Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja (2012) s01e16 Episode Script

1 Go ninja! I was chosen to protect my school from the forces of evil.
I am the ninja.
I am Randy Cunningham.
Smoke bomb! Hmm.
Only 42 more minutes, and it is officially winter break.
I say "Winter," you say "Break.
" Winter Winter! I say "Winter," you say Break! You say "Break.
" I gave you the easy part.
What the juice? Oh, sorry, Cunningham.
I was, um, thinking about a thing.
It's the holidays! 'Tis the season for not thinking.
- Winter break! - # This song is for my friend, Flute Girl # Late is my Christmas gift to her It's a song that I wrote It's a song that I wrote This is a song It is a song Song, song, song, song Hey, you said you wanted the gift of tunes for Christmas.
Ugh! I said I wanted a McFist tunes gift card.
Pull your dinger out of your ear.
So what are we doing tonight? Movie marathon, game marathon? Oh, I know! Movies based on games marathon? - Look, about tonight I'm out.
- What?! We are not done talking about this.
Winter break.
- Hmm - Winter break! OK, Bucky.
Time for a little ditty I call "Hark the Herald Ninja Rings".
Ninja wreath wrath! What happened? Did you like my song? - Bucky! - Just say "yes.
" Uh, yes? Have a merry winter break, and a happy new smoke bomb! Uh Smoke bomb! Well guess I'm gonna take off, so No offense, but that was the most shoob-tacular ninja exit ever.
I think I'm out of smoke bombs.
How could I be out of smoke bombs?! Wow.
You know, I waste a lot of smoke bombs.
So go to the NinjaNomistore and order more.
- Can I even do that? - Why are you asking me? "The ninja smoke bomb is a tool of strategy, not a toy for show.
" Come on! Smoke bombs not for show? Have you seen how Bruce I look? I'm all, "Smoke bomb.
" Then I'm like, "Kaboosh!" Ow.
OK, smoke bombs are for strategy.
Just tell me how to restock.
Whoa.
Ha! "Only from the sacred sap of the skunk pine can a ninja craft bombs of smoke.
" A-ha, a quest! There is no better way to kick off winter break.
Winter break! - Little change of plans for tonight.
- Hmm? Before we get our movie marathon on, we've got to take a quick trip to the forest.
- See, there's this tree.
- But I know, you hate nature, but the sap is the only way to make smoke bombs.
Don't worry.
We have 12 more days of winter break.
- Winter break! - I said I can't hang out tonight.
I have a previous engagement? "Previous engagement.
" That's hilarious! Wait, are you serious? What What you up to? Nothing! It's just, uh, a family thing? Oh, OK, yeah.
Uh, I guess I'll, um, I'll see you tomorrow.
Uh, yes! Tomorrow.
- Call me! - Mmm I think Mother Nature just ripped one.
Hello, skunk pie.
Oh, it's awful! But sacred, sacredly awful.
Ninja sap tap! Huh? What the juice? McFist, you just snaked my smoke bomb tree! Eh! Doesn't smell very festive.
Oh, Hannibal, you got me the biggest tree in the forest! Just like you asked, sugarplums.
Merry McChristmas faceless drones of my McEmpire.
Enjoy the free eats! McFist killed a 800-year-old sacred ninja tree for his holiday party? I did not see that coming.
No way McFist is dumb enough to leave these things unlocked! Oh, McFist, you need to ninja-proof your house.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, this is such a super party, Hannibal.
I've been mingling so much my smile muscles are starting to cramp.
- Mmm! - Although I still think we should've gotten a DJ.
Do you know how hard it was to book Doc Matrix and the Inkjet quartet? Hmm? - Shrimp-ba-ba-ru-ba! - Howard?! - What the juice are you doing here? - Oh, Cunningham! Hey! Great to see you at this party which I am also attending.
- You said you had a family thing.
- It is a family thing! My dad's company was bought out by McFist's company.
- We're a McFist family now.
Yay - What? Your dad works for my arch-nemesis? Why didn't you tell me? Because I knew you'd be all "What?!" Look, it's really not such a big deal.
Being lied to by your best friend? That's the biggest deal.
- Hmm? - So the ninja is back.
The ninja? Hm.
Attention, everyone! Our security system has detected an intruder.
I bet it's that guy.
No, you shoob, he means me! Please display your McFist bands for the robo-elves, so we can find the uninvited guest and eliminate him! Eh, nicely.
Show me your McFist band or be destroyed.
Merry Christmas! I'll give you mine.
That'll totally make up for me lying to you.
It totally won't.
- I gotta get to that tree.
- It's getting looser.
No, tighter! It's getting tighter.
Fist band.
Show me your McFist band.
Merry Christmas.
your McFist band.
Show me your McFist band.
Ah Huh? - Show me your McFist band.
- Ah, I'm totally shoobed.
"The ninja smoke bomb is a tool of strategy, not a toy for show.
