Rita Rocks (2008) s01e16 Episode Script
I Can't Make You Love Me
Oh Well, hello there, Mr.
Jackson.
So nice of you to drop by.
Please allow me to show you to your room.
Ooh! Damn it! The next delivery that comes to this house is gonna be a bill from my chiropractor.
What is in here? Organic venison.
You know-- deer meat.
Oh, my God, I just delivered Rudolph.
Don't get me started.
Jay's Aunt Mavis is visiting us for the first time in three years, and she has to have organic meat and sleep on organic hemp sheets.
She's an organic pain in my butt.
Oh, right, that's the aunt that lives in Africa, right? The photographer? She's the one that sent us the picture of the zebra being gutted by the vultures.
I mean, not my idea of a Christmas card, but whatever.
Oh, whoa! Uh I hope that you didn't buy this, 'cause this thing is hideous.
She sends us all these exotic gifts from all over the world, and then we have to display them when she comes into town.
You should see the living room.
I just emptied an entire box of unpronounceable crap.
But she's Jay's favorite aunt, so whenever she's in town, I put on an an act that she doesn't bother me.
You know, I do it for Jay.
Actually, it's more than an act, it's, uh, it's really an Oscar-winning performance.
Oh, my God, Mavis! I love this metal striped elephant.
It is so us.
Thank you.
Yes, yes! I thank you.
Brava! Brava! Can I have your autograph? Oh, please, no paparazzi.
No, no, seriously.
I need you to sign for the dead deer meat.
Oh.
Oh.
Listen, if you come by for coffee this week, it's gonna be tasting a little bit differently.
She only drinks ground Tanzanian roast.
But I love it! Hey, hey-hey-hey, by the way-- did you happen to find some cash lying around? I think I might've dropped a 20 in our last band rehearsal.
No, uh, no, no.
But you know what? All the packages you deliver, I don't think we've ever given you a proper tip.
Oh This is my 20, isn't it? Yeah, yeah.
We're home! Mother, Mavis is here! Aunt Mavis, it is so good to see you.
I don't know how you do it-- you look younger every time you get here.
That's because I travel with sheep placenta cream.
Always a hoot watching the security dogs try to hump my luggage.
Mom, look at what Aunt Mavis got me.
Yes, that's from a bazaar in Mozambique.
It's an ocelot.
Which she likes an awful lot.
Check out this statue she got me.
It's an Akua'ba.
She's a fertility goddess.
That's great.
I guess they didn't have any abstinence goddesses, huh? And I don't want you to think that I forgot about you, Rita, because I know how much you love all the gifts that I bring you.
Oh I do! I do, I do, I do and I do.
Here's another one.
Oh, my God, Mavis! I love the this! Wow, that is amazing, Aunt Mavis, as usual.
Oh, and look-- look what she got me.
Aha! That's his very own field fedora.
It's the exact same one that Indiana Jones wore.
Aunt Mavis took me to see that movie 16 times.
Mm-hmm.
BOTH: "Nazis.
I hate these guys.
" You look very handsome in that, Jaybird.
Thank you.
Wait a minute-- "Jaybird"? When your daddy was a toddler, he had the cutest little habit of tearing off his pants and running around naked.
Thank God I grew out of that, huh? Yeah.
Two kids later.
But RITA ROCKS PRODUCTIONS, LLC And I took this one from a hot air balloon over the Serengeti.
See the migrating patterns of the wildebeests? Wow.
That's amazing.
Mm-hmm.
The only wildlife shot I ever got was Christmas, when we put antlers on the dog.
(guffaws) Check it out, Mavis.
Come springtime, this pot you gave me is going to be brimming with tulips.
I'm sorry, Rita, my mistake.
The pot is a tagine.
It's used to prepare marinated meats.
Uh oh.
No, no, then, come springtime, that pot's gonna be brimming with marinated meats, which taste faintly of potting soil.
All right, I would love to keep this party rolling, but I gotta go to work.
And you two can't be late for school-- grab your backpacks.
We don't want to go to school.
Can't we take an Aunt Mavis Day? Yeah, we take a day off for Columbus, and what has he done for me lately? No, guys, you have to go to school so, eventually, you can get jobs and get out of our lives.
Now kiss, kiss.
I'll pass.
All right.
And I'll take hers.
I am off to uncover the treasures of the insurance world.
(makes whooshing sound) The sad thing is, the insurance geeks he works with are going to think that bit is really cool.
