gumball I was just sitting on.
Still warm.
Ho-ho, you're gonna love that one, pal.
And Sashi? Well, at least you'll never run out of gas.
Okay, we're competing in the Chuckle City 500.
The winner becomes the new mayor.
Someone has to beat Rippen, or, as his first act of legislation, he'll ban happiness and rename Chuckle City Sad Clown Town.
Welcome to the Chuckle City Race For Mayor.
My name is Wacky Bustgutty, and I left my sound effect props at home, so my producer Gene is forcing me to do them with my own mouth.
Honk, honk.
Ah-ooga! Boone, buddy, you might wanna just chillax on the gumballs for a second.
Your jaw muscles are starting to freak me out.
Seriously.
I mean, you look like an animal.
I'd recognize that big back porch anywhere.
Hello.
Ha ha! Glad to see you haven't gone back to being a negative Nancy.
- No offense, Nancy.
- None of this matters anyway.
- Any tips on how to win this race? - Yeah.
Watch your back.
And your front.
And your sides.
And your top.
I'm gonna be mayor.
Stay outta my way.
You, too, Mitch.
Get ready to lose.
I have the best car.
Nothing can stop me! Rippen, guess what my car shoots.
Hint: it's pies! I know.
Mmm.
Key lime.
If I'm not mistaken.
Ladies and gentle-clowns, please turn your attention to the VIP booth.
where outgoing lame duck mayor, Mayor Lame Duck quack, quack, quack will fire the starting pistol.
Boing, clang, woosh! Ready! Set! Go! Say aah! Oh, gross.
PZ, watch out for the giant pot.
- Pothole? - No.
Pot! I'm on it.
Hey, there's a bunch of old spaghetti in here.
Ugh, too much garlic.
Gong sound! That "Gong sound" means the racers are approaching the end of the first leg.
My gas pedal got stuck to the floor.
You know what, I bet it's the gum.
That's okay.
It was just the first leg, but Boone, buddy, if you go that fast, how am I supposed to finish first? Okay.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Our mission isn't to make sure you win.
It's to make sure Rippen loses, which means any of us can win the race.
Maybe someone else can have their baboon head crowned by the spider queen this time.
Oh.
Well, yeah, I didn't know you guys felt that way.
Look, we can all compete.
I mean, I have impeccable hand-eye coordination, and an insatiable need for speed, not to mention, I'm the hero, but, you know, you guys have a lot of other great qualities which may not be applicable in this particular situation, but so what? Let's just promise to not let competing mess with our friendship.
What's that supposed to mean?! Sorry.
I meant to say, good luck! Yeah! Friendship.
I should probably wash my hands.
Yes, I was about to get to that, Gene.
Leg two is about to begin.
Hey, Sash, good luck.
You, too.
Ready, set, go! Your slipperiest.
Hey, it's just part of the competition.
This finally feels like a fair fight.
Wah, wah, wah waaah! This is a terrible design flaw.
Yolk's on you, Sash.
Ow.
Ow! - Hey, watch it.
- You watch it! What are we watching? I don't even see a TV.
Winning by default.
Nothing sweeter.
Rippen's gonna have a huge lead now.
Sorry, PZ.
We should never have competed with you.
You're our leader, you deserve the glory.
Sashi, shushy.
Because the truth is, I'm nothing without you guys.
- Hey, we're a team.
- Mhm.
Yeah.
With our cars wrecked, none of us will be able to beat Rippen.
We'll just have to unwreck them.
Or as Boone would say This is the final leg.
This one's for all the marbles.
Uh, I thought this was to become mayor.
Yes.
Yes, of course.
I'll stick to the sound effects.
Bang! Ah-ooga! Nyuck-nyuck-nyuck.
Happy, Gene? Ow! Go! Let 'er rip, Sash.
You aren't the only one who primped their ride.
I hate to tell you this, but that's not my monkey.
Then the potter said Guys, we're carrying too much weight.
Must've eaten too many banana peels.
See you at the winner's circle.
- So this is what last place feels like.
- You'll get used to it.
I won.
I won! I finally won! Ho ho ho! I finally won! Yes! Now, swear me in, so I can ban happiness once and for all.
Larry? Larry, what's going on? Oh, you didn't hear? I won the race, like, an hour ago.
Yeah, I was loading a pie into my cannon, and accidentally fell in.
Then it went off and shot me all the way to the finish line.
Check out the playback.
Watch again.
Look how fast I'm goin'.
Still got pie all over me, and look at this.
That is pie, by the way.
But I'm the villain! Hey, just 'cause I'm the minion doesn't mean I can't win.
You egomaniac.
Sorry, guys.
You'll get to be in the winner's circle next time, I promise.
Rippen losing is victory enough.
A win-win.
Did I win? Someone take away his drumsticks.
Good afternoon, Phyllis.
How's it going? Today is just routine desnaking.
Snakes?! Is nothing.
Today, you get to be spy.
