The Munsters (1964) s01e16 Episode Script

[Rattling.]
Oh, Herman, it's you.
Yes, dear.
I, uh I forgot my key.
I didn't want to break the door down again.
It always makes such a mess.
How were things at the parlor, dear? Business has been kind of dead all week.
That's nice.
Oh, Herman! Eddie's been wanting to talk to you ever since he got home from school.
He's in the living room.
Hey, Pop! Pop! Hey, Pop, could we go on a camping trip? Could we, huh? A camping trip? Yeah, on account of you never take me camping.
And today in school, some kids were braggin' about their parents takin' them hunting and fishing in the woods.
And all you ever do is take me on picnics in the cemetery.
Could we, Pop? Please! Huh? Well, I, uh You know, Herman, as good parents, maybe we should take Eddie on a camping trip.
I guess we could put up with a few days of fresh air for Eddie's sake.
Oh, boy, could we, Pop? Could we? Please! Well, uh, you know, Lily, I just might be able to swing it this weekend at that.
I mean, if any work piles up down at the shop, I'll just tell them to keep it on ice till Monday.
Gee, that's neat, Pop.
Wait'll I call the guys and tell 'em I'm going camping.
Now, Marilyn has to stay home and study for exams, but I'm sure Grandpa will want to go.
He just loves to get close to the soil.
You know, Lily, I think we're all gonna enjoy it.
I think it's a good idea once in a while for the Munsters to get out and meet nature face to face.
Hmm.
[Sniffs.]
Uh, Lily, Grandpa and Eddie have the car all loaded up.
They're going to bring it around front.
Marilyn, are you sure you won't be frightened staying here alone? Of course not, Aunt Lily.
How could I be frightened staying in a friendly old house like this? [Car Horn Honks.]
Come on, everybody! Shadow Pine Lake, here we come.
[Laughs.]
Come on in, Herman.
I'll drive for awhile; then you can take over.
Good-bye, Uncle Herman.
Good-bye, dear.
Good-bye, Aunt Lily.
Don't forget to feed Spot.
He's no trouble at all since he learned to open those pet food cans with his fangs.
Uh, but, dear, keep an eye on him.
The last time we left him alone, he ate the grandfather's clock, and he ticked for eight days.
- Okay.
I'll watch him.
- [Eddie.]
So long, Raven.
Good-bye! Thank you very much.
Enjoy your stay.
That guy looked kinda familiar.
Didn't he camp here a few weeks ago? You got me.
So many people go through here, one face looks like another to me.
[Backfires.]
Thank you, my good man.
Did I say one face looks like another? Fourteen years in this park, I've never seen anything like that.
Maybe I should report this to Superintendent Haskell.
He always wants to know about any suspicious-looking characters that show up.
Yeah.
Say, uh, you don't think that was a UCLA debating team on tour, do you? I don't know, but I'm sure going to tell Mr.
Haskell about them.
[Chuckles.]
Herman.
Herman, please! I asked you never to pound stakes when I'm around.
You know it gives me heartburn.
Oh, uh, sorry, Grandpa.
I forgot.
Pop, when are we gonna start fishin'? Uh, in a minute, Eddie.
As soon as I'm finished pitching the tent.
Herman, dear, that tent's right out here in the open where it's bright and sunny.
You really should have pitched it in the shadow of those trees.
Then we could take advantage of the gloom.
You know, you're right, Lily.
I should have thought of it.
You should have mentioned it earlier, Lily.
It's gonna be quite a nuisance to move the tent now.
Grandpa, I'll take care of it.
[Chuckles.]
[Strains.]
[Straining.]
- Where do you want it, dear? - That will be just fine, sweetheart.
[Laughs.]
No.
No, I think a little bit to your left.
And now a little forward.
Uh, a little to the right, Herman.
There! [Laughs.]
[Tweets.]
If there's anything I hate, it's a smart-aleck robin! Before I go off duty, Mr.
Haskell, I thought you should know about a party that came in the east gate this morning.
Suspicious-looking bunch? Well, they sure looked weird.
Rough-looking man, woman with a cape, some old fella looked like a warmed-over zombie and a kid.
I'll have the boys keep an eye out for them.
We caught a wild-looking crowd like that last year trying to break into the inn.
What kind of a car did they have? Fancy hot rod.
All hopped-up.
I'll put the word out.
Might be a new kind of middle-aged juvenile delinquents.
Eddie, if you two men are going to catch some fish for lunch, you better hurry.
Yeah, Pop.
Show me how to cast.
All right, son.
Come on.
Now, to really get distance, you lean back like this and really let her go! [Line Running.]
[Whistles.]
Ah! They should be ready in about a minute, Frank.
Let's go tell the girls.
Uh-Uh-Uh, that was just one of my short ones.
Boy, that was neat, Pop! You can't even see where it went.
Reel it in, Pop.
See if you get anything.
All right, Eddie.
Keep pulling, Pop.
I do believe I have something.
Boy, that's the neatest-looking fish I ever saw.
Mm.