Thanks for letting me put Hallie's mattress on the floor.
After all those years of sleeping in yurts, I get nosebleeds if I'm more than four inches off the ground.
Oh, well, as much as I would love to stay and listen to your stories (gasps) I'm off to uncover the treasures of towels and toilet brushes.
Bye, Mavis.
(grunting) Good morning.
Started out good, but then I had to cart another package up here.
This is not what I signed up for when I joined the Postal Service.
Let me help you with that.
Oh! Thank you! You wouldn't want to help me with the rest of my route, would you? And right here.
Okay.
Okay.
That's one nice tagine you got goin' there.
Thank you.
Can you believe my nephew's wife planted bulbs in it? (guffaws) Well, maybe she didn't know what it was for.
Yeah, and that's just for starters.
Oh, I tell you, if I didn't love my nephew so much, I would tell that woman how I really feel about her.
The truth is I can't stand her.
(stammering) Wh-What? Say what? I hope you don't know her.
I mean, I-I seen her around.
Look, um But-But, you know, I'm not one to gossip, so if you want to unload some information that I will share with absolutely no one, you go right ahead.
I don't want to keep you from your route.
Look, I am in a union.
It'll get there when it gets there.
Come on.
(car alarm chirps) Hey, shh, shh! Get down! Shh! What? No, no, no! (shushing, whispering indistinctly) (quietly): Shut the door shut the door, shut the door! Shut the door! Shut the door! All right, stop yelling at me.
What is wrong? (whispering): All right Listen Mavis doesn't know we know each other, so she can't see us talking together.
Why? (breathlessly): Okay You know how you've been putting on this big act, pretending to tolerate Mavis for Jay's sake? I'm familiar.
Okay Well, guess what? You don't have to do that anymore, 'cause she can't stand you! Wha Wait, what are you talking about? Oh, okay, I ran into her on my route, right? And we started chatting it up, and it turns out that she's just trying to please Jay, too.
Whoo! So how was work? Wait-- no, no-- I'm sorry; I don't get this.
She just started pouring her heart out to you? Yeah, you know, people tend to do that with me.
It's my warm, friendly face.
No, it just, it just makes people want to talk to me.
I wish sometimes my face would just say, "Shut up!" I can't believe Mavis doesn't like me.
Why doesn't she like me? What do you care? It's done.
Show's over.
No, I mean, it's just-- I don't I don't get it.
I mean, me being annoyed by her-- you know, that-- that I get, you know? But I'm I'm immensely likeable.
I'm a treat.
And modest, too.
All right, all right, so I get it; okay.
Shouldn't bother me, you know? And it doesn't.
It doesn't.
Ma-Mavis doesn't like me, yeah? Doesn't like me.
And I am fine with that.
How could she not like me?! This is crazy! Honey, why would she tell Patty something like that? She doesn't even know her.
Patty says it's her uniform.
It makes people open up to her.
Like that time you told her that you paid the neighborhood kid to clean out the gutters and then took credit for it yourself.
I never did that.
She told you I told her? Yeah, Patty's my friend.
She tells me everything.
But Mavis didn't know that.
All right, well, no matter what Patty told you-- and more stuff may come out-- I've never seen a hint of Aunt Mavis not liking you.
Of course, it's always been obvious to me that you aren't crazy about her.
What?! I adore Aunt Mavis.
(high-pitched voice): "Aunt Mavis, I love the blah-blah you got me, even more than the bluh-bluh-blah" Nobody's buying it.
If you can see through that, then so can Mavis-- oh! She buys me all these gifts from all around the world.
I mean, I don't know what they are, I don't know how to pronounce them, I don't know how to use them-- I mean, what am I? I don't know.
(groans) You know what? She thinks I don't appreciate her gifts.
She thinks I'm not worldly.
Honey, stop it.
You know, there could be a million reasons why she doesn't like you.
You didn't let me finish.
A million reasons that I would find ridiculous.
If it bothers you so much, I'll just go talk to her.
No, no, I don't want to put you in the middle, you know.
I just I need to get her one-on-one, you know, somewhere where she's comfortable.
And I get her to like me enough to tell me why she doesn't like me.
I don't think you tried that hard to get me to like you.
Well, you need to have not liked me for me to try hard to get What about this is all confusing, Jay? MAVIS: A Moroccan restaurant in this sleepy little suburb.
Thank you.
Who would've thought it? Yep, we come here all the time.
