Bewitched (1964) s01e17 Episode Script

Sam? I think I forgot to lock the back door.
- I'll do it.
- No, I'll do it.
- Oh, no, sweetheart, you're too tired.
- Well, so are you.
I'll do it from here.
No, no, never mind.
No hocus-pocus, I'll do it.
All right, darling.
Darrin! Darrin.
- Darrin.
Oh, Darrin.
- I think I sprained my ankle.
Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
- Don't apologize, it's not your fault.
- It is my fault.
I just remembered I already locked the back door.
Beautiful.
Samantha! Oh, not again.
Please let it be my imagination.
Samantha! It isn't.
Yes, darling, I hear you.
What do you want? - A pencil.
- A pencil.
Pencil.
Cigarettes, lighter, magazines.
- Pencil.
- Oh, thank you.
I'm sorry I had to bother you again.
How many trips does this make, 15? Twenty-seven.
But who counts? "Whoever finds this, I love you.
Please bring me another pencil.
" Oh, Darrin.
Thank you.
A, N Samantha! - Did you call me? - I did.
Sit down.
I wanna talk to you.
- When? - Now.
Darrin, before you get angry, please be fair.
You sailed something down to me, right? It was only fair that I sail a little something back up to you.
What I did was not only extremely clever and humorous it was aerodynamically sound.
What you did was witchcraft, premeditated and uncalled for merely to irritate me.
Well, when you put it that way, I do feel terribly guilty but I was just too tired to dash up the stairs again.
I have been running you ragged, haven't I? - No.
I only limp when I hurry.
- Maybe we should hire a nurse.
- What for? - Not a very pretty nurse, of course.
- You don't need a nurse.
- Oh, not for me, for you.
I don't need a nurse either.
All I need is a little help to - Darrin, I have an idea.
- What sort of an idea? An idea of how to solve the servant problem around here.
What are you talking about? What if I were downstairs and you wanted a glass of water? - Yeah? - Go ahead, ask for it.
I've told you 100 times, I don't want any of that nonsense.
You'd rather I ran up and down stairs all day? - No, of course not.
- Then, Darrin let me have the house cooperate with you.
- Cooperate? - Please, darling? It would be so much easier.
- Well, what am I supposed to do? - Ask for something.
- Anything at all? - Anything we've got.
Do we have any bananas? All right.
- Banana, come.
Darrin.
- You don't have to sound like Tarzan.
Well, I never talked to a banana before.
Well, some of us got it, some of us ain't.
Something's out of whack.
I'll go see.
- Mother.
- Hello, darling.
That's Darrin's banana.
How was I to know? It was just floating by.
- It was on its way upstairs.
- Upstairs? - Whatever are you talking about? - Oh, just a minute.
- No, no, no.
Upstairs, hurry.
- What is this all about? - Darrin called for it, you intercepted.
- He called for it? - Don't tell me he's a convert.
- No, of course not.
I arranged for the house to cooperate with him while he's recuperating.
Excuse me.
Well, well, well.
It's Adam and the apple all over again.
Window, open.
Window, close.
Drapes, close.
Drapes, open.
Window, halfway open.
Lunch.
I'd like a baked ham and Swiss cheese sandwich on wheat bread double order of potato salad, sweet pickles, hold the mustard.
Samantha, when you make a mistake, you do make a lulu.
- What mistake? - Oh, you just wait, you'll see.
You see? There, now, it's started.
Mother, I've been running up and down stairs all day.
- Darrin's doing that to help me.
- Oh, yes.
Don't you realize, Samantha, you've given him the proverbial inch? Opened up the forbidden can of peas, poked the hole in the dike.
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- You've given him a taste of power.
Now he'll want more and more and more.
- Not Darrin.
- Oh, if he's mortal, he's greedy.
He's not greedy.
He's hungry.
He's hungry-greedy.
Just a minute.
Today lunch, tomorrow the world.
- Hi, darling.
- Hello, sweetheart.
- How are you feeling? - Marvellous.
I've never had more fun in my life.
How about you? Exhausted.
But I finished everything.
This is the last of the ironing.
Good.
Book, back to the living room.
And remember my place.
- Sit down, sweetheart.
- Oh, I'll be back as soon as I put the towels away.
- Never mind that.
Towels, put yourselves away.
That's pretty good, huh? Sit down, darling, I wanna talk to you.
