Scarecrow and Mrs. King (1983) s01e16 Episode Script
Savior
BALLON: So with the increasing violence on your streets the possible collapse of governments and regimes uppermost in your mind understandably, you're obviously interested in the effective countermeasures.
That's why you're here.
And that's why I'm here.
That's exactly the service I provide.
More bang per buck.
Now, the weapon we're offering today the still-classified weapon, is a very, very exciting weapon.
It's called Viper.
Mr.
Watkins, would you turn off the monitor, please? Major, if you would.
Gentlemen, may I present to you the newest addition to our catalog our Viper.
[CHATTERING.]
Now, we're offering a full range of new and effective ordinance today.
Handguns, rifles the super-secret M603 machine gun grenades, napalm, mortars.
[CHUCKLES.]
What more can I say? And they're all currently available from Ballon and Associates.
Mr.
Watkins will be happy to assist you.
You'll notice in our sales brochure that our prices are quoted in dollars, pounds, deutsche marks, cruzeiros francs, dinars, pesos.
It's all right here.
Gentlemen, please.
Please feel free to inspect them closer.
[CHATTERING.]
Very impressive, as usual, Mr.
Ballon.
But do we have any new information on the, uh, Savior? The Savior.
No, general, not much, except that it's still the most advanced weapon in the world, and it's still unavailable.
- Impossible to obtain? - Oh, yeah, it's impossible.
I have always found that anything is possible.
With the proper incentive, that is.
[CHUCKLES.]
The proper incentive.
Well, try me, general.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
[BUZZES.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
Good morning, Mrs.
Marston.
Beautiful day, isn't it? - Mrs.
King.
- Oh.
- It's the code-word thing.
- Yes.
Um, Rosemary? It's not Rosemary? Sounds like Rosemary.
Mrs.
Marston, could you give me a little hint? No, of course, you couldn't.
Rosebud.
Rosebud.
Rosebud, of course.
- Have a nice day, Mrs.
King.
- Yes, Mrs.
Marston.
[AMANDA SIGHS.]
And you have a nice day too, Mrs.
Marston.
- Good morning, Amanda.
- Uh, good morning, sir.
Sir, uh, there's somebody doing something to Lee's desk.
Oh, looks like Fred's got a plant on his new desk.
- Oh, it's a philodendron too.
- His desk? - Right, Fred.
It's his new desk.
Lee left.
- Lee left? Left.
For good.
No, wait.
I don't understand that.
Lee Stetson is the best agent there is.
He would never leave.
- Lee took another job, Amanda.
- Another job? I'll get back to you on the Chinagate project.
Amanda, I guess we won't be seeing too much of you anymore.
- Take care, okay? AMANDA: Yeah.
- Uh, sir? - I'm sorry, I'm really under the gun today.
Oh, sir, I'm sorry, but I just really have to ask you if what Francine said is true.
Is Lee gone? He's gone, and we haven't made any long-range plans.
I have your phone number.
I'll call you if something comes up.
Yes, sir.
Oh, sir.
Uh, uh I made this for all of you.
For you, and Francine and Lee.
Uh, it's apple pie.
It won second prize at the Scout Jamboree.
- That's very thoughtful.
- Thank you.
Uh, we'll be talking, ahem - Amanda King, right? - Mm-hm.
Fred Fielder.
Taking over for Stetson.
Uh-huh, I see.
They didn't tell you, did they? They said he left.
Well, that's kinder than saying "sold out," I suppose.
[SCOFFS.]
- Sold out? - Went over, sold out, defected, pick one.
Oh, no, I won't pick one.
No.
Lee Stetson is a wonderful agent.
He's honest and patriotic.
Oh, patriotic? That's why he dumped the agency to work for a sleaze-o like Ed Ballon.
- Who's Ed Ballon? - One of our senior field agents.
Till Billy bounced him.
He was using agency contacts to sell classified arms to the Cubans rockets to Kaddafi, whoever.
Now he's got Stetson peddling his arms for him.
No.
No, I'm sorry.
I don't believe that.
No, sir.
- Not for a minute.
I just don't believe that.
- You kidding? He couldn't wait.
He blew off the agency as soon as Ballon got to him.
Showed him the good life.
Big money, expense account, tailor-made suits, things like that.
- Stetson bought the whole line.
- Oh, no.
No.
Lee might have left, but he's certainly not selling rockets.
- Ask him.
- I will.
I wouldn't look for him at his old apartment.
You can find your patriot roughing it at the Watergate West.
You're going to be very embarrassed when you find out the truth, Mr.
Meadows.
- Fielder.
- Whatever.
And I'm very sorry there won't be enough apple pie to go around.
Nice going, Fred.
Did a real hatchet job on her.
Sometimes the truth hurts, Francine.
Yeah.
Doesn't it, though? LEE: Uh, not quite so much break, George.
Yeah, that's great.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
Come in.
Try to have those shirts by next week, okay? - Hi.
- Hello.
I, uh, guess you've been to the office? Yes, I've been to the office.
I talked to Mr.
Melrose, and Francine and Fred Fielder and, uh Well, I thought I should talk to you.
Well, Amanda, I'm kind of tied up right now.
AMANDA: Yes, I can see - No problem.
- We can finish tomorrow if you like.
- Okay.
- Uh, Amanda, could you turn around? - Oh.
Sure.
- Yes.
LEE: Thank you.
AMANDA: Lee, I don't think you realize the really awful things that people are saying about you.
Yeah.
If you're including Fred Fielder under "people," I can guess.
Yeah, all right.
AMANDA: Turn around yet? - Okay.
Same time tomorrow, huh, George? There you go.
Thank you.
Well, how do you like it? It's very nice.
You gave that man a $50 bill.
- He's a nice man.
- So are you.
And l I don't believe the awful things that I've heard [PHONE RINGING.]
but I wanna hear from you - Excuse me.
Hello? Oh, hello, Colonel Morales, yes.
Uh, which rocket launcher was that? The S-1 or the S-2? Right.
Right.
Well, you see, there's gonna be a, uh, kind of a small problem there.
The factory's running about six weeks behind on its orders.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
Uh, excuse me, colonel.
Amanda, could you get the door? Yeah, I'm back.
No, no, no, sir.
Believe me, you are number one on the list.
You can depend on it.
All right.
I'll get back to you.
Goodbye.
There's a man here to see you and I think I'd better be going because I keep telling myself and telling myself that what I'm seeing isn't what I'm seeing.
And I think I better leave before I don't listen to myself anymore, and l You understand.
Bye.
DOTTY: All I'm saying is that you walked out of the house this morning with a wonderful apple pie in your hand, spring in your step and then you arrived here this afternoon, dragging in with your chin on the linoleum.
And I'm just concerned.
- Thank you.
- Oh, good heavens, Amanda.
You don't have to thank me.
I mean, when you hurt, I hurt.
I'll tell you what.
Why don't we go to a movie? I'll call Miss Simms and she can come over and sit with Jamie and Philip and we'll see something with a [CHUCKLES.]
Well, with an R rating for a change.
Mother.
- Yes.
- One of my friends quit his job today.
- Well, I hope he had another job.
- Mm.
You should never quit your job unless you have another job lined up.
- He had another job lined up, all right.
- That's good.
I mean, when your father quit Mr.
McGiver we had macaroni for eight straight weeks.
- Well, you were too young to remember.
- I think he made a terrible mistake.
When he quit Mr.
McGiver, he got a much better job.
- I feel that it would have been - I don't mean Daddy.
I'm talking about my friend.
I think my friend made a mistake.
He's really good at his job and he really loved it and maybe he needed a change but I don't think this was the right kind of change, that's all.