I'd like to think of it as our North African home away from home.
you know, because, Morocco is in North Africa.
(chuckling): Yeah.
Well, look at that-- the kaftan I sent you last Christmas.
I'm so glad you like it.
Like it? It's practically a second skin.
I wear it so much I really like this place, Rita.
Yes, yes, it's, uh It's, it's, it's great.
It's the mix of, uh, the decor and the, and the ambience and the, and the company.
All delightful.
Some might say a treat.
Welcome to the Marrakesh Restaurant, your refuge from the vexations of modern life and the jewel of the Ferndale Mall.
Thank, thank you.
Cheers.
No, uh-uh-uh, that's a finger bowl.
It's for washing your hands.
Oh.
Yeah, I know, I know.
It's just, like, my, uh, my lips were a little dirty, so I thought I'd wash them.
Allow me to start you off with our traditional Moroccan tea service.
Oh, look at that! Well, I'm really going to enjoy this now that my lips are clean, you know what I mean? Please excuse me.
Well, you I'll pour your tea for you.
No, no, let's wait for the server to come back.
Mavis, I've seen this done a thousand times.
I think I can handle it.
Uh-huh.
Ahh! Mavis Mavis, I'm sorry, Mavis.
What're you doing? You've never been to this restaurant before, have you? No, no, I haven't! What are we doing here? I wanted to figure out why is it you don't like me.
What? That's ridiculous.
No, no, stop pretending.
The mail carrier you talked to the other day? That's my best friend.
Oh.
Yeah, "oh" indeed.
I just don't know why you don't like me.
I'm a good wife, I'm a good mother, I'm I'm pleasant to people.
Will you please shake those somewhere else?! I just I've gone out of my way to make you feel comfortable in my home, with the hemp sheets and the exotic meat.
The other day I served my daughter Bambi burgers.
Do you want the truth? Yeah.
Okay.
I'm still hurt over the Thanksgiving before I went to Africa.
when I wanted to celebrate it with you guys, and Jay called and cancelled because he said you were sick.
Well, that doesn't make any sense.
I could be in a hospital bed with tubes coming out of every orifice, but if someone else is cooking, I'm there.
Oh, really? Because I decided to drive Thanksgiving over to you.
But I drove right by when I saw you out on the front lawn, playing with the kids.
Perfectly healthy.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
That was the year Jay got the last-minute Lions tickets.
Jay decided to do that instead of spending Thanksgiving with you.
Or me.
Me and the kids got stuck eating turkey pizza, a topping which, by the way, doesn't exactly work.
I can't believe my little Jaybird lied to me.
Mavis, I know you love Jay, and you don't want to believe he'd lie to you.
I love Jay, too, but I know he'd lie to you.
So I blamed you for something he did? You've been mad at me for three years for no reason.
No, let's be fair, honey.
It's not like you're terribly fond of me.
Stop.
I adore you.
Why do you think I have your stuff all over my house to remind me of you? How long before I came over there did you put it out? About ten minutes.
I'm really glad we're clearing the air here.
This feels so good.
Mm.
So, what are we gonna about my nephew who pulled the wool over both our eyes? I think you and me, Mavis, we're gonna have ourselves a little confrontation with Jaybird.
But first, let's have some lunch.
Let's the, uh, Moroccan version of a Cosmopolitan.
What is that called? A Cosmopolitan.
Oh, perfect.
Then I can do the ordering.
Oh, great, here comes Jingles.
Guess I'll, uh Shoot, I only have a twenty.
I'm gonna go ahead and make some change here.
One, two, five, seven, yeah, eleven You know what? Keep the change.
eady to lay into our little Jaybird? Time to clip his wings.
That sounds mean.
I like it.
Well, hello there.
Hey, there's my two favorite ladies in the whole wide world.
Stuff it, Jay.
Mavis and I know everything, Jay.
Thanksgiving, three years ago.
Ring a bell? Ohhh, oh, boy.
"Oh, boy," yes, you lied to her.
You told her I was sick when I wasn't just to go to a stupid game? Look, Aunt Mavis, look, what happened was is, is, I lucked into the skybox seats at a Lions game.
Skybox seats.
I mean, only God has a better view.
So you lied to both of us? Uh-uh, uh-uh.
That's not gonna cut it, mister.
Tell him, Mavis.
Skybox seats? Yeah.
That's pretty good.
I'm so sorry, Aunt Mavis.
