Kung Fu Panda Legends Of Awesomeness (2011) s01e17 Episode Script

- And now dreamworks' kung fu panda: legends of awesomeness.
[Gong rings.]
- hear the legends of the kung fu panda [Scatting.]
raised in a noodle shop never seeking glory or fame he climbed the mountaintop and earned the dragon warrior name Ooh! Ahh! Yah! kung fu panda [Scatting.]
master shifu saw the warrior blossom and master the skills of bodacious and awesome kung fu panda [Scatting.]
he lives and he trains and he fights with the furious five protect the valley something something something something alive Ooh! Yah! Ungh! kung fu panda legends of awesomeness Sweet! - [Grunting.]
[Heavy thuds.]
- Dad, are we almost there? - Yes, no thanks to you.
[Grunts.]
you could give me a hand With this you know, bian zao.
- Do i have to? - [Sighs.]
the oracle said I shouldn't tell you what you have to do, Because self-Esteem can't be optimized Without sufficient personal-Decision latitude.
However, it would be very nice of you To offer your father some help.
- But i don't have to? - [Grunts.]
no! [Panting.]
- Dad, some guys are here to see you.
- [Chewing.]
hey there.
- Let's do this.
[Grunts.]
[All grunting.]
[Evil laugh.]
[Laughs.]
oh! - [Grunts.]
Ooh! - [Laughs.]
behold! You are no match For my iron claws of doom! - [Sighs.]
- [Grunts.]
- Ooh! - [Laughs, screams.]
Ooh! - And now, panda-- What? [Metallic squeaks.]
Bian zao, i told you to lubricate the claws! - No, you asked me if i would do you a favor And lubricate the claws.
- [Growls.]
I hate this part.
[Series of screams, crashes.]
Waa! [Crash.]
- It's chor ghom prison for you, taotie.
- That's just great! [Clank.]
Now i gotta go down all these stairs? - Awesome job, guys.
Looks like i'm going to be early for my nap.
- Uh, what about him? - [Sighs.]
- He didn't really do anything.
You can skedaddle, junior.
You're free to go.
- Where? - Away.
- Fine.
- Fine.
- Great.
- Great.
- Perfect! - That's what i said! - I'm going.
- Go.
- Gone! - Anywhere you want.
- I'll be gone.
- Just go.
- Here i go.
- Good.
- Oh, whatever, dumpling boy! - you're the dumpling boy! [Thunderclap.]
[Yawns.]
Hmm? What? - The storm keeping you up too? - Huh? No.
I mean, yes.
I mean, ugh! He's still out there, taotie's kid.
- I see.
We're going down there.
- Sweet! Farewell, squatter.
Free ride's over, bian zao.
Shifu, let him have it.
- Bian zao.
- Whatever.
- As the master of the jade palace - Ha-Ha.
- I invite you to come inside.
- Bow! You hear that, pal? You gotta--Wha-- Come inside? I'm sorry, we're doing what now? - We're bound by tradition, po.
His father studied with me here.
And while we may not accept taotie's actions, We accept his legacy-- Bian zao.
[Gong rings.]
- [Sips.]
- But he's a bad guy.
Well, bad-Ish.
We can't just have him walk around the jade palace Without supervision.
- Indeed.
That's why you are in charge of him.
Both: what? - See what you can do.
Maybe you can reform him.
- I'll try, but he's pretty hopeless.
[Sips.]
- So at first, i was like, "Me, a babysitter? I'm the dragon warrior, Not the baby warrior sitter guy.
" Then i thought, "bian zao and i Are probably about the same age.
" So how old are you? - 13.
- Okay, so we're a lot not the same.
Anyway i say Let's make a clean start and have some fun.
- How about you just put me in jail? - First off, i'm gonna call you bz, 'Cause it's cool, and you're cool.
What do you think, bz? - Lame.
- All righty, so there's the hall With the training equipment your dad built.
- Lame.
- And this is where we put all your dad's machines Every time we defeat him.
Getting pretty full in here.
- Lame.
- Showers, latrine, kitchen.
- Lame, lame, lame.
- Is there anything you don't think is lame? - [Mumbling.]
i don't know.
- You know what? We're gonna find something.
And if anyone knows what's un-Lame, It's the po-Man.
Yeah, bz and the po-Man, having fun, right? Right, bz? The beezmaster? Beezy-Weezy po-Por-Eezi? Ha-Ha.
- I hate you so much right now.
