Milo Murphy's Law (2016) s01e17 Episode Script
We're Going to the Zoo
1 [TITLE MUSIC.]
# Look at that sun Look at that sky # # Look at my sweater vest I look so fly # # Look at that mailbox Look at that tree # # It's about as beautiful as it can be # # Whoa # Today is gonna be exceptional Never boring even for a minute # It's my world and we're all livin' in it # # Whoa, whoa # Never boring even for a minute # It's my world and we're all livin' in it # The school needs these for the clothing donation drive by tomorrow.
So, we've got to make some tough decisions.
- Hey, where's Melissa today? - She said she had to study.
Out, boy! Those are all clean.
- Well, not anymore.
- Hmm.
Remind me.
What happened to these platypus pajamas? [SCREAMS.]
Hot chocolate.
No, I mean, why are they teal? Aren't platypuses brown? Someone's idea of "artsy.
" Diogee, out! [DOG WHIMPERS.]
I better store them someplace safe until tomorrow.
- Away from Diogee.
- Oh, yeah.
It's Diogee that causes all the problems around here.
Mom, I'm storing the giveaways in your closet to keep them away from Diogee.
BRIGETTE: Tuna casserole.
But not until six! [PANTING.]
Did you know that "donation" comes from the Latin word "donare" meaning "to give"? Nobody cares, Jim.
Here you go, sir.
Sorry, clothes only.
Suitcase donations are on Tuesdays.
- [SCREAMS.]
You didn't! - Didn't what? Give away Mom's collection of rock concert T-shirts! Uh-oh.
Her shirts must've fallen in by mistake.
We got to get them back now, guys! - Those T-shirts are important to Mom.
- How do you know that? These T-shirts are so important to me.
I don't believe that was a real conversation.
Oh, right.
You're guys.
You don't talk about your feelings.
Well, not our feelings about clothes.
Well, we've got to get them back, because Mom and Dad are going to an '80s party and she's planning on wearing her vintage swag, tonight! - In one hour! - She hasn't worn them in years, and we lost them one hour before she needs them? - What are the odds? - Even money.
Yep, even money.
[DOORBELL TINKLES.]
- Mr.
Drako, what are you doing here? - I volunteer on weekends.
You can find the coolest stuff.
Look, a black cape, like I'm a superhero that's evil.
[LAUGHS EVILLY.]
Um, Mr.
Drako, I accidentally donated some of my mom's favorite T-shirts.
- Do you think we could get them back? - Hmm Flea infested underwear, flea infested socks, flea infested mattress.
Oh, here we go! T-shirts! Oh, I'm sorry, Milo.
We ran out of space for the vintage T-shirts.
So, I sent them on to the mulching center.
[YELLING.]
Mulching center?! Yes, they're mulched and shredded, and the material is used to make replicas of vintage T-shirts.
You look like you're about to scream.
Well, if you do, please take it outside.
[DOORBELL TINKLES.]
[ALL SCREAM.]
Yeah, they were about to scream.
- Dakota, enter the password.
- All right.
[BEEPING.]
P-A-S-S-W-O-R-D.
The password is "password"? No, it's "drowssap" backwards.
- "Drowssap"? - Drowssap.
- It's my mother's maiden name.
- Ah.
And it's backwards, so, you know, no one will guess it.
- No one will guess that.
- Yeah, security.
Well done [BEEPING.]
Dakota, Cavendish.
Here are today's pistachio protecting coordinates.
[MACHINE PRINTING.]
I have complete confidence in your abilities.
Don't bungle this assignment like every other one.
Best of luck.
Yes! The zoo! We get to see actual live animals and - Dreadfully happy for you.
- Happy for "us"! We're going to the zoo We're going to the zoo And then we're gonna see some animals Come on.
Join in.
You know you want it.
# We're going to the zoo We're going to the zoo # # And then we're gonna see some animals # - It's going to be a very long day.
- Yeah, hopefully.
[ALL PANTING.]
It's the donation trailer! [AIR HISSING.]
Oh, the back tire? That's my favorite tire! Stash your bike.
Here comes the bus! No problem.
We follow the truck to the mulching center, grab the shirts and we're gold! - [SCOFFS.]
Piece of cake.
- Easy-peasy.
- No sweat.
- In the bag.
- Done deal.
- The crow flies in square circles.