Look, the only reason I lied was, I didn't want to disappoint you.
Mm-hmm.
Will you forgive me? Of course I can forgive you, Jaybird.
Aw, thank you for understanding, Aunt Mavis.
What? What? No, no, there's no understanding.
There's no hug.
No, Mavis, we had a plan; we were gonna come in here, we were gonna confront him, we were gonna clip his wings! I know.
I know, I know! But look at that sweet little angel face.
Rita, you need to learn to let things go.
She really does.
Mm.
I should let things go? Well, isn't that the pot calling the tagine black? See, this is what I'm talking about.
Now, I have some herbs upstairs to calm your nerves.
There's only one herb that would calm my nerves, and you're sleeping on it, sister.
Oh, uh, that's that.
What, what? No.
No, no, no, that's not that.
That's not even close to that.
Jay, you threw me under the bus.
Look, I know.
I'm sorry.
Okay? But I was just trying to protect Aunt Mavis's feelings.
Protect Aunt Mavis's feelings? What about my feelings?! I'm bending over backwards to not put you in the middle.
It turns out, you are the middle.
And when it comes to your aunt, it's just, you always have to be the golden boy.
What is that about? You know that ring you got on your finger? Yeah.
You kind of have Aunt Mavis to thank for it.
I don't understand.
(sighs) Look, Reet, I never wanted you to know this, but, um Aunt Mavis gave me the money to pay for your engagement ring.
She did? Aunt Mavis was the only one who, you know, made me focus on the most important thing in my life: you.
She said, "Don't let that one get away.
" She said that? Yeah.
It's not like she just paid for that ring.
It's kind of like she's responsible for all of this.
And if I seem desperate to please her it's because I am.
Wow, now I feel really bad about all the snide comments I made about her over the years.
And the ones I made about you in the car ride home.
Are we good? How could I stay mad at this sweet little angel face? Mmm mwah! I'm gonna heat up my leftovers.
You're gonna love the ferakh maamer.
That's Moroccan chicken.
(sputtering) (sighs) So that is that.
(cracks knuckles) Here's some valerian root for Rita.
Was that the Turkish vase I gave you? Um Rita did it.
Hey, man, it was, it was an accident.
She feels terrible.
Um Ju-Just not say anything.
You're the best! Captioned by Media
Jackson.
So nice of you to drop by.
Please allow me to show you to your room.
Ooh! Damn it! The next delivery that comes to this house is gonna be a bill from my chiropractor.
What is in here? Organic venison.
You know-- deer meat.
Oh, my God, I just delivered Rudolph.
Don't get me started.
Jay's Aunt Mavis is visiting us for the first time in three years, and she has to have organic meat and sleep on organic hemp sheets.
She's an organic pain in my butt.
Oh, right, that's the aunt that lives in Africa, right? The photographer? She's the one that sent us the picture of the zebra being gutted by the vultures.
I mean, not my idea of a Christmas card, but whatever.
Oh, whoa! Uh I hope that you didn't buy this, 'cause this thing is hideous.
She sends us all these exotic gifts from all over the world, and then we have to display them when she comes into town.
You should see the living room.
I just emptied an entire box of unpronounceable crap.
But she's Jay's favorite aunt, so whenever she's in town, I put on an an act that she doesn't bother me.
You know, I do it for Jay.
Actually, it's more than an act, it's, uh, it's really an Oscar-winning performance.
Oh, my God, Mavis! I love this metal striped elephant.
It is so us.
Thank you.
Yes, yes! I thank you.
Brava! Brava! Can I have your autograph? Oh, please, no paparazzi.
No, no, seriously.
I need you to sign for the dead deer meat.
Oh.
Oh.
Listen, if you come by for coffee this week, it's gonna be tasting a little bit differently.
She only drinks ground Tanzanian roast.
But I love it! Hey, hey-hey-hey, by the way-- did you happen to find some cash lying around? I think I might've dropped a 20 in our last band rehearsal.
No, uh, no, no.
But you know what? All the packages you deliver, I don't think we've ever given you a proper tip.
Oh This is my 20, isn't it? Yeah, yeah.
We're home! Mother, Mavis is here! Aunt Mavis, it is so good to see you.
I don't know how you do it-- you look younger every time you get here.
That's because I travel with sheep placenta cream.
Always a hoot watching the security dogs try to hump my luggage.
Mom, look at what Aunt Mavis got me.
Yes, that's from a bazaar in Mozambique.