- He's an adult, this friend of yours? - Yes, Mother.
[CHUCKLES.]
Then you have to trust that knows what he's doing.
Amanda, I should have had this pot roast done 20 minutes ago.
A best friend is a friend that doesn't meddle.
That's what they say.
Of course, I was never very good at not meddling myself.
I always felt, um, well, an obligation.
You know, obligation to help.
Obligation? If the friend is important and you really care about your friendship.
- I do.
- This new job that he has do you feel that it is, uh, beneath his talents? Oh, yeah, you bet I do.
Then, Amanda, he probably doesn't realize he has options.
- Options? - Options, Amanda, options.
Options.
He has options.
- Thank you, Mother.
- That's right.
Options.
Let me tell you.
The classifieds are full of o [SIGHS.]
Why does she do that? LEE: I am not interested in options, and definitely not import-export, okay? Okay, all right, look, no import-export, but we've also got investment banking.
- Amanda.
- You'd be wonderful at that.
- Travel, expense account - Amanda.
Forget it.
Now, how about, uh, marketing? Marketing would be Or insurance.
Oh, Lee, there is absolutely the best ad for insur Machine guns.
Lee, that says machine guns.
Hey, hey, hey.
It is not polite to read other people's That's upside down.
You read that upside down.
- When did you learn how to do that? - I've been practicing.
Forget it.
Uh, no.
Forget it.
- Now, I do not want to peddle insurance.
- No, I will not forget it.
I mean, I think it's a heck of a lot better than selling rockets to unsavory people.
I mean, if you ask my opinion.
That's exactly what I do not need right now.
So go on home, run a couple loads through the spin-dry and Well, I'm expecting someone.
No, I won't do that, because we're friends.
We're business associates.
Former business associates.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
Now, look, Amanda, I want you out of here.
When he comes in, you go out.
- You got that? - Yes.
All right.
BALLON: Lee, how are you? - Edson, come on in.
Thank you.
Uh, Mrs.
King was just leaving.
Mrs.
King.
Amanda King? Well, it's a pleasure to meet you finally.
- Do we, uh? Do we know? - No, no, but I certainly know of you.
- You and Lee have worked together.
- Amanda, this is Edson Ballon.
How do you know about me? Oh, uh One hears things, you know? Uh, Mrs.
King, thanks for coming by and, uh, say goodbye to Mr.
Ballon.
We'll be talking to you.
- Goodbye, Mr.
Ballon.
BALLON: Bye.
There are plenty of marvelous opportunities.
- And you have options.
You have options.
LEE: I know.
Right.
I will do.
Thank you.
Thank you.
[SIGHS.]
I'm sorry about that.
Don't be.
I was very, very glad to meet her.
Ah, well, she's a civilian, use her on the milk runs.
You know, easy stuff.
Yeah.
Well, she seems very loyal to you, very Seems very dedicated to you.
Yeah.
Uh, major, why don't you wait for me in the car? Mr.
Stetson's a friend.
Does he wear his shades to bed too? [CHUCKLES.]
BALLON: Well, there's an interesting story about the major.
He, uh, caught a phosphorous grenade in the face.
Cuba.
The Bay of Pigs thing.
Lost his voice in Rhodesia.
One of the Wappis dropped a wire noose around his throat and tried to strangle him.
Didn't take.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Anyway, Lee, I think you and I are gonna understand each other real well.
And I think you're gonna be very, very successful in securing Savior for us.
Savior? - Heh, you don't really - Oh, yes.
I do.
We haven't even given that to the NATO countries yet.
It's under wraps at Landover, the weapons-testing lab.
That's right.
And that's why this is perfect for you.
You set up their security system down there.
You know all their personnel.
[CHUCKLES.]
Landover.
And Savior.
And your cut of this is a million-six.
LEE: Phew.
That's a pretty fair first commission.
[BALLON CHUCKLES.]
Look, if If we can break it loose, there's no way we're gonna get it out of the country.
Lee, that's my end of it.
- Your end is just to get it out of the gate.
- Oh, that's all.
That's all.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Mrs.
King.
I apologize for not calling first but I have some very good news for you.
- Good news, uh, Mr.
, um - Ballon.
Just call me Edson.
Uh, yes, Mr.
Ballon, I'm sorry, I'm very busy, I'm cleaning.
And my mother and my two boys will be home any moment.
And if you are here when they get here, I'd have a lot of explaining to do.
But they won't be back, Mrs.
King.
They're at baseball practice.
Listen, Mrs.
King, I know that you don't necessarily approve of me.
But I also know that you're a fair person, and I hope that you'll do me the favor of listening, especially since I really do have some very good news for you.
- Can I come in? - For a moment.
- Thank you very much.
- Hmm.
I appreciate it, Mrs.
King.
Now, tell me something.
Have you ever heard of the Arms Control Export Agreement? Arms Control Export No.
Mrs.
King, a beautiful home you have here.
Really, it's quite, quite lovely.
I think it's, uh It's very warm.
Anyway, back to the, uh, Arms Control Export Agreement, Mrs.
King, if I may Oh-ho, look at this.
Scott Fitzgerald, Jack Kerouac, Jack London.
Boy, you've got some of my favorite books here.
Ah, yes, the agreement.
Well, what it does is it limits us from providing arms to certain countries.
Even those countries who believe in democracy as we do, you and I.
So that forces us to cook up little strategies to help these people.
- Are you with me so far? - I guess so.
Good.
Now, Mrs.
King, this is how it works.
You see, certain members of the agency are given the responsibility of getting certain material to some of these friendly people.
- Excuse me, but if they're friendly - Oh, wait, wait, hold on.
Just let me finish, all right? Thank you.
We have to put some of our personal considerations and some friendships behind us temporarily.
- Now, do you understand what I'm saying? - I hope so.
And why do we do this? Because Blue Leader expects it of us.
Blue Leader.
- You know Blue Leader? - Mrs.
King, I work for him.
So does Lee.
Lee hasn't left the agency.
He just has to make it appear as if he has, that's all.
[CHUCKLES.]
That's good news, right? Well, that's not good news, that's great news.
Please, Amanda, sit down.
Sit down.
Blue Leader, myself, Lee, and now you are the only people who know about this.
This is a matter of extreme secrecy, Mrs.
King.
Even Billy hasn't been told.
- Mr.
Melrose doesn't know? - No.
We all know what a terrific contribution you have made to the success of Scarecrow.
- You do? - Did Lee say that? - He sees it a little different.
Oh, I know, I know.
He thinks he doesn't need me.
And this is not some ordinary operation.
We're talking national defense here.
Now, personalities cannot be allowed to get in the way.
We need you.
Your country needs you.
I'm here to find out if we can count on you.
Of course.
For my country and - Anyway, I'll be in touch.
- Uh, yes, sir.
But remember.
- One thing.
Not a word to anybody.
- Not a word to anybody.
Goodbye, Mrs.
King.
I'm on the team.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
MAN [ON RADIO.]
: I hope you enjoyed that side BLUE LEADER [O VER RADIO.]
: Lancer, this is Blue Leader.
BILLY: Go ahead, Blue Leader.
BLUE LEADER: How are we doing on the Ballon business? BILLY: We've bugged every room in Scarecrow's new apartment.
He and Ballon are in regular contact.
From what we've been able to pick up there's a major arms deal in a couple of days.
BLUE LEADER: This one better not go through.
Ballon's slipped by before.
- It can't happen again.
Understood? - Understood, sir.
BLUE LEADER: Ballon's agency training has served him well.
- He knows how to anticipate us.
- We'll nail him, sir.
