Dog with a Blog (2012) s01e17 Episode Script

- Oh, dear.
- Hey, mom.
Honey, you always check the firmness of the sidewalk before you step on it, don't you? Uh, no.
Why? A jogger in England fell through up to her armpits.
She's all right, but it just seems to be happening more and more.
Fine.
No sidewalks.
Is it okay if I meet Dustin today if I leap from roof to roof? Wow, you guys have been seeing each other for a while.
So sweet.
Fresh bloom of flowering emotions.
Mom, gross! What? There's nothing gross about liking a boy.
No.
You talking about it is gross.
Fine.
I know you don't like to talk about these things.
Would it be gross if I asked you where you're going? Well, it wasn't until you made your "my little girl is growing up" face.
But we're going to a spoken word poetry slam at this really cool place called "place".
I love poetry.
I rhyme all the time.
Good one, Ellen.
How good? There's no telling.
- I need grapes.
Grapes will help.
- What's wrong with dad? I'll tell you what's wrong with dad.
Dad is a little uptight because dad has to turn in his book in two days and dad isn't finished.
- That's what's wrong with dad.
- What's wrong with dad? I'll tell you what's wrong with dad, dad is a little uptight Your father has put off finishing his book until the last minute, and now he's stressing out.
- You procrastinated! - It's part of my creative process.
Really? You've been drawing hand turkeys and repairing the heels on your shoes.
Why pay a cobbler? I have the tools.
You know, I thought I'd set a better example for you, Bennett.
- I'm very disappointed in you.
- Very disappointed.
- Is everybody done? - Everybody but you.
Procrastination is a funny thing.
And I'll tell you all about it as soon as I check out this website that shows what I'd look like with a nose job.
Here's what I'd look like with George Clooney's nose.
Here's me with a pig nose.
Oh, this is such a time-waster.
Ooh, what would I look like with bigger ears? Bennett, you've been nursing that same cup of coffee for half an hour.
It's time to get back to work.
You're right.
This is just the kind of gentle push that I need to motivate my Oh, look, Avery's back! Tell us everything about your date, no matter how many hours it takes.
Ah, it was fine.
The poetry slam was great.
Dustin and I broke up, then I had a peach, now I'm home.
Waah.
What? You broke up? What happened? - Are you okay? - Oh, yeah.
Fine.
Totally fine.
It was mutual.
We had a friendly, though somewhat dispassionate hug.
Then I had the peach I mentioned earlier.
Then I signed up to do a spoken word piece next week.
I've actually already started it.
It's about a guy named Saul Saul Good.
"Two kids who met in school".
"At first, he was just my alge-bro".
Then it was a little mo', now it's no mo'.
Saul Goode I'm gonna go work on it.
Wow.
She, uh, she really took that breakup well.
That's Avery my brave soldier.
- Should you go talk to her? - No.
No.
I know my daughter.
She doesn't like to talk about the emotional stuff.
Every time I've tried, she's pushed me away, but she's fine.
Even when she was little, she didn't shed a single tear when her pet lizard got sucked into the vacuum.
I mean, ran away.
And that's why no matter how tempting it might seem, you should never kiss a monkey.
One of my favorite things about working at the food truck, Hawk, is hearing all the cool stories you tell where you almost lose a lip.
I am nothing if not a cautionary tale.
Look at all this garbage I found under the truck.
Bottles, wrappers, and these two blocks of wood some doofus left behind the tires.
Yeah, see, these are wheel blocks, tall buddy.
Couple of years ago I traded my emergency brake for a really cool cowboy hat.
These keep the truck from rolling away, which gives me peace of mind, since I live in it.
Sure love to see that cowboy hat.
"His name was Dustin, and I wasn't nonplussed in, fact; Saul Goode".
It's your first breakup.
You're sadder than you're letting on.
I can smell it.
- You smell sadness? - Oh, yeah.
Dogs smell fear, joy, sadness butts, of course.
Sad smells like a puddle on the street where there's also been a tiny piece of salami.
Well, your smeller needs to be recalibrated, because I am just fine.
