Buck Rogers in the 25th Century s01e17 Episode Script

Hey, you're good: [Narrator.]
Princess Ardala returns with a plot to create duplicates of Buck Rogers for her own sinister purpose: Captain Buck Rogers, meet Captain Buck Rogers: As you see, Captain, you can be replaced: I want you to launch the attack against Earth immediately: What can one Buck Rogers possibly do against three? That's two down: One more to go: - Boring, Buck: Boring: - Which one? [Man Narrating.]
The year is 1987, and NASA launches the last of America's deep space probes: In a freak mishap, Ranger 3 and its pilot, Captain William "Buck'"Rogers, are blown out of their trajectory into an orbit which freezes his life-support systems: : : And returns Buck Rogers to Earth: : : [Man.]
Ship stabilized at one-quarter power: Advance to half power: Roger: Advancing to half power: [Engine Fluttering.]
I'm getting severe vibrations: I'm losing it! I'm losing it! So much for Hero Number Seven, isn't it, Kane? If you keep this up, we'll have to message my father for more posthumous medals: There is nothing wrong with my design, Princess: Of course not: Except that it kills all of our best pilots because no one can fly it: Cancel the program: Princess, your father would never agree: You know that he Sit down! I know what my father would agree to: As punishment for the way the Terrans have insulted me, I'm to be allowed to destroy any city on Earth that I wish: Without this program, Princess, it will be impossible to penetrate Terran defenses: Then stop talking and find someone who can fly your Hatchet fighter: Perhaps you: No, not you: But there is a man who would be ideal: But: : : Buck Rogers would never agree: We don't need his permission: We have Lab 23: Mm: Once we have the prototype, we can always improve on the model: That I seriously doubt: It's beautiful, Twiki: What exactly is it? [Chirping.]
Just what you ordered a ping-pool table: A ping-pool table? I ordered a Ping-Pong table, Twiki: Pool's an entirely different game: [Chirping.]
Well, there was a page missing from the construction manual: Somewhere between pong and pool I imagine, right? - What is Ping-Pong, Buck? - Oh, it's a terrific game: Two, four people uh, excuse me, entities can play it: And you simply hit the ball over the net in the middle with those two paddles: Oh, I see: Maybe: [Chirping.]
Why, Buck? Why? Because: : : It's a game: [Chuckles.]
- How quaint: - Well, let's play it: You'll get an idea how it works when you see it in action, okay? I seriously doubt that: Get over there: All right: Pick up the paddle: All right: - Now, I'll hit the ball over the net to you: You hit it right back to me, okay? - If you say so: Now remember, if the ball doesn't go over the net, you lose a point: - Ready? - Mm-hmm: [Ball Thuds, Rolls.]
- [Twiki.]
An ace, Buck? - It didn't go over the net: I won: Well, uh, that was easy: What's next, Buck? [Beeps.]
Dr: Huer: - Is Colonel Deering with you, Buck? - Right here, sir: - Colonel, would you please report to my office: - Uh, right away, sir: - And, Buck, you might find this interesting too: Huer out: - [Beeps.]
Come on, Twiki: - Our robot probes picked it up when it entered our solar system: - It's like a letter from home: No offense, Buck: But it just looks like more antique space junk to me: Can I get a look inside? Yes, if you like: Good heavens: There's an astronaut: - Who could it be, Buck? - I can't be sure: That ship was flying recon in my time: [Buck.]
We might have taken training together at NASA: I'd like to take a ship up there and get a better look: Yes, of course: Take Twiki with you in case you have trouble with the air lock entry: - [Chirping.]
- Our records show no further launches after yours, Captain Rogers: Yeah, well, your records have been off before: Yes, Buck's right: There's a capsule up there with an astronaut aboard: Come on, Twiki, let's move it: [Chirping.]
Oh, boy: Use caution, Captain Rogers: Prepare for docking: [Buck.]
Easy does it: [Sighs.]
Nothing to it: Twiki, is it safe to open this thing? [Chirping.]