A-And it seems to be cooked.
I guess they have a lot of hot springs around here.
Cast the line again, Dad.
Over that way.
All right, Eddie.
All right, Lily.
We're ready to eat.
- Did you catch three more fish? - No, we did better than that.
- Look! - Oh! Barbecued chicken.
Oh, how thoughtful! It looks delicious.
I knew the game commission was stocking the lakes, but this is the best fishing spot I've ever seen.
- Where are you going? - Well, we've got the chicken, now I'm going to try for some dumplings.
Good night, Mom.
If there's any thunder and lightning, be sure to wake me up.
I wouldn't want to miss it.
I will.
Now close up your sleeping bag.
[Wood Creaks, Claps.]
Here you go, dear.
Oh, thank you.
[Thunder Crashing.]
Oh, Herman, isn't it a lovely night? Yes.
Uh, I hope the moon doesn't come out and spoil it all.
You know, Lily, Herman, getting out like this is great.
It reminds me of those wonderful nights in the Black Forest back in the old days.
That's the trouble with you, Grandpa.
You live too much in the past.
Well, I had a lot of good friends back in Transylvania.
[Howling.]
Oh, that sounds like one of them now! Oh, I wish how I was out with the boys.
Grandpa, you know that here in America, you just can't go running around at night with a pack of good-for-nothings.
Of course not.
Besides, you always come home with your paws all muddy.
Rules, rules.
We're supposed to be on a vacation, aren't we? You'd think I'd be allowed at least one night out to howl.
You just stop that kind of talk.
The last time you felt like this, you ended up in Kansas City with that police dog.
I'm sorry, but I'm just so homesick for my four-footed friends, that's all.
[Yawns.]
Well, I, for one, am going to bed.
And then I'm getting up bright and early with my rod and reel and catch me an omelet or a pizza or something.
[Laughs.]
Come on, Lily.
Oh, Grandpa, you coming? I'll be going to bed pretty soon.
I just want to sit here a few minutes longer and listen to the call of the wild.
Well, bonne nuit.
Bonne nuit.
[Howling.]
Oh, you're so right.
That's what I always say.
Oh, if you had been with me in the Old Country I could tell you stories that would break your heart.
[Howling.]
[Clears Throat.]
[Howling.]
Herman.
Herman, wake up! Hmm? What? Oh.
Oh! Uh-Uh-Uh, good morning, Lily.
Herman, Grandpa's gone.
Gone? What do you mean? I went to wake him up this morning, and his sleeping bag was still rolled up.
He never went to bed last night.
?? [Rock.]
Hey, I found a station on the radio.
I didn't think it would work out here in the woods.
Oh, never mind that, Eddie.
Your grandfather disappeared during the night.
Uh, where could he have gone? When we went to bed, he was sitting right by the fire.
I don't know.
He kept talking about the call of the wild, and he had that funny look in his eye.
[Man On Radio.]
We interrupt this program for a local news bulletin.
Forest rangers in the Shadow Pines area report the capture of a full-grown wolf during the night.
While several wolves are known to inhabit this region, the one now held at the Shadow Pines Ranger Station is a rare species whose native habitat is the wilds of Transylvania.
Officials are baffled as to how this animal Oh! There's no doubt about it, Herman.
They're talking about my father.
Mom, can I go to the ranger station and pat Grandpa? Oh, Eddie! Herman, this is terrible.
What are we going to do? Lily, I don't know what you're going to do, but I'm going fishing.
He's a grown man, several hundred years old.
So why should I let him spoil my vacation? L-I mean, if he can't control himself, he ought to sign up with Werewolves Anonymous.
Well, if you won't do anything, I will.
I'm going to that ranger station and claim him.
[Door Opens, Closes.]
[Engine Starts.]
Lily Yes, Willard? I just thought I'd tell you we patrolled the entire area and there's no sign of those suspicious-looking people we had the report on earlier.
[Vehicle Approaching.]
So I've What in the world is that? I think those jets are buzzing the park again.
The wildest-looking car I ever saw.
There's something getting out of it.
It's a woman.
Looks like she's still in her sleeping bag.
Yes, miss.
May we help you? I understand from the radio you picked up a Transylvanian wolf last night.
That's right.
He's out back in one of our cages.
I'd like to claim him.
He's mine.
- He's your wolf? - No, he's my father.
I don't quite understand, but perhaps we better go out and have a look at him.
Did you hear what she said? She called it her father.
I've heard of people treating pets as one of the family, but this is a new one.
[Whining.]
That's him.
Well, aren't you ashamed of yourself? You've had us so worried.
Y-You know you're too old for this sort of thing.
Well, what have you got to say for yourself? - [Whines.]
- Oh! Excuses.
Always excuses.
You and your childish pranks.
If it isn't a wolf, it's a bat.
Now, you change yourself back into a person this instant and then you drive me back to camp.
[Whines.]
- What? - [Whines.]
[Scoffs.]
What do you mean you forgot how? Grandpa, you've been changing yourself into a wolf and back for 200 years.