I can comfort you.
I'm a dog.
It's my thing! Come on, pet me.
It's why I use conditioner.
Is this helping at all? If I go any deeper I'm gonna get a snout cramp.
Okay, Stan, can dogs smell annoyed? Because you're starting to bug me.
Oh, yeah.
It's mustard with a little bit of dirty balloon.
Stan please.
I'm trying to work on my poem.
I know she's sad.
I have to figure out a way to help her.
Strawberries and rabbit? Oh.
Chloe's excited about something.
There's the sugar! How's it going in there, honey? How's the book coming? Fantastic! But I need quiet.
Do not come in.
It's like a blizzard of ideas in here! This is awesome! Don't tell mommy.
She wouldn't understand how important this is to my creative process.
How is this important to your creative process? That's a good question, but it's gonna take a long time to answer.
- So let's go discuss it over a snack.
- Okay! Yikes.
Sometimes I don't know if he is a child psychologist or he needs a child psychologist.
There's gotta be something in here that can help Avery.
What have you written so far, Bennett? This is an outrage! I'm not in the dedication! Come on, come on "Chapter four.
Mother knows best.
She was once a teenage girl too".
How is that gonna help Avery? Wait I really appreciate you letting me spend the night here, Tyler.
You live in that truck, and I crashed it.
It's the least I can do.
Let me just clear it with my folks.
If it's a problem, The Hawk has spent many a night under the stars.
Once in the flamingo marsh at the zoo.
I actually started to grow feathers.
Look.
I'm kidding.
So, uh, it's okay if I stay? You're staying here until your truck is fixed tomorrow.
I insist, my parents will insist.
- Is it okay if a buddy spends the night - Absolutely not.
- But mom, I - Your father has to finish his book.
No distractions.
Right, Bennett? Bennett! Building a juice box jumbo jet is part of my process.
I'm gonna go up on the roof and see if this baby flies.
- Could my friend just stay - No! They're cool with it.
Come on in.
What a day! Ha ha ha! I just want to put my feet up and relax.
Yes, Ellen, I'm going back to work.
- Race you up the stairs! - Oh! Go go go! Hey! How big are your feet getting?! Oh.
It smells even sadder in here.
Stan.
There's something in your dad's new book that can help you.
I told you, I don't need any help.
Now what do you think of this "Other people might have their heart shattered".
"Feelings scattered, dignity tattered, soul battered, hope splattered".
"Lucky for me, it never really mattered".
I like the light, breezy tone.
Avery, your dad's book says your mom is the key.
She'll know how to help you.
You just have to ignore all the craziness that usually comes out of her mouth.
That's my part, it wasn't in the book until I typed it.
She's the last person I want to talk to about getting dumped.
We don't really have that kind of relationship.
Wait.
Dustin dumped you? You said it was mutual.
No wonder you're so upset.
- I'm not upset! - Then why are you raising your voice? I'm not raising my voice.
You have super-hearing.
And a dramatic profile.
But that's not the point.
I'm fine.
I don't need to talk to mom, or anyone else.
I'm her brave soldier.
- Avery, I want to help you! - Well, I want you to leave me alone! Now I'm smelling a little bit of pee.
Probably because she snapped at me and it scared me.
If Avery won't go to her mom, I've gotta get her mom to go to her.
I've gotta get this message to Ellen.
But I have to be subtle.
I'm here to tell you you've got a problem.
So you need to talk to So much for The Gorilla-Gram.
On to Plan B.
Yes, hello, this is one of Avery's teachers, - I really think you need to talk - I'm sorry.
Your name is? My name? Mr.
Dogman.
Stan, you want to come to my tea party? My imaginary friend under-the-stair bear might be there.
Ow! You're on my tail! - What?! - Oh my my ponytail.
I'm a hippie.
I teach English, man.
I know all of Avery's teachers.
I don't recall a Mr.
Dogman.
Chloe, do you know a teacher at school named Mr.
Dogman? Yes.
I hear he's ruff! Oh, I'm a substitute.
