iCarly s01e17 Episode Script

Hey, Carly.
Hey, sam.
Watch me take off my glasses.
Cool.
I give "glasses with feet girl" an eight.
I give her a nine.
Seven.
But I give freddie a negative 2.
For what? Just for being you.
You know, they say When a girl constantly rips on a guy, it really just means she has a crush on him.
Yeah, but I wasn't rippin' on a guy.
I was rippin' on you.
Oh, yeah? That's right.
Hey, quit it, you two.
We gotta get through this and pick videos for our next webcast.
Okay.
Here's one from a kid Named, andy, who has a turtle.
Playin'.
Hi, icarly, and this is my pet turtle, his name is doctor Nub.
Doctor Nub? No way that turtle went to med school.
Roll over, Doctor Nub.
Come on, boy, roll over.
Ta-daa.
Zero.
Lame.
Negative nine.
Next.
Okay.
Here's one from two guys both named chris.
What-up, carly and sam? What is up, yo? I'm chris.
And i'm also chris.
And we're best buds.
BFBs.
I like chris, But chris kind of creeps me out.
Not only are we best buds.
We're also the world's greatest meat drummers.
Meat drummers? Okay, this is great.
Ten.
Ten.
And the best friend meat drummers gets to be on iCarly.
Yo, meat drummers.
Hey, speaking of best friends, you know what today is? The 25th? Yup.
No way.
What's the 25th? The five-year anniversary of when sam and I first met.
Yup.
I remember it like it was only five years ago.
Hey, I'm Sam.
Hi, I'm Carly.
Can I have that sandwich? No way, get your own.
You're all right.
Wow.
So, even back then, you were obnoxious and aggressive.
Yeah.
Can you believe we became friends a tuna sandwich? And now, you hate tuna.
No.
I hate the way that british chick In our history class says "tuna.
" Oh, yeah.
Tyooon-uh.
Oh, I just adore tyoooon-uh.
Tyooon-uh.
Yeah, don't play along, all right? Anyway, since it's our friendship anniversary, I got you a little somethin'.
Wait, you got me a present? Ta-daa.
Oh, you shouldn't have gotten--gimme it.
Whoa, you got me an iCarly t-shirt.
Look on the back.
Oh, it's our heads.
In shirt form.
This is so insane.
Oh, it's no big deal.
Oh, please.
I love this.
How great are you? I don't know.
Very? Hey, you know what i'm gonna get you? Oh, you don't have to get me-- Tickets to the Cuddlefish concert for next Friday night.
You and me, kid.
Well, that'd be awesome.
But, that concert's been sold out for months.
You let me worry about that.
I got ways, Carly Shay.
And you know what else i got? Pimples on your butt? He was smart to run.
In five, four, three, two.
I know you see.
Somehow the world will change for me and be so wonderful.
Live life, breathe air.
I know somehow we're gonna get there.
and feel so wonderful.
It's all for all real.
I'm telling you just how I feel.
So wake up the members of my nation.
It's your time to be.
There's no chance unless you take one.
And the time to see the better side of every situation.
Some things are meant to be.
So give it your best and leave the rest to me.
Leave it all to me.
Leave it all to me.
Just leave it all to me.
iCarly S01E17 iDon't Want to Fight Is Sam gone? Yeah, she left.
Good.
Then I won't be needing this.
I like this song.
Pretty romantic, huh? You feelin' the mood? Yeah, I'm feeling the mood.
I'm sad.
Why? I was just at a funeral.
In the bathroom? Yeah.
It's for my fish, reggie.
I loved that little guy.
Even as I dropped his lifeless carcass into the toilet.
You forgot to feed him again, didn't you? I'm not good with pets that eat on a regular basis.
You're lucky you know how to use the microwave.
I know, or else I'd be waving goodbye from spencer's toilet.
All right.
You just wait.
I'm gonna prove to you that I can be a good, responsible fish owner.
No, you're not getting another fish.
All right.
Starting right now.
I will not get another fish.
Move.
Why? Move.
I don't see--okay.
You already bought another fish.
His name is swimmy.
Could you step back a few feet? I get asked that a lot.
Hey, rodney, Can you hook me up with somethin'? Sure, but I'm with a customer right now.