It is if you push green, green, red, green: Something must be wrong: Maybe it's stuck: Can you get it open, Twiki? You got it, boss: Theo was right, Twiki: It's a trap: Let's get out of here: Hey, what's goin' on? Well, Twiki, it looks like we're about to take a trip: [Chirping.]
The question is where? Captain Rogers: How good of you to drop by: Great costume, Tigerman: You goin' trick or treatin'? Defiance: I always liked that in a man: What did you think of my ingenious invitation, Captain? - I was swept away by emotion: - Leave us: Shall I order the ambu-quad disassembled? [Chirping.]
You ever have two broken arms, buster? No: I'd like Captain Rogers's visit to be a pleasant one: After all, a friendly ear in a strange place is such a comfort: [Chirping.]
Put me down, you big ox: Well, now that we're alone, Captain: : : Why don't we make ourselves comfortable? [Liquid Pouring.]
A toast: To friendships old and new: All right, Princess, what have you got up your sleeve this time? Why nothing: : : But myself, Captain: Terrific: Look, Princess, as soon as I'm missed, the Defense Directorate is gonna send a rescue squad after me: Granted: When they discover you're missing: : : And when they figure out where you are: By then you'll have had ample time to fulfill your mission here: My mission? Princess, we have been through this twice before: - We have irreconcilable differences, remember? - No, I don't: Let's make the most of your time here, shall we? Kane, is Lab 23 ready? Yes, Princess: Excellent: We'll be there immediately: Come with me, Buck: I have someone I want to introduce you to: : : An old friend: I can't imagine a nice guy like me knowing anybody in a place like this: On the contrary, Buck: I think you'll find you both have a lot in common: Kane: [Chirping.]
Holy cow! That's you, Buck: Captain Buck Rogers, meet Captain Buck Rogers: Something you threw together in crafts class, Princess? [Kane.]
Alloy skeleton, vat-grown protoplasm: The Empire's most sophisticated minicomputer for a brain - Zygot Mark 1, which will - That's enough, Kane: [Flips Switch.]
- Fascinating likeness, except I'm alive: - So shall he be: Once he's programmed to your neural responses, Kane assures me we'll have a Captain Buck Rogers superior to the original model: [Chirping.]
Once a dummy, always a dummy: Shall we ready him for the neural duplicator, Princess? Run for it, Buck! [Man On P: A:.]
Alert:! Alert:! Intruder in Sector B:! Alert:! [Grunting.]
[Kane.]
You would be advised, Captain, to remember: : : You are only needed undamaged until the neural duplication is complete: And you would be well-advised, Kane, to keep your guards under control: Captain Rogers is not to be harmed: Yes, Princess: [Dr: Huer.]
Starfighter 1314, this is New Chicago Command: Come in, Buck: There's something wrong: I'm gonna check out a starfighter: Yes: Very well: But be careful: [Whirring.]
You look reasonably comfortable: Well, it's not exactly a sport coat and slacks, but it'll do: It's a neural capacitance suit: Do tell: Why am I wearing it? - Because, Captain, you have something we want: - I'm not feeling very generous: Wherever you've been and whatever you've done: : : Is recorded in the neural cells of your magnificent body: This suit will duplicate those neural memories for us: I pass: Negative: No thanks: Not today, Princess: Don't be nervous, Buck: It's totally painless: I'm not nervous: I just don't like the idea of your machine tiptoeing through my neural memories: Enough talk: Let's begin the search: Pleasant dreams, Captain: Ardala, I said no! - Kane, if you touch that machine, I'll - You'll what, Captain? Anaesthetize him: There, his military experience: Lock on that: Record the patterns: We found the ship: Both Buck and Twiki are gone: And there's no sign of the capsule: Then they must have boarded it: Begin a grid pattern search immediately, Colonel: Acknowledged: Deering out: Any data from that robot probe, Doctor? The probe routinely recorded a ship's arrival at those coordinates, obviously Buck's shuttle: Twenty minutes later, the probe logged a departure from that area: The capsule: But its power should have been exhausted a century ago: - Display: - [Beeping.]
This is an electromagnetic pattern the fingerprint of the capsule's drive: - Any known pattern? - [Beeping.]
