Metalocalypse (2006) s01e17 Episode Script
Dethclown
That's what I'm talking about! I do cocaine.
~ Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Dethklok, Dethklok Dethklok, Dethklok ~ ~ I'll teach you ~ ~ Who rock ~ ~ Dethklok! Dethklok! ~ ~ Skwisgaar Skwigelf Taller than a tree ~ ~ Toki Wartooth Not a bumble bee ~ ~ William Murderface Murderface, Murderface ~ ~ Pickles the Drummer Doodily doo ~ ~ Ding-dong Doodily doodily doo ~ ~ Nathan Explosion ~ Toki, what were you thinking? Hanging out with clowns? Why didn't you call us? You've got a cell phone.
- Why don't you use it? - And going out all night long with guns? - Where were you? - You know, guns are They're cool.
So What am I saying here? - Back off, jack off.
It wasn't his fault.
- You shut up.
Gives that clown a little bit of a smack.
- Hey! That's my friend! - Your friend! Drunks driving before a tour, shooting the guns! He's not a real friend, no.
What kinds of a friend takes you on such a godless endeavor as that? What if you hurt your pinky finger, huh?! No more tour! - Yeah, what if you hurt your hands? - Yeah, you're being a selfish prick.
I woke up with a clown's hand in my pants.
That's what I did today.
Yeah, I mean, what the f, Toki? There's no such thing as clowns! Oh, come on! How come I can'ts have a friend that's a clown?! He makes me laugh! We care about you! I should be asleep right now.
- This is a waste of time.
- He smells like piss.
- It's metal to like clown.
- No! No, it's not metal.
'Cause it's not metal.
We know that trick.
It's true.
Clowns are statististically the most hated of all creatures.
Statisticallys or not, but just don't likes this guy.
OK, look, it's late.
Let's just all calm down and discuss this in the morning.
May we offer you a ride home? - Very well.
- OK, calls you later.
Give him whatever he wants.
Put the boots to him, medium-style.
Walk home, clown.
Satellite photos reveal something very disturbing at Mordhaus last night.
One of the members of Dethklok was joyriding with a clown A rock 'n' roll clown.
General Crozier.
His name is Dr.
Rockso.
He's the rock 'n' roll clown.
He does cocaine.
And I'm afraid that's all we know.
It is the fool that tempts fate.
The fool can be the fly on the back of the beast.
- I think we should bring him in.
- Yes.
I suppose we have to deal with nefarious characters to get close to Dethklok.
It sounds like crap.
What's wrong with you? I just can't seem to get comfortable.
I ran out of clean underwear so I'm wearing a bathing suit.
- Bathing suit? - What, not wear underwear? - Yeah, it's called free-balling.
- Yeah.
I only wear underwear about Like, 4, 65 Otherwise, I'm, honestly just free-balling.
- That's Really? - Oh, yeah.
In Sweden, underwear is, the kinky stuff.
You know, worn as a fetish.
Yeah, but, the exciting sexual stuff is, you know, always free-balling.
Free-balling, huh? I'll give it a try.
You know, I feel pretty good.
This free-balling is amazing! You'll be paid to gather whatever you can with this camera in your hat.
And no f around, got that, candy nose? Oh, you just keep that cabbage coming, Daddy-o and Dr.
Rockso's gonna get you what you want the way you want it.
Now, which one of you humps got a cigarette for Dr.
Rockso?! Just calm down and be careful.
And watch out for this guy.
He means business.
Stay away from him.
- I do cocaine! - Yes, I know.
Make sure no one sees you taking him out of here.
Rock 'n' roll clown.
You actually has been playing the almost the bass that cans be listened to lately, Murderface.
You know, maybes we even turns it up on the next album.
- Yeah, what's wrong? - I think it's this free-balling.
Pickles, I cannot thank you enough.
If only the whole world free-balled.
Hey, what do those Arabs wear under their dresses? Free-ball.
Oh, that's Dr.
Rockso.
Yeah, I invites him over.
No big deal.
Oh, no! Toki! You don't have to overscompensate, all right.
We's pays more attentions to you.
Screw that psychological mumbo-jumbos.
- I just likes to laugh.
- Hey, don't run.
It's wet! I thought we agreed, no clowns! No, we didn't agreed on nothing.
We just all yelled and then he was beaten.
- That's was our conclusions.
- Oh, damn.
- I don't want that asshole around here.
- Oh, boy.
Get ready for a lots of screamings.
