Ghosts (2021) s01e17 Episode Script

1 Oh, I ♪ I just died in your arms tonight ♪ Okay, Tad, could you have picked a creepier spot to park? Come on, don't worry, babe.
I'll protect us.
I just died in your ♪ We interrupt this broadcast to inform you that the Hudson Valley Chainsaw Killer has escaped from Ulster County state mental facility - Boring.
- Babe.
That sounded important.
Come on, Steph.
That insane asylum's, like, over a mile away.
- We'll be fine.
- Yeah.
You know what? You're right.
Also, what's he gonna do kill two kids in a car, making out? - That that's not a thing.
- Right.
Tad.
I'm just having some trouble reaching this socket.
What's going on? Jay's playing with electricity again.
- Interesting.
- Hey.
Back up.
You're hoping to possess Jay again, aren't you? - What? - Not at all.
I was merely trying to supervise, which requires me to be near to the host body.
I mean Jay.
Who's that? Hetty? Back off, parasite! And - I got it.
- Okay.
- What is it? - Oh.
It's an Alexa.
- You talk to it and it does stuff for you.
- Alexa? Eh, sounds more like a Samantha, am I right? - Right.
- Alexa, what's the temperature outside today? Right now, it's 62 degrees Bet that freaked 'em out, huh? Ooh, ask it who had the more comely ankles at Mamie Fish's cotillion, and we'll settle this one once and for all.
No, ask it to order frozen pizzas from the supermarket.
I doubt it can do that.
Oh, actually, I think it can, but I don't have time for this right now because Jay and I have a ton to do before our first official guest arrives in one week! - You actually booked a guest? - Oh, yeah! Hell yeah, we did.
But we've got a bunch of chores to do before they show up.
Huh, babe? Okay, all right.
Well, you clean the gunk out of the kitchen sink and I will get the extra blankets out of the attic.
Why-why do I have to clean the gunk? 'Cause I pried that watch off of your ancestor's rotting corpse.
- That is true.
- Fair.
- That's a good point.
- That was gross.
Fine.
You get to use that, like, two more times.
Where are There you are.
Dude! Are you serious? You woke me up.
My work here is done.
Thanks for destroying my room, dipstick.
Stephanie.
You're awake.
Hey, losers.
What a lovely surprise.
Although isn't it a little early for you to be up? It's only April.
Right, as a teen ghost you usually sleep for months on end.
I know.
Some dumb Living woke me up.
Hey, so I heard Sam and Jay actually booked a guest? Hi, Trevor.
- I was wondering where you were.
- Hi, Stephanie.
How are you? Hi.
Did you miss me? Just the normal amount that an adult should miss a teenager.
You know, I'm-I'm technically, I'm 53.
Yeah, but you're not.
Well, we were born the same year.
This is not gonna happen.
- Not gonna happen.
Just - Whatever.
So, this new Living is it just the one guy? Oh, no.
He's married to Samantha.
Get this: we can talk to her and she talks back.
Sure she can, Flower.
No, really, she does.
Ah, I couldn't find it.
And here she is.
Samantha, you must meet Stephanie.
Oh, another one.
Why not? - Uh, hi, I'm Sam.
- Hey.
Stephanie's a ghost that lives in the attic and sleeps most of the year.
I-I really like your dress.
I died on my way to prom.
Really sucked.
Chainsaw murder.
- God, that's awful.
- Yeah.
You know, I actually had kind of a bad prom, too.
Although now that I say it out loud, - yours was definitely worse.
- You think? Oh, well, I'm gonna just, uh, help Jay with some stuff, but it is nice to meet you, and I'm sure I'll see you later on.
Bye.
Bye.
That was awkward.
What is with that chick? Well, she's a little awkward, but in the cutest way.
Like, the way she wrinkles her nose when she's uncomfortable it's adorable.
Wait, are you into her or something? Oh, yeah.
Trevor's in love with Sam.
Truth be told, we all love Sam.
And you will, too.
You guys are the same.
Except she can do things, is alive, and Trevor has a crush on her.
But other than that, she's just like you.
Hmm.
Oh, I swear.
Livings are so lazy these days.
Can't even be bothered to put on a record.
They just want to say, "Alexa, play jazz.
" Here's a station you might like.
Ultimate Jazz.
What the ? It can hear ghosts? Alexa, who invented popcorn? Alexa, will there be season two of It's Getting Hot in Here? Alexa, what day of the week is it? Today is Thursday, April 7.
Whoa.
I am a god.
Whew.
Yeah, I know it's a lot of work, but I'm telling you, I think Josh and Leeanne are really gonna appreciate it.
- Who? - Josh and Leeanne.
They're the couple that booked the room.