BLUE LEADER: Well, picking up Scarecrow and the buyers isn't enough.
It's essential to catch Edson Ballon with the actual goods and some item of classified hardware in his possession.
Now, that's what we have to neutralize.
Scarecrow's got himself into a dangerous game.
Ballon's last associate was identified with a few teeth and a belt buckle.
BILLY: A few teeth and a belt buckle.
MAN [ON RADIO.]
: Just call Crazy Larry and I'd be glad to ignore you.
BALLON: Now, this is a little show-and-tell I use for the clients.
It's, uh It's a terrific sales tool.
This is called the cluster bomb.
- You see? LEE: Yeah.
Very impressive.
It's also passé.
BALLON: Lee, I stay in business because I offer my clients the newest and the latest.
And that's the Savior.
I'm not gonna settle for anything less than that, and neither will General Marquino.
- Yeah, but this is a tough one, Edson.
BALLON: Well, that's why you're aboard.
I've been working on my contacts over at Landover.
Savior is Colonel Arvilla's baby.
We have a good relationship.
I've been laying down groundwork with him.
Good, because along with everything else, we've got a time problem.
I know that.
But you're not talking about a conventional weapon here, Edson.
If it was anything but Savior, I could have delivered yesterday.
So could half a dozen other guys.
This is the one I need you on, Lee.
I want to tell you something.
We got a good team here.
We got a damn good team.
I think, uh I think I managed to make it just a little bit better today.
Oh, how so? We got a new recruit.
- Your friend, Mrs.
King.
- Amanda? I knew you'd like that.
Because I I know that, uh, you two have worked together very well.
Now, look, that was We just worked together on a few things, strictly minor-league stuff.
- She is a civilian.
- Well, don't be such an elitist.
- Civilians have uses.
- Yeah, but not in a deal like this.
It's strictly a solo operation, and you know it.
Not anymore, it isn't.
Amanda King is in on this, Lee.
All the way.
She can win big with us.
Or she could lose big.
But that's up to you.
LEE: Hey.
Anybody tagging you? Billy, how long have I been doing this, huh? You took a hell of a chance calling me.
Something like this could monkey wrench the whole deal.
Did you put sugar in this? - I always take sugar.
- I never take sugar.
- We've got to pull the plug anyway.
- You're kidding me.
What for? [SIGHS.]
- Ballon's put Amanda into the deal.
- Amanda? Our Amanda? Your Amanda.
Check.
- To do what? What's her job? - He wouldn't say.
But I got a pretty good idea.
See, he doesn't trust me all the way yet.
I think he figures if he can keep a string on Amanda, I'll have to stay in line.
- I won't dare double-cross him.
- Tell her to back off.
Are you serious? Ha, ha.
You know I can't talk to her, Billy.
Remember, you've got my apartment bugged, Ballon's got it bugged.
Besides, he's got the major practically planted in my back pocket.
I gotta get to Blue Leader.
This is terrible.
Well, tell him it's too dangerous.
BLUE LEADER [O VER RADIO.]
: That's not acceptable, Scarecrow.
The mission has been too carefully planned to cancel now.
Uh, sir, um, Amanda King is a civilian.
A civilian with two children, a mother, and a mortgage.
BLUE LEADER: Quite correct.
And so she must be protected.
Not told, protected.
Understand? Scarecrow, the message you left at the drop indicated that Ballon's target was Savior.
- Right.
BLUE LEADER: You've been to Landover.
You know some of the technical staff, correct? Some of them, yes.
BLUE LEADER: Play it exactly as you would if you were requisitioning any other piece of ordinance.
Everything is arranged.
The important thing is we don't have a thing on Ballon unless we can place him with the bomb.
It has to be virtually in his hands, in his possession.
Is that understood? BOTH [IN UNISON.]
: Yes, sir.
BLUE LEADER: Blue Leader, clear.
[LEE SIGHS.]
Well, I guess it's still on.
Looks like it.
Anything else I should know before we get underway? Yeah, one thing.
I hate sugar.
JAMIE: But it's got all the heavy stuff.
- It's got the milk, and the bleach and the - Knock it off.
I didn't whine when I got your potatoes and your oranges, did I? - I'm not whining.
- You are too.
- Boys, stop bickering.
I will carry them in - Mother, please.
If the box boy can lift it, Philip can manage.
- See, Philip? - Jamie can go upstairs and do his homework.
- Never mind.
I've got it.
Get out, go on.
You will have time to eat and change and be at school by 7, won't you? - School? - Play, honey.
Philip's play? Oh.
He's gonna be Jack and the Beanstalk.
Amanda your mind seems to be so scattered lately.
Is there something on your mind? No, Mother.
Nothing's on my mind.
I'll be back in plenty of time.
Oh, all right, don't ask.
I tell myself, "Don't ask.
" - "It's Amanda's business," I tell myself.
- Thank you.
- Unless you'd like to tell me.
- Mother.
Fine.
Fine.
It's all right.
I, uh I would be back at 5:30, though.
I'm sorry to leave you with all this stuff.
It's all right.
You just You just go along.
Hmm.
[AMANDA SIGHS.]
LEE: Ralph Arvilla is kind of a new entry.
- I'm surprised you two haven't met.
- I don't know, it's, uh It's possible.
- What outfit were you in, major? - Uh, the major has kind of a throat injury.
- Combat, you know? RALPH: Oh, gee, that's too bad, I'm sorry.
- Uh, well, there she is, Lee.
Savior.
- Yeah.
And how do we get her loaded? - Loaded for what? - For the show-and-tell for the NATO people.
[CHUCKLES.]
The major and I are errand boys.
They told me the NATO thing was next week.
Somebody on Deardorf's staff was arranging for the move.
What can I tell you, Ralph? It's this week and us.
You don't mean, uh, Choirboy or one of the others? Nope.
Savior, definitely.
I wish they'd tell me when they change up on me.
Well, that's life, colonel.
So how about lending me a couple techs to help us load this onto the pickup truck, huh? Pickup truck? You're gonna take Savior out of here in a pickup truck? You'd like me to have a 40-truck convoy so everybody within 80 miles would know it was coming out? - Well, it'll have to be crated.
- So crate it.
Okay.
You men, go to supply, get some material, and put a crate around this thing.
You're gonna have to sign for this.
In my office.
Oh, uh, major? Don't touch, okay? Under that nosecap is a very sensitive arming button.
You trigger that, and, uh, it wouldn't take too much to airmail you guys and your pickup truck to Mars.
Remember that.
Hey.
Why the dog-and-pony show? We have to make him think it's the real goods, right? If we tip him there's no detonator, somebody's liable to hand you your head.
We wouldn't want that, would we? [SIGHS.]
BALLON: You made it.
- Yeah.
- Good man, good man.
- Sure.
- Now it's your baby, Edson.
- No, listen.
Uh, this is part of the plan now.
I want you to take it.
I want you to deliver it to Dulles Airport, gate number two.
- The major and I will be along shortly.
- All right.
- Got it? We'll see you there.
- Yeah.
- Now, listen.
Drive carefully.
- Yeah, believe it.
Scarecrow to Lancer.
This is Lancer.
What have you got? I've got your merchandise and the destination.
- It's going down at Dulles.
- You're covered, that's a router.
It's going down at Dulles.
Scramble, scramble.
It's Dulles.
LEE: Lancer, we might have a problem here.
Lancer, come in, are you reading? [TRUCK HORN HONKING.]
Something's going wrong in that tunnel.
Check it out.
[BEEPING.]
[LEE GRUNTS.]
Amanda, don't hit the brakes.
Don't hit the brakes.
[LEE SCREAMS.]