So, you gotta wait.
Hurry.
Ah.
how about these? Whoa, Laotian tissues.
They're made from real peacock feathers.
Peacocks.
Twenty bucks.
Twenty? You care about your nose or not? You swear they're laotian? Guaranteed.
I'll take 'em.
Look at my foreign tissues.
Yes, your snot is very lucky.
Bye.
So soft.
Nice shirt.
iCarly.
Awesome web show.
Thanks.
You guys sell those shirts? Nah, this is one of a kind.
Listen, I need concert tickets.
You came to the right place.
I got Flaming Teeth, Backflesh, Yellow Day.
Cuddlefish.
This Friday.
That's a tough get.
How much? Hundred bucks.
A hundred? Each.
Well, I see why they call you Rip-off Rodney.
It's hurtful, yet appropriate.
Whatever.
Forget it.
I don't have 200 bucks.
Wait.
You up for a trade? What do you want? That shirt.
Why? 'cause icarly's a hot web show.
The more popular it gets, the more the shirt will be worth.
Trade? Spencer, have you seen sam? We got eight minutes till show time.
I haven't seen her.
Where is she? Ow, dang it.
What are you doing? Well, since i keep forgetting to feed my fish, I decided to use my sculpting skills to build an automatic fish feeder.
Maybe now Swimmy won't go hungry.
Oh, no.
Sadly swimmy went very hungry.
This is brock.
You only had swimmy for two days.
His last two days, actually.
But that's why I'm building the fish feeder to avoid another fish funeral.
I'm here, I'm here.
Don't freak.
Do you realize the show starts in-- Four minutes.
I better go polish my lens.
Where were you? Why didn't you call? Why are you wearing that shirt? I am wearing this hideous shirt because I got these.
Oh, my god.
Yeah? Cuddlefish tickets.
Yeah, baby, let it out.
Where'd you get these? They're totally sold out.
That guy rodney from school The dude who gets arrested all the time.
Oh, my god, he must have charged you a fortune.
Zero.
I traded him the shirt you gave me for the tickets.
You traded the shirt? Yeah.
Knuckle-touch.
I'm not touching your knuckles.
Why? They're clean.
I washed them yesterday, see? How could you trade the shirt that i made for you to some sleazy kid? Two minutes, guys.
Wait.
I didn't just give it away.
I traded the shirt for something you really wanted and something we can do together.
But that shirt was special.
It was the very first iCarly t-shirt, ever.
You know, I spent, like, two weeks makin' it for you? You said it was no big deal.
Oh, that's just something people say when they give you a present.
"Oh, it's no big deal.
" It's always a big deal.
Hey.
You know that icarly thing we do, yeah, it's time for that.
I can't believe you.
Look? Make me another shirt if you want after we go to the Cuddlefish concert.
I'm not going to the concert with you.
Oh, now, you're being ridiculous.
Better than being a gift-giver-awayer.
Just forget it.
Fine.
Don't go to the concert.
- I won't.
- I don't even care.
I care way less than you care.
You don't know how much i don't care.
Oh, all you ever think about is ham.
I'd rather have a shirt made of ham.
I can't believe you just gave it away.
I can't believe we're having this stupid conversation.
Don't talk to me.
I'm not talkin' to you.
If i'm saying you're talking to me, You're talking to me.
It is not.
Just don't talk to me.
Don't talk to me.
Fine.
Fine.
Whatever.
Whatevs.
Oh, why would I make you another one? Good, 'cause I don't want another one.
I thought you said you weren't gonna talk to me.
I'll stop when you stop talkin' to me.
Don't you give me ultimatums.
Don't use words I can't understand.
You clearly don't care about my feelings.
And you clearly won't stop talkin' to me.
Yeah, 'cause you keep sucking me back into the conversation.
Ten seconds.
Why don't you just forget about the shirt and the concert? Fine.
Good 'cause I'm takin' Melanie Katz to see Cuddlefish with me.
Oh, like, you're such good friends with melanie katz.
That's right.
Melanie katz is my best friend.
Then you should know she's been in the hospital Since last christmas.
So, I forgot.
We're live.
Hola, senors.
And senoritas.
Welcome to icarly.