What? I thought we were just saying things.
[TIRES SCREECHING.]
Stop the bus! [TIRES SCREECHING.]
MILO: No time to lose! [WHIRRING.]
Too low.
A little higher, please.
[ALL PANTING.]
ZACK: I'm not used to running after things.
I'm used to things running after us! Yeah, see? See, like that.
[ALL SCREAM.]
Come on! Jump on.
We've got to stop it before it hits the river.
SARA: Wait.
How are we supposed to stop it now? MILO: In retrospect, I hadn't thought this through.
They've got to be in here somewhere.
MILO: The wheel! If we hit the water, grab the swag and swim for shore.
I'm too mesmerized by the thought of my own senseless demise! - That's the spirit! - Hold on! [ALL SCREAMING.]
Ah [ALL SCREAMING.]
Oh, thank goodness.
We landed on this much larger ski jump! [ALL SCREAMING.]
SARA: Whoa! [MILO AND ZACK GRUNT.]
[MONKEYS SCREECHING.]
How did this get worse? Wow.
Those monkeys really know their vintage T-shirts.
After them, guys! [MONKEYS CONTINUE SCREECHING.]
Too slow.
Too slow.
[ALL GASP.]
Well, when in Rome If we were in Rome, we would not be riding on the back of an ostrich! Unless we were at a zoo in Rome that had a flightless birds collection.
[SCREAMS.]
I'll get my net.
- Whoa! - Milo! I'm okay.
Reach into my backpack.
There's a knockout gas gun from the llama incident.
# We're going to the zoo We're going to the zoo # [ROARS.]
# And then we're gonna see some animals # # We're going to the zoo We're going to the zoo # # And then we're gonna see some animals # And they have some animals Hey, when's it my turn with the telescope? - I want to see some animals - I'm not looking at animals you dolty snack-hound.
I'm looking for the boy who's been thwarting our mission time and time again.
The enemy agent.
Er, you know, that was just a theory.
- I don't know that he's an actual agent.
- Of course he is! Who else could undermine our every effort with such precision? A soccer mom, a slight wind, - a potted plant maybe - Oh, yes, go ahead.
- Mock me.
- I am.
But when I figure out how to thwart the boy who's been sent to thwart us, I am going to double reverse thwart him back.
I bet we don't even see him this time.
- Five American dollars says we do.
- Forget that.
If I win, you'll stuff your pants full of pistachios and dance to the zoo song.
I will accompany.
And in the reverse, if I win? Sure.
As if I wouldn't do that anyway.
Yeah, that's true.
Giraffe stampede! [PEOPLE SCREAMING.]
What the deuce is going on? [SCREAMING.]
Dakota, save the pistachios! Thanks, everybody, for coming.
To be sure we stay together, please remember to wear your red sash.
[PEOPLE SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY.]
[SCREAMS.]
I'm okay.
[GRUNTS.]
[MONKEYS SCREECHING.]
[STRAINING.]
They're getting away! Diogee, get out of that otter pen! He just loves otters.
- # We're going to the zoo # - What can we do? # We're going to the zoo # # And then we're gonna see some animals # # We're going to the zoo We're going to the zoo # # And then we're gonna see some animals # [SCREAMS.]
[MONKEYS SCREECHING.]
Wow.
Who knew that giraffes like pistachios? How do we get the T-shirts from the monkeys? I think I got it covered.
[MONKEYS SCREECHING.]
Banana cologne! Let's get these back to Mom.
We have 10 minutes left! The pistachios! They're gone! It was him! - I didn't see - Where is he? Where is he? [CHOKING.]
Strangled at the zoo Strangled at the zoo CAVENDISH: It's him! The pistachio spoiler! Oh, my gosh! You're right! Well, looks like you won the bet.
Mom, Mom, we're home! Mom, we got your T-shirts.
I was looking everywhere for these.
I was gonna give them to you guys to donate.
But I thought you loved these shirts.
Yeah, but I'm not 22 anymore.
Besides, I just got this replica of a vintage T-shirt for the party tonight.
Made from recycled old shirts, except it's new.
We're going to the zoo We're going to the zoo And then we're gonna see some animals Oh, oh.
Oh, hey, hey.
There's squirrels in my pants.
There's squirrels in my pants.
And pistachios.
Obviously, there's also pistachios in there.