L-I can't understand it.
It's like riding a bicycle once you learn, you never forget.
Well I guess I'll just have to take him home as is.
Would you happen to have a leash I could borrow? I'm afraid, miss, this wolf is in the custody of the Park Department right now, and we couldn't possibly turn him over to you.
Not turn him over to his own daughter? L-I can't believe that the Park Department would try to break up a happy family.
It's positively un-American.
I'm sorry, but the wolf is being shipped to the New York Zoo tomorrow morning [Grandpa Whines.]
When the matter, thank heavens, will be out of my hands.
I've never heard anything like this in all my lives.
Believe me, you haven't heard the last of this.
I'm going right back to camp this instant and inform my husband.
- See ya later.
- [Whines.]
What do you think, Mr.
Haskell? Why couldn't the Park Department have assigned me to Squirrel Valley where all the nuts are up in the trees? Li Lily.
You want me to go trespassing on government property and steal Grandpa? Hmph! What do I look like, some kind of thug? Oh, Herman.
We've got to get him out of his cage tonight.
Tomorrow they're shipping him off to the New York Zoo.
Yeah, you gotta get Grandpa.
Some kids are always braggin' about their grandpas in heaven.
What are they gonna say when I tell 'em my Grandpa's in a zoo? Herman, forget your scruples.
Think with your heart.
All right.
All right, Lily, I'll go.
And I'll get the big dummy.
I'll ruin my vacation, spoil Eddie's good time.
I'll go get him.
But I'll tell you one thing from now on, the most dangerous thing Grandpa's gonna turn into is a one-way street.
[Grandpa Howling.]
Sounds almost human at times, doesn't he? He sure does.
That woman who was here before do you think she could have any connection with those suspicious-looking people the ranger at the gate reported? Willard, I know she was dressed kind of weird, and she did talk to the wolf, but this is the tourist season.
Gotta get used to these oddballs.
Grandpa? [Whistles.]
[Rattling Continues.]
It's just one of those silly park bears looking for food.
Yeah, he's a big one.
They just look bigger in the dark.
Get a dishpan and something to pound on and get rid of him.
Yeah, right away.
They're all just big babies, huh? Grandpa, will ya knock it off.
[Whining.]
I've come to get you.
[Stops.]
[Whines Softly.]
Good Grandpa.
[Laughs.]
Grandpa, this is no time to get sloppy.
[Banging.]
What was that? Scat! Was it a bear? Yeah.
He took the wolf in his arms and ran through that fence.
Willard, may I remind you that one of the prime rules of the forestry service is "no drinking on duty.
" [Man On Radio.]
The rare species of wolf captured yesterday was released from its cage last night by what was first reported to be a large bear.
Well, that's silly.
There were no bears around there last night.
Just me.
[Man.]
Further investigation of the scene now leads park authorities to suspect a man wearing a mask or some sort of disguise.
Rangers at part exits are stopping all cars as the search Oh, this is terrible! [Whines.]
Grandpa, how do I know if the food's good in the New York Zoo? Will you get in the car and lie down while I figure some way to get you out of this park! Come on, Grandpa.
I got a biscuit for you.
Come here, Grandpa.
Come here, Grandpa.
Now let me see [Exhales.]
Okay.
Nothin' here.
Thank you.
You can drive on.
Well, that's the 50th car we've checked today so far.
Still no sign of any wolf.
Uh-oh.
Here comes that crazy lookin' bunch that came in the other day.
Better really check this one.
Good morning.
Good to see you.
Uh, we've enjoyed your park immensely.
Fine.
Mind if we take a look inside? Not at all.
Uh, be our guest.
Hi there.
Hi.
Is that a kid? Well, it's not quite a wolf.
Okay.
You can go.
Oh, uh, thank you.
Good day.
[Chuckles.]
Lily, i-i-it's all right.
W-We're safe now.
[Laughs.]
All right, Grandpa.
You can let go of your tail now.
[Whines.]
Easy does it, Grandpa.
Grandpa! [Whining.]
Easy does it.
Easy-Easy does it.
That's right.
[Whines.]
Grandpa, I am not going too fast.
And don't be a front seat driver.
And then your Uncle Herman got Grandpa out of his cage, but the rangers were looking for him, so we had to smuggle him out of the park.
Oh, that's a shame, Aunt Lily.
So many annoying little things can happen on a picnic.
Did you find anything, Herman? Yes, I found Grandpa's de-wolfing potion.
This ought to do the trick.
Sure hope it turns him back again.
Certainly hope so.
I'd hate to have to take Grandpa out for a walk every night for the rest of my life.
[Whining.]
What did he say? He said, "I'll drink to that.
" Well, go ahead, Grandpa.
Get with it.
- [Meows.]
- [Barking.]
What happened? One minute I'm out in the woods, next thing I'm here chasing a cat.
Uh, well, you see, Grandpa Herman.
Don't tell him.
It's too awful.
Uh, all I can tell you is that if you ever pull a stunt like this again, your zip code address is gonna be the Central Park Zoo!