Big Nate (2022) s01e17 Episode Script

1
[bell rings]
- [sighs]
Hey, it's the last
day before spring break,
which means
a week without Jenny,
the girl of my dreams.
She even comes with
a cool magical halo effect.
[shimmering tone]
- Ahh, get them off!
Get them off!
- [grunting]
- It's okay, kids.
I've got my pigeon net. Ah.
[birds squawking]
[rumbling, people screaming]
Perhaps we'll cut today's
still life lesson short
and just watch some TV.
- [sighs] You guys know me.
I love when teachers put
on educational videos,
but not during
my favorite subject, art.
I mean, I'd much rather
be drawing right now--
[gasps]
Oh, my sweet baby hyenas!
NARRATOR: A disruptor
is something,
or on this case, someone, who
interferes with the structure
of the system it belongs to.
One of nature's
most reliable disruptors
is the spotted hyena.
And for the animal
kingdom of Namibia,
they are a big pain
in the behind.
[crunching]
[all scream]
- Awesome!
[upbeat music]
Don't wanna go
to school today
The sun is red hot,
and I wanna play
But if I get caught
they'll make me pay
Detention again
- Big Nate, Big Nate
- Math and social studies
just ain't my thing
- Big Nate, Big Nate
- Rocking with my band
is where I'm king
Stealing the teacher's teeth
or bailing on a test
- Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Big Nate
[loud clang]
[loud crash]
[bell ringing]
["Cum on Feel the Noize"
playing]
[all cheering]
- Ohh, yeah!
Spring break, baby!
You wanna come over tomorrow?
I found a new fire ant hill
in the backyard.
Figured we could relocate it
to Ellen's underwear drawer.
- Can't. I'm heading on
a road trip with the parentals.
- We tried that once,
but the motels
in my dad's price range
were a little sketchy.
[door creaking]
[eerie music]
[toilet flushing]
[growls]
- Did that rat just--
- Yeah.
And there's also
a clown in the bed.
[eerie laughter]
- We're more of
a staycation kinda fam now.
So where are you guys headed?
- The "Highway to Hodag".
Which is actually
just a normal highway
to Rhinelander, Wisconsin.
- Oh. And what's a Hodag?
- Only a super cool ancient
creature from the 1700s.
- Huh?
- Said to have
the head of a frog,
the grinning face
of an elephant,
and the back of a stegosaurus.
Legend tells
of the Hodag roaming
the woods of Rhinelander
to this very day.
- Ohh.
Oh, wow.
That sounds amazing.
My family's never gone on
a vacation as cool as that.
[sad music]
[whimpering]
- Ah, I can't believe
I'm saying this,
but, uh, you wanna
come with us, Nate?
- Whoa! Oh, I thought
you'd never ask!
- [chuckles]
all: I've been workin'
on the railroad
All the live long day
- Hit us with that famous
freestyle, Mrs. Pope.
- My pleasure, Mr. Pope.
I'm Mrs. Pope
and I fix up teeth
I bring in the charm
and I mean no harm
I will not boss ya
if you make sure to floss-uh
Working in the dentist's
office all the live long day
- All right, fam.
What's next on the schedge?
- Uh, looks like,
"Give my Regards to Broadway,"
by George M. Cohan.
- Wow!
So you guys plan out
all of the songs
for your trips?
- Sure do. A mix
for no family bickering
once we get on the road.
- And more time for fun.
[beeping]
Oh, honey, looks like it's
almost my turn at the wheel.
- And not a second too soon.
Mama Pope has to
drop off a package
in the little girls' room.
[tires screech]
- Ah, ahh, ohh, ohh.
- Wow, you guys really
figured it all out.
I mean,
even the car temperature
is set to a perfect 72 degrees,
with a slight breeze
from the east.
[wind gusts]
- Yeah, but sometimes I wish
we could be a little more
"go with the flow."
[beeping]
Time for me to go
to the bathroom now.
[carnival music playing]
- Yeah-ha-ha!
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
- Who's ready
to get their Hodag on?
[all laugh]
- Haunted Hodag Hayride, folks.
Guaranteed to see a real Hodag,
or you get a partial refund.
- Whoo-hoo-hoo!
- Whoa, a real-life Hodag!
This place
is mind-blowingly cool.
If only my dad
could see me now.
[razor buzzing]
- Huh?
Ahh!
- Ugh!
So what should we do next?
Grab some world
famous Hodag hotdogs?
[all laughing]
- Whatever.
What's so funny?
- Lunch isn't slotted
for another hour, ya goof.
We still have
60 more minutes
of Hodagging before then.
