Robot Chicken s01e16 Episode Script
Nightmare Generator
It's alive! Flip the switch! The governor just called! This man is innocent! - Aw.
- Boo.
All right, show of hands.
Flip it anyway? Wait, wait! What?! Kill him! Hold on! Whoo-hoo! TRL is awesome! I love Sway! TRL in Times Square on MTV is the best! Sway rules! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! Welcome back to TRL.
As I promised I present to you Usher! Oh, my gosh! I love Usher! Whoo-hoo! Usher's awesome! He doesn't wear a shirt Whoo-hoo! All right, guys, I'll see you later! Whoo-hoo! To Grand Central Station! Whoo-hoo! People call it Grand Central Station but it's really Grand Central Terminal! It's awesome! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! Keep the change! Foreign cabbies rock! The fare was $7 and I totally gave him 10, and that's awesome! 'Cause immigrants need money! Whoo-hoo! Metro North's Hudson River line rules! I saved $5 on a monthly pass.
And somebody smells! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! Mom's mashed potatoes are the greatest! There's some carrots and peas in there, too! Mom and Dad aren't fighting tonight, and that's awesome! I already finished my homework.
That rocks! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! I'm all tucked into bed and I said my nightly prayers, 'cause God is awesome! Whoo-hoo! And now I'm gonna drift off to sleep 'cause I'm dreaming I gotta whoo-hoo.
Gotta go to bed whoo-hoo.
Whoo.
Hoo.
More butter! More butter! More butter! Oh, yeah! Yeah! Give it, give it, give it! I gotta put it in my Oh, yeah, butter! Excuse me, but if your people built this wall to keep King Kong out well, then why build a door large enough for him to get through? For that matter, kong's a giant monkey.
I mean, why can't he just climb over the wall? The new fall TV season is starting and The Insider has the scoop on all the new series.
P.
S.
To the competition go [Bleep.]
yourselves.
This year's Amazing Race will be more amazing than ever now that religious deities are joining the action.
Oh, Jesus, please help us! Jesus! I'm here.
I've brought you a tire iron, my son.
Praise Jesus! Mr.
Christ, please help steer this camel.
Oh, Lord Jesus, we could really go for some cab fare.
Whoo-hoo! Buddha's the way to go, jackass! Buddha's all up in your grill! Tired of their liberal shenanigans, FOX owner Rupert Murdoch fired Simpsons creator Matt Groening and promises same show, brand new attitude this season.
Morning, Apu.
One order of freedom fries, please.
Oh, for the love of my heathen god.
They're called french fries, you fat, stupid American! Department of homeland security! Don't move! But Happy birthday, America! Mmm.
I hope Apu has learned his lesson.
I am so sorry I ever dared question the wisdom and strength of the United States of America.
Damn straight! Yee-haw! Uh-oh.
J-Lo's new beau is a no-go on the phone-o.
But take it from P.
O.
, her new line of Day-Glo Faygo will make fans say, "Ho-o-o!" And now we enter day three of our Kirsten Dunst headache watch.
Kiki's representatives insist the megastar is just fine but eyewitness accounts say otherwise.
I saw Kirsten Dunst in the duty-free store buying Tylenol a lot of it.
Even medical experts agree.
Well, a headache could be indicative of a failed movie deal.
Or possibly a pregnancy! Time now for celebrity birthdays.
Diff'rent Strokes star Conrad Bain is 82.
Adult film star Ron Jeremy is 69.
And comedy trailblazer Fatty Arbuckle is 118.
At least he would be if he wasn't [Bleep.]
worm food.
In your face, Fatty Arbuckle you fat, filthy, [Bleep.]
, [Bleep.]
, [Bleep.]
, [Bleep.]
fat [Bleep.]
[Bleep.]
! Finally tonight, the fans have been waiting for weeks to learn the winner of our Win Russell Crowe's Trash Contest.
The grand prize goes to Mrs.
Carmelita Caylo of Nyack, New York.
Oh, it's here! It's here! It's here! Oh, oh! It's Russell Crowe's underwear! Oh, hallelujah! Hey, hey, hey.
A little help? Ladies, can I interest you in some big balls? Aw, I'm so ugly and fat! That's what I've been trying to tell you.
So, who does what now? I'm gonna [Bleep.]
that pig.
Here I come, baby.
Today, my son, you will become a man.
You're gonna teach me how to kill, Papa? No, more important than that.
I'm going to teach you to poop on things.
I'm ready, Papa.
I had spicy sausage for breakfast.
Oh, excellent.
Now, who do you think will make your best target? On that man's head, Papa? No, son.
Now, that is too obvious.
Pick again.
In there, Papa? No, my son.
For he is a child, and children are innocent.
On the expensive sports car, Papa? No, no.
For it is white and our poop would not show up well on it.
Think harder, my son.
In there, Papa.
Yes, yes, my son! Excellent! Excellent! Now, let me see what you can do! OK.