They're from Erie, Pennsylvania, and they're coming out to celebrate their 20th wedding anniversary.
Aw, that's so sweet.
Yeah, it was actually a few months ago, but then, you know, Josh got LASIK, and then he had his dental practice, and then Leeanne was working with those rescue animals.
It was really the only free weekend they could get.
Have you been stalking their social media? Yes.
I went down a rabbit hole.
I know things about Josh that Leeanne doesn't know.
She's my cherry pie ♪ Cool drink of water, such a sweet surprise ♪ Hey.
How is there music playing? Alberta can speak to voice in the sphere thingy.
Well, that's not possible.
Oh, really? Alexa, stop.
Oh, boy.
Uh The ghosts can now interact with the Alexa.
That is not a great development.
Hey, is the creepy chainsaw girl still here? - Seriously? That's how you described me? - Hmm? No.
No, no.
"Creepy" is, like, a word Jay chose.
I have an idea, everyone.
Since I never got to go to my own prom, what if tonight we had a ghost prom, right here in Thor's room? - Oh, my God.
That's so fun! - Yeah? Stephanie wants us to throw a ghost prom.
Oh, ghost Prom, 'cause that doesn't sound like the title to a horror movie.
And I have the perfect theme, too: No Livings Allowed.
No Livings Allowed? - It's not exactly Enchantment Under the Sea.
- No, no, no.
You know, it's just because we know how busy you are, and we don't we don't want to get in your way.
You were saying you were too busy to help us earlier.
- I I know, but - So, you know, in a way, I'm really I'm doing you a huge favor.
I'm getting everyone off your back for the night.
And with Alberta's new power, she can control the music and the lights, so You're really, you're not needed.
At all.
Okay, well, I mean, I could, I could pop by just for, like, a brief appearance.
Samantha, do not worry about us.
Do your cleaning and we will be fine.
Yeah, scrub-a-dub-dub.
All right, well You guys have fun, too.
Bye! Again, again! Ugh, seriously, Isaac, you already heard the answer.
Just one more time.
Alexa, how did Alexander Hamilton die? Alexander Hamilton died of a gunshot wound on July 12, 1804, at 47 years old.
- Again.
Again.
- Excuse me.
Hi.
We have, like, a whole prom to plan.
I mean, does anyone even have a date yet? Uh Uh Were you planning on asking anyone special, Isaac? Like a certain British officer you murdered, perhaps? Shh! No.
You are still the only one that knows about that.
And, no, I am not ready.
Oh, God, who would've thought that a prom of all things would create such a stressful social situation.
I have an idea.
What if we all just went together? As friendly companions.
- Oh, I love that.
- Yep.
Yes.
- A group thing.
- Group thing.
- Yay! - Whoa, whoa, whoa.
We're gonna go to prom as friends? That's lame.
What are we, a bunch of losers? - I'll go with you, Trevor.
- You know what, actually, we don't want anyone to feel left out.
I think that we should, uh, go as friends.
It's nice.
Let's do that.
Agreed.
Now again! Last time, I swear.
You know, "no livings allowed" isn't even a theme.
It's just, like, stupid.
Oh, you're upset about the ghost prom.
As if.
Like I care about some stupid ghost prom.
Whatever.
Okay, I don't want to be that guy, but I think that's smooth enough.
You seem like you really care.
It's actually starting to get a bit concave.
Okay, fine.
It's a bit of a sore subject for me.
Why is it a sore subject? When I was in high school, I loved everything French.
The language, the food, the films I pretended to understand.
I even had a French pen pal, Pierre La Croix.
We IM'd for, like, two months.
And then he told me he was going to come to America, right when prom was happening, and he wanted to take me.
Oh, no.
This is not gonna end well.
Turned out Pierre wasn't real.
Kelly Blankenship catfished me as a cruel prank.
I waited outside my house for three hours.
Of course, he didn't show up, and then Kelly and her friends drove past and threw baguettes at me, and the next day at school was the worst.
Oh, we got you.
So, you didn't ask him why he was coming to America? Not a single follow-up question? Maybe, like, a flight number? I wanted it to be true, Jay, but it wasn't.
And, yes, that was the only experience I had with prom.
So forgive me, not getting invited to the ghost prom gives me a little PTSD.
Okay, you really need to move on.
Oh, I'm sorry, Pete, it was very traumatic for me.
No, no, from that spot on the wall.
Pretty soon, we're gonna be exposing some wiring.
I'm gonna show myself out.
Pete's here? - Pete.
- He's gone.
- Aw, man.
- Ooh, ooh, ooh! - Ask it to play "China Cat Sunflower".
- No, I was next, and I require it to tell me if the Vanderbilts ended up poor.