Probably what attracted the squirrels.
Squirrels in my pants
# Look at that sun Look at that sky # # Look at my sweater vest I look so fly # # Look at that mailbox Look at that tree # # It's about as beautiful as it can be # # Whoa # Today is gonna be exceptional Never boring even for a minute # It's my world and we're all livin' in it # # Whoa, whoa # Never boring even for a minute # It's my world and we're all livin' in it # The school needs these for the clothing donation drive by tomorrow.
So, we've got to make some tough decisions.
- Hey, where's Melissa today? - She said she had to study.
Out, boy! Those are all clean.
- Well, not anymore.
- Hmm.
Remind me.
What happened to these platypus pajamas? [SCREAMS.]
Hot chocolate.
No, I mean, why are they teal? Aren't platypuses brown? Someone's idea of "artsy.
" Diogee, out! [DOG WHIMPERS.]
I better store them someplace safe until tomorrow.
- Away from Diogee.
- Oh, yeah.
It's Diogee that causes all the problems around here.
Mom, I'm storing the giveaways in your closet to keep them away from Diogee.
BRIGETTE: Tuna casserole.
But not until six! [PANTING.]
Did you know that "donation" comes from the Latin word "donare" meaning "to give"? Nobody cares, Jim.
Here you go, sir.
Sorry, clothes only.
Suitcase donations are on Tuesdays.
- [SCREAMS.]
You didn't! - Didn't what? Give away Mom's collection of rock concert T-shirts! Uh-oh.
Her shirts must've fallen in by mistake.
We got to get them back now, guys! - Those T-shirts are important to Mom.
- How do you know that? These T-shirts are so important to me.
I don't believe that was a real conversation.
Oh, right.
You're guys.
You don't talk about your feelings.
Well, not our feelings about clothes.
Well, we've got to get them back, because Mom and Dad are going to an '80s party and she's planning on wearing her vintage swag, tonight! - In one hour! - She hasn't worn them in years, and we lost them one hour before she needs them? - What are the odds? - Even money.
Yep, even money.
[DOORBELL TINKLES.]
- Mr.
Drako, what are you doing here? - I volunteer on weekends.
You can find the coolest stuff.
Look, a black cape, like I'm a superhero that's evil.
[LAUGHS EVILLY.]
Um, Mr.
Drako, I accidentally donated some of my mom's favorite T-shirts.
- Do you think we could get them back? - Hmm Flea infested underwear, flea infested socks, flea infested mattress.
Oh, here we go! T-shirts! Oh, I'm sorry, Milo.
We ran out of space for the vintage T-shirts.
So, I sent them on to the mulching center.
[YELLING.]
Mulching center?! Yes, they're mulched and shredded, and the material is used to make replicas of vintage T-shirts.
You look like you're about to scream.
Well, if you do, please take it outside.
[DOORBELL TINKLES.]
[ALL SCREAM.]
Yeah, they were about to scream.
- Dakota, enter the password.
- All right.
[BEEPING.]
P-A-S-S-W-O-R-D.
The password is "password"? No, it's "drowssap" backwards.
- "Drowssap"? - Drowssap.
- It's my mother's maiden name.
- Ah.
And it's backwards, so, you know, no one will guess it.
- No one will guess that.
- Yeah, security.
Well done [BEEPING.]
Dakota, Cavendish.
Here are today's pistachio protecting coordinates.
[MACHINE PRINTING.]
I have complete confidence in your abilities.
Don't bungle this assignment like every other one.
Best of luck.
Yes! The zoo! We get to see actual live animals and - Dreadfully happy for you.
- Happy for "us"! We're going to the zoo We're going to the zoo And then we're gonna see some animals Come on.
Join in.
You know you want it.
# We're going to the zoo We're going to the zoo # # And then we're gonna see some animals # - It's going to be a very long day.
- Yeah, hopefully.
[ALL PANTING.]
It's the donation trailer! [AIR HISSING.]
Oh, the back tire? That's my favorite tire! Stash your bike.
Here comes the bus! No problem.
We follow the truck to the mulching center, grab the shirts and we're gold! - [SCOFFS.]
Piece of cake.
- Easy-peasy.
- No sweat.
- In the bag.
- Done deal.
- The crow flies in square circles.
What? I thought we were just saying things.
[TIRES SCREECHING.]