Did I do good, Papa? Yes.
Yes, my son.
You made me very proud.
And come on! I mean, there can't just be one Kong.
There's got to be others.
La la la, I can't hear you! That's not another monkey climbing over the wall, la la! - Excuse me.
- Ass! One side.
Smurfing through.
Papa Smurf needs to see me right away.
- Official business.
- Douche.
Papa Smurf! Papa Smurf! I smurfed here as fast as I could.
Brainy, Baker Smurf has been murdered! But but but how?! I was right on the verge for a while but then seeing you do it made me Someone stuffed Baker with cream filling until he was ready to burst, then smurfed him at 350 degrees.
This could not be more horrible.
I stand corrected.
What's going on, Brainy? It is my solemn duty to inform you that Baker Smurf has been smurfed.
More importantly, Papa Smurf has placed me in charge of the investigation.
Papa Smurf is always right and Papa Smurf knows I'm the most educated Smurf, so it Mothersmurfer.
How do I never see that coming? You're the most likely suspect, Gargamel.
Preposterous! I want to turn Smurfs into gold, not kill them.
I thought you wanted to eat the Smurfs.
Actually, I've never been all that clear on my motivations.
At any rate, I just got back from Branson so my alibi is solid.
If Gargamel didn't do it, who did? Brainy, there's been another murder! [Bleep.]
smurfing [Bleep.]
! The comb is in his And and the lipstick is I can't look! Wait a minute.
Baker Smurf was a fat-assed pig in life.
And look how he died.
Vanity was a primping, preening pretty-boy.
Gluttony, vanity.
Lazy Smurf was horrifically mutilated in his Barcalounger.
Sloth.
Our killer is mimicking the seven deadly sins.
But what sins still remain? The sin of lust, for one.
Papa, Brainy Chronic Masturbator Smurf was just found with his wang chopped off and stuffed up his Smurf hole! But we still don't have any suspects.
Go get Smurfette.
Maybe a little massage will help us concentrate.
- Happy ending? - Happy ending.
Smurfette? Hello? Smurfette, are you here? Oh, Brainy! Hi, Brainy.
Oh, no, Jokey.
Your sick sense of humor your total disregard for Smurf safety your Se7en movie trading card collection.
You're the killer! I got you a present! What's in the box, Jokey? What's in the box? It's a surprise! No! Oh, Smurfette, no! Surprise! What the [Bleep.]
is wrong with you? Nice work, Brainy.
Now we just gotta find her body.
Just because you're a headless corpse doesn't mean we can't have some fun, Smurfette.
- Boo.
All right, show of hands.
Flip it anyway? Wait, wait! What?! Kill him! Hold on! Whoo-hoo! TRL is awesome! I love Sway! TRL in Times Square on MTV is the best! Sway rules! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! Welcome back to TRL.
As I promised I present to you Usher! Oh, my gosh! I love Usher! Whoo-hoo! Usher's awesome! He doesn't wear a shirt Whoo-hoo! All right, guys, I'll see you later! Whoo-hoo! To Grand Central Station! Whoo-hoo! People call it Grand Central Station but it's really Grand Central Terminal! It's awesome! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! Keep the change! Foreign cabbies rock! The fare was $7 and I totally gave him 10, and that's awesome! 'Cause immigrants need money! Whoo-hoo! Metro North's Hudson River line rules! I saved $5 on a monthly pass.
And somebody smells! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! Mom's mashed potatoes are the greatest! There's some carrots and peas in there, too! Mom and Dad aren't fighting tonight, and that's awesome! I already finished my homework.
That rocks! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! I'm all tucked into bed and I said my nightly prayers, 'cause God is awesome! Whoo-hoo! And now I'm gonna drift off to sleep 'cause I'm dreaming I gotta whoo-hoo.
Gotta go to bed whoo-hoo.
Whoo.
Hoo.
More butter! More butter! More butter! Oh, yeah! Yeah! Give it, give it, give it! I gotta put it in my Oh, yeah, butter! Excuse me, but if your people built this wall to keep King Kong out well, then why build a door large enough for him to get through? For that matter, kong's a giant monkey.
I mean, why can't he just climb over the wall? The new fall TV season is starting and The Insider has the scoop on all the new series.
P.
S.
To the competition go [Bleep.]
yourselves.
This year's Amazing Race will be more amazing than ever now that religious deities are joining the action.
Oh, Jesus, please help us! Jesus! I'm here.
I've brought you a tire iron, my son.
Praise Jesus! Mr.
Christ, please help steer this camel.
Oh, Lord Jesus, we could really go for some cab fare.
Whoo-hoo! Buddha's the way to go, jackass! Buddha's all up in your grill! Tired of their liberal shenanigans, FOX owner Rupert Murdoch fired Simpsons creator Matt Groening and promises same show, brand new attitude this season.
Morning, Apu.
One order of freedom fries, please.
Oh, for the love of my heathen god.