- Are you all right? LEE: Yeah.
[LEE GRUNTS.]
- Come here.
- Amanda.
What did I tell you, huh? What did I tell you? - I told you not to stop so fast.
- You frightened me.
[SIGHS.]
- Were you the thud that I heard? - Yeah, yeah.
Now, look.
I gotta talk to you.
I tell you what, why don't we talk in the car and we'll be able to stay right on schedule.
Just forget the schedule, huh? And you forget anything that Ballon ever told you.
Don't know what he said to you, but he is not working for the agency.
I am.
- You are, but he isn't.
- That's right.
[SIGHS.]
Then why am I hauling this trailer around? Let me ask you this.
Who is the least obvious person in the whole world to be hauling a secret weapon, huh? A suburban mother in a station wagon hauling a trailer, right? Now, where are you supposed to be meeting him? He lied to me and I believed him.
- I am really foolish.
- Hold it, hold it.
You believed in me.
Huh? You did what you did because you trusted me.
Now, I don't know anybody who would go that far out on a limb for a friend.
Amanda, you are not foolish, you're very far from it.
Friend? We're friends? Well, I, uh I exaggerated a little.
Where are you supposed to be hauling this bomb? - Bomb? - Oh.
- What bomb? - No, hold on.
It's not a real bomb.
I mean, it looks like a real bomb.
No, it's not a I mean, he thinks it is a real bomb, but it isn't, all right? It's just It's just to trap him with.
We have to catch him red-handed with classified material to put him away.
- He's a bad person.
He's unsavory.
Right, right, he is unsavory.
So where are you going to meet him, huh? Uh, I'm supposed to go, uh, down this road, I go two or three miles I turn right, I go seven-tenths of a mile, I stop at the helicopter.
- Helicopter? - Uh-huh.
- Helicopter? - Helicopter.
[GRO ANS.]
I'm gonna borrow your car to make this delivery.
- No, no, no.
That won't work.
- What? He'll see that it's you and not me driving.
He'll get in helicopter and he'll fly away.
It'll mess everything up.
You're right.
You're right, you're right.
It'll blow it.
[GRUNTS.]
- We've had it.
- Not if I keep driving.
No.
No way.
You don't know what's waiting at the end of that road.
- Now, it is too dangerous.
- Lee.
- Amanda, I'm telling you - I feel responsible.
I got you into this, and I'm gonna get you out of it.
And besides that, he doesn't even know that you've talked to me.
You know what will be waiting down there, huh? Ballon and a bunch of guys with guns, and I'm So I don't have a gun.
What kind of a threat am I? Besides that, it's not a real bomb.
All right.
We won't have any backup.
It'll be just the two of us.
I have you.
You'll figure something out.
Do you know how to use one of these? - Don't you have something a little simpler? - It's simple.
Believe me.
You just get in the car and drive.
I will explain.
[LEE SIGHS.]
AMANDA: My purse.
- Get the purse out of the way.
[BEEPING.]
BALLON: There's no need to worry, general.
She's still within her time.
[CAR HORN HONKS.]
In fact, here she is.
Hello, sir.
- I'm not late, am I? - Nope, Mrs.
King, you're exactly on time.
Good.
Yes.
Yes.
Into the helicopter, quickly.
- [WHISPERS.]
Not yet.
- [WHISPERS.]
Okay, okay, okay.
Uh, maybe Maybe after we complete our arrangement - Your fee? - Exactly.
Certainly.
Rafael.
The suitcases, pronto.
BALLON: Major, please.
Well, Benito, I don't think there's anything else to discuss.
- Until next time.
- [IN NORMAL VOICE.]
Not exactly, Ballon.
- Now, let's just lock it off right here, folks.
BALLON: Don't be stupid, Stetson.
We've got automatic weapons.
You have no backup.
You remember the Wrangler Operation? The one-man bust with a full agency backup.
[LEE SCOFFS.]
You think I'd be dumb enough to walk in with a homemaker from Arlington? [IN NORMAL VOICE.]
He would never do that.
- We've got tanks - Plenty of tanks, big tanks.
- And air support.
- Plenty of air support.
Give it up, Lee.
Your support is all at Dulles and we know it.
- Major, get that camera.
- Major, uh-uh, major.
I wouldn't do that.
Come on, Amanda.
Now, if I go everybody's gonna go.
Whoa, whoa, hey, hey.
Lee, take it easy, man.
Just take it easy, man.
Hold it.
Lee.
Easy.
[BEEPING.]
LEE: Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, it's triggered.
Something's activated the timer.
Go on, stay back, go on.
[BALLON CHUCKLES.]
Hey, come on, that's an old gag, Lee.
- You think I'm gonna fall for that? - Listen to it.
[BEEPING.]
BALLON: Out.
Out.
Get out.
Keep going.
BENITO: What about the helicopter? [ALL SCREAMNG.]
MAN: Let's run! Get out of here! [POLICE SIRENS WAILING.]
[ALL YELLING.]
[LAUGHS.]
Wonderful.
That was wonderful.
MAN: Go! Let's run! - That was wonderful.
I knew you would - Amanda, stay back.
I told you to stay back.
Now, go on.
- What are you talking about? - I'm serious.
- It's gonna blow.
- Say what? I said it's gonna blow.
[BEEPING.]
A damn pin is busted loose somewhere.
- You need a pin? - Yes, I need a pin.
I got a pin in my purse.
- Well, hurry up, will you? - Yeah.
I'm hurrying.
[AMANDA SIGHS.]
Now, Lee, calm down.
All right, now, Lee, calm down.
Easy.
Amanda, hurry up.
Come on, a pin, any kind of a pin.
- I can't find the pin.
LEE: Oh, come on.
Come on, come on.
- Easy.
Amanda, hurry up, will you? - I'm hurrying.
I got the pin.
I got a pin.
- There's a pin on the back of this badge.
- What? A badge? - Let me see.
- Oh, no.
That won't work.
- It'll work.
- It had better.
[BEEPING FASTER.]
[BEEPING STOPS.]
There.
[CHUCKLES.]
[LEE SIGHS.]
[AMANDA CHUCKLES.]
[SIGHS.]
- That wasn't so hard.
- Yeah.
Oh.
Whew! - I wonder why everybody ran away like this.
- I don't know.
Something we said, you think? [LAUGHS.]
AMANDA: You mean I took these pictures with that little bitty camera? LEE: That's right, you took them.
- Ah.
BILLY: Well, that's gonna put Edson Ballon and the major in the federal pokey for a long, long time.
[FRANCINE CHUCKLES.]
AMANDA: Well, I just can't believe it.
The pictures that I usually take When I walk into the photo store the lady just looks at me and points at me and laughs.
[BILLY CHUCKLES.]
She's gonna be proud of you now, Amanda.
Oh, listen, Lee.
Uh, I'm sorry about the sort of undignified retreat the fellows pulled out in that field.
No, a little healthy cowardice.
You'd have to understand who's involved in order to appreciate it.
You see, we finally got a fix on your location when we picked up a report on state police radio about some clown on top of a lady's station wagon on Kensington Road.
Clown? Well, that's their description, not mine.
Anyway, since a station wagon did come out of that tunnel - You put two and two together.
- And phoned Fred.
- Fred.
- Fred Fielder.
The Fred we all know and love.
FRANCINE: Maybe you'll get lucky, Lee, and he'll leave the philodendron.
Ooh.
Anyway, Fred got the call, found the field, and scooped up Ballon and the others.
Unfortunately, somebody mentioned that the bomb was live and Fred just I think the word you're looking for, Billy, is "panicked.
" Poor Fred.
BILLY: Yeah.
Poor Fred.