This readout is characteristic of the Draconian Imperial drive units: - [Beeping.]
- They match: That wasn't a space relic after all: It was an Imperial trap: What have they done with Buck? What's going on? That's not very neighborly: As a matter of fact, that's not even friendly: Look at those reaction times: They're twice that of Draconian norms: It's absolutely incredible: - Not as incredible as my Zygot will be: - I seriously doubt that: If you doubt me, why are you aiding me? Because it amuses me, Kane: We have enough data: Terminate the illusion: [Typing.]
[Ardala On P: A:.]
Bravo, Captain: All right: You fooled me, Ardala: But fighting holographic images isn't like the real thing: On the contrary, Captain Rogers: We created holographic situations which are twice as critical as the real thing: We recorded your every marvelous response: My Zygots will be most appreciative: Guards, take Captain Rogers back to his cell: He must be very tired: [Chirping.]
Why are they doing this? They're programming that Zygot to be me: Then they're gonna send it back to Earth: What for, Buck? What are they trying to do? I wish I knew: Your father should be very pleased with your addition to his suggestion that we destroy New Chicago: Yes: It will be much easier dealing with Earth: : : Once we do away with that stuffy Dr: Huer: : : And that detestable Colonel Deering: You are truly your father's daughter: Everything is ready: Shall we go? - Not yet: Bring Rogers to me: - What for? You are not to question my orders, Kane! Ever:! Yes, Princess! - You sent for me? - I did, indeed: Make yourself comfortable: I need to make a decision, Buck: And I need your help: Another test? Not exactly: Not everything has to be work: Some things are simply pleasure: I may be a Draconian princess, but I still have feelings: If I told you that I'd adjusted to the idea that our relationship was one-sided, that your feelings for me would never be as intense as my feelings for you, would you simply be my consort? Not your husband? No: Not your slave? No, Buck: Never: I'm sorry: I can't: But how can you reject me? I'm a Draconian princess: Buck! Look at me! Am I so horrible? Am I not beautiful enough for you? - You're one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen: - Then why can't you love me? I can't change my feelings simply because you want me to: But how do you know, Buck? You've never tried: Love isn't something that two people can try to make happen: They either have something very special or they don't: And we don't, Ardala: I'm sorry: Captain Buck Rogers: You think you're so special: One of a kind: Well, I have an answer for that: If I can't have you one way, I'll have you another: Hey, Princess! How you doin'? Who's this clown? Oh, yeah: That's right: You're me: [Chuckles.]
What's happening? Listen, I'm really looking forward to meeting this Wilma Deering, man: She is one sharp chick: She's something else, right? - Well, there goes my reputation: - Hey, you can't talk that way about me: Hey, you're good: But I'm good too: Remember, I have your mouse-like reflexes: - Mouse-like? - Correction: Catlike: Well, you got a real winner there, Princess: When are you gonna teach him to walk and chew gum at the same time? Out! Out! Your wish is my command: Gentlemen, please be careful: After all, I am the master mold: Hey, take it easy, Princess: Remember, brick walls do not a castle keep: Oh, shut up! I believe I have located Twiki on board the Draconian ship, Doctor: - [Beeping.]
- [Theo.]
Yes: Those are his E: M: Transmissions: Fortunately, they're close enough to Earth to get a tight beam through: [Dr: Huer.]
Twiki? [Chirping.]
Can we use you as a relay to Buck? [Chirping.]
Take me: I'm yours: Buck? Buck, wake up! Hmm? What? [Dr: Huer.]
Buck, wake up: [Sighs.]
Oh: [Dr: Huer.]
Buck: Wake up, Buck: I must have been dreaming: I thought I heard Dr: Huer: - [Dr: Huer.]
You did: - Twiki: [Groans.]
Will you stop playing games? This isn't a game, Buck: This is Dr: Huer: - It is you, Doc: - Are you all right? Can you report? Excellent: They've finally gotten through: But don't let Captain Rogers reveal our plan: I don't have all the pieces yet: But as near as I can figure, they found a way to [Static.]
