Theodosia (2022) s01e16 Episode Script

1
Previously Our boat is
sailing this afternoon.
I thought you were
going tomorrow.
You want to come
with us, don't you?
Why would I want to when
our favourite cousin
is coming to be our governess?
Don't forget your grandmother
is in charge of the museum.
What is that? It's a pyramidion.
This is a whole
other level of magic.
It must be contained.
No, no, no!
Theo! Henry!
There you are.
Where's your sister?
She went for a walk.
I wanted to give
her a hug goodbye.
We're out of time.
The time spell!
I'm sorry.
I've got it! Quick, quick.
CLANKING
It worked.
It's Grandad's journal.
HENRY CLEARS THROA
HENRY COUGHS AND SNIGGERS
GRANNY SIGHS
Theodosia, such tardiness
is hardly desirable.
Still, that dress
is much more fitting
for a child of your age than
those ragamuffin outfits
your mother permits you to wear.
Could do with a few more frills.
GRANNY CLEARS THROA
There's no use moping.
It's your own fault you
weren't there to say goodbye
to your parents.
It wasn't.
If Henry hadn't
blundered into the
Never mind.
Now, listen to me, both of you.
Alistair and Henrietta may have
put up with your bad behaviour,
but I most certainly will not.
But we're not bad.
- SHE LAUGHS - Oh, really?
Let me refresh your memory.
Theodosia Throckmorton.
I asked you to tidy this room
and you've done the exact opposite!
Theo, honey, what
happened in here?
The Anubis statue in the stores
came to life, trashed my room
and escaped through that window.
The child is beyond the pale.
Sorry, I've got a
bit of an emergency.
Can we please talk
punishment later? Thank you.
I'll just I'll
just take this.
You know, don't want any loud
music disturbing Dad, do we?
Extraordinary.
Have you seen an Egyptian
staff about yea high?
And hello to you, too, Theodosia.
You and your brother
Oh, shush, Granny!
This is important!
Theo!
Harold, what have you done?
OK, maybe we're a bit bad.
Hmm. We have a lot of work to do
before your cousin,
Nigella, arrives.
She has taught Japanese princes,
she will expect high standards.
I'll fetch my book on
manners and etiquette.
Lessons? On a Sunday?
She's the worst.
Found anything in
Grandad's journal?
You can't stay
mad at me forever.
Or maybe you can.
This doesn't mean I've
forgiven you, Henry.
Look, this entry is from 1855.
He's digging at the Great Pyramid
and they have just found
It doesn't say.
It's just a bunch of blank
pages and these faint marks.
Maybe there's a secret message.
Look, you're good
on hieroglyphs,
but you know nothing
about spy stuff.
It could have hidden
writing on it.
No, no. Henry. Henry, don't.
Stop that! Henry, put it
Trust me. Wha? Henry!
OK.
Henry, stop!
No, wait. You just need
to dab it off a bit.
Stop. Why have you got
to ruin everything?
Wax writing. See? I was right.
It's in cuneiform. Babylonian
by the looks of it.
So what's it say?
Well, I've got no idea.
Henry, I can't read cuneiform.
Hardly anyone can.
Right, then, let's get started.
GRANNY GASPS
OK, we're bad.
What on earth have you done?
I leave you for two
minutes and this
You will not leave this room
until it is spotless! Am I clear?
Ugh!
DOOR SLAMS
Hey. Where are you going?
To find a spell that can help
me learn cuneiform real fast.
Please, don't make more mess.
Your spells don't
always go so well.
There is no way.
SHE GASPS
You did use the staff on it,
didn't you? No, I didn't, I swear.
I just cast a tiny spell
to make my plant grow.
So why is it still growing?
I don't know!
Make form from the formless.
She's back.
She certainly is.
Maybe not.
I will have you know that
I'm getting better at magic.
Oh, yeah? So what's the spell
for clearing up this ink?
Let's see.
Abracadab here, here and here.
HENRY SIGHS
BELL TOLLS
The cheek of that man.
Coming round, telling
us the rent is late,
like it's our fault the
landlord keeps raising it.
He is just doing his job.
Where does he think we
live? Buckingham Palace?
Don't worry, Mum.
We'll find a way. We always do.
What? You'll just magically
pull the solution from a hat?
You never know, life
just might surprise you.
Voila.
SHE CHUCKLES
For you, Mum.
SHE SIGHS
See you.
Oi, you. They're looking for workers
at the laundry down the road.
A young, strong lad like you
could get a job in a heartbeat.
Here you go. Take one of these.
Tell 'em Old Mick sent you.
Thank you. There you go.
Hey, are you looking
for a good day's pay?
I've got some hard work for you.
Let's try a wisdom spell,
then I'll be clever
enough to read cuneiform.
CLEARS THROA
Hear me, ancients.