What about you, Amanda? When did you actually find out about the bomb? Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
Just before it didn't go off.
[CHUCKLES.]
That's why you're here.
And that's why I'm here.
That's exactly the service I provide.
More bang per buck.
Now, the weapon we're offering today the still-classified weapon, is a very, very exciting weapon.
It's called Viper.
Mr.
Watkins, would you turn off the monitor, please? Major, if you would.
Gentlemen, may I present to you the newest addition to our catalog our Viper.
[CHATTERING.]
Now, we're offering a full range of new and effective ordinance today.
Handguns, rifles the super-secret M603 machine gun grenades, napalm, mortars.
[CHUCKLES.]
What more can I say? And they're all currently available from Ballon and Associates.
Mr.
Watkins will be happy to assist you.
You'll notice in our sales brochure that our prices are quoted in dollars, pounds, deutsche marks, cruzeiros francs, dinars, pesos.
It's all right here.
Gentlemen, please.
Please feel free to inspect them closer.
[CHATTERING.]
Very impressive, as usual, Mr.
Ballon.
But do we have any new information on the, uh, Savior? The Savior.
No, general, not much, except that it's still the most advanced weapon in the world, and it's still unavailable.
- Impossible to obtain? - Oh, yeah, it's impossible.
I have always found that anything is possible.
With the proper incentive, that is.
[CHUCKLES.]
The proper incentive.
Well, try me, general.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
[BUZZES.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
Good morning, Mrs.
Marston.
Beautiful day, isn't it? - Mrs.
King.
- Oh.
- It's the code-word thing.
- Yes.
Um, Rosemary? It's not Rosemary? Sounds like Rosemary.
Mrs.
Marston, could you give me a little hint? No, of course, you couldn't.
Rosebud.
Rosebud.
Rosebud, of course.
- Have a nice day, Mrs.
King.
- Yes, Mrs.
Marston.
[AMANDA SIGHS.]
And you have a nice day too, Mrs.
Marston.
- Good morning, Amanda.
- Uh, good morning, sir.
Sir, uh, there's somebody doing something to Lee's desk.
Oh, looks like Fred's got a plant on his new desk.
- Oh, it's a philodendron too.
- His desk? - Right, Fred.
It's his new desk.
Lee left.
- Lee left? Left.
For good.
No, wait.
I don't understand that.
Lee Stetson is the best agent there is.
He would never leave.
- Lee took another job, Amanda.
- Another job? I'll get back to you on the Chinagate project.
Amanda, I guess we won't be seeing too much of you anymore.
- Take care, okay? AMANDA: Yeah.
- Uh, sir? - I'm sorry, I'm really under the gun today.
Oh, sir, I'm sorry, but I just really have to ask you if what Francine said is true.
Is Lee gone? He's gone, and we haven't made any long-range plans.
I have your phone number.
I'll call you if something comes up.
Yes, sir.
Oh, sir.
Uh, uh I made this for all of you.
For you, and Francine and Lee.
Uh, it's apple pie.
It won second prize at the Scout Jamboree.
- That's very thoughtful.
- Thank you.
Uh, we'll be talking, ahem - Amanda King, right? - Mm-hm.
Fred Fielder.
Taking over for Stetson.
Uh-huh, I see.
They didn't tell you, did they? They said he left.
Well, that's kinder than saying "sold out," I suppose.
[SCOFFS.]
- Sold out? - Went over, sold out, defected, pick one.
Oh, no, I won't pick one.
No.
Lee Stetson is a wonderful agent.
He's honest and patriotic.
Oh, patriotic? That's why he dumped the agency to work for a sleaze-o like Ed Ballon.
- Who's Ed Ballon? - One of our senior field agents.
Till Billy bounced him.
He was using agency contacts to sell classified arms to the Cubans rockets to Kaddafi, whoever.
Now he's got Stetson peddling his arms for him.
No.
No, I'm sorry.
I don't believe that.
No, sir.
- Not for a minute.
I just don't believe that.
- You kidding? He couldn't wait.
He blew off the agency as soon as Ballon got to him.
Showed him the good life.
Big money, expense account, tailor-made suits, things like that.
- Stetson bought the whole line.
- Oh, no.
No.
Lee might have left, but he's certainly not selling rockets.
- Ask him.
- I will.
I wouldn't look for him at his old apartment.
You can find your patriot roughing it at the Watergate West.
You're going to be very embarrassed when you find out the truth, Mr.
Meadows.
- Fielder.
- Whatever.
And I'm very sorry there won't be enough apple pie to go around.
Nice going, Fred.
Did a real hatchet job on her.
Sometimes the truth hurts, Francine.
Yeah.
Doesn't it, though? LEE: Uh, not quite so much break, George.
Yeah, that's great.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
Come in.
Try to have those shirts by next week, okay? - Hi.
- Hello.
I, uh, guess you've been to the office? Yes, I've been to the office.
I talked to Mr.
Melrose, and Francine and Fred Fielder and, uh Well, I thought I should talk to you.
Well, Amanda, I'm kind of tied up right now.
AMANDA: Yes, I can see - No problem.
- We can finish tomorrow if you like.
- Okay.
- Uh, Amanda, could you turn around? - Oh.
Sure.
- Yes.
LEE: Thank you.
AMANDA: Lee, I don't think you realize the really awful things that people are saying about you.
Yeah.
If you're including Fred Fielder under "people," I can guess.
Yeah, all right.
AMANDA: Turn around yet? - Okay.
Same time tomorrow, huh, George? There you go.
Thank you.
Well, how do you like it? It's very nice.
You gave that man a $50 bill.
- He's a nice man.
- So are you.
And l I don't believe the awful things that I've heard [PHONE RINGING.]
but I wanna hear from you - Excuse me.
Hello? Oh, hello, Colonel Morales, yes.
Uh, which rocket launcher was that? The S-1 or the S-2? Right.
Right.
Well, you see, there's gonna be a, uh, kind of a small problem there.
The factory's running about six weeks behind on its orders.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
Uh, excuse me, colonel.
Amanda, could you get the door? Yeah, I'm back.
No, no, no, sir.
Believe me, you are number one on the list.
You can depend on it.
All right.
I'll get back to you.
Goodbye.
There's a man here to see you and I think I'd better be going because I keep telling myself and telling myself that what I'm seeing isn't what I'm seeing.
And I think I better leave before I don't listen to myself anymore, and l You understand.
Bye.
DOTTY: All I'm saying is that you walked out of the house this morning with a wonderful apple pie in your hand, spring in your step and then you arrived here this afternoon, dragging in with your chin on the linoleum.
And I'm just concerned.
- Thank you.
- Oh, good heavens, Amanda.
You don't have to thank me.
I mean, when you hurt, I hurt.
I'll tell you what.
Why don't we go to a movie? I'll call Miss Simms and she can come over and sit with Jamie and Philip and we'll see something with a [CHUCKLES.]
Well, with an R rating for a change.
Mother.
- Yes.
- One of my friends quit his job today.
- Well, I hope he had another job.
- Mm.
You should never quit your job unless you have another job lined up.
- He had another job lined up, all right.
- That's good.
I mean, when your father quit Mr.
McGiver we had macaroni for eight straight weeks.
- Well, you were too young to remember.
- I think he made a terrible mistake.
When he quit Mr.
McGiver, he got a much better job.
- I feel that it would have been - I don't mean Daddy.
I'm talking about my friend.
I think my friend made a mistake.
He's really good at his job and he really loved it and maybe he needed a change but I don't think this was the right kind of change, that's all.
- He's an adult, this friend of yours? - Yes, Mother.
[CHUCKLES.]