Normally that painted dildo would piss me off but lately I've made friends with a distinguished old gentleman sitting on two duffle bags.
I'm free downstairs.
Think about it.
It's me, Dr.
Rockso, the rock 'n' roll clown! I cracks up every time.
- Hey, Rockso.
- Wipe your feet before you come in here.
Hey, business man.
What you do for a living, sell shoes? May I have a short word with you? Oh, yeah! You are short.
He is short.
Well, Rockso, Toki really seems to like you a great deal.
So, our home is your home.
Mi casa su casa, baby.
Yes, but remember, just stay in the main room.
And I need you to sign this confidentiality agreement and pain waiver.
- And what if I don't want to? - Try me.
Come on now.
Rockso's just pulling your chain.
You did have my ass beat though.
That hurts.
Well, just stay in the main room and we'll be fine.
Have fun.
Who wants to watch a rock-sclusive Dr.
Rockso music video?! Oh, me! This gots to be hilarious! I'd rather die than watch your video.
How about that? I caught that.
But that's OK.
Dr.
Rockso forgives ya.
Now, I'm gonna show you boys that you're not the only ones who know how to rock.
This one was banned from music television because you could see my junk through my jumpsuit.
I believe that is known as free-balling.
It's called I'm just a rock 'n' roll clown.
~ Come on, girls! ~ ~ Rock all day ~ ~ Sniff that line ~ ~ Roll that money ~ ~ No more clowning around for you ~ ~ Got it bad ~ ~ Need to get some more ~ ~ They say it's gonna snow ~ ~ Gonna put white Christmas ~ ~ Up my nose ~ ~ I ain't no weatherman Don't know if it gonna rain ~ ~'Cause I'm the rock 'n' roll clown ~ ~ I do a lot of cocaine ~ ~ One of these days They gonna take me away ~ ~'Cause I'm Dr.
Rockso and I do cocaine ~ What's that, judge? Oh, why is my nose bleeding? Oh, well, you see I fell down! Find something interesting in there, did you? Easy, Rockso.
Easy.
Don't you think you might have had a little too much cocaine? Back off, man.
Leave me alone.
Hey, that's my driving gun.
Dude, you're not supposed to wear clothes in the hot tub.
I'm free-balling.
I told you he was funny.
Wait.
See where he goes.
~ I do cocaine ~
~ Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Dethklok, Dethklok Dethklok, Dethklok ~ ~ I'll teach you ~ ~ Who rock ~ ~ Dethklok! Dethklok! ~ ~ Skwisgaar Skwigelf Taller than a tree ~ ~ Toki Wartooth Not a bumble bee ~ ~ William Murderface Murderface, Murderface ~ ~ Pickles the Drummer Doodily doo ~ ~ Ding-dong Doodily doodily doo ~ ~ Nathan Explosion ~ Toki, what were you thinking? Hanging out with clowns? Why didn't you call us? You've got a cell phone.
- Why don't you use it? - And going out all night long with guns? - Where were you? - You know, guns are They're cool.
So What am I saying here? - Back off, jack off.
It wasn't his fault.
- You shut up.
Gives that clown a little bit of a smack.
- Hey! That's my friend! - Your friend! Drunks driving before a tour, shooting the guns! He's not a real friend, no.
What kinds of a friend takes you on such a godless endeavor as that? What if you hurt your pinky finger, huh?! No more tour! - Yeah, what if you hurt your hands? - Yeah, you're being a selfish prick.
I woke up with a clown's hand in my pants.
That's what I did today.
Yeah, I mean, what the f, Toki? There's no such thing as clowns! Oh, come on! How come I can'ts have a friend that's a clown?! He makes me laugh! We care about you! I should be asleep right now.
- This is a waste of time.
- He smells like piss.
- It's metal to like clown.
- No! No, it's not metal.
'Cause it's not metal.
We know that trick.
It's true.
Clowns are statististically the most hated of all creatures.
Statisticallys or not, but just don't likes this guy.
OK, look, it's late.
Let's just all calm down and discuss this in the morning.
May we offer you a ride home? - Very well.
- OK, calls you later.
Give him whatever he wants.
Put the boots to him, medium-style.
Walk home, clown.
Satellite photos reveal something very disturbing at Mordhaus last night.
One of the members of Dethklok was joyriding with a clown A rock 'n' roll clown.
General Crozier.
His name is Dr.
Rockso.
He's the rock 'n' roll clown.
He does cocaine.
And I'm afraid that's all we know.