It's an ocelot.
Which she likes an awful lot.
Check out this statue she got me.
It's an Akua'ba.
She's a fertility goddess.
That's great.
I guess they didn't have any abstinence goddesses, huh? And I don't want you to think that I forgot about you, Rita, because I know how much you love all the gifts that I bring you.
Oh I do! I do, I do, I do and I do.
Here's another one.
Oh, my God, Mavis! I love the this! Wow, that is amazing, Aunt Mavis, as usual.
Oh, and look-- look what she got me.
Aha! That's his very own field fedora.
It's the exact same one that Indiana Jones wore.
Aunt Mavis took me to see that movie 16 times.
Mm-hmm.
BOTH: "Nazis.
I hate these guys.
" You look very handsome in that, Jaybird.
Thank you.
Wait a minute-- "Jaybird"? When your daddy was a toddler, he had the cutest little habit of tearing off his pants and running around naked.
Thank God I grew out of that, huh? Yeah.
Two kids later.
But RITA ROCKS PRODUCTIONS, LLC And I took this one from a hot air balloon over the Serengeti.
See the migrating patterns of the wildebeests? Wow.
That's amazing.
Mm-hmm.
The only wildlife shot I ever got was Christmas, when we put antlers on the dog.
(guffaws) Check it out, Mavis.
Come springtime, this pot you gave me is going to be brimming with tulips.
I'm sorry, Rita, my mistake.
The pot is a tagine.
It's used to prepare marinated meats.
Uh oh.
No, no, then, come springtime, that pot's gonna be brimming with marinated meats, which taste faintly of potting soil.
All right, I would love to keep this party rolling, but I gotta go to work.
And you two can't be late for school-- grab your backpacks.
We don't want to go to school.
Can't we take an Aunt Mavis Day? Yeah, we take a day off for Columbus, and what has he done for me lately? No, guys, you have to go to school so, eventually, you can get jobs and get out of our lives.
Now kiss, kiss.
I'll pass.
All right.
And I'll take hers.
I am off to uncover the treasures of the insurance world.
(makes whooshing sound) The sad thing is, the insurance geeks he works with are going to think that bit is really cool.
Thanks for letting me put Hallie's mattress on the floor.
After all those years of sleeping in yurts, I get nosebleeds if I'm more than four inches off the ground.
Oh, well, as much as I would love to stay and listen to your stories (gasps) I'm off to uncover the treasures of towels and toilet brushes.
Bye, Mavis.
(grunting) Good morning.
Started out good, but then I had to cart another package up here.
This is not what I signed up for when I joined the Postal Service.
Let me help you with that.
Oh! Thank you! You wouldn't want to help me with the rest of my route, would you? And right here.
Okay.
Okay.
That's one nice tagine you got goin' there.
Thank you.
Can you believe my nephew's wife planted bulbs in it? (guffaws) Well, maybe she didn't know what it was for.
Yeah, and that's just for starters.
Oh, I tell you, if I didn't love my nephew so much, I would tell that woman how I really feel about her.
The truth is I can't stand her.
(stammering) Wh-What? Say what? I hope you don't know her.
I mean, I-I seen her around.
Look, um But-But, you know, I'm not one to gossip, so if you want to unload some information that I will share with absolutely no one, you go right ahead.
I don't want to keep you from your route.
Look, I am in a union.
It'll get there when it gets there.
Come on.
(car alarm chirps) Hey, shh, shh! Get down! Shh! What? No, no, no! (shushing, whispering indistinctly) (quietly): Shut the door shut the door, shut the door! Shut the door! Shut the door! All right, stop yelling at me.
What is wrong? (whispering): All right Listen Mavis doesn't know we know each other, so she can't see us talking together.
Why? (breathlessly): Okay You know how you've been putting on this big act, pretending to tolerate Mavis for Jay's sake? I'm familiar.
Okay Well, guess what? You don't have to do that anymore, 'cause she can't stand you! Wha Wait, what are you talking about? Oh, okay, I ran into her on my route, right? And we started chatting it up, and it turns out that she's just trying to please Jay, too.
Whoo! So how was work? Wait-- no, no-- I'm sorry; I don't get this.
She just started pouring her heart out to you? Yeah, you know, people tend to do that with me.
It's my warm, friendly face.
No, it just, it just makes people want to talk to me.
I wish sometimes my face would just say, "Shut up!" I can't believe Mavis doesn't like me.