Then you have to trust that knows what he's doing.
Amanda, I should have had this pot roast done 20 minutes ago.
A best friend is a friend that doesn't meddle.
That's what they say.
Of course, I was never very good at not meddling myself.
I always felt, um, well, an obligation.
You know, obligation to help.
Obligation? If the friend is important and you really care about your friendship.
- I do.
- This new job that he has do you feel that it is, uh, beneath his talents? Oh, yeah, you bet I do.
Then, Amanda, he probably doesn't realize he has options.
- Options? - Options, Amanda, options.
Options.
He has options.
- Thank you, Mother.
- That's right.
Options.
Let me tell you.
The classifieds are full of o [SIGHS.]
Why does she do that? LEE: I am not interested in options, and definitely not import-export, okay? Okay, all right, look, no import-export, but we've also got investment banking.
- Amanda.
- You'd be wonderful at that.
- Travel, expense account - Amanda.
Forget it.
Now, how about, uh, marketing? Marketing would be Or insurance.
Oh, Lee, there is absolutely the best ad for insur Machine guns.
Lee, that says machine guns.
Hey, hey, hey.
It is not polite to read other people's That's upside down.
You read that upside down.
- When did you learn how to do that? - I've been practicing.
Forget it.
Uh, no.
Forget it.
- Now, I do not want to peddle insurance.
- No, I will not forget it.
I mean, I think it's a heck of a lot better than selling rockets to unsavory people.
I mean, if you ask my opinion.
That's exactly what I do not need right now.
So go on home, run a couple loads through the spin-dry and Well, I'm expecting someone.
No, I won't do that, because we're friends.
We're business associates.
Former business associates.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
Now, look, Amanda, I want you out of here.
When he comes in, you go out.
- You got that? - Yes.
All right.
BALLON: Lee, how are you? - Edson, come on in.
Thank you.
Uh, Mrs.
King was just leaving.
Mrs.
King.
Amanda King? Well, it's a pleasure to meet you finally.
- Do we, uh? Do we know? - No, no, but I certainly know of you.
- You and Lee have worked together.
- Amanda, this is Edson Ballon.
How do you know about me? Oh, uh One hears things, you know? Uh, Mrs.
King, thanks for coming by and, uh, say goodbye to Mr.
Ballon.
We'll be talking to you.
- Goodbye, Mr.
Ballon.
BALLON: Bye.
There are plenty of marvelous opportunities.
- And you have options.
You have options.
LEE: I know.
Right.
I will do.
Thank you.
Thank you.
[SIGHS.]
I'm sorry about that.
Don't be.
I was very, very glad to meet her.
Ah, well, she's a civilian, use her on the milk runs.
You know, easy stuff.
Yeah.
Well, she seems very loyal to you, very Seems very dedicated to you.
Yeah.
Uh, major, why don't you wait for me in the car? Mr.
Stetson's a friend.
Does he wear his shades to bed too? [CHUCKLES.]
BALLON: Well, there's an interesting story about the major.
He, uh, caught a phosphorous grenade in the face.
Cuba.
The Bay of Pigs thing.
Lost his voice in Rhodesia.
One of the Wappis dropped a wire noose around his throat and tried to strangle him.
Didn't take.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Anyway, Lee, I think you and I are gonna understand each other real well.
And I think you're gonna be very, very successful in securing Savior for us.
Savior? - Heh, you don't really - Oh, yes.
I do.
We haven't even given that to the NATO countries yet.
It's under wraps at Landover, the weapons-testing lab.
That's right.
And that's why this is perfect for you.
You set up their security system down there.
You know all their personnel.
[CHUCKLES.]
Landover.
And Savior.
And your cut of this is a million-six.
LEE: Phew.
That's a pretty fair first commission.
[BALLON CHUCKLES.]
Look, if If we can break it loose, there's no way we're gonna get it out of the country.
Lee, that's my end of it.
- Your end is just to get it out of the gate.
- Oh, that's all.
That's all.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Mrs.
King.
I apologize for not calling first but I have some very good news for you.
- Good news, uh, Mr.
, um - Ballon.
Just call me Edson.
Uh, yes, Mr.
Ballon, I'm sorry, I'm very busy, I'm cleaning.
And my mother and my two boys will be home any moment.
And if you are here when they get here, I'd have a lot of explaining to do.
But they won't be back, Mrs.
King.
They're at baseball practice.
Listen, Mrs.
King, I know that you don't necessarily approve of me.
But I also know that you're a fair person, and I hope that you'll do me the favor of listening, especially since I really do have some very good news for you.
- Can I come in? - For a moment.
- Thank you very much.
- Hmm.
I appreciate it, Mrs.
King.
Now, tell me something.
Have you ever heard of the Arms Control Export Agreement? Arms Control Export No.
Mrs.
King, a beautiful home you have here.
Really, it's quite, quite lovely.
I think it's, uh It's very warm.
Anyway, back to the, uh, Arms Control Export Agreement, Mrs.
King, if I may Oh-ho, look at this.
Scott Fitzgerald, Jack Kerouac, Jack London.
Boy, you've got some of my favorite books here.
Ah, yes, the agreement.
Well, what it does is it limits us from providing arms to certain countries.
Even those countries who believe in democracy as we do, you and I.
So that forces us to cook up little strategies to help these people.
- Are you with me so far? - I guess so.
Good.
Now, Mrs.
King, this is how it works.
You see, certain members of the agency are given the responsibility of getting certain material to some of these friendly people.
- Excuse me, but if they're friendly - Oh, wait, wait, hold on.
Just let me finish, all right? Thank you.
We have to put some of our personal considerations and some friendships behind us temporarily.
- Now, do you understand what I'm saying? - I hope so.
And why do we do this? Because Blue Leader expects it of us.
Blue Leader.
- You know Blue Leader? - Mrs.
King, I work for him.
So does Lee.
Lee hasn't left the agency.
He just has to make it appear as if he has, that's all.
[CHUCKLES.]
That's good news, right? Well, that's not good news, that's great news.
Please, Amanda, sit down.
Sit down.
Blue Leader, myself, Lee, and now you are the only people who know about this.
This is a matter of extreme secrecy, Mrs.
King.
Even Billy hasn't been told.
- Mr.
Melrose doesn't know? - No.
We all know what a terrific contribution you have made to the success of Scarecrow.
- You do? - Did Lee say that? - He sees it a little different.
Oh, I know, I know.
He thinks he doesn't need me.
And this is not some ordinary operation.
We're talking national defense here.
Now, personalities cannot be allowed to get in the way.
We need you.
Your country needs you.
I'm here to find out if we can count on you.
Of course.
For my country and - Anyway, I'll be in touch.
- Uh, yes, sir.
But remember.
- One thing.
Not a word to anybody.
- Not a word to anybody.
Goodbye, Mrs.
King.
I'm on the team.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
MAN [ON RADIO.]
: I hope you enjoyed that side BLUE LEADER [O VER RADIO.]
: Lancer, this is Blue Leader.
BILLY: Go ahead, Blue Leader.
BLUE LEADER: How are we doing on the Ballon business? BILLY: We've bugged every room in Scarecrow's new apartment.
He and Ballon are in regular contact.
From what we've been able to pick up there's a major arms deal in a couple of days.
BLUE LEADER: This one better not go through.
Ballon's slipped by before.
- It can't happen again.
Understood? - Understood, sir.
BLUE LEADER: Ballon's agency training has served him well.
- He knows how to anticipate us.
- We'll nail him, sir.
BLUE LEADER: Well, picking up Scarecrow and the buyers isn't enough.
It's essential to catch Edson Ballon with the actual goods and some item of classified hardware in his possession.