We're getting distortion from solar flares: We're losing your signal: Can you get out of your cell? Well, I can try: What then? Wilma's waiting half a parsec from the mother ship: Well, I'll be right there: I hope: Good luck: Twiki, returning control to you: Thank you: [Chirping.]
I feel funny: Yeah, well, never mind that: If you can get that door open, we'll both be going home: [Chirping.]
Sure: Are the men in position? Yes, Princess: The magic touch: Let's go, Twiki: Let's go, Buck: Come on: [Man On P: A:.]
Alert:! Alert:! Intruder in Sector B:! Come on, Twiki: Let's go: All security guards, report to your stations: Code 3: Repeat: All security guards report to your stations: Code 3: [Chirping.]
Where are you, Buck? Buck? Hey, wait for me: Go wait in the storage room while I preflight the ship: [Chirping.]
Uh-oh: I think I'm in trouble: [Groaning.]
[Chirping.]
Buck, what happened? This is Captain Buck Rogers calling Earth Defense Directorate: Come in: [Wilma.]
Is that you, Buck? That's a big roger: I'm on my way home: Thank heavens! You're both safe? Oh, that's a negative, Wilma: Twiki didn't make it: Oh, I'm sorry, Buck: I'll meet you at the stargate: [Thunderclap.]
- Come on, Buck: Let's go home: - That's a big 10-4: Why the long face, Captain? Buck Rogers is on his way home: Boy, are you guys a sight for stiff eyes! [Chuckles.]
I'm sorry about Twiki, Buck: But we'll program another ambu-quad just like him: Oh, Dr: Huer, Twiki wasn't just another ambu-quad: He was Buck's best friend: And it just wouldn't be the same, would it, Buck? Well, who knows? I guess not: [Chuckles.]
I understand: You know, I'd forgotten how beautiful you are: Oh! Well, I'm glad to see you too, Buck: L: : : Think: As you see, Captain, you can be replaced: Do you feel better now? That Zygot was just the first: There will be three more, and they are all programmed to destroy New Phoenix: Using your neural patterns and our Hatchet fighters, they'll slip through Earth's defense forces like they're not even there: We'll bring you up to watch the attack, Buck: After all, you are the star: : : All three of you: And if you're wondering about the prototype, he's armed with a one-kiloton nuclear device: : : Which is programmed to detonate when he's with New Chicago's three top leaders: [Clears Throat.]
Buck? Are you all right? Sure: Hi, Wilma: - Thinking ofTwiki? - Twiki? Oh, yeah: I'm really at the dumps about him: Buck? You haven't been taking care of your plants: Plants? That's right: I like plants, don't I? Buck, what's wrong? I saw something on board the Draconian ship: Something important: It could help us against Ardala and Kane: Well, what was it? I'm not sure: They had me so doped up: Maybe if we got together with Dr: Huer and Dr: Theopolis, they could pull it out: Well, of course: As soon as Dr: Huer comes back from inspecting the outer defenses, uh, we'll meet: Great! It will be very explosive stuff: Yeah: [Buzzing.]
[Men Grunting.]
[Chirping.]
Ready? Ready as I'll ever be: [Grunting.]
You guys fighting or dancing? You're insulting a Draconian soldier, Earth trash: Oh, is that what you call yourselves? Well, I'd show you how to use those toys, but, uh, you probably bruise easily: - Besides, I like a good fight: - Earth trash: Come feel the sting of a Draconian soldier's stun stick: [Chirping.]
Ooh! That smarts: [Chirping.]
Nice work, Champ: They never laid a glove on you: Well, some days the magic works: [Chirping.]
And some days it doesn't: [Whirring.]
[Whirring Stops.]
Do you still think your Buck Rogers will be better than the real man? These are Imperial combat weapons, not my Buck Rogers: And, yes, they will be able to do anything he can, only twice as well: Really? [Chirping.]
Ooh! That tickles, Buck! Uh-huh! I knew it: They had you bugged: That's how they knew we were gonna try an escape: [Chirping.]
No wonder I felt so funny: Yeah: [Sighs.]