I'm filling in for Mr.
Sickman.
And I suppose he's out sick.
No, he's at a friend's wedding, actually.
I don't appreciate prank phone calls.
No, don't hang up.
I Oh.
Well, at least the call I made before this worked out.
We've got fifteen pizzas coming! Woo-hoo! Yeah! Oh! Where are you going?! I said you could hang my room.
Gotta eat, need my late-afternoon early-evening pre-dinner nosh.
This is a finely tuned machine.
- Okay, okay - You do not want a lightheaded Hawk.
He don't fly so straight.
Go back to my room and I'll bring you a snack.
Oh, you're a good man.
And I'm not fussy, but if you've got fresh seasonal fruit drizzled with flax seed and home-roasted granola accompanied by a few mission figs, that'd be ducky.
Tyler! You up there? Hey! Remember my sister? You should say hi to her! Oh, Tyler! There you are.
Just one second, dad.
Look! Avery, it's Hawk.
Talk to him.
Hello? Howdy-do! Howdy-do pretty good! Oh, cool! You sleep with butterflies.
Yeah.
In my food truck I sleep with butter and fries.
Just trying to relate.
Don't feel bad.
This happens all the time.
I'd love to talk, but shouldn't you get back to your book? Exactly.
Son, I need some authentic teenage quotes for one of the chapters.
- Man, do I have to? - Perfect! More of those.
You see, in spoken word, you say what you feel, and through those words evoke a sense of exactly how you feel.
Okay.
Here goes; "So hungry, head spinning, legs wobbling, getting dark".
I don't want to do this! Can't you just leave me alone? This is so lame! These are all great! "This is so lame".
Thanks! Aah! Howdy-do! Hey, mom, could I have a snack? As long as it's healthy.
Do we have any seasonal fruit, flax seed, or figs? - What? - Those things just mellow me out.
Aah! - What are you doing out here?! - I needed air.
Ah! I can see Orion's belt and his belly button.
Orion, please! Pull your shirt down! I thought I turned the patio lights on.
Gotta pee, gotta pee, gotta pee! Somebody let me out! Okay, Stan, I get it.
Water.
Oh, don't say water! Refreshing water! Please don't say Wet, wonderful water! Aah! Doesn't she understand? If she doesn't let me out I'm going to explode?! Wait! That's Avery's problem She's holding all these feelings inside, and if she doesn't let them out, she's going to explode! I have to go tell her that.
Immediately! Okay, not immediately.
So, I'm in Baja, and I'm on this mule Yeah, yeah, never kiss a mule.
Let's go back to my room.
Tyler, you've been acting weird all night.
Do your parents really know I'm here? Yeah! It's just my dad can't have any distractions.
He's busy finishing his book.
Ah.
Then The Hawk is invisible.
- What was that? - Quick! Get in here! I told you people I am trying to work! Wh I knocked them over with my big feet.
Come hold this together while I glue it.
Are you the under-the-stair bear? - I'm The Hawk! - That'll do.
- Tea? - Ooh.
Two sugars, please.
You know it's not real, right? Then three.
Avery, listen Before you start giving me more advice, check this out.
It's a picture of Saul Goode To go with my poem.
I see.
I'm not sure if Saul Goode for the kid on the alligator with the piano falling on his head.
Is that Dustin? No, it's just some random alligator.
Avery, you're sad because you're holding your emotions in.
You need to talk about it and cry and let it all out! Yeah, that doesn't sound like me.
Besides, I've got my poem and my thinly veiled artwork.
One thing I know as a dog is, you have to let it out or you'll explode! And according to your father's book, you have to let it out all over your mom.
It won't help, Stan.
I don't even think she'd know what to say about this sort of thing.
Have you ever asked her? Well no, but It's not fair to assume somebody can't help if you've never asked.
And I'm gonna keep bugging you until you talk to her.
Bug me all you want.
I am not talking to her.
Fine.
Then I'm gonna recite the manuscript for my teen Vampire novel from start to finish.
"At first light, Jenny felt sad and con" Fine! I'll talk to her.