Thoth, God of Wisdom, grant
thine servant the wisdom of ages.
SHE SIGHS
Please don't be disgusting.
Please don't be disgusting.
Put that down!
THUD
OLD WOMAN VOICE: Oh, no!
Look what you made me do!
Oh, my voice. Ah, my hands!
Ah!
You shouldn't even be in here.
Museum's closed on a Sunday,
especially to
vandals. Come on. Out.
Please, could you just let
Ow! You don't understand.
I just need to get I just If
you could just let me get over there
and see Oh! Oh!
"Let this report show that
on this day, two feathers
"No, fields.
"were sold to the merchant."
I can read cuneiform!
Wonderful. Can you read
the opening hours, too?
You've been polishing that same
spot for nearly five minutes now.
Er, yeah, about that,
I wanted to ask
about my wages.
Is there any chance I
could perhaps, maybe?
ARTIE SIGHS, CLICKS TONGUE
So you've heard
about me being broke.
WILL LAUGHS
Sorry, what?
You know how it's been lately.
You know, little things like
the place almost burning down
can make running
a business tricky.
- SCREAMING - It's
just like in my vision!
Please tell me this
has a happy ending.
The repairs cost me a fortune.
I promise I'll do my best
to pay you this week, yeah.
Thank you, Artie.
So there's no
chance of a raise?
ARTIE LAUGHS
Ah, good one, Will. You always
know how to cheer me up.
How you doing, mate? All
right, what would you like?
Some of this? Some of
the cake over there?
Or chocolate cake? Oh, yeah,
chocolate cake. I like that. Yes!
Theo, where are you?
This ink's everywhere.
Ow! Be careful.
Ah! Ow!
I know what you're doing. Come
on. It's absolutely ridiculous.
Oh, will you be careful?
Come on. Out. Out. Ow!
Ow! But you don't understand.
I need Come on.
Frills.
Come on.
I recognise that dress. Theo.
All I need is just two minutes.
Ah! I just I just need to
Ah!
Oh, listen If
you could just
- Just.. No, please.
- KNOCKING ON DOOR
- LOCK CLICKS -
Please don't
SHE SIGHS
For you. Thank you.
Ah, let me.
Now, let me just put it
back where it came from.
HE CHUCKLES
Bravo!
Excellent technique.
I never saw the thumb tip once.
You're a magician?
You might say that.
Have you heard of something
called the Magic Circle?
Of course. It's
my dream to join.
Well, keep practising.
Your magic could bring
you fame and fortune.
Oh.
Keep the change, as a tip.
Thank you. My pleasure.
Enjoy your cake.
Thank you.
The museum's closed.
Can't you read?
Oh, I'm not here for the museum.
I'm here to see
Great-Aunt Lavinia.
And who's that when
they're at home?
Lady Throckmorton.
I'm her great-niece, Nigella.
Welcome to our
humble establishment.
Clive Fagenbush, assistant
curator, at your service.
Here, let me take your bag.
Why, thank you, Clive.
That'd be most kind.
Oh, sorry. Books.
Are you sure you'll be
OK with all the rest?
All the rest?
Mostly more books, I'm afraid.
Will, you have to help me.
Do I know you?
It's me. Theo.
Likely story. Only you're
about 50 years too old
and Theo would never
wear something like that.
Yeah, I wouldn't
believe me either.
I cast a spell to get wisdom,
and it worked by making me old.
I can prove it's me.
Remember the first time we met?
Quick, throw me the ball.
Before it disappears.
How How did you do that?
Like I said, Miss it's magic.
Well, where's the ball?
I've still got another go.
What is that?
OK, how did you do that?
Ah, a magician never
reveals his tricks.
I'm Will.
And you are?
DING!
MUMMY CACKLES
How did you do that?
A gamer never
reveals her tricks.
WILL LAUGHS
OK, OK, I'm convinced.
So, how smart are you?
What is the key of
Beethoven's 5th Symphony?
Ooh, I know - what's the
capital of Switzerland? It's
Even better - what is 284 x 902?
C minor, Bern, 256,168.
But there's no time for that.
We need to get back into the museum
so I can read what Grandad wrote
and stop whatever bad
magic is in the pyramidion.
What?!
It's incredible.
OK, how many fingers
am I holding up?
I've got wisdom, Will,
not X-ray vision.
Come on!
SHE HUFFS
Great Uncle Harold's
collection is very impressive.
Indeed, although I'm sure you
saw things which were quite as
magnificent while
you were acting as
governess for those
Japanese princes.
You'd be amazed.
But I'm very happy
to be back here.
How are Theo and Henry?
- Ah.
- SHE CHUCKLES
You will have your work cut out.
Following this
morning's debacle,
I've set them chores in the
family room as a punishment.
They are not to be disturbed
until they've finished.
That seems firm.
Hm. I only hope you can instil
some sense in them, Nigella.