Why doesn't she like me? What do you care? It's done.
Show's over.
No, I mean, it's just-- I don't I don't get it.
I mean, me being annoyed by her-- you know, that-- that I get, you know? But I'm I'm immensely likeable.
I'm a treat.
And modest, too.
All right, all right, so I get it; okay.
Shouldn't bother me, you know? And it doesn't.
It doesn't.
Ma-Mavis doesn't like me, yeah? Doesn't like me.
And I am fine with that.
How could she not like me?! This is crazy! Honey, why would she tell Patty something like that? She doesn't even know her.
Patty says it's her uniform.
It makes people open up to her.
Like that time you told her that you paid the neighborhood kid to clean out the gutters and then took credit for it yourself.
I never did that.
She told you I told her? Yeah, Patty's my friend.
She tells me everything.
But Mavis didn't know that.
All right, well, no matter what Patty told you-- and more stuff may come out-- I've never seen a hint of Aunt Mavis not liking you.
Of course, it's always been obvious to me that you aren't crazy about her.
What?! I adore Aunt Mavis.
(high-pitched voice): "Aunt Mavis, I love the blah-blah you got me, even more than the bluh-bluh-blah" Nobody's buying it.
If you can see through that, then so can Mavis-- oh! She buys me all these gifts from all around the world.
I mean, I don't know what they are, I don't know how to pronounce them, I don't know how to use them-- I mean, what am I? I don't know.
(groans) You know what? She thinks I don't appreciate her gifts.
She thinks I'm not worldly.
Honey, stop it.
You know, there could be a million reasons why she doesn't like you.
You didn't let me finish.
A million reasons that I would find ridiculous.
If it bothers you so much, I'll just go talk to her.
No, no, I don't want to put you in the middle, you know.
I just I need to get her one-on-one, you know, somewhere where she's comfortable.
And I get her to like me enough to tell me why she doesn't like me.
I don't think you tried that hard to get me to like you.
Well, you need to have not liked me for me to try hard to get What about this is all confusing, Jay? MAVIS: A Moroccan restaurant in this sleepy little suburb.
Thank you.
Who would've thought it? Yep, we come here all the time.
I'd like to think of it as our North African home away from home.
you know, because, Morocco is in North Africa.
(chuckling): Yeah.
Well, look at that-- the kaftan I sent you last Christmas.
I'm so glad you like it.
Like it? It's practically a second skin.
I wear it so much I really like this place, Rita.
Yes, yes, it's, uh It's, it's, it's great.
It's the mix of, uh, the decor and the, and the ambience and the, and the company.
All delightful.
Some might say a treat.
Welcome to the Marrakesh Restaurant, your refuge from the vexations of modern life and the jewel of the Ferndale Mall.
Thank, thank you.
Cheers.
No, uh-uh-uh, that's a finger bowl.
It's for washing your hands.
Oh.
Yeah, I know, I know.
It's just, like, my, uh, my lips were a little dirty, so I thought I'd wash them.
Allow me to start you off with our traditional Moroccan tea service.
Oh, look at that! Well, I'm really going to enjoy this now that my lips are clean, you know what I mean? Please excuse me.
Well, you I'll pour your tea for you.
No, no, let's wait for the server to come back.
Mavis, I've seen this done a thousand times.
I think I can handle it.
Uh-huh.
Ahh! Mavis Mavis, I'm sorry, Mavis.
What're you doing? You've never been to this restaurant before, have you? No, no, I haven't! What are we doing here? I wanted to figure out why is it you don't like me.
What? That's ridiculous.
No, no, stop pretending.
The mail carrier you talked to the other day? That's my best friend.
Oh.
Yeah, "oh" indeed.
I just don't know why you don't like me.
I'm a good wife, I'm a good mother, I'm I'm pleasant to people.
Will you please shake those somewhere else?! I just I've gone out of my way to make you feel comfortable in my home, with the hemp sheets and the exotic meat.
The other day I served my daughter Bambi burgers.
Do you want the truth? Yeah.
Okay.
I'm still hurt over the Thanksgiving before I went to Africa.
when I wanted to celebrate it with you guys, and Jay called and cancelled because he said you were sick.
Well, that doesn't make any sense.
I could be in a hospital bed with tubes coming out of every orifice, but if someone else is cooking, I'm there.
Oh, really? Because I decided to drive Thanksgiving over to you.
But I drove right by when I saw you out on the front lawn, playing with the kids.