You know, I have been thinking, and I have come to a conclusion.
I've been selfish, stupid and unreasonable and I wanna ask your forgiveness.
- I don't know what you're talking about.
Well, when we were married, you tried to fit your way into my scheme of life.
- I love you.
I want you to be happy.
- But what did I want? I wanted you to give up everything natural to you.
I said, "No more witchcraft, give it up.
" Isn't that what I said? Yes, but I understand.
That's because you kept an open mind.
But not me.
No, my mind was closed, just like a clam shell.
But that's all over.
Cigarette, please.
- Over? - Yes.
From now on, you use that power whenever and wherever you want to.
Light, please.
- Darrin, you don't really mean that.
- I most certainly do.
Why have I said to you, " No witchcraft.
Don't help me, don't help yourself"? Why? I ask you, why? Well, I'll tell you why.
It was ego.
If I couldn't do it, I didn't want you to.
If I couldn't give something to you, I didn't want you to have it.
Ego, pure ego.
Simple as that.
Darling, that's not ego, that's the way it should be.
- Not if you have to suffer for it.
- I'm not suffering.
- You don't have a fur coat.
- Lots of women don't have fur coats.
- Louise Tate has a fur coat.
- She can afford it.
We can't.
- You mean I can't.
- I'd just as soon wait until you could.
That's just my ego talking again, Sam.
Will you please stop being so considerate of my inconsiderateness.
I guess Mother was right.
Really? Hi, Mom.
Oh, how are you, dear boy? You were saying? Well, I do understand.
Mothers want the best for their daughters.
Nothing unusual about that.
You're being quite sensible about the whole situation.
There you are.
I can see that.
After all, isn't that what you always wanted? - Harmony in the family? - Of course.
All right.
If that's the way it has to be.
What sort of a fur coat would you like me to have? One that's every bit as nice as the one Louise wears, because you deserve it.
- You look positively beautiful, Sam.
- Doesn't she, though.
- Thank you.
- Doesn't she have marvellous taste? - Darrin, isn't it? - That's right.
- What else do you need, Sam? - Darrin I don't need anything.
- Of course you do.
- I want you to have everything.
- I don't want everything.
- Oh, yes, you do.
- Now, now, children, don't quarrel.
I think it's very touching, seeing young people exchanging tokens of each other's affection.
Forget about that.
I don't want a thing.
Mother, will you stop provoking and please leave.
Sam, don't talk that way to your mother.
I don't want a thing.
Except Now, I think I must be flying along.
Good night, all.
See you soon.
A yo-yo.
- A what? - A whistling yo-yo.
When I was a kid, I wanted a whistling yo-yo more than anything.
And a pocket-knife with eight blades.
Never got one of those either.
Or a.
22 calibre rifle.
I always did want one of those.
And a double-breasted suit and a cashmere coat and a great big Well, why not, Sam? Why not? I can't believe it.
I just can't believe it.
It doesn't make any sense, Darrin.
You're too young to retire.
Larry, I've thought about it very carefully.
Now, look, Darrin, I know that pain can drive men mad.
It's only a sprained ankle.
It's not that painful.
Then what have you been taking? Something's making you walk on your heels.
There's nothing idiotic about wanting to travel, having the finer things.
What's wrong with retiring while you're young enough to enjoy it? Well, just where are you gonna get the money for all this, anyway? Well, I came into a little something.
Well, what about the firm? What about me? - You can find somebody to replace me.
- Oh, sure, just like that, huh? Well, maybe not that easy.
You think not? Well, let me tell you that no one is indispensable.
- That's what I said.
- Yes.
- Well, don't you ever forget it, either.
- I won't, Larry.
Oh, Darrin, I'm too upset to make any decisions now.
I'll have to think about it.
Larry, it's not your decision, it's mine.
Well, that's a pretty selfish attitude, if you ask me.
And let me tell you something, one of these days you may be sorry.
- Sorry about what? - Oh, let him tell you.
- Hello, sweetheart.
- Larry, don't go.
I can't listen to any more.
How am I gonna tell Louise? Darrin, did you and Larry have a fight? No, of course not.
Then what? Come here.
- Sam.
- Yes? - I quit.
- Quit? - Well, retired might be a better word.
- Darrin, what about your career? We are going to be my career from now on.
I'm going to spend all my time with you doing the things we wouldn't be able to do for 20 years.