You were always such
a well-behaved child.
So different from your father.
Well, I shall try my best.
Oh, but, of course, you'll be
tired after your long journey.
I'll leave you to get some rest.
Perfect. Now, quick, get in.
"Donation of Minoan amphora.
"Must only be opened by
Henrietta Throckmorton."
All right. Let's get
you in the stores.
Oh, my
HE GRUNTS
Oh, my God. Weighs a ton.
Right, Theo, what have
you gone and done now?
Henry.
Nigella.
I've been looking
everywhere for you.
Are you hiding from your granny?
N-No. She's not
with you, is she?
I hear you've been getting
in lots of trouble.
Me? Trouble? Never.
Well, almost never.
I did invent an amazing cleaning
machine that absolutely hated me.
SQUEAL
Saffy, no!
Stop, stop!
No, Saffy, please!
NIGELLA LAUGHS
Glad to see you
haven't changed a bit.
But you better
behave in my class.
I'll be good as gold.
Starting from now.
"Take her bags, Clive.
"Tea in the garden, Clive.
"Bring in the delivery, Clive."
I'm an assistant
curator, not a dogsbody.
Oh, my back is killing me.
HE BREATHES HEAVILY
DOOR OPENS
If he thinks his
back is killing him,
he should try sitting in
here for a few minutes.
He fell for your plan,
hook, line and sinker.
That was brilliant.
Now, let's get
out of this thing.
Oh, no. We're trapped!
Don't worry. We'll
figure something out.
What if we don't?
You always have in the past.
You've gotten out of way
more dangerous things
than a wicker basket.
THEO SCREAMS
- SHE SIGHS - That
was different.
I had the Staff of Osiris.
But what if we can't get out?
What if I can't change myself
back from being an old lady?
We can still be friends.
You can teach me how to knit.
Just cos I'm old doesn't
mean I know the difference
between a stockinette
and a purl stitch.
Oh, wow! I really
do know everything.
SHE SIGHS Except how
to change myself back.
What a fabulous collection.
Do you think your parents would
mind if I borrowed a few of these?
Take whatever you
like, Theo always does.
Where is she? I
want to say hello.
She's, er I'll go find her.
I'll come with you. No.
I'm supposed to be
cleaning up downstairs.
Can you keep Granny busy
while I go find Theo?
You better not be long.
Theo, are you there?
Henry!
Over here.
What are you doing in
there? Nigella's here.
You didn't tell her
about magic, did you?
Yeah, I told her all about it.
She can't wait to read your spell
book and meet the 60-year-old you.
You didn't! Of course I
didn't, I'm not an idiot.
She doesn't know a thing.
- SHE SIGHS - Hurry
up and let us out.
OK, OK, keep your old hair on.
WILL LAUGHS
Oh, come on, that was funny.
Look, if I do this,
you have to forgive me
for you missing Mum
and Dad leaving.
We haven't got time for this.
I've got to find a spell to change
myself back before it's too late!
Yeah, fair enough.
HENRY GRUNTS
Blimey! How many of
you are in there?
Just get us out.
Oh, yeah.
I forgive you.
Yikes. I've seen
walnuts less wrinkly.
They're laughter lines
from your hilarious jokes.
May I give you a hand Granny?
I'm old, Will, not incapable.
SHE GROANS
SHE SIGHS
OK.
Oh, dear me.
So, Nigella, just a
few more artefacts
I'd really like you to see.
Absolutely.
Nigella!
Nigella, do you know this woman?
Well, I'll, er I'll grant
she has excellent dress sense,
but I've no idea who she is.
Me neither.
I've never seen her before
Oh, wait. I know you.
My mistake. I'm
terrible with faces.
Well, Nigella, aren't you going
to introduce me to your friend?
Oh. I feel faint.
We need smelling salts.
But of course.
Clive!
Oh, where is he?
Clive!
So, what's going on here?
It's, uh Well,
it's complicated.
Where's Theo?
She'll be here soon.
Hopefully.
Please, we could
really use your help.
All clear.
Perfect. Thanks, Nigella.
Madder roots crushed.
What's next?
Snail slime.
Did you know that snails can
sleep for up to three years?
HENRY AND WILL: There's no
time for that now, Theo.
Any progress on the cuneiform?
Just about done.
Oh, dear.
It's nothing but
garbled nonsense.
It must be written in code.
Grandad really didn't
want anybody reading this.
OK, then, hurry up and
turn yourself back already.
Granny could be here any second.
Pennywort.
And the cup pieces.
And that should be the lot.
Hear me, ancients.
GRANNY: Where on earth
can they have gone?
Nigella?
KNOCKS ON DOOR, CLEARS THROA
Nigella!
CLEARS THROA
Oh, where is everyone?
Across the sands,
thine will be undone.
THEY LAUGH
Theo?