Hey, I'm still waiting for frozen pizzas - from the supermarket.
- Okay! This is getting out of hand.
Shop is closed for the day.
Y'all are needy.
That's not fair.
I didn't even get a turn, and this is my room.
Wait, you and Thor switched rooms, Trevor? No, we both live in here now.
Sam had everyone pair up to use other rooms for guests.
So, she forced you all to room together? What is she, your dictator? Well, "dictator" is a little strong.
It's not like she's taxing us on sugar and tobacco.
But she can be a little pushy, yeah.
Uh, Stephanie.
Can I have a word with you out in the hall? - Sure.
- So, yeah.
You can see how this whole banning Sam from ghost prom might bring up a lot of issues for her.
Wow, they threw a baguette at her? And sadly, I believe it was stale.
Smart.
I mean harsh.
- Ah, yeah.
- Pete, you have come to the right person.
Oh, I'm so glad.
And I won't say anything to her.
I will let you surprise her with the prom invite.
Oh, I'll surprise her.
Fantastic.
Thank you.
Hey, guys? I have an idea.
We should totally pull a prank Sam.
Well, we wouldn't want to do anything mean.
No! No.
No, just just a fun little prank to help her lighten up.
Like how the the colonists, they pulled that prank on the king dude, where you all threw the tea in the harbor.
The Boston Tea Party.
Well, all they were missing was a giant shortbread cookie.
That would've killed at the tavern.
Well, okay, if it's something lighthearted like that, then sure.
I think I have something in mind.
Alberta, I'm gonna need your help with that Alexa thingy.
Of course you are.
Babe, you want to see Josh in a Speedo? - Are you talking about - The guests.
Yes, it's always about the guests.
I'm in deep, and you need accept it.
Now, do you want to see a middle-aged man in a Speedo or not? Sure, hand it over.
Oh.
Oh, no.
What did you did you like it? - I didn't even see it.
I - You liked it.
Sam, this post is from five years ago.
Now he's gonna think I'm some kind of weird stalker.
- Mm.
- I know, but I don't want to look like one.
Uh, I got it.
- Hey.
What's this? - It's your grocery order.
20 baguettes for a Mrs.
Pierre La Croix.
Pierre La Croix.
Okay.
- Yeah! - Come on, right? We got you good, right? That's funny, huh? Pete, you told them about this? No.
I I mean, yes, but I I just Oh, ho.
Is the lady upset about the little prank? I can't believe you did that, Pete.
Babe, are you okay? - Sam, I'm sorry.
- Samantha.
It was supposed to be funny.
Okay, so Sam definitely not enjoy that prank.
What was that all about? What the H-E-C-K, Stephanie? I told you that stuff about the French guy so you could help Sam.
I trusted you.
Hold up.
What y'all talking about? Sam told me this very sad tale about her own prom, and how she thought she was going with this hunky French guy, but it turned out some mean girl was just tricking her.
Aw.
Poor Samantha.
Yes, that is the appropriate reaction.
You know what's not appropriate? Weaponizing Sam's pain the way Chainsaw Madonna here did.
I mean, I don't know about Madonna.
- He said it.
- Oh, my God.
Wait, so basically, Sam got traumatized by some mean girl in high school, and now Steph is making her relive it? And making us pawns in her sick game.
What is wrong with you, Stephanie? You're 53 years old.
- You should know better.
- You hear that, Trev? Not happening.
Okay.
Whatever.
Sam's the mean girl here.
She deserves it.
You guys all said it before, too.
She acts like she's the boss of you, remember? Mm-mmm! I have walked a mile in Sam's shoes today, and that woman is a saint.
Y'all coming up to me every second, asking something, wanting stuff.
"Who won the World Series in 1993?" Who cares! "What's the capitol of Idaho?" - Child, I don't give a damn! - It's Boise.
So yeah, maybe Sam does have some demands and rules, but she needs them 'cause y'all are annoying.
Mm.
Well, it's tough to rally the troops when you end like that, but I agree with you.
We all owe Sam an apology.
Well, you know what? Anyone apologizes to that jerkwad, you're out of the prom.
Well, then I guess we are out of the prom.
No one calls my descendant a jerkwad, which from context I take to be some sort of derision.
We trusted you, man, and you stole our money.
That's not what happ Okay, let's just go.
Come on.
- Come on.
- Yeah.
Okay, fine.
Go, then.
I don't need you, you losers.
No one likes you! The basement ghosts think you're lame! Hey, babe.
Just checking on you.
Seeing how you're doing.
Whether or not you need some butter.
- Okay, it's too soon.
- Stephanie's just - She's such a jerk.