Now we can try and figure a way to sabotage Kane's duplicating machine: : : Without them listening in on it: Do you have a plan? Yes, an idea: I'm the master mold, right? A flawed master mold means ruined production models: I just can't figure out a way to flaw me: [Chirping.]
If you were a computer, I could short-circuit you: That's it! What's it? If you could send a low voltage current through my body, it would jangle my neural responses for about 20 minutes or so: [Chirping.]
And curl your hair too, Buck: Well, more importantly, it could give Kane and Ardala some very shocking results: [Chirping.]
All right, ready, Buck? [Electric Hum.]
I'm receiving strange synaptic responses: If I didn't know any better, I'd say he'd been drinking Antaraen brandy! Nonsense, Kane: Continue programming the captain's clones: Perhaps I've been too harsh with you, Kane: Yes, much too harsh: Well, I'm glad somebody else noticed: I was beginning to think I was crazy: Oh, no: Not at all: He's just not the same Buck Rogers: It's almost as if his spirit is missing: - Yes: - It's so strange: A possibility psychosurgery while a prisoner: That's conceivable: Which would mean [Door Opens.]
- Hi, gang! What's goin' up? - Hi, Buck: Correction: Should read, what's coming down? Wilma, Dr: Huer, Dr: Theopolis: - We're finally all together: - [Man On P: A:.]
Red alert:! Red alert:! Evacuate Level 3:! [Alarm Ringing.]
What is it, Doctor? Security sensors have detected a Draconian bomb: Radiation profile indicates explosion is imminent: - Where is it? - A red alert search is being conducted at this moment: [Clicking.]
- What are you doing here? - The bomb is in this room: It's somewhere right here: Excuse me, sir: Detonation minus five seconds: : : Four: : : Three: : : : - Two - Wilma, what Bomb destroyed: End red alert: [Man On P: A:.]
Red alert terminated: That wasn't Buck: It was a robot: Yes: Doctor, I want you to put all Earth units on full wartime alert: We just don't know when Princess Ardala will make her next move: [Beeping.]
Well, it looks like the end of the line for Rogers the Robot, eh, Ardala? I gotta tell you, Kane: Your Zygot just doesn't have what it takes: That was only the prototype: The production models are far superior: Computer tests prove that they are capable of defeating any Earth unit easily, despite your childish attempt to sabotage their programming: Captain Rogers appears worried: Perhaps, Kane, for once you've got something: We are ready to strike: Shall I give the order? Patience, Kane, dear: First, send the Zygots to my chambers: I wish to inspect them personally: You see, Buck, with three Buck Rogers, you become, shall we say, redundant? [Ardala.]
At ease, Captains Rogers: Make yourselves at home: I've waited a lifetime for this moment: Not quite yet: Be patient: [Gulps Loudly.]
Join me: - That sounds intense: - I intend it to be: Maybe later: I'm into my own space right now: Typical bomber driver: Doesn't know how to handle anything: : : Including a woman: - How would you handle a woman? - [Gulps.]
Easy on the controls: Preflight her real slow while you're waiting for clearance: There was this one honey at Clark when I was flying F-16s with the Widowmakers: Gently! She was fine: But those F-16s, they were really sweet: I remember one mission [Sighs.]
What can she conceivably do with three Buck Rogers for an hour and a half? Wild Weasel's ship said there was a Sam-12 on my tail: So I hit right rudder, grayed out Hold it, flyboy: - What? - What about the woman? What woman? I'm talking about F-16s: I know: I know: For two hours: There's more to life than flying, Princess: What did you have in mind? Soft music: Slow dancing: [Garbled Chatter.]
What's the matter, Princess? Leave me alone: Leave me alone! - Buck? - What do you want, Ardala? Nothing: Never mind: I am Princess Ardala: Kane: Yes, Princess? Those Zygots? They had better know something about fighting: I want you to launch the attack against Earth immediately: As you wish, Princess: [Flips Switch.]
Earth is defenseless against you: And now, my Zygots, your instructions: Two of you will engage the Earth starfighters and keep them at bay: A third will avoid all combat: : : And will obliterate New Phoenix with an antimatter bomb: For the Empire! [All.]