- Behold! - Dolls? - They're action figures! Don't ever call themdolls! Let me show you.
[Kung fu shouts.]
You're not playing.
[Kung fu shouts.]
More fun when you play.
[Kung fu shouts.]
Ka! I'm telling you, dad, he doesn't like anything.
- Oh, po.
You used to hate everything but kung fu.
However, there was one thing you showed interest in.
- [Hums.]
Andvoila! - Baking? Like making cookies and cakes and junk? L-A-M-- [Grunts.]
[Mumbling, swallows.]
This is pretty good.
- Darn tooting.
Po and i loved to bake together When he was a boy.
[Chuckles.]
We still do, don't we? Who's a good boy? - [Laughs.]
- Who's a good boy? - [Laughs.]
- Okay, son.
Teach him well.
But don't give him the mooncake recipe.
Family secret.
- So you, like, do stuff With your dad on purpose? - Sure.
All the time.
I mean, you only get one dad.
- Does he make you go with him When he tries to conquer the world? - Uh, my dad doesn't really conquer stuff.
- My dad spends all his time building machines To destroy the jade palace and, you know, you.
I just wish me and dad could hang out without, You know, trying to blow something up.
- Hey.
Your dad's got nothing but time to hang out, Now that he's in jail.
You should go visit him.
And you could bake him a cake to break the ice! Yes! Score one for the po-Man.
Up high.
- Whatever.
[Keys jingle.]
[Footsteps.]
- Son? - Yes.
and he baked you a cake Okay, i baked it, but i'm gonna teach him how.
- I'm so glad to see you, son.
Uh Do you mind? - Oh, right.
You probably want some private time together.
You don't want some guy standing here While you're trying to-- - Do you mind? - I'll just go now.
- Sothose buffoons are treating you okay At the jade palace? - I guess.
That lame panda wants to teach me how to bake.
- Huh? Baking? You know, i once made A 30-Foot tall mechanical cream puff That shot flaming custard out of its-- Son? - All you ever do is work, talk about work, Work some more, and then figure out Why your work never works.
It's-- - Lame? You're right, son.
Being a half-Crazed megalomaniac takes up a lot of my time.
But if you help me break out of here, I promise we'll have some decidedly Non-Diabolical "us" time.
- Promise? - Promise.
Now you bake those cakes with the panda, Then sneak me the pieces of my iron claws of doom, And i'll bust out of here.
- This isn't just some way you can go wreak vengeance And stuff, is it? - Nope, just you and me, Doing regular dad-Son stuff.
Laugh with me, son.
Ha-Ha! - [Begrudging laugh.]
[Keys jingle.]
[Door creaks.]
- Hey, thereyou.
Um, settling in okay? - Yes, sir.
- [Sighs.]
- Soare you ready to embark On the awesome adventure that is baking? Ooh! - Whatev--I mean, [False enthusiasm.]
yes, let us embark, For i am excited.
- [Hums.]
we're baking, we're baking don't know what we're making look, my butt is shaking while we're baking, baking, baking Bian zao, check this out.
stoking the fire stoking the fire [scat singing.]
stoking the fire [Softly.]
stoking the fire [With gusto.]
stoking the fire [Bellows puffs.]
And Voila! Look at that beauty.
Now don't feel bad if yours doesn't-- Wow, bz! Nice! I'm proud of you.
- You're what? - Proud.
- Never heard that from my dad.
- I'm sorry, what? - I'm sorry, wha-- I said, "lame.
" - stoking the fire - You the panda, po! - No, sir.
You the duck! - Hi, po.
- Hey, um, po, When you walk around town, People don't throw stuff at you.
- Well, why would they? - They throw stuff at my dad.
- Well, he does, you know, attack people With giant, evil contraptiony machines That destroy things, Which is something i try to avoid.
- Yeah.
You know, you're not completely lame.
[Clinking spoon.]
- stoking the fire stoking the fire [scat singing.]
[Softly.]
stoking the fire - stoking the fire [Door clanks.]
[Scat singing.]
Both: stoking the fire [Both scat singing.]
stoking the fire Both: stoking the fire - Son, thanks to you, One more piece, and the iron claws of doom Will be more powerful than ever.
I--I'm proud of you.
- [Soft grunt.]
You're like the little warthog brother i never had.
- 'Cause of you, things are better with me and my dad.
I mean, when he gets out of jail-- - [Maniacal laughter.]
