Arthur (1996) s01e17 Episode Script

1
Every day when you're
walking down the street ♪
Everybody that you meet
has an original point of view. ♪
( laughs )
And I say hey! ♪
Hey!
What a wonderful kind of day ♪
If we could learn
to work and play ♪
And get along
with each other ♪
You got to listen
to your heart ♪
Listen to the beat ♪
Listen to the rhythm,
the rhythm of the street ♪
Open up your eyes,
open up your ears ♪
Get together and make things
better by working together ♪
It's a simple message
and it comes from the heart ♪
Believe in yourself ♪
For that's the place
to start ♪
And I say hey! ♪
Hey!
What a wonderful kind of day ♪
If we could learn
to work and play ♪
And get along
with each other. ♪
Hey!
What a wonderful kind of day ♪
Hey! What a wonderful
kind of day. ♪
Hey!
ARTHUR:
Hey, D.W.
Hey!
Whoa!
( crash )
Francine's done
some goofy things.
Once she tried to break
the world's
hand-walking record.
FRANCINE:
Arthur, over here!
I'm open.
ARTHUR:
Once she decided
the best time to practice
was on the roof at sunrise.
( loud drumming )
WOMAN:
The building's collapsing.
MAN:
No, it's somebody playing drums.
( drumming continues )
That only lasted one day.
One time she decided to make
a life-sized painting of
an elephant in her bedroom.
Francine!
Not bad.
Accurate
proportions.
That's not the weirdest
thing she's done.
Last week, Francine
did something
that nobody could believe.
( gong sounds )
Aah!
Hey!
I'm on your team!
Yes!
Cheer up, we're
doing great!
Who's "we"?
Nobody but you
gets to play.
Binky's team is tough.
Here's the puck
if you want to lose.
You're so rude,
Francine Frensky.
I guess the truth hurts.
Muffy, shoot!
No, pass it to me!
Yeah!
( cheering )
We lost.
I hope
you're happy.
How is it my fault?
Why did you tell
Muffy to shoot?
You know she's
the worst player.
We're just lucky
there's a game
next week.
Where'd Muffy go?
Wait up!
Are you mad?
Maybe I'd play better
if you gave me
the chance to play.
You take
the fun out
of everything.
You're like a walking
poke in the eye.
I'm one of the
nicest people around.
If you don't know
that, you're a dope.
I am, am I?
I'll bet you
this Princess Peach watch
that you've always liked
that you couldn't be nice
for one entire week.
I bet I can.
Okay, then.
You have to be pleasant
for one entire week, Francine
and you can't
tell anyone why.
Why would I?
They won't even notice
a difference.
( beeping )
Where did you get
that weird sweater?
My Aunt Bonnie.
My other
one's dirty
so I got stuck
wearing it.
( girls laughing )
BUSTER:
Uh-oh.
Watch out.
Here comes Francine.
You're never going
to hear the end of it.
Um, Arthur,
that sweater
( clears throat )
Um
( watch beeping )
What about it?
It's nice.
Whew!
( beeping )
FRANCINE:
Two men in scoring position.
Who's up?
I am.
Let me
bat for you
unless you'd rather bat.
You just look
a little tired.
Feel okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Do you feel okay?
Yes, thank you
for asking.
( beeping )
Hey, you have to see this.
ARTHUR:
What's she doing?
Okay, now you try it.
( grunting )
Muffy, can't you
do anything
wrong?
That was near perfect.
Weird.
Have you noticed
something
about Francine?
Yeah-- she replaced
my football
that she threw
down the sewer.
That's nothing.
She replaced a glass of juice
she drank last summer.
My good pants!
Sorry.
Am I still invited over
for dinner?
( grumbling )
Yes.
She ripped my good pants.
Are you as
impressed as I am
by the durability
of brick?
I'll be over
at 5:30.
There are three days
three hours
and 32 minutes left
in the bet.
Want to call it off?
No, just take good
care of my watch.
( sighs )
( clears throat )
Father
let me help you.