May-yammo carly.
And you may-yammo me sam.
Okay.
Before we do our thing-- We're startin' off the show with a viewer-submitted video.
Check out this clip of a little girl giving her mom a big surprise.
Okay, honey.
Open your next present.
Oh, this is a big one.
Happy birthday, mommy.
Poor mom had no idea that was comin'.
Heck of a birthday present.
Yes.
A present I'm sure that little girl's mom wouldn't trade for anything since it came from someone she cares about.
Yeah, but I bet if she traded it for something that they could both do together, The daughter would have been happy and not freaked out about it like a psycho maniac.
Maybe you should just do the show without me.
No, you do without me.
Don't you walk away from me, Sam.
Too late, I already did.
cause you know what you did was wrong.
Keep dreamin'.
Why don't you ever just admit what you did was wrong and apologize? Why don't you quit yappin' before you get on my last nerve? You can never back down, Can you? I got no reason to back down.
What you did was horrible.
Your attitude is horrible.
Oh, is it? Sure is.
Icarly is experiencing technical difficulties.
Hey, sam, love my shirt.
Would you guys just quit fighting and make up already? Sure.
As soon as sam apologizes.
I've got nothing to apologize for.
And neither do I.
Okay.
okay.
This is so stupid.
You guys are best friends.
Were best friends.
Hey.
And what about icarly? If you two hate each other, what's gonna happen to the show? think about our fans and me.
Without icarly, I'm back to painting clay mugs with my mom at "Color Me Pot.
" Maybe freddie is right.
Yeah.
Maybe things got a little out of control.
This whole thing happened cause we were trying to do something nice for each other.
So-- If i say, "I'm sorry," will you? Sure.
Look, Sam, I didn't mean to say that-- Oh, man, sam, thank you so much for taking me to the Cuddlefish concert.
It was the most awesome concert ever.
Remember at the end when they played "Rock Me, Love Me," And we held up our cell phones illuminate the darkness? Whoa, I have to go to algebra class.
Bye.
You went to the concert? And you took tareen? Oh, no.
You refused to go.
I wasn't just gonna waste the tickets.
You got those for us.
They were so close.
You said you weren't gonna come right before you called me a gift-giver-awayer.
I can't believe I almost made up with you.
Back at you.
You were about to hug.
Why were you just slamming those lockers? But I wasn't.
You see it was that-- Come with me.
Hey, Spencer.
Hey, Fred-o.
Carly's not home yet.
I know.
But can I still come in though?? Do you need to borrow money? -No.
-Please come in.
What's the matter? You look glum.
I am glum.
Why so glum? Can we stop saying glum? Sure.
Carly and sam are still fighting.
Yeah, I've been worried about carly.
She's been really glum--glumpy.
Things haven't gotten better? They've gotten the opposite of better.
So, worse.
Uh-huh.
And we have to do the web show tonight.
But they'll probably just start screamin' at each other, And I'll have to fake technical difficulties and go-- --again.
Look, in my life, I've learned a thing or two about girls.
Like? Like, when you break up with them, they do not like it when you ask out their sister.
That'll get you a fork in your arm.
How does this help me? Look, when girls get mad about something, they just wanna be told they're right.
Well, then, that's a big problem, cause Carly and Sam can't both be right.
Or can they? No, you're right, they can't.
So, do you have anything helpful to say here? Helpful? Yeah.
No.
But hey, you wanna check out my automatic fish feeder? I'm making it a lot more complicated than it needs to be.
Why? 'cause it's fun.
It's not finished yet, but check it out.
Okay.
This car is gonna go around this track, hit this thing, hit that tank, shoot at that target, Spill fish flakes into that bowl.
Here we go.
Swimmy.
I thought that was brock.
Brock.
That was close.
Brock is okay.
Okay.
I'm gonna see if i can think of a way to fix things with Carly and Sam.
Think well, Fred-o.
I wanna start off doin' my impression of a cat in a dishwasher.
I told you, we're starting with the mexican jump-rope bit.
That bit stinks.
Your attitude stinks and I'm in charge of what we do on "icarly.
" Well, I'm doin' the cat in a dishwasher.
Mexican jump-rope.
Wrong, both of you.