Yah! Yah! Yah! Yah! [Evil laughter.]
[Knife sharpening.]
You carve, son! After all, this meal is all Because of you.
- I can't do it.
I can't bring this to my dad.
- What got up his exhaust vent? - I don't know.
- Po.
- What? I wasn't gonna eatmuch.
- Bian zao made that for his father.
What if you baked a cake for me? Would you want someone else to eat it? - Lame.
[Door slides.]
- Son.
You're finally-- - Hey, there.
- You? - Bian zao couldn't make it.
- Youbrought me a cake? - Is this awkward? - Not at all! I have loads of archenemies who bring me baked goods.
At last! Freedom! [Titters.]
is what eating this cake Will be like a little taste of.
- Yeah, well, enjoy your freedom.
Bye.
[Door slides shut, locks.]
- Thanks for the cake, dragon warrior.
What a shame i'll be using it To obliterate you! [Evil laugh.]
[Muted bump.]
- [Panting.]
[Strong exhale.]
- Um, po? I got to tell you something.
- [Grunts.]
hang on.
I just walked all the way To chor ghom prison and back.
[Grunts.]
- You what? - Your dad really appreciated that cake.
He said, uh-- - You took the cake to my dad? Oh, no! Game over, man.
- What's the big deal? - That's what i got to tell you.
There was something in the cake.
- Ain't no laws when you got the claws! And they are lubricated this time, baby! Lubricated! - Taotie is coming! - What? - We put him in jail.
- I know, but i just brought him The last piece he needed To rebuild the iron claws of doom! - You brought him the last-- Wait.
Where did he get the other ones? - Itricked po, And smuggled the pieces in to my dad.
- Yeah, you did.
And that was-- - Lame.
- Big deal.
Taotie's never Been able to beat us before.
- He says his iron claws are more powerful than ever.
- It's possible he'll never make it here.
He's here.
[Boom.]
- Hello, son.
Glad you could be here to witness the debut Of my new, improved, super-Lubricated Iron claws of doom.
You see? Continually self-Lubricating.
[Liquid swishes.]
Isn't it awesome? - Dad, you said-- - I know but when we're done here, We'll go skip some rocks And play a sporting activity.
Now duck! By the way, Thanks to you all for caring for my son.
Now eat chain! [All grunting.]
- Hiyah! - Yah! Yah! [Grunting.]
[Chains clink.]
- This is fairly undignified.
- [Groans.]
- Hyah! [Grunts.]
Ooh! - [Gasps.]
oof! [Chains clink.]
- Nopapanda.
I'll handle this.
[Bang.]
or you can handle it.
- Stay here and keep down.
'Cause with any luck there's going to be Machine parts flying everywhere in a second.
- But i want to help.
- Help who? - Son! [Clanking.]
ugh! [Clanking.]
dang! Out of chains! Looks like we'll have to fight, Mano aclaw-O Yah! - [Grunts.]
Ah! Man! What are those iron claws of doom made of? - Iron.
- Oh, thought it was just a name.
I mean, i'm the dragon warrior, But i'm not made of dragon.
[Yells.]
[Grunts.]
- Come on! Is that all you got? - Not quite.
- Yah! - [Growls.]
[Clang.]
yah! - [Maniacal laughter.]
- [Kung fu shout.]
- Po! - Whah! [Evil laugh.]
- Dad! Po! - [Growls.]
- Ah! [Both grunting.]
- It would seem we're evenly matched.
- Need something to shift the balance.
- Yeah.
Help me.
I'm your father! - Help me.
I'm your buddy! - I gave you life! - I gave you a cool nickname! - I'll raise your allowance! - I'll give you the mooncake recipe! - Oh, man! Moral dilemma.
Lame! - Way to go! You scared him off! - Me? You're the one Who was all, "i gave you life!" That's just creepy.
[Blast.]
- Son! - Bz? Yes! Air attack! - Dad, grab on! - What? Ooh! - [Maniacal laughter.]
You are the greatest son in the world! - And you are the greatest dad inthe family.
- Okay.
Now swoop down by his melon head, so i can-- - Oops! I accidentally knocked something loose, On accident.
- What the-- Not the lubrication hose! Oh! Oh, and i was winning too! - Sorry.
- Thanks, buddy.
- They're getting away.
- They'll be back.
But we did some good here today.
We brought a family closer together.
- You're too high! - Whatever, dad.
- Lower! Lower! [Screams, grunts.]
- Uh, sort of.