What?
Who said that?
You have a guest
and you wear ripped pants?
Yeah?
Well, your clothes are great!
Could you take me
shopping sometime?
Finally you have taste.
We'll go
on Saturday.
( beeping )
ARTHUR:
Francine's friendly,
helpful, pleasant
Arthur, I'm scared.
We all are, Buster.
What are you doing?
This behavior
is no good for Francine.
Allow me to demonstrate.
If someone like her
holds it in
the pressure builds
just like
In this bottle.
The longer
she holds it in
the more pressure
builds up
until she reaches
the inevitable point
when the pressure
is just too much.
( gasping )
We've got to help her
before she pops.
How?
By making her
lose her temper.
( gulps )
( cheering )
If we miss it
It'll drive
Francine nuts.
Yeah, hooray!
We did it.
She's going
to scream.
The sun
was in your eyes.
We bought you a soda.
Here.
This is cherry!
You know
I hate cherry!
But perhaps
I haven't given it
enough of a chance.
( slurping )
Francine, Binky Barnes said
he could beat you
at any sport any day.
He did?
Doesn't that
make you mad?
Don't you want to
teach him a lesson?
Perhaps he's boasting
because
he's insecure
or he practiced
very hard
and really
can beat me.
We tried.
With all
that pressure
she's definitely
going to pop.
It could happen
at any time.
TEACHER:
They soon came upon a griffin.
( echoing ):
A griffin, a griffin,
a griffin
( cork pops )
She's going
to the next town.
My, but it's a lovely day!
Wow!
Mommy, some kid's head
fell in our yard!
What a beautiful lawn!
ARTHUR:
Muffy, do you know
what's wrong
with Francine?
We're all worried
she might pop.
She'll be back
to her normal, pushy self
tomorrow afternoon
at this time.
You mean
After the playoff game?
The hockey game!
I didn't consider
the hockey game!
Why didn't you
steal it?
It would have been rude.
Oops! Excuse me.
ARTHUR:
Francine!
Distract the goalie!
Say something about his face!
That might
hurt his feelings.
Good shot, Sue Ellen.
I never knew
you played so well.
You haven't scored
all season, have you?
Hmm no.
Take a shot.
Francine!
I'm just trying to be nice.
There's only
37 minutes
left in the bet.
I declare you
the winner.
I can last.
Besides, you were right.
Everyone plays well
if I'm nice.
including
the other team!
Here's the watch.
Now, get mean!
Thank you for the watch
but I feel
it's only right
I last the final
Ohh!
( gasps )
Muffy!
We've got the old
Francine back!
And she let someone
else score a goal.
So her head
won't pop off?
I'm glad
you're back.
You were getting
quite boring.
Me, boring?
What's the matter
with you?
If you think
I'm boring
Francine
Come on, let's go
inform Binky
he's buying me
a new watch.
KIDS:
And now
"Dear Francine--
you should be nicer to Arthur
and all the other kids."
"Dear Francine--
you need a lesson
on how to be nice."
"Dear Francine--
please try to be
a lot nicer."
"You were mean to Arthur.
"You need to learn some manners
to use when you are
with your friends."
"Francine, you have
to let other people play
if they are on your team."
"when you make fun of Arthur
you hurt his feelings.
Arthur does not like it."
"Say good things
to him and his friends."
"You should be nice
to other people."
"Help your friends
when they are in trouble."
"And if you don't
learn to be nice
No one will want to
play with you at all."
I'm Cassandra.
I'll be Francine.
"Be nice
to your friends.
This is
how to be nice."
"Francine, I like you
when you are nice
and share your books
with your friends."
Stop making fun of
people who wear glasses
because one day you may
have to wear glasses.
"Don't steal the hockey puck
from your teammates.
They will pass the puck
when it is your turn."
"Francine, pass the ball
to your teammates
and don't make fun of Arthur."
Francine, we love you.
KIDS:
And now
Did you hear?
Arthur gleeps stuff.
Arthur gleeps reams.