" Show? Strategy? What if, sometimes, the show is the strategy? Merry Christmas, everybody! All right! Whoa.
He just came out of that chimney! The ninja is Santa Claus? You're a fake! - My, what a glorious tree.
- Yeah.
She's a real beaut.
So, what are you doing here, Ninja? Oh, I just stopped by to see Norrisville's most beloved gazillionaire.
But, while I'm here, Ninja sap attack! Not sure why you're doing that, but I am not going to let it happen.
Really? In front of all these people.
Merry Christmas, McFist.
And to all a good ninja! I can't believe that worked.
Oh boy.
Almost worked.
It almost worked.
In the spirit of the holidays, any chance we can just skip this fight? So that's a "no.
" Get him.
Ninja dodge! On Dasher, on Donner, on Dancer, on Blitzen.
And a snowball slash.
Mmm.
Oh-uh.
- My sap! - Destroy the ninja.
Destroy the ninja! Yes! I mean, no! Wow! Oh, the robots, they have gone crazy! Everyone, please exit the room in an orderly fashion.
Oh, boy.
Give that snowman a raise.
- I got my wristband off! - A little late, buddy.
- If only I had a smoke bomb.
- Didn't you find your smoke bomb tree? Howard, that is the smoke bomb tree.
- Wait a minute.
- The smoke bomb tree! You're a genius! Although I'm still mad at you.
If you let him escape Christmas is cancelled! Huh? Ah! Whoa! Yah! I've been waiting all night to say this.
Smoke bomb! I can't see a thing.
Did we get him?! - It smells like - The smoke bomb tree.
It's gone.
Listen, I'm sorry I lied to you.
But what if I got you a present that made everything all better? There's no thing you could get me that would possibly make up for Except that.
Now I hit it with some art of heal.
Couple days I be dripping in smoke bombs.
- Thanks, Howard.
- Merry Christmas, Cunningham.
I did not think this is how we'd be - kicking off winter break.
- Winter break! Winter break! Listen, I know why you didn't tell me about your dad working for McFist, and I just want you to know we're best friends.
You can tell me anything.
Cool! 'Cause I've been meaning to tell you.
I've been borrowing your underpants for, like, months.
Ooh why would you tell me that? I'm Mac Antfee, world-famous butt-whooper.
Butt-Whooper.
Give me two days, and I can turn anyone into a ninja.
Even me, Mac Antfee? Ooh! Mac Antfee's Fantasy Ninja Camp-splosion! Camp-splosion.
Get ready to eat fist! Two for this weekend's Camp-splosion.
Howard, I can't play ninja with you this weekend.
Why not? We used to play ninja together all the time! Those were the bruise-old days.
Then go to Ninja Camp with me, Cunningham.
Fate and this credit card have given us a chance to ninja as we once did.
- Yah! - Yah! I can't.
I have to stay here and train.
In case you haven't noticed, I've been a little off my ninja game lately.
Oh-ho, I noticed.
Everybody's noticed.
Ninja chop! Huh? Ooh, my bad.
So you've had a few off days.
Don't start questioning whether you're the right guy to be the Ninja.
- I'm not! - Neither am I.
The point is, you need to sharpen your skills.
Where better than Ninja Camp? Camp-splosion! Seriously? We're in the middle of a conversation here.
And it's a good one.
Ah! I just got Nomiconned.
I'm not the wrong guy to be the Ninja, right? "The questions of the present can be answered by the past.
" Mac Antfee was the Ninja?! He could tell me if I'm truly a ninja or just some shoob in black jimmy jams.
Guess I'm getting my 'splosion on! Hey, it smelled like that before I went in there! No, Howard, look! I am Mac Antfee, master ninja, fitness model, and world-famous butt-whoop-smith! Mr.
Antfee, it is an honor to meet you.
I have so many questions.
- What is the meaning of being a ninja? - Being a ninja means protecting the weak and fighting for good, sir! Wow Not even close! Being a ninja means winning by any means necessary.
No matter what! You're a fan of the Ninja of Norrisville, aren't you? Oh, you and me both, right? I don't like you.
And I doubt I ever will.
Aside from Johnny Nicewad here, who's up for winning some fights? Now, get out there and hurt each other! This guy's a little more intense than I expected.
I know! He's like the coolest ninja I've ever met! Second coolest, Cunningham, second coolest.
Prepare to learn the battle-owned wisdom of the masters! I'm talking fish-hookin', foot-stompin', and a little beauty I like to call the conversation-stopper! Yes! In your face, Ninja! Ha-ha! I love this guy! Really, Nomicon? This is the past ninja you wanted me to learn from? OK, candy apples, time to separate the winners from whatever you call people who don't win.
I wouldn't know.
I don't hang out with un-winners.
On your mark, get set - Hey, he cheated! - No, he won.
Yeah! Mark my words, as a ninja, you will find yourself staring down the business end of a pressurized gravy cannon.