For the Empire! Okay, Twiki: You got it? [Chirping.]
Sounds like a real long shot: Well, how was your party, Princess? The Zygots were launched Soon New Phoenix will be a memory: You notice how she never answered my question, Twiki? [Chirping.]
Party must've been a bust: Poor Ardala: Always a bridesmaid, never a bride: Bride: : : Bride: : : Bride What's the matter with you? Who, me? Me: : : Me: : : Me Another Zygot! I've been deceived! You know, Twiki, sometimes you almost have to feel sorry for princesses: [Chirping.]
Almost: Let's truck, Buck: [Chirping.]
[Beeps.]
Come on: [Beeping.]
Here it is: It's coming in now: Hatchet fighters: The first wave of Princess Ardala's attack: Scramble all squadrons! Penetration section Oboe 3: You'll lead the first squadron, Colonel: Intercept those fighters and destroy them: Yes, Doctor: He's escaped in one of your hatchet fighters masquerading as a Zygot! Impossible: But I saw that Zygot in the cell! Readouts from the beings in those three ships: No human would register a positive electrostatic pulse reading: This way, Twiki: Come on: [Chirping.]
[Beeping.]
He's a fool: He'll never make it: The port's closing, Buck: Hang on, Twiki: It's gonna be a tight squeeze: Something must be wrong: Even my Zygots can't control a ship at that rate of speed: There is no error: It's impossible to capture him now: He's on an intercept with our attack force: That's just fine: Fine? What do you mean fine? What can one Buck Rogers possibly do against three? We shall see, Kane: We shall see: Echo Element, deploy as high squadron: Victor Element, fingers four: Any Earth station: This is Buck Rogers: Emergency transmission: - Buck, is that you? - Yeah, it's me: Running about half a light second behind three more me's: [Chirping.]
Here comes the cavalry, Wilma: Twiki! It really is you, Buck! [Buck.]
Yeah, I think so: Wilma, you're about to run up against three of the fastest, nastiest ships you've ever seen: : : Piloted by three duplicates of me: [Wilma.]
What are your tactics, Buck? [Buck.]
Don't close: Don't let them get on your tail: They'll try to bounce you from the rear quarter: I'm on my way: They're all over us! We can't hold! - Alert! One of them has broken through: - Objective? New Phoenix: [Zygot Buck.]
Okay, Buck Rogers: Looks like I win this time: One more second, no more New Phoenix: [Buck.]
Oh, no, you don't: Hang tough, Wilma: That's two down: One more to go: It's your turn to go, bro: Give me your best shot: All right: Catch: Boring, Buck: Boring: [Chuckles.]
- Your move: Which way are you gonna break? - Just keep your eyes open, son: Which one? Which one? [Chirping.]
Way to go, Wilma: You should have known your plan was destined to fail: The plan was flawless, Princess: It was the execution that failed: Kane, it was doomed from the start: Believe me: There's only one Buck Rogers: Now that is a Ping-Pong table: [Chirping.]
I liked the ping-pool better: Interesting: Yes: I must say it's very interesting: You wanna play, Doc? Oh, I think not: [Chuckles.]
Come on, Doc: I'll show you the ropes: It's easy: Ball: : : Paddle: You hit the ball over the net with the paddle: Here we go again: Uh, am I holding it correctly? [Buck.]
That's just fine: Now when I hit the ball to you, you hit it back, okay? You ready? Here we go: [Buck.]
That's, uh, Hey! - Not bad for a beginner: - Yeah: Rather: Quiet good, actually: Here we go again: [Chuckles.]
You know, uh, if I didn't know better, I'd think I was being hustled: Hustled? [Chuckles.]
What's hustled? Ah, it's just me, Doc: L-l-I'm kinda beat: I feel like something the dog dragged in: [Chirping.]
Cat dragged in, Buck: [Chirping.]
Uh-oh:! There's something fishy going on here, folks: Dr: Huer, it sounds like A Zygot malfunction: It can't be: It just can't be: Gotcha!