- Sweet! You know,
I think I can really
get behind this whole
structured vacation thing.
- Oh, we're like this
at home, too.
- Where you're welcome
to join us any time, Nate.
Any time.
Any time!
["We Are Family" playing]
- We are family
I've got all
my sisters and me
- [laughing]
- [growls]
- [screams]
- We are family
- [laughs]
- [screams]
- [grunting]
- We are family
- [screams]
[all laugh]
- Best week of my life!
[shutter clicks]
- We are family
- Hey, Dad, uh, can you turn
that thing off for a second?
I'm calling a family meeting.
- It's a newspaper, son.
You can't--
Uh, sure
I'll turn it off.
Bleep, bloop, boop, boop.
[imitates machine
shutting down]
Ellen, family meeting!
- Right here, Dad.
[texting]
- Okay, gang.
I'm about to change our lives.
I'm gonna teach you about
[imitating drum roll]
Structure!
- Okay, from the genius who
tried to build a tree house
out of frozen waffles?
- [laughs] Yes.
I wanna start scheduling
our days more efficiently
and free up time for more fun.
That means you, Dad, need
to plan ahead for dinner.
- All right.
I'll admit,
soy sauce and crouton night
wasn't my finest moment.
But I can plan.
- Okay, great!
Then as orderly and organized
as possible, let's eat and have
ourselves a movie night.
- You're on!
Now, if you mix the
different cereals together,
you get a whole new flavor
experience every night.
Observe:
[munching]
- I'm going to my room.
NARRATOR: While the antelope's
long legs
may help them jump high,
they are ill-prepared
for the inexorable ambush.
- Notice the efficiency
of planning.
Instead of scrolling through
the channel guide for hours,
I picked something
we can all enjoy.
NARRATOR: Watch, now, as
the enraged predators pounce.
[animals growling]
[fighting efforts]
- It's my turn with the--
- [grunts]
I am the Remote King!
- [screams]
[crashing]
- Ow!
[groaning]
Why don't we
just turn off the TV?
Uh, let's, like,
enjoy a family activity.
Like, I don't know,
a--a puzzle?
[both laugh]
- I'm moving in with the Popes!
- Okay, son.
Hey, bring back ice cream.
- Maybe forever.
As in, like, you know,
permanently.
- See if they have
mint chip, 'kay?
- Uh, and Mr. Eustis is
dropping off Spitsy later.
He's going to a polka
festival in Orlando.
- Ahh, the Paris of the South.
- Yeah, oui, oui.
[slams door]
Imagine all the awesomeness
that being organized
is gonna bring me.
I'll get Godfrey off my back.
[shimmering tone]
I'll become internationally
recognized for my art.
Then I can build that
awesome backyard theme park
I've always dreamed of.
[crashing]
- Yah-hoo!
NARRATOR: In rare instances,
when rejected by its own herd,
a hyena may look to enter
a new species' domain.
[doorbell dings]
- Oh, hi Nate.
Back so soon?
- You said I was welcome
at any time, right?
- Oh, yes, we did.
Come on in, pal.
[easygoing music]
- Hey what's that, Mrs. Pope?
- The official Pope Family
Activities Schedule.
Or as we call it PFAS.
- You penciling in some fun?
- We sort of pencil
in everything.
- Everything goes on
the schedule, Nate.
Francis, you've got a toenail
clipping session in 45 seconds.
- Okay, I get it.
We can do anything as long
as it's on the schedule.
- "The schedule is law.
PFAS for life."
That's our motto, Nate.
- Hmm.
- Where's Nate?
Isn't this his dog?
- Ugh, no.
It's Mr. Eustis's dog.
We're dog sitting,
don't you remember?
[squeaks]
- He left us his
garage door opener?
Well, that's weird.
Well, you must be hungry, boy.
Is this your food
or your medicine?
- Uh, I think it's food.
This stuff is written in like,
well, it's--it's in English.
It's just really boring.
- [muttering]
Chocolate diddley, yada, yada.
Ah, we'll figure it out.
- Huh?
- Now does the medicine go
in the front door
or the back porch?
- Can we just, like,
assume it's his mouth?
- Okay.
But for the record, I was game.
Wow, this thing's on tight.
- Ugh, here.
- Okay, you hold I pull.
- Let me--
- One, two--
[dramatic music]
Ahh, ooh!
- [screams]
[swallows, retches]
[vomits]
- Uh, hey, Dad?
When was the last time
that you saw Spitsy?
- Well, now that you
mention it, I have no idea.
This morning, maybe?
[dog howling in distance]
Uh-oh.