- Yeah, but, babe, are you sure this isn't about the mean girl from your past and not the dead one from your present? I don't know, probably, but I just I can't believe the ghosts went along with it.
And I can't believe I even care.
I'm mad at a bunch of invisible people, Jay.
Samantha, if we could have a word.
The ghosts just all came in.
We came to say we're sorry.
Oh, great, 'cause I'm about to give all you guys - a piece of my m - No, they were apologizing.
Oh.
Okay.
I'll allow it.
I only told Stephanie what happened to you because I was trying to get you invited to the prom.
Stephanie manipulated us.
I didn't even get the whole baguette thing.
But then Stephanie made me feel stupid for not getting it.
- Me, too.
- Point is, we didn't know that you had been tricked in high school.
It's so rude.
Telling you that the hot foreign exchange student had a crush on you? No, he wasn't an exchange student.
He still lived in France.
We were more like online pen pals.
Wait, wait, wait, I'm sorry, so you thought he was coming all the way from Europe to go to a school dance in Ohio? - Well - Guys, I'm sure the mean girl got her older brother on the phone or something to do a French accent.
Uh, no, we never actually spoke.
Trying to defend you, Sam.
Not making it easy.
Look, it doesn't matter how naive or clueless you may have been.
You didn't deserve to be hurt like that.
And we would never purposely make you feel worse about it.
- That's right.
- Absolutely.
- No.
- Thanks, guys.
And don't worry, we got her back.
Yeah.
We leave her all alone by herself to feel sad.
Very funny.
Oh, gosh.
She is going to have the worst prom ever.
Well, maybe not "the worst" worst.
- Second-worst.
- And come tomorrow.
She'll fall back asleep for another year, so you won't have to worry about her.
- Easy.
- Wait, so this girl is only awake for, like, one night a year, and she's going to spend it alone on prom night, the very event that she tried to recreate because she died that night? Ugh, don't make us feel bad for that little psychopath.
I didn't know how to deal with the mean girl back in my day, but I know what we need to do for this one.
Ugh, you're gonna do something nice for her, aren't you? Yes, Hetty, we are.
How are we even related? Stephanie, can you come downstairs? There's something I want to show you.
Surprise! Surprise! What the hell is going on? It's prom night, 1987.
You made it.
Oh, my God, you did all this for me? So do you think she'll get sucked off now? Sucked off at prom? I suppose anything's possible.
Hmm.
Ooh! Okay.
Ooh, I'm gonna get dizzy.
- Come on, vertigo.
- Thor, talk to her.
Flower, it, uh, seems you are also here tonight.
Yeah, Thor, we're all are.
- Duh.
- What? Stephanie taught me that.
It's stupid.
Oh.
Look, I don't want to rush anything, but tonight is prom.
Also, only one night and Do you want to dance? Yes! So much easier when you ask.
Cool, cool, cool.
I touch you once, I touch you twice ♪ I won't let go ♪ At any price ♪ I need you now ♪ Like I need you then ♪ What's going on? I'm here to take you to prom.
If you'll have me.
Jay.
You got me a corsage? I got you the nicest corsage that I could find at the supermarket on a Sunday night.
Well, it's perfect.
Can I have this dance? - Oh, aren't we skipping a step? - What do you mean? Well, aren't you supposed to have your She's All That moment where you walk down the stairs and I'm like and you're like, "Mm, I'm so embarrassed," but then, like, you kind of love it, and then I also love it? Give me five minutes.
We drove a million miles ♪ To be with you tonight ♪ Alexa, play "Kiss Me.
" Playing "Kiss Me" by Sixpence None the Richer.
♪ Kiss me ♪ Out of the bearded barley ♪ - Nightly ♪ - Wow.
Beside the green, green grass ♪ Are you kidding me right now? On my prom night? You wear those shoes ♪ And I will wear that dress ♪ Oh, kiss me ♪ Beneath the milky twilight ♪ - You know, we could have what they have.
- No.
Thank you so much for decorating my room.
It's so bitchin' now.
Oh, Stephanie says thanks for decorating the room, Jay.
Oh, good, good, good.
I-I'm sorry, I'm just distracted.
Uh Josh just liked a bunch of my photos from a few years ago.
Oh, this trip is gonna be awkward.
Anyway, one final touch.
I know you like these guys.
That's my favorite band.
- Thank you, dude.
- I thought U2 was the website where creepy Todd's video made me famous.
Again, "famous" is a stretch, and I believe it's called WhoTube.
No, that's YouTube.
U2 is a popular rock band from Ireland.
- Oh, no.
- They're Irish? - That's lovely.
- Hetty Of all the bands in all the lands.
I can handle it.
- You should take it down.
- No, that's my poster.
- Take it down.
- That's my special new poster.
- Take it down! - No!