Now, that's what we have to neutralize.
Scarecrow's got himself into a dangerous game.
Ballon's last associate was identified with a few teeth and a belt buckle.
BILLY: A few teeth and a belt buckle.
MAN [ON RADIO.]
: Just call Crazy Larry and I'd be glad to ignore you.
BALLON: Now, this is a little show-and-tell I use for the clients.
It's, uh It's a terrific sales tool.
This is called the cluster bomb.
- You see? LEE: Yeah.
Very impressive.
It's also passé.
BALLON: Lee, I stay in business because I offer my clients the newest and the latest.
And that's the Savior.
I'm not gonna settle for anything less than that, and neither will General Marquino.
- Yeah, but this is a tough one, Edson.
BALLON: Well, that's why you're aboard.
I've been working on my contacts over at Landover.
Savior is Colonel Arvilla's baby.
We have a good relationship.
I've been laying down groundwork with him.
Good, because along with everything else, we've got a time problem.
I know that.
But you're not talking about a conventional weapon here, Edson.
If it was anything but Savior, I could have delivered yesterday.
So could half a dozen other guys.
This is the one I need you on, Lee.
I want to tell you something.
We got a good team here.
We got a damn good team.
I think, uh I think I managed to make it just a little bit better today.
Oh, how so? We got a new recruit.
- Your friend, Mrs.
King.
- Amanda? I knew you'd like that.
Because I I know that, uh, you two have worked together very well.
Now, look, that was We just worked together on a few things, strictly minor-league stuff.
- She is a civilian.
- Well, don't be such an elitist.
- Civilians have uses.
- Yeah, but not in a deal like this.
It's strictly a solo operation, and you know it.
Not anymore, it isn't.
Amanda King is in on this, Lee.
All the way.
She can win big with us.
Or she could lose big.
But that's up to you.
LEE: Hey.
Anybody tagging you? Billy, how long have I been doing this, huh? You took a hell of a chance calling me.
Something like this could monkey wrench the whole deal.
Did you put sugar in this? - I always take sugar.
- I never take sugar.
- We've got to pull the plug anyway.
- You're kidding me.
What for? [SIGHS.]
- Ballon's put Amanda into the deal.
- Amanda? Our Amanda? Your Amanda.
Check.
- To do what? What's her job? - He wouldn't say.
But I got a pretty good idea.
See, he doesn't trust me all the way yet.
I think he figures if he can keep a string on Amanda, I'll have to stay in line.
- I won't dare double-cross him.
- Tell her to back off.
Are you serious? Ha, ha.
You know I can't talk to her, Billy.
Remember, you've got my apartment bugged, Ballon's got it bugged.
Besides, he's got the major practically planted in my back pocket.
I gotta get to Blue Leader.
This is terrible.
Well, tell him it's too dangerous.
BLUE LEADER [O VER RADIO.]
: That's not acceptable, Scarecrow.
The mission has been too carefully planned to cancel now.
Uh, sir, um, Amanda King is a civilian.
A civilian with two children, a mother, and a mortgage.
BLUE LEADER: Quite correct.
And so she must be protected.
Not told, protected.
Understand? Scarecrow, the message you left at the drop indicated that Ballon's target was Savior.
- Right.
BLUE LEADER: You've been to Landover.
You know some of the technical staff, correct? Some of them, yes.
BLUE LEADER: Play it exactly as you would if you were requisitioning any other piece of ordinance.
Everything is arranged.
The important thing is we don't have a thing on Ballon unless we can place him with the bomb.
It has to be virtually in his hands, in his possession.
Is that understood? BOTH [IN UNISON.]
: Yes, sir.
BLUE LEADER: Blue Leader, clear.
[LEE SIGHS.]
Well, I guess it's still on.
Looks like it.
Anything else I should know before we get underway? Yeah, one thing.
I hate sugar.
JAMIE: But it's got all the heavy stuff.
- It's got the milk, and the bleach and the - Knock it off.
I didn't whine when I got your potatoes and your oranges, did I? - I'm not whining.
- You are too.
- Boys, stop bickering.
I will carry them in - Mother, please.
If the box boy can lift it, Philip can manage.
- See, Philip? - Jamie can go upstairs and do his homework.
- Never mind.
I've got it.
Get out, go on.
You will have time to eat and change and be at school by 7, won't you? - School? - Play, honey.
Philip's play? Oh.
He's gonna be Jack and the Beanstalk.
Amanda your mind seems to be so scattered lately.
Is there something on your mind? No, Mother.
Nothing's on my mind.
I'll be back in plenty of time.
Oh, all right, don't ask.
I tell myself, "Don't ask.
" - "It's Amanda's business," I tell myself.
- Thank you.
- Unless you'd like to tell me.
- Mother.
Fine.
Fine.
It's all right.
I, uh I would be back at 5:30, though.
I'm sorry to leave you with all this stuff.
It's all right.
You just You just go along.
Hmm.
[AMANDA SIGHS.]
LEE: Ralph Arvilla is kind of a new entry.
- I'm surprised you two haven't met.
- I don't know, it's, uh It's possible.
- What outfit were you in, major? - Uh, the major has kind of a throat injury.
- Combat, you know? RALPH: Oh, gee, that's too bad, I'm sorry.
- Uh, well, there she is, Lee.
Savior.
- Yeah.
And how do we get her loaded? - Loaded for what? - For the show-and-tell for the NATO people.
[CHUCKLES.]
The major and I are errand boys.
They told me the NATO thing was next week.
Somebody on Deardorf's staff was arranging for the move.
What can I tell you, Ralph? It's this week and us.
You don't mean, uh, Choirboy or one of the others? Nope.
Savior, definitely.
I wish they'd tell me when they change up on me.
Well, that's life, colonel.
So how about lending me a couple techs to help us load this onto the pickup truck, huh? Pickup truck? You're gonna take Savior out of here in a pickup truck? You'd like me to have a 40-truck convoy so everybody within 80 miles would know it was coming out? - Well, it'll have to be crated.
- So crate it.
Okay.
You men, go to supply, get some material, and put a crate around this thing.
You're gonna have to sign for this.
In my office.
Oh, uh, major? Don't touch, okay? Under that nosecap is a very sensitive arming button.
You trigger that, and, uh, it wouldn't take too much to airmail you guys and your pickup truck to Mars.
Remember that.
Hey.
Why the dog-and-pony show? We have to make him think it's the real goods, right? If we tip him there's no detonator, somebody's liable to hand you your head.
We wouldn't want that, would we? [SIGHS.]
BALLON: You made it.
- Yeah.
- Good man, good man.
- Sure.
- Now it's your baby, Edson.
- No, listen.
Uh, this is part of the plan now.
I want you to take it.
I want you to deliver it to Dulles Airport, gate number two.
- The major and I will be along shortly.
- All right.
- Got it? We'll see you there.
- Yeah.
- Now, listen.
Drive carefully.
- Yeah, believe it.
Scarecrow to Lancer.
This is Lancer.
What have you got? I've got your merchandise and the destination.
- It's going down at Dulles.
- You're covered, that's a router.
It's going down at Dulles.
Scramble, scramble.
It's Dulles.
LEE: Lancer, we might have a problem here.
Lancer, come in, are you reading? [TRUCK HORN HONKING.]
Something's going wrong in that tunnel.
Check it out.
[BEEPING.]
[LEE GRUNTS.]
Amanda, don't hit the brakes.
Don't hit the brakes.
[LEE SCREAMS.]
- Are you all right? LEE: Yeah.
[LEE GRUNTS.]
- Come here.
- Amanda.