Perfectly healthy.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
That was the year Jay got the last-minute Lions tickets.
Jay decided to do that instead of spending Thanksgiving with you.
Or me.
Me and the kids got stuck eating turkey pizza, a topping which, by the way, doesn't exactly work.
I can't believe my little Jaybird lied to me.
Mavis, I know you love Jay, and you don't want to believe he'd lie to you.
I love Jay, too, but I know he'd lie to you.
So I blamed you for something he did? You've been mad at me for three years for no reason.
No, let's be fair, honey.
It's not like you're terribly fond of me.
Stop.
I adore you.
Why do you think I have your stuff all over my house to remind me of you? How long before I came over there did you put it out? About ten minutes.
I'm really glad we're clearing the air here.
This feels so good.
Mm.
So, what are we gonna about my nephew who pulled the wool over both our eyes? I think you and me, Mavis, we're gonna have ourselves a little confrontation with Jaybird.
But first, let's have some lunch.
Let's the, uh, Moroccan version of a Cosmopolitan.
What is that called? A Cosmopolitan.
Oh, perfect.
Then I can do the ordering.
Oh, great, here comes Jingles.
Guess I'll, uh Shoot, I only have a twenty.
I'm gonna go ahead and make some change here.
One, two, five, seven, yeah, eleven You know what? Keep the change.
eady to lay into our little Jaybird? Time to clip his wings.
That sounds mean.
I like it.
Well, hello there.
Hey, there's my two favorite ladies in the whole wide world.
Stuff it, Jay.
Mavis and I know everything, Jay.
Thanksgiving, three years ago.
Ring a bell? Ohhh, oh, boy.
"Oh, boy," yes, you lied to her.
You told her I was sick when I wasn't just to go to a stupid game? Look, Aunt Mavis, look, what happened was is, is, I lucked into the skybox seats at a Lions game.
Skybox seats.
I mean, only God has a better view.
So you lied to both of us? Uh-uh, uh-uh.
That's not gonna cut it, mister.
Tell him, Mavis.
Skybox seats? Yeah.
That's pretty good.
I'm so sorry, Aunt Mavis.
Look, the only reason I lied was, I didn't want to disappoint you.
Mm-hmm.
Will you forgive me? Of course I can forgive you, Jaybird.
Aw, thank you for understanding, Aunt Mavis.
What? What? No, no, there's no understanding.
There's no hug.
No, Mavis, we had a plan; we were gonna come in here, we were gonna confront him, we were gonna clip his wings! I know.
I know, I know! But look at that sweet little angel face.
Rita, you need to learn to let things go.
She really does.
Mm.
I should let things go? Well, isn't that the pot calling the tagine black? See, this is what I'm talking about.
Now, I have some herbs upstairs to calm your nerves.
There's only one herb that would calm my nerves, and you're sleeping on it, sister.
Oh, uh, that's that.
What, what? No.
No, no, no, that's not that.
That's not even close to that.
Jay, you threw me under the bus.
Look, I know.
I'm sorry.
Okay? But I was just trying to protect Aunt Mavis's feelings.
Protect Aunt Mavis's feelings? What about my feelings?! I'm bending over backwards to not put you in the middle.
It turns out, you are the middle.
And when it comes to your aunt, it's just, you always have to be the golden boy.
What is that about? You know that ring you got on your finger? Yeah.
You kind of have Aunt Mavis to thank for it.
I don't understand.
(sighs) Look, Reet, I never wanted you to know this, but, um Aunt Mavis gave me the money to pay for your engagement ring.
She did? Aunt Mavis was the only one who, you know, made me focus on the most important thing in my life: you.
She said, "Don't let that one get away.
" She said that? Yeah.
It's not like she just paid for that ring.
It's kind of like she's responsible for all of this.
And if I seem desperate to please her it's because I am.
Wow, now I feel really bad about all the snide comments I made about her over the years.
And the ones I made about you in the car ride home.
Are we good? How could I stay mad at this sweet little angel face? Mmm mwah! I'm gonna heat up my leftovers.
You're gonna love the ferakh maamer.
That's Moroccan chicken.
(sputtering) (sighs) So that is that.
(cracks knuckles) Here's some valerian root for Rita.
Was that the Turkish vase I gave you? Um Rita did it.
Hey, man, it was, it was an accident.
She feels terrible.
Um Ju-Just not say anything.
You're the best! Captioned by Media