Spies?! Oh, yes! High-tech gadgets.
Tuxedos.
Oh, and maybe a high-tech tuxedo.
With gadgets.
And oh, what is happening? Don't worry.
Going in hurt me, but going out will hurt snake.
Good luck.
Zero.
Penn Zero.
- I think your bowtie is a spider.
- What?! Ah! Get it off, get it off, get it off me! Ugh! What's going on? W-W-Wait a second.
We're cavemen? - Cave people.
Thank you.
- All right, we're agents for the CLIA.
- The Caveman Low Intelligence Agency.
- Cave people.
Our mission: locate a weapon of mass destruction and return it to cave quarters before it falls into enemy hands.
Could this super weapon destroy the world in the blink of an eye? - It's a rock.
- Okay.
Well, R-O-C-K must be an acronym for something dangerous, like Remote Operated Command Killbot.
- It's a rock.
- Is it actually an egg for some sort of monster - that threatens all of cave-manity? - It's just a rock.
Is it made of diamonds? - Rock.
- What is dangerous about a rock?! It's really big.
Okay.
Where is this really big rock? On it.
Computer, where is the deadly rock? Cool.
- I'll call in our assistant.
- Ow! You rang, ma'am? Yeah.
We need intel for the location of the rock.
I will check with Nug, our satellite tech-nician.
Launching satellite! Processing satellite data.
This is cool.
Seein' a satellite up close like this.
Our surveillance revealed the location of the rock, sir.
- Thanks, Nug.
That'll be all.
- Thank you, ma'am.
Now to get outfitted with the latest gadgets.
It's gizmo time! That's my catch phrase in this world.
Please save your applause for the end.
State-of-the-art nano-rocks.
- What do they do? - They're basically small.
Can they pick locks maybe? No, but the good thing is, I don't think locks have been invented.
Next we have - Please tell me they shoot lasers.
- They shoot lasers.
- But not really, right? - No.
Of course not.
Boone, do you have anything that's even remotely cool? Yes.
Because Boone saved the best for last.
Your spymobile.
- It's just a log.
- And it's all yours! I don't see why we don't just walk.
This log could come in handy.
We just haven't figured out how yet.
In five feet, turn right.
- I meant my right.
- It's the same right.
Ow, ow, sharp rocks! Ow! This hurts so much! See, Penn? Because of the log, we're making good time.
Uh-oh.
- Better drop the anchor.
- Boone, no, that's the map.
It's gizmo time.
You're not using your catch phrase properly! This is such a disappointing world full of useless stuff.
Stupid prehistoric sticks.
Stupid prehistoric rocks.
Stupid prehistoric trip wire.
Huh? Whoa! Behold the dead woolly rhino minivan.
Great for families, and villains bent on world domination.
And check out the cup holders.
Oh, no, that's just a nostril.
But you know what, it still works, though.
- I must say, I love it here.
- I can bring about wonders these primitive cavemen can't even dream of.
I mean, look at that.
A grass toupee.
I did that in, like, five seconds.
But my favorite is this.
Uh, why don't you just feed us to the saber-tooth tiger? Because I'm an innovator.
Now tell me where the rock is.
The only one who knows is Boone, and he will never tell you.
The rock is The rock is over in that general direction somewhere.
- No! - Thanks for that.
To the woolly rhino, Larry.
I hate the idea of learning anything from Rippen, but these are desperate times.
Instead of wishing this world were something it's not, I should just make the most of what it actually is.
Rocks.
Nano rocks.
Quick, before he gets up.
Fire.
Alright.
We'd better hurry if we're gonna catch up to Rippen.
He's on a dead woolly rhino.
We've got time.
First, I'm gonna put on something a little more formal.
Oh, it's giving birth.
I thought spiders laid eggs.
Closing my mouth now; they're getting in.
There! Behold.
The world's most powerful weapon.
I'll destroy CLIA and rule with an iron fist.
Uh, we're pre-Iron Age here, so maybe a wooden fist.
Or a delicious fist fashioned out of papaya, huh? - Or - Not so fast, Rippen.
You're too late, Penn Zero.
I'm completely in control of this giant rock.
- You can steer? - It's all in the glutes.
- Pressing smokescreen.
- Got it.
- Pressing cannon.
- On it.
My hair invention! - Pressing net.
- That's you.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
There's no fake emergency brake button! It's gizmo time.
- Nice save, Boone.
- You know flip-flops are my thing.
No! Whee! Hee-hee! - Um, what are they doing? - I think they're applauding us.
Yeah.
Maybe we should teach them how to clap.
No, no, this is kinda cool.
And really weird.
What is this glowing burning power that allows you to be out after Father Ocean eats Baby Sun? Uh Oh, you mean fire.
Uncle Fire could be used as a weapon.
We'll have to make sure it doesn't fall into the wrong hands.
Like mine! No more satellite launches.
Nug will rule the world! You'll never catch me.
Someone call Nug's emergency contact.