What?
( playing classical tune )
Arthur keeps beans.
Arthur is sweet
on Francine, man.
Break.
Arthur eats
fancy Spam ♪
Arthur eats
fancy Spam. ♪
Did you hear?
Arthur gleeps Spam.
He's tough.
( gasps )
Arthur gleeps stuff.
Oops.
Most of the time you don't know
how stories get started
but I know exactly
who started this one
( whispers ):
Me.
( thunder )
Come on,
let's get a seat
before we have
to sit at
BOTH:
The tough customer table.
( groans )
( growls )
( chuckles )
( food splats )
( grunting )
Uh, hi, Binky.
Uh huh? Oh, hi.
What are
you doing here?
Hey, Binky,
who's your friend?
He looks like a goofus.
I'm not a goofus.
He never skipped a Louie.
A what?
( chuckles )
I bet he never pulled a fizzer.
I bet he never
gleeped anything.
( laughing )
Arthur has gleeped
more things than
all of you combined.
ALL:
Huh?
You have?
Yeah, I guess so.
You guess so
nothing.
You're looking at
the world's greatest gleeper.
Gee whiz, sorry,
I didn't know.
Buster, what does
"gleep" mean?
I don't know.
Whatever it is,
it must be pretty tough.
Gleep: a slang term
meaning purloin, filch, rifle,
in short, steal.
Steal?
Steal?
BUSTER:
Relax, buddy,
it's not like
you really
stole anything.
But what if
everybody thinks I did?
How will they know?
BINKY
Arthur!
Here come the tough customers.
Hey, Arthur, we want
to talk to you
at our headquarters.
Uh, well, I guess
we can take
our baseball cards
over there.
The rabbit stays.
( gulps )
So, Arthur,
what you said at lunch
about how you gleeped
a lot of stuff?
More than all of us?
Um, uh
Well, see
We want to make you
a tough customer.
Inaugurate you
into our society.
A tough customer-- me?
Sure, with all
you've gleeped
you could teach us
something.
Yeah, is it true
you gleeped
Mr. Haney's tie?
( all talking at once )
Uh, to get on with the ceremony.
Raise your right hand
Hey, listen to me.
( bell rings )
Let's split.
Recess is over.
Ever since lunchtime
everyone is treating me
completely different.
Ah, come on,
Arthur.
You're probably
just imagining
things.
Oh, excuse me.
It's all I have,
Arthur.
Please don't hurt me.
Hey, thanks,
uh sir.
( chuckles )
Probably just
a coincidence.
For my first choice
I pick the
toughest kid
in the whole
school-- Arthur.
Huh?
( nervous
chuckle )
That's funny.
Why'd she pick Arthur?
BUSTER:
We take Binky.
She picked him
because he's the biggest
gleeper in school.
MOLLY:
We take
Francine.
And he breaks through.
They can't stop him.
FRANCINE:
Arthur
Binky said you were
the biggest
gleeper.
I almost believed him.
What's so funny about that?
You're just not
the gleeping type.
Is that so?
I've gleeped
lots of stuff.
I'm a regular gleeping machine.
Right, Molly?
Hmm
Arthur Read,
if I had
just to prove
you were
Gleeped? Why you
I will never speak
to you again.
Just goes to show
who your real
friends are
Huh, Art?
So, Arthur,
we were wondering
you know how you gleeped
Mr. Ratburn's socks?
I heard they were
full of holes.
Mr. Ratburn's socks?
Well, actually
He wouldn't wear no
socks full of holes.
He's a very upstanding
kind of guy.
Hey!
( laughing )
( grumbling )
( commotion )
Take this, you guy.
What I want
to know is
how did you get them off
while he was wearing them?
That's what impresses me.
Actually, Molly,
I never
Tell anyone your
gleeping secrets?
Good policy.
I'm glad to see
you're having fun
with your
new friends.
WOMAN:
Arthur,
I didn't know
you were interested
in meditation.
I was just thinking.