They're called french fries, you fat, stupid American! Department of homeland security! Don't move! But Happy birthday, America! Mmm.
I hope Apu has learned his lesson.
I am so sorry I ever dared question the wisdom and strength of the United States of America.
Damn straight! Yee-haw! Uh-oh.
J-Lo's new beau is a no-go on the phone-o.
But take it from P.
O.
, her new line of Day-Glo Faygo will make fans say, "Ho-o-o!" And now we enter day three of our Kirsten Dunst headache watch.
Kiki's representatives insist the megastar is just fine but eyewitness accounts say otherwise.
I saw Kirsten Dunst in the duty-free store buying Tylenol a lot of it.
Even medical experts agree.
Well, a headache could be indicative of a failed movie deal.
Or possibly a pregnancy! Time now for celebrity birthdays.
Diff'rent Strokes star Conrad Bain is 82.
Adult film star Ron Jeremy is 69.
And comedy trailblazer Fatty Arbuckle is 118.
At least he would be if he wasn't [Bleep.]
worm food.
In your face, Fatty Arbuckle you fat, filthy, [Bleep.]
, [Bleep.]
, [Bleep.]
, [Bleep.]
fat [Bleep.]
[Bleep.]
! Finally tonight, the fans have been waiting for weeks to learn the winner of our Win Russell Crowe's Trash Contest.
The grand prize goes to Mrs.
Carmelita Caylo of Nyack, New York.
Oh, it's here! It's here! It's here! Oh, oh! It's Russell Crowe's underwear! Oh, hallelujah! Hey, hey, hey.
A little help? Ladies, can I interest you in some big balls? Aw, I'm so ugly and fat! That's what I've been trying to tell you.
So, who does what now? I'm gonna [Bleep.]
that pig.
Here I come, baby.
Today, my son, you will become a man.
You're gonna teach me how to kill, Papa? No, more important than that.
I'm going to teach you to poop on things.
I'm ready, Papa.
I had spicy sausage for breakfast.
Oh, excellent.
Now, who do you think will make your best target? On that man's head, Papa? No, son.
Now, that is too obvious.
Pick again.
In there, Papa? No, my son.
For he is a child, and children are innocent.
On the expensive sports car, Papa? No, no.
For it is white and our poop would not show up well on it.
Think harder, my son.
In there, Papa.
Yes, yes, my son! Excellent! Excellent! Now, let me see what you can do! OK.
Did I do good, Papa? Yes.
Yes, my son.
You made me very proud.
And come on! I mean, there can't just be one Kong.
There's got to be others.
La la la, I can't hear you! That's not another monkey climbing over the wall, la la! - Excuse me.
- Ass! One side.
Smurfing through.
Papa Smurf needs to see me right away.
- Official business.
- Douche.
Papa Smurf! Papa Smurf! I smurfed here as fast as I could.
Brainy, Baker Smurf has been murdered! But but but how?! I was right on the verge for a while but then seeing you do it made me Someone stuffed Baker with cream filling until he was ready to burst, then smurfed him at 350 degrees.
This could not be more horrible.
I stand corrected.
What's going on, Brainy? It is my solemn duty to inform you that Baker Smurf has been smurfed.
More importantly, Papa Smurf has placed me in charge of the investigation.
Papa Smurf is always right and Papa Smurf knows I'm the most educated Smurf, so it Mothersmurfer.
How do I never see that coming? You're the most likely suspect, Gargamel.
Preposterous! I want to turn Smurfs into gold, not kill them.
I thought you wanted to eat the Smurfs.
Actually, I've never been all that clear on my motivations.
At any rate, I just got back from Branson so my alibi is solid.
If Gargamel didn't do it, who did? Brainy, there's been another murder! [Bleep.]
smurfing [Bleep.]
! The comb is in his And and the lipstick is I can't look! Wait a minute.
Baker Smurf was a fat-assed pig in life.
And look how he died.
Vanity was a primping, preening pretty-boy.
Gluttony, vanity.
Lazy Smurf was horrifically mutilated in his Barcalounger.
Sloth.
Our killer is mimicking the seven deadly sins.
But what sins still remain? The sin of lust, for one.
Papa, Brainy Chronic Masturbator Smurf was just found with his wang chopped off and stuffed up his Smurf hole! But we still don't have any suspects.
Go get Smurfette.
Maybe a little massage will help us concentrate.
- Happy ending? - Happy ending.
Smurfette? Hello? Smurfette, are you here? Oh, Brainy! Hi, Brainy.
Oh, no, Jokey.
Your sick sense of humor your total disregard for Smurf safety your Se7en movie trading card collection.
You're the killer! I got you a present! What's in the box, Jokey? What's in the box? It's a surprise! No! Oh, Smurfette, no! Surprise! What the [Bleep.]
is wrong with you? Nice work, Brainy.
Now we just gotta find her body.
Just because you're a headless corpse doesn't mean we can't have some fun, Smurfette.