What? Tonight, I'm in charge of how we're starting the show.
Look, you just point your little camera, tech boy.
Yeah, don't tell us how-- We start the show how I say, or you guys can get yourself a new tech producer.
He's bluffin'.
I don't bluff.
Okay, I was bluffin' when i said i don't bluff, but i'm serious about quittin'.
Fine, what do you want us to do? Go put your hair in ponytails.
- Why? - Why do you want-- Ponytails! Okay.
We'll put our hair in ponytails.
No need to be so assertive.
Bossy.
And in five, Four, three, two.
Hello people of earth and beyond.
This is a little web show we like to call "iCarly.
" I'm carly.
And I'm sam.
And I'm freddie.
Now, usually, I'm behind the camera.
Where you should be.
But tonight, we're gonna shake it up a little bit.
Can't wait.
Yay.
See, carly and sam are in a big fight.
And both girls think they're right.
I am right.
You am wrong.
You am obnoxious.
See? But this fight is gonna end tonight because you, the fans of "iCarly," are gonna decide who's right by voting online, after the show, right here at iCarly.
com.
So what does this have to do with tying up our ponytails? I was getting to that.
Both girls are about to give their sides of the story.
But, if either girl interrupts, says something insulting, or yells, her ponytail will be yanked.
Hard.
This is ridiculous.
I ain't doin' this.
Ow.
Very good.
And now, the first girl to speak will be carly.
Boo.
She pressed the boo button.
Ow.
Drop the remote.
Carly, you may begin.
Okay.
It started when i gave sam an "icarly" t-shirt that i worked so hard to make.
It was a really special gift, and then she traded it for concert tickets.
You wanted to go to that concert--ow.
To that concert--ow.
It's Carly's turn.
But she--but i just--well, just let me say--I'll be quiet.
I put a lot of thought into that gift and then Sam just traded it away.
And then she went to the concert without me.
But-- And Sam still hasn't apologized for trading away a present that I made her.
Mmm-hmm.
Very nice.
Now sam, you may give your side of the story.
Finally.
Okay, first off, carly said the shirt was no big deal.
And the tickets I got were for Cuddlefish, a concert Carly told me she was dying to go to.
It's her favorite band.
Let the record show that Carly is fond of Cuddlefish.
So, yeah, I traded the shirt, but it was to get something carly wanted a lot, something the two of us could've done together.
And Carly refused to go to the concert so-- I would've gone with you if you'd just apologized.
She interrupted me.
Yank her ponytail.
No, I'm gonna allow it.
Why? Because I love her.
Give me the rope.
You're not the rope-keeper.
It hurts.
Stop.
You guys stop it.
You stop.
You're missing the point of this activity.
Knock it off, you guys-- Stop it.
--you're stressing your ponytails.
My hair feels like it was attacked by a vacuum cleaner.
Mine feels like it was yanked by a Freddie.
Could you please just hurry up and count up the votes? Okay.
Now, before I tell you who won, do you guys promise to accept the decision? Loser apologizes? - Sure.
- Okay.
Then here we go.
Sam, the number of "iCarly" viewers who think you're right, I got 693 votes.
And how many votes did i get? Seven hundred and five.
Ha.
looks like-- Wait.
I put up a third option for them to vote for.
- Huh? - What? First button says carly's right.
Second button said sam's right.
The third button said, "carly and sam are both acting dumb, "and they should just make up and be friends again.
" How many people voted for that one? Our fans don't like it when best friends fight.
Neither do I.
Oh, Sam, you're crying.
No.
Freddie is just such a dork, it makes me emotional sometimes.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Oh, I see hugging.
Does everyone like each other again? Yes.
Excellent.
I say this calls for a lovely fish dinner.
You're cooking fish? No.
We're feeding dinner to a fish.
My fish.
I run to the kitchen.
See, I finished my automatic fish feeder.
Are you children ready? - Ready.
- Oh, yeah.
Thank you.
thank you.
Thank you very much.
And now, I shall never again forget to feed my fish.
But wait, Don't you still have to remember to put that ball back at the top every day? I'm going to bed.
You're takin' him back To the pet store? Yep.
Hi, Carly, Sam, and Freddie.
These balls are for you.
iCarly rocks.