What did I tell you, huh? What did I tell you? - I told you not to stop so fast.
- You frightened me.
[SIGHS.]
- Were you the thud that I heard? - Yeah, yeah.
Now, look.
I gotta talk to you.
I tell you what, why don't we talk in the car and we'll be able to stay right on schedule.
Just forget the schedule, huh? And you forget anything that Ballon ever told you.
Don't know what he said to you, but he is not working for the agency.
I am.
- You are, but he isn't.
- That's right.
[SIGHS.]
Then why am I hauling this trailer around? Let me ask you this.
Who is the least obvious person in the whole world to be hauling a secret weapon, huh? A suburban mother in a station wagon hauling a trailer, right? Now, where are you supposed to be meeting him? He lied to me and I believed him.
- I am really foolish.
- Hold it, hold it.
You believed in me.
Huh? You did what you did because you trusted me.
Now, I don't know anybody who would go that far out on a limb for a friend.
Amanda, you are not foolish, you're very far from it.
Friend? We're friends? Well, I, uh I exaggerated a little.
Where are you supposed to be hauling this bomb? - Bomb? - Oh.
- What bomb? - No, hold on.
It's not a real bomb.
I mean, it looks like a real bomb.
No, it's not a I mean, he thinks it is a real bomb, but it isn't, all right? It's just It's just to trap him with.
We have to catch him red-handed with classified material to put him away.
- He's a bad person.
He's unsavory.
Right, right, he is unsavory.
So where are you going to meet him, huh? Uh, I'm supposed to go, uh, down this road, I go two or three miles I turn right, I go seven-tenths of a mile, I stop at the helicopter.
- Helicopter? - Uh-huh.
- Helicopter? - Helicopter.
[GRO ANS.]
I'm gonna borrow your car to make this delivery.
- No, no, no.
That won't work.
- What? He'll see that it's you and not me driving.
He'll get in helicopter and he'll fly away.
It'll mess everything up.
You're right.
You're right, you're right.
It'll blow it.
[GRUNTS.]
- We've had it.
- Not if I keep driving.
No.
No way.
You don't know what's waiting at the end of that road.
- Now, it is too dangerous.
- Lee.
- Amanda, I'm telling you - I feel responsible.
I got you into this, and I'm gonna get you out of it.
And besides that, he doesn't even know that you've talked to me.
You know what will be waiting down there, huh? Ballon and a bunch of guys with guns, and I'm So I don't have a gun.
What kind of a threat am I? Besides that, it's not a real bomb.
All right.
We won't have any backup.
It'll be just the two of us.
I have you.
You'll figure something out.
Do you know how to use one of these? - Don't you have something a little simpler? - It's simple.
Believe me.
You just get in the car and drive.
I will explain.
[LEE SIGHS.]
AMANDA: My purse.
- Get the purse out of the way.
[BEEPING.]
BALLON: There's no need to worry, general.
She's still within her time.
[CAR HORN HONKS.]
In fact, here she is.
Hello, sir.
- I'm not late, am I? - Nope, Mrs.
King, you're exactly on time.
Good.
Yes.
Yes.
Into the helicopter, quickly.
- [WHISPERS.]
Not yet.
- [WHISPERS.]
Okay, okay, okay.
Uh, maybe Maybe after we complete our arrangement - Your fee? - Exactly.
Certainly.
Rafael.
The suitcases, pronto.
BALLON: Major, please.
Well, Benito, I don't think there's anything else to discuss.
- Until next time.
- [IN NORMAL VOICE.]
Not exactly, Ballon.
- Now, let's just lock it off right here, folks.
BALLON: Don't be stupid, Stetson.
We've got automatic weapons.
You have no backup.
You remember the Wrangler Operation? The one-man bust with a full agency backup.
[LEE SCOFFS.]
You think I'd be dumb enough to walk in with a homemaker from Arlington? [IN NORMAL VOICE.]
He would never do that.
- We've got tanks - Plenty of tanks, big tanks.
- And air support.
- Plenty of air support.
Give it up, Lee.
Your support is all at Dulles and we know it.
- Major, get that camera.
- Major, uh-uh, major.
I wouldn't do that.
Come on, Amanda.
Now, if I go everybody's gonna go.
Whoa, whoa, hey, hey.
Lee, take it easy, man.
Just take it easy, man.
Hold it.
Lee.
Easy.
[BEEPING.]
LEE: Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, it's triggered.
Something's activated the timer.
Go on, stay back, go on.
[BALLON CHUCKLES.]
Hey, come on, that's an old gag, Lee.
- You think I'm gonna fall for that? - Listen to it.
[BEEPING.]
BALLON: Out.
Out.
Get out.
Keep going.
BENITO: What about the helicopter? [ALL SCREAMNG.]
MAN: Let's run! Get out of here! [POLICE SIRENS WAILING.]
[ALL YELLING.]
[LAUGHS.]
Wonderful.
That was wonderful.
MAN: Go! Let's run! - That was wonderful.
I knew you would - Amanda, stay back.
I told you to stay back.
Now, go on.
- What are you talking about? - I'm serious.
- It's gonna blow.
- Say what? I said it's gonna blow.
[BEEPING.]
A damn pin is busted loose somewhere.
- You need a pin? - Yes, I need a pin.
I got a pin in my purse.
- Well, hurry up, will you? - Yeah.
I'm hurrying.
[AMANDA SIGHS.]
Now, Lee, calm down.
All right, now, Lee, calm down.
Easy.
Amanda, hurry up.
Come on, a pin, any kind of a pin.
- I can't find the pin.
LEE: Oh, come on.
Come on, come on.
- Easy.
Amanda, hurry up, will you? - I'm hurrying.
I got the pin.
I got a pin.
- There's a pin on the back of this badge.
- What? A badge? - Let me see.
- Oh, no.
That won't work.
- It'll work.
- It had better.
[BEEPING FASTER.]
[BEEPING STOPS.]
There.
[CHUCKLES.]
[LEE SIGHS.]
[AMANDA CHUCKLES.]
[SIGHS.]
- That wasn't so hard.
- Yeah.
Oh.
Whew! - I wonder why everybody ran away like this.
- I don't know.
Something we said, you think? [LAUGHS.]
AMANDA: You mean I took these pictures with that little bitty camera? LEE: That's right, you took them.
- Ah.
BILLY: Well, that's gonna put Edson Ballon and the major in the federal pokey for a long, long time.
[FRANCINE CHUCKLES.]
AMANDA: Well, I just can't believe it.
The pictures that I usually take When I walk into the photo store the lady just looks at me and points at me and laughs.
[BILLY CHUCKLES.]
She's gonna be proud of you now, Amanda.
Oh, listen, Lee.
Uh, I'm sorry about the sort of undignified retreat the fellows pulled out in that field.
No, a little healthy cowardice.
You'd have to understand who's involved in order to appreciate it.
You see, we finally got a fix on your location when we picked up a report on state police radio about some clown on top of a lady's station wagon on Kensington Road.
Clown? Well, that's their description, not mine.
Anyway, since a station wagon did come out of that tunnel - You put two and two together.
- And phoned Fred.
- Fred.
- Fred Fielder.
The Fred we all know and love.
FRANCINE: Maybe you'll get lucky, Lee, and he'll leave the philodendron.
Ooh.
Anyway, Fred got the call, found the field, and scooped up Ballon and the others.
Unfortunately, somebody mentioned that the bomb was live and Fred just I think the word you're looking for, Billy, is "panicked.
" Poor Fred.
BILLY: Yeah.
Poor Fred.
What about you, Amanda? When did you actually find out about the bomb? Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
Just before it didn't go off.
[CHUCKLES.]