Stop the bus! [TIRES SCREECHING.]
MILO: No time to lose! [WHIRRING.]
Too low.
A little higher, please.
[ALL PANTING.]
ZACK: I'm not used to running after things.
I'm used to things running after us! Yeah, see? See, like that.
[ALL SCREAM.]
Come on! Jump on.
We've got to stop it before it hits the river.
SARA: Wait.
How are we supposed to stop it now? MILO: In retrospect, I hadn't thought this through.
They've got to be in here somewhere.
MILO: The wheel! If we hit the water, grab the swag and swim for shore.
I'm too mesmerized by the thought of my own senseless demise! - That's the spirit! - Hold on! [ALL SCREAMING.]
Ah [ALL SCREAMING.]
Oh, thank goodness.
We landed on this much larger ski jump! [ALL SCREAMING.]
SARA: Whoa! [MILO AND ZACK GRUNT.]
[MONKEYS SCREECHING.]
How did this get worse? Wow.
Those monkeys really know their vintage T-shirts.
After them, guys! [MONKEYS CONTINUE SCREECHING.]
Too slow.
Too slow.
[ALL GASP.]
Well, when in Rome If we were in Rome, we would not be riding on the back of an ostrich! Unless we were at a zoo in Rome that had a flightless birds collection.
[SCREAMS.]
I'll get my net.
- Whoa! - Milo! I'm okay.
Reach into my backpack.
There's a knockout gas gun from the llama incident.
# We're going to the zoo We're going to the zoo # [ROARS.]
# And then we're gonna see some animals # # We're going to the zoo We're going to the zoo # # And then we're gonna see some animals # And they have some animals Hey, when's it my turn with the telescope? - I want to see some animals - I'm not looking at animals you dolty snack-hound.
I'm looking for the boy who's been thwarting our mission time and time again.
The enemy agent.
Er, you know, that was just a theory.
- I don't know that he's an actual agent.
- Of course he is! Who else could undermine our every effort with such precision? A soccer mom, a slight wind, - a potted plant maybe - Oh, yes, go ahead.
- Mock me.
- I am.
But when I figure out how to thwart the boy who's been sent to thwart us, I am going to double reverse thwart him back.
I bet we don't even see him this time.
- Five American dollars says we do.
- Forget that.
If I win, you'll stuff your pants full of pistachios and dance to the zoo song.
I will accompany.
And in the reverse, if I win? Sure.
As if I wouldn't do that anyway.
Yeah, that's true.
Giraffe stampede! [PEOPLE SCREAMING.]
What the deuce is going on? [SCREAMING.]
Dakota, save the pistachios! Thanks, everybody, for coming.
To be sure we stay together, please remember to wear your red sash.
[PEOPLE SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY.]
[SCREAMS.]
I'm okay.
[GRUNTS.]
[MONKEYS SCREECHING.]
[STRAINING.]
They're getting away! Diogee, get out of that otter pen! He just loves otters.
- # We're going to the zoo # - What can we do? # We're going to the zoo # # And then we're gonna see some animals # # We're going to the zoo We're going to the zoo # # And then we're gonna see some animals # [SCREAMS.]
[MONKEYS SCREECHING.]
Wow.
Who knew that giraffes like pistachios? How do we get the T-shirts from the monkeys? I think I got it covered.
[MONKEYS SCREECHING.]
Banana cologne! Let's get these back to Mom.
We have 10 minutes left! The pistachios! They're gone! It was him! - I didn't see - Where is he? Where is he? [CHOKING.]
Strangled at the zoo Strangled at the zoo CAVENDISH: It's him! The pistachio spoiler! Oh, my gosh! You're right! Well, looks like you won the bet.
Mom, Mom, we're home! Mom, we got your T-shirts.
I was looking everywhere for these.
I was gonna give them to you guys to donate.
But I thought you loved these shirts.
Yeah, but I'm not 22 anymore.
Besides, I just got this replica of a vintage T-shirt for the party tonight.
Made from recycled old shirts, except it's new.
We're going to the zoo We're going to the zoo And then we're gonna see some animals Oh, oh.
Oh, hey, hey.
There's squirrels in my pants.
There's squirrels in my pants.
And pistachios.
Obviously, there's also pistachios in there.
Probably what attracted the squirrels.
Squirrels in my pants