Mrs. MacGrady, can I ask you
a question?
Shoot.
If somebody said
you did something
but you didn't
know what it was
and it turned out
to be something bad
but made people
think you were cool
is it okay not exactly
to say you did it
but not to say
you didn't do it?
I'm sorry, Arthur
I don't know what
you're talking about.
But if you explained it
more slowly
MUFFY:
There he is,
arrest him.
And make
him give it back.
Lock him up and
throw away the key.
Now, now, Muffy,
calm down.
What in Nirvana
is going on?
Arthur stole
my cellular phone.
What, why would I?
I did not!
Did, too.
Everybody knows
you're the biggest
gleeper here.
Biggest what?
Gleeper--
someone who steals.
Make him give it back.
Torture him until he confesses.
Send him up the river for life.
Take away his TV privileges.
( phone rings )
Make him eat oh!
Excuse me.
Hello, Muffy here.
Oh, hi, Mommy.
Yes, I told
Mr. Haney
about my manicure
appointment Friday.
Could I see you in my office?
Make yourself
comfortable.
I was rather upset
when Muffy called you
the biggest beeper
beeper, yes?
In school.
Lollipop?
No, thank you, sir.
Now, if we believed
everything we heard
We'd probably think the world
was full of monsters
and sea serpents.
People would be afraid
to go swimming
which would be a shame
since swimming is a
good form of exercise.
I do it myself.
But bleeping
that's something serious.
If you have anything
to do with it
I warn you to
stop immediately
because you will
get caught.
Then you'll be
in deep trouble.
Yes, sir.
Did I say that right?
Bleeping?
Blurping?
Gleeping, sir.
Gleeping, of course.
( bell rings )
Run along
now, Arthur.
So what did
he do to you?
Well, nothing,
he just warned me.
Did you tell him
where to get off?
You old con artist.
I bet you had him going
in circles.
Listen, there's something
I have to tell you.
I bet you sold out on us.
He told him
all about us.
Why didn't Mr. Haney punish him?
( growls )
Arthur, you didn't
Did you?
Didn't what?
I mean, no!
You little cheat.
You little squealer.
I ought to
But I didn't, I didn't.
Ow, stop it!
If you didn't, why
don't you prove it?
Prove you are
our chief gleeper.
How?
Gleep all
the ice cream bars
from the cafeteria.
( door squeaks )
Uh!
( clanking )
( gasps )
I can't believe I'm doing this.
I'm a bit
surprised
myself.
Mrs. MacGrady!
I didn't notice
you there.
"When meditating,
be as motionless as a stone
as silent as a block of wood."
Lao-Tzu.
You should take me
to Mr. Haney
so he can expel me.
Now, why would
I want to do that?
I was stealing
the ice cream bars.
And?
And that's
against the law.
Why?
If everybody did it
there wouldn't be
ice cream for anyone.
So it's bad for
everyone, really.
In that case,
why would you do it?
I guess I wouldn't.
The tough customers
will pulverize me.
How can I explain this?
Arthur, if you can tell them
what you just told me
I'm sure they'll understand.
You big liar!
You lied!
You're just
a ly-ie liar
you big lying
lie-face.
I hope you've
learned your lesson
which is never to lie.
Because when you lie
you are doing a bad thing.
FRANCINE:
Hi, Arthur.
I want to say I'm glad
you told the truth.
You want to
play kickball?
Yeah, sure,
come on, Binky.
Come on, Arthur.
I'm not mad
at you anymore.
What a wonderful
kind of day ♪
If we could learn
to work and play ♪
And get along
with each other ♪
You got to listen
to your heart ♪
Listen to the beat ♪
Listen to the rhythm,
the rhythm of the street ♪
It's a simple message
and it comes from the heart ♪
Believe in yourself ♪
For that's the place
to start ♪
And I say hey! ♪
Hey! What a wonderful
kind of day ♪
If we could learn
to work and play ♪
And get along
with each other ♪
Hey! What a wonderful
kind of day! ♪
Hey! ♪