You never told me about the gravy! There is no gravy.
I'm starting to think Mac's a little off.
Where's my man-gong? Huh? Help! I can't move.
- What was that?! - Braden needed help.
"Braden needed help.
" That little weasel out-ninja-ed you! Time to step it up, chowder face! All right, Nicewad, can't wait to see how you totally blow this one.
Throw muck in his eye.
Bam! - Make him eat fist! - But he's half my size.
Then you only gotta throw half the muck.
Man-gong! Listen, Braden, I'm not gonna Ah! Are you? What? Your hands are so tiny! Winner! This little twerp's got the spirit of Ninja in him! - Winner! Winner! Both winners! - Yeah! Everyone makes the Smackdown Squad except you.
You are not a ninja.
Not now, not ever! Come, my Macolytes, join me in the Pagoda of Infinite Knowledge.
Where you will receive your Smackdown suits and coupons good for 10 percent off anything in the Smackdown shop! Slappage! Hah! Uh, if we could get the slappage happening, that would be great.
- I got a tent of wisdom to get to.
- It's the Pagoda of Knowledge.
And it's stupid.
This whole place is stupid.
How could you make the squad and I didn't? - I'm the Ninja! - Are you? 'Cause right now, you're acting like a real chowder-face.
Smoke bomb, Cunningham, smoke bomb.
What am I supposed to learn from that psycho?! If that's the kind of ninja I'm supposed to be, then you got the wrong freshman.
You are condemned for conduct unbecoming a ninja.
Turn in your mask.
- Huh? - You can't do this! I'm Mac Antfee! Someday, I'll come back for that ninja suit.
And when I get it, I'll kick every butt in Norrisville! "The questions of the present can be answered by the past.
" You could've just told me Mac Antfee was a nutjob.
What was this, some kind of test? Oh, my ninja, it was a test! And I aced it! I am the right guy to be the Ninja.
Mac Antfee, prepare to get your butt whooped by a Nicewad.
You have proved you will do anything to win.
Now you must prove you will do anything for Mac Antfee to win! - Yeah! - Begin the Mac Antfee Loyalty Oath.
It is the spark that lights the fuse of your ninja-splosion.
Repeat after me: Mac Antfee is the one true Ninja.
Mac Antfee is the one true Ninja.
I will follow every order Mac gives without question.
I follow every order Mac gives without question.
The Ninja of Norrisville is a jerk! - The Ninja of Norrisville is a jerk! - Hang on a second.
We will find him, crush him, strip him of his suit, give said suit to Mac Antfee, and applaud loudly as Mac Antfee kicks every butt in Norrisville! Just say "OK"! OK! Crush the Ninja! Hey, I'm not really much of a chanter, so I'm gonna on second thought, I could chant.
- Hah! - Ninja! - Ninja! - Oh, hey, Mac.
Thought I'd stop by, see how the whole 'splosion's going.
Red Suits, this is my moment.
This is why we meet every first and third Saturday of the month.
This is the time! - Let him eat fist! - Looks like it's just you and me.
You know you don't have to do this.
Perfect.
I'm gonna go hide in the kitchen.
Uh-oh.
Unleash the 'splosion! Attack! I got this.
Ow! Oh! Ow! - A-ha! - Finally, I will take the suit back - and make the world kiss my butt.
- Not while I'm the Ninja.
Ooh! Huh? What? You didn't really think I was gonna fight you? You got the suit, it wouldn't be fair.
You are dumb.
- Hand over the mask.
- No honking way.
Howard! Hey.
Just so you know, Ninja, I totally took down that shoob, Braden.
Yeah.
And then these guys showed up.
You have betrayed me, Macolyte.
Yeah, well, that's 'cause I realized you were wiggety-nuts! Give me the mask or I drop him! Don't do it, Ninja.
What am I saying? Give him the mask! Fine.
Just one thing.
Smoke bomb! It's not possible! That kid has escaped, bro! Hey, why don't you reel me in and we'll look for him together? Ninja bluff! - Let him go! - You just read my mind.
Don't mean to be ungrateful, but you're giving me an epic wedgie right now! Where's Mac Antfee? Hey, Ninja, sorry about that whole trying-to-take-you-down thing.
We just kinda assumed it was part of the 'splosion.
It's cool.
I'm just thankful one of you stuck with me through it all.
This dainty-handed warrior possesses the spirit of a true ninja.
Yeah! In your face, Braden! Smoke bomb! Ah, Ninja Camp, great idea, Howard.
You know, we should go again next year.
Hey, don't be bitter, Cunningham.
So you're not cut out for Ninja Camp.
You're just too much of a | Nicewad.
Guess you're just gonna have to settle for being the best ninja Norrisville ever had.
Of course, you did let Mac get away.
I'm Mac Antfee.
World-famous butt-whooper.
And I will 'splode again! Yeah, in your face, Braden!