Sounds like old Spits
fell down the well again.
[laughs]
- We don't have a well, Dad.
- Hmm.
Spitsy!
- What's on the schedge, fam?
[all exclaim]
- Oh, we were just enjoying
some downtime, Nate.
- Oh, that's weird.
I don't see "downtime" on here.
[tense music]
You guys up for an activity?
- Ahh!
[plate shatters]
Ugh.
Uh, well, I'll be gluing
this plate back together now
if you'd like to join me.
- Yeah, that sounds like fun.
Ah!
Wow, I'm gonna
need a lot of glue.
- [chuckling nervously]
Oh, hey, Francis!
- Ahh!
- What's next
on the old schedge?
I'm bored.
[dog barking in distance]
[phone ringing]
- We've looked everywhere!
- It's like he's
inside the house
but also somehow
outside the house.
- [gasps]
What are you doing, Dad?
- I think he must
be in the walls.
It's the only
logical explanation.
- Okay, but I mean, isn't
there a better way to--
[grumbles]
[rooster crows]
- Uh, another
beautiful morning.
[all exclaim]
- [slurping]
- Oh, uh, hi there, Nate.
- I know what you've
all been thinking.
"We don't have time to
schedule everything for Nate."
Well, lucky for you, I took
the planning into my own hands.
[clanking]
From now on,
every minute of every day
will be scheduled by me.
- He can't do that.
Can he do that?
- There's no rules against it
in the Pope Family Charter.
- Come on Popes, we've got
some fun to get through.
The game:
"Floor is Lava."
- Okay. So our engineered
hardwood floor is hot lava?
- Oh, yeah.
So you better not fall in.
- What happens if we do?
- Well, when you do,
your skin will be scorched
and it'll, like, sluff off.
You're gonna need
a lot of grafting.
It's pretty horrific.
[all scream]
Ready? Go!
[rock music]
- Ahh!
- Uhh!
- Ohh.
- [sighs]
- [grumbles]
- [laughs]
- Okay, so, uh, what's
the play here, Fran Fran?
Jump, or drown?
- [whimpering]
- Either way, you know,
the options aren't
looking that great from here.
- Uh, Nate,
can we take a break?
[sighs]
[grunts]
- I'll tell you
when it's break time.
[beeping]
- Begin break time.
- Okay, it's break time.
Yah!
[panting]
Aren't you guys gonna join?
all: Uhh--
Come on, guys!
It's on the schedule!
I mean, seriously,
it's like I understand
the Pope family laws
better than they do.
Now, I have adjusted
the schedule
such that everyone
in the house is allocated
ten minutes in the shower
- Oh, I mean, that
doesn't seem so bad.
- Combined.
- And there it is.
[struggling efforts]
- Well done, Popes.
Well done.
- Aren't you gonna
go next, Nate?
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
I only bathe during
the full moon.
For reasons I simply
cannot go into.
- [yawns]
[crashing]
Huh, that's weird.
[gasps]
[dog howling in distance]
- It's like
the dog just vanished.
Poof, gone.
And where is Nate,
for Pete's sake?
- I think he said something
about moving in with the Popes.
But I mean, that can't
be right, can it?
- No! Where is he?
[crashing]
[muttering]
- Dad, what are you doing now?
- What if Spitsy left our
version of perceived reality,
in hopes of getting Nate back?
We could be dealing with
an auxiliary
plane of existence here.
Our home may contain
a portal to another dimension.
- Uhh, hold that thought.
All right, remember what your
therapist, Dr. Freudeline says,
"Meet your bonkers family
members at their own level.
Only then can you
hope to help them."
Okay, Dad, let's find
the entrance to that portal
or my baby brother and the
neighbor's weird dog
could be stuck in outer space
forever.
[phone ringing]
Nate?
- [indistinct chatter]
- Oh, hi! Mr. Eustis!
- [indistinct chatter]
- You're on your way back
from Orlando? Okay.
- [indistinct chatter]
- It was less humid
than you hoped, okay.
- [indistinct chatter]
- You'll be back tomorrow?
[laughs] Okay.
- I think something's
really wrong with him.
- Uh, you don't say.
- He's destroying
our lives, Son.
- I want that boy
out of my house.
[intense music]
[all gasp]
- [humming]
- Um, hey, Nate?
- I prefer Nathaniel.
- Help!
That not me out there!
Get me outta here! Please!
[thunder rumbling]
- [snoring]
Porcupines
go next to the puppets
so they can stay
in alphabetical order.
- [snoring]
[rumbling]
[gasping, panting]
- [laughs]
I'm free!