It is the fool that tempts fate.
The fool can be the fly on the back of the beast.
- I think we should bring him in.
- Yes.
I suppose we have to deal with nefarious characters to get close to Dethklok.
It sounds like crap.
What's wrong with you? I just can't seem to get comfortable.
I ran out of clean underwear so I'm wearing a bathing suit.
- Bathing suit? - What, not wear underwear? - Yeah, it's called free-balling.
- Yeah.
I only wear underwear about Like, 4, 65 Otherwise, I'm, honestly just free-balling.
- That's Really? - Oh, yeah.
In Sweden, underwear is, the kinky stuff.
You know, worn as a fetish.
Yeah, but, the exciting sexual stuff is, you know, always free-balling.
Free-balling, huh? I'll give it a try.
You know, I feel pretty good.
This free-balling is amazing! You'll be paid to gather whatever you can with this camera in your hat.
And no f around, got that, candy nose? Oh, you just keep that cabbage coming, Daddy-o and Dr.
Rockso's gonna get you what you want the way you want it.
Now, which one of you humps got a cigarette for Dr.
Rockso?! Just calm down and be careful.
And watch out for this guy.
He means business.
Stay away from him.
- I do cocaine! - Yes, I know.
Make sure no one sees you taking him out of here.
Rock 'n' roll clown.
You actually has been playing the almost the bass that cans be listened to lately, Murderface.
You know, maybes we even turns it up on the next album.
- Yeah, what's wrong? - I think it's this free-balling.
Pickles, I cannot thank you enough.
If only the whole world free-balled.
Hey, what do those Arabs wear under their dresses? Free-ball.
Oh, that's Dr.
Rockso.
Yeah, I invites him over.
No big deal.
Oh, no! Toki! You don't have to overscompensate, all right.
We's pays more attentions to you.
Screw that psychological mumbo-jumbos.
- I just likes to laugh.
- Hey, don't run.
It's wet! I thought we agreed, no clowns! No, we didn't agreed on nothing.
We just all yelled and then he was beaten.
- That's was our conclusions.
- Oh, damn.
- I don't want that asshole around here.
- Oh, boy.
Get ready for a lots of screamings.
Normally that painted dildo would piss me off but lately I've made friends with a distinguished old gentleman sitting on two duffle bags.
I'm free downstairs.
Think about it.
It's me, Dr.
Rockso, the rock 'n' roll clown! I cracks up every time.
- Hey, Rockso.
- Wipe your feet before you come in here.
Hey, business man.
What you do for a living, sell shoes? May I have a short word with you? Oh, yeah! You are short.
He is short.
Well, Rockso, Toki really seems to like you a great deal.
So, our home is your home.
Mi casa su casa, baby.
Yes, but remember, just stay in the main room.
And I need you to sign this confidentiality agreement and pain waiver.
- And what if I don't want to? - Try me.
Come on now.
Rockso's just pulling your chain.
You did have my ass beat though.
That hurts.
Well, just stay in the main room and we'll be fine.
Have fun.
Who wants to watch a rock-sclusive Dr.
Rockso music video?! Oh, me! This gots to be hilarious! I'd rather die than watch your video.
How about that? I caught that.
But that's OK.
Dr.
Rockso forgives ya.
Now, I'm gonna show you boys that you're not the only ones who know how to rock.
This one was banned from music television because you could see my junk through my jumpsuit.
I believe that is known as free-balling.
It's called I'm just a rock 'n' roll clown.
~ Come on, girls! ~ ~ Rock all day ~ ~ Sniff that line ~ ~ Roll that money ~ ~ No more clowning around for you ~ ~ Got it bad ~ ~ Need to get some more ~ ~ They say it's gonna snow ~ ~ Gonna put white Christmas ~ ~ Up my nose ~ ~ I ain't no weatherman Don't know if it gonna rain ~ ~'Cause I'm the rock 'n' roll clown ~ ~ I do a lot of cocaine ~ ~ One of these days They gonna take me away ~ ~'Cause I'm Dr.
Rockso and I do cocaine ~ What's that, judge? Oh, why is my nose bleeding? Oh, well, you see I fell down! Find something interesting in there, did you? Easy, Rockso.
Easy.
Don't you think you might have had a little too much cocaine? Back off, man.
Leave me alone.
Hey, that's my driving gun.
Dude, you're not supposed to wear clothes in the hot tub.
I'm free-balling.
I told you he was funny.
Wait.
See where he goes.
~ I do cocaine ~