- Where is he?! - Who?! How many food truck owners have you got stuffed in here? The Hawk.
Oh.
He dropped an orange, and it rolled down the tunnel of despair.
We may never see him again.
Tea? Oh! What magical portal have I gone through? No more distractions, Bennett, no more.
Is talking to yourself a distraction? - Yes.
- Then stop it! Hawk, where are you? Where were you? I looked all over the house! I've been all over the house.
I was too big to turn around, so I just kept following the light.
I think I saw my grandma.
Let's get you out of this hallway, quick.
Level with me, Tyler.
Your parents really don't know I'm here, do they? No.
No, Hawk, they don't.
That is not cool, man.
I didn't want to let you down after what I did.
I thought I could pull it off for one night.
While I appreciate the gesture, what you've done is not mature.
And this is coming from a guy who still carries a scrap of his Binky.
Oh Give me one more chance to make this right.
Please.
You go take a shower, and when you come down, it'll all be good.
I promise.
Fine.
But I might be in that shower for a while.
This top layer is just the tip of the dirtberg.
- Hi, mom.
- Hi, Sweetie.
I just need to talk to you real quick.
It's It's not a big deal or anything, it's It was actually a friend's idea.
Okay.
What do you want to talk about? - Dustin.
- Oh.
Yeah, I, uh, I thought that this might help.
A script? Yeah.
You say your lines and I'll say my lines.
It'll be fun! Okay.
I'll play Avery.
Just kidding.
Right, here we go.
- "Mom, could I talk to you".
- "Mom, could I talk to you".
Sorry, sorry.
I was nervous.
Let's start again.
"Mom, can I talk to you for a second?" "Of course, Avery.
What is your concern?" Could I say "what's" your concern, the "what is" sounds a little formal? Yeah, whatever feels natural.
None of this feels natural, Sweetie.
Mom? "Something seems to be bothering you".
"As you know, Dustin and I have" Broken up".
"And are you okay?" "Actually, I am a little sad".
You are? That's not in the script.
Ya know, forget it.
This isn't even working.
Sweetie, I want to help you.
I know.
But we've never done this before.
I don't know how to do it, you don't know how to do it I thought that the script would help, but I guess not.
What do you mean? I don't need a script to talk to you! Not if it's about cheer leading or about my grades or about falling through sidewalks, but - We never talk about my feelings.
- You've never let me.
I thought that you wanted me to be your brave soldier.
Oh, I didn't mean you couldn't come to me when you needed me.
I'll always be here for you! Mom, why do I feel so bad that Dustin dumped me? I didn't even care about him that much.
What's wrong with me? No, Sweetie.
There's nothing wrong with you.
It's your first breakup.
Breakup's are hard.
It's okay to be sad.
It feels so good to let it out.
You know, you're really good at this, mom.
- But it really hurts! - I know, Sweetie, I know.
No your bony chin is jabbing into my skull.
Oh! Mmm.
Peppermint and poodle butt.
Happiness! I was really glad I could help Avery and her mom come together.
And I'm really glad Avery didn't explode.
Granted, it would have been a small explosion, but still, there would have been emotion everywhere.
And I'm glad it gave Bennett the idea for his new book title "Let it out".
I was thinking of suing, but then I just decided I'd write my own psychology book "You smell sad".
Okay, I have something to ask you, but I don't really know how.
Oh, Sweetie, you can always come to me! I will always be here for you! No, it's not what you think.
And ow! Your chin.
What is it, son? You can ask us anything.
Let's say I had a friend like The Hawk Someone who's been really good to me like The Hawk And let's say hypothetically I crashed The Hawk's food truck by accident And The Hawk or that friend had nowhere to sleep for the night? Wouldn't you expect me to help that friend out? Tyler we will deal with the truck situation later.
Call The Hawk right now And tell he is welcome to spend the night with us.
Sorry to interrupt uh Does the shower lever go left or right? I'm trying to get that middle nozzle to power clean my creases.
- Is that your bathrobe? - Not anymore.