I'm free!
[gasping]
[inhaler hisses]
[doorbell dings]
[gasps]
- Hi, there.
- We're about to bend
the very fabric of reality.
So I can't buy any Girl Scout
cookies right now.
- Umm--
[dog barking in distance]
Mr. Wright,
it's me Francis.
- Francis, come in.
And actually, I would like
some Girl Scout cookies.
- Mr. Wright, I have a plan to
get both of our families back.
But I'm gonna need your help.
- [gasps] Ahh!
You can bring Nate back to us?
- I'm desperate
to bring Nate back to you.
Ahh!
- Great Scott.
This drawing is a cry for help.
Ellen, come down here!
- [grunts]
- Look, proof that
Nate's alive!
- [gasps]
If this is Nate's art,
then where is Spitsy, hm? Hmm?
- I don't know
where the dog is,
but I bet Nate does.
- Take us to him.
- Okay.
But I need something from
your house before we go.
[rock music]
- I really hope
you're right about this.
all: Hm.
- Holy smokes.
Is that my son?
- A--a little more to
the right, old chaps.
Oh, hello, former family.
Once the backyard
amusement park is completed
and our artisanal
frozen juice sticks
have been
artisanally frozen,
we will enjoy said artisanally
frozen juice sticks.
Then, allow 30 minutes
of digestion
prior to mounting
our roller coaster.
Then, and only then, we shall
dine on chocolate lasagna.
- [whimpering]
Help me.
- You guys ready?
- I said to the right,
you unlicked gibbon.
[struggling efforts]
I say, take your
filthy hands off me!
This is not on the schedule!
[grunts]
What is this
rudimentary rubbish?
Whose prints are these?
- This is your art, Nate.
You drew this stuff.
- I--I who--who is Nate?
Some kind of naive
expressionists?
- It's you. You're Nate.
And we want your old self back.
This weird, super realistic
art with a British accent,
it's not you!
- Huh?
[dramatic music]
[blubbering]
[eerie music]
- Uh, guys,
what's happening with Nate?
- Oh, I'm trying to get out!
Ahh!
Ooh!
ANNOUNCER: Big Nate
versus Nathaniel!
Three, two, one.
- Hmm.
- Uh, what's going on?
ANNOUNCER: Fight!
[video game music]
- Ah, ah, ahh! Ahh!
[screams]
- Huh?
- [grumbling]
- Huh--ahh!
[gasps]
[screams]
Uh! Yah!
- [laughs]
- Ugh, that does it.
Hey, wait a second.
- [grumbles]
- Now part of your
complete breakfast.
ANNOUNCER: Whoops.
Out of cereal.
- Should have planned
ahead for that.
- [whimpering]
[beeping]
[gasps]
[beeping]
[explosion booms]
[screams]
[grunts]
[clang]
- Please, Nate.
Come back to us.
- The world needs
your awesomeness,
[echoing] awesomeness,
awesomeness.
- They need my awesomeness!
Huh? Ooh.
- [laughs]
Stopping you is all too easy
when I follow the plan!
[crashing]
Huh?
- Try and plan for this!
- Huh?
- It's bed time, Schedule Boy.
- No!
- Uh, what--
What--what's going on?
- Nate's back?
Nate's back!
- We've always got your back!
- Oh, I missed you!
Oh, I love you so much!
Nate, don't leave me again!
- Okay, seriously,
you have to leave now.
[light music]
- Ahh, home sweet home.
- And not a second too soon.
Son, there's no easy way
for me to tell you this,
but we lost Spitsy
to an alternate universe.
- Uh, are you sure about that?
- I've never been more certain
of anything in my entire life.
- [sniffing]
[barking in distance]
- Huh?
[high-pitched whistling]
- [howls]
- [laughs]
I missed you too, buddy!
[laughs]
That's a good dog.
Yes, boy.
- We thought that thing
was the neighbor's
garage door opener.
- Nope. I told you to follow
the instructions, didn't I?
- Please don't leave us again,
Nate.
I'll buy groceries.
Ellen will be nicer to you,
won't you, honey?
- Probably not.
But the point is, Dad really
went off the rails this week,
and it was honestly
pretty scary.
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay, okay.
So what you're both saying is--
- I need help--
- You missed me!
- I never said that.
- Don't embellish, Nate.
NARRATOR: And so, you see,
nature can be quite cruel.
It knows no pity.
It can leave
its victims shaken.
[all sigh]
- We're safe.
It's going to be okay.
NARRATOR: But in the end,
balance is always
restored in
the animal kingdom.
[animal howling]
[intense electronic music]