There's nothing wrong with that, is there? No, I suppose not.
I tried to tell Larry, but he's too interested in his own problems.
- Now, what have you been up to? - Oh, just shopping.
Good.
When's dinner? I've got a king-sized appetite.
- King-sized? - Right.
While you whip up dinner, I'll finish some business I have to attend to.
All right, Mother, all right.
I put my foot in it.
But it wasn't necessary for you to add yours.
I think it was.
The ugliest human disease of all is greed.
I think it's about time you were exposed.
I can't expect Darrin to behave any differently.
It's a phase he was bound to go through sooner or later.
Phase? My fat Aunt Harriet.
Well a great many human diseases have stimulated a great many cures.
And I think I may have found one.
It's known as "too much of a good thing.
" Samantha, what happened to dinner, darling? Samantha.
Well, look at you.
- Like it? - It's magnificent.
All new stuff? Oh, yes, it is.
But this is nothing.
The closets upstairs are full, yours too.
Suits, coats, trousers, shirts, everything.
You didn't have to go to all that trouble.
See, I figured on seeing a tailor when we got to London.
- London? - Yes, that's my surprise.
- We're going around the world.
- Marvellous.
When? On our sixth anniversary.
Day after tomorrow, we've been married six months.
Oh, yes, that's right.
London, Paris, Rome, Cairo and Hong Kong.
We can spend two weeks in each place, and then back home.
Home? Oh, darling, no, why home? South America, Rio, Buenos Aires, Montevideo.
Well, I thought we should rest up a bit first.
Well I have another idea.
We won't get the least bit tired, and it'll save us a lot of time.
- What is it? - I could arrange to have memories of those places, and we don't have to leave.
I don't think that's such a good idea, Sam.
Why not? It's so much easier.
But there'd be nothing to look forward to.
Half of the fun in doing is anticipating.
I hadn't thought of that.
I guess maybe you're right.
Well, sure.
Besides, we'll have plenty to do when we get back getting settled in the new house.
- New house? Yes, I thought we'd sell this one and then get ourselves a real house.
Well, I think that's a wonderful idea.
A big, roomy, marvellous house with lots of creamy marble and crystal chandeliers and sunken bathtubs.
And balconies.
Oh, I just adore balconies.
With a breathtaking view.
- Not on the flat, like this house.
- I thought you liked this house.
Oh, I do, sweetheart.
Why, this house was just fine.
But things are gonna be different from now on.
I guess they are, aren't they? - Mr.
Stephens? - Yes.
This is Westridge Realty, Mr.
Stephens.
We'd lik e to show your place.
Possibly open house tomorrow? Well, yes.
Yes, that might be a good idea.
Yes, we'll be back sometime this summer.
Yes, thank you.
Goodbye.
Darrin? Darrin, who was that? This is for you.
For me? - From whom? - From me.
Oh, Darrin, they're beautiful.
"Happy sixth.
Love, Darrin.
" What's in here? Nothing much.
I bought that a long time ago.
Well, just a couple of weeks, actually, but it seems like a long time ago.
It's beautiful.
Compared to what you have upstairs, it's kind of a silly little thing.
"I love you every second.
" Silly, huh? Darrin, I love you.
I'll go anywhere you want me to go, I'll live anywhere you want me to live but please believe me, this watch and these flowers are the most important things that I've ever had in my whole life.
- All right, sweetheart.
- But I want you to understand.
I do, Sam, I do understand.
Nobody's gonna take them away from you.
Sam, I've done a lot of thinking about the past few days.
I don't know if I'm too crazy about the idea of never having to worry about anything anymore.
Might be a good idea to worry about where your next meal's coming from.
It gives you a chance to work up an appetite.
Oh, you do understand.
Yeah.
But I'm not made of steel, Sam, and I've got a pretty good memory.
I don't know if I can get the taste of the past few days out of my mouth.
Unless Sam, can you do one more thing for me? If I can.
Can you take me back before all this nonsense started? If you want it badly enough, I think I can.
I do.
And, lady, if you ever twitched in your life, do it now.
"Whoever finds this, I love you.
Please bring me another pencil.
" Samantha! Coming right up, darling.
Sam.
- I did it again.
- What? Forgot to lock the back door.
I didn't.
It's locked.
- You sure? - Positive.
- Good night, sweetheart.
- Good night, darling.